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D-Lotus
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 Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 4:45 pm Post subject: The Cane |
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Chapter I've Lost Count
" I think this time, Holmes, I have grasped some of your inspiration from your deducing hither and thither, and I will make a guess, and despite my urge to blurt it out, I will lay out my evidence in clear logical steps that will lead to the conclusion."
"Well, Whichston?"
"It was either you or the guy with a mop! I just know it!"
Holmes reflexioned.
"Interesting points you have there, Whichston. I liked the way you explained it. The part where you said 'I just know it', I understand that the true meaning you were trying to capture was: Sheerluck, you could be a proffesional criminal if you wanted to, you are perfect for the job, and on top, you could blame someone else and cover yourself by investigating the case, right? Well, Whichston, since it's not possibly me because the author can't afford for me to turn bad, it must be the guy with the mop...at least upon your conclusions. However, I have decided long before you made your intelligent discourse, that the answer to the solution is A, G, C, and D only...."
"Excuse me?" said I
"Err, didn't you vote on the poll, Whichston?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Holmes, remember, we are fictional characters..."
"Ah, yes, well, I mean: The old man who owned the parakeet,One of the sisters, The man with the name tag, and Adghhfusfjsh (or whatever his name was)."
"But Holmes, how can you be so sure?"
Suddenly, a boy who could have never gotten there in that exact minute, because it's too much of a coincidence, entered the house with a telegram.
"Telegram for you, mr. Sheerluck." he said as he handed the piece of paper over to my friend.
"Aha!" shouted Holmes "Here is why I am so sure." He gave me the paper.
Take the money from the secret hiding place near the parakeet man's house, where Sheerluck Holmes will probably find it ten minutes after he reads this note, which will be delivered to him by a boy who is actually not a boy.
"Hmmm, I still can't shake the feeling that that note reveals something." I said, as I handed him back the unchipherable note.
"It does Whichston, it doe- What do you want?"
Apparently, the boy, who was dressed in a mini-skirt, which I hadn't noticed until now, was asking for a tip. As I looked closer, I found that the sex of the child was as ambigous as the note itself. Holmes grumpily handed the he/she a penny before turning back to me.
"As I was saying-"
The 'thing' once again spoke.
"More money, bitch."
Holmes turned around.
"What was that you said child?"
"I said: More money, bitch."
"Why, you brat!"
"Fuck you, faggit, I want more money."
"You malcreant, you sexless beastly child, you, you-"
I covered my friends mouth as he almost uttered the worst word ever uttered in Great Britain. The 'word', the worst British bad word.
"You must never say that, Holmes." I warned.
I let go as he nodded.
"I am sorry, Whichston, I almost lost control and said...that...look, how much money do you want, child?"
"Five dollars..."
"I''m afraid I only have pounds, but I hope four of those will suffice. Here, now, before you go, answer me a question, are you male or female?"
"Holmes!" I said, surprised.
"What? I just want my money's worth..."
Suddenly, the 'thing' dropped it's miniskirt and showed us it's, it's...oh, excuse my manner, readers, but it is too horrible to describe. As me and Holmes gasped in horror at a crime greater than none ever commited before, the 'thing' picked the skirt up and ran away.
"God..." I whispered in terror.
"Yes," said Holmes "But on to the investigation...this note proves what I thought.
C'mon, Whichston, let's go to the clearing in the woods!"
"But, surely you won't cross the door where that 'thing' stood. It must be unholy."
"Let us use the window then."
He slowly opened the narrow window and the air washed in. Holmes jumped smartly through it and landed on the other side. I did the same....except for the part where my buttocks were caught and Holmes tried to pull me out for an hour before he succeeded. Hyuk, hyuk...I must say...hyuk, thinking back, hyuk, hyuk...it must have been a funny sight..hyuk, hyuk... As we neared the clearing, Holmes found what he was looking for. Behind the bushes, there was a huge bag of money.
"Aha! The money from Lady Leticia's jewels! This explains a lot. Why, my dear Whichston, what's wrong with you? Well, whatever it is, I hope people read this story and don't annoy it's author with spelling and grammar mistakes...."
It was a really huge bag of money, and I mean huge enough to hide away comfortably for life....and I had a heavy walking stick in my hand...
"Whichston, we have to return this money immediately...Whichston, are you alright?"
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
Last edited by D-Lotus on Sun Jul 10, 2005 11:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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kingcappie
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:57 am Post subject: |
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Whichston swings his heavy walking stick at Holmes, carefully batting away an annoying insect before it could land on Holmes' coat...
And still the wonder, who did it?
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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lol, nice king cappie.
Actually, I was hoping I could revive some feeling for Sheerluck before I wrote the final chapter, terminating the only storygame that doesn't have it's own forum and has been finished. I wonder if it will be put in the hall of fame......
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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Awww, don't make this the final chapter. You've been nominated for SGOTM.
Whichston raises his handy heavy walking stick, and dashes it against Holmes' head for good measure, then apologizes profusely as the hardness of Holmes' head prevents any injury.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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well, I could spread it out to a couple of more chapters.... 
D-Lotus
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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Only two suggestions? You guys are leting a great story go to waste....why is the pirates thing so popular, but this barely anyone cares? I must learn Randoms secret... 
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 6:42 am Post subject: |
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Hey D! Congrats on SGOTM!
I'll be hoping to get nominated again this month.
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A writer doesn't solve problems. He allows them to emerge.
-Friedrich Dürrenmatt
 
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 5:42 am Post subject: |
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oh, thanks....
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 11:38 am Post subject: |
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poll is up!
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Idea master
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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What if he tried to kill Holmes, but instead kills their suspect through a random freak accident.
Or how about that thing? The 'It'.
But if he does kill Holmes, he'll have to solve the crime in a much more dramatic fashion than Holmes would have.
And sorry for jumping in so late.
Great parody D. Freaking awesome.
I've read all the Sherlock one can in one lifetime (Which is a marvel if you knew how old I was when I did that feat) and I have to say that this is a great relief from the logical, predictable patterns that Sherlock was written in.
Although Sir Aurthur Conan Doyle is probably turning over with a loud groan in his grave right now...
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...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:24 am Post subject: |
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Thank you, that was beautiful, idea master....by the way, what´s up with the new emoticons?
   
so cool!
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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| Whichston has the freaking chance of his life! |
| So he swings his cane and bats a fly off of Holmes´hat. |
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83% |
[ 5 ] |
| So he kills Holmes and runs away with the mo-ney |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: D-Lotus, ethereal_fauna, Idea master, Key |
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