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Fats_Masterson
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 Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:40 pm Post subject: Agaia's Tale: Chapter Four: The Safehouse |
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Here We go this is my first attempt at an SG. Tell me what you think and if you have any questions about stuff (somethings are dilberately hidden, others are just stuid mistakes)
Have fun
Agaia's Tale
Part I Jaina's Story
Clouds darken the horizon over the tiny farming settlement of Orinth’alen. A cold wind begins to blow across the savage land of Agaia.
A man, dressed in black robes and leather, makes his way across the plains towards the small village. The wind rips at the man's clothing and batters him with flying debris, but the man never falters. He walks unerringly straight towards Orinth’alen, amid the increasingly dangerous weather, with all the grace and skill of a predatory animal.
The man himself did not seem physically imposing or overtly dangerous; he barely reached six feet in height. He just seemed to be dangerous. Something, in the back of your mind, when you saw him walking told you that he was a killer. His grace was unnatural and his movements were almost preternatural.
The man reached Orinth’alen just as the sun was setting behind the far distant mountains. Moments later the darkening storm clouds finally came crashing together in a violent display of lightning and deafening thunder.
* * *
“Great Mother! Kerod look at the time. I’m to be at the temple in ten minutes” Jaina exclaimed, seeing the time on his ancient, hand crafted, clock. Her green eyes wide with shock. She jumped up from behind the equally ancient harpsichord and ran into the ante-chamber to grab her jacket.
“But Belle…” The large man began, “you play with such flair, such emotion, that it is like an angel has come down from the Heavens to play for me herself. It would be a sin to interrupt such beauty. You are beauty itself incarnated, my dear. This is why I am always calling you my Belle.”
Since the death of her father, Simon, five years ago, Jaina had been officially in the care of the Temple. Simon came from the city-state of Valenia and refused to let his daughter be educated by the superstitious and naive townsfolk. So before his death Simon arranged for Kerod to come to Orinth’alen to educate his daughter. Kerod had never met Simon before but was convinced to accept the posting by a mutual friend. The journey from Valenia was long and dangerous, not all of their party survived the crossing. He left behind friends, family, a career, but not once since the first time he met the young, smart, headstrong daughter of Simon Izilude did he ever regret his decision.
“I may be your Belle, Monseigneur, but I am also a Daughter of the Stone and we have certain responsibilities that a certain Father Nicoli demands utmost perfection in. One of those being the ability to attend Evening Ceremonies on time.” Jaina replied flatly while buttoning up her jacket.
“Oh yes, you and your responsibilities. Fine go along then. I wouldn’t want to get anyone on the wrong side of Nicoli. But Belle, for tomorrow…”
“I know, finish the readings and do the problems you assigned. Have a good evening, Monseigneur,” Jaina interrupted as she was racing for the entrance.
“I was going to say, Jaina,” He continued, stopping her at the door with the use of her real name and not the affectionate Belle, “you will play for me again, it reminds me of home.” He finished with a smile.
“Yes, Monseigneur,” she stated with a grin of her own and disappeared through the open door.
“Simon, what a beautiful child you brought into the world. I just wish I knew why you sent for me.” Kerod rose from his chair and made his way to a nearby bookshelf. As he stood in front of the bookshelf he closed his eyes and brought the index and middle fingers of his right hand to his forehead. His fingers then began to shine a pale-blue.
“A moment of your time, Sorcerer?” A voice hissed from the darkness behind him.
Quickly Kerod turned to face the stranger, while at the same time was altering the magic he was building into something defensive. He had been preparing to open a portal into his private storehouse, so instead he change his focus form a portal into teleportation spell. He focused on the voice of the stranger and as he turned sent the creature screaming into a pocket dimension.
Unfortunately, he never heard or sensed, which was odd, the second creature, which used the distraction to hit him from behind with a paralytic dart. Pain lanced up and down Kerod’s spine, he immediately collapsed and lost all bladder and bowel control. He was completely paralyzed.
“Good poison, eh, Sorcerer? Hurts all over doesn’t it? Yeah, that’s just a bonus, we only needed the poison because there’s no way you can focus any Magic with it in your system,” Kerod could now see, in full light, the source of the horrible hissing voice. It stood like a man but its body was covered in patched of matted fur and misshapen scales. Along its arms, spine, and shoulders were ridges of sharp spines and, bone horns. Its head was similar to a wolf’s but its face was covered in scales and it had the fangs of a snake. The entire misshapen monstrosity dripped with blood and foul ichors. The smell alone made Kerod want to wretch, even though he could barely turn he head.
If I can just reach my belt, he thought. His hands had fallen in front of him so only had to move a few inches to reach the small rod he kept there.
“You want to know why we came here, Sorcerer, hm? We want the girl. Our Master sent us to make a bargain with you, but when we saw her leave…well…I’m sure my pack mates can take one little girl to the Master,” The beast kicked Kerod squarely in the ribs and sent him flying into the wall on the far side of the room.
The blow nearly knocked Kerod unconscious, but when he finally regained his breath and drove the stars form his vision he found that he had fallen on his hands and that he could reach the small wand he had been reaching for on his belt.
“Eh? What have you got there, Sorcerer? Some trinket for the Master, hm?” the beast, seeing him grabbing at his belt, grabbed Kerod’s shoulder and quickly flipped him over.
Gripping the rod tightly, Kerod used his thumb and forefinger to touch two individual runes carved into the sides of the small rod. The beast didn’t even have the time to look surprised before the air around him and every piece of matter within one hundred feet exploded into flames.
* * *
Darwyn raced through the darkened village, he ignored the storm raging around him, winds pulling at his dark robes and hail pelting his dark leather armor. His mind was only on the Hunt.
Darwyn’s Mistress, Faedra the Goddess of fate herself, had bidden him to hunt, so he hunts. This was not his first Hunt either, Darwyn had been the Hand of Fate for almost five thousand years, since the end of the Second War of Heaven. He remembers that he is a hunter and he knows what he hunts and for whom, but Faedra, thankfully, relieves him of the burden of five thousand years of history.
This Hunt was special, never before had Darwyn been called upon to eliminate a soul so close to Divinity. Faedra wanted him to kill Tiltane, the Immortal Daughter of Agaia. The last incarnation of Tiltane died almost 17 years ago, the next was due to Ascend any day now.
Normally, Faedra did not interfere with the affairs of the Gods, but she told Darwyn that this was different and that this incarnation would bring destruction and chaos to an already stricken land. This could not be allowed to happen. So Darwyn Hunted.
Darwyn didn’t know who he was looking for. The nature of the power resting within the young girl in question prevented even a God from locating her. It was a sort of self-defense mechanism to protect her from those who would harm her before she came to power. Faedra, however, was very resourceful and cunning and from other omens and portents managed to discern where Tiltane would be at the time of her Ascension.
So Darwyn knew where to look, and he knew that it would be a girl of about seventeen, and that all of the Tiltane incarnations had the deep ocean-blue eyes of the world-mother Agaia. This was enough for the Hunt. Darwyn would find the girl and he would kill her.
Or so he thought, as he jumped from darkened street to darkened street. Little did he know that this would be the last Hunt of his strange antediluvian existence.
Suddenly, an explosion rips through a house on the southern edge of town. A huge plume of flame that used to be one of the village residences jumped up trying to kiss the sky and failing that it settled on trying to set its neighbors aflame. Darwyn could see people already gathering with buckets trying to keep other houses from starting on fire.
Darwyn was about to investigate the explosion when he faintly, heard, off to the south-east, the voice of a girl screaming. Then he heard, quite clearly, the sounds of several large and wild animals head in the same direction.
* * *
Darwyn has a number of options to consider: Does he investigate the explosion, or does he go see if the girl in need is the one he’s looking for. And if he does go after the wild animals does he charge in with weapons drawn, or does he sit back and wait and see if the animals do his job for him?
It’s up to you guys, I hope you like.
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Last edited by Fats_Masterson on Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:22 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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Ha, first answer! 
First, the nitpicks...
You need to watch your tense. You start of in the present, then slip into the past then, right at the end wobble between both.
| Quote: | | ...street. Little did he know that this would be the last Hunt of his strange antediluvian existence. |
You really should try and avoid this kind of sentence. It gives the plot away in advance. It's like an author comment, which is okay if you are 'telling' the tale from a narrators point of view, but you aren't, so it isn't.
Also, in a similiar vein, I suggest that instead of sentences like this...
| Quote: | | Normally, Faedra did not interfere with the affairs of the Gods, but she told Darwyn that this was different and that this incarnation would bring destruction and chaos to an already stricken land. This could not be allowed to happen. So Darwyn Hunted. |
...which is basically telling the reader plot, you should let this information dribble out as the story progresses. One of he basic rules of writing a story is: Show, don't tell.
For example, the above could, if you really wanted the reader to know about it now, read something like:
Darwyn grimaced as the rain beat down around him. Curse Faedra for sending him on this mission with such haste! He sighed then. Still, if this incarnation of Tiltane was so close to divinity, then the job needed to be done quickly blah blah blah...
Spelling.... great!! Nothing I saw.
Grammar is generally good too. Wooo!
Anyway, DP. He should go and lurk in the shadows and watch. If the animals do the job, then no problem. If not, he can step in and finish it.
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Lilith
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Guys, I'm glad you liked it. ''
I know my tense is bad, it tends to wander when I'm dreaming. I'll Work on it, and I think I've fixed the wandering character problem. Officially Darwyn, is the main character.
Still waiting to hear more suggestions, but I'm itching to fire off chapter 2. Should I make a poll for an introductory chapter or wait until the next DP?
Till next time.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:12 am Post subject: |
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This is a great suspence story. It kept me hooked and if you continue in the road you'll hold me here and also insperate me. I think that he should investigate he doesn't have a choice.     
Things are going ruff here, so there is only a bit of options to choose. Investigate I say.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:39 am Post subject: |
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| I like the writing style, and enjoyed reading it. I would go for waiting and seeing what the animals do, because something unexpected might happen.
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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Ok the poll is up but...
I think I'm going to have someone look at it and see if it can be fixed.
Thanks
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Don't worry about the poll Fats. It looks funny, but it adds them up correctly in the end.
Everyone just vote for the first option of the choice they want.
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry It's been so long since I've said anything, I've been sick and busy. But the Poll is closed and a new chapter should be on the way soon.
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, impressive for a first SG.
The part where you described the creature that tried to kill Kerod was very descriptive, and made me imagine the creature very clearly.
It kind of gave away the part where you said "little did he know this was the last time he'd hunt" for Darwyn, now I know what to expect, try to give the readers something they don't expect. Also, you kept saying that he hunted over and over, and it was kind of repetitive.
But all in all, that was great! I enjoyed it and hope the next chapter is not delayed.
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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One minor nitpick so far... '...ten minute s” Jaina exclaimed...' Just a bit of inventive grammar there... put an exclamation point in. I'll give you a few more as I go along. Otherwise... *seconds everyone above* Well written, and certainly a fair bit better than mine, for all my immaculate spelling, if not sentence length. . Keep on writing, boyo!
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 4:58 am Post subject: |
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| Fats_Masterson wrote: | | Sorry It's been so long since I've said anything, I've been sick and busy. But the Poll is closed and a new chapter should be on the way soon. |
We're waiting Fats. Not patiently, but waiting. 
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2007 9:12 am Post subject: |
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another thing watch on your polls that you dont submit more than once you'll have your options listed but it will have them listed more than once so be carefull on that note
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 3:38 pm Post subject: Agaia's Tale Chapter Two:Revised |
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Agaia's Tale
Jaina's Story Part II - The Woods
The storm had begun raging over the small village of Orinth’alen. Howling winds and rain battered the villagers and ripped away at the few buildings that made up the village. A large residence, some distance south of the village proper, was engulfed in flames and many of the villagers raced to keep the blaze from spreading.
To the north, in the forest near the holy temple of Orinth’alen, a young village girl was being chased down by a pack of wild beasts. Darwyn stood at the edge of the forest silently considering his options.
The explosion has nothing to do with me, he figured, and this girl may or may not be the One. She may know I’m here…
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a great beast howling, but like no beast that walked the earth. It sounded like a mix of a howling wolf, a man, and some sort of hissing lizard.
Damn!! Blood Clan, if they’re after this girl she’s either the One, or she’s in serious trouble. He thought as he raced into the forest. Either way, I want to know why they’re here.
With the storm obscuring the night sky and the canopy of the forest reducing the brilliant strokes of white-blue lightning to mere flashes of gray, the forest floor was nearly pitch-black. Most of the rain was kept out by the canopy of interlacing branches but the raging winds forced they’re way through and ravaged the forest floor. Huge branches, the size of men, whipped around and tore at whatever was nearest, man, animal, even other trees. Any man caught unprepared would be battered into a pulp within moments.
Darwyn, however, was not a normal man. With his enhanced senses he saw perfectly in the near total darkness. He dodged the giant limbs of ancient trees by the sound of wind rushing at him. He ducked and weaved through the raging forest with a preternatural grace that could only be called inhuman. Yet, through the cacophony of the storm and forest, Darwyn effortlessly followed the sounds of the Blood Clan Beasts chasing the young girl. The Beasts seemed to be herding the girl north, towards the Temple of Orinth’Alen.
I wonder why they’re doing that? Darwyn thought. It’d be a shame if someone was already there to crash their party.
Darwyn then altered his course and sped up to not only reach the temple before the Beasts, but swing around and be in a position to attack them from the side if need be.
I just hope they haven’t gotten any smarter since the last time we met. He chuckled to himself as he disappeared into the darkness of the forest.
* * * *
It was as if the forest had turned on him the instant he tried to reach the Temple. Roots appeared out of nowhere, tripping Darwyn and nearly sending him to the ground. More, even larger branches than before, tried to crush him beneath their boughs. It took all of his exceptional grace and skill to avoid being demolished by the seething mass of foliage. Even with his supernatural abilities, Darwyn only managed to position himself off to the east of the temple clearing hidden among the bushes and shadows, before the young girl burst through the tree-line.
The girl was young and beautiful. She had long blonde hair the stretched down past her shoulders. She had a circlet of braided hair around her head that ended in a small pony-tail, and her eyes were the deepest green the Darwyn had ever seen. She worn a simple blue dress and jacket that seemed to be unaffected by her flight through the raging forest.
This can’t be the One, Darwyn realized from his hiding place in the shadows. He could feel them flowing around his body bending the light so that he was nearly invisible. This was one of the many gifts of Faedra, the Goddess of Fate.
She looks to be the right age, but her eyes aren’t blue. If she isn’t the One…who is she?... Again his thoughts were interrupted, but this time it was by the Blood Clan Beasts bursting forth from the tree-line and tearing into the temple clearing. Darwyn huddled deeper into the shadows to make sure that he wasn’t noticed until he wanted to be noticed.
”Ssstop little girlsss!!” The largest of the Beasts called to the girl. The thing stood on two legs like a man but that is where the similarity ended. Its legs were shaped like a wolfs but covered in hard scales like a reptile. Its massive torso was covered in a mix of matted fur and scales, and its arms nearly hung to the ground, ending in human-like hands, claws flashing in the torch light of the temple clearing. All three beasts darted their strange, scaled heads around, as if they were trying to see in all directions at once. They were shaped like wolves but covered in scales and slime. Occasionally, one would dart their tongue out as if to taste the air.
We only wantsss to takesss you to the Massster, the large beast called out again.
The Temple of Orinth’Alen was not as grandiose as the title would make it seem. The Temple clearing was a treeless circular glade exactly one hundred meters in diameter. At the north end a single semicircular wall created the entrance to the Temple. A single archway allowed passage into the Sanctuary beyond. The wall however, was built merely as ornamentation and the Sanctuary beyond opened up directly into the forest. The only object inside the Sanctuary was the massive holy stone, the Orinth’Alen. The stone itself measured over fifty meters across and almost thirty meters wide.
The girl had ducked behind the Temple wall before the Beasts had arrived and now huddled against it, praying that the nightmare creatures wouldn’t find her. Darwyn could see, however, that the Wolf-Snakes had picked up her scent and were headed straight for her.
Suddenly Darwyn jumped out of the shadows, where he had been hiding, and began racing towards the two Blood Clan Beasts that were hanging behind the leader. Within moments, even before the horrid, stinking, thing realized that there was someone coming at them, Darwyn reached the first of the Wolf-Snakes. With lightning quick slashes slit the things throat with two long swords that seemed to have appeared from thin air. The Beast fell to the ground spraying blood and thrashing around in its final death throes.
By the time the other Wolf-Snakes realized that something had happened to their comrade, Darwyn was already upon the second. A blur of black fabric and motion jumped onto the chest of the beast. As he landed Darwyn plunged his two swords into either side of the things chest. The creature stumbled, then reared up as if to howl and sprayed a geyser of blood out of Its mouth before collapsing, dead to the ground.
The leader of the Wolf-Snakes had been well ahead of the other two, so it had heard Its pack-mates fall and was prepared for Darwyn when he struck. With the element of surprise gone, Darwyn now had to face a creature easily three times his size, with supernatural vision, hearing, and agility.
“You!!” The huge misshapen monster hissed as it lowered itself and readied to charge Darwyn. “Thisss issss no busssinesss of yoursss, God-Hand! Leave now and I’ll let you live. The Masster mussstss have this girl!”
The Beast stood in the clearing waiting for Darwyn’s response. Darwyn approached the huge creature but before he was in range of the creature’s huge arms he stopped, stared directly into the creature’s eyes, and rested the tips of both his swords of the soft grass. He kept a firm hold of both of the hilts and began to speak to the monster.
“You know who I am, Monster! You know I killed your God, Ohnem. Now tell me who your Master is and why he wants this girl I may let you live!”
A great rumbling sound started coming from the great beast. The creature was laughing. It was a horrible sound, something like a hissing bark or like a rock barking.
“You are a funny creature, just like the ssstoriess ssay, God-Hand. The Massster sspeakss to Holy Ohnem even beyond the veil of death. The Masster will bring the Return of the Blood God and thisss girl will be the key. You will not sstopss usss. You will die God-Hand!” The Wolf-Snake bellowed in fury and began to charge Darwyn.
“As the Hand of Fate, I cannot allow you to bring back that which has passed beyond. You will not have the girl I vow to protect her from yours and any scheme against this girl!” Darwyn declared as he dodged out of the way of the Beast’s charge.
Suddenly something happened, as he dodged the raging monster, he remembered.
Five thousand years of history came crashing into his mind and nearly obliterated his senses. Darwyn reeled; he hit the ground and crumpled. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t think, the only thing he could do was lie in a fetal position and clutch at his head.
The Wolf-Snake saw that Darwyn was injured and moved in for the kill. It stood over Darwyn, its foul breath weighing down upon him and ichors dripping onto his shaking frame. The beast reached down to grab Darwyn by the throat, intent on crushing the man’s windpipe. The monster was interrupted by an enormous voice that seemed to come from every where at once.
Leave this place, Creature of Darkness! I protect both of these mortals and your Master has no power here. Leave now and tell your Master that neither He, nor his Kin are welcome in these Woods!
With these booming words the Wolf-Snake dropped Darwyn, then fled from the Temple clearing. Darwyn remained motionless on the forest floor. The girl, sensing that the danger had passed, ran from her hiding spot to see what was wrong with her defender. Darwyn was uninjured but unresponsive, he just kept clutching his head.
* * * *
“Mister, please don’t die!” The Jaina pleaded. “I saw you save me. No one could have stood up to those monsters like you did.” The girl was nearing hysterics when the giant voice boomed again.
Fear not Little One. The man will be fine, though you could choose better protectors. This one has a dark past and an even darker Fate. He has deserted the Goddess Faedra and she will not be forgiving of such an action.
Jaina figured out that the voice could only be that of the Orinth’Alen, the stone that talked to the first Mage, Orinthalus. The Stone had spoken to no one since Orinthalus, so Jaina was both awed and frightened by the Stone’s voice.
“Spirit, this man has, at great risk to his own life, saved me from certain death at the hands of unspeakable Monsters! Would you now have me leave him here to die?” Jaina demanded of the Spirit.
Yes The Spirit boomed.
“I will not do such a thing!” She exclaimed. “:This man saved my life and I will do no less!”
Very Well!! The Spirit stated simply. Know that I can no longer protect you, Little One. You forge your own path. The world outside these woods is strange and dangerous. The Land itself has gone mad with rage at the hubris of Man. There are some out there like myself, that wish to help and shepherd humanity, but most wish only to end Man’s dominance over this realm. Trust no one and beware the Blood Clan. They are ancient and twisted by dark pacts and evil magicks, they will not stop coming after you. Rest here tonight, I will protect you and your companion until morning, then you must leave. Do not return to the village, leave through the forest, if no one there knows where you are the Blood Clan may not bother them. Now rest, Little One
After listening to the Spirits instructions Jaina collapsed almost immediately to the forest floor. She fell into a deep sleep and stayed there, sheltered for the last of the storm by the gigantic spirit-stone.
* * * *
The next morning both Darwyn and Jaina were both awakened by a slight nudging in their minds. They could see the rosy pink light of the coming dawn overhead through the boughs of the forest.
“What...?” Darwyn began, “I remember…I remember every thing…”
Your Mistress has cast you off and removed her protections from your mind. Because you are now unemployed I charge you with this girls protection…
“I have already sworn to that,” Darwyn stated simply.
Leave the Forest, you must find out why the Blood Clan is after her and stop them.
Without reply Darwyn turned to tell Jaina to get ready to leave and found her at the edge of the clearing waiting for him to catch up.
“Why do I get the feeling that this is the worst idea I’ve ever had?” Darwyn muttered to himself as he jogged to catch up with Jaina.
* * * *
As he caught up with Jaina, Darwyn found that more and more of his memory was returning. Little details that would suddenly pop into his mind. He knew that the trees that grew in this forest, grew no where else in the world. No one knew why, but then very few, in this day and age, had the time to study such things. He also knew exactly where he was. It was a strange feeling for him, he had never known where he was, only where he needed to be. A 'gift' of his former Mistress.
Darwyn also felt a great urge stirring deep in his soul. Questions dancing around inside his head, begging for answers.
What does the Blood Clan want with this girl? Who is she? Why did Faedra leave me? What part does she play in all of this?
The two of the ventured deeper into the forest, as Darwyn was contemplating which of the various leads he should pursue, and where he could possibly take the girl that would be safe from the prying eyes of a dead god.
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Darwyn has a number of leads he could pursue. Should he track down more information on the blood clan. Maybe track the pack that came to Orinth'alen.
Does he take Jaina to more civilized areas to shelter her from the blood clan, or does he take her deeper into the wilderness?
The Choice is yours guys I hope you like!
End of Chapter Two
Here you go. I hope you guys enjoy and I apologize that it took so long to get CH 2 out.
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Last edited by Fats_Masterson on Wed May 30, 2007 11:33 am; edited 3 times in total
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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Wow thanks Zephyr, as a new resident of If I am honored by your words and praise.
As for the DP, I know it's really weak. I was waiting until someone asked and I was going to explain myself.
These first two chapters are kind of a set, an introduction to the World of Agaia. We're just meeting the characters and the initial events are happening.
From this point on, I want to explore the world, but I want you guys to decide where the go and what they do. I know what direction I want to take the game in, but I wanna know what you guys wanna know about the world. As well as any suggestions as to what you want to see happen. Like I said, I know that the DP is really weak on this chapter, and I promise later chapters will have more defined and relevant DP's, but there is a method to the madness.
To answer your last question I also want to add that I felt that my handling of the Spirit voice is one of the weakest points in the story. In a very small sentence, Jaina figures out that the disembodied voice is that of the Orinth'Alen. The stone that spoke to the First Mage of the new era, some five hundred years ago, so that mankind could harness the magical force again.
| Quote: | | Jaina figured out that the voice could only be that of the Orinth'Alen, the stone that talked to the first Mage, Orinthalus |
This is the only reference I make to the identity of the voice/spirit.
I hope that this clears some things up. If not I will try to answer any question that get posted here.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 2:54 am Post subject: |
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Hi Fats! Just caught up with your latest.
Just two things...
Gotten. Arg! I hate that word. Try... became.
| Quote: | | The Beast saw that Darwyn was injured and moved over for the kill. The Beast stood over Darwyn, its foul breath weighing down upon him and ichors dripping onto his shaking frame. The Beast reached down to grab Darwyn by the throat, intent on crushing the man’s windpipe. The monster was interrupted by an enormous voice that seemed to come from every where at once. |
Lots of 'The Beast' there. Try varying. 'It' or as you did later, 'the monster'
For everything else I f5 Z!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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I have been waiting for this one... Then it crept up when I wasn't looking and has already been revised before I got to it!
For me there has to be more to this stone than meets the eye. The stone has on the one hand said that it will no longer protect them, but on the other hand, it has given them a task, to stop the Blood Clan.
Logically speaking, the stone would not have needed to give them that information, if it didn't have the responsibility of protection any more. So, why did it do so? Does it have some other motive?
Perhaps an alternative option for the DP would be to investigate more about the spirit itself...
The second chapter reads much better all round.
(BTW thanks for your advice on Magician's Touch, it completely turned the story around! )
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Head Eater
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| Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Well done mortal. I, the Eater of Headsssss, have found this sssstory worthy of promotion.
Enssssure it remainssss sssso, or I sssshall return! 
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 8:59 am Post subject: |
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Ok, Ifians! Pre-poll time.
I plan to have a poll up in the next 24 hours. I wanna have a new chapter up by the weekend. To recap we have a few ideas;
Should Darwyn and Jaina:
- stay near the village and find out more about the mysterious Stone-Spirit - Track the pack of Wolf-Snakes that came to Orinth'alen - head to greater civilization - head deeper into the wilderness
These are the thoughts so far. If anyone has any other suggestions, now is the time to get them in.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Well I've voted... I think staying near the village is the thing to do!
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 11:41 am Post subject: |
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Ok guys, thanks to those who voted. I know it was a weird DP, the next ones will be better.
the results are:
- Stay near the village and find out more about the mysterious Stone-Spirit [2 votes] 100% - Track the pack of Wolf-Snakes that came to Orinth'alen [0 votes] 0% - Head to greater civilization [0 votes] 0% - Head deeper into the wilderness [0 votes] 0%
So there you have it! Not the choice I would have picked but I like it. Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a day or two. Happy reading!
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Amichan
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:40 am Post subject: |
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not bad but i'll give you a hint give your polls about 2 or 3 days that way you can get more responses plus if there is adirection you want to talk your story that will give readers a chance to vote hopefully in your favor so you can go that direction that your aiming at
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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Umm Kang, the poll has been up for over a week
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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Agaia's Tale
Part III - A Returning
“Hey! Uh … Girl! Hold up!” Darwyn yelled as he ran into the forest after Jaina. After last nights violent storm the forest seemed peaceful and rested. The young woman halted her trek through the forest and waited for Darwyn to catch up.
“Now, Girl, where are you headed off to so quickly?” He questioned as he caught up with the girl. “Just because some rock tells you…”
“My name is Jaina, Jaina Izilude,” She interrupted Darwyn in mid-sentence. “And if I’m to have you as a traveling companion I should know your name as well.”
“Well…I…”He stammered, realizing he had not heard, nor uttered, his own name in ages. “You can call me… Darwyn.”
“Fine, Darwyn it is then,” She stated simply, “To answer your questions; first of all that ‘rock’, as you put it, is the Orinth’Alen, protector and guardian of our village. It would not harm me or any of our village. And secondly, I’m going back to the village. Those…beasts were looking for me, if they found Kerod instead... He could be in grave danger, or worse. I have to find out what happened to him. He was the closest thing I’ve had to a father since mine died, and I’m not going to just leave without finding out what happened to him!” She finished, stamping her foot into the soft forest floor for emphasis.
“Alright, alright. I meant no offence,” Darwyn replied, even though he had no idea who Kerod was. He could tell the young girl was on the verge of hysterics. “I just meant that I don’t know this Stone, I don’t really know anything thing right now. My memory is a little rusty right now. I just want to find out more about It, that’s all.
“If you are, however, going back to the village, allow me to accompany you. There may be more Blood Clan around here.” Darwyn stood waiting for her assent.
“I could tell you what I know, which isn’t much,” Jaina lamented, “Mostly just the old myths and the Litanies. Father Nicoli would be able to answer all your questions about the Orinth’Alen. He wasn’t at the Temple last night, so he’s probably in the village somewhere. Now, I’m leaving, come if your coming, stay if your not. I really don’t care.” She stated as she turned and started walking towards the village again.
Startled by her abrupt movement, it took a moment for Darwyn to start off after her.
“I’m really starting to dislike when she does that,” He muttered under his breath as the two of them hiked towards the village of Orinth’alen. He just wished he could shake the sinking feeling he was starting to develop in the pit of his stomach.
*****************************************************************************************
When Darwyn and Jaina reached the village, they found the villagers rushing about trying to clean up and repair the damage done by last night’s storm. Trees had been uprooted. Leaves and branches of various sizes, ranging from the size of mans finger to that of a blacksmiths arms, littered the streets and covered some houses. Roves had been torn off of buildings, shingles, tiles and even sections of houses were strewn across the village square. And in the southern most section of the town a house, apart from all the others in the village, lay smoldering and smoking. The blaze halted, the villagers had left the rubble alone to tend to more urgent matters.
The pair moved quickly through the village, careful not to draw any attention to themselves. They wanted to avoid leaving any clues, especially witnesses, for the Blood Clan to find after they had left. Even before they reached the rubble they could still see smoke rising from the south end of the village.
“Oh, no! Kerod!” Jaina exclaimed upon seeing the smoke. Forgetting herself, she took off at a dead run towards the crumbling remains of the old manor.
Damn Darwyn thought as he took of after her. Why am I doing this? Why am I helping this girl? Obviously my Mistress wants her eliminated. She’s ‘dismissed me from service’ because I helped this girl. But who is she? This girl is painfully mortal, so what does everyone want with her? His thoughts were broken by the sight of Jaina collapsed, sobbing at the base of the rubble. He ran over to her and gathered her in his arms, an action that came almost instinctually to him. As he held her see looked up at Darwyn, her face filled with hate, her eyes blazing with rage.
“Darwyn, why did they do this? If it was me they were after why did they murder they only person I cared about? Why do they want me?” As she was sobbing and raging, Darwyn almost thought he saw flecks of blue swimming through the green of her irises.
“No child, I don’t think mere creatures are capable of doing this to a building,” A voice from behind them spoke. “It would take an explosive charge or a very powerful Magi to do this to a building”
As the pair turned and got up off the ground, Jaina’s slight frame still convulsing with the occasionally sob, they saw this new visitor. He was tall and wore a plain cotton shirt, with a pair of brown hand-woven pants, and a long brown huntsman cloak drawn up to conceal most of the intruders face.
“What would you know of the creatures we’ve seen, or of what Master Kerod was capable of! If anyone in this village could have been as powerful a Magi as you say, it would’ve been Master…” Jaina had been approaching the stranger steadily throughout her tirade, until now she stood where she could see the man’s face, his long brown moustache peeking through the hood of the cloak, “…Kerod!?”
“Ah! Belle, in the flesh,” He answered as he embraced her and then proceeded to swing her around in a full circle. “But, we mustn’t forget ourselves, Belle. As good as it is to see you there are civilities to maintain,”
‘Yes, Monseigneur,” She replied quickly, unconsciously patting and straightening her dress.
“Now, Belle, who is this new companion of yours?” Kerod asked, looking over at Darwyn. “I’ve never seen you in the village before, so where do you come from, and why are you here?”
“Kerod!” Jaina exclaimed, scandalized at his forwardness and complete lack of tact. “This is Darwyn. He saved my life from those creatures last night. ‘Blood Clan’ he called them. He is a friend and that’s all you need to know.”
“Jaina, please, I can answer my own questions,” Darwyn began, “I came to your village on a mission from my Mistress, Faedra the Goddess of Fate. I found those Clan members near the forest and tracked them chasing Jaina. I don’t know what they wanted with her, but I know them enough to not want them to get anything they want.”
“Interesting…” Kerod said as he thoughtfully stroked his moustache. “I’ve heard of the Clans, but never this ‘Blood Clan’. You must tell me all that you know about them, later. We’ve been here long enough. We do not want to attract any undue attention, do we? If these Blood Clanners think that I am dead, I suggest we do nothing to correct that fallacy, no?”
“That is a very good idea, Monseigneur, but we’re searching for Father Nicoli,” Jaina began, “Darwyn wanted to ask him about the Orinth’Alen. He wasn’t at the Temple last night during the storm, so he must be here in the village somewhere.”
“I can answer any of his questions, Belle. Or do you think me an inadequate teacher?” Kerod asked, arching his eyebrow inquiringly.
“No, no, Monseigneur. I would never imply such a thing. I just meant…um that…” She stammered, obliviously uncomfortable with her mentors gaze.
“Be at ease, Belle. I was only jesting,” A huge rumbling laugh burst form the large man. “Now run up ahead, I have a thing or two I want to discuss with your new ‘friend’, here.”
Jaina, knowing that her mentor was used to having his orders questioned, gave a quick bow and a “Yes, Monseigneur,” before running up ahead.
When she had turned down a street corner towards the village square, Kerod turned to Darwyn.
“You know that those beasts wouldn’t have left anything of Father Nicoli if they had found him. How many of them were there last night?”
“Three,” Darwyn stated simply, realizing where his train of thought was going.
“With the two or three that were at my manor…that would make five or six. I doubt that they would travel in such a small group”
“The Blood Clan never travels in packs of less than twelve,”
“Well then, you see what I mean, m’boy,” Kerod said with a quick smile, either ignoring or oblivious to Darwyn’s cold tone and demeanor. “I do not think that we should let Jaina on this little secret, it would only upset her. However, I think we should leave this place quickly and quietly in case more of those creatures come looking for her,”
Kerod waited for some sign of assent from Darwyn. All he gave was a slight nod and Kerod continued.
“I have a small safe house in the forest south of here. We can spend the night there, stock up on provisions and leave in the morning. If that’s alright with you?”
“You’ll tell me about the stone tonight, then?” Darwyn asked.
“I’ll tell you all that I know, I swear. Now let us go retrieve young Jaina and we’ll be off,” With that the large man turned with a surprising grace and headed down the street after Jaina.
Again, startled by the quick movement of the large man, and annoyed by the fact that everyone seemed to be getting a jump on him today. Ever since last night his mind had been distracted, his senses dulled and reactions slowed. His memory was intact with over five thousand years of history and experience, but it was not whole. He could remember events but not specific details associated with those events.
“I just wish I knew what you wanted of me?” Darwyn silently prayed to his Mistress as he followed Kerod towards the village square.
*****************************************************************************************
Hours later, the strange trio was seated inside Kerod’s ‘safe house’. Kerod and Darwyn had convinced Jaina of the need to leave without discovering the fate of Father Nicoli. It had been too easy to convince her and Darwyn suspected that she knew that Nicoli might be dead and that hoping he was alive was better than knowing he was dead. The ‘house’ itself was more of a cave dug into the side of a hill. At first Darwyn had thought they were heading towards a shallow rocky slope in the forest. Kerod kept heading towards a particular rock, when he reached the rock he stepped to his left and disappeared.
Startled, Darwyn raced towards the spot where Kerod disappeared. Upon reaching the rock, Kerod returned and Darwyn realized what had happened. From where he had been standing, which he also noticed was the only way to approach the hill, Darwyn could only see the front face of the rock. It had been designed to look like a single unbroken rock from one angle, but from where Darwyn now stood he could see Kerod standing in a small, carved tunnel. Had Kerod not been standing there, Darwyn was sure that his eye would have just passed over the tunnel, assuming it was just a rock.
Very interesting camouflage, He thought, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one. No simple scholar would devise a trick like this.
Kerod motioned for Darwyn and Jaina to follow behind him as he disappeared further into the tunnel. Jaina quickly darted after him with Darwyn following at his own pace.
The pair found that the small tunnel in the rock soon opened up into a larger room, with Kerod nowhere to be seen. Neither Darwyn nor Jaina could stand in the tiny, earthen room, but it was quite comfortably furnished despite its remote locale. Mats and rugs, of every shape, size, and colour, covered every spot of bare earth on the ground, and hung from almost every wall. Huge, luxurious, cushions offered numerous spots to sit and lay down. Small slatted windows offered a little light, and a small, hand-crafted, fireplace, cut into the south wall, provided all the warmth the small dwelling needed.
Strange. I didn’t even notice the windows, or smoke for that matter, from outside. I wonder how he does that? Darwyn wondered as he looked around the small dwelling.
Just then, one of the hanging mats on the wall flew to the side and Kerod walked out of a previously hidden back room.
“Kerod this place is wonderful!” Jaina shrieked with delight. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about it?’
“Well, it wouldn’t be much of a secret if I told anyone would it, Belle? Now come, have a seat, you as well Mister…. Darwyn was it?”
“Darwyn works fine,” He replied simply. “What’s the plan?”
“Hmm. Direct, aren’t you?” Kerod stroked his moustache as he sat down on a cushion near the fire. He reached next to the fire and grabbed a long pipe, and a leather pouch. From within the pouch he drew a small portion of tobacco, which he carefully packed into the pipe, and a small red stone. He then touched the stone to the tobacco and puffed at the pipe. The tobacco instantly flared up and created and burning red ember in the tobacco. “We will spend the night here, gather what provisions we can carry from this storehouse, and then head for Valenia on the morrow. I have a colleague there that might know more about these creatures and what they’re up to,”
“Kerod…” Jaina said breathlessly, staring at the leather pouch. “You are Magi, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Belle, I am," The large man began chuckling, "I meant to startle your companion, not you, Belle. Your parents were Magi as well. That is how your father knew me, or rather, of me. But that is a different story now isn’t it? For the most part the stories have it all wrong. We Magi do not live lives of adventure or power. We are historians and storytellers, for every Grand Magus you hear about there are hundreds of lesser Magi that gather stories, or search for lost lore’s, or go out in to the wilderness to help villages, like this one, to survive. So please do not be afraid, Belle. I am still the same man I always have been, I can just do a little more than you thought I could,” Kerod now turned his attention to Darwyn.
“You sir, however, seems completely unperturbed by use of magic,”
“I’ve seen things I can’t even begin to describe, in the service of my Mistress. Your Magi tricks do little to impress me,” To emphasize his point Darwyn, pulled the shadows towards him until he was completely covered with an impenetrable darkness.
Thank you, Mistress, He thought. With his mind being so distracted, Darwyn had been worried that he may have lost all his powers. It seemed that Faedra, still granted him some fortune.
“I see,” Kerod replied as Darwyn banished the shadows. “Well, I promised to tell you what I know. We have a few hours before the sun goes down, I’ll tell you what I can, but after the sun sets, we sleep. Fair?” Kerod waited for Darwyn to agree before continuing.
“Good, then it’s settled. Now what can I answer for you…?”
******************************************************************************************
Okay, guys and girls, DP time again. What is Darwyn going to ask about? We know he wants to know about the stone, but what about himself? If he’s been alive for 5000 years surely the Magi have heard of him. What about Tiltane or the Magi themselves? Any other suggestions?
I want to apologize for the time it took to get this chapter out. I hope people keep reading and enjoy what I’ve written.
‘K guys have fun.
p.s.
If no one offers any suggestions I'll just go into more detail about the Stone- Spirit, Orinth'Alen.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 3:54 am Post subject: |
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Hmm, well I'd want to know more about the stone, but also perhaps more about the Blood Clan. Kerod has alluded to knowing something about the Blood Clan, which he is not letting on to Jaina. What were these other three creatures? What else does he know about the Blood Clan?
Perhaps they would have to divert Jaina or wait until she was sleeping until he reveals more.
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:36 am Post subject: |
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how do you figure that Kerod is hiding something from Jaina?
Is he supposed to be her surrogate father?
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 11:22 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
When she had turned down a street corner towards the village square, Kerod turned to Darwyn.
“You know that those beasts wouldn’t have left anything of Father Nicoli if they had found him. How many of them were there last night?”
“Three,” Darwyn stated simply, realizing where his train of thought was going.
“With the two or three that were at my manor…that would make five or six. I doubt that they would travel in such a small group”
“The Blood Clan never travels in packs of less than twelve,”
“Well then, you see what I mean, m’boy,” Kerod said with a quick smile, either ignoring or oblivious to Darwyn’s cold tone and demeanor. “I do not think that we should let Jaina on this little secret, it would only upset her. |
It seemed from this conversation that Kerod seemed to know something about the Blood Clan, or at least what they're not, when he said 'you see what I mean', and he states that they should not let Jaina in on the secret.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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I'm with Crunchy on this, I also want to know a bit more about this Blood Clan, but also the rock too. Is there anyway way he can phrase the question so that both of them are answered?
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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I wasn't trying to suggest that Kerod knew more than he was saying. I was trying to show his wariness, intelligence and over-protectiveness towards Jaina. But, it is absolutely possible to have Kerod know a little about the Wolf-Snakes.
The Beasts also attacked and tried to kill Kerod just because Jaina was at his house. Kerod was just inferring on the knowledge he (and us) alreadly had.
And interesting suggestions so far, keep it up, (please)
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:09 am Post subject: |
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Ok guys, I know I've been away a while, but I've got the poll up and Hope to start a new chapter by next week. Well have fun!
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, weekend's over and it's still a tie. well I'm gonna wait about 12 hours then if it's still a tie, I'll cast the tie-breaker.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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damn i missed the poll 
i would say that Darwyn's history is somehow tied to the Magi and the stone.. 5000 years of memory taken off him for a reason.. may7be something terrible/heartbreaking happened to him that made him throw himself inbto Fates service?
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Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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Here are the results of the poll. A new chapter should be coming quickly.
Thanks to all those who read and post!
What Should Darwyn ask Kerod about?
The Blood Clan [1 vote] 33%
The Orinth'Alen [0 votes] 0%
Himself [0 votes] 0%
All of the above [2 votes] 66%
People who voted: chinaren, Crunchyfrog, Fats_Masterson
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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i just wanted to say that i am heaps enjoying this and wil have to add it to favourites as i keep missing the polls!!! keep up the good work fats...
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Chapter 4: The Safehouse
The trio busied themselves in the small comfortable cave. Kerod and Jaina had searched through the supplies in the safe-house and were preparing a stew with what they had found. Darwyn was returning from outside the cave with enough wood to keep the small fire going until dawn.
“Hmm, yes! That should be enough,” Kerod said as Darwyn entered. “Just put it over there next to the fireplace,”
Darwyn scowled at the rotund middle-aged man, not that Kerod noticed, then put the wood he had gathered next to the fireplace and threw himself down upon a pile of cushions in the corner. Glad to be finished with the mans chores he drew out his sword and began sharpening it in front of the fire. He looked around the small dwelling, but Jaina was nowhere in sight.
“Good! Now that we have enough wood we can start this fantastic supper Jaina cooked up,” Kerod began, completely unaffected by the sound of metal being dragged across a whetstone, and started dishing out portions of stew. The smell was delicious; roasted potatoes mixed with wild dill and chives, with a little fresh mutton to finish the stew. The smell filled up the entire dwelling and Darwyn's mouth was watering even before Kerod passed him his own bowl.
Just as Darwyn was about to dig into his food, Jaina threw open one of the hanging tapestries and entered carrying a large loaf of bread. She crossed quickly to the table and bent down on her knees. Kerod got up and followed suit, displaying a surprising agility for such a large man, while Jaina beckoned Darwyn to do the same. Unsure of what to do and not wanting to offend his hosts, Darwyn sheathed his sword and knelt in front of the table.
When everyone had knelt in front of the table Jaina picked up the loaf of bread and began reciting:
Thank you, Mother, for the bounty you have provided us.
Let us grow on your Bounty, That we may Protect you from Your Enemies.
With that she broke the loaf of bread into three pieces and handed a piece to each of the others. After they had taken their bread Jaina looked up through the ceiling and raised her hands so they were both palms up and level with her head. She then began reciting again:
We offer our thanks and our prayers to You, Mother. We ask only that you,
Watch over us, and Protect us from that which we cannot defend ourselves.
We live in peace, as One, in your Memory.
With that she lowered her hands and looked over at Darwyn. She looked eager and motioned for him to eat. While Darwyn was used to the idea of different cultures having different beliefs, he was surprisingly uncomfortable with the idea of being blessed by a foreign Deity.
Determined not to let his discomfort show, he began eating his meal, which he soon discovered was the best meal he could remember eating. He had only meant to eat a few bites, but as he looked down he discovered he had eaten his entire bowl and a full third of a loaf of bread.
“Been a while since you've had any decent cooking, hasn't it, lad?” Kerod said, chuckling to himself. “Not to worry, you're not the first to react like that to Jaina's cooking. In the village people frequently said that her cooking could bring back the dead!”
As he finished they both turned to Jaina, who instantly flushed beet red and jumped up, and darted past the tapestries into the back room while stammering;
“Me..? Who? No...they never said that, he's just kidding. I have to...um...check on...er.. something in the... back...here...” And she was gone.
Kerod roared with laughter and even Darwyn, who couldn't remember the last time he smiled, let alone laughed, chuckled under his breath, at the shy, young, green-eyed girl. He couldn't help feeling ... something for the girl. He couldn't explain the feeling, even to himself. It had been too long since he had felt anything except the cold swift rush of vengeance. He found himself watching the way she walked and the way her cheeks dimpled when she smiled. He silently scolded himself for being foolish and immature when he caught himself, but his gaze always seemed to fall on her.
It was some time before Jaina returned to the main room. Kerod busied himself with his pipe; scraping it clean, checking the airflow, repacking it. While Darwyn checked on the fire, making sure it would last the night. He also kept an eye on Kerod. Darwyn didn't trust him. Something about his story didn't add up. The Blood Clan never left survivors, Kerod would have had to use very powerful magic to escape them, yet he hadn't done anything remotely 'magical' in Darwyn's presence. From what Darwyn could remember (which, granted, wasn't much) the Magi were incredibly fascinated with their own power. They loved showing it off, and used it at almost every occasion. No something here didn't add up.
As Darwyn was lost in his own thoughts, the tapestry keeping the doorway to the back room hidden lifted up and Jaina swept back into the room as if nothing had happened.
“Sorry, I forgot I had left something in the oven,” She muttered quickly as she vigorously attacked a wrinkle in her dress. Darwyn didn't even know there was an oven in the back.
“Oh, excellent!” Kerod exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “An after-diner snack, that would really hit the spot,”
“Which one, Monseigneur, you seem to have developed a couple?” Jaina asked dryly. “You have more than enough meat on you, you're not going to starve,”
Kerod looked stunned. Seeing his face, Jaina continued, “If I am going to be cooking on this little trip You are going on that diet we talked about,”
At once both Darwyn and Kerod jumped up voicing protests and promises that they would share in the cooking duty.
“Tut, tut. I'll hear none of that. I happen to enjoy cooking, and judging from Darwyn's reaction to my stew I doubt he cooks any better than you do, Monseigneur. I'll cook and that's final, you two can figure everything else out between you. You two would probably end up poisoning the lot of us,” she muttered the last part under her breath.
There was a moment of silence and then Kerod's deep, throaty, laugh broke the stillness of the dwelling.
“Very well, Belle. I know not to argue with you once your mind's made up. I guess I have become rather fond of Matron Saville's cooking,” Still chuckling to himself, Kerod sat down next the fire and picked up his pipe, “Now I believe I promised you a story, come, sit down. I'll tell you all that I know,”
Kerod motioned for them to sit next to the fire as he took a long draw from his pipe. Jaina pulled together a few cushions and blankets and curled up in front of Kerod, Darwyn simply sat cross-legged on a cushion with his sword on his lap. As Kerod exhaled a pungent, spicy aroma filled the air.
“Now you had asked me about the Orinth'Alen, and if I could give you more information about it, hmm?” Kerod began, using the end of his pipe to point at Darwyn and emphasize his statements. “Well, it just so happens that one of my other duties for the Council was to study the Stone itself. It is one of the most important relics of our Order, yet we know hardly anything about it. It's an amazing thing really, but you wouldn't understand,” he paused, thoughtfully, “And there are things that the two of you need to know... I guess I should just start at the beginning...
“Three thousand years ago, the world was a very different place. Vast cities made of steel and stone covered the land and reached for the clouds. People lived everywhere and did so without the use of magic. They used 'Science' to master the Forces of Nature and created marvelous wonders, not the least of which were enormous flying machines. It was a grand age. Unfortunately, something happened.
“A war broke out, we don't know who started it. In the end it didn't matter. The war was between two of the greatest nations at the time, Galaria and Valenia. We don't have any specifics of the war, but we do know that Galaria was developing a weapon, something that had never been seen before. What happened next no one could have expected.”
“I remember that war...” Darwyn interrupted almost dreamily. “It ended with fire...”
“...Raining down from the Heavens upon the continent of Galaria. Yes, I was getting to that,” Kerod finished, indignantly biting down on the end of his pipe. “Now if you'll let me continue..”
Kerod waited for some sign of acknowledgment, when Darwyn finally muttered something like an apology into the folds of his robes, Kerod began again.
“Now where was I? Oh, yes... the End of the Old World. It was utter madness. Agaia, the Spirit of the Planet herself, appeared in the sky, across the whole planet. She shrieked of oath-breakers and warmongers, and called down fire from Heaven so exact her vengeance. Magic erupted everywhere at once, raw destructive magical energies. Millions perished at once. The meteor that Agaia had called down on Galaria, shattered the continent like glass. The Sea of Stones, far to the north, is the shattered remains of that once proud nation. The few that survived the destruction of the continent were cursed by the enraged Spirit, and are now forced to forever wander, outcast and homeless, across Agaia's violent landscape.
“Galarians! Trouble-makers, all of them!” Kerod interrupted himself to spit on the floor and then looked directly into Jaina's eye's. “Now Belle, I have asked precious little of you in these last few years, but this is important,” He was deadly serious now. His voice had none of the joyful mirth or storytelling flair it had just a moment ago. “Galarians are bad news, if one ever crosses your path, leave quickly. They will act nice and proper, most of the time, but they are soulless and desperate and will stop at nothing to undo this curse of their's. Promise me.”
“Of course, Monseigneur, I promise but...” Jaina replied, but Kerod quickly interrupted her.
“Tut, I'm sorry, Belle, but I can't explain. Now where was I, again?” Kerod, absentmindedly, took another long pull on his pipe. Filling the air anew with the earthy, spicy, aroma of the pipe tobacco. “Hmm...yes, that was it. The Dark Age. The return of magic and Agaia's rage, decimated the population. Million upon millions of people died, cities were destroyed, nations fell. Humanity was scattered to the winds and left to fend for itself. As if this wasn't enough, the land itself turned hostile. Trees attacked those survivors that sought shelter in the forests, rocks would hurl themselves at those who fled to the mountains. The deserts would swallow whole villages in the night. Even the beasts of the wild became fiercer and more violent. It was a dark time, indeed. Yet, even then when Agaia's rage was at it's rawest and freshest, there were spirits strong enough to resist her commands and wise enough to see that the future lay within humanity. These spirits, ancient and powerful like the Orinth'Alen, sheltered and protected what was left of humanity. They allowed communities to reform and civilization to rebuild itself in this hostile environment.
“This brings us to the Orinth'Alen itself, almost fifteen hundred years later. It is an ancient spirit that has long shepherded and taught humanity. The village of Orinth'alen is one of the oldest settlements on the continent, as the Stone has always provided a safe environment for humans. It was here that a young man, named Orinthalus, was born and raised. He lived in this very village for fifteen years before hearing the Call. Orinthalus never wrote about this first experience, so all we have to go on are second-hand accounts and legends which are obviously embellished. However, most of the stories agree that one day Orinthalus simply got up and left the village and disappeared into the forest. He brought nothing with him except the clothes on his back. For a month he was missing, the villagers combed the forest, examined the enormous stone in the forest. They searched out from the village, as far as it was safe. The land surrounding the village was still hostile, even if the forest wasn't. No trace of Orinthalus was found. They had given up the search and simply assumed that he had wandered out of the forest and was killed by something out there. They were wrong.
“Orinthalus returned a month later. He walked out from the forest and directly up to the village square. He was dressed in the exact same clothes he had been when he left, yet he seemed larger, different somehow. People noticed his eyes had gone from a deep brown, to a sickly milky white. He had been blinded. Yet he walked, without falter and unaided, straight to top of the mound at the center of the village square. People had noticed his strange appearance and demeanor and had gathered around him, by the time he reached the top of the mound most of the village was crowded around the base, eagerly waiting to see what would happen next. Orinthalus raised his hands and the clamoring crowd hushed instantly. He then softly cleared his throat and began his first speech as Magi of Agaia:
Welcome all, I come bearing a message from our Patron, the Stone.
It wishes to thank those who live in it's shadow and give it Purpose.
It also wishes to lead Humanity back to the glory of our Destiny.
To this end, It has called me, Orinthalus, to be Its servant and messenger.
It has taught me to See, to Command, and to Control the very essence of reality.
I do not say these things to frighten or intimidate people to my service.
I am the ultimate servant, I exist to protect and shepherd humanity.
I call all those who would serve, those brave enough to See,
Strong enough to Command, and Humble enough to Control.
Come with me so we may teach the world and return humanity to
Our Rightful Destiny!
“Orinthalus did many great things after this. He was the worlds first Magi. He traversed the continent searching for those that would understand his lessons and bring his teachings to the world. In the end he found only nine students capable of mastering the essentials of magic. These nine were the founders of the Nine Houses of House Magic. It is through these Houses that magic was taught to the world at large. Humanity was finally able to fight back against the environment. Tracts of land were tamed and cities began to grow...”
The room was filled with what sounded like a snapping twig, only multiplied a hundred times. All three jumped to their feet, startled by the sudden deafening sound.
“One of my 'devices' outside. It let's me know if people are coming,” Kerod said as he turned to Darwyn. “It came from over on the eastern side of the rock. About a hundred paces out,”
Darwyn simply nodded. He still didn't trust Kerod, he didn't want to leave them alone. He wasn't afraid for Jaina's safety, but he knew that Kerod didn't trust Darwyn either. This could just be a diversion to get rid of him.
If the sound was real, however, who or what could it be?
************** **************** ****************** **************** ************* ***
Alright Ifians here you go, what do you think Darwyn should do?
And what do you think the sound should be?
The poll will be about Darwyn's choice, but I am taking suggestions for what the sound could be (I already have an idea but maybe {probably}, you guy's can think of a better idea.)?
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Last edited by Fats_Masterson on Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:10 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 3:02 am Post subject: |
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Nicely written, FM! I enjoyed the development of the relationships between the three characters.
The Orinth'Alen has already given up its protection over Jaina and delegated protection of Jaina to Darwyn. Darwyn may not want to leave Jaina's side, then.
We are still no wiser about the Blood Clan, who the Orinth'Alen has told her to beware. Are these the Galarians the Wolf Snakes that had previously attacked Jaina and Kerod?
Whoever they were, I believe it is these wolf snakes who are again approaching.
I think Darwyn should stick with both Jaina and Kerod, and find out everything Kerod knows about these beasts, and of course, the Blood Clan. I have a feeling the two groups are related...
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:53 am Post subject: |
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| There is movement in the woods, What does Darwyn do? |
| Leave Kerod and Jaina in the safe-house and investigate alone. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Stay in the safe-house with the others and hope they don't get discovered. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Stick with Jaina and see if Kerod can find out more about the invaders. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Take everyone out to investigate the strange sound. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Take Kerod with him to investigate the sound. |
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66% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crunchyfrog, Cyberworm, Lilith, NeverNeverGirl |
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