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Alegria
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 Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: The Priest (Polling) |
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Warning: This Storygame is definitely NOT funny, but as it is set in reality, I didn’t know where to put it.
Prolouge
Based on the Song "Hide and Seek"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc
 The light filtered into the clearing, illuminating the moths who danced in the breeze, coming close together one second and darting off another. Bird calls sounded through the air along with the ruffling of trees. The night was perfect and beautiful and sad and mournful. The night was wild and passionate and consuming. The silver of the moon made the world shine and turn a gray color. The trees seemed to whisper goodbye and the stars felt like angels singing in a choir. Nature was serenely depressed. The scent of pine came in from the green forest.
The man looked up at the sky from the ground and shouted wordlessly at the sky, at a God he couldn’t see, and at a God that didn’t care. A cold wind blew in from the forest, almost as a punishment for disturbing the beauty and the glory of the night.
The moths scattered as the man ran at them, angry at the dominating world. He spread his arms out to the sky and wept.
God still did not respond.
Desperately, the man started to climb a tree, never letting go of the wood until he reached the top of the ancient oak that dominated the clearing. He crawled out to the end of the branch and leapt off. There was a crunch as his arm broke. He didn’t care. He just stared at the sky and shouted the first thing that came to his mind.
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
The night was silent save for the sound of his desperate sobs. The moths regrouped, the trees rustled, the moon caressed the forest with its silver fingers. The man stood up, holding his arm. He thought of something. It was a dim thought at first, but in time it grew to its full potential. It blossomed out of his lips and rang harshly through the air.
“Am I being punished? Is there no salvation from my sins against you? What must I do for redemption? Why did you take her away from me?”
Angered by the silence of God the man turned away to look at the once-Eden that was this clearing. It was perfect, but not to him. Nothing could be perfect or happy again. He looked through the feeling for some compassion and found none. The night was unconcerned with him, self-important in its own glory and passion, a glory and passion that was not wasted, a glory and passion that was used by others, had once been used by him. He thought for a moment and looked to his God again, looking to the cold stars.
“By God we could have had it! We could have had the dream! We had the house and the car and the money! We had it all! We had each other! Don’t You care that I want to die? Don’t I care that I want to die?”
The rustling leaves breathed God’s answer. Nothing. The man walked to the body under the oak tree, silent tears falling on her face.
“No, You don’t care a bit.”
He stood there for a moment and leaned over to kiss the corpse on the lips, wetting her face with his tears. He then realized he was half-naked like an animal and put on his black shirt and white collar, not caring as it went over his broken arm. He walked towards the town and resolved never to look up to the sky again.
A cloud covered the moon and quickly clouds covered the stars, too. It started to rain upon the little clearing. The moths fluttered to the trees to find shelter and the leaves stopped rustling as the tears of God fell upon the earth.
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-Friedrich Dürrenmatt
 
Last edited by Alegria on Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:15 am; edited 8 times in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 12:50 pm Post subject: |
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That was, indeed, dark and gloomy and emotional. I suppose it's a prologue, so I'll wait for more. It'll be interesting to see how you weave this thread into your knitting.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:18 am Post subject: |
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oh yes! Welcome to HEM!
That was really well written - i cant wait to see where you take this!
*sits trying not to fidget*
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:00 am Post subject: |
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Hey
Im new and i just read your story
Its great, fab and kwl
but why does it have a dark side will he get better?
I cant wait till you write some more!!!!!!!
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, but I honestly don't know if I'll keep this one.
I wrote it on a whim and I don't think I can nurture another sg along with uriel and RIB.
I like this idea, but I think I'm going to let this one slip past mostly unnoticed and save it for later....
Check out my other SGs, though. They're in Fantasy and SciFi.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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I like this one, Alegria! It's a different kind of tale.. it's always nice to stretch your writing legs and tackle something different. What brought this story into your brain?
.. this is the area for experimental stuff anyway, right? So... on you go then! 
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......back and forth.....
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:32 am Post subject: |
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Of all the three you have running at the moment, this is the one I like the best.
(Not that I don't think the others are good, it is just I think this one has the edge.)
I hope you find the inspiration to continue it.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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The inspiration isn't lacking, it's the time.
However, I think I shall continue to post on this one, since Uriel and RIB seem to be in a slump right about now....
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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OK, I think I finally ironed out what I really wanted this SG to "have"
See the new link at the top of the prologue? Click it. It's a link to the song this chapter is "based on."
Right click it and choose "open link in new window" Then, minimize the new window as the music video plays and read. You may want to turn the sound down so it's just background music.
Got it? Read on!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, I see what you mean now about using music, although you did not use it in the DP. It's sort of an ambience thing. Sometimes, however, music distracts people from what they are reading, because they need a lot of silence. Others, however, can tolerate it while they read. The beauty is that the music is optional, so it works either way.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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Basically the readers will nominate songs (within a certain genre) to "base" the next chapter upon. Each song has a different mood and affects how the chapter will come out. e.g. if a reader wants a happier chapter, they nominate a happier song. If a sad song is desired, a sad song is decided upon and so on.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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Now that I've read this, I am even more insistent that you continue. I want to see where you go with this well written idea.
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Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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I F5 Jack's comment- write more!
I think the idea of the songs are interesting, but may be hard to pull off
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 12:46 pm Post subject: |
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So can I nominate a song for the DP? In your other thread in the Open forum you say it should be a song without lyrics, so I'm guessing it should just be a piece of music that we vote for you to write by?
Here's an example Danse Macabre
so if there are any other nominations we all listen to the nominations then vote?
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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Ooooh, I like this.
Oh, if you could all follow Crunchy's example and put a link on your post, that would be great!!!
Also, as I said in the Open Forum, since not everyone here speaks English and I don't speak anything but English, please try to make the songs ones without lyrics. Anything classical is good (can't beat Mozart), but I personally think that some of the best writing music is from the composers of the 20th century (Holst, Gershwin, Edgar, etc...)
Please give more music suggestions.
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| Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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How about Carlos NUÑEZ and his galician flute.[/url]
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| Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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OK, well I really want to write the first chapter of what already seems to be a promising SG, so, without further ado, The poll is up.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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So the poll is closed. I'm going to try to put out the real first chapter next week.
See you then
*runs off to write a good first chapter and download Danse Macabre to his iPod*
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| Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, wow, I missed the poll, I can't believe it. Although I probably would have voted for the Danse Macabre anyway.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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| Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:58 am Post subject: |
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| I missed the result! Which option won?
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| Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | *runs off to write a good first chapter and download Danse Macabre to his iPod* |
I believe Danse Macabre did. I downloaded it too, it's a good piece.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, I'm very excited to work on this next chapter.
I'm really trying to make this SG not just a story, but a peice of art. My goal is to combine pictures, words, and music in a way never before done in an SG, even to a greater extent than I have with Rhapsody in Blue (which is itself an experiment with text colors and sounds)
Anywhoo, be looking for things in this SG such as symbolism and juxtaposition, maybe even a few recurring motifs.
I'm excited!
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 1
Based on Saint-Sans' Danse Macabre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csJJIp7jCYA
New Year’s Eve, 1919
The dancers arrived.
They looked about the clearing, found friends to laugh with, sought enemies to cordially despise. They talked about their hopes for the next year, their regrets over the past year, and their joy in the present. They gazed at the magnificent, imposing oak in the center of the glade and complemented the hostess on the decorations, namely the lanterns.
 The lanterns floated in the breeze, suspended by thin wires from the mighty oak. They sought to beat against the night, to dispel, to destroy. The night did not care. The night never cared. Tonight it seemed gay and quick, light and refreshing. The night itself was preparing for a new year, for a new decade. Moths flocked about the lanterns in droves, clinging to the light. Birds settled in their nests, waiting for the sun to spring forth upon the New Year, to begin the year’s first battle for life. The wind picked up a little and rustled the lanterns, as if to establish nature’s authority over such petty contrivances.
The dancers came in groups, in couples, alone. One could easily pick out who the richest among the revelers, who preened and fidgeted with their beautiful masks, from the poorest, whom also preened, trying desperately to be noticed. Finally, at eight o’clock exactly, the band warmed up and the dancing began.
The colors! The sounds! The sights! The women’s dresses swirled about their legs, sometimes showing an ankle or even a calf, looking to God like so many moths floating about the clearing. The men blended into the night in their black suits, their stark white shirts and faces the only parts of their bodies visible. They flew, they glided, they mimicked the subtle dance performed by the real moths clustered about the tear-drop shaped lanterns.
Into the clearing strolled a tall man, resplendent in his own tuxedo, with his wife, who wore a midnight blue gown with black trim, grateful for the long sleeves and high neck of her dress, and even more hopeful that some dancing would warm her up further. With them was their son, a young man, uncomfortable in his tuxedo. His face flushed with excitement. Father had never let him go to a dance before! Dancing was not something for a future priest to be engaging in lightly. Before his arrival, the boy had been lectured on exactly how close he could hold a girl and for how long. He looked up into his mother’s eyes, which were hidden by her butterfly-shaped mask.
“Mama, what should I do now?”
The woman laughed lightly and pointed flippantly to a gaggle of giggling girls. “Ask one of them for a dance, dear. Who knows, you may sweep one of the little things off of her feet.”
The boy looked at the girls with a frightened expression.
His father looked at his son’s apprehension approvingly; then turned to his wife. “Would you like to dance, dearest?”
The wife looked longingly at a group of woman a few feet away, talking animatedly. “Would you mind me saying hello to my friends first?” The boy sighed. Grown-up stuff. He walked over to the group of girls his mother had pointed out, albeit slowly.
Hardly noticeable, a hard look came into the father’s eyes. “I asked you for a dance, my dear. You can talk afterwards.” He sounded stiffly formal.
The woman bowed her butterfly-face. “Of course, dearest. I would love to dance with you.”
They were suddenly off, joining in the confusion, the colors, the fun! They drifted under the limbs of the imposing tree for a moment of two, then swiftly glided away. They seemed set apart in the celebration. Not many people came to dance by them and chat over their partner’s shoulders. The man and his wife were singular. By virtue of her mask, they became a swirling butterfly in a host of dancing moths.
“I do not like you giving our son undue thoughts about sweeping girls off of their feet. What if he should actually try to? He will be a priest. He can’t afford to become involved with women like that.”
“There’s no rule against priests marrying, dear. They just can’t know each other.”
The man looked at her, ghosts of the past flickering over his face. “We tried that, remember? We found it impossible.” His face was heavy and dark.
His wife nodded, but then let out a gay, lilting laugh. “This is a dance. You should try to be less grave.”
The husband scowled. “You should try to be less flippant.”
They danced through the entire conversation, a swirl of black, white, and midnight blue that only God could see from above. Above their heads, a flock of moths floated about. A singular moth broke off from the group and flitted over to the couple’s son and swooped over his head, causing the girls near him to shriek and giggle with delight.
The girls would stare at the boy and suddenly gather up and start to whisper and giggle. This had occurred several times in the last few minutes and left the boy feeling very nervous. Finally, one of the girls broke out of the group (or was the pushed forward? The boy couldn’t be sure) and approached the boy. He swallowed. His throat felt dry, and no small wonder. All the moisture in his body was going to his palms, which were now quite slick and clammy. The boy stepped backwards.
The girl advanced.
The boy retreated.
The girl advanced again.
Cowed, the boy retreated once again.
The slowly made their way like this to the center of the clearing, dancing in a way, to the oak tree itself, which the boy suddenly found his back against. He looked to either side for an avenue of escape. He could find none.
Suddenly, he was saved by the voice of an angel.
“Well, aren’t you going to dance?”
He turned around to face the girl who had spoken. It was not the voice of the girl whom he had been fleeing from, but instead came from his left.
 He saw a dream. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. The girl was tall and slender, but not too skinny. She had beautiful mahogany hair, perched upon her head in an elegant bun. Her skin was fair, almost luminescent. Flowing in interesting contours about her body was her dress, a sea-foam green marvel that began to flare out at the bottom, but was suddenly taken back in, creating the shape of a large teardrop. The effect was dazzling. Her face was hidden behind a mask in the shape of a Luna Moth. Her legs and arms were a little long, but that was due to the perils of growth. Two breasts were barely forming, just starting to fill out her dress’ beautiful bust.
The boy was suddenly conscious of his too large hands, his rapidly growing feet, his too long hair, his too shabby suit. He stammered as he spoke, his stumbling words a stark contrast to her fluid, liquid voice. “I…I don’t like to dance…”
The girl looked at him with a strange look, made even stranger by her immobile mask. The boy felt the need to respond.
“What I meant to say was… I… don’t know how to dance.”
The girl stepped forwards. The boy did not retreat. He just stood with his back against the great tree. Before he knew what was happening, the angel had slipped her hand in his and gently guided his hand to her waist.
And they danced.
They joined the swirling mass about the tree, out-dancing everything but the moths by the lanterns. To the boy it seemed that even God smiled upon their dancing. He got closer and closer and closer to her. He could smell her clean hair; he could breathe her intoxicating presence. A moth quietly alighted on her shoulder. She did not flinch, she did not even seem to notice. They just stared at each other, his hazel eyes meeting twin pools of sea-foam green. The couple glided past the boy’s parents. The boy didn’t even notice.
The boy’s father did, however. His head snapped to the dancing couple violently. He looked back at his wife, who was also watching their son. She subtly smiled with the grace and charm of a rich woman, though she was anything but. “How sweet. Our little boy may find the pleasures of a woman yet.”
The father slapped her with his words. “Don’t speak of such things, you strumpet. Our boy is to be a priest as my father was. He will never know a woman.” With that hit the man tore away from his wife and went after his son.
The dance swirled about the family and their problems. The birds were fast asleep in their nests and the night flitted joyfully through the oak’s branches. The hostess laughed and the musician played a wild, fast waltz. The couple pirouetted across the cool ground as everyone waited for a new year to dawn.
The host looked at his watch. It was eleven o’clock.
The man found his son. He reached, he grabbed, he separated, he ripped. The boy heard his bond with the moth-girl being torn asunder, and realized with horror that it was a piece of her delicate gown. “I… I’m sorry,” he shouted, though whether it was directed towards the girl, his father, or God none could tell.
“It’s okay,” the angel beamed. She pointed to the fragment of cloth in his hand. “Keep it to remember me by.”
The father, disgusted started to pull his son away from the girl, away from the boughs of the oak tree, away from the tear-drop lantern, away from the moths.
The boy shouted over his shoulder. “I’m Jonathan!”
The girl smiled and called back. “Rosaline!”
Suddenly, she was gone and the boy was being pulled and shoved and jostled and beaten on all sides by the swirling mob. He started to cry silently without knowing quite why. The night suddenly seemed deep and dark and oppressively somber. God stared down from Heaven, accusingly.
Then the boy was back by his mother, who was hesitantly gathering her coat to leave. When she saw him, she spread out her arm, her coat hanging down and giving her blue wings. The boy ran and embraced his butterfly-mother, crying. He pressed his head against her soft, welcoming bosom and found no relief in her cushioned body.
The family walked home as the dancer started to sing Auld Lang Syne.
For the boy, the New Year had begun with tears.
DP
What music will the next chapter be based upon? Please nominate a peice that is classical/classical sounding. Anything instrumental will work, or if a work has words but is just extraordinary, feel free to nominate that peice. Please post a link to a video of your desired song with your nomination.
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Last edited by Alegria on Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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FIRST POST!!!! WOOOO!!!
What do you mean it doesn't count for me???
Ok, fine. first post on the chapter has yet to be claimed...
Anyways, if you'd like to do an in-depth critique of this SG (which would be much appreciated), please follow this link:
http://www.cityofif.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=130235#130235
Thank you.
Now get to posting!!!
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A writer doesn't solve problems. He allows them to emerge.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | One could easily pick out who the richest among the revelers, who preened and fidgeted with their beautiful masks, from those who the poorest, whom also preened and tried desperately to be noticed. |
That sentence needs some slight fixing.
I'm not sure I understand that significance of the Butterfly/moth symbolism yet, but I'm sure it'll find a way to explain itself. The narrative pace, btw, was excellent, and timed to perfection. I finished reading almost on time with the song finishing. The short, brief sentences intermingled with the longer sentences create a waltzy ambience similar to the one in the song.
| Quote: | | God stared down from Heaven, accusingly. |
I found these kind of statements too pervasive throughout the chapter. I don't like the simple anthropomorphic gestures of this omiscient, ever watchful God. He seems more like a judgmental Big Brother more than anything, watching in pleasure or displeasure at the actions of his little pets. I think you can avoid or improve this aspect of the story.
Also, this is my nomination for the song: Paco de Lucia's Entre Dos Aguas.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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Nice!!
Lessee- a song?
How about You- by Evanescence ?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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D, please repost that link, it's to a removed video.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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Are you sure? It works fine for me. But here is an alternate link anyway. If you can use the first one I advise you do, since it has better sound quality.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 6:37 am Post subject: |
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Wow. It really works, doesn't it! I felt as though I was skipping through the words, reading in time with the music. The music picked out the subtle stresses coming from the parents and the boy's own inhibitions. The vision of the moths and the background of dancing for me gave an enhanced depth to the overall mood of the scene. As D pointed out, you paced it very well with each section of the piece, although I think I finished a little ahead of it all, probably because the music was urging me to speed-read. But you really wove your words and the music together to achieve a briliant effect IMO.
Excellent! 
I shall read it again without the music and see what difference it makes, but I know what kind of piece I want for the DP next. La Mer - Jeux de vagues, by Debussy
(edit to add:) If you have trouble with that one try this version - http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=a2udZdSWXyE
(edit again:) Just tried D's first link and it worked fine for me too. Maybe it was just a temporary blip?
Just checked out Phanto's suggestion too. I don't think we could get 3 more different options if we tried!
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you all. I would like to nominate one of my own, actually.
I nominate Jupiter, Bringer of Jollity by Gustav Holst (as performed by the Osaka Orchestra)
By the way, I'd like to use some of the things said here for advertising purposes, if you all don't mind.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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Haha, I wondered when that one would come up, especially when you mentioned Holst earlier.
And now I'm in a dilemma about what to vote for after hearing all 4 of them. 
Do I vote for the tune I like best or for the mood I think the follow-on chapter should take?
Decisions decisions.... 
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Do I vote for the tune I like best or for the mood I think the follow-on chapter should take? |
Well the second one's the general idea.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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So, the poll is now up! Come and vote, my friends!
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Bookwizard
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| Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:09 am Post subject: |
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Wow, I only meant to read a bit of this but it really sucked me in, very well done, bravo and great idea. As for the song for the next chapter, as much as I like Jupiter (Uranus, The Magician being my favorite but all of them being just plain great) I think that La Mer will fit the mood flow of the story much better. Well looking forward to the next chapter.
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| Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:53 am Post subject: |
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Cool Idea.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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*blasts air horn*
Polls are closed. The winner is:
Jupiter, the Bringer of Jollity
Be looking for the next chapter soon (as soon as I have some time)[/url]
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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Hey guys, I'm really sorry the new chapter isn't up now, RL has been attacking in the form of college scholarships, mild depression, and theatre. 
THEY NEVER END!!!!
Luckily, I am going to be in Austin doing nothing for a few days, so expect the new chapter out by the end of the week.
About time, huh?
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Alegria wrote: |
About time, huh? |
About time!
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| Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 4:19 am Post subject: |
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| I love this story! How he blames God, hopefully he'll understand the way things are meant to be. Wow dancing, please please continue with it. I know someone who really likes what you wrote and she'll be there next week to answer and critique.
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