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Idea master
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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject: Soul Guidance - Chapter one - And then you die. |
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Here is one, count it, one new story from an old hand. I do hope you like it.
Soul Guidance
Chapter One - And then you die.
Life, Zack thought, sucked.
He had good reason to be thinking this, as he had been a decent 20-year old artist. He didn't do anything major, just a few sketches here and there, but it paid the bills. And he died really stupidly as well. The fumes from his open paint cans had overwhelmed his brain. Unable to move, he simply collapsed, his head falling into his kitchen sink, drowning slowly.
If I had closed those cans, this wouldn't have happened.
"Actually," a voice said from behind the now-spirit Zack, "It would have happened sooner or later. You're just lucky it happened now, because your neighbor will find your body in two hours, close the cans, and claim you were so tired you just fell asleep and drowned. It will save your reputation."
Zack whirled around to see a large set of black robes and scythe behind him. "Um, the Reaper, Death, so on, yes? I suppose that you're here to take me away?" Zack was surprised he could speak, seeing as he was dead and could put his hand through his own body and all.
"Correct. I come for those who are undecided and take them to Judgment. You are unlike any other soul I have taken before, though. We shall see what Judgment makes of you."
Before Zack could raise any protests, he was standing before a podium so high he couldn't see the person who was actually sitting at it. Around him was gray clouds, and from atop the podium was a slight glow, as though the person there had a lamp or several on.
"Name?" Zack heard someone inquire.
"Um...Zachery Van Harris."
"Hmm...Oh my, that is different. Oh well." The voice sighed. "Wait there please, young man."
Zack obediently did as he was told. After a while, though, he started to fidget, being uncomfortable standing for so long. Finally, he sat down and waited for whatever was supposed to happen.
"Young man?"
Zack stood up. "Yessir?"
"Due to certain mitigating circumstances, we cannot place you in any of the areas we have available. However, Angel Wendy will help you until you find your place."
With a whoosh of displaced air, a woman with wings landed next to Zack. She appeared to be five and a half feet tall, with long black hair, clear blue eyes, a fair complexion, and-
NO. She's an Angel and won't touch you. So stop that line right now, brain. Zack mentally punched himself for thinking that way. Meanwhile, the Angel spoke to him.
"I've heard there was a bit of a problem, so I'm here to help. I've been assigned to cases such as yours. Let's head back to Earth and I'll tell you what the problem is."
"How are we going to-" Zack started, before realizing that the scenery around them had changed, and they were back in Zack's apartment. The Angel walked over to Zack's body and studied it.
"Ooh, not a nice way to go. Drowned after getting high off of paint. Still, better than some." She stood up and walked towards Zack's living room, if it could be called such, and cleared the couch off, motioning that Zack should join her.
"So. Where to start..." She was obviously having difficulty choosing a place to begin her tale.
"Well," Zack said, "I doubt I need to hear all the way back to 'In the Beginning' or even the Crucification story. Why not tell me why I can't be placed?"
Wendy nodded. "Well, how about I put it like this? After Christ's time on Earth, God saw the virtue of taking mortal souls and turning them into those of Angels. That way, when someone died, they'd be an Angel, and thus swell our ranks. Hell gains new souls daily and morphs them into Demons, but we nurture, love, and care for mortals and turn them into Angels while they're still alive. The process is slow enough that they don't notice it until they're dead and find wings sprouting out of their back."
Zack nodded. Seemed simple enough. "But I notice I don't. More to the story, I assume?"
Wendy nodded again. "Yup. Sometimes, very rarely, someone will notice that they are an Angel, and use their developing powers to bless people while they're still alive. You were the friend of one such Angel, and he asked for salvation for all of his friends, no matter the cost to himself. Normally, you would have gone straight down, but due to the Angel's blessing, Hell has no hold on you. Neither will Purgatory. And Heaven won't take you, even though it should."
Zack held his head in his hands. "What do I do, then? What can I do?"
Wendy placed one hand on his shoulder. "Shh. The Angel in question has a mission coming up. Hell is up to something, but we're not sure what. As such, we're sending him out on reconnaissance, and we'd like you to go with him. If either of you learn anything interesting, we'll consider your situation more."
Zack looked up at Wendy. "Where is he, then?"
Wendy picked up a whistle that seemed to be made of pure crystal and blew a note. Afterwards, she let it go, and Zack almost reached out to catch it, before seeing it hit her chest. Necklace, he thought.
In another second, a flash of light filled the room, and another Angel appeared. This time, it was an old face, a friend of his in high school.
"Percy!"
Percy broke out in a grin. "Zack!"
The two hugged each other and then just as quickly let go. "Man, I'm glad to see you. Sad you're dead, but glad to see you."
Zack looked at Percy's impressive wings. "I never pegged you as an Angel, so it's a surprise to me."
"Yeah, never really hit me either, not until after I moved." Percy looked at Wendy. "Ahem. You called?"
Wendy grinned a bit. "Yes. You need to sweep Hell, find any particularly interesting information relating to any surface activities. You'll be taking your friend with you as well. So long as he holds on to his feather that you granted him-"
"Feather?" Zack was, once again, confused. "I don't feel any feather." He roamed his body with his hands, feeling nothing out of place. Percy, however, grinned and reached behind Zack, making a sharp plucking motion. With a twirl, Percy held up a feather fully a foot in length. Then, with a sharp pat, he placed it on Zack's right forearm. Zack watched as it melted into his skin.
"Just be warned, any soul can do that. And whoever holds the feather is immune to Hell's effects and its hold. If you lose it, you cannot get back, because that is the manifestation of Percy's blessings."
Zack looked closer at Percy's wings and noticed that there did, in fact, seem to be some feathers missing. "Will you ever grow them back?"
Percy smiled slightly. "For every friend that enters Heaven, I get that feather back."
So Percy had a personal stake in this as well. "Thank you, Miss Wendy."
Wendy patted Zack on the shoulder. "Wendy will do. Now I do believe that there is another case that requires my attention. Please, do take care you two."
And with that, Wendy was gone. Percy and Zack looked at each other. "Well," Zack started, "Where in Hell should we start?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I return! I live!
Zack doesn't, though. And if he's to get into Heaven, then he has to know where to go! Which is where you lot come in!
Hell, traditionally, has nine levels. I'm sticking with that. Nine layers of the Pit to search...but which one houses the worst Demons? Something is going on, and it's up to them to find out what.
And, of course, all suggestions, questions, and comments are welcome, along with corrections. No bribes this time, though. And Lordy, you aren't in this one. Sorry.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
_________________
...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
Last edited by Idea master on Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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What a great start! I'm really liking the whole idea of this.
Hmm. Where do you start to look for Hell Trouble? The obvious funny answer is to question some Hell's Angels, who might as well be the gossipy go-between of the spiritual world. Dead, purgatory-dwelling Hell's Angels, anyway. Perhaps one who repented on his death bed (or her death bed) and therefore is trying to score extra brownie points with the "good guys" and get into Heaven.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting start IM, though I felt it was a little rushed.
Anyway, start at level 1 of course! 
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Where do they keep the outcats demons who think that worshipping God i right? I'd go there.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:08 am Post subject: |
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Start at the highest level, (the least hellish) and work your way down.
Agree that this was a little rushed, maybe in the next chapter you could flesh out the characters a little more, and what this task means to them.
Welcome back, IM!
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Traveller
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| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree that the first level of Hell seems to be the optimal starting point...For some reason, I got a picture in my head that this first level is an office and is run by some very beuricratic demons...kinda made me chuckle to myself...It would be fun to see each level of Hell get more and more Evil...looking forward to the next chapter
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Idea master
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:36 am Post subject: |
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Unless someone speaks up, and speaks up soon, then I'll write the next chapter, featuring level one of Hell, sometime this week.
Until then, you are all allowed to ponder as to what it'll be.
_________________
...So I've been summoned back from beyond the veil.
...No plans yet.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:18 am Post subject: |
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It seems like we're all liking the idea of levels of Hell becoming progressively more evil, although I DO recall making a different suggestion regarding Limbo earlier on..
in any case, what about a poll so we can vote on what the first level of Hell entails?
Law offices? The post office? A really long line at a grocery store? A dirty bar somewhere? A bathroom with no toilet paper... oo.. SO many evil possibilities!
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Idea master
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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The wild poll has been located and is even now unaware of our presence. Get your tranquilizer-dart of voting ready, as it prepares to move on soon...
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...No plans yet.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I voted for the forms, I just don't think they necessarily have to be tax forms (although they are Hell...just for fun next year, do your taxes in Roman Numerals!!) Just have them be a beuricratic nightmare to get in...sign here...initial here...and here...and here...
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Idea master
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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Welp, looks like Lawyers and Microsoft wins. I'll get to writing real soon.
Which means it'll actually be three days before I actually do anything.
I'm evil like that.
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...No plans yet.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:45 am Post subject: |
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Hey, I liked this story. Like another reader wrote, it seemed a little rushed. Also--how did he die from the paint cans? Isn't that basically impossible unless he was sniffing them for many minutes or something? It's not like carbon monoxide in the garage because there's no continual pumping of vapors that will ultimately fill the area. I don't know, it was just something that stuck out.
But keep writing. I'll be looking forward to more!
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I think you should have kept continuing with giving the Reaper's spoken words in bold. It reminded me of Terry Pratchett--every time Death would enter his story HE WOULD TALK LIKE THIS AND IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY AND HILARIOUS AND SHOWED THAT HE MEANT BUSINESS. Aww I love the Pratch.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:10 am Post subject: |
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Hey that was a really interesting start to the story. It was a bit quick though - the pace needs to be bought back down a notch..
i know it was the set up for the entire story but you might want to look at re-working it and finessing it a bit.. to be honest i am not entirely sure how he died? and the other thing that was itching my scalp was the Angel Wendy quick explanation - maybe you missed a line about WHY the HECK Zack was automatically designated hell? and if its there already somewhere then maybe you need to clear it up?
anyways - i like the Feather saves a Friend quality of this SG and i am excited to see where you go with this...
i want to know more. more. more. more.... (as the great B.I. once sang...)
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| Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 5:10 am Post subject: |
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Wow, that was great! I really enjoyed that first chapter!
Re: Fast -- Yeah, it was a little fast, up until the converstation started. It had nice transition, though, so the speed wasn't very distracting.
Re: First level -- I'm agreed, but at the same time if hell is up to something, Heaven probably has some watch that can monitor the first level or two. It might be worth snooping around level two to see if there are [enter something like 'troop movements' here]
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| Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 2:11 am Post subject: |
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| I certainly agree that the first level of hell should be where Zack and Percy start ^^ think of Dante's Inferno (or whatever it's called). Dante and Virgil (right? or no?) were descending, unless I am incorrectly remembering, and started in the uppermost level. If you imagine Hell as a layered realm, they would HAVE to go through the first level, the surface layer, anyways. Also, I am curious of his sin ^^ I am led to believe it is lust, due to his thoughts of Wendy.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 5:05 am Post subject: |
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Are you going to continue with this at any point, IM? Or is he away at the moment?
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| Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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I like the subject. I think the speed is not a problem as long as you get around to full character development.
I agree with everyone that you should start at the top level. That level should be very wild and untamed; filled with a special kind of creatures. Maybe the first level is filled with the souls of sexual preditors that have been made into beastlike demons. They should be half human half something else.
Zack should also get some sort of guide. Perhaps a warrior angel or someother realy powerful thing that the demons are scared of. The guide should give Zack a cool weapon made by angels. That way he could easily stay safe until it is time for his strength to be tested.
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| Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:53 am Post subject: |
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| I don't know what to think about this one : /
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:13 pm Post subject: I think..... |
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I enjoy the idea behind this. The feather thing is cool, expecialy the fact that any soul can pull it off him. I'd like to meet these other friends whom his friend saved.
I've always enjoted the 9th layer of hell, kinda frosty, but the 7th is fun too.
Buuuut, if you wanna do somthing right, start at the beginning, and that for me, is HOW to get into hell! Hello, Angel, not like they's gonna roll out the welcome mat! Unless you say you're converting....
OR, it this is like WISH where Heaven and Hell are mutually inclusive, and they can hook up with a nuteral agent from hell....
But I'm over thinking it perhaps. I hope to see this continued!
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| Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 10:36 pm Post subject: Just a note |
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I just wanted to note something. Running through my D&D books, I came across something that has something to do with this story...
I remember seeing several suggestions for starting on the 1st plain of Hell, so I thought I'd throw this in. Tiamat, goddess of chaos, and Queen of Evil Dragons, is on the first plain.....
Just so ya know.
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