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CunningFox
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 Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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NOw this is what scifi is all about! Great story Dark! Love it.
I say he lies to Ice, says he has someone and is bringing them in.
*Adds to favourites*
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Rune
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| Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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The rules are about questionable content having a warning. The title itself contained the content that was questionable. There was no way for me to be warned that I'd be reading profanity. I just checked to see which storygames were new and saw 'blah blah blah beep'.
I didn't want to see that and don't want to see that. As there is no immediately convenient means to advertise that a title is inappropriate then I imagine that it falls under the same rules as having a story that is of the same ilk.
Call it what you want Dark and Night, I didn't visit the thread out of curiosity-but to get the name changed. I haven't nor do I intend on reading any chapters posted.
I'm sure that titling a story around sex organs, sexual acts and concepts straight out of a Sade journal would warrant there being an issue. This follows the same train of thought.
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 Just another statistic now. I'd always hoped you could be more. Haven't seen you in years. Now, only in my tears- Unseen and restless.
People come and go. But hope, they'll never know- that I had for you and have still for those whom we held close.
I'll see you in my thoughts and dreams.
Try not worry for you- unseen. A child I knew you then- Now amongst the dead spirits of men.
Live on little boy.
My hopeless joy.
I'll hang on if you linger.
Rest your spirit with me.
One friend down. Goodbye Christian.
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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The Dark
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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The Dark appreciates the comments, except for Rune's, which is ignored, and they will certainly be considered for the next installment. However, what will Gloom say to Ice on the radio?
The Dark shall wait until next week, when a poll shall be raised.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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He could mumble something apologetic, or boldly offer results within little time.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 5:22 am Post subject: |
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Mmm, another filthy chapter. I like it.
He should lie to Ice. Say he's onto someone and will bring them in soon. Then go out and get a sucker to frame.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 5:33 am Post subject: |
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He could say "We've got a situation. My informant just got dead." That explains everything and nothing.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Alright! woot!
i agree with Lordy that it seems to obvious for gloom to be The Dark. i would be sorely disappointed with that...
He needs to get dressed and pretend he has stumbled onto his friends murder. Can he remember anything after the club? or not.. maybe the gads slipped him something..
i assumed the Dark didnt visit the upper levels as the lower were better to avoid scrutiny... so if he got up there he must be someone with standing.. actually do we know for sure its a guy?
gah am fallig asleep have fun Darky you have this business down pat..
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Cool chappy Mr. Dark! Really cool the way this is progressing.
I wonder if you realize all the opportunities that you created here? these are my takes on what could be happening. each includes a different response to boss.
1) It was Gloom that was acting as the Dark. He needs to find his jekyll/hyde persona and embrace and unleash the Dark side, or rid himself of it. he could tell his boss the truth, that it is him, but in a sarcastic way that works into, a type of, what do you expect miracles from me attitude and buy himself some more time.
2) It could be an elaborate set up. really elaborate. like the perp knew that gloom would be called in, and he knows gloom's MO so well that he got the crush tampered with, which caused him to sleep forever, and then killed whatsername while gloom slept it off. trying to frame him or slowly kill off all the lays that gloom has. for this path, i think that gloom would just have to tell the chief that he has a real strong lead, but he needs one more day to make the collar, as the chap is very elusive.
3) Tell his boss that it was farthing, lay a quick an easy out for himself, and then set back and see if he (gloom) kills again, maybe while while with that teen that owes him for his assistance in preventing her fathers death.
anyhow, keep up the good work Dark.
oh, and to see how likely it was that it was him, just check the hands and under the nails for blood or flesh. sure they have cool equipment for doing that crap in the future that is way better than anything we got now.
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without the threat of death,
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The Dark
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| Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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Very well, you may vote.
The Dark would like to reasure those who commented not to worry about the obvious, not all is at it seems, despite what initially may follow in the next chapter.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 1:47 am Post subject: |
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[color=black]
This tale contains extreme scenes and adult language, and will not be suitable for the square, young, squeamish, or the mentally retarded.
Chapter 4. Prime.
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Last edited by The Dark on Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:16 am; edited 1 time in total
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 2:23 am Post subject: |
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very satisfying read there, dark. but the dp? holy crap! Anything a man could desire waiting to be asked for.
honestly though? I say nothing but a favor after he delivers the perp to him. Gloom is too good to want to show any urge to take assistance from someone else, no matter who it is or how much money they have.
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If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
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without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 2:50 am Post subject: |
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Good chapter.
Maybe he needs someone to watch his back, so that whatever happened in Melissa's house doesn't happen again; ask for one of those bodyguards to accompany Gloom. Or someone who can figure out how the murderer got into Melissa's house. Or maybe he could ask this rich man to clear him from the murder of Melissa.
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: |
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I think he'll get more kudos by asking for something that will help his case. I don't think he'd want a body guard along though, it'd cramp his style.
Mmm. Maybe get Ice of his back a bit? Give him some more time.
An interesting chapter Dark.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 5:42 am Post subject: |
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I've just thwacked three Bobs in the same post by D-Lotus 
A good chapter there Dark. DP - I suggest he gets something hi-tech for himself, or access to somewhere where he could get more information and find the guy who attacked Dymond.
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Lilith
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:57 am Post subject: |
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Expanding on Cy's suggestion a bit.. how about Prime's best computer techie at Gloom's fingertips.... and interpret that however you like....  
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The Dark
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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Any others? The Dark shall create a poll soon. Very soon.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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| A good chapter there, Dark. I was thinking of using the bodyguards, but not to protect him 24/7. Rather use them as private backup, on call, when he needs them. His own bunch of louts that he doesn't have to get clearance from Ice to call upon.
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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hmmm zephs right in a way.. a favour to call in might be the way to go.
yet my first thought was 'access to all the security systems in the city' there must be someoen with an accesss panel that can get into everything anywhere...
GOOD JOB DARKY my nightmare friend!
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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If he goes for the tech help, they could probably give himaccess when he needs it. So voted for htat.
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Crossfire
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 3:17 am Post subject: |
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Crossfire surveys a corrupt, grim and desolate world, then focuses on a shadowed behemoth of concrete and steel, fading there with a thought. "I think I'll like it here...", it says, and its voice is no voice, but an infinity of resonating echoes, reverberating in precise unison into the darkness. It turns fluidly, trailing tendrils of swirling grey mist, then vanishes between one moment and the next.
This is proving to be an excellent story. It is definitely worthy of my attention and the few flaws within it merely accentuate the mastery shown in the rest of the piece. I look forward to the next installation and am liking you more by the second, not the least for your casual dismissal of Rune.
Have Detective Gloom ask for access to the City computer systems. All of them. By the way you're structuring the place, I'm guessing everything's networked, and if you can get access to the main network hub, you'll get access to all the information you need, plus enough extra to supplant your income quite nicely.
If possible, ask for more. This creature is one of the most powerful men in the entire sector and when he offers you help, take him for everything he's got. This is his daughter and she's a chink in his armor.
Lastly, since you didn't...
Crossfire surveys the area, piercing the seeming emptiness with a gaze that encompasses eternity. It speaks, its myriad voices resonating with unparalleled power. "The poll is now up. Speak your mind and suffer the chosen consequence of your action."
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 3:38 am Post subject: |
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I nearly missed the poll here. I voted for more time, as I think that's what he needs just now.
And tied it. 
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:45 am Post subject: |
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| clear his name for millissa's murder. Great chapter there darky. greusome discription about her mutalation, but none the less good chappy.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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Bad Girl... you're supposed to vote...
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:51 pm Post subject: |
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It seems we have a tie. Would anyone like to break it? Else The Dark will step in and do so.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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By the way, Badgirl, considering you are nine years old, I don't think you should be reading this story. I believe this story is for audiences older than you.
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The Dark
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 5:01 am Post subject: |
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This tale contains extreme scenes and adult language, and will not be suitable for the square, young, sad or mentally feeble or .
[color=black]
Chapter 5. New Friends.
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Last edited by The Dark on Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:16 am; edited 2 times in total
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 5:21 am Post subject: |
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Hah. Good chapter. I assume the DP is what he does next?
One thing I spotted...
| Quote: | | “Just remain quite please,” came the reply. |
I assume you mean quiet.
Mmm. I suggest he has a shower, gets some more clothes, and then tries to find Farthing again. Going back to the drug house would be a mistake at this point perhaps.
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 5:34 am Post subject: |
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Nice. so, shower first, and in the meantime, get the sultry AI chick to do some snooping about. maybe get her to look into evidence that was found at the scene of Melissa's murder. Maybe some new clues showed up, like the murderers dna. That could give him a lead to follow if he is being set up. maybe look into prime's daughters spending habits too, see if there are any places that she goes to a lot that she perhaps shouldn't be.
Good chappy Dark.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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| Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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Let's not forget to hack into the high level police computers and find out who those guys that attacked him are. Maybe they are up to something and Gloom can find a clue; in any case, knowing their names is a good strategy if he is planning on effectuating revenge.
By the way, I noticed you started calling him Gavin and then Gloom alternatively. This was slightly confusing to me, maybe because you didn't do that in the previous chapters. Or maybe I'm just suffering from lack of sleep.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Lilith
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The Dark
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| Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 5:24 am Post subject: |
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Very well. The Dark shall do this vote thing if no one else has any input.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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Great read there Dark. I thoroughly enjoyed it. 
I think that the AI chick should be talked into doing some things that are not appropriate. 
But I don't mean what Lil' suggested!  Pervert
Maybe he could try and persuade her to access some top secret files or give him access to high-level areas that are usually not available to him and he could have great use if he could get some info from above.
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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The Dark
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| Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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The Dark has added a poll. The AI can probably do all of these, but Gloom shall follow the winner of the vote.
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Player of Fates
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| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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I've tipped the polls. I love this story. The right amount of violence, foul language and perverseness to make me read more and get sick to my stomach doing it.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:12 pm Post subject: |
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Just caught up on this one - don't think my vote will change things much the way it's going! Still a good story that has me hooked.
BTW, the warnings should be clean, as they are there to warn of strong language etc. that follow. Would appreciate it if you could make an edit to the warning at the top of your chapter.
Thanks...
CF
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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| What soup do you recommend? |
| Run. Plain and simple. Get the AI to find a safe place nearby. |
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27% |
[ 3 ] |
| Grab the waitress, use the AI to cause a distraction and get out. |
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63% |
[ 7 ] |
| Grab the waitress, tell her to take him somewhere private. |
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9% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 11 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crossfire, Crunchyfrog, CunningFox, Cyberworm, D-Lotus, Mastermind, Mattheus, Mephistopheles, The Dark |
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