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The Dark
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 Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:32 am Post subject: The Dark chapter 11. Shock to the System. |
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Warning! The following contains all the sins, even the new ones.
[color=black]Chapter 11. Shock to the System.
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Last edited by The Dark on Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:12 am; edited 4 times in total
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The Dark
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:39 am Post subject: |
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Your task here, readers, is to decide what Gloom says. How much and what information will he reveal to Shock? Will he try and join forces with Shock and then (assuming he is able) report it to Prime? Or will he really try and throw his lot in with Shock?
We can assume he will not be shot out of hand, or all your efforts will be wasted.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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Exciting chapter, but the decision point is a bit hopeless. I fancied the scene where The Dark was taken down; I thought you might have created one of those annoying invincible characters, but I was relieved to discover that he is vulnerable, though he may yet return to haunt Gloom.
Well, as for the DP- perhaps Gloom's only chance is to tell Shock that he was hired by Prime, but that he is willing to inform Shock about everything he knows of Prime (he can make it up if needed). Exchange info for his own life. Maybe he can even offer his services to Shock.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:34 am Post subject: |
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Aye, one mighty action scene there, Dark. Nice indeed. The grammar was pretty close to flawless, I haven't found any mistakes.
As for what he would say, he has the upper hand here. He should demand a private conversation about what the hell is going on around in that facility. He killed the Dark, or whatever it was, so he can kill Shock as well. No need to panic.
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One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:58 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberworm wrote: | | As for what he would say, he has the upper hand here. He should demand a private conversation about what the hell is going on around in that facility. He killed the Dark, or whatever it was, so he can kill Shock as well. No need to panic. |
Um, you must be joking. Shock has numerous reasons for killing Gloom at the moment, and none yet for sparing him. And Gloom can hardly do anything to Shock, faced by a myriad of guns.
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Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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Good point, D. I forgot he was shot and that already dropped the gun. *smacks forehead*
Sorry, just ignore my ramblings. But still, he could try and demand a private convo?
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Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | This Dark force manifests through those who use the Crush that’s made here |
Geez, thanks for ruining the story. I hadn't caught up with that yet.  So Gloom did kill his girlfriend... only he was possessed by The Dark.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Action packed chapter!
Zephyr's explanation makes sense to me.
Gloom has to make some case not to be 'expunged' or 'zombified'. He can offer his services perhaps, to catch the Dark, but for that he'd need information. It seems Shock knows what's going on, so try and get something out of him.
Don't mention working for the other guy unless he really has to.
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:08 am Post subject: |
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Messy agrees with chinaren- in no way is it a good idea to speak of prime's involvement to shock. besides, the AI chip, who is to say that it doesn't communicate with prime on a regular basis anyways? perhaps even it is equipped with a self destruct mode which would blow Gloom's head into hundreds of tiny bits.
However, Gloom does have the ability to show, through the surveillance vids, that it was farthing, in a different state, that killed all those people. Perhaps though, it is not the 'crush' that is affecting people, but rather a summoned spirit that invades the bodies of particularly vile people. hence the dead peeps in the board room. they were the summoners, and they lost control of their demon. Also explains the cryptic message the dark left Gloom, | Quote: | | “You’ll… be seeing… me… again soon.” |
I think that the dark has become powerful enough that he doesn't need to be summoned, he can come and go as he pleases.
Well writ chappy, Dark. i have to agree with D-lotus also: at least you didn't make him invincible.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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| I think perhaps Gloom should instruct the AI chip to contact Prime, and get Ice to track him down and have him 'arrested'. Gloom may not be in a much better position in police custody, and he has no evidence for having encountered The Dark. He may even be accused of the massacre. However, it would give a chance to open up an investigation into Shock's empire, and sow the seeds for getting the police behind him again in the long run.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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Great chapter, Dark. I'd say Gloom was pretty screwed if he wasn't a character in a fiction story.
I have no suggestions, I'm just waiting for the poll now...
*Holds Breath* 
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Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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Just noticed a chapter heading anomaly - Thread header says 'Shock to the System' - but in the post it is headed 'Dark Times'.
Do I get a prize? 
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The Dark
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 4:06 am Post subject: |
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| Crunchyfrog wrote: | Just noticed a chapter heading anomaly - Thread header says 'Shock to the System' - but in the post it is headed 'Dark Times'.
Do I get a prize? |
The Dark is sure he doesn't know what you're talking about Crunchyfrog. 
Once again, morbid readers, you have 'come up with the goods,' as they say.
Thus, The Dark presents, in a fanfare of naked dancing girls, the poll.
Revel in it. Desire it. Vote on it. It's what you want to do, and you know it.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:40 am Post subject: |
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mwahaa my suggetion is winning 
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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*dances around excitedly!*
I loved it Darky! i say again 'Marry ME!'
I loved that line.. what was it? 'out of bullets Mr. Policeman'
Oh the insanity of The Dark. i just catn tell you how much i really really enjoyed it. I actually began to hope it would get published so i could buy it.
The whole scene to me was compelling, the imagery vivid and the demise of Farthing? Well some might say it was obvious or derivative - i personally see a world of possibility there.
The Dark is NOT Farthing. He takes over the form of a willing subject and when that host dies he moves on to the next form. He is indestructible! manic insanity! Heightened senses.
(please dont let it be farthing just pumped up on drugs so much that they have evolved him... tha would be a tragic waste of a possible sequel... *is seeing bruce willis as Gloom lol*...)
Loving it!
i voted 'show him the tapes!' but my desire is that when he sees the tapes he doesnt see the Dark at all... all he sees is Farthing running around (or a faceless body) as once the Dark has exited the corpse ALL imgery/memories etc of the Dark inhabiting that body disappear...
oh the suspense!
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| Listen, I can explain. Really. |
| Prime hired me! I'll tell you everything. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| I'll need to talk somewhere a little more private. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| I can help you. I'm not working for anyone else. Honest. |
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12% |
[ 1 ] |
| Look. There's this creepy Dark fellow. I can show you the tapes... |
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25% |
[ 2 ] |
| 'Hey AI' I need you to call your boss and the Ice Bitch. Real fast. |
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62% |
[ 5 ] |
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| Total Votes : 8 |
| Who Voted: Chinaren, Crunchyfrog, Cyberworm, D-Lotus, Lilith, NeverNeverGirl, The Dark |
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