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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 8:05 pm Post subject: Down the garden |
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Chapter 1-A noise
All teenagers were playing on Atmosphier(nightmare). A video-board game, in the living room.
"Oh no! I'm banished!"
"Lets cheat." whispered one of them.
"O.K. You take the blue keys i'll take the red ones."
They carried on playing the game. The Gate keeper banishing them, releasing them, calling them maggots and so on.
CRACK.
"What was that?"
"Hot chocolate for everyone!" came the voice of Darren's mum.
"YEY!!"
"WOOO HOT CHOC!!"
"I always burn my self on that. but it's still nice....mmmm. hot choc."
"Shut up Maria!"
"MUUUUUUM!!!! Ashley's being nasty!!!"
"Oh, why can't you cousins behave?"
"Mum. We're cousins. What do you expect?" said Darren as if his mum was stupid.
CRACK....CR.....ACK......CRICK.....CRACK!!!!
"Mum! there is something down the garden!!!"
"It's next doors dog! Now stop the nonsense! I told you you shouldnt have let Anna play that game with you. I said it would scare her!"
All of the teenagers and Anna sat drinking their hot chocolate.
"Just 'cos she's a baby!" said Michle and everyone laughed. Anna immediately burst into tears.
BANG--CRACKLE--CLING!
"What the hell was that?!!" asked Darren his head snapping around to look out towards the garden.
"I bet they let that dog loose into our garden so that it can go to the toilet again!" said Darren's and Maria's mum.
"Stupid neighbours!" said Darren.
"OI! We'll have less of that!" said his mum. After a pause and silence, "Stupid neighbours."
Then they all ignored what they heard and went back to their hot chocolate before it was time for bed.
O.K. A new one there. What do you think the sound should be? _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
Last edited by tramp in a storm on Mon Jul 10, 2006 11:30 am; edited 9 times in total
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Topics: 41 Posts: 5276 Location: Hell Items Legends
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 11:33 am Post subject: |
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a daemon summonded from the underworld to wreck havoc and make sacrifices in the name of it's unholy master
and it has a secret plan to destroy humanoty when the rituals work successfully _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Shady Stoat Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Topics: 76 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:53 pm Post subject: |
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A guardian of some sort, sent to warn them of the powers of evil that are coming for them. They have to run away. NOW!
Intriguing start. I like it
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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The ghost of someone buried in the garden.
A few typos in this one Storm! _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 11:03 am Post subject: |
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Nice ideas! Very different. Keep them comming.
Thanks stoat!
And thanks chinaren I'll check through it and see what i can correct. If i still miss anything out please feel free to correct me.
Not gonna improve if i dont make mistakes _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Solomon Birch Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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'Naibour' should be 'neighbour'
That's the only major one I noticed. Other than that, good start.
Now, for the noise... How about a three-toed monkfish warrior from the alternate dimension Mauna-Fizal'Ik'ubob 3. Who's looking for his long lost brother who he thinks might be buried somewhere in her garden. :biggrin: _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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Well...
Cheet is spelled Cheat
emedietly is immediately
You need some apostrophies in there as well in various places. They are used when something belongs to something;
EG: Chinaren's hat. See if you can find where to put them! _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Topics: 7 Posts: 1585 Location: You never know...I could be in YOUR dust bin. Items Legends
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Done!
Thanks you lot! I hope i got all of them:) I'll try to get less next time
Quote: | emedietly is immediately |
Its the doublkes again!!! they're out to get me!!!aaarrgggh!!!!
In year 7 my English teacher said that he had never seen anyone get their doubles so mixed up in his life!! lol. But I'm better now. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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O.K. I've decided to use this story as sort of like a storygame experiment. It will be a normal storygame apart from the polls. I will write the ideas down on a pice of paper (or on word) and letter them. In the poll i will put the letters. You have to vote for any letter you like and let the destiny of the story take its course.
The idea matching to the letter with most votes will be the idea i use.
Any questions just ask. And please comment on how you like the new idea of storygaming. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Phang Elder
Joined: 19 Sep 2004 Topics: 25 Posts: 2160 Location: Phang's House of Mints Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 8:38 am Post subject: |
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Random destiny - oooh. _________________ Stuff here
Da Huuuuub
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Vampireidiot Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Topics: 0 Posts: 932 Location: You don't want to know Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:04 am Post subject: |
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Hey storm, good first chap.
Atmosphere rocks!!! man, that games funny
the idea where we select randomly, is also good. This should be great fun :biggrin: _________________ watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Solomon Birch Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Topics: 18 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:17 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, should be good to at least trial the idea. Well done Storm for bringing some more inventivness to the Skiffy/Horror section! :biggrin: _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Topics: 7 Posts: 1585 Location: You never know...I could be in YOUR dust bin. Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 11:46 am Post subject: |
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Thank you very much everyone.
And Vamps, or Phang? A little question here: Have we ever actually finished that game? I mean as in actually played it all the way through from the begining 'till the end without cheating or throwing all the pieces around the room, and yes......also without playing barbie dolls with the cards and keys.....(I would never do that! especially not while watching the perverted Phantom of the Opera Halloween H2O!)
Poll goes up! *fingers crossed...ok uncrossed cos i cant type!* _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Topics: 7 Posts: 1585 Location: You never know...I could be in YOUR dust bin. Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 11:58 am Post subject: |
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I've muddled them all up. Now even I've forgotten what sugestions are what letters. I've got it all written on XL. But I wont look And I'll keep my votes this time round in case i need to brake a tie.
Good Luck to all of us _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Vampireidiot Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Topics: 0 Posts: 932 Location: You don't want to know Items Legends
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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Well i've voted for B.
And storm, in answer to your cool question, I have played it all the way through once with you guys, and once with alode of adults because it was christmas...though they were drunk and didn't know what they were doing, but still great fun!
Well, good luck on this, it should be interesting...( ooh i wonder what B is!!) :biggrin:
Can we find out what they all are when the poll is over? to see what we could have voted for? _________________ watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Solomon Birch Honored Citizen
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Topics: 18 Posts: 1562 Location: England..... but Japan beckons..... Items Legends
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Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 1:00 am Post subject: |
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I hope my three-toed monkfish warrior was in there somewhere....
Voted for C. _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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Shady Stoat Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Topics: 76 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends
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Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 1:04 am Post subject: |
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Welll.... I agonised over this one - I really did.
B and C were obviously the wrong choices, but D sounded like it might work. Still, I liked the sound of A. Choices choices!
In the end, I decided to be practical and just close my eyes and click around until I got a random letter
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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....calms down...sorry laughing again....Anyway!
Yes you will all get to see what the other choices were. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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Letter C it is! and letter C is.......*drum roll*.........*more drum roll as i look for XL and the answer*.........................
A DEMON SUMMONED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! I'll be doing the next chapter....ah might as well do it now _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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WARNING: This story from now on may contain the words Dick and Fanny. But in this story they are used as names. Do not get offended, they are real names and is used in childrens books written by Enid Blyton (and no i havent read anymore of the Famous Five i gave up on book 11 when i got hold of Darren Shan books.lol)
Chapter 2= Nightmares and Demons.
"Good night mum!"
"Good night Aunt Fanny."
"Good night sweetheart."
"Goodnight mummy!"
"Goodnight darling."
"What time is Uncle Richard coming back?"
"Late, Ashley, Late." she sighed and all 5 children went to bed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The front door slammed shut. Anna jerked up straight. She had been edgy all night and slept with one eye open. Daddy never slams the doors. He knows we're in bed. she thought.
There was heavy breathing downstairs that could be heard all the way up fron the girls room. Anna hid under her bed covers leaving a tiny gap to peek through and breathe through.
"Dick?" Came her mums voice. That was uncle Richard's nick-name.
"Do you think so honey?" came a deep voice.
That's not daddy. thought Anna. then her mother screamed. A high pitched gurgly scream. then a whimper so qiet Anna could hardly hear it. It sounded like "please, not the children. Take me instead!"
"Richard was no good to me. Why should you be?"
"But he's older than me."
"But he is healthier than you. You have a cold that's been going for months. Besides Maria's sister is pretty. I can strike a deal with another demon. She will pay alot of energetic souls for beauty."
"No!" screamed Aunt Fanny. "Leave them alone!"
"Look, lady; My master needs souls full of energy to take over the world. Each sould makes him stronger. Got it?"
"Then why dont you take someone elses souls?" Then Anna heard a slap and her mum screaming. What should I do? _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
Last edited by tramp in a storm on Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 1:50 pm Post subject: |
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A bit of extra info here:
O.K. we have:
Anna Nomed-10 years old
Maria Nomed-14 years old
Darren Nomed- 16 years old.
Their cousins are
Michel and Ashley Retsam are twins and they are both 15 years old. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Shady Stoat Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Topics: 76 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Wake the other kids up and go and sneak a peek at what's happening downstairs.You can always run if - I mean, when - it gets scary and Aunt Fanny is killed
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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Indeed! Good old names! Mind you it could be worse. I had a manager called Michael Hunt once, but he liked to be called Mike. Really.
Anyway, run away, wake the others quickly, and continue running away! _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Vampireidiot Respected Citizen
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:30 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, wake the others and take a peek then run away. Lol
I could be entertaining for the kids to see a demon :biggrin: _________________ watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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Phang Elder
Joined: 19 Sep 2004 Topics: 25 Posts: 2160 Location: Phang's House of Mints Items Legends
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:34 am Post subject: |
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I'm F5ing everyone else about the demon-watching. _________________ Stuff here
Da Huuuuub
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Solomon Birch Honored Citizen
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:10 am Post subject: |
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Short but good chapter.
Few typos:
Quote: | Do you think sp hunny? |
I think this should be so. And should 'hunny' be spelt like that? I know that's probably how it sounds.... just wondering, ignore me...
Quote: | been going fo months |
This should be for.
I think that the little girl will try and run in to help her mummy, no matter how scary the voice sounds. And that way, we get to see the deamon! :biggrin:
*holds breath* _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks you lot. I'll put up a poll soon. But i think we'll get to go demon spotting no matter what happens. lol.
But now, its bed time! lol. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Vampireidiot Respected Citizen
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:18 am Post subject: |
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Is there any chance we can see what we could have voted for, like they do on them game shows. This is what you could have won!!! LOSER!!! *does loser sign*, they are so sad rofl like me! :biggrin: _________________ watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 5:08 am Post subject: |
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Polls up! _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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Solomon Birch Honored Citizen
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:04 am Post subject: |
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Voted!
*holds breath* © _________________ "Humankind cannot stand too much reality" - T.S. Elliot
Thesopholis - A Noir Sci-Fi Story - Chapter 8 is up! Read it here
The End of the Voyage - Chapter 9
Shady the Furry Goblin! [Demon's, Satan and Slobadan Milosevic!] - Chapter 3
The Quest for the Legendary Rubber-Duckie! - Chapter 3
One Last Bullet.... Chapter 3
Green Eyes - Chapter 5
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 9:23 am Post subject: |
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OK people new chapter up soon. So far it looks like we wake everyone up and go see whats going on. But keep the votes coming. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
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tramp in a storm Honored Citizen
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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You can breath now soily! sorry.
Chapter3= Demon! -part one
Anna stood at her bedroom door listening. What should she do? was this just a joke? a dream? No. Everything sounded real.
She tiptoed over to Marias bed and stook her gently.
"Maria? wake up. please wake up, Maria. Help." she whispered. Maria awoke with a grunt.
"What is it?"
"Listen."
Maria listened. and sure enough she heard the voices down stairs.
*~*~*~*
"Jasmine is pretty. I need her. I can trade her for an unimaginable award."
"Leave her out of this!" screached Marias mum.
*~*~*~*
Maria gasped. Jasmine was her older sister. She was 21 and lived with her boyfriend. Last year she had to face a Demon looking for beauty. The Demon was defeated but its master wasnt. Maria, Jasmine and their parents were the only ones who knew about this. And ofcourse Darren, being her older brother had to fight.
"Maria, I'm scared." said Anna.
"Look Anna. You have to understand. There are sertain facts you have to accept and put up with them. And when i tell you, you will not start to cry. Understood?"
"Yes." said Anna her voice small and full of fear.
"Look. Anna. Demons are real. Demons are usually controlled by Demon Masters. But it isnt all to do with magic. The real demon world is a micture of magic, science, superstition and so on. Even stories can come to life sometimes. Jasmine had to defeat a demon on her 20th birthday. I will explain to you about that later though.
Right now we have to get out. Because if I'm right the Demon down stairs is one serving a Demon Master called Yegren. If you rearange his name it it Energy. He seeks energy to take over the world and blah blah blah."
"What does this have to do with us?"
"Anna. We are children. We are the most energetic living things that these monsters can get their hands on. Now I want you to wake the boys. Climb through the cupboard and to the back there is a door leading to their room. Wake them and tell them that Yegren is on the move and that he has a Demon down stairs."
Anna did as she was told. She fought her tears back so badly, bless her. She had a knot in her throat and she trembled with fear. But she had to do as she was told. Maria was older, wiser and knew about this. Anna had just stopped believing in magic and now she has to start all over again.
Maria got her bag that was under her bed just incase anything like this ever happened again. She had tinned food in there and bottles ready to be filled with drink. Every few days she would put in fresh bread and she had just put in a new loaf this morning. Now she was ready to go.
She climbed in the wardrobe and picked up a bag that contained clothes and things. Then she entered the boys room through the back. All they had to do now is see who they're up against, try save their mum if needed and run. Run for their dear little lives. _________________ Did you know: If you plug speakers into your ears, your thoughts will be heard out loud
Last edited by tramp in a storm on Mon Mar 20, 2006 2:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Topics: 340 Posts: 8882 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: | Run for their dear little lifes |
Lives.
Yes, run. Run very fast!! _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Shady Stoat Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Topics: 76 Posts: 2950 Location: England Items Legends
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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Definitely run. Run as fast as the gingerbread man
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Vampireidiot Respected Citizen
Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Topics: 0 Posts: 932 Location: You don't want to know Items Legends
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Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 1:18 am Post subject: |
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lol, run run as fast as there little legs can go! :biggrin: _________________ watch out behind you....
*THUD!!!*
to late........
!!
Hmm...now for a story!
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