 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:23 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
very nice!
I think he should see the magician on the ground, dead, with some gory stuff thrown in for good measure.....*throws rotten eyeball**
~holds breath~ 
*geddit?
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Jeepers. I will have to think on this some!
Good chapter, but Paladins, I mean. Got to hate them. 
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well, Forenius is less paladin and more like a Knight Templar.
He's got the whole religous devotion and vows of chastity and obedience thing too. Hence why he was so fired up to go riding off on a crusade.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Jack_D.Mented wrote: | Well, Forenius is less paladin and more like a Knight Templar.
He's got the whole religous devotion and vows of chastity and obedience thing too. Hence why he was so fired up to go riding off on a crusade. |
Arg! That's even worse!! 
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Found bob on china here 
C'ren man, got any ideas to what he might see?
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thought you'd think so.
That's kinda why he was freaked out by the thought of puttin it to the Lady.
It sounded so good, but it's soooo bad to break your vows. 
I think I would have... umm... faltered.... in my devotion much sooner and much worse than my hero.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 9:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
LOL~~
same here jack! 
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 9:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh my, great chapter... But I have no ideas what Forenius should happen upon... :hm: I'll leave it up to you guys to continue discussing it and then give my thoughts...
Great writing Jack!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 11:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I think he should see a coffin, in the centre of the room. The mage he seeks has succumbed to vampirism himself. Oh, he knows how to cure it now - but why should he? Now that he is a vampire, he realises how much superior they are to humans. Faster, stronger, able to change shape... why on earth would he want to change back?
So Forenius might have to defeat him to get him back on-side, to give the cure to his friend
Good chapter Jack - although I think the hordes gave their fealty a little too easily. Might have been more believable if 3 or 4 more leaders-in-waiting had challenged him to a duel, been royally reamed and then the rest had decided to live rather than challenge him 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lordy
Citizen
Joined: 18 Apr 2006
Topics: 0
Posts: 116
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 2:12 am Post subject: |
|
|
Yes, my thoughts echoed that of Shady's, so therefore damn - that was my line.
Plus I thought that although untrained, the barbarian leader would still be experienced, and probably fight dirty, making the pair fairly evenly matched in the end.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:27 am Post subject: |
|
|
How about some sort of Evil mirror image of himself, fornicating with some dead animal? Or something equally outrageous to his sensibilities?
I mean...
| Quote: | | What he saw there would stay with him for the rest of his days. |
Has to be fairly major. One more vampire isn't going to do it.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
| chinaren wrote: | | Quote: | | What he saw there would stay with him for the rest of his days. |
Has to be fairly major. One more vampire isn't going to do it. |
''
I f5 China, has to be something quite major :nod:
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
hewithoutaname
Citizen
Joined: 04 Feb 2006
Topics: 0
Posts: 139
Location: A dark cavern lit by torches crafted of bone.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 12:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Maybe he sees the wizard dismembered in gruesome ways, and the potion, remedy thing burning the body.
_________________
Battle not with monsters
lest ye become a monster
and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you.
-Friedrich Nietzsche-
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I like Lordy's idea :nod:
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:05 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Great ideas, guys.
I got the poll up for all of you now. Enjoy!
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Luris_of_Klarr
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| i voted he should see himself, evil. he's seen vampires. the mage altered or dead, too typical, although it would be a good scene.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Oooo I can't wait for the next chapter! hehehe.... Only a matter of time now that the polls done! ...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 11:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Suprisingly, i didnt vote for my own idea. I voted for vampire larson.....
OH CRAP! IM THE ONLY VOTE!
dammit......guess we're gonna see evil forenius now, eh?
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 7:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh well. Evil Forenius is all good, as long as the story continues.
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Chapter 14- Desecration
Looking ahead, Forenius saw standing there, in wicked spiked armor, crowned with a horned helm, a figure cloaked in the darkness of a cold void. The endless shadow engulfed the mighty warrior’s face from the eyes, the only signs of any expression were two shining green eyes that glowered menacingly from midway of the mass.
The air crackled with the sheer energy and might of the evil that surrounded the paladin and a chill radiated outwards, prodding the small hairs about the back of his neck into a standing position.
He didn’t know how exactly, but the devil was smiling, smiling at him in some horridly offending smug manner that radiated the confidence of one wholeheartedly sure of himself.
As nearly impossible as it was to draw his eyes from the towering wraith, the knight was eventually, with some great effort, to look upon the sawdust floor. Upon it lay the mage he sought, his torso cleaved into two clean halves, blood sprayed over the wall and seeping out from the prone corpse’s wound.
All the hero could hear was an awful roaring noise, a terrible wail that nearly deafened him. Later he would discover that it was his own scream, a war cry summoned from the depths of his bitter soul.
The sound and the fury nearly driving him mad, the unthinking crusader drew his great sword and struck at the foul man with a burst of pantherish speed, his movements nothing but a blur to the bystanders.
To his shock, an easy parry followed from the calm and collected foe, who now laughed jeeringly in his face only half a heartbeat before planting a mail covered knee in the protagonist’s groin.
Groaning, Forenius stumbled, his eyes bulging and veins protruding from his sweaty brow.
He was quickly planted on his back by a harsh blow from the enemy’s sword hilt.
Now he was lying upon his back, helpless like some giant steel clad tortoise that had just recently been upended. Fumbling, he reached for the hammer fastened to his belt.
Shaking his helmed head, the blackguard drew a similar weapon from his girdle and heaved at his helpless opponent’s grasping fingers.
Steel crunched and bones snapped and once again, Forenius howled.
Whimpering in rage and futility like a well trapped wolf, the cavalry man snarled at the steel clad menace, who even now advanced upon him, drawing his mercy dagger and preparing for the fatal thrust.
A spark set off in the nobleman’s eyes like a powder keg as this generated an idea that was more than likely his saving grace. On his own torso, he had his own gladius. As the heretic neared, the knight eased his hand down and freed the blade from its sheath.
When the infidel leaned down for that last taunt, Forenius rammed the dagger in between two ribs, piercing the evil man’s black heart and ending his wretched life.
As he tossed about as death’s embrace took him, the dastardly rival’s face jerked from the obscuring shade and into the clear daylight as it gasped for the last breath.
Seeing the assassin’s features shocked the virtuous swordsman to his core, drawing from him a gasp that rivaled the fading life’s.
Never once had the young man expected to see his own face etched deep with the throes of oblivion.
Like staring into a cursed mirror, Forenius was confronted with the reflection of his own madness as this blood spattered behemoth was none other than he.
“By the gods…” The soldier muttered, shell shocked as the body tumbled over and onto the floor sending up slight puffs of dirt and dust.
……………………….
He twisted and turned, fading into the underworld from the endless depths that stretched before the blood throne.
His eyes downcast, he approached the master. Kneeling in supplication, he waited to be acknowledged.
“You have done well for me this day, servant. Though you lost in the that battle against the crusader, you have planted deep in his skull the seeds of corruption,” The seated giant spoke, tapping steel jacketed fingers on the armrest.
“Yes, my master. I was born for dying and death, all for the added glory and luster to your great name,” The supplicant groveled.
“Of course, valued one, but your respite from the realm of men shall not be long lived, for I have a message for you to deliver, Trickster,” The lord spoke, a scroll shimmering into existence from the ether in his ashen hand.
“To whom, my liege?”
Smiling, the god of murder, plague, and pestilence said only three words in reply, “My mortal daughter.”
……………………….
Shoving the plate covered corpse to the side, the fighter resumed his mission to seek out the cure for the disease most foul that his confederate and friend Larson had been infected with.
He began by patting down the cold body of the spellcaster, finding only a note and a key. The key was an oddly shaped contraption that showed signs of a magical nature, perhaps used for a lock warded by complex spells and traps.
The note, scrawled on wrinkled parchment in shaky hand, read,
“… and then it came upon me. Adding the root extract from the velites cacti, I was able to synthesize a cure for the illness. It is unfortunate that my compatriot the priest had dropped from the project under the impression that any and all who used or took part in this wonderful experiment were ‘tampering with nature’s fabric’ and would become ‘cursed by the almighty as a result.’
I find such talk to be the words of fools, and thought such a logical man as he would not fall subject to those ramblings of wild eyed elders and shamanistic madmen. I wish he could have been present for the test, as I made a shocking discovery…
The cure is not truly a cure! The user retains all the positive effects of vampirism in that he still has heightened speed, senses, and strength, but is remedied of all the negative effects of such a disease. He is relieved of the weakness to sun, silver, and fire. If administered to one who has yet to fully succumb, it also prevents the bloodlust and inevitable madness that almost always follows.
Truly, such a thing cannot be a curse, but instead a blessing!”
Folding the note carefully, the knight stored it in a pouch upon his belt with his coins.
The adventurer then held the key up into the light of a nearby window and began to look at it, hoping perhaps for some clue. He’d been in deep thought for some time, considering not only the location of the elixir, but also the ramifications of its use and how the body in the corner could be his own when he was standing perfectly alive and well in his current location, when he was startled at the sight of a young villager, topped with a leather cap and wielding a curved kukri popping up in the doorway.
“Sire, we stand ready,” the youth reported suddenly, breaking both silence and thought, causing him to drop the key.
His eyes followed the precious object and he fumbled for it in a failed effort to catch it. It fell upon the ground and rested but a second, as to his surprise, it began to spin about in a small circle like a wagon’s wheel.
The traveler bent down to examine the phenomenon up close, when it began to slow, one end glowing like a pointer. Holding his breath in silent expectation, the noble watched as it aligned itself perfectly with a rather conspicuously plain segment of wall.
Picking up the glimmering article, he advanced toward the area to which it indicated, one hand on Cynyr’s hammer. As he neared, the panel began to flash and blink, revealing for but a few seconds an arch door. During one of the visible phases, he inserted the key into the waiting slot.
Slowly, the hatch swung open and he entered the wizard’s domain.
……………………….
Larson’s eyes burned as he opened them, the light nearly blinding him and forcing them right back to closed with a slight muttered curse and a grunt.
Valonia stirred across the room, awakening from the first sleep she’d allowed herself for days. She started and ran to her patient’s side, skirts swishing.
As he reopened his eyes, the half elf began to wonder if he was delirious and delusional or if the most beautiful woman he’d even seen in his life really was standing over him, petting him like a small child.
“Excuse the prior language, miss…” He spoke, his voice dry and gravelly and his throat begging for refreshment.
“V… Val… Valonia,” She responded, stuttering with excitement.
“Thank, you, Valonia, for taking such apparently good care of me, but I just have to ask two things.”
“What?” She asked dreamily, staring deep in his eyes.
Unsettled by this blatant show of infatuation, the bounty killer shuffled a bit and asked, “Are you real?”
Giggling, she replied, “Of, course, I am Forenius’s twin sister.”
Sobered with this thought, Larson gulped and immediately shoved the perverse thoughts he’d been entertaining for the past few seconds right back where they came from.
“What’s the second thing, Larson? Its Larson, right?” The dark eyed brunette pressed, leaning in to where the swashbuckler could pretty much taste her sweet scent.
Shoving back onto the divan a bit further, he asked, “Um.. Uh… You guys got any beer?”
……………………….
Jad-Bal-Rhun contemplated the next move of his little insurgency which had flourished and taken root in the troll ranks like some wild weed.
He could feel the time nearing in his bones and they would have to make their move soon, before the Unholy One created more of his rotten children. They would soon be outnumbered and overwhelmed by such forces and totally replaced.
This troll had become dedicated to insuring the survival of his people and there was no way in all the hells that he was going to let them become obsolete due to the impure influences of a single undead.
But the leaders and chiefs were blinded to such things by the golden trinkets and slaves given unto them by the sorceress. They had given him no option but to dispatch them, silently and swiftly.
There were few of his own that he could count upon for such actions, as most of them were but savages that knew little more than rape and pillage. This needed a silken glove and not an iron fist.
Such were the thoughts of the revolutionary as he sat upon a stump by himself, stroking his dandruff flaked goatee when he saw the rider coming on fast.
It was a man in dark armor, his face hidden by a black hood on a small fast mount that raced like the wind toward the encampment.
He was obviously a messenger of great importance. Jad wondered what he carried and who exactly it was that pulled the strings of the lady that led them, as she was no longer guided by the dragon.
It was a mystery worth solving and he saw potential to do so at this very second as he turned his head and looked at some of his chancrous rid brethren that hunched over a dead rat, tearing it to pieces.
Did he summon them and ambush this man or let him go in peace?
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
Last edited by Jack_D.Mented on Sat May 20, 2006 7:37 pm; edited 2 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Ok.
Hope the newest installation is up to standards and that you guys have some fun with the D-point!
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Zeitgeist
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 6:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Good story Jack.
As much as I like to see the bloodshed and senceless violence, this time I am gonna have to pull for the survival of the messenger. If I am correct in my assumption that he is sent to the lady from daddy, there must be something of interest to be heard there.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Shady Stoat
Elder
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Topics: 76
Posts: 2950
Location: England
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 10:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Based on Jad-Bal-Rhun's knowledge of the situation, yeah, he should ambush and attack the messenger. Let's see what he can do when he has some useful information in his meaty hands
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Luris_of_Klarr
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 7:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| WOW, that was a great chapter. And, as to what should happen, i think the messenger should live.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 9:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm not sure what he should do... I actually read this chapter right after it was posted, but I didn't reply because I was wasn't sure as to what plan of action he should take...
Luris, why do you think the messenger should live? :hm:
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Luris_of_Klarr
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 12:17 am Post subject: |
|
|
| well jess, most all messengers have some form of verbal message, which may or may not be written. And not everyone has to die for a story to be good, now if the messenger is beat to a bloody pulp, inches before death, thats cool.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
jess1561
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 12:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
| That's true. :nod: Most messengers do have a verbal message... And you're also right about ppl not having to die for a story to be good.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
hewithoutaname
Citizen
Joined: 04 Feb 2006
Topics: 0
Posts: 139
Location: A dark cavern lit by torches crafted of bone.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 10:20 am Post subject: |
|
|
Good one Jack. As for the messenger, I think he should be left alive...for now.
_________________
Battle not with monsters
lest ye become a monster
and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you.
-Friedrich Nietzsche-
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 7:45 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, my gentle readers.
We have before us a poll.
Let us vote...
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Zeitgeist
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 6:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I say let him live, not because of any strategy of the trolls. but because it would be much more interesting of a read to have the lady D. hear the message firsthand from a healthy messenger. And if I am correct the messenger is the same etinty as the evil Forenius, so a troll would have a problem killing him.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 12:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
i f5 zeitgeist.
Maybe in some point in the story(maybe the ending), you could make Larson and valonia marry or something...lol!
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 4:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Chapter 15- Discontent
Smiling as he rode by on his horse, the rider gained with what seemed a magical burst of speed, reducing both he and his mount to a blur. The wind from the passing ruffled Jad’s filthy locks and stirred up the cloud of insects that followed him constantly.
Even if Jad-Bal-Rhun had decided to try to attack the man, he would have accomplished nothing. It was almost as if the shadow clad one had read his thoughts…
………………………………..
Sitting at the forefront of his conscripts, Forenius raised his sword high and pointed in the direction of his estate.
“For’ard march!” Cried the centurions and the army took a giant step as one, surging in the direction indicated.
Feeling himself swell with pride, the paladin looked down upon his horde. He had done this and it was a beautiful thing to see. An army on the move.
An army just for him.
………………………………..
Larson had been chatting with Valonia for some time now, and he had to admit that she was quite a charming lady. He found himself hard pressed not to flatter nor flirt.
She, however, was dead set upon such a course and carried on as if she had every intention of courting the half elf.
By this time, he was running out of topics to change to and it was becoming a fierce battle with his primitive urges that demanded that he bed her at that very second.
Several times, he’d been forced to bite a knuckle and pray for strength.
Finally, he gave in just a little when she offered a small back rub.
Of course, he thought. Why not? It couldn’t hurt…
………………………………..
Arriving at his home, the holy warrior dismounted and hastily gave his army their orders for bedding down and fortifying the area under the command of his family’s guard.
He took off his helmet and held it by his side. Smiling in triumph, he thought it would be best to surprise both Larson and his sister with such good news.
Arriving at the chamber he knew them to be in, he set both helm and weapons on the table outside and silently eased the door open.
All he could see was his sister over the back of the couch that he approached from behind.
Rage began to color his vision as he noticed that she was obviously astride of someone’s form, grinding and pushing.
Then he heard Larson’s voice command, “Ohhh… oh yes… A bit harder. That’s the spot.”
Screaming, he kicked the sofa and it teetered over, falling with both bounty hunter and sister.
Valonia tumbled across the room, rolling until she hit her head on the fireplace.
Larson was pinned beneath the heavy piece of furniture for but a second, as he shouted, throwing the divan off himself and through a window as if it weighed nothing.
His eyes glowing a vibrant red and his mouth curled in a wicked snarl like an angered tiger, he faced Forenius, growling, displaying the feral nature that had come with his disease.
The paladin gave not an inch, staring deeply into the shining orbs. He extended his hand and Thunderer came flying to his summons from the other room, knocking a hole clean through the wall.
The tension built and both soldiers readied themselves for battle, drawing back, preparing to strike vicious blows.
Valonia’s shaking voice broke the air of chaos and soothed both of them for a second as she screamed.
“Stop! What are you doing?” She said, tears clouding her luminous eyes, as she walked to her brother, a small hand held upon her aching head.
“I come to save his soul and the only way in which he repays me is to deflower my sister? Is that some twisted part of elven hospitality, Larson?” He asked the bounty killer, spraying spittle.
Larson’s canines grew, turning into the fangs of a vampire as he shook with rage.
“Calm down, love,” The lady asked as she took the hunter’s hand in her own.
He visibly calmed and began to return to human as his gaze fell upon her.
Turning her flaring eyes upon Forenius, the noblewoman asked Forenius, “And what is wrong with you, brother? You think that I am so free with my favors as to grant them to any adventurer that you bring to our doorstep?”
“This one is gifted with the silken tongue,” The tight lipped crusader commented.
“It was but an innocent back rub! Look at him! He still wears his greaves, untampered with!”
Looking down, the knight noted that this was truth. He was ashamed and embarrassed.
“And even if I did decide as so to give my body to him, it would be my decision and mine alone!” She shouted, finishing the argument by seizing Larson’s face and kissing him before storming away.
Larson began to grin, but was interrupted by Forenius roughly ramming a fist into his chest.
“Don’t even think about it,” He spoke as he was fishing into his pouches.
Drawing out his vial, he said, “Here’s your cure. Drink it and be done with the negatives of this curse.”
Popping out the cork, Larson downed the whole tube in but one gulp and fell to the ground, shaking.
His body seared with pain as the antidote coursed through his veins, removing all outward hints of vampiric infection.
Forenius watched the seizure with a bit more pleasure than was healthy, but it was only a few seconds before his joy was shattered into a thousand pieces as a messenger approached from the outside.
“My lord, there comes an army from the city,” The filthy man reported as his eyes were slowly drawn to the twisting figure on the floor.
“Who is it?” The noble asked.
“Uhh… umm…” The servant asked, his gaze drawn by the spectacle of the alchemical exorcism.
Grabbing the man and shaking him, Forenius brought him back to this world as he shouted, “Speak, pawn, speak!”
“’Tis the king and his forces,” The shocked man replied.
“His Majesty died on crusade with me, you must be mistaken,” The lord protested.
“No, not that emperor, his son, the heir,” The sniveling messenger explained.
“That useless whelp? Gods help us,” Forenius said more to himself than anyone as he grabbed up his gear and prepared to greet the usurper.
Storming outside, the knight reluctantly rendered the appropriate honors to the sodomite, bowing his head low.
This man was a coward, not even man enough to follow his father, a pathetic minion to other men, and the worst of his line. He fancied himself an artist and a renaissance man.
What he was was nothing more than a fool, a man obsessed with the idea of his own divinity.
When they were alone in the council room, Forenius waited for the flamboyant one to speak, as was custom.
Wetting his painted lips, the thin lad finally came forth his words, “My cousin. You are the closet left in relation to me, but you are militant and filled with religious fervor. I mean, you are some sort of holy monk warrior, am I right?”
“Yes, your highness,” The paladin responded with downcast eyes.
“You have taken such terrible vows as chastity, poverty, and obedience. Now you are left alone with an estate to run that you can never own. Your sister’s name had to be put upon the deed, am I correct?”
“Yes, sire.”
“You should abandon your vows. At the very least be absolved by them by the church.”
“What?” Forenius spoke, interrupting the emperor and raising his eyes in an unspeakable break of custom.
Ignoring this, the dandy carried on, “You should also disband this army and discontinue this foolish crusade of yours against the Lady d’Grorathia.”
And then he stood, now showing the ruler no respect whatsoever.
“Settle down, fiery one. I have negotiated for peace and part of it was that you get rid of this appalling army that you have amassed and that you…”
Cutting in, Forenius was no longer able to contain himself. “What? That I should what?”
“That you join the Lady in marriage.”
“No.”
The refusal was final and traitorous, a complete breech of chivalric code and fealty on the behalf of the knight.
“What? You dare refuse me?” The weakling laughed in his face as he began to glow a bright red.
“You can’t do that. I’m the son of heaven and you must obey,” The king replied with a casual wave of his hand as if it would have some magical pacifying effect on the furious warrior.
“Really? And what if I think you have been forsaken? The gods and heavens have abandoned you?” Forenius spat.
“That is treason and you are already on thin ice, so watch your words for you are easily replaceable, cousin.”
Forenius didn’t even know he’d done it until he saw the shocked, puzzled look of pain on the crowned one’s face. Looking down, he noted the dagger imbedded in the man’s midsection and his blood weeping from the fresh wound.
Leaning forward, he whispered into the dying man’s ear, “No one can replace me.”
Sliding to the floor, he protested, “But… but… I’m the emperor.”
“No. You were the emperor. My war isn’t finished yet,” Forenius replied as he kicked the man over.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
Last edited by Jack_D.Mented on Sat May 27, 2006 9:38 pm; edited 3 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 4:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, guys. How was that for a twist?
D-Point.
What does Forenius do now to cover up that he just killed the king?
Does he just blame it on assassins, or what?
Gimme some ideas, people.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 4:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Nice ending lines there Jack!
Although...
| Quote: | | removing all hints of vampiric infection. |
Awww, come on! Not a vampire. I nearly stopped reading right there.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Zeitgeist
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 4:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
aye, another good chapter. Liked the killing rage that the good paladin found himself in. And china had a point in his quote, although not the one he intoned, however you are already mending that error. Liked the angry kiss that the good heiress graced larson with.
For an idea, might I reccomend, draining some blood from the sodomite emporer, and hiding that wound and placing a few bite holes in his neck. That is as good an concealment as any.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
LordoftheNight
Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Topics: 41
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
We already knew he was turning into a vampire - it happened two chapters ago remember? There is nothing wrong with vampires Chinaren - when will you get that into your orange head?
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| lordofthenight wrote: | | We already knew he was turning into a vampire - it happened two chapters ago remember? There is nothing wrong with vampires Chinaren - when will you get that into your orange head? |
Nothing against them per se. They are just severely overused and I tend to turn off when I see them, or read them as is the case here.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
