 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:51 pm Post subject: PHOENIX- Burn Eleven: Rain of Fire- FINAL CHAPTER!!! |
 |
|
Since many of my SG's seem to be dying, slow and painful deaths, I felt it was time to add a new title to my portfolio...Enjoy...
-----------------------
Phoenix
Burn One: Tinderbox
One more block. Just one more to go. He could see the lights of the 12th Precinct from the corner he stood on. Rain beat on his head, flattening his black hair to his head, soaking the shoulders of his leather bomber, dripping onto his leather boots. One more block.
He could have sprinted it in less than a minute, athlete that he was, could have been in there singing his heart out, playing pigeon. He could feel their eyes on his back, their burning stares, feel their hot breath scalding his neck. Yet the alley in his path had him frozen with indecision.
He knew they were there, waiting for him, could feel it instinctively, and Ian's instincts were rarely wrong...except when he ignored them like he'd been doing for the past several years. But he was getting out, come hell or high water; he was severing his connections and getting his brother to safety. The time had come.
Clenching his fists so tightly that thin rivulets of blood seeped from between his white knuckles, he screwed his eyes tightly shut. With a prayer to the Almighty that, no matter what happened to him, Lyr would be saved Ian opened his eyes...and bolted. Wet black hair scraped across his vision, blinding him, and he ruthlessly shoved it out of his eyes.
He blew between a couple busy kissing under an umbrella, ignoring their angry protests. He who hesitates is lost. His jeans were soaked as he planted his feet firmly in puddles, sending their contents rushing upwards to be absorbed by the cotton denim. The alleyway loomed wide, like the maw of some horrible beast. He who hesitates is lost. The heat of the gazes intensified...
And suddenly he was past, leaving only mildly startled bums huddled under trashcans in the alley shadows. A smile split Ian's grim visage. He made it! Yet his pace didn't slow as he took the Precinct’s steps three at a bound, slamming through the double doors at the top.
Beat cops in blue uniforms scattered in every direction and angry stares turned his way as they all wondered who the hell was that guy and what was he doing. Ian had never been happier to see cops in his life; he could have kissed each one of them. On trembling legs, worn by exertion, nerves, and relief, he approached the duty Sergeant.
Between gasping breaths, hands splayed on the counter for support, every inch shaking as a puddle of rainwater spread around him on the floor Ian said "I have a confession."
----------------------
Earlier that day...
----------------------
"Turn it up man!" Lyr grinned as he cranked the knob on the shop stereo all the way up. Iron Man played so loud that it seemed the walls were shaking with it. Stomping in time to the beat, Lyr made his way back to the Chevy Cheville he was working on, picked up a ratchet with a twirl and went back to work, singing as loudly as the rest of the crew.
They all laughed when Rob, one of the other mechanics, grabbed a large wrench off his tray and air guitar-ed it. They laughed even harder when it slipped from his greasy grip and landed squarely on his toe. "Hey Rob what do you call that dance? The one legged man?" More laughter circulated at Arnie's crack.
"No I call it the Damn Wrench." With that Rob grabbed the offending tool and strangled it for a moment before turning back to his project. "Hey Lyr!" Lyr turned in time to catch the wrench as Rob negligently tossed it to him. "Give us a drum solo kid!"
With a grin and a flourishing twirl of both ratchet and wrench, Lyr began to tap on the Cheville's engine and hood. He got into the music more and more, putting more and more enthusiasm into his blows until..."VARO!" The music abruptly stopped and Lyr dropped the tools with a guilty look at the quarter sized dent in the Cheville’s hood.
With an apologetic smile on his face Lyr walked back over to where his boss, Tim, stood to take the credit for the accident. "Hey Tim I'll..."
"You'll fix it later. Right now there are a couple of guy's outside that say they need to talk to you urgently about something." Lyr craned his neck to the side, looking over Tim's head and through the door to the front of the shop and out the shop windows. Instantly his whole body tensed into fight or flight mode.
There was only one reason Carmine Giottie and Vito Leone would be waiting for him. The whole shop had sensed his reaction and they all knew him well enough to know trouble when it hit. "Cover me." Now they were worried. In an attempt to lighten the mood Tim cracked a joke.
"Hey Lyr. Next time you mess around with an Italian girl use a condom." The whole shop burst out laughing and Lyr cracked a grin over his shoulder. But when he turned back around and faced the street he had the look of a man that would take matters into his own hands and the Devil be damned.
The two men leaning against the black Lexus were discussing the anatomy of a female friend when Lyr emerged from the darkness of the shop. Well connected these guys might be but they'd never really gain rank, Lyr could tell. They'd never get anywhere when a person could read their faces like a book. And right now those books were saying 'Oh shit, plan A ain't gonna work.'
"Are you Lyr? We're..."
"I know who you are slime-ball. I want to know why you're here." They jittered nervously.
"It's about your brother." Lyr was listening. He took a menacing step forward. He hadn't meant it to be menacing but when you're 6'6", 265 pounds, are in a bad mood, happen to be wearing a tight t-shirt that says 'I can bench-press you', and that shirt happens not to be lying, then anything you do seems menacing.
"What about Ian." The pair exchanged a glance that said 'Who's telling him' before Carmine spoke up.
"Well I hate to give you bad news but...he's been shot." Lyr's legs turned to Jell-O but nothing showed on the surface. There were three possibilities: one, he'd been shot on accident; two, he'd been shot by rivals; three, he'd been shot on purpose. All of them were bad but that last one scared the shit out of him.
They wouldn't kill his brother; Ian was too valuable to them. If they killed him they had very slim chances of finding a man with his particular 'talents'...unless. A thought struck him that chilled him to the core. Unless they'd figured out that Lyr could do it too. Then they might have just gotten rid of Ian when he'd become difficult.
Or they were just telling Lyr this to get a hold of him and use him to make Ian do something he really didn't want to do. Using Lyr's safety as leverage. If they did that his brother would cave. Ian would fold like a deck of cards and go to any imaginable length to keep Lyr safe.
All these years of getting stronger had done nothing to allay his elder brother's fears that, one day, Lyr would be taken down. Done nothing to convince Ian that Lyr wasn't a kid and didn't need to be protected. But Lyr was smart, tough, and strongly motivated by self-preservation. He had no intention of being taken like a little lamb...lion maybe. "What hospital?"
The thugs looked at him. "We can take you."
"WHAT HOSPITAL!" They pressed back against the Lexus.
"Angel of Mercy." Lyr gave a curt nod and turned back into the shop. The two got into the car and sped off. Inside the shop the guys all tried to look like they'd been busy minding their own business, not like they'd been eavesdropping like they had. Tim tossed him his coat and he fished his keys out of his pocket.
"Good luck kid. Ian's tough, he'll pull through." Lyr turned and nodded. "If there's anything you need..." Lyr looked his boss straight in the eye so there could be no mistaking his words.
"Yeah boss. If I'm not here tomorrow and I don't call to let you know how Ian's doing...call the cops." Leaving the crew stunned Lyr rushed down the block to the parking garage where his Cuda six pack sat waiting. He opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. A cold, hard, point of steel pressed up against the back of his head and the unmistakable click of the hammer going back could be heard.
"Drive kid. Don't ask questions just drive." Lyr glanced into the rearview mirror and smiled at the eyes behind the ski mask.
"If you're going to point that thing at me then you better kill me. I'm not going to be used as a bargaining chip." The ski mask seemed to smile.
"I didn't think so." Almost before Lyr could react the cloth was pressed to his face. The sickly sweet smell of chloroform washed over his senses and the world spun into blackness.
--------------
Later that evening...
---------------
Ian was comfortable in the interrogation room waiting for Detective Romotto to return. When his cell phone went off he felt it was time for a little well deserved bragging. He'd made it, and they were gonna burn. He'd see to it.
"What's up bitch?" The voice on the other end chuckled.
"Now, now, my fiery friend, is that any way to talk to me?"
"I'll talk any way I damn well please. After all I've been talking to the cops for the past two hours." Again the chuckle.
"Have you. Well then I guess I should invite you to the little party I'm having. We'll celebrate your victory together. You're brother's all ready here." Ian's heart skipped one beat, then two, then six. They had Lyr. His mouth went dry. "Hello? Ian? Are you still there?"
"Y..yeah..." He swallowed hard several times, trying to get the warble out of his speech as he gripped the phone tightly. His voice hadn't cracked so much since puberty. Another god damned chuckle in his ear.
"Good. I've got a car waiting for you outside. If you get in now everyone should go home happy. Or we can play rough. I'm sure your little brother will understand...or is he your big brother? I'm not sure which one of you is the more mature. You claim to be older but he seems to be more of a man." There was a long silence as he walked out to where the car waited.
The door popped open for him and the voice on the phone asked the question "Well?" He swallowed hard. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't.
-----------------
What is he going to do?
-----------------------
Hope you like it.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Tue Jun 26, 2007 3:54 pm; edited 19 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8893
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Another Rai tale!  Less typos than usual too, though still some you need to fix.
I would say first, how does he know they aren't bluffing? Ask to speak to his brother.
Second, once he has established they aren't bluffing ask for an exchange. They have the two of them, they may also kill* the two of them. At least this way his brother gets away.
*Well, maybe not kill. I don't know what special ability they have, and how useful they are, but please tell me they are not werewolves or vampires.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
LordoftheNight
Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Topics: 41
Posts: 5279
Location: Hell
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well, from the title, I would assume he was either a Phoenix in mortal form, someone with the powers of phoenix, or just a fire-starter.
First ascertain that they actually have Lyr - ask to talk to him, something like that. Then offer to make the trade, but only if they can prove it.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
chiacutie
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:58 am Post subject: |
|
|
I F5 lordy. If you don't have it worked out what he is (I don't know, maybe oyu do maybe you don't... Im not a mind reader (or am I...DUN-dunnnn-DUUUUNNNN!!!!)) then Id go with the powers of a pheonix thing that would be cool...
So, like lordy and chin said, ask to talk to his brother. Then... I don't know, a trade sounds good to me, but maybe someone else can ocme up with something really creative (no offense lordy, its a very good idea, but I mean like...like shady, with her random spurts of genius)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ninja baloon
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 5:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Maybe he's just a mortal that can't die until his job is done. Chosen by some higher being. Everytime he dies he is brought back to life. Of course he would try an avoid death as I would assume it to be unpleasant.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
I F5 people in that he shopuld ask to talk first, then let the police put a small, unnoticable tracker on him secretly.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 9:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
First off, to answer China's question, this story does not involve werewolves or vampyres. I've already got those stories going. To answer the whole, what makes Ian special, he's a firestarter, as Lordy guessed.
However the title is going to be throwing you in a loop for a while since the Phoenix has nothing to do with the tale at this point in time, other than being a really cool tattoo on Lyr's chest. If all goes well it will show up later...
Thanks guys and keep the ideas coming. The poll would be a little one sided at this point so I'm going to leave it here for another couple days for more people to come see and chew on.
Enjoy. 
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
chiacutie
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
No. Lyr's special power is that he can turn into a chicken.
Just an idea.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:19 am Post subject: Re: PHOENIX- Burn One: Tinderbox |
|
|
[quote="Kalanna Rai]
Unless they'd figured out that Lyr could do it too.
[/quote]
Hope that answers that question...The chicken thing just wouldn't fit in the plot. This one isn't funny although there's humor in everything I do.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
JezSharp
Respected Citizen
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Topics: 31
Posts: 592
Location: The middle of anywhere...
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Well I'd go with the first three choices of the poll (actually only first and third are really necessary). I went for i) as that is what I'd do first then get the cops to put a tracking device on me.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Right, anyone out there feel like casting a tie breaker for me? I get headaches trying to break them myself.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Last call for votes. I've still got a tie going I can easily write a chappy involving both of those plot options and hopefully get it moved to one of the SG forums...unless some meteor from space destroys my comp...
What? It could happen...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:16 am Post subject: |
|
|
Warning this chapter contains graphic images. Not for younger readers..You Have been Warned! That said...Enjoy.
------------------------
Burn Two: Life to Ashes
Ian mentally slapped himself. Here he was standing outside a cop shop letting himself be intimidated. How the hell did he know they had Lyr? They might just be saying that, playing on his worst fears, trying to make him cave and come with them. Well he wasn't going to play the game by their rules anymore. "Listen here asshole! You're the one with your dick in a sling, not me. I'm not going anywhere until you prove to me you've got Lyr." Another faint chuckle echoed through the phone.
"You can try to speak to him...I'm not sure he feels like talking at the moment though." There was a rustling noise in the background some faint music that sounded familiar but he couldn't place the song, and voices with words he couldn't make out. Then heavy breathing filled the phone.
"Lyr." No response, only the steady intake of breath. In. Out. In. Out. A dull thud, the sound of meat hitting meat, broke the breathing. A grunt of pain, then the painful hiss of a controlled intake.
"Say something asshole. That's your brother." Ian recognized the voice. Nicolo Leone, Vito's older brother. You were very unlucky if he was giving you any kind of special attention since that usually ment losing a limb or some other body part you were partial to. More hits, more grunts, the sound of spit flying and a hard slap. "He ain't gonna talk boss."
"That's alright, it's a camera phone. You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words." The sounds died away as the phone moved again. "Say cheese." An instant later Ian's phone buzzed telling him he'd gotten a message. "I'll hold while you take a look. See if it's anyone you know." With trembling fingers Ian depressed the button, opening his mail.
"No." It was little more than a whisper, spoken as his legs gave out under him, letting him sink bonelessly to the wet stone steps under him. The picture was clear, or as clear as a phone picture could be. A young man's face exposed to the camera by a black gloved hand gripping his sweat-soaked red hair. Another message buzzed his phone. He almost didn't want to open it but he had to. Call it what you will but he needed to see that image. And it banished beyond all doubt that the man they held was his little brother Lyr Varro.
The picture was a clear depiction of his ink, the tattoo of a six winged Phoenix. It couldn't have been anyone else, there wasn't another piece of ink like that in the world. The head of the bird, with it's flaming crest, centered in the hollow of Lyr's throat, first two wings tracing over his pecs and wrapping up over his shoulders, two long streamers of flame meeting over the bird's head.
The middle wings flaired out and wrapped around his sides, the last two arcing down and tracing the last ribs on his ribcage. The body of the bird flowed into an arching tail of fire that twisted, wrapping around onto itself so that, when you stood back and looked, a hidden infinity symbol stood out of the twisting flames. Ian wasn't mistaken, couldn't be. Lyr had had that tattoo since he was fourteen. It had been one of those things he'd done to try and show Ian he was strong...brave...stupid.
"Hello? Ian? Mr. Varro are you still there?" He fumbled with the phone for a moment placing it to his ear with hands that badly shook...god he needed a smoke. "Well Mr. Varro?"
"Gimme fifteen minutes. Please. I gotta recant my story...tell them I made it up or some shit. If I just vanish...well you know cops..." There was a long pause then the door of the car infront of him shut and the car drove off having been given it's instructions. Ian sighed, he had gambled for time and won.
"I'll call you when the car returns. For Lyr's sake I would not do anything stupid Ian." The phone went dead as an audible snap cut off the conversation. Ian stood and nearly sprinted back into the Precinct. He darted back into the room where Detective Romotto sat waiting.
"Where'd you go? Take a smoke? You look like you need another one" Ian slammed his hand on the table.
"No time man! You have to help me!" Romotto held his hands up as if to say 'whoa' or something along those lines.
"Easy now. I'm..." Ian reached across the table and grabbed the Detective's shirt with both hands. He yanked the man clean out of his chair so that the tips of his polished brown loafers scraped the harsh tile floor. Ian was a big man, 6'3", 285lbs, and at the moment all of that muscle was directed at saving his little brother...It had been since their parents had died when Lyr was twelve, leaving an eighteen year old Ian to take care of him alone.
With tears standing in his eyes he screamed at the man in front of him. "You don't get it! My little brother's life is at stake!"
-----------------------------
Elsewhere...
------------------------
Lyr glared at the well dressed man with the phone, eyes still stinging from the flash and the sweat that was running into them. He watched as the man, now with an oily smile, wandered away, talking to Ian on the phone. The guy holding his hair tightened his grip and pulled Lyr's neck back to an even more acute angle, till he was staring into the man's dead brown eyes. "Kid face it. Nothing you can do is gonna change the outcome of tonight."
His head was sharply shoved forward and his tormenter stalked away to where a group, including the two who'd come to the shop, sat playing Go Fish. "Kid too tough for you Nicolo?" Vito grinned at his older brother. There was none of the love between them that existed between Lyr and Ian, instead a nasty rivalry had supplanted it. It was funny actually, since Vito looked like the first strong breeze would knock him over while Nicolo was a steriod poster boy.
"Tough? Him? Ha that's pretty funny. He's one of those boys that goes to the gym so that he looks good for the ladies...couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag." Actually Lyr had over ten years of training in the Martial Arts and Boxing...fight his way out of a paper bag maybe not but he could send anyone's nose into their brain with a well placed jab. Nicolo walked back over to him. "Isn't that right kid? All those muscles from protein shakes and chicken dinners."
"Oh yeah that's the answer. Is that the reason you tied me up with piano wire instead of rope like anyone else." A stiff backhand to the face made him thankful he'd always taken care of his teeth. If he'd had fillings they'd have been knocked free by now.
"Smart ass! We don't want you to suddenly break free once your brother gets here. That metal won't burn like rope will." True but if Ian really put his mind to it the thin wire wouldn't be much of a barrier either. Come to think of it if he wasn't so concerned about them finding out he'd also inherited the family 'Talent' he'd have already left. Maybe he should have anyway. Ian was going to the cops so it wasn't like they'd have been sticking around.
"Right, that's an easy excuse. You're just worried that an upstart 'kid' might be able to upstage you. What do you press? Ten...twenty miligrams?" The guys at the card table had stopped playing.
"Ooooh."
"I think the kid's taunting you Nick." Lyr smirked.
"That's right Nicki. Gonna let some punk tied to a chair upstage you?" Nicolo was almost there, almost to the breaking point of doing something incredibly stupid, like letting Lyr have use of his hands, when the man in the suit walked back in.
"The pidgeon is on the way. He'll be here in twenty minutes. See that the kid's ready to see his older brother." Nicolo nodded to the boss before turning to face Lyr, cracking an unusual amount of joints. An evil smile lit up his face.
"Well now. Lets see just how much pain you can take kid." The Boss laid a hand on Nicolo's beefy shoulder.
"Don't kill him. We still need him alive when Ian gets here." Despite his nod it didn't look like this new order had dimmed Nicolo's furvor any. He picked up a pair of wires that were attached to a battery, tapping the ends together to show Lyr they had live current.
"Shit."
-----------------------------
Eleven-ten p.m.
----------------------
They dragged Ian into the building, the usual abandoned warehouse used in most situations such as this, and took him into his own private 'room' where they hung him from a chain suspended by meat hooks in the ceiling. He'd already recived the beating of his life in the car, his legs might never work properly again, and now they broke out the bladed weapons. The next half hour was hell, as both hot and cold knives kissed his skin, teasing the layers apart.
"You know this really isn't our usual thing. Normally we'd just put a bullet in your head and dump you somewhere but hey, the boss needs you too badly. You're special, unique, you can start fires with your mind man, how freaky is that? You could have been a boss one day, would have been a boss one day, now you're going to be dog-shit on a leash." Ian couldn't even scream, his voice too raw from previous cries, as they drug the knives down his arms for the last time, etching TRAITOR into his skin for eternity.
Then they dragged him off the hooks, savagely stuffing him back into his clothing, dragging him back through the warehouse. Where the hell were the damn cops! Why hadn't they already come bursting in like gangbusters, no pun intended? Did they get held up at the Krispy Cream? A door suddenly burst in, kicked hard as a familiar voice bellowed "Freeze!"
For a moment Detective Romotto stared eye to eye with the pair of thugs dragging Ian before all three of them burst out laughing. Ian couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Romo! You made it!" Romotto walked over and kneeled in front of Ian.
"You really did a number on him. He looks like the shit he is now." Paying no attention as Ian attempted to get his lips to work, he fished around in Ian's pockets. "Ah here it is." He pulled a small silver object from the pocket of the much battered bomber. Then he totally dashed Ian's last hope. He flipped it open and lit the cigarette that he'd pulled from the pack in his own coat. Blowing the smoke in Ian's face he smiled. "Had you going didn't I dumb shit. Boys he thought my Zippo was some sort of top secret tracking device. Can you believe that shit!"
Tears began to silently slide down Ian's cheeks, there was no shame in it now, he'd doomed Lyr for sure. His tormentors and the crooked cop talked over his head the entire way down the hall, finally slamming him in a wooden chair at the end. A curtain spread across the space infront of him, stopping him from seeing what else might be in the room. "Well Ian, here we are." Ian looked up to where the Boss was standing.
"I'm sorry."
"You certainly look that but I know this little lesson in physical pain won't be enough to enforce our message. You'll talk again, the next time you get. So I've arranged for a little present for you." He nodded to the shadows, one of which proved to be Nicolo holding a bundle with a pink bow on it. "Go ahead, open it." Ian stared at the package for a moment before trying to force his battered hands to untie it.
Eventually he gave up, his fingers were all either broken or useless at the moment, and used his teeth to undo the bow. Then he fumbled it apart and froze. There, laying still warm in his hand, was a freshly severed human tounge. "That would be a fitting punishment for you but, alas, who knows if removing your speech would damage your 'ability'. Recognize it?" Ian turned his head swiftly to the Boss who only smiled and pointed ahead of him.
The curtain suddenly raised and there, tied to a chair on the other side of it, was Lyr. His hair, or what was left of it, dangled in scraggly strips, his head, no his entire upper body slumped like a man with no will left to go on. "Lyr?" He managed to choke out the name. The head slowly raised, the clear grey eyes of his younger brother boring into his hazel ones. Blood, bright red and wet, trickled from the corners of his mouth, electrical burns, like silver dollars on golden skin, glimmered on arms, legs, and thighs although the tattoo had been spared. Respect. "You bastards."
"He wasn't much of a talker anyway, didn't even scream enough. I don't think he'll miss it much." Ian looked back to Lyr who gave a half hearted smile and shrugged. All things considered a tounge was a small price to pay. Ian looked back at the boss.
"Alright, you've got me. You've made your point, the lesson has," he looked at Lyr and swollowed hard. "Been taken to heart. Now let the boy go and tell me what you want me to do." The Boss made a gesture with his hand and the two thugs that had 'entertained' him so far this evening dragged him backwards out of the room.
"No! Lyr!" His outstreched hand trembled in the faint light before the darkness of the hall swollowed him. They drug him outside before throwing him onto the hood of a car, his mangled right arm coming to rest on the blower. His cheek to the paint he recognized Lyr's Cuda, his baby. The Boss walked over, looking him up and down. "Boss you've got to take care of him. I don't know much about the body but cutting out his tounge...Lyr will bleed to death. We need to get him into a hospital...we need to take care of him."
The Boss nodded again. "Sit him up." Hands gripped him and he was pulled into a sitting position. The Boss smiled at Ian as Ian pointed, pleadingly, toward the warehouse. "Oh don't worry Ian. We'll take care of him." He pulled what Ian thought was a pen from his pocket. It wasn't until he saw the red button on top he realized what it was. Ian screamed wordlessly into the night as the red button on the wireless detonator was depressed and the warehouse exploded with the force of ten pounds of C-4.
---------------------------
Midnight
-------------------
Lyr knew what was coming. He tilted his head upward as the gangsters left him, running like rats from a sinking ship. His prayer, silent, mute, seemed to echo louder in his own head than any he had prayed before. 'Dear God, let not my death be in vain.' The explosion came, the fire, his fire, roaring before it.
In the seconds before he was vaporized, instantly turn from life to ashes, he screamed into the flames. In his mute voice his cry of rage echoed. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
--------------------------
Lyr's Condo
-------------------
Ian sat in a tub of lukewarm pink water, clothes still on. The image of the explosion was still etched into his brain. They'd made him watch, sick bastards, until the fire sirens had scared them off. With so much power unleashed there was no doubt in his mind nothing was left of Lyr. Lyr. He sobbed. Memories flitted past his eyes.
Baby brother always tagging along, messy, sticky, hands into everything they shouldn't be. Little brother always wanting to do whatever Ian was doing, wanting to play with the big kids. Younger brother standing dry-eyed at their parents graveside, quietly slipping his hand into Ian's own, squeezing and letting Ian know he wasn't alone. Kid brother coming home after missing for three days, the tattoo on his chest gleaming with Vasaline. Brother blocking the door a week ago when the gang had come looking for Ian, threatening them until they left Ian in peace. Older brother moments ago, dying a death that should have been Ian's own.
A razor blade sat on the tub's edge, had been Ian's key to rejoining his brother. But his hands were too damaged to weild the weapon, his body too battered to allow himself the release of suicide. Now as he lay in the colder water, feeling the sting of soap in his badly stitched wounds, the boys had seen to that much, he turned his thoughts down a different path.
He made the choice to live, live in Lyr's honor, live to spite the men who had killed him. He was going to continue because if Lyr had been strong enough to die, Ian was strong enough to live. Yet he knew, instinctively, that Lyr would have known trouble was coming the moment he saw any members of the gang. That ment that he'd probably left instructions with somebody somewhere telling them what to do if Lyr didn't contact them tonight or tomorrow at the earliest. He looked at his watch, blessing water-proof for all it was worth, and realized that tomorrow was today.
He had to come up with a cover story, a lie to explain Lyr's abscence fast.
-----------------------------
What's he going to tell everyone?
--------------------------
Hope you like it.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Wed Sep 20, 2006 11:32 pm; edited 3 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Right the poll is closed, the second chapter is written. Now all I need are your thoughtful comments on where to send my 200F. *pulls out bag of gold and looks around thoughtfully.*
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8893
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | He had to come up with a cover story, a lie to explain Lyr's abscence fast. |
I am a smidgeon confused. Why does he have to explain Lyr's absence again?
Anyway, nice chapter, seemed much better spelling-wise too, though you got 'tongue' wrong.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
There are three reasons he has to explain Lyr's abscence rather than tell the truth.
First, he wants revenge. He wants to bring down the bastards that did this himself. He no longer trusts anyone, since the cops have proven themselves worthless, and doesn't want others interferring with his 'mission'.
Second, he doesn't want people snooping. If he just says Lyr died there's bound to be questions, from friends and people who knew the pair of them. Plus he knows that Lyr would have some sort of plan in place, somebody doing something if they didn't hear from him. He can't afford to have somebody put up a Missing Persons bulletin.
Third, who's going to believe the truth? Take a moment to imagine how it would sound. 'Uh yeah my little brother was whacked by the mafia when I refused to keep lighting fires with my mind for them.' He'd be committed.
In Ian's mind it's a much better thing to explain Lyr's vanishing on something else. To him telling the truth would only bring things to a halt.
Maybe I should have explained this but all you need to know is that he's not thinking rationally. He's rather disturbed at the moment and is only thinking about getting back at the goons not about what the logical thing to do is.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well this thread seems to have died, making it a safe bet the SG would as well. I'll try this idea again later, after I've done some editing and such.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8893
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | Well this thread seems to have died, making it a safe bet the SG would as well. I'll try this idea again later, after I've done some editing and such. |
Don't give it up Rai. The stories in Start Here are often not commented on much, and the whole site seems to have been very quiet the last week too.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
JezSharp
Respected Citizen
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Topics: 31
Posts: 592
Location: The middle of anywhere...
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yes I f5 China it has been very quiet this last week  ...hmm there must be a whole variety of explanations that he can come up with...
The simple one is that Lyr was working for the special forces in another country and so the details of his death are classified - the body was apparently never found - the best explanations are always at least half truthful.
For a more truthful explanation he could say that due to unforseen and unexplainable circumstances beyond his control Lyr had to leave the area for another place and is unlikely to be returning in the near future.
He could also make up any range of tempory excuses such as He's on a very long recuperation holiday or he's gone insane and been shipped to a a world famous Swiss medical institute or ... anyway something along those lines.
Hope that's at least a small help in generating idearium for the next poll.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Regularly I would say that his bro was blown to bits...but in a serious note, I would just say he left the country under classified details. If they don't believe that.
Tell them he burned up, lol.
Sorry I couldn't give more helpful suggestions, but yeah. I'm really tired right now.
*yawns*
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Looks like a good story. Haven't finished the second chapter yet, but there's a lot of action. I'll have to finish to comment more.
_________________
 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
D-Lotus
Venerable IFian
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Topics: 103
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm still not sure why we can't simply say- Gangsters killed my brother.
I think he should just say the truth, ommitting his powers. The more people to help him the better.
Also, the last sequence was somewhat confusing. Try to make things clearer. 
_________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Geek_girl72
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Topics: 31
Posts: 810
Location: Earth, The Universe
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 6:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
I'm finished reviewing this now, I could only find a few typos/grammer errors, but overall it's pretty solid. I woudl suggest less commas and more sentaces. The longer lines can be just a bit confusing.
Good detail, interesting characters, strong plot, a very good start.
_________________
"My candle burns at both its ends, it will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light!"
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Whodunnit?On hold till further notice
I Don't Believe in Fate: Chapter 13 is now released
Lost n' Spacey On hold till Further Notice
(\__/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny
(")_(")into your signature to help him gain world domination.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:07 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thanks. I'll keep your advice in mind for the future chapters GG!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hey everyone! Don't be stragers now that we've moved here to Skiffy!. The new poll is up and the new chapter can only happen after you vote!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
JezSharp
Respected Citizen
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Topics: 31
Posts: 592
Location: The middle of anywhere...
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 11:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Went for Lyr left the country as it's at least sort of true.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:17 pm Post subject: |
|
|
If we don't want people asking questions, we need to make it clear that he's dead. Call it an accident, have a funeral, then get some justice in the semblence of the lesson Ian was given (which should have them pissing themselves considering the crap they just did). I was thinking a car accident (into a gas truck maybe) would be a convenient way to explain Ian's own wounds and the situation that lead to Lyr's death at the same time.
Voted
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:22 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Excuses, excuses...Enjoy...
---------------------
Burn Three: Sensation of Warmth
One Year Later...
------------------
Word had hit the streets that the Varro boys had been in a terrible accident. Lyr had just picked up his brother, Ian's injury hadn't been critical just a shoulder wound, when they'd run into a tanker truck on the way home.
The resulting explosion had landed Ian in the hospital for serious injuries, no questions asked about the etchings of 'Tratior' or the horrible stich job, and Lyr had been reduced to ashes, his body incinerated.
The only part of the whole thing Ian regretted was having to sacrifice the Cuda. If Lyr were still here he would have killed him but it was alot easier to make people think that Lyr had been incinerated than it would have been to think that Lyr had been driving a different car.
There had been the out pouring of sympathy, people had been fond of Lyr. He'd been given more gift baskets and cash than ever before in his life. It hadn't been like this when his parents died. They'd been given sympathies and cards, a little cash here and there, but mostly left to fend for themselves. Yet his little brother had brought him an almost fame.
Ian looked out the window. They guys at the garage had given the best tribute though. Another Cuda six pack, lovingly restored, and painted exactly the same. They'd used photos of Lyr to get the details right and Ian couldn't tell the difference. It sat under a dust cover in Lyr's old parking spot, waxed every Sunday just like Lyr used to.
Call Ian obsessed but he'd given up his own appartment to live in Lyr's condo. Not one thing had been changed, not one item moved or removed. Ian lived his life around Lyr's stuff, around the memory of Lyr. Tonight he was going to the empty lot where Lyr had died to hold a vigil. Nothing had been done to the site after they had bulldozed the charred ruins of the old warehouse. The Boss had even given Ian the deed soon afterwards as a joke.
Some joke. The bastard won't be laughing long. Three more nights and then... Ian whistled a happy tune as he washed up his breakfast dishes. He had a free day today, a rare thing now that the boys were running him ragged. Ian was lower than dirt in the ranks now. He could be called at any time of the night to preform any task, even one as mundane as taking out the trash.
With a last swipe of the dry cloth Ian put the dishes back. He'd insisted Lyr do this, mostly because he hadn't wanted to. Lyr had always been a little like a maid for Ian growing up, always picking up after his older brother. Ian regretted that but then he regretted alot of things these days. Mostly he regretted the wasted time.
All that cleaning up had had an effect though. Lyr had become a bit of a neat freak, a real homebody. Some might have called him metrosexual with all of his tidy issues inculding his own personal hygine standards. For a mechanic that was pretty funny but Lyr always used to say 'Just because I smell fruity don't mean I am fruittie.' Ian grinned at the memory.
Putting the last of the dishes away he was just shutting the cupboard door when his cellphone rang. He frowned recognizing the number. "Yeah?"
"I gotta job for you Traitor. Be at the pier in ten minutes." The caller hung up leaving no room for argument. Ian ground his teeth and glanced at the clock. It was only ten there was still the whole day before midnight when he'd hold his vigil. Come hell or high water he'd be at there.
It was a quick change of clothes for him and a swipe of comb through hair. Shrugging into a jacket, not his favored old bomber but a new second hand jacket he'd bought to replace it, he grabbed keys and phone and was out the door, locking it behind him.
------------------------
Seven-twenty p.m.
------------------------
Ian was so mad flames were dancing in his hair...literally. His own private updraft circled around him ruffling his hair and clothing and making him seem demonic. The two bully boys that had been bossing him around all day backed up a step. The had just realized that, despite the punishment he'd undergone, Ian was a very dangerous man. Or maybe it was because of the punishment.
"Tell me again very slowly...what do you want me to do?" They looked at one another. Realizing that he could very well kill them and then pass it off to the boss as some kind of freak accident. The Boss wouldn't believe him but in truth what more could they do to Ian Varro except kill him?
"We...uh...we uh...." Ian leaned in cupping a hand to his ear. "We want you to stand watch while we go out." Ian nodded his head.
"That's what I thought you said...but when did you say you'd be back?"
"We didn't." Ian smiled again.
"Well I've got no problems with watching the door but get this." Winds that had a temperature of ninety degrees whipped outwards from Ian. The bully boys were growing hotter by the minute. Ian stepped forward. "You two had better have your asses back here before eleven or I'm going to see how well you like being fried feet first."
They nearly tripped over themselves on the way out. Ian sighed, leaning against the door frame. All the fire seemed to go out of him and he just sagged there. Reaching into his coat pocket he pulled out a picture of Lyr. "I'll be there bro...don't worry I'll be there." Rubbing his thumb across his brother's face he wiped away the tears that had sprang to his eyes. Vengence could't come too soon.
------------------------
Midnight
-----------------
The warehouse lot was deserted and Ian was still across town. The boss had called shortly after the boys had released Ian to go. He'd needed him for some special project and wouldn't take no for an answer. Thus the time of the vigil passed...but it did not pass quietly.
One year to the second later, the exact moment Lyr Varro had ceased to exist, a warm wind blew. The sky threatened a major thunderstorm but this wind was something out of a volcanic crater. Hot and dry it whirled around the site twice before focusing into a vortex over the site of Lyr's ashes.
Slowly the ashes rose, shedding dirt as they whirled upwards into the air. They began to compact, forming the skeleton of a tall man in his twenties. Slowly more ash formed tendons and blood vessels, yet more covering the bare bones with muscel tissues. This was a muscular young man. From a little distance away a small pile of ash formed a toung and attached in the young man's mouth.
Skin crept over the flesh, ash turning golden for a moment then becoming ash pale again. Long hair twisted out of more ash, charred black flashing brillaint flame red before becoming black again. He seemed to be nothing more than a sketch in black and white, his colors drained away.
Slowly the floating figure touched the ground, standing tall just as the heavens split open. Rain poured onto the shambling figure that blinked water out of it's cold grey eyes. On it's chest...the tattoo of a six winged phoenix gleamed damply the only patch of color remaining.
----------------------------------
Six a.m.
----------------------
He woke and stared at his ceiling for a moment. Then he scrambled around patting arms, chest, running his toung along his teeth. Just a dream...a damn dream.
"Oh it wasn't a dream sweetie." Lyr whipped his head around, catching a sight of black hair flying. Sitting on the edge of his bed was the figure of an attractive young woman. The only catch was she was completely see through, like a bad image in a photograph or a Ghost.
"Oh I'm no ghost sweetie, I'm like you a Revenant." Lyr stared at his hands again...they were ash pale. He tried to speak but only croaking noises came out. The ghost stared at him. "Having trouble talking?" She chewed a nail. "You wouldn't have been decapitated by...no you'd have trouble hearing and seeing as well...Something happen to your mouth just before you died?"
Does having my toung cut out by the mafia count? The ghost nodded.
"That would do the trick. When you come back if you weren't all in one piece when you died you'll have some problems using the separated bits for a little while. Don't worry, you'll be right as rain by tomorrow." Lyr nodded but that still didn't change the fact he was a living dead man.
So what's a Revenant? The ghost sighed and moved around to sit closer to him.
"I'd better tell you everything. A Revenant is a dead person who has been sent back to life by the Creator, don't ask I can't tell you more than that. It's said though that when an innocent dies unjustly, with rightous anger in his heart and vengence in his eyes, that a Revenant will be born."
"There are good Revenants and bad Revenants but they're called something else, I don't know what. A Revenant has the power to avenge him or her self and any others they were trying to protect but the catch is the power is limited. You've only got one week and then..." Lyr leaned forward.
"Then they give you alot of power in one great big clump. Like the week is a trial period and then you get the whole schebang. All that power can vaporize a Revenant, and generally does. If not then you're doomed to fade away as your power runs out. This is not what is happening to me."
"There is a way to escape being vaporized or fading away. You pick a focus, an object to channel all your energy through. All the fantastic beasts of history, dryads, nymphs, fauns, etc. Those were all Revenants. We take on the aspects of that which we focus through. The bad thing is, while we might live forever , if our focus is destroyed so are we. That's the only way to destroy us infact."
"That's why I picked energy as my focus. You can't destroy energy but you can run out of it. To replenish my stock I've got to have energy from someone else. I've got lots of power but I will just fade to nothing if I can't find someone else to share their power with me."
Lyr saw where this was going. At the moment nothing in the world could touch him, he had power that would never run out, and since he currently didn't need a focus he wasn't about to die. Obviously this spirit was her for the simple reason to hook up with him for the energy.
Was he going to let her?
-------------------------
Alot could go wrong if he chooses to do this, or things could go very right. What are your suggestions either way?
------------------------
Hope you liked it folks.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Geek_girl72
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Topics: 31
Posts: 810
Location: Earth, The Universe
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 5:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well, if he uses her at the last minute to focus with, wouldn't take on her aspects? It seems she needs him more than he needs her, maybe he could use that to get her help...
_________________
"My candle burns at both its ends, it will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light!"
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Whodunnit?On hold till further notice
I Don't Believe in Fate: Chapter 13 is now released
Lost n' Spacey On hold till Further Notice
(\__/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny
(")_(")into your signature to help him gain world domination.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 2:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Nice resurrection! I was wondering if that was going to happen, or if the name was hinting something else. We'll have to find out more about finding a focus. The ghost seems to have picked a good one. Perhaps we could find something as creative.
Lyr should probably get used to himself and his powers before contacting Ian. And it seems Ian just needs to keep cool (literally) for a while.
Can another person be a focus?
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yes Lebby another person could be a Focus but here's what you need to understand about a Revenants focus. A quick sneak peak at a passage from chapter four.....
Your focus, if you choose one, will become the most important thing in your life. You see, you're immortal you will live forever and nothing, I mean nothing, will kill you. The only way to destroy a Revenant with a focus is through the focus. Think, in mythology what happened to a dryad who's tree was chopped down...they died. That's right, that's why I picked energy as my focus...thought I was being smart since you can't destroy energy.
But everything comes at a price....
So you see Lebby if Lyr's going to choose a focus he'd better be choosing something that won't be found or destroyed easily...and a person isn't the wisest choice...although it would make for an interesting story since Revenants take on the qualities of their Focus...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8893
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 11:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
She's a hot chick, do it! She will be grateful no doubt. 
Good chapter Rai, happily devoid of your spelling errors, very readable.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 11:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
First off China who said she was hot? Second all of you guys are urging him to attach himself to some spirit who's name and motives he has no clue to.
She want's his energy sure and she needs his permission to get it, but are you considering what effect that might have on Lyr himself? I hope so since I'm planning on using your ideas but if you don't supply I have few old stand-by's that should serve well enough...
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8893
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 11:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Kalanna wrote: | | First off China who said she was hot? Second all of you guys are urging him to attach himself to some spirit who's name and motives he has no clue to. |
Bound to be.
| Rai wrote: | | She want's his energy sure and she needs his permission to get it, but are you considering what effect that might have on Lyr himself? |
Nah, I don't think that far ahead.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 11:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| chinaren wrote: |
Bound to be. |
*sigh* Not all my girls are hot China. She's not some amazon valkiery or anything like that, she's respectibly nice looking but she wouldn't win a beauty pagent or turn any heads. The people in this story are average looking people with extrordinary powers.
Although I might make someone hot just to keep consistancy...and keep certain eye candy based fans happy.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
LordoftheNight
Revered IFian
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Topics: 41
Posts: 5279
Location: Hell
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
So far, she seems to be the heroine. Therefore - she must be default be the hottest person there.
Unless of course she intends to complete the ugly duckling transformation, but that brings in whole new realms.
Plus - so far, there's no villainess, meaning the cardinal rule of storytelling (that it appeals to it's readers) states she must be hot.
Don't look at me - I don't write the rules.
_________________
Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 11:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
No villainess in this story guys, nevermind a hot one. I could work a sort of side villainess in but hey you two are forgetting one thing.
I'm a girl. Therefore I declare that the one hot person in this entire story is...the Hero. The rest are average looking or slightly above. Hot chicks, if and when they appear, will be in menial roles or as breif flings, bimbos, etc.
Still since only one main character is hot there will have to be several eye candy scenes. Luckily we're dealing with the mob here and anyone who's familiar, even in a general way, with them knows they're real fond of hot broads. So never fear gentlemen.
However I want this story based on the tale itself, not on the dirty images in your minds. This isn't Playboy and I'm not a bunny.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Ian will gain more power by... |
| Killing someone. |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Turning liquid nitrogen on Lyr. |
|
100% |
[ 1 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 1 |
| Who Voted: Mastermind |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
