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ChoKiba
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 Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:03 am Post subject: Raphael Chapter One |
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Chapter One
Raphael sat in the rocking chair, a blanket over her legs. All around her, the sounds of the night were the only thing to be heard. Her guardian had gone out which meant she was stuck in the house for the night. Before, she would have just gone off and enjoyed herself. Before, her guardian would have been a little more attentive. Things were more complicated now. She had been punished. She knew that she deserved that punishment, but it didn’t’ make things any easier. It was hard to know that she had lost her sight because of the choices that she had made. And she had made those choices. It was an odd kind of miracle that she could make choices at all. By her very nature, she should not have had the ability. After all, she was an angel. Not just any kind of angel either. She was an Archangel. She was one of the chosen hierarchs of God. No one would know that by looking at her now. She looked like a young blind woman. A child to be pitied really. Not that she would ever want or desire such pity. That had never been in her nature. Nor had hate or violence. It was why she had been able to accept her punishment with grace. That didn’t make it any easier. It just made her unchangeable in that right. She would never be able to fight. She would never be able to strike out in anger as sometimes, she might wish to.
The book in her lap slipped to the floor as she realized that she had been sleeping. She jerked awake. She was one of the few angels that such a thing would ever happen to. The others were angels who had recently died. She was not technically in that category. After all, she was older than time itself. No, she was the way she was because she lived in a human body. Not an occupied shell like her brothers and sisters did. She lived in a real human body. One that she had been born to. One that she could, for the most part, manipulate. She could make it stop aging as she pleased. What she couldn’t do was regain her vision. When one is punished by God himself, there is little that can be done to undo such a punishment. Even considering trying to undo it is a bad thing. That wasn’t why she didn’t consider it though. She didn’t consider it because she knew she deserved it. At least, in her mind she deserved it. And many of the angels would gladly agree with her. A fact that broke her heart. She didn’t want their hate, but she had gained the hate of so many. And there was no way that she could ever regain their trust and love.
Rapha, as she was known now in this form, leaned down and reached to try and find the book. She was hoping that her fingers would brush it as she reached out around her. There was nothing though. A frown formed on her face. She usually didn’t frown, but in this case, it seemed fitting. The book couldn’t have gotten that far away could it? And she knew quite well that she could not be going crazy. Well at least, not in that particular way. She could very well be qualified as insane in some other ways though. There was a reason that she never went to see doctors of any kind. For the most part she didn’t need them. Despite the fact that she could not heal herself, it was very rare that Rapha was ever under the need to be healed. She was non-violent in every fashion. She did not hate. She did not fight. She could not. The thought of Rapha ever taking up a weapon was absurd to those who knew her. Even though she had defied what everyone had believed was beyond defiance, there were some things that could not be changed. At least, they hoped that was the case. Rapha knew it was though she could not seem to convince any but a few of that fact.
She leaned back in the chair and considered what to do next. Her book could not have just disappeared. It wasn’t possible by an stretch of the mind. That meant that either she wasn’t looking in the right place or someone else was there. “Hello?” she asked cocking her head to the side curious.
“I believe this is yours,” a man voice said taking her hand and setting the book back in it. “I’m sorry we disturbed you but I’m Special Agent Gregori Whitely and this is my partner Special Agent Jacob Hunter. We’re here to take you home Grace. You’re safe now.” His voice was gentle and didn’t change pitch or tone the whole time he spoke.
Rapha smiled at the man (or where she thought he was standing) with a gentle benevolent smile. “I’m sorry, but I believe you have the wrong person. My name is Rapha Sultan.”
One of the man sighed. “Actually, your name is Grace Lawson. You’re seventeen years old and you’ve been living with a cult for the past thirteen years. But we’re here to take you away.” She was shaking her head even before the second man, Agent Hunter, had finished speaking.
She took a firm hold of the chair’s arms and stood up slowly to face the two men, pulling the blanket up with her and pulling it around her shoulders. Her feet were planted a little ways apart so that she wouldn’t lose her balance. “You gentleman have the wrong person. Now I will ask you to please leave.”
“You can come with us willingly or we can carry you, but we are getting you out of here Miss Lawson. We have our orders,” Special Agent Hunter said with a growl in his voice.
The door to the house banged open and Raphael turned with a sigh of relief. Her guardian would drive away these poor delusioned humans. “Step away from Lady Raphael,” Henry ordered.
Rapha turned and began to move towards him only to have someone grab her arm. “You still have a choice,” Special Agent Whitely urged.
And yeah, I had started this a while back and then I got an idea for a lovely twist and so I decided to finish off the first chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
Last edited by ChoKiba on Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. This is a really interesting premise. I have no idea where it might head, and I kinda like that. The identity question makes for a good hook, though it makes DPs a bit hard.
Well, since Rapha won't fight- and wouldn't want to go with the agents- I'll say that she should try and break free from his grip, and then try and find someplace removed from the battle.
I think the agents and the guardian will be fighting for her- might as well let them have their fun. Whoever wins will earn the right to take her away. I think she'd go with the agents if they won, but she's not going to do it willingly. She thinks them to be wrong.
_________________
 
Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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That was interesting. The style of the storytelling dragged me in, and the twist at the end... it was a little abrupt but nonetheless intriguing. Now I don't know whether Rapha is really an angel, insane, or a deluded girl. It's also quite cool that the way you write the story, bereft of almost any description, coincides with the fact that Rapha is blind. Thus the reader is placed in her position-- my eyes are taken away except for her thoughts, movements, and the sounds she hears.
She feels like she deserves her punishment. She wouldn't want to be rescued by these agents.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:44 am Post subject: |
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A truly unexpected twist, and a good chapter.
Some interesting questions left unanswered - how she was blinded, and what the choice was that she made to bring this upon herself - and why the other 'angels' hate her, when she seems to be incapable of hate herself.
The way that she is, I do not think that she'll even attempt to escape the agents, and if she is truly brainwashed, she may place her trust in her guardian to protect her. Trouble is, he's outnumbered, so that's unlikely to work.
But perhaps she might pick up on the fact that the two agents are at odds with one another. Hunter says they're going to carry her out whether she likes it or not. Whitely still says she has a choice. Is the mismatch of intentions genuine? Or is Whitely trying to think on his feet, and is looking for ways to persuade her?
Whichever way, it is a weakness which a non-violent person might look to exploit as her only means of defence. Staying in character I'd say she chooses to stay where she is, and see how Whitely and Hunter react.
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for reading guys. There are some interesting ideas here. It should be fun to see what direction the story ends up taking when I put the poll up and we get the results in.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:20 am Post subject: |
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Very interesting first chapter, and I agree with the others, a great twist! 
I don't know which outcome I would rather. I think I will go with staying where she is. I am intrigued to find out more about this guardian.
Looking forward to chapter two!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:25 am Post subject: |
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Alright, the poll is up! Great feed back guys! I really appreciate it! 
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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Alright guys! Chapter Two should be up within the next few days depending on how much school work I get pounded with
_________________
CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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| What should Raphael do? |
| Try to break away from the agents |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Find a way to stay and not be rescued |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Stay where she is and see what the agents do |
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100% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
| Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Shillelagh, Tikanni Corazon |
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