4 way tie... Wouldn't it be nice to have a button that randomly broke ties? I may end up rolling a die or something since it seems like cheating to let me decide which option we take.
Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 3:39 pm Post subject: You break it, you buy it.
POLL CLOSED.
I had to break a 4-way tie using a random number generator, since I don't intend to make this easy on you by guiding you to the option I think is best. Anyway, I enjoy being surprised. Chapter under construction. You can expect it to be completed tomorrow.
4 way tie... Wouldn't it be nice to have a button that randomly broke ties? I may end up rolling a die or something since it seems like cheating to let me decide which option we take.
Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 9:58 pm Post subject: Chapter 4: Dance with the Devil
Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 4: Dance with the Devil
In a place where you could look however you wanted, it’s crazy how the driver chose to look like a 40-something white taxi driver with a jutting chin covered in gray stubble. However, with this new prospect, a light shone on him. He even looked a little younger, a few gray hairs darkened and his features softened. Martin smirked and said,
“I see you thinking big over there.”
Taxi driver replied, “Oh yeah? Maybe that’s why they call me Biggs. I’m not going to lie, this bounty would help me out big time. And you know, it doesn’t really have to be a big deal for you. They’ll probably just give you your Time and let you go, like they do with everybody.”
“Aw now I thought you were thinking bigger than that,” Martin said.
“Maybe I was.”
“So stop holding back! What are you thinking about? Maybe we can help each other out.”
Biggs bit his lip and turned his head about, debating something fiercely. He looked back at Martin, who nodded encouragingly.
“Dammit,” Biggs said, scared but excited. “OK, maybe I have an idea. It could be the biggest payout of the century or it could lead to some very serious trouble.”
“Go on, big man, let’s hear it.”
“Probably the worst thing about Purgatory is watching your Time. Whether it’s a year or a decade, you know your time is coming eventually. Then you’re just waiting for your luck to run out. Maybe a “Shift” happens and you’re ending up as Lucifer’s shish-kebab. Like this poor schmuck,” he said, pointing to himself. “But there has to be people out there sitting on serious Time who would trade it all to make Time stop. There’s got to be a way to make it happen, you just step into their place in line and they walk away. Guys like you and me, we don’t have the means to keep up any kind of lifestyle without Time, but people who been here for a thousand years, they have connections. It’s like they say about some things being expensive to people who can’t afford it and free to those that can. Something like that. I’m sure there’s someone out there willing to deal. The trick is finding them without Death catching up to you, and that’s the least of your problems.”
“I’m feeling you, so where do we start?”
“That’s the best part,” he said, squinting over a sarcastic smile, “Only connection I got that might be able to help with something like this is a devil.”
“OK,” Martin said, taking it in.
“That’s easy for you, huh? God damn, maybe you are a devil.”
“Let’s say I am and see where it takes us,” Martin said with a grin. Biggs drew a deep breath, put the taxi into gear and continued the direction they were facing already. Biggs took a look over his shoulder at something beyond sight… an easy road with a decent payout… just one last look before committing to the low road.
“We have to make this happen within a week,” Biggs said.
“Why’s that?”
“Because I only have a week left.”
“Shit, man.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. But I was lucky. I was saving up for something or I wouldn’t have been sitting on enough time to make it at all. Most people used to live week to week. Seems like damn near a third of the city left at once when the Shift happened. It was like Armageddon.”
“What caused it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was intentional, maybe it was coincidental. Maybe it’s a big conspiracy. It’s a one-way trip to Heaven or Hell. People don’t come back to tell about it. And trying to get a straight answer out of an angel or a devil is about as easy as juggling cats while you’re on fire. Anyway, I’m not eager to find out.”
“You have something to be afraid of?” Martin asked.
“Everyone that stays in Purgatory longer than a month has a story.”
“I heard people start with 10 years.”
“And they spend it like kids in a candy store. They don’t remember till Death hands them the bill that maybe there is a thing or two they forgot about.”
This made them both sink into contemplation. Martin skipped past his obvious transgressions, like the fact that he was a murderer, and he asked himself what other things he may have forgotten. If he died while he still had a brother, he would be on the hook for two robberies, a few fights, and maybe the drugs, if that was a sin. It was his brother that got him out of that life. It was hard every day, but God must have known he was trying. Brian made it look easy.
He also thought about dumb things as a kid, like taking cookies without permission, or pushing kids off the slide at the playground. That one kid needed stitches and still had a scar. What about stealing his friend’s girl? Or making fun of that guy with the missing ear? Mean-spirited shit. There ought to be some way to answer for it.
As Martin’s thoughts drifted, Biggs drifted even more, along with the taxi. His eyes were half closed and his head nodded. Martin looked up and had to bang on the glass to wake Biggs up. Biggs shook his head and he was alert again.
Martin asked, “So people have to sleep here, huh?”
“Yeah, when they can. I can’t afford it.”
“You will soon, my man. Try to keep us alive until then.”
They flew swiftly over larger than life fantastical re-creations of many themed casinos:
Some were idealized. Castles of every style ~ Big-Little versions of Paris, London, New York ~ Floating cruise ships.
Some were abstract. M.C. Escher on acid ~ Incandescent cascades of gemstones ~ Glass Mazes.
Some were natural. Waterfalls a mile high ~ A world-tree glowing with simple decorations ~ Atlantis claimed by coral reefs.
And some could be mistaken for the real Vegas. Cacophony of machines whirring and blinging ~ Coins gushing into bins under blinking lights ~ cigarette smoke as thick as an old man’s beard.
They passed all of these things and descended into the smoke layer to a place of embers in the void. A place of devils and despair in a ring around a pit that dropped straight into oblivion. Deeply embedded primal instincts recoiled at the sight of creatures older than light in unnatural shapes that the most unkind Earth would never produce. Heat without light ~ Stretched, twisted, swollen masses ~ Tormented conglomerations of willing and unwilling beings.
Biggs spoke gravely, “We’re officially in the last place you want to die. You’re gonna have to swallow all those feelings telling you to run away.”
“You sure about this,” Martin asked.
“Hell no,” Biggs said. “But believe it or not, we’re very welcome here.”
“What do they want?”
“In a word: everything. They call this place the Pit. All mortals welcome.”
They parked in the dark outside the fiery ring. Martin took a deep breath before getting out into the oppressive but tolerable heat. Then they walked into a relatively tame area. Humanoid devils ~ Sparse fires ~ Muted wailing. They stopped in a plaza with a bar served by human slaves, naked except their collars, with devils chatting over drinks in civil tones. Biggs stood still, eyes closed, and said a single word that had the profundity of banging a gong,
“Barrus.”
Satisfied with the deep resonance the word took, he proceeded to find a seat at a corner table not too near a fire. The devils around them took an interest, particularly one red-skinned deviless with cat eyes.
Martin asked, “Is that your friend’s name or something?”
“Yeah. He knows we’re here now. I don’t know how long we’ll wait. Might as well get comfortable.”
“You’re not going to sleep, are you?”
“That would be crazy,” he said, slouching onto the table.
In a few minutes, he fell into a fitful sleep. Martin kept his eyes open and noticed the collared woman with a shaved head approaching. Kneeling, she offered a tray with two drinks. Eyes lowered, she said,
“Compliments of Mistress Jezebel. Can this slave offer you anything else?”
“What is it?”
“Gin and Tonic, sir.”
“OK, not some kind of voodoo juice that turns me inside out or anything?”
“Do you desire something stronger, sir?”
“That would be a no thank you.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Which one is Jezebel?”
The slave woman indicated with an open palm the cat-eyed deviless across the room. Jezebel raised her glass and Martin returned the gesture and drank.
“That’s pretty good,” he said and waited bravely for unusual effects, but found none. “You gonna drink that?” he asked Biggs, who still slept. He drank it as well. The slave remained until Martin noticed and said, “I’m good. You can go.” Now his eyes were doing the drinking. Jezebel enjoyed the attention. While Martin decided whether he should be getting mixed up with a devil, especially in a place like this, she decided to start dancing. As the drink settled into his brain, a faint blue fire burned on his skin, but he didn’t pay it any mind.
“Couldn’t hurt to talk to her, right Biggs?” Martin asked. Swaying hips ~ piercing eyes ~ exotic music coming from nowhere. His appetite outraced his discretion and soon he moved with her with intimate closeness. She asked questions and he answered. It didn’t occur to him to resist, and what he divulged to her felt like nothing of consequence. The dancing and the music stopped abruptly when she noticed someone enter the plaza. She smiled at Martin and left him with kiss that was tender, but hot to the touch. It was like a cocaine rush that woke him from his stupor.
“I can offer you far more than Barrus can. Look for me when you’re done hearing him out. Remember my name?”
“Jezebel,” Martin said, that same resonant quality came again.
“Very good. Take care not to upset him. No one wants a devil as an enemy,” she said. Martin enjoyed the way she said ‘devil’... made it sound like a good time. Then she walked away.
Barrus approached Biggs like someone left him a present. The way he put his hand to his chin and smirked made Martin think he was up to no good, so he stepped up and shook Biggs awake. Barrus put his hands on his hips as if to say ‘Really?’. He looked human, except for blacked out irises. The skin was a normal tone, and his clothing and bearing were inconspicuous. A nice suit, for sure, but nothing suspicious. The eyes were very off putting though. It was hard for Martin to concentrate while they watched him.
“Biggs,” Martin said. Biggs jumped up like someone stabbed him with a needle. He regained composure and started talking. He shot straight to the point while avoiding eye contact. He wanted Barrus to find a buyer and make the arrangements and they would split the Time evenly.
“Sounds interesting, Tom, but you understand you’ll need to hold my share for me, of course,” Barrus said, laying a hand on Tom Biggs’ hand. Biggs withdrew quickly.
“Yeah, fine. You can finally start paying me when I drive you around. You know I’m all dried up right now.”
“I noticed!” Barrus said aghast, “Only a week left! Don’t worry, darling, we’ll get you taken care of. It’s a good thing you found Mr. Wymont here. He’s a real gold mine.”
Martin said, “Yeah, thanks. So what do you think I’m worth?”
“I expect two centuries, on short notice. Could hold out for more, but Tom here doesn’t have much Time. I’ll start making inquiries.”
“I’m not agreeing to anything till I get a price,” Martin asserted.
“All right, tough guy. You’re the product after all. You decide when the price is right, but then you’ll have to commit. My clients do not like being jerked around,” Barrus said and winked at Biggs.
“Yeah, that’s fair,” Biggs said, “just don’t take too long, OK? You can stay with me until we have things sorted out.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Barrus said. “Mr. Wymont, would you give me and Tommy a moment to talk privately? Have yourself a drink and tell them to put it on my tab.”
Martin gladly stepped away from the overly familiar devil. ‘Tommy’ did not appear to be enjoying himself, but he didn’t push back as Barrus put his arm around him and whispered in his ear. Devil or not, Martin would have knocked out his teeth by now if he was in Biggs’ place.
Jezebel waited at the bar. When Martin arrived, she said,
“Two centuries split three ways? I could do much better.”
“What about Barrus?” Martin asked.
“What he wants is Tom Biggs. He’s been working on him for quite a while now. The real question is what do you want?”
DP: Who does Martin want to deal with? If no one, what does he do instead?
Last edited by Lebrenth on Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:19 am; edited 1 time in total
It’s like they say about some things being expensive to people who can’t afford it and free to those that can
Amen to that
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Or making fun of that guy with the missing ear? Mean-spirited shit. There ought to be some way to answer for it
While I'm not sure how something little like this will play out, I like this thought and the potential of it.
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Some were natural. Waterfalls a mile high ~ A world-tree glowing with simple decorations ~ Atlantis claimed by coral reefs
Oooooo, nice. I want to go here.
Quote:
As the drink settled into his brain, a faint blue fire burned on his skin, but he didn’t pay it any mind
This line before the dance scene is well crafted and placed. It shows us the reader that things are getting dulled and wonky. Then you add that to the unknown things he divulged and it raises the apprehension quite well.
What does he want? I think there are 3 ways we can push his character. But what makes sense right now is to fulfill his need for revenge, so maybe ask for information about his target. _________________ A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. - Baltasar Gracian
Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 8:52 am Post subject: 3 ways
Emperor wrote:
A very well done chapter if I say so myself.
Thanks, Emperor! As always, I love reading your line highlights. Which of the natural wonders caught your interest?
Emperor wrote:
But what makes sense right now is to fulfill his need for revenge, so maybe ask for information about his target.
Very appropriate to re-align the real interest. Getting Time is just a stepping stone. I'll make this into its own DP option, but it will also be added as a rider to other agreements that may occur.
Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:00 am Post subject: Re: 3 ways
Lebrenth wrote:
Thanks, Emperor! As always, I love reading your line highlights. Which of the natural wonders caught your interest?
You are more than welcome! I hope they are not only encouraging but useful as well.
The World Tree and Atlantis in particular really appealed to me. To be honest when I was reading it for the first time, I thought the Waterfall, Tree and Atlantis were all one thing. Could be something there in that combo for a future SG. _________________ A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. - Baltasar Gracian
Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 6:29 am Post subject: Re-framed
ten11 wrote:
He wants to find Gabriel Eldon, and make sure he pays.
Beyond that? Well, going to heaven is generally a desirable goal.
Thanks, ten11, but let me re-frame the DP a bit I'm glad we're talking about the big picture, but really I'm looking for an answer to the question of whether or not to deal with one of the devils. I try to avoid baking in poll options, but at a minimum we have doing a deal with Barrus or doing a deal with Jezebel. However, I don't want people to feel like they can't just walk away, but if that's the decision we need some other plan to go with it so I have something to write a chapter about.
Great chapter overall. I love that we got a brief snippet of his life as well in there. I can't believe I missed the suggestion period, but I've made my vote now _________________
Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 6:38 am Post subject: So Closed
Poll is closed and the next chapter is coming up in a few minutes. I'd first like to say that we can never assume DP options will be successful. Martin tries his best to put them into action, but they may not turn out the way he intended. The following chapter demonstrates that poignantly.
Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 7:21 am Post subject: Chapter 5: Two Sides of a Cage
Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 5: Two Sides of a Cage
Martin looked between Jezebel and Barrus, both eager to be involved in this exchange, so why not play them against each other? He started it all with a single word.
“Barrus,” he said.
Barrus looked cross at his name being intoned, but looked up to see Jezebel and Martin talking. Jezebel looked sheepish, she was up to something right under his nose. His skin took on a redder hue and his stature grew as he approached. Jezebel matched his size and stood her ground at his approach. They were both 10 feet tall by the time they met up.
Barrus spoke first, “That one is mine, Jezebel.”
“Oh? I believe I saw him before you. He may have been waiting for you, but he made contact with me first.”
“You think I want to discuss nuances of protocol? I’m claiming him.”
Martin interrupted, “Hey, I haven’t made any deals with anyone!” He involuntarily cowered before them, as their features were becoming fiercer, animal-like and they still grew. He continued, nonetheless, but in a milder tone, “I just want the best deal possible. Jezebel says she can do better than 200 years split 3 ways.”
Biggs angrily spoke up as he advanced aggressively, “No deals? So you want to cut me out, you sneaky son of a bitch? You fucking snake in the grass!”
“Whoa, I didn’t say that!”
“Oh yeah, what are you saying? What’s better than 200 split 3 ways? How about 200 split 2 ways? You dumb motherfucker, I’m gonna rip your fucking head off!”
Martin was not intimidated. He said, “I don’t want to hurt you, but you better back up or you’re gonna regret it! Just cool it, gimme a minute!”
“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this. I should have turned you in when I had the chance. I only got a week left! You have no idea what I’ve been through trying to keep myself out of the fire!”
Jezebel’s hand came down like a wall between them as the punches started. Her head turned to Barrus as she spoke in a harsh language Martin couldn’t understand. Barrus considered, looking carefully at Biggs seething with hate and his fingers curled into tight fists. Barrus responded passively. Biggs looked for backup, he asked,
“Barrus, you aren’t going to put up with this, are you?”
Barrus replied, “I can not force him to accept our terms, Tom. He has to choose to surrender the Time.”
Jezebel laughed and flicked Biggs away like a bug and said “Hush, child, the grown-ups are talking.”
Martin said, “Nothing happens without me, so cut that shit out!”
Jezebel quickly flattened Martin on the ground, speaking more devil-tongue in his face. He couldn’t move her hand an inch with all of his strength.
Martin spat back, “Afraid to talk English, you fat bitch?”
With great relish, she carefully positioned her elongated finger nail, now longer than a spear, onto his abdomen. When she found just the right spot, she plunged it through him and into the ground beneath him. He screamed as it burned inside him.
She said, “Wait here,” as she broke off the nail. Any attempt to move was punished with sharp pain. Barrus and Jezebel returned to human size and spoke out of earshot. They schemed so emphatically they paid no attention to Biggs or Martin. Biggs picked up a chair and staggered over to Martin. It hurt to talk, but Martin weakly said,
“I’ll get you your time, man, I’ll get it, you’ll see.”
“We’re way past talking,” Biggs said. “I’m bringing you in now.” He raised the chair over his head. Martin tried to protect himself with his arm, but all of the pent up rage Biggs exploded at once. Jezebel beamed and Barrus clapped as Biggs hit Martin over and over. He broke the chair so he picked up a chair leg and kept hitting. Martin could do nothing. Soon there was just a pool of slime in his place.
Finally, Biggs stopped, covered in decomposing blood. He looked over at the devils. They were so pleased. He dropped the leg and looked at his shaking hands. Biggs searched for words, but could only plead for them to stay back. They walked slowly as he started scooping up Martin’s remains and putting them in the nearest receptacle, a trash can. The trash can started smoking and soon burst into flames. Biggs tried swatting it out, but it was no use, the whole can melted.
Jezebel said, “Oh dear, bad move, Biggs. Don’t you know they found his brother’s body in a dumpster? He really doesn’t like that. Here, let’s try this.”
Jezebel bent down and sucked the slime into her mouth and down to her stomach. Biggs recoiled and tried to run but Barrus caught him by the back of the neck. Biggs begged,
“Please, Barrus, I’ve done nothing but help you.”
“Oh, I know, you’ve been most helpful,” he said and with monstrous force threw his fist and crushed Biggs’ face. Biggs liquified onto the ground. Jezebel finished drinking and stood beside Barrus, who offered her a handkerchief to wipe off her mouth. She asked,
“What will you do with him?”
Barrus said, “Nothing more to do but wait for Judgement.”
“May I play with him until then?”
“You have your belly full already. Leave him be, there’s nothing he can do now. I’ll have him in Hell in a few days. What will you do with your new toy?”
“He’s a fighter, Barrus, I can feel him fighting to get out already. I could use a soldier.”
“Good, well it’s been a pleasure,” he said and offered his hand. When she went to take it he clamped down hard on her. He threatened her in devil-tongue and she nodded with gritted teeth before he let her go. She departed quickly, heading straight for the Pit.
Burning ~ Suffocating ~ Squeezing. Martin somehow knew he was inside the deviless, he clawed and scalded and she could not pretend it wasn’t hurting. She leapt into the Pit without hesitation and unfolded black wings to carry them into a cave inside the walls. The cave was a torture chamber with many creative tools and machines. She ran to a large cage with a basin floor and vomited violently within. The slime that was Martin collected in the center. It bubbled for a few minutes, then it darkened and became mud-like, finally coming to rest for a long time.
Martin could only compare the experience to the worst hangover ever. Everything ached and he was very weak. Breathing took too much effort, thinking took too much effort, even existing felt too hard to be worth it. There was a strange peace to absolute dilapidation, but Martin would only let himself rest long enough to gain strength, then he pushed again. It was like being under a collapsed tent of heavy canvas, every effort was difficult, but it gained him a little more room, a little better leverage, and space to move. He was still weak as an infant when his body was more or less back together. By the time he attempted his first words, it felt like years had passed.
During his convalescence, the woman from the bar checked on him. She would hold his hand and hum, she would whisper gentle encouragement. It made him think of his own mother a lot. She had cancer too, just like Gabriel Fucking Eldon, and she received treatment at one of his free clinics. She couldn’t afford a normal hospital, so they all thought it was a blessing. She thanked God for Gabriel Eldon and prayed for him as much as herself. It was Brian that found out the truth. It saved her life, for a while at least. Still, no one would have guessed she would outlive both of her sons.
Martin jumped out of his rumination with a violent oath, “I’ll fucking kill him!” Then he remembered himself, where he was, and how weak he still felt. He laid back down, not caring about his nakedness. What the fuck was he going to do now?
Jezebel opened a nearby door and called out, “Is that my soldier?” she said. She pranced over and looked at him. “I’ve been waiting so long, but you’re finally back. I can’t wait any longer to start training you!”
“Yeah, fuck it, train me. I’m really good at playing dead now, how ‘bout we start working on rolling over?”
“All right then, go ahead. Roll over!”
“Go fuck yourself,” he said, not even looking up. She laughed and called out,
“Piggy! Get me the stinger.”
The shaved slave replied, “Yes, Mistress.” With her head hung low, she handed Jezebel a large dismembered scorpion tail, then waited nearby. Jezebel looked at it thoughtfully and waved it playfully around. She said,
“I’m actually glad you’re putting up a fight. I want that bulldog attitude of yours at my command, but you need to learn that there’s one bitch you never mouth off too. This isn’t exactly the sort of thing you break in a new slave with, but I’m thinking you’ll survive. If not, we’ll try again in a few months.” And with that, she struck him on the buttcheek. He expected a lot of pain, and he wasn’t wrong, but there was something else going on too. The poison was working on his mind. It had to be hallucination, even in a place as fucked up as this. Everything looked wrong, distorted like a Picasso painting. Eyes and mouths were appearing where they shouldn’t be, including all over his body. He looked at the wound where the poison started, and the eyes there were red and crying pus. Despite fighting it, he couldn’t convince himself they weren’t real.
“How do you like it?” Jezebel asked. She gently touched his shoulder which caused him to shriek in pain and terror. “Would you like the antidote?”
“Yes… please…”
“Roll over!”
“Can’t… EYES!”
She raised the scorpion tail over him, which looked to him like a hydra with 11 heads. He didn’t want his eyes to touch the fangs on the ground, but he couldn’t bear more poison! Very slowly, he started to roll. It felt like cactus needles piercing his eyes, but all over his body. A thousand needles ~ itching pain ~ every move disastrous.
It was a poor performance, but his obedience was clear.
“Good boy. If you learn to listen, I’ll make you a fine weapon. The perfect weapon for revenge. I’ve been looking around and I have some special news for you. I know where Gabriel Eldon is.”
Martin could barely speak, but slowly struggled for the words “Where… is... he?”
“Don’t you worry, I won’t lose him. You’ll have a chance to prove your loyalty. Then I’ll teach you the dark arts; to transform, to inflame, to break the unbreakable. When I know I can trust you, I’ll help you complete your revenge. If there’s anything I know, it’s how to make people suffer. You’d like that wouldn’t you? Can you imagine him in your place now?”
“How?” Martin said. The delusional mouths hissed and cursed at him.
“You need a lot of work first. You can’t help yourself, you’re stubborn. But I’ll know when you’re ready. I already know exactly how I’ll test you.”
The mouths and eyes replaced everything now, nothing wasn’t an eye or a mouth. The eyes stung, he could feel them all, even the ones not on his body, and the mouths screamed and bit at him. He was feeling himself melt and he wasn’t sure if it was reality or illusion. Jezebel was still talking but he couldn’t hear her.
After satisfying her sadism a little longer, she casually ordered her slave to get the antidote and administer it, then she ordered the slave away. She wanted to be the first thing Martin saw when he stopped hallucinating. He received the antidote just in time, as his body truly began to melt back into a slimy pool. He watched his arms re-form, and the eyes and mouths close up. He felt very lucid before they were all gone and he realized it was not all illusion. Phantom pains persisted for an hour, the pain of the poison lasted, though dramatically dulled, much longer.
After Jezebel left, the slave returned to help clean the blood and pus off of Martin. She refused to be called anything but ‘slave’ or ‘Piggy’, as that is all her Mistress would allow.
Eventually Martin asked, “Why don’t you run?”
Piggy said, “This is where I’m supposed to be.” Martin shook his head. She continued, “You mustn’t keep defying the Mistress. She’ll break you eventually.”
“Will she really help me if I do as I’m told?”
“She will. She wants her slaves to act upon their darkest desires. She’ll want to bring you to Hell eventually.”
“A fucking slave,” Martin said to himself looking at his cage. “What if I can’t do that? Do I really have any choice?”
She stopped and turned away. Trembling, barely audible, she said, “I could free you.”
“You said what I think you said, right?” He asked. She nodded. “But not yourself?”
“I can never leave.”
“You sure about that?” he asked. Again she nodded. It horrified him to think how completely trapped she was. Would he end up like her? It didn’t seem possible, but here he was. He looked at the room, it was made to do horrible things. That poison nearly made him lose his mind. He really didn’t know what was possible.
But also, for the first time since entering Purgatory, he had a lead to Eldon, and something like a plan for how to make him suffer. Being Jezebel’s bitch wouldn’t be a bad start for that bastard. Also the training, whatever that included, could be very useful. … Was it worth it?
DP: Does Martin attempt to escape?
Last edited by Lebrenth on Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:20 am; edited 1 time in total
Great chapter and so many good scenes to choose from.
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His skin took on a redder hue and his stature grew as he approached. Jezebel matched his size and stood her ground at his approach. They were both 10 feet tall by the time they met up
What a great tool and detail. The way power dynamics play out here is wonderful. Half bestial half political, all wonderful.
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even existing felt too hard to be worth it
I just liked this line in general. It pulled at me.
As for is the information worth it? Disregarding the pun - hell no. Things are spiraling way out of control. We need to bounce out of here as sub light speeds. Maybe drag her with us whether she likes it or not. _________________ A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. - Baltasar Gracian
Everything looked wrong, distorted like a Picasso painting.
I think this might be one of my favourite lines, ever.
Great chapter. The whole turning-into-slime and the recuperation from it was handled really well. Tidy!
As for the DP, I'm a little skeptical. How come she can help us escape, but we can't? I'm leaning towards taking the opportunity, but not before getting a clearer picture of what's going on. Why does Jezebel want slaves in the first place? Is it just power-games, or is there something larger going on here?
I'm not really inclined to help the slave woman escape. It's a distraction from our main goal for this SG, and to quote Jezebel herself, "No one wants a devil as an enemy". _________________
Firstly, a moment of honesty. This isn't my kind of story. If this were a book, for my sanity's sake, I'd put it back on the shelf. BUT!
I'm liking anyway. That's some awesome work you're doing! There's a mastery of visuals that makes it very easy to picture both the horrible things happening, and how they look to the person they're happening to (Martin). I'm beginning to suspect there won't be a strictly happy ending at the end of this tale, which kind of sucks, but I also don't like Martin enough yet to really be rooting for that. It'll be interesting to see if purgatory breaks him or if it builds him higher.
As for the DP, I say fake it. It's against Martin's personality, but it's worth trying to pretend to 'be her bitch' and then just, wait for an opportunity to have his cake and eat it too. _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Trying to escape at this point would be crazy. Jezebel will catch us in a minute. In fact, there's a pretty good chance that Piggy is making this offer on Jezebel's orders, as a test.
Stay here a while. Get some training. See what we can find out about Eldon. If Piggy's offer is sincere, you'll still have that options later.
Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 6:14 am Post subject: Kenobi
Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote:
Firstly, a moment of honesty. This isn't my kind of story.
I'm surprised I haven't lost you It seems every time I'm about to post, I'm like, "Well, Ninjagirl isn't going to like this," because you've been clear from the beginning that this isn't your kind of story. I'm very pleased that you've kept going and that it isn't just because you want to encourage any active story in IF. Thank you for your feedback and your interest. Fascinating that you care enough to see what happens, but you're not ready to hope for a happy ending.
Emperor, you're right. It is useful to have a few highlights. I bear them in mind while writing, feeling a bit more confident that they're something that would be enjoyed. It's surprising how much an encouraging pat on the back helps. I treasure them and I do not take them for granted. Thanks to Vishal too! I'm glad that line caught you. I almost feel like it's cheating to employ someone else's art style to describe our scenes, but it did its job so elegantly it's hard to pass it up.
I appreciate your contributions too, Key! I don't want to influence DP's, so I won't comment, except that I'm pleased we have diverging opinions on the best course of action. It makes the polling more interesting
Last edited by Lebrenth on Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 am; edited 1 time in total
Seems I missed the suggestions, but I think the options included what I would have said anyway, which was to play along with the demon, though also keep Piggy interested too, without acting on anything.
I have to say Lebs, that the POV changes threw me a bit at the start/middle. Up to then you'd (Mostly) kept Martin's POV. Changing like that without a break confuses me a little. That said, I'm easily confused.
I have to say Lebs, that the POV changes threw me a bit at the start/middle. Up to then you'd (Mostly) kept Martin's POV. Changing like that without a break confuses me a little. That said, I'm easily confused.
The way I imagined it, though I didn't write it down anywhere, Martin was somehow aware of what was going on around him despite being a pool of slime. For instance, how he somehow knew he was being scooped up into a trash can. I expect it was an out of body experience that would feel like dreaming. Once he woke up, it would be hard to recall and he would ask himself whether it was real or not. If that concept was introduced, do you feel like it would have been less jarring and/or confusing? I don't think we jump into the thoughts of anyone else, it was all observable stuff, unless I missed something.
Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:21 am Post subject: Chapter 6: This Little Piggy
Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 6: This Little Piggy
It took time. Martin was every bit the badass he thought he was, he hit the bottom before, many times. He had looked down the barrel of pistols without flinching, but more than that, he made it back when he had to scrape together the little pieces of his life that was left after it all came apart. Betrayed by friends ~ Abandoned by his girl ~ Police manhunt. When he OD’d on heroin, he hoped he would die. When they took his mug shots, he thought that was the last image his family would ever want to see of him. But, with his mother and his brother’s help, he built himself up again. The things that knocked down a normal person didn’t even phase him anymore.
But under the whip of Jezebel, in timeless darkness, he fell to his knees.
Suffocation ~ Dissection ~ Humiliation. Diabolical torture was his daily meal. She said she had to burn him down to build him up. It was all supposed to be a ruse; he would pretend to be loyal just until he learned what he needed. Then the pain scraped away his resolve and he would tell Jezebel everything and do anything. He accepted his fate and slept in a locked dumpster that looked exactly the same as the one they found Brian Wymont in. After that she named him ‘Garbage’. It was then she knew she had him. She commanded and he did it without question. He walked through fire, he ate maggots, he helped torture others that had the misfortune of falling into her hands. He complied in every way, even when he knew it would turn against him, like when slaves evaporated.
Boiling flesh ~ Shrieking Mist ~ Fading to nothing. The other slaves melted away quickly under any real torture. Jezebel would curse at them being unworthy when they evaporated entirely, leaving her with an empty cage. She would turn her wrath on Garbage, who at least knew how to take a beating. He endured and never evaporated away like the others. Only he and Piggy could take the torture and not vanish. This made them special to their owner, which gave them a twisted sense of pride.
Then while they were alone, Garbage asked Piggy, “Why don’t we vanish?” Piggy smiled almost imperceptibly. She put her hand on Garbage’s cheek and quietly replied,
“We belong here. You know it. I know it.”
“How do you know?”
“We’re bad people, Martin.”
“Don’t say that word!” Garbage said, immediately checking to see if Jezebel was near.
“She’s away. I can feel her.”
“What?”
“I can feel when she’s near or far. We are one.”
“I can’t feel her.”
“You will one day.”
“I don’t want to feel her. I want to feel you,” he said. Her eyes widened in surprise. Though his subjugation was complete, Garbage still resisted one thing. That was probably why he was still kept caged where Piggy was allowed to wander free. As the revelation settled in, her passive composure crumbled, she fell to her knees, buried her face in her hands and sobbed violently.
“Please,” Garbage begged. His eyes became watery. “Please don’t cry.” He reached for her, but could not reach her. After a minute she ran away. “No! Please don’t go!”
It was quiet. Garbage trembled. He wanted to die. Not halfway, not to some God-forsaken nonsensical ghost city, totally and completely die. He felt he could will it to happen. He could just choose it if he wanted. Then Piggy returned with keys. She stopped, her eyes streaming. Garbage sighed in relief, then got caught in apprehension. He said,
“What are you doing?”
“Why didn’t you tell Mistress that I offered to free you? When she tortured you, you told her everything. You told her who you killed, who you cared about, you told her when she forgot to lock your cage.”
“She was testing me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“... I don’t know. I can’t,” he said. He couldn’t explain himself. He just couldn’t bear to betray her.
“I don’t deserve it,” she said.
“You’re wrong. I’ve been there, you are worth everything! You just need help!” Martin said… it was Martin talking this time. She shook her head vigorously, she shut her ears against his words.
“Stop it! Don’t make me feel!”
Soul burning rage ~ an explosion from the pit of his stomach ~ every emotion at once. Martin burst the cage apart. Piggy fell back fearfully. Martin emerged inflamed, but cooled off quickly as he knelt beside her. He just took her hand and she calmed down. She asked,
“How did you do that?”
“Oh shit!” he said and looked back. The cage wasn’t just open, it was fucking mangled. The mistress would not be happy about this… if he couldn’t be caged… what would she do? “Where is she now?”
“I-- I don’t know!”
“What?”
“I don’t know! I can’t feel her now,” she said, her tears returning.
“Not now!” he said and pulled her onto her feet. He looked at the wreckage again. “God damn it! She never told me a damn thing!” The mixture of fear, guilt, and outrage made his heart feel like it was going to explode. He truly felt escape was impossible, that it would only get worse, but he also knew it was pretty fucking bad already. He reluctantly said, “We should leave.”
She said, “No. I’m not going.” Martin felt stabbed. A strong feeling seized him, made him feel he was doing wrong, that he should wait for Mistress and accept whatever fate she had for him. Piggy was right. He collapsed.
“What will she do?”
“Martin, I’m staying. You should go.”
“I’m not Martin. I’m Garbage. I’ve been garbage my whole life.”
“No! You mean something! You have people looking for you! No one is looking for me. No one wants me except Mistress.”
“No one is looking for me!” he said. Piggy looked away. She walked to a corner of the room and pulled a piece of paper out from under a chest. Handing it to Martin, she said,
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to leave. It was very selfish of me.”
“What is…” Martin stopped when he saw the flyer. It was like his wanted poster from before, but it said ‘MISSING’. Near the bottom it instructed anyone with information to contact Dr. Brian Wymont at the Purgatory Shelter. It had an address. “Brian?”
“Listen. Martin, I don’t have much Time left. It’s too late for me. If the Mistress finds out she can’t control you, she’ll do everything she can to destroy you.”
Martin trembled. Jezebel instilled a fear into him that overshadowed everything he’s ever been afraid of, but his brother was out there, Eldon was out there, whatever was left of his dignity was out there. He cleared his throat.
“What’s the best way out?”
“There are two ways,” she said, tears freely overflowing. “The Pit is a dangerous climb, but you can make it. Your dark skin will help, but you might still get spotted. You can also go through the passageways. You’ll see other devils there, if they recognize you as Jezebel’s slave, they might try to capture you.”
“OK, and here’s the real question, which way will be best for you?”
“Martin, leave me. This is what I want. I can stall the Mistress. If I go with you, I’ll slow you down.”
Thinking about that Pit falling into the lap of another devil was the last thing he needed. At least he built up some trust with Mistress Jezebel. Maybe this was the way he could bring that trust to the next level. Just admit everything and beg for mercy. The old Martin would never conceive it, but the old Martin didn’t have these nightmares blocking the exits. It was the same question he asked when this all started, but not as the same person.
Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:35 am Post subject: Poll Results, Chapter 5
Forgot to post the results of the previous chapter's poll. I like to put these up for the record:
Chapter 6 Poll will likely look similar. I would rather not repeat DP's but here we are.
ALSO, I need to make a change to schedule. Due to some increasing demands on my time, I'm temporarily going to a two week schedule... 1 week for suggestions, 1 week for voting. We'll re-evaluate after October. Let me know if you have a preference.
OK, I think we better leave now before we lose what's left of ourself.
Take Piggy even if she doesn't want to come. Let her go back after we get out if she wants to, but it's safer to be kidnapped than to stay having helped with our escape.
Well, this chapter was interesting! I do love how you used the change back and forth between the narrator referring to our protagonist as 'Martin' and 'Garbage', made it easy to get into exactly where his mind was. Also this line stuck out:
Quote:
“I don’t want to feel her. I want to feel you,” he said.
Because it can be interpreted either very romantically or very ~romantically~, it legitimately made me giggle even with how tense this chapter was.
As for the DP, I'm saying risk it all, climb the pit. But I'm also gonna throw something in, because I'm a hopeless romantic and you can't bloody stop me. I say he asks Piggy for some sort of favor, some object he can remember her by, to give him good luck on his escape attempt. Might be worth it to have later, a reminder that even in this hell— heh— there was something good. _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
This episode was good Lebs, but, if I'm harsh, I think it could have been really powerful. I mean, I'm loving this character, this world, this idea, but I feel that you could make more of it.. Eg:
Quote:
Soul burning rage ~ an explosion from the pit of his stomach ~ every emotion at once. Martin burst the cage apart. Piggy fell back fearfully. Martin emerged inflamed, but cooled off quickly as he knelt beside her. He just took her hand and she calmed down. She asked,
“How did you do that?”
“Oh shit!” he said and looked back. The cage wasn’t just open, it was fucking mangled. ...”
This, IMHO, could be a major thing in this story. How did he do this? Does he have... love, which no one else could have down here? Does he have something else? (I do like this aspect btw)
However, I think it could be emphasized. I felt this episode was slightly hurried again, it could be made into much, much more. The whole 'garbage/Martin' thing is genius, pure literary gold, and it doesn't deserve to be rushed.
I know from your comments on mine that stretching things out isn't your thing really, mine neither tbh, but I find that if you do stretch out stuff a bit there's more impact when the action happens.
Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:08 pm Post subject: Fonts are friends
Chinaren wrote:
love
That's a fantastic font choice! This is a really important development that we will explore more in future chapters. I'm listening to your feedback and I'll devote more content to important elements in future chapters. Honestly, this single chapter felt like it deserved 3 chapters detailing how the relationship between Martin and Piggy grew amid the hardships inflicted by Jezebel. They have a bond that readers do not understand on an emotional level and I'm sorry for it, but I'm still trying to get to the DP quickly before I lose the reader's interest. Perhaps I just need to tell myself the readers are invested enough to want the details and I'm not boring anyone. It does encourage me when the words 'literary gold' are applied to any part of my work.
Chinaren wrote:
Anyhoo, missed the SP, so will wait and, er, wait...
Nope, I changed the schedule. Until November I'm going to be pretty busy so we're doing a two week schedule to help me stay on top of things. If you have a suggestion, go for it.
Because it can be interpreted either very romantically or very ~romantically~, it legitimately made me giggle even with how tense this chapter was.
I was nervous about that line, but it seemed the most appropriate. He definitely has a point-blank personality. We'll work something out if he asks for a keepsake, though it will be difficult because she has no possessions and nothing in the room carries any sentimental value; actually the opposite of sentimentality. If I can be silly for a second, it would be like "please take these shackles to remind you of the bond we share".
We'll have 2 options at least, but we're closing the door on the suggestion phase soon.
Key's suggestion: Escape and refuse to leave without Piggy.
Ninjagirl: Climb up through the Pit (and ask for a keepsake from Piggy).
I'm debating whether I should add "Stay and face Jezebel's wrath in hopes of earning her trust"... because it is something on Martin's mind and we're missing a few readers that might have filled in the option.
Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 5:56 pm Post subject: Chapter 7: Love or Revenge
Warning: this story has violence, swearing, gore, and sexual themes.
Chapter 7: Love or Revenge
If not now, never. Any more time in the crucible of Jezebel’s persuasion and there might not be anything left of him. He would be like Piggy. For fuck’s sake, she didn’t even want her old name anymore. He looked at her for a moment like a total stranger, forgetting that she was the one that put him back together over and over after Jezebel broke him. She was the only good thing here. But did he really know her at all?
Martin asked, “What’s your real name?”
Piggy shook her head. “Piggy.”
“The hell it is. What’s the name your mother gave you?”
Piggy’s face twisted up in pain, “That is what she called me. And Whore. Bitch. Tramp. Slut... Dyke….”
“Come with me. You don’t have to stay.”
“She’ll find me. If not here, than in Hell.”
“Who? Your mom or your devil?”
She nodded, unable to talk.
Martin started again, “Come with me!”
She shook her head.
“To Hell with you then!” he yelled and rebounded, “Why are you doing this?”
“Please go. She’ll be back soon.”
Martin felt his heart breaking in half. He said, a little embarrassed,
“At least give me something to remember you by."
She looked at him quizzically, wiping away tears to clear her sight, looked at herself and around the dungeon. She said,
“What could I give you?” She continued looking and thinking, but nothing looked sentimental at all. A whip? A collar? A scalpel? With a half smile, she picked up a grimy blood stained sponge that she used to clean Martin up with.
“OK. I wish you had a lock of hair or something.”
“Oh!” she said and ran to a corner. She retrieved two keys and swiftly unlocked a velvet-lined cabinet and then a small chest. She knew exactly how to get into everything. Martin shook his head. She could leave any time she wanted, but she wouldn’t. She brought him a small braid of vibrant red hair with a smile.
Martin said, “Is that right? I thought you might be a redhead…. It must have looked beautiful.” He held it up next to her face to imagine it.
She nodded. He wondered if he would even recognize her like that. Then Martin peered in the cabinet at a number of strange treasures. Weapons, bottles of strange concoctions, jewelry….
“What is all of that?”
“Mistress would be so mad,” Piggy said, then suddenly laughed, making Martin jump.
“Fuck me, warn me if you’re going to go crazy.”
“What does it matter now? Take whatever you want! Here!” she said hysterically, pulling out a gun and pointing it at Martin. “Bang, bang! Haha haha ha!”
Martin snatched the gun away. “What the hell has gotten into you?”
“What do you think this is?” Piggy asked, holding up a jar with some floating organ in it. “Do you think it’s a potion or something?”
“I think it’s none of our god damned business, how about we --”
Piggy threw the jar on the ground, glass and fluids flew everywhere and the organ or whatever it was started moving.
“Oopsie!”
“Oh you’ve really flipped now, come on! No, come on!”
“No! This is my last chance! Don’t you see!? I’m going to Hell!”
“Then why don’t you come away with me?”
“And miss the chance to see the look on her face!? No way in … HELLLLLLLL!” she wailed, laughing. Martin dragged her away before she unleashed another monstrosity. The organ that might be a liver pulsated as it grew. She broke away. “Hey, you should try on your suit! This was meant for you when you were ‘properly trained’,” she said with a very poor imitation of Jezebel. “She never fucking made me anything to wear… wait no, this lovely collar was made just for me.” Then she skipped over to another cabinet and revealed an all black suit with a satin tie.
“Yeah, that’s great. Is that thing going to keep growing?”
“Come on! Try it on!”
Martin kept an eye on the door and on the liver as he dressed. A perfect fit and it felt good to be respectable again. He pocketed the gun, the ‘missing’ poster, and the lock of hair. He carried the shoes toward the entrance from the Pit. Piggy knocked a few things over before throwing herself on the ground an absolute wreck. Martin offered his hand again but, again, she shook her head.
Martin said, “Piggy, there’s only 4 people in the world that I love.” He turned her face up to look at him. “You’re one of them.”
She turned away. It hurt him.
He said, “You aren’t going to know the difference when you get there. You put yourself in Hell a long time ago. I wish I could help you.”
She stood up, walked to the edge of the Pit, looked back and said, “I’m glad I met you first. My name was Emma.”
Then she leapt backward into the Pit. Martin lost sight of her immediately in the consuming darkness.
He felt cold emptiness as he looked on. He wasn’t sure what he should be feeling, he was just stunned and hollow. Then the liver grew large enough to knock something down and he immediately thought it was Jezebel. He recognized that he really needed to leave now.
The sides of the Pit looked very scalable at first. Very craggy and lots of footholds but the first grip revealed that it was not solid stone. It was slick and organic, like climbing the entrails of a giant. Not a single yard of it lent him a firm anchor, it was one desperate grip to another. He threw his shoes away and accepted that the slippery red fluid from every surface would coat his entire body. Many times, he started slipping and lost precious progress. He was certain he would fall and only desperation kept him fighting to grab hold of something. There was no resting possible. He had to push himself over and over. It was so dark and his eyes drowned in the red. He couldn’t tell where he was or if he made any progress at all.
“You’re going to have to dig yourself out of that hole,” he heard Brian say. It didn’t sound natural.
“Brian?” Martin asked desperately. “Is that you, brother?”
“Martin, you’re the strongest person I know, but even the strongest can’t do everything,” said Brian’s voice.
“Brian, where are you?”
“You’re going to have to dig yourself out of that hole you made,” Brian’s voice said, “But I’ll be here for you when you get out.”
“Oh my god, no,” Martin said. He knew those words. Brian said them when Martin was fighting his addiction to heroin. He was delirious but he remembered, probably because he was feeling delirious now. “You’re not here. You’re dead, Brian!”
“But I’ll be here for you when you get out. Hush now, brother.”
“Brian, I need your help,” Martin said. Then he heard a scream like an explosion. Some deviless was furious and it didn’t take much to guess who.
“Hush now, brother.”
Martin stayed quiet, he hugged the wall of the Pit as hard as he could. He could almost feel Jezebel’s eyes in the darkness. Close by he heard her?
“Piggy! Garbage! I will find you!”
The flutter of giant wings pushed a hot wind over him. The walls solidified around him and he could not move, but at least he could rest, then one last rush of wind, and as though Jezebel dropped into a dive, all was still. Martin took no extra time, he pushed and fought to break free again, and climb. Then the Pit lit up with a tower of fire. Martin looked down in horror thinking what may have happened to Emma. Then he looked up and could see he was nearly there.
He took a few breaths and then ran. He crossed paths with many strange creatures that defy categorization beyond hideous. Globs of flesh ~ Arachnoid Devils ~ Columns with poison gas hissing through their mouths. He ran past everything and didn’t look back and nothing he encountered could scare him more than the prospect of being recaptured. In the ashy outskirts and felt safe enough to circle around to where Biggs first brought him.
The taxi cab was still there, though it looked far worse than he would have expected. Rust spots everywhere ~ Windows caked with soot ~ Held together as if by string. He opened the driver’s side door and got in. He felt marginally safer… the dull roar of fire was duller, and the red light was blocked out. He started looking for a hidden key. Glove compartment, under the seats, in the visor, nowhere. He punched the dash in frustration and a key fell at his feet.
“Yes! Now to see if this thing starts!”
It shook violently at the first turn of the engine, throwing soot everywhere. Martin tried again.
“You can do it, baby. You took care of Biggs, now you can take care of me.”
The car shuddered and stopped.
“Hey, I know you miss him,” he said, not caring that he talked to it like a pet. He’d always talked to his cars and it always helped, as far as he was concerned. “You know he would want you to keep going. Come on, baby, you can do it!”
It shook more soot off, it lifted up off the ground.
“Yeah! That’s it! Now let’s get away from this hell hole!”
And with that, he was off. He had to work out how to go up and down, but everything else was just like a normal car. He floored the pedal and soon the fiery pit was out of sight.
“Maybe we’ll be ok, baby. It’s a big city, that bitch can’t look everywhere,” he said. He absent-mindedly tried the radio and found that there was indeed music in Purgatory. A lot of choices too. He started listening to some R&B to try to chill out to. He got out the Missing Poster.
“So, big brother’s still in Purgatory,” he said to the taxi. “Baby, I don’t know about this. He’s been dead over a year now. Shit, how do you go back and say ‘Hey? How you been? You know I killed someone over the shit they did to you?’ I mean, fuck. God damn shame what happened to Emma. Hey, I know I could have done better by your friend Biggs, too. We gotta put those things behind us.”
As a radio ad began, he slammed the brakes and turned up the volume. A voice that exudes charm and confidence struck him hard.
“-- waiting for Death. The rest of us have a life in Purgatory and we aim to keep it that way. Since the Shift of 2019, we have to face facts: it could happen again without warning.”
“That motherfucker!” Martin yelled.
“-- with Shift Insurance, you have a friend in waiting, ready to bail you out on a moment’s notice. In life, I helped people by opening free clinics in cities across the country and I can help you get that extra time you need to postpone Judgement until you’re good and ready, if ever. Come to the 33rd Floor of the Coleridge Building to meet our expert assessors to find a plan that works for you. I’m Gabriel Eldon, and I help you slam the door on Death.”
“You could have hid, you sack of shit, but you had to get your greasy ass on the radio, didn’t you?”
The missing poster was still in his hand. He had two addresses he could find… which one to take first? Was he ready to meet his brother again? The Coleridge Building was just a trailhead… Eldon was almost certainly there doing his own work, but he couldn’t let the trail go cold, either. And then again, was he ready for any kind of assault? Alone with one gun?
DP: To the Purgatory Shelter? To the Coleridge Building? Or maybe somewhere else?
“To Hell with you then!” he yelled and rebounded, “Why are you doing this?”
I snicker every time your characters use phrases like this, now that they're in places where 'hell' isn't figurative any more. I love it.
Quote:
“Mistress would be so mad,” Piggy said, then suddenly laughed, making Martin jump.
“Fuck me, warn me if you’re going to go crazy.”
There's a beautiful contradiction in 'warn me if you're going to go crazy'.
Quote:
“You can do it, baby. You took care of Biggs, now you can take care of me.”
The car shuddered and stopped.
“Hey, I know you miss him,” he said, not caring that he talked to it like a pet. He’d always talked to his cars and it always helped, as far as he was concerned. “You know he would want you to keep going. Come on, baby, you can do it!”
As someone who also talks to inanimate objects, I relate. I like to say 'I wouldn't do it if it didn't work'. Hopefully this car holds out! And doesn't require much in the way of fuel.
As for the DP, I am 100% leaning towards seeing his brother. For one, after the hell he just went through, it'd be good for Martin to have some form of recuperation. For two, now that he has the chance, it might be worth it to hear where he actually stands with all that's happened, how he feels about things.
_________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2019 7:36 am Post subject: What the hell are we talking about?
Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote:
I snicker every time your characters use phrases like this, now that they're in places where 'hell' isn't figurative any more. I love it.
Yeah, I'm also amused how often every day terms get turned around in the context of this story. I'm bummed Lordy isn't around right now, I think he would enjoy all these references.
Thanks for reading! That's one for the shelter. I'll leave the suggestion phase open for a week, then we'll go for a week into voting.
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I'm glad we're talking about the big picture, but really I'm looking for an answer to the question of whether or not to deal with one of the devils. I try to avoid baking in poll options, but at a minimum we have doing a deal with Barrus or doing a deal with Jezebel. However, I don't want people to feel like they can't just walk away, but if that's the decision we need some other plan to go with it so I have something to write a chapter about.
