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 Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:35 am Post subject: |
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I agree with everything CF said (f5). I am impressed to see such a drastic improvement but would like to see that patient effort expressed throughout. She pretty much nailed what I would say there.
As for the DP, I say we drive the vehicle off into a river, grab some straws from that recent McDonalds visit where they gave us too many and we stuffed 'em into the jockybox. Swim (upstream) to a grassy spot near shore and hide out underwater until we can make an easy getaway with the loot.
(Then we need to try to figure out who it was that was attempting to undermine our efforts!)
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
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| Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks!!!
Thunderbird's idea sounds great! Sorry for a late response, I had visited a village and was completely cut off from the net.
I was thinking on the lines of hiding out at the graveyard. Or perhaps at the Broadwalk station, which is after all a turn away from the bank.
We still have a good head start, so i think TBird's idea would be the best thing to do.
Any ideas, crunchy?!
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| Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:47 am Post subject: |
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I think if its hiding out we need to do, we need to think fast. The station will be crowded, and its the perfect place to split up, one of them carrying all the loot. Whichever person that is would be responsible for hiding it - then they can rendezvous later and recover it.
I'd avoid the graveyard at all costs - after Mark's reaction in an earlier chapter, about his adversaries liking graveyards, then he'll not want to invite more trouble - Joanne already got captured once already.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:12 am Post subject: |
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I like the idea of the station as well, but i think it would be a better idea if they split the loot.
If we don't split up the money, and the person with the loot gets caught, all the money is lost and the other two would be on their own.
If we split up, it triples the chance of getting caught. In case one of them gets caught, the other two will have some money at least. If all of them get caught, then at least they will be together.
Still, proving us guilty would be hard, as the police only caught a glimpse, but i don't think we'll go easy.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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Y'know... I don't know how others feel about this, but... I prefer it if the author remains somewhat impartial regarding the suggestions except to give some thoughts needed for appropriate consideration... added details as it were. I suppose I've been guilty of allowing my opinions to enter into the discussion, but I do try to maintain a neutrality where suggestions are concerned. Just bringing this up for some discussion as I'm not sure what other IFians think about this subject.
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| Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:44 am Post subject: |
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Does that comment have to do anything with my comments?!
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| Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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Well, yeah, but I don't mean to be negative about it so much as just bringing up the question of how others perceive such unbiased commentary from the author.
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| Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:02 am Post subject: |
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It's a thin line I think between stimulating discussion and showing bias. I don't think there's anything wrong in an author expressing his or her own opinion. After all, this is a Storygame where the ending is still pretty much an unknown to the author as well.
But it is the players that have the ultimate say if their votes outnumber the author. And - as an author - if the suggestions and subsequently the poll outcome is something you didn't expect or don't think will work, then look upon it as a challenge. It may lead to some unexpected twists and turns that you'd never have dreamed writing about. That's the beauty of Storygaming.
On the subject of the DP -
| Vishal wrote: | If we don't split up the money, and the person with the loot gets caught, all the money is lost and the other two would be on their own.
If we split up, it triples the chance of getting caught. In case one of them gets caught, the other two will have some money at least. If all of them get caught, then at least they will be together. |
If we split up, there's less chance of them all getting caught at once. If the money is with one of them, then there's only a 1 in 3 chance of the pursuers getting the one with the money. And if that person is quick enough at hiding it before being caught, then the money is even less likely to be recovered, at least in the short term.
Splitting up unexpectedly and disappearing into the crowds will initially confuse their pursuers. This will give them a little bit of time to get ahead. That's my reasoning, anyway.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 3:16 am Post subject: |
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That was exactly what i was thinking, crunchy. But i would have never been able to put it in words like you did!
DP wise,
I hadn't thought of hiding the money. We could either stay in the station, or take a train out of the city which i feel is obvious thing to do.
Also, the station seems too close to where we are at the moment. If we take the turn and then the police don't find us, they would guess where we were. (I keep repeating that they only have got a glimpse of Joe).
They would have something to go about, whereas if we go somewhere to a river, it could be quite hard.
But there is also the problem of surviving the chase, we may be able to get away from the cars currently behind us, but re-enforcements are always a problem
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| Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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And also, we have a black BMW for a get-away vehicle, and since it is quite dark, it may be hard to find the vehicle, even with the lights on, if we hide it in a really good place.
How about we ride to the river, and as we approach throw the doors open. We jump into the river and swim away, as the car sinks to the bottom?!
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| Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:05 am Post subject: |
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We have just two more days for a suggestion, and if we don't get any, we'll go into polling!!!
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| Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:37 am Post subject: |
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POLLS ARE UP!!!
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| Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:42 am Post subject: |
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We have about two days left for the end of the poll, and we still are at a three-way tie....!
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| Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 7:50 am Post subject: |
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Okay, the authors vote has been recorded!
I personally like voting on my own SG, since i believe its for the readers to play, but i found no other option than breaking the tie myself.
For the voters of the options who lost out, I hope you understand. The poll will run only for a few more hours, so I found no other way out. 
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 8:04 pm Post subject: |
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Poll closed!
Thank you for voting, everyone. Its holiday season in India, so i'll have a little time to write the chap. Got lot of visiting to do.
Anyway, i guess the chap should be out by 10th or something.
Thank You!!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:16 am Post subject: |
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Enjoy the holiday!
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:56 am Post subject: |
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“TAKE A LEFT, J” Mark screamed.
“What the hell do you think I’m doing? And I would appreciate if you could stop yelling at me”
Joe watched all this in with a scowl on his face. He always hated fighting when there was a job at hand, especially when you were on the same side. He breathed out and peeked out of the window. The police were still quite a distance away, but they had to be really quick in getting out of their vehicle and taking the train out of the city. He suddenly felt a bullet whiz past his ear, which made him jump back into the car instinctively.
“You idiot” Mark said, glaring at Joe as he bent over to pick up the money that Joe had knocked over in a act to protect himself. Hurriedly, Joe took handful of notes and stuffed them into the bag.
“We need more time, J. Circle around these streets once” Joe said. Joanne took a glance at the rear-view mirror, and sighed. Apart from the money, she could also see the police snaking their way through the traffic.
“I will, and why don’t one of you take out your side-arm and fire?”
Wearing a head-gear this time, Joe peeked out and fired at the cop cars. He hit the tire of one of the cars, and missed another one’s tire by the time he felt a bullet slam into his head gear.
Where did that come from?
Joe pulled his head back and watched Mark pick up the last wad of notes and stuff it into the bag. Joanne had completed half a circle and surprisingly, the police hadn’t thought of blasting their tires off. Joe peeked out once again, and realized that there were only three cars behind them. There were initially six, he had incapacitated one, so there must be at least 5 right? He got back into the car and started talking with Mark.
“WHAT THE F-“ Joanne screamed. The rest of her words were swallowed by the sound of a bullet hitting glass. Joe could see that the other cars were ahead of them. The police somehow realized that they were going in a circle, and had separated so that they could double the chances of catching the robbers. Joe took out his side arm and fired through the windshield, watching his bullets barely making a crack on the windshield of the cars. This would slow the cars down, but there was no way he was going to get his bullets through the windshield of a police car. He aimed lower at the tires and fired, with one ear listening to Mark shooting the cars behind him. Or was it Mark? Turning around to look at his partner was the biggest mistake he had made in his life. With sudden excruciating pain, he felt a bullet pierce through his shoulder. He screamed and ducked behind the seat of the car, watching helplessly as blood gushed out through his open wound.
* * *
Joanne could here Joe scream, and suddenly felt empty inside. But there was a more important task at hand. There was a police car ahead of her and one behind; both were probably trying to crush her between them before she made that left turn. They were really close now, and Mark didn’t seem to have any success, so she shut her eyes and twisted the steering wheel to the left, waiting for the ear-splitting crash that never came.
Mark jumped back into the car. Seconds ago, he had watched Joanne make the freakiest escape ever. The turn was timed perfectly, and most probably wasn’t done on purpose. They had turned at the last millisecond, and accelerated off towards the station. The police cars tried to follow them, but they ended up crashing into each other, completely blocking the turn that the robbers took, which meant that the other cops had to make another circle to get to the railway station.
Tearing a large piece of the cleanser-towel he found in the car, he wrapped it around Joe’s bleeding arm. That would keep him alive, but he had to find a way of smuggling Joe and the money into the train.
He clambered out of the car, and watched Joanne do the same. He lifted the sack of money, and helped Joe out of the car. Joe still had the shocked expression on his face. Mark had read somewhere that people don’t feel pain when they are in shock, which was probably good for them.
“I’ll take all the money. Joanne, you stay with Joe and help him into the train. We take the first train out of the city and then we meet up elsewhere.” Mark said. Both Joanne and Joe only managed to nod. Before turning away, Mark winked at Joanne, and jerked his head toward Joe. He smiled as he watched Joanne go pink again.
* * *
Derek Jefferson, PI, was waiting for this hour to come. In the morning, he had had a visitor, about 6 ft tall, and he had presented a case. Derek had seen that it was a lie immediately. He had also seen that his visitor was planning to do something evil later in the day. He lit his pipe and looked around his Victorian-style house. It was filled with old antiques and book-shelves. Presently, Derek was looking for the telephone directory. He lived in an independent house, painted blue and red from the outside. The inside had idols of mythical creatures from China, Japan and India.
“Ah, here it is.” Derek pulled out the telephone directory, wedged between copies of The Midsummer’s Night Dream and Hamlet. He looked under R and found the name he was looking for. “Robert Fitch” he muttered under his breath.
* * *
Robert was going through hell. Since he began his career, certain people had told him that the security depended too much on electricity. He had always thought that his plan was fail-proof. His enthusiasm when he had joined the job had led to the formation of the wonderful ‘flawless’ plan. He now had to answer question from many people, his boss being one of them. Almost going mad with frustration, he called for all his security men. They would have to answer him first.
Robert’s room was more like an interrogation room than an office. It had one large table and a lot of chairs. The walls were blank and painted grey. His table had draws in which he stuffed all his folders. The solitary object on the table was a telephone. And it was ringing really loud. Robert answered, and grew more excited as he listened to Derek.
* * *
The Broadwalk railway station was, as usual, very busy. The platforms housed beggars, and also lots of stalls, where anyone could buy refreshments or newspapers or books to about anything under the sun. Many people were sitting on the trademark green chairs, which were made to signify a green world. People were jostling in and out of the trains, and 3 people who got on headed straight towards the restroom.
Joanne led Joe towards the restroom. The train was filled with all sorts of people and it did take a while to reach where they wanted to go.
“Stay in here, Joe. The ticket inspector is not going to knock on these doors. Making her way back to a seat, she wondered how Mark was faring.
Mark was probably the only person to bring a sack into the train, which gave him a lot of attention. He had tied the sack securely on the top, making sure that no-one could guess that he was carrying money. He chose an empty compartment, and then stuck the sack under his seat, in a dark secluded corner. Sighing, he took off his robe. He had bought himself a ticket, so had Joanne, but they had decided to smuggle Joe out of the city. They did not want anyone to see a shot man. It would raise hell a lot of panic, AND people would remember them, which was exactly what Mark didn’t want.
The train passed through a lot of cities, without any reason for alarm, until they reached Dvelport. The 3 of them decided that this was far enough, and made their way outside, smiling as they saw people crowd around television sets, watching the news of the Rockford bank robbery.
* * *
“It was not the people who you caught inside your bank.” Derek was saying.
“Derek, they are wearing black, they are masked and they carry side-arms. What more do you want?” Robert replied. He was more intent on closing this as an unsuccessful bank robbery attempt than recover the money.
“One of them was knocked out. The other was tied up. Some smart-asses robbed from the robbers” Derek said, smiling.
Robert knew what Derek said was true. He also knew that a certain amount of robbers had gotten away on a BMW, and he knew better than to argue with Derek. Derek would solve the case on his own and take all the credit. Robert would then probably be fired.
“All right, Fine. You have any ideas?” Robert said.
“We now know that they went somewhere towards the railway station. The most probable thing anyone would do is take a train out of the city. All trains in the evening leave for Carollaville, which incidentally is the easternmost city in our nation. So they are somewhere between here and C’ville.”
Robert sighed. He knew all this but was unable to make the connection. That was dumb of him. He muttered a few words and then hung up, proceeding to call his security guards for a session of interrogation.
* * *
Dvelport seemed to be a friendly city. Everyone they saw smiled at them. But what the three of them wanted was not smiles. They wanted more information about the captured ‘robbers.’ Mark went about and bought the evening paper.
_____________________________________________________
Now we are safe, and we have info about the robbers, in the form of a newspaper. What do we do now? Do we directly go looking for them first? If so, how do we do it?. Investigating them would mean going back to where we came from, which is very unsafe. What do we do now?
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Last edited by Vishal Muralidharan on Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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I thought Mark shot Joe but now I realize you didn't mean it that way. I must admit I was getting rather confused by some of the actions being explained. How to fix this? Slow down a bit and separate the thoughts into a bit more orderly fashion, explaining each step of the correography in detail and in sequence. Some of the points in there were great but much of it spun me around in circles trying to imagine.
Always keep in mind that when writing actions, your emotions and ideas seem to come faster as adrenaline actually flows through the author into the writing. This tends to make us a bit sloppier with descriptions. I can see it in my own work, but usually only the day after its written 
That said, it was a good shot at real action here and I don't think its too far from what you were aiming for.
DP:
Do we have any contacts that might have some sort of information access from the inside of the law enforcement agencies involved?
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:07 am Post subject: |
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Thank you for the crit, Tbird!!
I must admit that i didn't put much time into editing this chapter(not that i usually do  ), and I must thank the city for making me a much better writer than what i would have been.
DP :
The only contact we know, is Sergent Luke Thomas, one of Joe's childhood friends. This detail was supposed to be in the chapter, but my habit of non-editing let me down. 
We could use Joanne's persuasive methods to get him in, but I will leave it to you to decide what to do with him.
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| Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:26 am Post subject: |
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I think the first thing they need to do is hide the money and get Joe sorted out. They could either take him to a hospital - which would risk blowing their cover, or else, Mark could get Joanne to organise something a little more privately.
In the meantime, Mark should go and do his investigating alone.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:03 am Post subject: |
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Okay, another suggestion!!!
Thanks for that crunchy, I don't have any feedback to give to that suggestion, except that the DP was meant to be something like how they investigate. Luke is a possibility, but if the plan fails, it will put us in jeopardy. Its not completely safe.
**Tries to think up my own way out**
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| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:29 pm Post subject: I think..... |
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Well, wow, you two are twins. Both of you have a unparalleled nack for confuseing the heck out of me. Truly, well done.
But, on with the show!
#1 SLOW DOWN! Please, finish a thoguth befor moveing on to the next one.
#2 Specify. Half the time I can't tell who's talking, shooting, driveing, thinking, ect.
#3 I like the story, but I'd like it more if it was more storyish. Right now it feels like a jumble of semicoheirent ideas, and a damn good plot bogged down by fleeting thoughts.
As for what to do? Take a breather! After that whole mess, I'd take some time off and set up a headquarters. Let the heat cool off a bit befor poking around. True, you don't wanna let things sit too long, but it'd be like rushing back into a cloud of hornets after just running out! Maybe take the time to develope the characters a bit more.
How'd they meet? WHY'd they meet? Family? Criminal records? Y'know, that kind of stuff. Thnx for the good read Vishal-kun!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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| They should find more information about the robbers, make plans to capture them. Also the robbers should know what is coming their way. So both should be planning. It's time to plan a plan of action! Since I'm not a robber by nature, I think they should get blue prints and hand it to the police and the robbers, and show how the robbers get the way into the bank to rob the clerks. Try and frame the other robbers...
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| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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 confused?
I must admit that i like critiques! And my non-editing habit could get the story confusing....! I'll try to stay as clear as possible in the next chap!
How'd they meet and why'd they meet are left for suspense! if u mean how Mark and Joanne met..! And idk if you really meant good read or if that was sarcasm, i'd thank you anyhow for the critique!
DP wise,
Ok, 2 more suggestions! Framing the others seems like a good idea, but some-one needs to explain where all the money went.
Waiting till the heat cools off is another great one! Thanks for your suggestions!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 9:00 am Post subject: |
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I didn't detect any sarcasm in his response. It's funny, this is a good story, but at the same time, there's some very frustrating elements in its delivery. Still worth reading, but I think we're hoping for you to develop a bit more clarity in your work that will make the great ideas you have really blossom into a terrific read. That's what I think he meant there. Nice to not be the only one trying to point out ways this might be achieved though.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 4:04 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I didn't detect any sarcasm in his response. It's funny, this is a good story, but at the same time, there's some very frustrating elements in its delivery. Still worth reading, but I think we're hoping for you to develop a bit more clarity in your work that will make the great ideas you have really blossom into a terrific read. |
Sigh.... I guess i'll have to work more.....
I am going to get into the habit of editing now, and I hope I can make a a great read of all the ideas I have. This will be one long journey!!
Oh. And does anyone have anything else to say about the DP? I can conclude suggestion phase and give myself more time to write, and I hope that would help me. We can go directly into polling then.
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I don't seem to get any responses, so we'll all directly move into the polling phase!!!! POLLS ARE UP!!!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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Hey hey! I'm caught up again!
Ok, critique, then DP. The action is good for a pulpy story (you know, more action and close calls than seems realistic, but allowed for the purpose of thrills). I think this description was out of place:
| Quote: | | He smiled as he watched Joanne go pink again. |
The pink is the blood flushing her face, but she's just been in a high speed chase with the cops, complete with blood, bullets, and crashing, and she's not safe yet. However, it seems only a little male attention can get her blood pumping. Her face should already be red as a stop light.
Joe getting injured is a big problem, especially since it's a gunshot wound which will arouse suspicion. Joe needs a good story about how he got shot, perhaps one about a mugger or the classic "I was cleaning my gun when it went off suddenly". If no one saw the actual faces of the robbers, he might be able to get away with it... more likely he's a lost cause and it's our best hope he doesn't talk when he's arrested.
I voted to get Joe some medical help, he certainly does need it, and we may as well tap our inside man, if we can trust him. Go with it! BUT, be ready to jet again as soon as we see any trouble. By the way, if the car we abandoned is registered to any of the robbers, we may need to consider leaving the country.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:53 am Post subject: |
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Finally, Lebby is back here!
Oops, that sentence was out of place!! The classic tale might not work here... he was shot at the back of his shoulder and it would be very awkward to clean a gun like that. The robbery is all over the news now, and it does seem like he's a lost cause, and our best hope is that he doesn't talk when he gets arrested.
Its too late to add your suggestion to the poll, but do stick around for the rest of the SG! 
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| Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 1:54 am Post subject: Sorry |
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Sorry, I wasn't being sarcastic. I really do enjoy the story! I just hope you'll give yourself not only more time to write, but more time to think BEFORE writing!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 4:26 am Post subject: |
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s'okay!
I guess we have a tie here, and I have begged at the BREAK IT thread and I'm hoping that some-one will read that and break this tie before i decide to break it myself! You people could also try to spread the word and get the tie broken.
That's all for now!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, the tie has been broken!
Its been just about 4 days since the poll began, so I don't know if you would close it so soon. Anyway, have fun writing your next chapter!
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| Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:11 am Post subject: |
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Poll closed, looks like we head to Sergent Luke Thomas now!!!!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:09 am Post subject: |
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Expect the next chapter by the end of the first week of December!!!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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Don't forget to change the title of the thread now that you're not polling anymore. By the way, is it really closed? You might need to click the "Close Poll" button at the bottom of the thread, or you'll keep getting votes.
Anyway, looking forward to your next chapter Vishal!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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oops, done!!
I did click last time as well, guess something went wrong with my connection.. 
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| Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:49 am Post subject: |
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| Okay, looking forward to what happens next!
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:16 am Post subject: |
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CHAPTER 6- A fourth Member.
Robert’s interrogation-room like office always turned out to be very useful while trying to make his juniors spill the beans. What had just happened to Robert was the worst thing in his life. His bank had been robbed, and the plain-clothes security guards seemed to have vanished into thin air. There must have been little or no resistance to the robbery. Till now, Robert used the fact that one of them was knocked out cold, and the other was tied up, and called that his ‘resistance’. Their gang ran out with the money was what he kept saying to the bank owner, the higher detectives, and the media.
“Everyone’s here? Good. We can begin now…” Robert was saying, his back towards the security guards. There was a slight quiver in his voice, along with a trace of furiousness
He turned around suddenly, his eyes almost like the devil’s, and almost yelled.
“Where on earth WERE you people?”
Getting no response, he banged the grey table, making the telephone jump up, and then get displaced. Robert literally threw the phone back into place, and then started to glare at each security guard in the room.
Keith Johnson, Head-of-operations, and in charge of the investigation, was the only person to hold his boss’ gaze. After a few seconds, he spoke.
“Sir, it was pitch dark. We didn’t have any NV goggles, which you should have provided us with.”
“Are you tying to put the blame on me?” Robert’s gaze grew more intense, but Keith did not flinch.
“I should believe it is already on you, sir. If I were you, I would be more bothered about recovering the money and putting the guilty in prison.”
Robert also realized that Keith was starting to intensify his gaze. Keith was one person whom Robert could not do anything about. That meant Robert could not fire him, which is what would probably have happened if Robert had the power.
“Why didn’t your men fire?” Robert knew that that was a stupid question, but he was desperately trying to get the dirt on Keith.
“Because I didn’t want to kill customers” Keith said, almost disgusted at Robert. Turning around, he ordered his men to follow him out of the room, feeling that the investigation should be directed on the robbers, not on the security guards.
* * *
Mark did not know what Joanne intended to do, but he had faith in her. She had asked him to the investigating on his own and said that she would ‘take care’ of Joe. How she would manage to do so, Mark didn’t know, but he did know for sure that the bank authority was trying to put the dirt on his so called rival robbers. He also was expecting the captor to turn up somewhere, because he didn’t expect him to give up after just one shot.
He didn’t expect him to give up at all, actually but now, he was concentrating on getting through the public without being recognized, which would be very hard, since he didn’t have any disguises. He was wearing a thick black Raymond glass to cover his eyes, and did his hair so differently that the shape of his face appeared to have changed. He had also cut himself on the cheek, so as to give himself a scar down the cheek, and he hoped that would be enough.
He managed to get across 7 blocks without being recognized, and with each step, he was growing more confident of himself. Till now, he was walking quite aimlessly, but now he found something very useful. Towards his right, a few steps away from him, there was a large building, with glass doors and the letters R.A.C.S painted in bright gold and red. The letters were supposed to stand for Research-Analyze-Collect-Share, or something like that, but it was the perfect place to garner information about everything under the sun, and RACS always broke news before any news stations even got the information. The inside of the office was just like what he imagined it would be, a large carpeted pathway, from the entrance leading directly to the spiral staircase on the opposite end of the room. There was only thing to the right of the entrance was a wall, which marked the buildings boundary. To his left, there were rows of wide-screen apple computers, and people were working on them, sitting on stylish chairs, and a headphone on their ears.
All Mark had to do was to take a seat and wait. He was familiar with analyzing data and collecting it, but research and sharing was not his area. He took a empty seat and typed the words “Rockford bank robbery” in the text box of the highly complicated software. Then he waited. Was that what people called researching? After a few seconds, the page refreshed, with a few ‘relevant’ links to what he had just typed on the screen. Clicking on of them, he stared as the screen went blank and codes started typing themselves out.
* * *
The Casma Hospital was the most celebrated in the country, famous for excellent records in treating all sorts of minor and major injuries, bullet wounds being one of them. Joanne had successfully gotten Joe into the treatment chamber, as it was called. Their story was that Joanne had been cleaning her gun, when it suddenly went off and a bullet lodged itself into Joe’s shoulder.
How far the treatment had progressed she didn’t know. She also didn’t know where Mark was. Mark had just asked her to call Sergeant Luke Thomas, one of the officers who probably would take charge of the investigation of the robbery now. Luke was one of Joe’s childhood friends, and Joanne was especially good at getting people to do what she wanted them to do. Right now, her job was simple. Get Luke into the team.
* * *
Sergeant Luke Thomas hated his job. He was sick and tired of playing second fiddle to other officers like Keith. Luke was probably not the most honest man in the world, but he did deserve better than what he was getting. He had tried to get the spot of head-investigator of the bank robbery, but somehow Keith managed to get the post. Everyone expected him to get it, and not getting the post ended up as a huge shock to him. Getting up to fix a faulty tap, he grimaced. What can I do? His dad is the one giving away all posts, not mine. Luke knew that Keith was a able officer, capable of handling very hard cases, but Luke felt that he deserved it more. At least it wasn’t Robert Fitch. Keith was a much better leader than Robert was. In that case, everyone is. Luke let the thought slip and settled down for a cup of cappuccino.
Suddenly, he felt a vibration in his pocket. The mobile. Sighing, he got off his chair to take it out. An unrecognized number? Luke answered it anyway and listened to his caller. This could be one big turning point in his life.
* * *
Joanne hung up feeling quite unsatisfied. It turned out that Luke wasn’t the head of Investigation, but he did seem quite crazy. Joanne was sure that she could easily get him on board, but the problem was, she didn’t know what to do with him. She decided to wait for Mark, before making another call.
* * *
Mark had to wait for a few seconds till he got the perfect reply. When he did, he felt his heart pound against his chest, and he felt fear. The authorities had a rough idea of where he and his accomplices were, and they were looking for him. This was something he had to tell the others. They couldn’t just leave the country, not till Joe gets cured of his wound at least, but what they could do, and needed to do, was to hide. Mark may have gotten this far without being recognized, but it would only be a matter of time before he got caught. He started printing another page, which contained all confirmed information about the robbery itself. He pulled out the papers from the printer, checked if all the information was printed, and stuffed the sheets of paper into his backpack. He felt something move behind him, and he turned around, He had never felt so much fear before, it almost pricked his skin. A familiar scent suddenly entered his nostrils.
“Good day, Mark.”
It was the captor, and he didn’t look happy.
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| Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:32 am Post subject: |
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Nice chapter, Vishal! It's setting up the next conflict, which is sensibly the hardest one. That is, you can get the money, but can you keep it? I have to ask though, why is Mark worried about being recognized? Even if someone did see his face, it was dark and it would take a little more time for a sketch to be out, and as far as I know, he didn't have any photos or videos of him from the robbery, did he? Why wasn't he wearing a mask in the first place?
The captor is clearly right on top of us, so he's either been following us closely, or he's tracking us somehow. For the DP, we need to get away from him. Hopefully we're in public, where he can't try anything too violent without attracting attention, if we're not, try whatever it takes to get away, shoot him if necessary. If we can't get away, we can probably bargain with him. He doesn't know how much money we got away with, so we can even agree to give "everything" to him, but really only give him half. If we do get away, we need to find out how he found us, which I'm suspecting is some sort of tracking device on Joanne (he did have her at his mercy for a while). Then we need to move to another place to hide for a while.
As for Joanne and Luke, the only info we need from Luke is if the police have any leads on the case, and if they do, how to throw them off the trail. It doesn't seem like they have anything yet, so it doesn't look like we need Luke yet, but we probably ought to keep in contact, just in case.
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| Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:44 am Post subject: |
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Thank you Lebby!!! My answer to your question would probably be instinct. He's just robbed a bank and got away from a cop chase, so he wouldn't want to look like himself, even if he doesn't know if he anyone saw him. There is also a high possibility that the police took a good look at him during the chase, and the information might have been communicated to Dvelport. Therefore it would be dangerous to be seen by anyone remotely connected to the police.
I guess I don't have much to comment on your suggestion, except that the captor can blow our cover if he wants to. Otherwise, its a brilliant suggestion, like always!!
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