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Alegria
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 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:03 pm Post subject: SOujourener's journey, Chapter 6 |
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Sojourner’s Journey
Chapter VII
Atlantis Tour
Alyssa clenched and unclenched her jaw, what a decision! Finally she spoke, in a barely audible voice. “Yes, I will become a Rinosian.”
“I thought so,” said Ouran with a smile on his lips.
***
“The city is fifty stories high, and ten miles in diameter. The entire thing was built with magic and is completely buoyant. It is completely indoors, and the walls are seven yards thick. Every now and then, you’ll see three slits in the wall. Those hold magic turrets, cannons, and flame throwers. The entire defense grid is completely automated. There are five levels to the city, each one ten stories high. Above them is, of course the tower of eve. Oh, yes, the lawn around the city ends a mile from the city. Any questions?”
Alyssa was quiet that was; after all, that was a lot of information. Ouran sure knew a lot about his city. It was supposed to be the most beautiful city in the world.
They unboarded the mouskoff, and boarded another fabulous creature. Ouran sensed her hesitation to mount it and soothed her, “Don’t worry, Alyssa, it’s just a Gornak, it’s harmless.”
She mounted the Gornak and it began its trip to the city. After a time, the entourage came to a halt, and Ouran whispered. “Behold, the Golden Gates!”
Alyssa gasped to see gates, two stories high, made of gold. There were designs everywhere, the Rinosian Seal prominent, as she was to find out, as in everything Rinosian made. The gates opened slowly, unveiling the beauty within.
***
Alyssa sighed in her sumptuous rooms. She had seen so much in a day. She tried to remember it all.
There had been the Great Library, what had Ouran said about that? Oh yes, over 2 million books. She might spend quite some time there. On the top level there was the Observatory, the entire roof was like a telescope lens. On the fourth floor there was the Priest Tower, a circle that wrapped itself around the Tower of Eve, in the center of every level, there was the never-ending Tower of Eve. The entire Priest Tower was made of thick stained glass. On the third floor, there was the Military Compound, an enormous building, whose training facilities took up a good amount of space. On the second floor were the Houses of Senate; a huge domed building that was directly behind the tower.
And then there was the Palace, a part of the courtyard on the first level, where she now took residence. The rest was houses, more than the Rinosians needed. She had noticed that as they got to the outer parts of the city, the houses were in disrepair. Some streets were blocked off. Maybe…
Her revelries were interrupted by a knock at the door. She went to open it, and a voice whispered through. “Meet me at the observatory at midnight, I’ll be waiting.” And then he was gone. Whoever he was. The voice carried a sense of urgency.
Descision point.
How does Alyssa respond?
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Last edited by Alegria on Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Shogun
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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aNOTHER NICE CHAPTER!
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I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt and I'm
Wiggled like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to way, I'm just caught up all the battles
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Shogun!
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A writer doesn't solve problems. He allows them to emerge.
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Shogun
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| Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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CONGRATULATIONS ALGERIA!!!! I hope see more of the chpaters in your new place!  :biggrin:
_________________
I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt and I'm
Wiggled like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to way, I'm just caught up all the battles
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Hyperion
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| Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:16 am Post subject: |
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| I second Shogun's sentiments.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 6:20 am Post subject: |
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Gracias, Mi Amgos, now what to do with Alyssa's problems?
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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Hi
I've just read this story for the second time. It made more sense this time around, coz somehow I managed to jump straight from chapter 1 to chapter 4 on the first try! 
Anyway, congrats on the SGOTM thingie and I hope there's plenty more of this story to write.
As far as Alyssa is concerned... well, she's female isn't she? Curiosity alone should be enough to make her want to go to the meeting at midnight. Although it could be dangerous... maybe she should leave a note, telling someone where she went...
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Alegria
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| Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:13 am Post subject: |
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I can just imagine Ouran's reacton,
Nice!
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DukeReg
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| Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 1:58 am Post subject: |
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I agree with stoat: she would be curious and definitely would want to go, but would be worried enough about talking to mysterious strangers at midnight to take precautions. Leaving a note would be about all she could do without compromising the secrecy of the meeting before it happens.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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Any other suggestions?
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Suneila
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| Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 9:56 am Post subject: |
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Why does the meeting have to be secret? The whisperer didn't tell her not to tell anyone, or even to come alone. Granted, the fact that he whispered at her door, and didn't let him see her kinda gives the impression of secrecy, but there were no explicit instructions. If I were Alyssa, I'd tell someone. Of course, I'm too cautious and never have any adventures.
~sunny
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Suneila
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| Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 9:57 am Post subject: |
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ooh, another idea. She should take one of the guards to the observation tower with her. He could stand outside the door, then if something happened, he would be close enough to save her, but the meeting would still be secret.
~sunny
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Shady Stoat
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| Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:04 am Post subject: |
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| Suneila wrote: | Why does the meeting have to be secret? The whisperer didn't tell her not to tell anyone, or even to come alone. Granted, the fact that he whispered at her door, and didn't let him see her kinda gives the impression of secrecy, but there were no explicit instructions. If I were Alyssa, I'd tell someone. Of course, I'm too cautious and never have any adventures.
~sunny |
It's a possibility - but it's also a possibility that if she tells anyone before the meeting, they might talk her out of going altogether. If I were Alyssa, I'd leave it for people to find out after the event.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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Personally, is it cheap for me to offer a suggestion, oh well, I would try to find out more about the voice, it was short, but Alyssa seems intelligent, I'm sure she could figure out something. It's not too late, is it?
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:50 pm Post subject: |
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I don't like the idea of a secret meeting with a stranger, in a new place. Leaving a note is just not enough, especially if this person wishes me harm. Regardless of whether someone tries to talk me out of it or not, I do need to let someone- anyone that I should be able to trust- know what I intend to do. I won't be talked out of it, but having a trusted person close by to aid me if I call out for help would be prudent.
Also, by discussing this incident with others, I may find out more about who the owner of the voice might be, and what their intentions might be as well. Better to go prepared than be unpleasantly surprised.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:25 am Post subject: |
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Well I finally caught up with your chapters. I like how you began not with the main character, but with the people that she would meet. It sort of throws us into the world without all the in-between description. This whole whisperer thing is a bit odd. I would say, just to get the plot moving she should meet this secret messenger. Or she could take this as a threat, and mention the whole plot to Ouran. I am batting these two ideas around because I can't really see Alyssa's personality. Right now, she is overwhelmed and awed. And I think based on her mood right now, she would go see this person. But, I this all based on her emotions right now.
I also mentioned this in your first chapter topic, but I would say lock all the other chapter topics. It keeps the newcomers from posting in the older topics. I also suggested combining the older chapters. For Truthseeker, I combine every five chapters or so. Ethereal_fauna does the same for her storygame too. Just a few suggestions.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks a lot, I'm going to start voting now.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 5:39 am Post subject: |
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You know going to bed, does not seem a bad idea. Because if you work off that tangent, you can have awaking to something drastic happening in the morning. And then someone else within the palace could swear they heard the secret whisperer tell Alyssa to talk to him. And then the atmosphere around Alegria changes. It would be an interesting plot twist is what I am saying if this idea is voted best.
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| Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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| She's going to go, but I think she'll take a guard with her.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 6:10 am Post subject: |
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Polls are open for another 3 days!
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Alegria
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| Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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By the way guys, check out my first attempt at Roleplaying:
The Twins of Light
I need a couple people to be characters, voting will continue until November, so keep posting, keep disscussing, and keep voting!
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Oops! I voted for 'tell orangehead' but I meant to vote for 'go, but take a guard with her'. Sorry!
Good story, but a darker font color would be easier on the eyes!
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Alegria
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, sorry about the font color, I try to use different ones every chapter.
Oranghead?
*smacks him up the head with the book that the storygame is in.*
his name is Ouran.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Alegria wrote: |
Oranghead?
*smacks him up the head with the book that the storygame is in.*
his name is Ouran. |
LOL!  ouch!
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