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Chinaren
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 Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:28 am Post subject: Avarice - chapter 17. Forest of Stone. |
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Last edited by Chinaren on Sat May 31, 2008 5:03 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:27 am Post subject: |
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good chapter china.
Smur has that voice to call upon. I say that he suggest everyone go where the necromancer is. Then, once he gets an idea of how things are, he can put the end move into play, or maybe find another way out
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If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
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without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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Indeed, it was worth it. Let's see... We don't really know if they have the necromancer, so leading them to see him could be an argument. Maybe Smur's suit has a secret pocket that only the devils know about, and Smith can put a small firestick or a blade in it?
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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Try asking for advice from his future self. If his future self appears to have gone mute, then use the "Oh look it's behind you!" trick on Randolf and run for it, hopefully finding his daughter and the "captain"
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Smur thought that sounded a good idea. |
missing a 'like'
| Quote: | | The guard, Wills Smith had called him |
Was this done on purpose? I noticed two or three other small errors; take another look in order to correct them.
As for the 'voices' in his head, I am rather disappointed. I mean, it's alright for the author to set up the story for the ending, but this is preposterous! Don't be so blatant in your implications!
As for the DP, if Rendolf has captured the necromancer, Smur is dead meat. Of course, Smur could claim what his voice told him, that he himself has the powers of a necromancer. He could prove this by performing a small piece of magic (which he manages to pull off because he has been sufficiently affected by the Blue).
Otherwise, Smur could snatch a firestick from Wills and shoot Rendolf, therefore initiating the conflict without a chance for negotiation. Hopefully, if the other tribesmen see that their leader is dead, they will be submissive to Smur and they won't kill the necromancer.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 2:48 am Post subject: |
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| The devils didn't give Smur the gloves, did they? That means he's unarmed. But Rendolf does have Draggon and Alice, and he'll want to see his daughter. Smur should urge the swap, but he and Smith should insist that they see all three of them first.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry D, I was in a little bit of a rush when I posted this, and didn't give it the going over I usually do with my stories. I'll sit down at some point and work on the small errors.
As for:
| Quote: | | As for the 'voices' in his head, I am rather disappointed. I mean, it's alright for the author to set up the story for the ending, but this is preposterous! Don't be so blatant in your implications! |
Who says that these are at the end? I was actually considering doing the Smur future voice in this chapter.
The thing is, an element of time travel has crept into this story, and I'm discovering it's quite hard to manage. The stuff I've put so far was not planned before hand, and now I am trying to give myself opportunities for future stuff. It's not easy though!  Your comments are valuable, and we appreciate your patience. You are four hundred and ninth in the queue...
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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About time this one had a new chapter. Now how about another one of Rise of Shadows?
This is tricky. Maybe he should run, he could lose them in the gloom I think, maybe get the spirit to guide him. Heh.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:41 pm Post subject: |
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Mmmm. Maybe it was a little un-subtle. I didn't intend to mean it to sound like the spirit had only been waiting for Smur to arrive. Now I read it again, it certainly does sound like that. I'll have to work on that in the rewrite.
Ah well, for now you get what you're given.
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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So we getting a poll or not? Your very slow these days Chinaren.
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Chinaren
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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Woot! The one I voted for is winning!
Although it does help that I'm the first voter.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:08 am Post subject: |
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ooh, how did I miss this? Glad to see the vote is still open... 
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Chinaren
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CunningFox
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| Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:29 am Post subject: |
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oh dear. Sprry I tied it again.
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Crowkiller
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| Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:00 am Post subject: |
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| Sorry haven't been around for a while but i broke the poll. Great stuff going on cant wait for the next one.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome back Crowk!
I'm hoping to start the next chapter today. However, knowing how busy I've been, I'll leave the poll open just in case.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Finally the next chapter is done. I just have to give it a quick once over and I'll post it.
Thank-you all for playing!
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| Can't see the wood for the trees... |
| Go with them, see where they are keeping the neromancer and look for an opening. |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
| Pull out a hidden blade and strike whilst arguing. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Look behind you! And run. |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
| Perform a Necromancing and put that into the equation. |
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40% |
[ 4 ] |
| Try and get a pair of gloves, and wait for the moment to strike! |
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20% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
| Who Voted: algu95, Chinaren, Crowkiller, Crunchyfrog, CunningFox, Cyberworm, LordoftheNight, Mephistopheles, The Meaning Of Fear |
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