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Kalanna Rai
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 Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:54 am Post subject: |
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Well since in real IF Crady petitioned Key for help at one point I think she should make the mistake of trying it again in FI...only Key naturally decides to make her the prime source of entertainment...leaving it up to the others to figure out how to rescue her.
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dinranwen
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:50 am Post subject: |
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You are evil cruel insane....and a pure Genius!
That being said,
*clears throat* I F5 Rai....that should be really fun to watch.
I also glad that you had the wisdom not to describe Din in FI...I would continue this trend if you don't want to end up a little bald ex-orange monster. And no that wasn't a threat...merely a creative insitive. *smiles*
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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Now, this is a situation. Here's me, once again trapped in Lilith's bosom, while Froggy is stuck being dreamy. And with Smudger - how unlucky can you get  .
I think the first priority is to rescue Frogster - that would be a fate worse than death. Lordy can stay where he is for now (or is that where I am for now - I'm never quite sure with these alternate realities). If I am (he is) still High Chanceller in that universe, then he might be the best bet for helping China get rid of the Black Whitesmith.
Of course, I forsee Blackie being sniffed at 'Buttons' interferal, so that could cause problems. Or, it could open up possiblities for me to see my alternative alternate personality. If that makes sense.
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Shogun
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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| lordofthenight wrote: | | Now, this is a situation. Here's me, once again trapped in Lilith's bosom, |
Not a bad thing may I add.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Lol, Lillith and Lordy, how cute.
And as for my portrayal... is my avatar really so misleading about my personality?
Funny again, China.
I have no clue what Crady should do. Maybe find her way to the room where she saw BS attempt his evilness, in hopes of finding that machine again- which she can reverse?
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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Huh, what to do?
Listening to other people and seeing them would be fun to watch, but would fail to move the plot forward.
She could always meet people going to rescue Crunchy.
Of course, then rescuing their guide would be imparitive, as would distracting Blacky to save Chinaren.
Very funny chapter, can't wait to read more.
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Argonaut
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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| seems like the question everyone's trying to answer is who to try and rescue first. Well I can't think of anything clever to get Lordy, China or Crunchy out of their respective jams. So, how about Crady goes right no to looking for the machine that will get them back, and hopes the others can get themselves out of the party on their own.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 5:21 am Post subject: |
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I say Chinaren pays me the money! He has severe debts, and if he pays now he'll stil be in line for no-claims discounts from Blacky insurance inc.! Erm, not that he would in any way need to claim. After all, Blacky inc. strictly denies any and all accusations of bribing D-Lilypad in return for services involving non-paying customers!
Erm, ahem *deactivates Black Whitesmith mode* Yes, I think they should do whatever everyone else has suggested. Very good!
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| Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:13 am Post subject: |
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Hehe, okay, well, Crunchy's involuntary habit of changing gender should send Smudger packing at some point, probably to the loony bin...! Chinaren has to keep up the appearance of a complete goofball who is blue but has been painted orange. Perhaps blowing his cover in some way... (the orange paint doesn't rub off, or he just isn't acting stupid enough) might create enough of a diversion to get cute liddle Lordy out of his pickle.
Oh, and talking of stupid, yeah, I agree with IM, we really need a Stupidium Master, and he REALLY needs to be stupid. I mean MEGA-DUMB. Sort of casting random stupidium fuelled spells to generally mess things up.
*orders fries and Fanta, puts feet up and waits for commercial break to finish* 
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LordoftheNight
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| Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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Just for all the new-timers out here, I thought I'd post what my alter-ego looks like. In IF at least. I'm not sure if this is what Chinaren's talking about for FI, but it's worth a shot.
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Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:35 am Post subject: |
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Ooh, at some point in the story can we throw Lordy to Fenris as a toy? If he's anything like my puppy Lordy will have a few less limbs and no ears/head. I want to see that!
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: |
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In lordoftheday mode. Don't forget.
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| Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:20 am Post subject: |
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AH!! sorry for earliers post... had a bit of a fight *pokes brother with stick*
Well. I think if king is an tirent he should destroy the moment of party when he walks in and take out everyone that is not how he remembers them and throw them in jail.
Or when he disturbs blbla. Everything falls silent and then, he annonces something-- dont know what, mabe he heard a rumour of stranger walking around.
But when he looks about room -- they are gone. see everything is safe. Erm.
Or the party can go wrong all on it's own...
And christalnightshade should go look for herslef... Or anything intersting and new faces and info... ect and places...
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| dinranwen wrote: |
I also glad that you had the wisdom not to describe Din in FI... |
Well, we don't know who was hanging off the arm of Smudger as he came in, do we?
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 2:27 am Post subject: |
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Oh aye. *settles down to watch*
Popcorn anyone?
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:46 am Post subject: |
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K, I have merged all the suggestions, so dip your cup into the punch bowl of voting.
I like the idea of a Stupidium Master, watch this space for a guest appearance. Oh, and Din, your alter ego would hardly miss a party now, would she?  
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:53 am Post subject: |
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For a moment there I thought that the first oftion said 'Crady explodes'...
*drinks punch*
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:41 am Post subject: |
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And thus more chapters for us to read
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 9:58 am Post subject: |
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| this is really funny Chinaren It lowered your Insanely Rich Jerk meter a notch or two but I'd love to see what I'd look like in FI so do you think I can get put in
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:16 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 4. Party Poopers.
“You really are sumptuous you know,” crooned Smudger, his hands wandering lower.
Crunchy Frog giggled and pulled his hand back up. “Ooh, you are a one!” She exclaimed.
“So my dear, are you new? I haven’t seen you here before. I would have noticed such radiance.”
Crunchy blushed. “I am just passing through,” she said.
“Well, I hope you will allow me to show you various sights.” Smudger pressed close. “There are many marvelous things to see in the Imperial City of FI. The Black tower of Stoatly Torture, the DukeReg pits. The wondrous bed-chamber of Smudger…”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Crunchy as he tried to avoid stepping on Smudgers’ toes.
His dance partner did a double take. “Wait a minute! A minute ago…”
Crunchy shrugged. “I know, I come and go from time to time.”
Smudger paused, then shrugged. “Mmmm, this should prove an interesting night.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Crunchy smiled, but gently disengaged. “I look forward to it, but if you would excuse me for a minute, I must speak to my friend…”
“Of course, of course. Later though?”
Crunchy waved his fingers and grinned. “Don’t hold your breath,” he muttered under his breath, and set off towards where he had left the others.
The only problem was, they were no where to be seen…
>
An usher, dressed in black and gold, cleared his throat and announced: “Fresh from the successful torture of the Brigand Masterweaver in the Arena, I have the honor to present the esteemed Mod for HEM: Dinranwen!” He stepped to one side as the doors swung back to reveal a figure, dressed, if the word could apply to a thin strip of gauze wrapped loosely round the body, in a sparkling white outfit studded with precious jewels.
Dinny swept into the hall, flashing bright teeth in a blinding smile. “Darlings! How glad you are to see me! No, no please, don’t get up! A simple curtsey will do just fine! Ahh! How are you Alegria, you really must get those sores seen to you know. Now, be a good little boy and fetch me a drink would you?”
Patting Alegra on the back, and subconsciously wiping her hand clean, Dinrenwen looked about. Her smile suddenly ceased as she saw Lilith, still on the dance floor, with Lordy’s little legs protruding from the top of her dress.
Pushing Alegra to the floor, causing the poor cripple to pour drink over his own head, the Mod of HEM stalked over to the dancing Dark Fairy.
“What,” she demanded, “are you doing with my little Lordy?” She pointed to Lordy’s legs as they wiggled about from Lilith’s cleavage.
“I am showing him a good time!” Lilith smiled an insincere smile.
A crowd began gathering around the two.
“Well, I think he has had enough of your smelly underwear now. Hand him over to me!” Din held her hand out.
Lilith smiled even wider. “Firstly,” she said. “I don’t wear underwear. Secondly, what makes you think my little Lordy-Wordy would want to consort with a harlot?”
“Aaaah,” said the crowd as one.
“He’s stuffed down your dress isn’t he?” Responded Dinrenwen.
“Ooooh!”
“Leave Lilith alone!” Piped up Polokin.
“Quiet ducky,” snapped Dinranwen, giving Polokin a slap around the head.
“Let the duck be bitch!” Snarled Lilith, extending her claws.
“Make me!”
“Not a problem!” Lilith launched herself at Dinranwen, nails aimed for the eyes. The HEM Mod countered, pulling at the Evil fairies’ wings.
“Tart!”
“Whore!”
“Hooker!”
“Visitor!”
The crowd’s heads swung back and forth as the punches and insults flew. Dinranwen grabbed Lordy’s legs and pulled the little Moderator out of the bosom of Lilith, who snatched at the little doll’s arms in turn.
“Let go of him! He only likes true Evil!”
“What’s he doing with you then?”
Lilith and Dinranwen yanked at Lordy, who began to cry as the tug of war developed.
“Let me go! Pleeeese!”
Lilith suddenly kicked Dinranwen in the shin, but lost her grip on Lordy as she did so. Dinny was taken by surprise and Lordoftheday went flying over their heads.
The crowd followed his progress as he tumbled through the air, wailing all the while, to eventually land with a dull splash in the much abused punch bowl.
“Look what you did!” Cried Lilith.
“It’s your fault!” Dinranwen countered, and they were off again, rolling about on the floor, gouging and scratching whist the onlookers cheered and placed bets.
Crunchy frog made his way over to the bowl and pulled the dripping Lordy out of it. “Are you okay?”
Lordy sniffed. “Those bullies,” he said, wiping a tear away. “One day they will get theirs, you will see.”
“Hopefully we won’t be around then,” said Crady, joining them.
“Where have you been?” Asked Frog.
“Looking around. If the machine is anywhere, it must be upstairs.” She gestured at the grand stairway.
“We need to get Chinaren first,” said Crunchy.
“Why?”
“Well... er, give me a minute to think.”
They looked over at the table where Chinaren was sitting glumly as The Black Blacksmith waved pieces of paper with numbers on them at him.
>
“Mr. Mayor,” The Blacksmith leaned on the table, “you aren’t co-operating. Do you really want me to get the whips out?”
Chinaren rubbed his hands together. “Ah, that’s better. Finally we stop this Tax nonsense and get down to some fun. Do you have a spare mask? I have left my one behind…”
“MR. MAYOR!” Blacky slammed her hand on the table, making Chinaren jump. “My whips are not for fun…”
“Really? It’s just that… you know… I mean, I heard…” Chinaren trailed off as the Taxation officer glared at him.
“I can see that I am going to have to report back to Key when he arrives…”
Her statement was cut off by a loud blast from two trumpeters stationed at the main doors, which drowned out all the activity in the room. Dinranwen and Evil Lilith hastily climbed to their feet and straightened their garments.
The guests directed their full attention to the doors as they swung open. The usher stepped forward again and spoke in a loud clear voice.
“Lords and Ladies, you have the rare honor and privilege to be graced by none other than your Benevolent and Fearless King. The ruler who knows no equal, as handsome as he is intelligent. The man who led FI to victory in the great FO war, razing our ancient enemy to the ground and enslaving the entire population! The merciless mind that crushed underfoot the Brigands of Beetrootland. Un-matched in wit! Unequalled in history! More than a mere mortal, but a God who stalks the earth! Bow low now, and tremble in fear as He walks amongst you! You who are unworthy to lick the undersides of his shoes after he has waded through dog poop! You are as insignificant worms next to a Mighty gold dragon! You who are…urg.”
The man’s speech was cut short suddenly. Blood trickled from his mouth as he whispered…”The King.” Then he dropped to the ground, a dagger protruding from his back.
A man stepped forward, stooping briefly to retrieve the knife. Dressed in the finest black robes, edged with real gold trim, the slim figure of the Tyrant stood for a moment in the doorway. His diamond and Idearium crown glistened with a life of its own.
Key smiled. “What a dullard!”
The crowd immediately burst into laughter, as if the statement was the funniest thing that had ever fallen from anyone’s lips.
The king moved into the room. In one hand he held a black stick with a golden cord attached, trailing behind. He tugged on it as he paced forward. “Come on Stupidium Master!” He said.
Stumbling after Key another form, dressed in luminous green and pink robes, shambled forward. Drool slithered down his chin and he looked about the hall vacantly.
“Stupidium master has learned another trick today!” The king announced. The crowd clapped politely. “Here, I will show you.” He turned to the un-wizard. “SM! Down! Lay down!”
Stupidium Master looked at him blankly.
“Down! Down I say!” Key brought the stick around and thwacked SM on the side of the head with it. SM fell over.
“Good SMaster!” Beamed Key. The crowd broke out into applause once more, this time with cheering.
“Your majestic imperial wondrous majesty!” The Black Blacksmith called out, scurrying over and bowing low before Key.
“We are being informal today,” said the King. “You may drop the ‘imperial’.”
“Your majestic wondrous majesty is too kind!” Exclaimed Blacky. “But Sire! I have to report Chinaren’s lack of co-operation in my tax investigation!”
“Chinaren?” Key looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Your majestic imperial wondrous majesty! I have been interrogating the Mayor.” The Blacksmith gestured at Chinaren, who stood up and looked around nervously.
Key frowned. “If that is Chinaren, and whoever heard of an Orange Chinaren, then who is this?” He pointed behind him, at the shambling blue form that was just wandering into the hall.
The audience, who were thoroughly enjoying the party so far, looked back and forth at the two Chinarens. One blue and one orange.
Chinaren (orange) raised his hands and moved away from the table. “Your injestic maperial majesticness! I can explain everything!”
“You can?” Key raised an eyebrow.
“Er. No. RUN!” Chinaren shouted, making a dash for the stairs. Crady and Crunchy, still carrying Lordy, hastily followed him.
“Get them!” Shouted Key.
The hall erupted in pandemonium as everyone tried to carry out the King’s command. Dinranwen took advantage of the turmoil to break a bottle over Lilith’s head, flooring the fairy.
Chinaren, Crady and Crunchy ran, jumped and dodged through outstretched hands, barely making it onto the stairs.
A short squat figure dressed in yellow was coming the other way. “I have them!” Shogun cried.
Crunchy kicked him between the legs and the three jumped over his body as it rolled down the stairs, colliding with Alegra and causing a mini-human avalanche.
“That way!” Said Lordy, pointing.
The escapees followed his directions, turning left and right down luxurious passageways, leaving their pursuers behind.
Eventually they burst through a door into a large lab. “Thank the gods!” Crady said as she saw the shape of the Exorciser machine.
Crunchy leaned against the door. “We need to barricade this!” She said.
The others quickly grabbed anything they could find and piled it up, forming a fairly effective blockage just as the first pursuers reached them, hammering on the door.
Chinaren ran over to the machine and started pressing buttons. Nothing happened.
“You have to enter the code!” Said Lordy. “Here, let me!” He toddled over the panel and punched in several numbers.
A dull hum started, rising in pitch until it eventually drowned out the shouting from the crowd. The now familiar hole in the continuum opened, swirling with unreal colors.
“You need to set it for the New Year,” said Chinaren. “It’s dangerous to be in two places at the same time.”
Lordy nodded and fiddled with the controls. “There!” He said finally.
“Great!” Said Crunchy, and dived into the tear in IFSpace-time.
“Wait!” Said Lordy. “It isn’t on full power! It could affect your memory!”
Too late. Crunchy was a dwindling form, falling between dimensions.
A red light started to flash.
“What’s that?” Asked Chinaren.
“The battery is low. That last jump must have drained it.”
“Is it enough to get home?” Asked Crady.
“I don’t know,” said Lordy. “When the power is low the destination-time quantum capacitor may fluctuate randomly, meaning the accelerated transport particles portal jump to inaccurate target zones.”
The others looked at him.
“You could land in a random place and or time,” Lordy sighed.
Chinaren and Crady looked at each other, then at the door that was threatening to give way under repeated poundings.
“I don’t see we have any choice,” said Crady.
“Together then,” said Chinaren.
Crady looked at LordoftheDay. “Will you be okay?”
“Oh, don’t worry about me,” said Lordy. “I will say you forced me to do your bidding. Go! And… good luck!”
Chinaren and Crady took deep breaths. “Hey, you still haven’t paid me that rent,” said Chinaren.
“Jump!” said Crady.
They jumped.
>
Crunchyfrog dangled dangerously from a tree root that protruded near the top of a cliff face, some distance from the city. Hanging by both hands he stared out to the horizon, where he could see the spires in the mist as the sun began to rise. Something didn't look right. He thought he could see smoke hanging over the whole city. Everything looked dull, not gleaming like it did when he came upon it for the first time a month ago.
He had no idea how he'd got here now. Looking down, there was a narrow ledge about 10 feet below him, then a sheer drop of several hundred feet below that…
>
Crady screamed as Chinaren landed on top of her. “Get off me!”
“Ooof!” Chinaren rolled off her. “Sorry,” he said.
Crady sat up. “Are we home? Did we make it? Where’s Crunchy?”
They looked around.
“Oh dear. Not again,” said Chinaren.
>>>>>>
Crunchy has made it back, just in time for Hangover. China and Crady are still lost though.
And again, another chance for you to suggest where or when they are!
<<<<<<
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:39 am Post subject: |
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Nice one! And I like the way you got the opening paragraphs of the Hangover in there too!
I think the future this time. One of many possible futures, that is.
A long time in the future, where IF has been dug up by some archaeologists and they have attempted to rebuild it as a museum piece. Not knowing what IF is or was all about, they have nothing but the contents of the storygames to go by.
The Tales of IF forum is the only source of info about the actual inhabitants of the city, and they have attempted to bring back holographic images of us all, but with some interesting 'errors', due to missing information, misinterpretation about customs, character traits, etc.
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dinranwen
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:25 am Post subject: |
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This one had me chuckling the whole way through, and practically had my sides in stiches.
Oh my...Oh dear......Opposite indeed. And since it's so funny I dediced to forgive you. Lordy, however, I see you later, wheither or not you see me depends on the accuracry of your suvilance videos.
*clears throat* As for the Dp, Crunchy's idea of a future If is a good one but here's a few more ideas.
Their on a Deserted Island in the middle of Fanta Sea.
Their in an alternate demension where they can see, hear, but can't interact with the inhabitants...and thus can't find their way out.
Their in AHA...or Of, and AHA/OF has taken over IF.
Their in IS, and everyone is looking at them really weirdly.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:58 am Post subject: |
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I really need to familiarise myself with the histories of IF/OF/IS/AHA and all that stuff.
I am having a lot of trouble using the IFki. Is there anywhere people can point me to for a (quick) read, or maybe update me somehow?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:00 am Post subject: |
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| Crunchyfrog wrote: | I really need to familiarise myself with the histories of IF/OF/IS/AHA and all that stuff.
I am having a lot of trouble using the IFki. Is there anywhere people can point me to for a (quick) read, or maybe update me somehow? |
Apart from a passing mention about the Dark Lords of AHA, I think it is, and their perpetual war with IS, there isn't anything about the other cities. I do have an idea for AHA though, if they end up there.
For the other cities, we need to build up some information, but slowly, slowly.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:46 am Post subject: |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
bitch
whore
visitor- whaha
this story made me laugh alot. I liked the fighting and how everything came to fit together. I think I do not know where we are, but for cruncer. I say that smee ends up where we are and so do we see Rai walking about with a pound of flesh you see.
then it fall's into the hangover. Or somewhat we're stuck in the future or the past of the old if. 
I have no clue to what or where everyone will be at, but i do hope I'll become just as funny as this chapter.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Worse, they are in Real Life!!! 
Ha, I'm a cripple.
How is that opposite, exactly?
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Argonaut
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd like to see what Chinaren comes up with if they get stuck between the Dark Lords of THE and the AHA confederation
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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RL... wooohhoo. no way... anything but RL Ok so I won't mind at all, but that be just ok maybe funny...
opposite...  well, going deleted. hehe
and if i remember china saying "oh no not again" or something like it.
AHA council I don't know it, so why not try it out.
Or there is a whole new world of if like called. l.m.g.f Or called
IFOFAHA  where everything is mxied and happening.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:40 am Post subject: |
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Another future idea: The Cult of IF!!
IF has long gone, but in its place is a strange sect of people living in the ruins, performing rituals and sacrificial rites based on every day stuff that goes on around here.
Badly made effigies and statues of present citizens of IF are worshipped as deities, there is the ritual Bobthwacking at full moon, with the Holy Thwacker, and the sect's mantra, which is, of course, 'I do not spam, I contribute'
Cren and Crady are hailed as something amazing that has just come true in their holy writings... and maybe find themselves part of a macarbre ritual, or expected to perform a miracle which of course they are totally not capable of...
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 2:40 am Post subject: |
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cruncy I F5 you. that is funny
a cult in If. what if king is to lead it- or he is the sacrifice. or he died and we have to make him come alive.
that be impossible- the they start a roit and we run, while we see all the ifains we know running aroun dwearing black robes and evil make up.
thwaking bob the ape dog at full moon. lets see what of thwaking bob the cat...
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 4:58 am Post subject: |
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You know I just had the strangest feeling when you posted that. clinging onto a computer, funny funny. LOL
Ok the cult then.
Or RL cult and our charrecter is like catoonish and everyone runs. well mostly from china because where *cough* are your clothes.
        THE CULT OF AHA IFFI... call it that or THE.IF.FI.OF.AHA.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 5:36 am Post subject: |
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I like the museum idea best... But what about... they are in the middle of the battle field where the first combat of the IfOf war is about to take place.
The IfOf war needs to get into one of your sgs Nerc. Everyone knows that If anf Of are going to go to war one day, and what better place to do it than in a storygame?
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Mastermind
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| Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 5:35 am Post subject: |
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A future IF, where the land is ravaged by the RL disease, and the few remaining citizens of IF is under constant siege of the Stupidium Army.
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| Poll. Finally. |
| 'If argonaut escapes, the world will fall as he will meet himself and turn evil, destroying all of humanity as he believes himself to be the world's greatest evil. You must not let the clone get away!' |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| Ren needs to meet all the Newbs that signed up since he 'left' |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| If China meets any of the newbs before his time, there will be a paradox, caused by Chinaren gaining foreknowledge of the newbs. Or something. |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crossfire, Lilith, Mastermind, NeverNeverGirl, The White Blacksmith |
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