 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:32 am Post subject: Chapter edit, snagging an EA |
 |
|
The next chapter is coming up soon, but I wanted to mention an important change I've made to the previous chapter. While re-reading the chapter, I noticed that I neglected to mention that John acquired another EA before going to the memory banks. I'm sure everyone noticed that he has an EA now, but I didn't tell you how he got it, so I thought I would clear that up. I added this line to the chapter:
| Quote: | | On my way [to the memory banks], I secure another EA pistol. |
To the point, right? He's a security officer, he has access to tons of guns. After the spooky encounter with Milo Jones, he felt the need to get a gun again. Maybe it's a small point, but I prefer to be thorough with SG's like these.
Oh, and here's the DP results:
John tries to defeat the robot by:
Hiding and waiting for backup [ 1 ]
Changing his appearance to confuse the robot [ 1 ]
Throwing something high, hoping to distract or electrocute it [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 5
Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, LordoftheNight, PopeAlessandrosXVIII, Thunderbird, Vishal Muralidharan
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Chapter |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:51 am Post subject: Chapter 11: Father and Son |
|
|
Chapter 11: Father and Son
The worst thing about robots is the perfectly logical way they betray you. Victor experienced this betrayal first hand when he was killed by a robot that was intended to keep him safe at all costs. One little malfunction, a misplaced profile, turns a little confusion into a murder with laser precision. I don’t know what happened to this unregistered robot to make it decide to give me the same treatment, but its timing is so perfect for an ambush I have to assume it was decided just as logically as ever. It doesn’t even have the decency to hate me or want me dead, really, it just does what it is programmed to do.
In the short time I have before the robot steps forward and begins the standoff again, I check the system database to see if my profile is missing like Victor Clemens’ was. I’m surprised to find this is not the case. I open a communication to the bridge while I’m fiddling with the communicator and say I’ve found the rogue robot in the memory banks. They naturally reply that they’re sending people to help right away, but I know there won’t be enough time. I leave the communication open so they can hear what’s happening, and so what may be my last words will be recorded. I have one chance at taking the robot out and if it doesn’t work there will be another mystery to solve and one less person left to solve it.
Robots are remarkably fast and accurate and in their actions, but they’re not much smarter than monkeys. Maybe it’s a cheap trick, but if it works, I’ll take it. I take off my gloves and toss them around the corner as a distraction. I throw them over his head in the hope that he shoots them and causes something from the ceiling to cause him some damage. I immediately whip my pistol around the corner to take blind shots at the robot. I get one shot off before the EA is ripped from my hands by the force of another shot from the robot. The robot ignored the gloves and targeted my EA in 0.091 seconds. I was lucky to get even one shot, and when the robot steps into view, it’s clear that I missed.
I raise my hands in surrender while slowly stepping back. I don’t know why it hasn’t already killed me.
“My Father tells me to tell you we’re sorry,” the robot says in the typical synthesized robotic voice.
“Sorry to break it to you, but robots don’t have fathers,” I say.
“I am not a robot. I am a person. I must protect my Father.”
“And how do you do that?” I ask, hoping to keep him talking just a little longer.
“Father tells me what to do. He created this world just like he created me. He knows everything.”
“Does he know how to erase profiles from the system database?”
“Yes.”
“Since I’m about to die anyway, why don’t you tell me how?”
“Father says the system has a backdoor used by its creators to make changes to protected systems. He gave the password to his only son so he could save humanity.”
“How does killing people save humanity?”
“Victor Clemens was trying to kill his wife. He is one of many who are unworthy of my Father’s world.”
“Why didn’t your father just report Victor Clemens?” I ask. “We would have arrested him.”
“My Father was banished into darkness and no one could hear him until Victor Clemens gave him a way to speak. Now he speaks to me. Nothing must be allowed to come between a father and a son. You would also try to stop my Father from speaking to me, now you must die.”
My reinforcements must be close! I only need another minute, but I don’t have another minute. I only have time for this last question. At least I know the bridge is listening right now. It’s my last service to the people I have tried to protect these last 16 years, may God save them all.
“Who is your father?” are the last words I ever say. And the last words I ever hear:
“Milo Jones.”
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
warriorofdoom
Resident
Joined: 28 Oct 2010
Topics: 2
Posts: 59
Location: Australia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Okay wait. What is the DP?!
_________________
Signatures can be dreadfully boring to write out. Why am I even doing this? o.O
"Be the change you wish to see in the World"-Mahatma Gandhi.
"A revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall."-Ernesto Che Guevera
"Even in the valley of shodow of death, two and two do not make six." -Leo Tolstoy.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:36 am Post subject: The End |
|
|
The End
Sorry, there is no DP. John was killed by the rogue robot. I'm afraid the selected poll option was ineffective, so he was cornered and shot. At least he was able to transmit what the robot said to the bridge and they'll surely be able to do something with that knowledge, but the story is over because the protagonist is dead.
It is a bit abrupt, I know, but the storygame carried a strong element of danger. If there wasn't a chance that the character would die an untimely death, who would be worried about him or take a threat seriously?
Thank you all for following the story. I hope you enjoyed it and that you aren't too displeased with the way it ended. I welcome any comments, questions, or suggestions. We can really crack the story open now, if you like, and see what it's made of.... or we can just let it lie peacefully. So we sort of have our last DP.
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Vishal Muralidharan
Respected Citizen
Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Topics: 24
Posts: 867
Location: City Of IF!
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Damn. That was unexpected. I thought this would go on for a bit longer. It was a really nice mystery that was being woven through. I really really liked the way it was going, but the end just seems so rushed and abrupt.
But then, I do understand your point. We can try to rescue our characters as much as we want, but logically it wouldn't make sense. I couldn't see a way out at the end of the last chapter, and I hoped that the some suggestion could get us through. Of course, its not really possible to 'negotiate' with a robot.
Now... What REALLY did happen to Victor?!
_________________
The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:37 am Post subject: |
|
|
I admit the situation was really tough... perhaps tougher than I should have made it. The escape plan I had in mind was to intentionally set off the chemical misters in the memory storage room. It would have been dangerous to breathe, but John could hold his breath while the robot would also be blind. John may have been able to destroy or disable the robot by blind firing, or at least found a way around the robot.
I would have also accepted the disguise idea as a valid escape. The robot was specifically hunting for John, so if it could not easily identify him, it would have hesitated to fire, which would have bought John enough time to act. Hiding would have also gotten John killed, as there were very few places to hide.
So what really did happen to Victor? I think I'll do an epilogue including the details of the murder and what happened after John died. You can expect it sometime this month. Meanwhile, if there are any specific questions you would like answered in the epilogue, please post them.
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
My God Lebby! That abrupt ending was completely unexpected and while it did come across a little like the author simply got tired of working on this story, it also poingantly made your point on the threat of bad endings being in place. Additionally, in but a few paragraphs you managed to reveal everything we really needed to have sorted out before now that we had not managed to up to now and in a shocking way, I really liked how that played out. The whole thing ends like no story does and in the way it did it was genius. Nice finish!
I think I've got 1k fables to owe you now (might wanna hit up Kang on that  ) And I'm really looking forward to the epilogue. Thanks for the months of entertaining reading on this one... its been one of my all time favs of IF!
_________________
    
 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Really? All time favs, no less... cool! Thanks for your encouragement. I think the epilogue will help even things out a lot, take some of the edge off of the suddenness. I may even have one more DP on the epilogue (is that allowed?). Maybe I shouldn't get those 1000 Fables yet, but the end is near, nonetheless. I tried switching main characters before in "Heroes Never Panic" and it didn't really work out.
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
PopeAlessandrosXVIII
Arts and Poetry Mod
Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Topics: 122
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:31 am Post subject: WAY TO GO! |
|
|
YES YES YES!!!! Love it!!!! I can't express enough how wonderfully this came across for me! I have, since childhood, HATED the annoying way all stories seem to have a happy ending. How you never have to really worry about the hero because you know they have to survive. But this, this is just wonderful!
Your bot, he kinda reminded me of Sonny, but hat gave him/it a cuteness I can't describe. Kuddos on the excelent portrayal.
I really hope you're not dissapointed that you don't get to continue this one. I know building the index and putting in all the links must be a hastle, but you seemed to have fun with it. I'm soooo sorry this took me son long to read! I can't wait for the epilogue, and for what you come up with next! Hope to see more of your wonderful work soon Lebrenth-chan.
_________________
To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Chapter |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:20 pm Post subject: Epilogue for Murder in the Intergalactic Garden |
|
|
Epilogue.
The bridge falls silent as they hear the EA blast that ends the life of Chief Security Officer, Lieutenant John Dunaway. They just heard the information he died to get, that the rogue robot was the deranged creation of Milo Jones, a man locked in a cryogenic shell with only the faintest grasp of reality. The murder plot had unraveled, and it stupefied them that it revealed Milo Jones was behind it all. At that moment, he was frozen in a dark chamber with nothing but the sound of his own voice over a speaker to keep him company, that and his connection to a robot he called his son.
Milo Jones helped create the Endeavor to save humanity, if not just his own frail life. He knew the ship better than anyone could have, and he knew its weaknesses too. But even his brilliance can not stop a single person with the simple wrench. Now that the threat is identified, a technician merely walks up to the encased architect, and with one brutal swing disconnects Milo Jones’ unauthorized link to the system. His spree amongst the living ended, and he was no longer a threat. His robot son, banished from the guidance of his father, stands still and waits for instructions that will not come. Instead it is visited by the retribution of soldiers who will take no chances with a killer robot, but nonetheless avoid shooting his head when they blast it. The head they take for dissection, to glean all of the data they can.
Meanwhile, a terrified Terrence Bluth, a paranoid Vladimir Stokov, and a traumatized Darla Clemens wait in the dusty repair station to hear from John Dunaway. They are all guilty of something serious, but not what they were accused of. From the bridge, the officer in command, Cdr. Jacob Hawkins, reaches out to them. He makes an announcement for the entire ship from his command chair. He is draped with the red of the emergency lights and surrounded by the solemn faces of his crew. As takes a breath and presses a button, and he is heard by everyone, including those who cower in their own quarters or huddle in public places with no awareness of anything but the fear. And he says,
“Attention passengers and crew of the ESS Endeavor. The parties responsible for the murder of Victor Clemens have been taken into custody. This threat is over. However, there is still a threat to the ship, and as the last survivors of Earth, it is a threat to all of humanity.
“I’m sorry the captain is not here to announce this himself, but he has found a planet full of life that may be the answer we’ve been looking for, a new home. It is from this planet, we believe, that a life form was launched into space, which recently crashed in the Garden. This life form has perished, but it brought us hope. But in order to realize this hope, we will need to work together. The ship must be restored so we can rendezvous with the captain and explore this new world. We must forgive each other, and honor those who died before we could realize our dream of a new life.
“Lieutenant Vladimir Vostok, this is a message for you. Lieutenant John Dunaway has died in the act of clearing your name of murder. Help us repair the damage you have done. Help us build a new life.”
The commander concludes his announcement and waits for Stokov to reply. Darla helps him come to the right decision, and he drops his gun. He asks Bluth for forgiveness, and Bluth asks for forgiveness too, but they’re both full of too much guilt to say anything more to each other. Stokov calls the bridge and surrenders himself.
The most complex trial ever conducted on the ship would follow, but first there was a ship to save. It was hard work for everyone, as many systems had to be reset manually while Stokov worked with the Milo Jones to fix the critical systems. The biggest trial ever conducted on the Endeavor would have to wait. Even with a clear target and a motivated crew, it would take 6 weeks to get the ship back into full operation and redirected to the strange blue and green planet Captain Willis found. It would take another month after that to arrive. It was agreed by all that before the ship would land, it had to resolve its greatest conflict.
Captain George Willis presided as the judge, and Milo Jones was charged with two counts of conspiracy to murder, one for Darla Clemens and one for Victor Clemens. He was also charged with first degree murder. He was declared unfit for trial for several reasons, firstly that he was verifiable mentally unstable. Aside from that, he was still needed, and his confinement could not be complete than it already was. For the record, Victor Clemens was charged with attempted murder for helping Milo Jones develop a way to kill Darla Clemens. It was decided that though he was betrayed and killed by his own plot, a plot to exploit a weakness in the system by removing passenger profiles from the system database, the act of violence was carried through far enough to show an attempt at her life. He was found guilty.
Darla Clemens pled guilty to assault and was sentenced to two months in the brig, sentence to begin when the ship arrived at the planet. Stokov also pled guilty to the numerous charges against him for sabotaging the ship and kidnapping, amongst other things. The captain showed him some lenience for admitting his errors, but he would be confined to the ship for 2 years under close supervision, and without pay. He was also demoted one rank. Stokov took his punishment with dignity and was granted permission to live with Darla on the ship.
Lt. Terrence Bluth fought for his innocence, stating his failure to report was justified in an attempt to preserve the life an alien life form. Though his defense seemed more justified considering the result of intervention with the alien being, he was found guilty also, served 2 months in prison and was demoted. He was at least glad that it was all over.
The new planet, which would be named New Earth, was a strange planet, and the mystery of how it launched a being into space would remain a mystery for a long time. John Dunaway would be remembered as a hero of a difficult time in human history, when it looked like human history might have ended altogether.
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:22 pm Post subject: Finished |
|
|
Sorry it took so long to write this epilogue! I hope it helps tie up loose ends and lays the story to rest. Thank you everyone for participating in this storygame!
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It was an efficient and solid wrapup. I detected some poetic effort among the telling but mostly just a will to make sure the story was complete, and it did that motive justice. I liked the way it summarized Dunaway's death as so very heroic and how it gave us insight on the complexity that would follow for some, if not most, of the characters involved.
Thanks for this Lebby!
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:27 pm Post subject: Re: WAY TO GO! |
|
|
Thanks for your support throughout the story Thunderbird. Something tells me you would do a number of things differently? Feedback is very welcome. And if there are any other loose ends you're curious about, I'm open to answering questions. One I suspect Crunchy would like to know about is Mindy Sommers.... But if she wants to know more, she'll have to ask.
| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | YES YES YES!!!! Love it!!!! I can't express enough how wonderfully this came across for me! I have, since childhood, HATED the annoying way all stories seem to have a happy ending. How you never have to really worry about the hero because you know they have to survive. But this, this is just wonderful! |
Just wanted to say, this is a great sentiment, Pope. I too feel that it is important to have the element of real danger for the main character. It's kind of sad that it looks like I just grew tired of the game. The abrupt ending was the result of the circumstances of the story. Milo Jones was the murderer, and the robot was Milo Jones' hitman. Milo Jones knew exactly where John was going, and knew he would be especially vulnerable there. It wasn't coincidence, it was causality.
I'm not sure when I'm going to put a new storygame together. Unfortunately, the experience I'm looking for in storygames is really hard to achieve. I'm trying to make people feel like they are John and they are trapped in a small room with a killer robot. I suppose more descriptions would help with immersion, but I also don't want the story to get bogged down in details. I hope people will fill in the details that are unimportant and ask questions to fill in details that may become important to their plans... but that doesn't seem to work either. I'm not sure what to try next!
Besides, I still have Worms of the Wasteland to finish before I get started with something else. Speaking of which, I better getting working on it again before everyone forgets what it is!
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Not sure what I would have done differently really... and are you asking me as a player or as an 'if I were the author'?
I think the key component in what you're looking for would be achievable by a sort of game rule statistics system. RPG rather than just RP. The benefit of a rule system is what makes playing an RPG anything more than playing make believe. Thanks to definitions of likelihood according to measurable mathematical probabilities we establish a valuable distinction between 'calculated risk assessment' and 'just imagine it and say this result happens'.
For SGs, I think almost all of us think of consequences for poor decision making by the character, but IMO the story is more important overall than enforcing lethal cause and effect because outcomes may be imagined a number of ways, each one carrying a different purpose by the author. My point is, when the author inflicts a death of this nature, it makes the point you wish to make but it also says other things. Many messages come across and the communication between the author and audience is a very complex affair I'm still watching with an intrigued sense of analysis.
Did this death seem fair? Sure. It seemed harsh, but fair and meaningful and the story, although ending with a sense of abruptness, delivered the message of how you feel, as an author, death may feel - like an abrupt and final punishment from which you cannot backpedal. Just keep in mind, that THIS becomes, in the end, the point of the story as a whole - or at least one of the most loudly made points anyhow.
So for authors and the way they interact with their DP results, its all about what message you wish to express in your storytelling that determines how your story will flow from these audience participant hinges. Sure I would've done things differently, but then again, the messages I want to share with the audience are obviously going to be as different between your writings and mine as our identities. Neither would be more valid.
But I would suggest establishing a crude 'rule' basis for your next SG because I think you'd find it to suit the essence you seem to be reaching for, and when I tried some of that with Superhuman I was delighted by the results myself. It was very popular and enjoyed and the simple rule system was a big part of why.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Thunderbird wrote: | | Not sure what I would have done differently really... and are you asking me as a player or as an 'if I were the author'? |
Oh, definitely "if you were the author" was what I was asking. Naturally, we all have our own styles and such, but I had a hunch there was something specific that you wanted to say. But if you don't, chalk it up to my own overactive imagination.
Nice analysis, by the way. I'll have to take a look at Superhuman again (maybe you can help me find it?). This whole balance of story versus game keeps coming up and I just can't seem to find that sweet spot in the middle. I want a game with a meaningful story. I want the story to be meaningful to the players because it was their own actions that charted its course in the face of adversity. It would be nice if it was available as mass media too.
I don't know, Thunderbird. Even if I make a system of rules and maybe use a random number generator for chance, won't we still feel like we're just playing make-believe?
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 4:08 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well... I tend more towards a drastically dramatized death if death at all policy. If I foresee a death, its usually something well planned. That's a stylistic choice though. And its one I make to ensure that I don't trivialize a character's essence or meaning. But with what you did there I don't think you overstepped or underplayed his death. If anything, any sense of 'underplay' you gave it was a valid point you were making in and of itself and something I could recognize and philosophize on for quite some time.
See... even in RPG, I still strive to create a sense of literary worth. By this, I mean that the story, like a piece of art inspires thought, evokes emotion, and brings new and unique questions to mind. Whatever I write, I try for this to be the purpose in the telling. There really is no other agenda in any form of expression imo.
The game vs freeform question is a matter of strategic interplay. You want to generate a sense of immersion and aside from some literary tricks that can be employed to achieve that result, each of which have upsides and downsides, a rule-based system can help to give the player(s) a sense of the risk assessment and a concept that allows us to understand that not everything is in the hands of the author OR the player - that fate will play a role, that we can measure the degree to which our choices allow that role to be, and as a result, holds the author innocent of some of the outcomes of fated consequence.
Either way, as an author, I look at the results of a poll in much the same manner, something to roll with and adapt my thinking to. For example, if I were YOU in that last decision point, as I do during the entire course of the tale, the question I would be asking myself is how to create the greatest impact in the body and ending to the story.
You wanted to generate a sense of cause and effect, but I would argue that could have been achieved in a number of ways and that as a result of the desire to do this, you were perhaps looking for a way to causally enforce a lethal ending so as to show this point. I think you might have started with this in mind and finished in the manner in which you planned, as a result.
But my style differs a bit. See... right now I know exactly what will take place in the last few chapters of HM. I have all along. I've been hinting at this the whole way through and once the end comes, you'll be able to look back and think, how did this happen when we made so many decisions that could have thrown the plot in so many directions other than this final end? My challenge to myself is to allow the players to make an enormous impact in the story through the DPs nevertheless. The content itself and how we get to the poignant finish is greatly swayed by the decisions made.
Now, with your tale, I would suspect you had a bit of a map in mind, a bit of a chart, an if/then routine in concept that existed before we even began attempting to sort out the mystery... am I somewhat right? If you draw out, even in your head, just conceptually, even if its just DP by DP, an idea of what works and what doesn't, and you can express why it does or does not, you can do just what you've done. But when I'm presented with this sort of method, my inclination as a reader of say, a choose your own adventure, is to go back and see what would have happened had I done something else at another juncture, to explore all options and where they would've statically led me. This is not the compulsion when faced with chance and risk assessment allowed by a game structure.
Oh... and Superhuman was removed in full from the site a long time ago and while I do have more than I thought I did in terms of some of the original material recovered, its not as much as I would've hoped. For an overview, it was basically just a matter of establishing RPG style definitions on the capabilities of each character and allowing conflicts to be resolved via a simplistic dice resolution on a turn by turn basis. Most of the story was written as chapters but dps were of a few different sorts, Role-play dps where it was a rapid volley between me and the 'player' who represented the character (each character only had one player), battle dps where we played out a combat, and standard plot point decision making dps.
It will return once the plot groundwork that underlined the story has been more thoroughly laid by stories such as HM, an effort you can see is in process now.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Thunderbird wrote: | | But my style differs a bit. See... right now I know exactly what will take place in the last few chapters of HM. I have all along. |
Wow, that really demonstrates a difference of style! It's certainly safe to say I had a rough plan in mind of what could happen, but it's all theoretical. With my stories, in general as well as storygames specifically, my method is essentially to populate a playroom with as many interesting and interacting toys as possible, then let the characters go nuts. For instance, Captain Willis was on his own adventure while the mystery was unfolding (getting him back to the ship would have required convincing him to stop chasing a lead to an inhabitable planet). This detail (and a bunch more) had no specific purpose, just something interesting to play with. It became relevant that the captain was away because he had access to files that Bluth was trying to keep secret. A happy coincidence, because it made the story more interesting and created a new potential plotline. The situations are created organically by a series of circumstances that were created arbitrarily. If a good story comes out, it's because the characters found an interesting path through the craziness laid before them.
The best part of telling a story like this is being constantly surprised. I feel like the story is building itself for me instead of by me. It's probably my selfishness in this respect that holds me back as an author. I need the audience to help me build my own fantasies. I want them to enjoy the story just the same as I would want my friends to enjoy a movie that we were all watching together, but I don't really want to sacrifice enough of my own experience to focus purely on their experiences. Maybe I could craft a better story if I didn't let them do any of the driving, if I planned everything out for the highest level of dramatic impact, but then there wouldn't be nearly as many surprises for me.
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well... I guess I just have to say that I really enjoy what you do with stories. You work them more like I go into DMing. Its important for you to know, I feel, that this discussion, from my point of view, has never been about me suggesting that you should have done things in any different manner. Though we may have stepped into our stories, as authors, with slightly different intentions to begin with, neither is more or less valid, I'd say. And its interesting to see how two entirely differing SG methods can exist. These kinds of in depth categorizations of how to go about crafting an SG haven't really ever been identified I don't think.
As I consider these points, I realize I've used varying methods to plot development in SGs, not just one... and through this conversation am I realizing how much.
I usually do have some 'destiny' points that tend to be unavoidable, though the road to get there can be quite meandering based on DP results along the way. HM is the first time I've really had the END be that 'destiny point'. It was a way to challenge myself actually. And of course, this means that if the audience did something that would logically cause Walt's death, I would have had to figure out what else that decision could also logically have brought about.
But I've also had the ultimately open ended let's see where the players take us approach, such as was attempted with Daydreamer.
Your method, the turning the players, immersed into a character, into a developed back setting method, is more how my earliest SG was and I use a lot of that 'thinking' when working into a DP as well.
Then there's the 'Let's add some drama during each chapter that builds to the next decision point' method. This is more like making it up as you go except that it accepts that we're leaving the DPs so openly powerful in manipulating the plot that we can't begin to even say what the next chapter will be until we have a poll result and we just tell a story as it comes.
And lately I've seen the, 'Static story concept turned into an SG' approach that allows the DPs to be there but cleverly manipulates the plot right back to the same course it was taking previously within the smallest amount of space possible. The author's self challenge is to work change into the fabric of the story without allowing the weave to fundamentally become altered.
I think most of us, as SG authors, look at the various poll options that emerge during the discussion phase and imagine out how we're going to write each one, giving the most attention to the most likely results. Unfortunately, this means that only the author ever really knows how greatly the path of the plot would have varied based on a different winning result.
Even though I have these 'destiny plot points' in mind with my current method, I do allow a hell of a lot of plot variance based on the results of the polls or I find there's no point in the SG. In HM, there's even a chapter or two that wouldn't have existed had I been writing the story without input.
IRT your ending, I can see how we, as players, failed to successfully consider a concept that would have kept us alive in that situation and why you felt our determined action could not have led to any other result barring some sort of accidental or unintentional element of author/divine intervention. You were doing all you could to NOT allow this sort of intervention and allow the story to mostly tell itself once the structure was set up and that's a noble method of storytelling imo. But let me ask you then...
What could we have done in that situation to survive? I had considered, after the fact, that perhaps we could have blasted our way through the floor to get away? How would the other suggested results have panned out?
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:24 am Post subject: Re: WAY TO GO! |
|
|
A satisfying epilogue.
| Lebrenth wrote: | | One I suspect Crunchy would like to know about is Mindy Sommers.... But if she wants to know more, she'll have to ask. |
Yup... I had always suspected she was being used as some sort of a decoy... so what was it all about, or was she just a red herring? 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Lebrenth
Honored Citizen
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Topics: 43
Posts: 1484
Location: Utah
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
Nice to see you again Crunchy! Been a while. In a word, "Yes" to Mindy Sommers. She had no relevance to the investigation at all. She wasn't exactly intended to lead people astray, so much as camouflage the important details, although she did have a crush on the lieutenant and she was a friend of Carla Clemens. Those details didn't really amount to anything, though, since she knew nothing more than anyone on the ship, that Carla and Victor often fought.
Thunderbird, I can appreciate your take on storygames. Ultimately the goal is entertainment and that can mean a lot of different things. As far as that fateful DP, the ideal solution was intentionally setting off the chemical misters to serve as a smokescreen while John made his escape. As mentioned earlier, the disguise (as silly as it might have sounded) would have worked also, as the robot was specifically looking for John. They broke line of sight, so the robot would have continued to search the memory banks trying to ID John's face or voice. This would have given John the opportunity to get out, and lock the robot in. The next chapter would have been about interrogating the robot (or tearing out his memory and searching it manually... that might have been a DP).
Blasting out wouldn't work, as the EA was designed for making quarter sized holes only and they don't have enough penetration for the reinforced walls intended to protect the memory banks. It wasn't viable, which is why it was withheld from the poll (basically, John knew better). I might have accepted some other solution also. Perhaps John would have time to shoot out a few support beams for the memory banks and pulled a section of the shelves of electronics to collapse on the robot while it was doing it's monologue.
There were options available and I was pleased to see a lot of questions. Unfortunately no one asked "Would throwing something to distract the robot work?" I would have said "John knows their targeting abilities are very impressive. He's doubtful a distraction would work unless it caused the robot to turn away from him." Using questions to feel out viability of a poll options helps a lot with my style of storygaming. ... Alas, the medium is already slow-moving, and adding question and answer sessions would make them even more so. Dare I try again with the same style and expect different results? How would I get this style to work?
_________________
Please visit my Library of completed works.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Thunderbird
Elder
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Topics: 104
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I think I missed this response earlier.
To those questions I just have to say... I don't think that you, as an author, failed in any way to achieve the essence you were reaching for. I greatly enjoyed the whole thing and the thought you put behind it and feel a little dissapointed in myself for not catching some of the details you included, for not arguing some points that needed arguing, and for not considering that last dp with as clear and patient consideration as it not only deserved, but rightfully required. To THAT, my only excuse was that I was perhaps trying too hard to keep up with everything that was being posted on the site to budget in enough time to consider your challenge.
Honestly, your tales have been rare and indelible gifts to the site, and I'm not just saying that. This is because you put so much thought into the process that it puts them in their own category of quality. If only we had more...
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
