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Eadgar's Saga- Chapter 2 POLL

 
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Jack_D.Mented
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:26 pm    Post subject: Eadgar's Saga- Chapter 2 POLL Reply with quote

Chapter 1

The old king plucked at his hoary beard. He hunched his twisted back and tried his best to rest his aching bones. The toll of years had not only weathered his face and stolen his muscles; they had turned his feet gouty and filled his joints with arthritis.

He was not in the condition for adventuring. He had not been for many years. Even when he had been the age and condition for it, he had not been much the type.

The king regretted that now. His entire life was a saga of wasted opportunity and what he needed now was another chance.

That is why the tower was built.
……

Eadgar Trollson spat and coughed. The salt water burned his throat and eyes. His body ached from the exertion of the oars and from the long swim away from the wreck.

He struggled to rise to his feet around the chains that bound him. The heavy manacles had made his escape a chore, but he had never been the type of man to be denied his freedom. After collapsing to his knees once or twice, his weary body finally complied and he stood at his full height of nearly six and a half feet.

There were numerous pieces of wreckage scattered along the shore, a few bodies included. Fat and bloated, the corpses bobbed in the water, their tongues lazily hanging from their dead mouths as flies blew them and the screeching seagulls picked at their eyes.

The damned sun was shining directly in his face. Eadgar attempted to raise his hands to block it a bit, but accidentally contacted a large goose egg on his forehead.

He cursed at the sudden flare of agony. His vision swam for a second.

Squinting and hunching, he regained his balance and focused on breathing. The pain lessened to a dull throb after a few seconds.

Now that he wasn’t about to pass out, piss himself, or vomit, the well built man was able to survey his surroundings a bit more. He waddled toward the shade of the trees not far from the beach.

Not only did he need to be able to see, but it felt as if the sun was roasting the flesh from the top of his nearly shaven head.

It was just as he stepped into the blessed shade that he heard that dreaded voice.

“You there! Slave! STOP!”

It was the slave master’s voice. How did that fat bastard survive when so many good men had lost their lives? He wondered to himself.

Eadgar turned his head to look back into the sun.

Nearly obese, sweating and panting, the slave master made his way up the beach head toward Trollson. Somehow, the sadistic pig had maintained his whip through not only the storm, but the wreck and getting washed up to the beach.

Now, he picked his way over and around the debris as if he was afraid of hurting one of his perfectly pedicured sandaled feet. A large gash leaked fresh blood from his scalp, down his face, and onto his badly torn silk robes that he wore to keep his currently absent leather breastplate from chaffing his prodigious man breasts.

The slaves had placed bets on if the big bellied driver was, in fact, a eunuch. He hadn’t even began to grow stubble, much less a beard on their three week journey and his voice was an unpleasant screech, not unlike that of an elderly fish wife.
Eadgar was of the hope that the man had not been altered but only for a truly selfish motive. He wanted to geld the bastard himself.

Looking down by his feet, Eadgar spied a large rock. Perhaps he could brain the taskmaster with it from a distance? Or, if he only managed to stun, him, could he cover the ground quickly enough to rush up, tackle him and then choke the life from his quivering chins with the rusty chain that encumbered him so?

Oh, what irony that would be. A master of slaves, choked by a slave, with a slave’s chains.

But, Eadgar realized, he still had not seen the item of most import upon his enemy’s belt… his keys. Where were they? Had they been lost? And if he murdered this slothly creature here and now and there were no keys, what had he accomplished other than simple revenge?

He supposed that he could always flee into the wooded area and wait for a more advantageous situation to strike…

Regardless, there was a decision to be made and it needed to be made quickly. As he made his way clear of the debris, the porcine whoreson was gaining speed and would soon be within a stone’s throw.


Last edited by Jack_D.Mented on Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:42 am; edited 3 times in total
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Jack_D.Mented
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, there we have it. It's my first time writing in a very long time. What do you all think?
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:47 pm    Post subject: I think. . . . . Reply with quote

Well well, not bad. Jumping right in after so long an absence. The idea seems to have a lot of potential, and I like the relatively descriptive style. I could smell the corpses Razz Anyways, good job.



DP. . . . .DP. . . . .I'd say talk with the guy, throw him off his game with insults and such. It'll give the guy some time to rest. Once he's mad enough take him out with the heavy manacles! Mwahahahahaaa!


Okay, evil side put away. Can't wait to see more!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, an IF oldie! Not one that I've made the aquaintance of though, so nice to meet you firstly, and also to see you back on IF! After a huge slump in activity recently, it's good to see people finally coming back to the site.

What would you prefer to be called, btw? The full Jack_D.Mented, just Jack, JDM? For now I'll go with the latter, just for convenience purposes. Wink


Anyway, onwards to the story...

A very interesting start, I have to say! You're not at all scared of description and it shows in the ease with which one is able to visualise the images to match the writing itself. It's also different from anything else that we currently have on the site, which is always good, as it gives some variety. Smile You've made the Slave-Master sound rather grotesque and is clearly a total bastard just through what he does for a living. I would really love to see him get a good pasting. But for now, I'm going to say that Eadgar grabs that rock and throws it at him. Hopefully he'll hit him with it hard enough to give Eadgar the upper hand. If he knocks him out, at least he can search the guy for the keys to the shackles that are currently the brunt of his difficulty. And if he's able to get himself free, he can then make plans to do whatever he likes to the Slave Master. Maybe dragging him (if he has the strength) over to the wooded area, so he can take his time, if he wishes.


Much enjoyed, JDM! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for the wonderful compliments. To think, I was a little hesitant to start writing again. I was afraid my skill had abandoned me.

Jack or JDM will do just fine.

I will probably give this until about Monday for people to take a look and such and then I will post up a poll. I'm kind of wondering if anybody will come up with anything absolutely crazy for him to do.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fantastic start, Jack! Like Pope, I could smell the cropses. I really got a feel for the sweltering heat, too. It was a lot of great description overall.

Hm...I say Eadgar chucks that rock at the slave master to knock him out, or at least knock him silly. Maybe he can find a second rock on his sprint to the man (or before he starts the run), so just in case the first rock doesn't stun him long enough, the second will buy Eadgar more tme. If he is knocked unconscious, and a search for keys proves fruitless, wait until he wakes up and use some good old torture to see if he knows the whereabouts of any. Say he is a eunich and we can't take that from him, then go for other extremities - ears, fingers toes. There's nothing sharp to cut them off with, but if Eadgar can find a fairly pointed rock, then he can just bludgeon them off, which I would imagine would hurt more than a simple slice and dice operation, and might persuade the man to talk quicker. And if he decides to be "noble" and not speak at all, Eadgar can still have the satisfaction of flaying him with his own whip before strangling him with the shackles.

Okay, inner sadist put safely back in her cage...

I can't wait for the poll/next chapter! Keep it up! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really good start JDM!

I cant wait to read more of this. Im gonna have to agree with the others and toss a stone at the master.

The thing I loved about your writing was your description. You did a brilliant job with them, being vivid and entertaining(?) at the same time.

Can't wait for more Wink
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all so very much for reading and for the compliments.

The polls are now up.
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I personally would have just kicked him in the 'nads to 1 - satisfy curiosity and 2 - feel loads better about the situation, but I didn't manage to shake off RL in time to settle down and read this.

Good start Jack, and you've done really well with the sensory perception and imagery; I can clearly picture the wreckage and get the idea that the sun is clearly beating down without remorse and could cause some problems later if Eadgar doesn't find fresh water and shelter soon.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jack, this is excellent! I'm so glad I've finally gotten around to catching up on SGs...totally worth it! I'm kinda envious how easily some authors can paint a picture of a complex scenery. You did really well in making me feel what our protagonist is feeling. Smile

I'm too late in suggesting a DP, but I did vote on what I believe is closest to what I feel Eadgar will do. Waiting anxiously for the next chapter! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 2

Eadgar's mouth was as dry as a sandpit. His teeth felt gritty.

In fact, his tongue felt like he'd just finished licking a dog's ass. He’d spit if he wasn’t so damned thirsty.

He squinted against the overbearing light that bounced back from the nearly white beach.

Crack! The slave master snapped the whip in a gesture that Eadgar guessed was meant to intimidate him. Perhaps it would have… if the pig nosed whoreson wasn’t already wheezing at the exertion.

The slave narrowed his green eyes. He gently lifted the large rock at his feet with the tip of his toes. It gave him a decent estimation of its weight.

He grunted. The lowlife needed to inch just a little closer and he could almost guarantee deadly accuracy.

Eadgar Trollson hadn’t thrown a rock since he was but a dirty faced little scamp scurrying about his village, stealing fruit from the markets like some kind of overgrown rodent.

He wished the slave master would waddle a bit faster. He was ready to be done with this.

A serpentine smile slithered across the slave master’s chapped lips.

“Ah, so you do know your place! It is a good thing to see. I will ensure that, upon our return, you are rewarded…” He rambled in his prattling tongue.

Eadgar hated that he’d ever had to learn to speak their language. It sounded like an old man trying to clear phlegm. Soon, he would guarantee that he would never have to hear it again.

“We will get you a woman! No, make that two women! Loyalty like yours must be carried on. Breeding is in order!”

Eadgar growled like a starving wolf.

He grabbed the stone, and as smoothly as he could with his hands chained, threw it directly at his oppressor.

The taskmaster’s eyes opened wide and his mouth formed a perfect O in surprise, displaying several highly expensive golden teeth.

Eadgar rushed toward him, what would normally be pantherish speed only slightly hindered by the restraints. Freedom was at hand and, even given his battered state, his body refused to fail him.

The slave master ducked, but the stone still clipped the top of his bald head, splattering blood and sending him reeling.

Less than a second later, Eadgar plowed into him shoulder first with all of the force of an expertly conducted cavalry charge.

Slave and slave master tumbled to the ground, splashing sand into the air.

Eadgar brought down both fists as if he was swinging an axe, striking the foreman squarely between the eyes.

“I AM NOT CATTLE, WHORESON! I WILL NOT BE BRED LIKE A PRIZE BULL!” He screamed as he wrapped his chains about his foe’s neck.

The slave master’s eyes bulged and his face began to immediately began to cycle through the shades of violet as he was choked.

His legs kicked feebly and his plump little sausage fingers grasped at Eadgar’s arm to no avail.

Eadgar threw a knee into the autocrat’s ribs. He felt a couple snap and grind against something soft.

Not only did it take the fight out of him, but it was damned satisfying.

He couldn’t resist spitting in the elephantine face of the slave master as his body ceased to struggle and he faded from consciousness.

Eadgar staggered to his feet. He gave his former overlord a good boot to the head to ensure that he wasn’t attempting a ruse, partly for his own safety, and partly because it was hard to resist.

After regaining his breath, the big man wasted no time in searching his enemy’s pockets and pouches. He found some gold coins, which he kept. He also found some black lotus leaves, which he discarded.

He did not, however, find any keys.

Eadgar pursed his lips. He needed fresh water, that much was obvious. That need was quickly overriding his need for freedom at the moment.

As he surveyed the beach and pondered his next move, he noticed with some amount of trepidation that the tide was creeping in as the sun began to wind down across the other side of the sky.

Firstly, he had an extra almost three hundred pounds that he needed to dispose of. But should he expend the time and energy trying to question a man that may know nothing?

And secondly, should he move along down the beach, looking for the keys, and at the very least, a weapon?

Or should he just head straight into the trees to find shelter and water for the night?

Trollson raised his gaze to the sky. Purple clouds, heavy with menace, had begun to creep toward the isle from somewhere out at sea. It seemed as if the storm had followed him.

"Well, this made things interesting, doesn't it?" He muttered to himself.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shove his carcass back out to sea. The predators out there will eventually strip his bones clean, or else leave him out somewhere for the vultures or other carrion-eaters to find. Either way, his body isn't Eadgar's problem anymore at the moment. With that storm moving in, he should at the very least move inland and find fresh water and shelter until the bad weather passes.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another very well detailed chapter, Jack! Loved the action, it was very nicely choreographed.

I found two small things while reading:

Jack_D.Mented wrote:
The slave master’s eyes bulged and his face began to immediately began to cycle through the shades of violet as he was choked.


One of the "began to"s should be removed. I would suggest getting rid of the first one as I think the sentence flows better that way, but that decision is ultimately up to you.

Jack_D.Mented wrote:
"Well, this made things interesting, doesn't it?" He muttered to himself.


Makes

I'm going to agree with Lilith on the DP here - shove the body out to sea and travel inland to find water and avoid the storm.

Keep up the great work! Smile
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Jack!


Another much enjoyed chapter, and I have to say it was highly satisfying to read about Eadgar's satisfaction at killing the slave-master. Though we've not been made privy as to exactly what he went through at the man's hands, one gets a sense that it was very much not good, and from the comment about getting him women to breed...one gets a sense that he and the other slaves are thought of and treated more like animals (and I don't approve of animal cruelty either, so my scorn for the man is only heightened by that knowledge, lol!). I caught the same couple of errors that Seraphi did, but they're small things.


As the tide is coming in, the slave master would be likely be drawn back out to sea anyway. As he's currently still alive (I think?), I say Eadgar forgets about any information that the man might possibly give him, and just finish the job. Grab the rock from earlier, smash the bastard's head in with it, and leave him there to await the tide.


As for getting shelter and water, I'm inclined to agree with the others, but I'm also wondering what kind of storm is heading Eadgar's way. If it's a lightning storm, going into the trees could be very hazardous. But I'm not wholly sure on how intelligent Eadgar is yet, and if he would know that. I'm going to say he goes into the trees, but keeps going for as long as he can, hoping to find a cave maybe to shelter inside. If he finds water along the way, cool. If not...maybe find something that could be used to collect the rain water from the storm? He might have to wait for a little while, but it would get him water.


So to sum up, kill the slave-master and leave him for the tide, before making a run for it from the storm, trying to find a cave to shelter in and water along the way, and if the latter doesn't happen, find a way to collect some rain water from the storm.


Great chappie, Jack! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The poll is up!
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Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL


Abattoir Chapter 2!
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very enjoyable SG! Very Happy But, again, I missed out on suggesting a DP, haha. I'm gonna have to speed up to catch the next one!
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Where does he go?
Down the beach
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 0%  [ 0 ]
Further inland?
100%
 100%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Lilith, sagittaeri, Seraphi, Tikanni Corazon

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