Search      Members      Groups      Profile      Favorites      RSS      Register      Log in
To Survive Divinity: Chapter TWENTY-NINE Now Playing!
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
 
(currently a favorite of 8 users)
   Storygames Home -> The Fantasy Forest - Fantasy Storygames -> Storygames: Fantasy
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Author Chapter
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:07 pm    Post subject: To Survive Divinity: Chapter TWENTY-NINE Now Playing! Reply with quote

Guess I'm jumping on the new SG bandwagon. =D This is a new idea that I just dreamed up this morning...quite literally. This is just the prologue, so no DP, but I'd like to hear what everyone thinks of it, so here you go!

~#*TSD*#~

I didn’t ask for any of this.

Well, I suppose that isn’t entirely true.

I am not a believer, and I was not quiet about that. There’s really no wonder my community offered me as the newest slave to the “gods”. I think they were trying to get rid of me in order to avoid bringing the wrath of the “divine ones”. That would make a lot of sense.

I can’t really say that I blame them.

I mean, our community was closest to the palace where War and Death reside, so it’s only natural that they’d strive to keep our local deities happy.

We aren’t the lucky ones.

Fertility, Love, Healing--those beings aren’t anywhere near our little metropolis. No, our land is poor, and our “gods” are rich because of all of the Powerful Ones, no one wants to anger War or Death, am I right?

I’m not really sure what I’m in for.

All I know is that I’ll be a slave of War until I complete the training and disciplines necessary to become one of his many brides--or I die…

Or he kills me--whichever comes first.

Honestly, I could see either of the latter two being the most likely of endings to my tale. Most would see being one of the Chosen as an honor and would find great joy in serving the Powerful Ones.

Me? Well, as I’ve already said, I think the sheep back home were just trying to get rid of me. All but my family are probably having a party right about now. My family is probably just praying to the One True God that I see my twenty-fifth birthday.

I’m praying much the same thing right about now.

The palace of War and Death is massive. The tiny cart I’m riding with all the other “Offerings” makes a rough transition from the washed out roadways of the city and onto the flawless pavement of the Divine Grounds. As I’ve stopped bouncing so violently, I am now able to better examine my surroundings.

Row after row of gardens nearly blind my eyes with their dazzling color. Never in my life have I seen such extravagant wealth in nature, alone. Fountains and pathways rendered by the finest craftsmen the world could produce litter the miles of beauty around me.
The tone emanating from the sound of the horses’ hooves on the ground below us has changed, and that forces me to look down. Instead of pavement, we are now riding along what seems to be the purest of white marble with gold inlaid in intricate designs throughout.

The utter richness of the world around me is baffling. Not ten minutes ago, I thought I was doing well to live in a two-bedroom home with a square of dried out grass as a front yard. I have never been more wrong.

An hour passes from the time our carriage enters the gate until one of the other ladies spots the palace itself. Instantly, the once-silent cart around me explodes into an excited frenzy. The other women are delighted to be some of this year’s “crop”. I am certain they will fly through the disciplines and be brides in no time.

Truthfully, none of us knows what that really means.

Every year, six women between the ages of sixteen and twenty-six are given up by the people of the Community, and are taken to the palace. We are told they are like slaves until they have completed the disciplines, and then they are made brides, but no one is really sure since none of the offered women are ever seen or heard from again.

In fact, no one but the carriage driver has ever entered and returned from the palace.

Diggory is a quiet man. Once a year, he comes out and posts the official decree of the Offering Season. The Community will have been preparing since this time last year, but they are given a week to make their final decisions, nonetheless. One week to the moment from when he arrives, Diggory takes the cart full of women and whatever other offerings are given and returns to the palace.

Few speak to Diggory, and even fewer know his name. I have spoken to the middle-aged man many times, but he refuses to say anything about the palace or its inhabitants. I did notice that he seemed rather downcast when my name was called at the meeting. I told him when he arrived that I was to be offered, but I guess he was hoping I was mistaken for some reason.

He hasn’t spoken to me since, and that unsettles me.

Soon, the carriage pulls up to the massive building. I’ve heard tale of places of this magnitude, but I’m in awe when I actually see it with my own eyes. The white, marble road blends seamlessly into the staircase that leads to the grand entrance. The doorway is as large as my home, and eighteen guards stand across it in a row.

The palace itself is built from a material I cannot identify. It is white, like the staircase, but in the light of the setting sun, it glitters radiantly as though diamonds have been crushed and their dust blown all throughout it. It is a breathtaking spectacle.

“Miss Kaija,” the sound of my name startles me out of my trance. “Miss Kaija, you mustn’t keep the gods waiting!”

I turn to see Diggory’s hand outstretched toward me. He has my small bag of belongings in his other hand. We were told to only bring a few personal items, as we would be provided with clothing and other necessities. After a moment’s hesitation, I allow Diggory to assist me to the ground.

Lingering for a few more seconds, I watch the horse and carriage, unguided, head off toward the western side of the building.

“Miss Kaija, please,” Diggory insists, and I trot to follow him. “Now, child, keep your head down. Do as you’re told, and do not draw attention to yourself. That beautiful face of yours is going to single you out among these other cows without you helping it along.”

I’m not sure what he meant by that or why he sounds so very distressed at this moment, but suddenly, I’m much more nervous than I was on the carriage ride here.

“Mister Diggory,” I say softly.

“I’ve told you, child. Just call me Diggory,” he sighs.

“Alright,” I try again. “Diggory, why do you sound so worried? Why are you giving me advice and not the other girls?”

“Because you are something special, my dear,” Diggory doesn’t seem pleased when he says this. “You will catch the attention of the gods quickly, and I can only hope that your sweet disposition will overpower that fiery spirit of yours. Your life may depend on it.”

I stop short. I thought I had settled with myself about the notion of War and Death killing me, but hearing it aloud from someone else sends the reality of my situation crashing down on me. I suddenly find myself fighting with the urge to turn and run as fast and as hard as I can. My only salvation would come from my passing beyond the scope of my new captors’ powers and hiding forevermore.

“No,” a small voice within me speaks up.

It is right. I cannot run now, and even if I could, physically, I would never be able to live with myself. It would be better for me to die at the hands of another than to live hating myself for my cowardice.

“Have you made your decision?” Diggory is watching me, knowingly.

I only nod and take Diggory’s outstretched hand. He pulls me closer and loops my hand into the crook of his elbow. He leans toward me, whispering into my ear.

“You can do this. You will be a bride.”


Last edited by Andolyn on Tue Apr 12, 2016 11:46 am; edited 49 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Vikas Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Topics: 30
Posts: 598


Items

Legends
3192 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I love the idea! It's extremely interesting, and I cant wait to read more of this! There's a nice, well put setting, and we already have a few insights into the mind of our protagonist so that's great!

With that being said, there are a few extremely minor issues I had, like capitalizing "c" in the word choice, or some places when I felt awkward about the ellipses, but hey, no biggie.

Extremely interesting idea and amazing writing. In other words, Andolyn is back! Very Happy *does celebratory dance*
_________________
Vikas Muralidharan

Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Wink



Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 10:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fixed the ellipses problem!

Thank you for your input, Vikas! I always love hearing from you! <3 I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'll be working on chapter one throughout the day.


Last edited by Andolyn on Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Vishal Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Topics: 22
Posts: 816
Location: City Of IF!

Items

Legends
4921 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was kind of thrown off at the beginning, but this is very intriguing! Really don't have much to add to what my brother has written, but I'm really happy to see you back here. Always loved your writing, and this has the makings of a classic Andolyn tale. Definitely looking forward to reading more!
_________________




The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Tikanni Corazon
Honored Citizen



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Topics: 74
Posts: 1268
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Items

Legends
18190 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fab start Andi! When you told me about this one, I was intrigued and that hasn't changed upon reading this first snippet! I want to know more as to why Diggory is so concerned for her, and I'm looking forward to meeting War and Death.

Looking forward to chapter one!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww! You guys are the best. =) I'm working on the chapter today, and I'll hopefully have it out tonight. Everyone cross your fingers. haha!

Last edited by Andolyn on Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items

Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm also very interested! :3

I would like to see the gods too, but I'm actually interested in what the training will entail. By Diggory's last comment, I'm guessing it's something difficult.
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items

Legends
9744 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really liking this premise more now, especially after you first told me about it. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Sounds like "The Hunger Games" meets "The Selection" serieses. (Seriei? What is the plural for series?) Are we going to learn about the other women she's been sent up with or no?
_________________

© 2007-2016 Lilith
It's time to get the chains out, is your tongue tied up?
'Cause this is my ground & I'm dangerous;
And you can get off, but it's all about me tonight
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 10
Posts: 610
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items

Legends
3737 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm definitely drawn in by the title, and every detail only leaves me with more questions- perfect for an intro in my opinion. Can't wait to see more!
_________________
So I've returned with a new SG, check it out!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Chapter
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2015 10:49 pm    Post subject: Chapter 1 Reply with quote

Thanks for all the replies and support, everyone! I'm very excited about this story. It is something very different from most of what I've encountered in things I've recently read, and I'm LOVING writing it. On with the story!

~#*TSD*#~

“I wonder what they’re like,” the girls are chatting excitedly as I enter on Diggory’s arm.

“I’ll bet War is dreamy,” another one is saying. “All of the paintings of him look so regal!”

“You’re so lucky you’re an Offering for him! I’m not sure what Death will be like,” the dark haired woman shudders.

The motion of my eyes rolling is involuntary.

“That’s precisely the type of thing you’re going to have to control, Miss Kaija,” Diggory hisses out a whisper.

“Sorry,” I mutter in reply. “It’s just that they’re all so excited to be given up to men they’ve never even met, and six women have been chosen every year for how many years now? How old are these guys, and how many wives do they have??”

Diggory turns on me and grasps my shoulders with his large hands, locking gazes with me urgently.

“These ‘guys’ are our gods,” his tone is frightening. “You would be shocked at how very few wives they have in comparison to the number of women offered. Let that be a warning.”

Suddenly, Diggory’s face softens, and he kisses my forehead. He must see the shock on my face.

“I am sorry if I’ve frightened you, but you must be careful. Trust no one.”

“Offerings! Offerings, this way!” an annoyingly cheerful voice sounds off behind me.

Diggory’s face falls into a scowl.

“I mean no one,” he repeats. “Keep. Your head. Down.”

Gently, he pushes my head down, and turns, walking swiftly out the door through which we entered. When he does, the eighteen guards pull on massive, golden rings until thirteen inches worth of beautifully stained, cherry wood closes with a thud. The sound causes my heart to pound with its finality.

There is no going back now; I’m trapped.

“Offerings, please gather over here!” that annoying voice chatters again.

I lift my small bag and join the others. They are still giggling excitedly, but a slender, older woman shushes them. She stands roughly six feet tall, and she reminds me of the pictures of the birds called cranes I’ve read about.

“Ladies, my name is Ophelia, and I shall be your guide and one of your many teachers. You all look simply lovely in your Offering dresses. Before that look gets spoiled and tired, you’ll be meeting the lords. Once they’ve had a good look at you and decided if there will be any trading, you’ll be shown to your new quarters,” her tone darkens slightly. “Be on your best behavior, Offerings. If the lords see anything that displeases them, it will be dealt with swiftly and severely.”

The other women around me look troubled for the first time since we got in the wagon.

It’s about time,” I think bitterly.

“Come on, then, we mustn’t keep them waiting!” the woman smiles brightly, and my cohorts lose all trace of concern.

Sheep.

“Be silent unless spoken to, Offerings,” Ophelia continues, “and always keep your eyes lowered in the presence of the gods.”

We file slowly into what appears to be a large throne room of some kind. If I thought the outside of the palace was impressive, it is a garbage heap compared to this room. On my left side, elegant, velvet banners of blue and silver are draped from the ceiling. Pillars of amber-colored marble rise up to the vaulted ceiling that is painted with vivid images. The images themselves are morbid, at best, but the art of them is stunning.

My eyes wander over to the other side, and the colors begin shifting from the blue on my right, to hues of burgundy and silver on my left. Pedestals are scattered around the room housing antiquities that would value an entire city block.

I’m busily gawking at the ceiling when I slam into the girl in front of me—Amberline is her name, I believe. She gasps, and it is then that I realize all of the other women have their eyes downcast.

“Sorry,” I hiss.

Amberline’s only response is to take my hand and pull me up beside her. Everyone else has formed a line perpendicular to the one we were in a moment ago. I am near the left hand side.

I follow the example of the other women and stare at the floor. There is complete silence for a moment before Ophelia speaks again.

“My gracious lords of War and Death, I present you this year’s offering!”

There is silence again, and then I hear the clear ringing of boots hitting the marble floors. The tone changes as the person causing it retreats to the other end of the line.

“Is this really the best they could do?” The voice that just spoke, impatiently, is a rumbling baritone that echoes endlessly in the vast space like a boom of thunder—not the initial clap, but the enduring, limitless roll that can be felt in the chest long after the sound has abandoned the ears.

“Are they not pleasing to you, Milord?” Ophelia sounds slightly panicked.

“They’ll do, I suppose,” the voice sounds tired.

While the man I have yet to see examines the women on the far right, we on the opposite side are left to wait. I find it strange that only one figure is coming to inspect the livestock when Ophelia obviously mentioned both of the “gods” we’ll be serving. I can’t help but wonder which we’re currently encountering.

Just then, I get the unmistakable sense of being watched—no, that isn’t strong enough. If this feeling were any more intense, I’d swear the guilty party would stare a hole straight through me. After a moment’s hesitation, curiosity overpowers my better judgment, and I look up to find the source of the discomfort. I locate the perpetrator immediately, and my eyes are instantly locked in the gaze of the most intriguing person I’ve ever seen.

His eyes are the palest of greens, but that color is rimmed by the blackest shade of pine imaginable. The man’s hair is frosty white, though his alabaster skin shows no sign of age, and around his eyes are dark, purple circles, as though he hasn’t slept in weeks. He is incredibly thin, and his entire frame is wrapped in black with blue and silver accents, from the cloak around his neck to the boots on his feet. Despite his bare-human appearance, the man is strikingly handsome.

A shiver runs up my spine. No one needs tell me with whom I’m currently engaged. Though he is standing nearly fifty feet from me, I am stricken with his aura, and I cannot move. His face is utterly expressionless, and I cannot tell what it is that he’s thinking. I have never before feared for my life more than I do in this moment. Though I do not believe he is a god, the man staring at me is no mere human.

His name is Death.

“You, there!” The baritone shocks me out of the entrapment.

Gratitude washes over me as I turn to look at the other man. This must be War.

War’s eyes are a strange mixture of crimson and brown—almost like that of blood running along the dusty ground. His hair is the same auburn red as Amberline’s. Not many people carry that color anymore. It is beautiful. His face, a stark contrast to Death’s, is pinked and full of vigor. His clothing is crimson with silver accents like that of the banners on the left side of the hall. He, too, is a stunningly attractive being.

My relief is gone as quickly as it came, however. War is barreling toward me as though he’s going to kill me, himself, and the look on his face is not one of pleasantry. His hand flies up, and before I have time to react, a stinging pain sears my face, and I find myself sprawled on the ground.

“You dare meet the gaze of your gods??” He rages at me. “You are a slave, and you will act as such. Do you understand??”

No one around me speaks. The taste of blood fills my mouth, and my thoughts go into a frenzy. Is this real? Is this my life now? Have I gone from a free woman to one who lives to examine the floors?

In my peripheral vision, I see that Death is still staring at me. He seems to be one step closer than he was before, but otherwise, his stony visage has not changed. War is standing over me, awaiting my next move.

Slowly, shakily, I stand and wipe the blood from my mouth. Hot tears sting my eyes, but I blink them back. I will not cry now. I do not have time now to mourn my pitiful state. I have to make a decision. Even as I wipe the blood from my hand onto the dress that is a sign of my hated imprisonment, my sense of self-preservation does battle with my sense of honor and self worth.

My father once told me that I had no need to lower my eyes to any man, and powerful as he is, I firmly believe that War is just that—a man. Then again, my father would also like to see me alive again one day.

I pause for a moment, and then I act. For better or worse, I have made my decision.

~#*TSD*#~

And there's your DP! Does Kaija keep her defiant spirit and look up at him again, or does she give in to his demand and show a bit of humility? Does she do something else entirely? It's up to you! This may seem like a small DP, but it really is HUGE. This one moment will define Kaija's relationship with War and all the other characters from here on out. Choose wisely. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Vishal Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Topics: 22
Posts: 816
Location: City Of IF!

Items

Legends
4921 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My initial reaction was to spit the blood on to his face, but on second thoughts, that doesn't really seem to the best option. It doesn't even seem like an option at all. It might be viable if we knew for sure that Death would protect us, but it is still an iffy kind of situation. I don't think we really have a choice here, give in to his orders, and pretend to do it pleasantly. Moreover, we have no idea how these guys choose their brides, what they do with the ones that aren't chosen (we're assuming murder, but really don't know for sure), so it looks like there's only one option to me. I am already hating this War guy xP

As far as the writing is concerned, there isn't really much I can add to what I've been saying all along. Superbly written. Takes me back to the good old LoK days, except I'm actually more intrigued with how this is developing xD
_________________




The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Vikas Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Topics: 30
Posts: 598


Items

Legends
3192 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Argh.

As much as I hate to say it, she should probably lower her gaze for a bit. I want her alive and well at first, but who's to say what would happen if she looks back up?

Im really intrigued by this story. It's beautifully written and I cant wait for it to continue. Great job as usual, An xD
_________________
Vikas Muralidharan

Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Wink



Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items

Legends
9744 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 9:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Based on Diggory's reaction to Kaija's presence and Ophelia's advice to just behave themselves and act humble in the hall of the "gods", I'm going to agree with these guys that a little bit of humility at this beginning stage of the story is wise. However, she has been spoken to, so she can respond with something to smooth over the incident, should she wish it after she drops her eyes, if only to keep herself ALIVE. Something like "My apologies to both of you. I was simply too astonished to be here to remember my manners. It won't happen again." Or something similar, take your pick. But this way she can soothe War's immediate dislike and keep Death from having to step in for her just yet. It is a bit early to engage someone with this much power head on at the moment in a battle of wits and wills.
_________________

© 2007-2016 Lilith
It's time to get the chains out, is your tongue tied up?
'Cause this is my ground & I'm dangerous;
And you can get off, but it's all about me tonight
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items

Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*nods* she might be strong willed, and she might view them as just men...but there was no obscurity when they said she could easily die.

Even for the strong willed, it's best to swallow your pride in order to not die stupidly Razz
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 10
Posts: 610
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items

Legends
3737 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess I'm in the minority here in that I want her to maintain eye contact, but I just like dissension. Failing that, I'm all for the 'smooth things over with some glib words' thing, though that might offend them more than mere silence. Honestly, I want her to maintain eye contact for just a moment, and then lower her gaze. Just to prove that she does it because she wishes it, not because they do.
_________________
So I've returned with a new SG, check it out!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Tikanni Corazon
Honored Citizen



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Topics: 74
Posts: 1268
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Items

Legends
18190 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brilliant first chapter, Andi! Not disappointed, that's for sure.

I'm interested to know what kind of time this is set? The whole premise of the story makes one automatically think of ancient Greece or the like, but I'm not entirely sure. It would also be interesting to know more about the ways of the people of this world. These offerings, are they virgins aka pure ( my apologies if that has already been answered, my brain is a little mushy the last few weeks and not everything seems to sink in, lol)? If so, how much freedom do women have to do as they please, in terms of when they marry and such, as 25 seems quite late-blooming when compared to most cultures in which women are thought of as less. If they're not virgins, are they snatched away from already established families at the whim of the gods?

Needless to say, this story has me asking questions and craving answers, always the mark of a good tale!

I say she holds War's gaze for a moment in slight defiance, then lowers her eyes as told. I feel that would pacify her character, yet not render her disobedient of the gods orders.

Much enjoyed!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Sapphire_Rayne
Resident



Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 37


Items

Legends
745 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, so no one has mentioned it (I don't think anyways), but I am loving how descriptive you are when it comes to the gods. I adore when authors do that! Death's eyes sound so gorgeous. . . If I met a guy like that in real life, I'd swoon. Can't wait to see what happens. ^^
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to say thank you to everyone for your responses! You've come up with some great ideas. =)

Saphire, welcome aboard! It's always nice to see fresh blood...*ahem* I mean new readers. =D Your comment was greatly appreciated, though, and I thought it was very sweet. I enjoy description of people quite a lot.

I'll leave the poll for another day or so, then I want to get writing again! This one has totally taken over my thoughts. haha! (Which is good for you all, but bad for the book I'm supposed to have out by November. XD)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
sagittaeri
Scifi/Experimental Mod



Joined: 05 May 2012
Topics: 16
Posts: 367


Items

Legends
2730 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 7:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


Oh wow, Andi, this is amazing. I love the way you write. You have a way of making me identify and care for the protagonist of this story. The descriptions are simply beautiful, and I love the protagonist's spirit.

If the poll was still up, I would've voted for her to bide her time. I'll join the next DP! Very Happy


_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Chapter
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 12:46 pm    Post subject: Chapter 2 Reply with quote

Pride and Honor or Self Preservation?
Keep her eyes lowered, and stay silent [ 1 ]
Keep her eyes lowered, but say something deceptively cheeky [ 2 ]
Look up [ 2 ]
Look up and back down. [ 4 ]

Alright! I'm so excited about the feedback I'm hearing on this one! For this DP, I had to alter it in order to keep all of the characters in character, but there is definitely a "Look up, Look down." It's just that there's a bit in between the up and the down. Haha!

I hope you all like it!

~#*TSD*#~
Taking a deep breath, I set my jaw and raise my eyes to meet War’s gaze. I will only hold it for a moment. I will give him this battle, but it will be on my terms.

I see immediately that my plan isn’t going to work out as I’d intended. I have failed to factor in War’s explosive temper. I wasn’t fully aware of that temper until this moment, but now I am. Fully.

Without warning, faster than I can see, War backhands me across the face, sending me to the ground once more. My head slams into the marble as I fall, and my vision turns to white spots. Where I lay on the floor, War plants his booted foot squarely into my ribs, knocking every bit of air from my lungs.

“It seems our first failure will come on the first day!” War bellows.

I hear the clear ring of a sword being drawn and the cumulative gasp of the other women in the room.

“Well, at least I didn’t have to endure this long,” I think as I await the final blow with my body tense and my eyes clenched shut.

“I’ll take her if you think she’ll be too much for you to handle,” I hear a new voice speak in cool, mid-range tenor.

Evidently, War has been distracted by the intrusion enough that he pauses my execution. I feel the cold metal of his sword resting on the back of my neck. Ending my life, now, would be a simple as putting a few pounds of pressure on that blade. I know that the only thing standing between eternity and me is the owner of that beautiful voice.

“You would put up with this insolence?” War sounds truly intrigued.

I manage to subtly turn my head to where I am able to see the other speaker. Death, still showing no emotion, has stepped but one pace further forward. He is holding War’s confused gaze with what I can honestly say is the best “poker face” I have ever seen. It is completely impossible to read his intentions.

After a moment more of empty staring, Death shrugs his thin shoulders.

“She would be a challenge,” he says nonchalantly. “None of these other women seem interested in offering much in the way of excitement. It might be nice to have a fiery one, for a change.”

There is silence for a time while War comes to a decision.

“Perhaps you are right,” he says finally. “A feisty woman would be most interesting. Breaking her might actually be some sport.”

I’d really love to bite him. War’s ankle isn’t too far from my face. I probably couldn’t draw blood through that leather boot, but I could at least give him a reason to dance for a moment. I decide that it might be better to go with my original plan, however. I got in my last look. It would be better, now, to be compliant. I’m not sure I could remain conscious if he hit me again, and even if I could, I’m not sure Death’s teasing could distract War if I anger him again so soon after the last time.

Speaking of Death, it would seem that Diggory was right. I cannot trust anyone. I am mere sport to them both, just like all of the rest of the Offerings. Death may be less violent, for now, but to him, I am nothing but a “challenge” to “break”.

I am worthless here.

If I die during the Disciplines, I’ll be forgotten, and if I live, I’ll be a nameless face in an endless harem.

I find myself praying that this is all a dream, and I’ll wake up in my own bed, with my loving family, and none of this will be real. It is real, though—very real.

“Alright, Offering,” War huffs, nudging me with his boot, “Death, here, has brought up an interesting point. Your defiant spirit is a bit amusing. Just don’t push me too far.”

I feel the sharp edge of the sword leave the back of my neck, and I hear his boots retreating.

“Come on, Death. I don’t see any of yours that look better than mine, so no trading.”

“Are you alright?” I hear Amberline’s voice. She kneels beside me.

“Leave her,” Ophelia speaks with disdain. “I will show the rest of you to your quarters. As for you, you have been spared the fitting punishment for your behavior, thanks only to His Lordship’s mercy and kindness. There is a washroom down the corridor to your left. Clean yourself up, and clean up this mess. I will be back for you when the other Offerings are settled.”

Ophelia and the other women head off in the direction in which we came.

For the first time since I arrived, I am truly alone. I am alone, and I feel like breaking. I lower my head to the cold marble beneath me. It feels good on my battered head.

The tears I’d held back earlier will no longer be restrained, and I take a moment to mourn my old life and wallow in self-pity. The tears flow freely and mix with my blood on the floor.

I am afraid.

I am heartbroken and lonely and frightened and in pain, and there is no one coming to my aid. My mother is not here to pick me up and wipe my tears. My father is not going to bandage my head and tell me to be more careful with myself.

“Why, God?” I bring up a trembling hand to muffle the sound of my broken sobs. “Why have You put me here?”

“What is your name?” someone asks.

That voice is beautiful…a mid-range tenor…

Immediately, I stop sobbing and open my eyes. I am staring at a pair of black boots. The cloak that hangs behind them is also black with blue and silver accents.

Death.

Fear shoots up my spine again, and I answer him shakily.

“Kaija.”

“Hmm…Kay-aa,” he says the name slowly, pronouncing each syllable. “What a lovely name. The vibrancy suits you well.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“Come, now,” his voice is hushed too, “you must get up and clean this mess. Ms. Ophelia will be back for you soon.”

The gentlest hand wraps around my arm and pulls me upward. I am facing the empty room, and my head begins to spin. I stumble, but another arm encircles my waist, steadying me from behind.

“Easy, Kaija,” Death says softly. “He hit you very hard. You’ll likely feel that for a few days.”

I nod in answer.

“Go, now,” he gently urges me forward. “And, Kaija…”

I stop, but I do not turn around.

“Be careful,” I cannot read his voice. “I was able to stop him this time, but if you anger him again, I may not be able to save you.”

I am not sure how to respond. Did he really only say those things to save me?

“Trust no one,” I hear Diggory’s words in my mind.

“Thank you. I will,” I finally say.

Saying anything but “thank you” would be highly disrespectful to the man who just saved my life regardless of his intentions.

I slowly make my way to the washroom and use a rag to wipe the blood from my head, wincing as I hit tender spots. Some cool water swished in my mouth takes care of that terrible, irony taste. When I am finished, I splash more water on my face and dry it with a towel before heading back out into the large hall to clean the floor.

When I arrive, though, I am shocked to see the marble is already spotless without a single trace of my mess. Did Death do this for me?

“There you are,” Ophelia is marching toward me. “Follow me.”

I can hear from the tone in her voice that she no longer has much use for me. I suppose I cannot blame her. She has a job. That job is getting us girls to conform, and I did not conform as I was supposed to this time.

Ophelia leads me down a series of hallways to a large room. It is a vast, open space. On the right side of the room, there is a row of columns with tables and chairs beneath them. Beyond those, a covered veranda the size of my house opens to a breathtaking scene.

We are on a cliff side, overlooking a bowl-type landscape. Mountains and ravines are in the distance, and in the valleys between are forests and rivers that could be from the Blessed Garden itself. I see animals running that I have only ever read about in books. They are thought to be extinct in the outside world. In the far distance, between the peaks of the furthest mountains, I swear I can make out the glittering of the sea.

Behind me, in the room, there are six beds, and they are lavish, to say the least. The three on the inner side of the room belong to those offered to Death. They are draped with canopies of blue, black, and silver. The three closer to the veranda are for the three of us offered to War. Their thick, velvet canopies are of burgundy and silver. Beside each bed is a wardrobe. I guess that our new clothes are housed there.

“The other Offerings have put away their things, and they are enjoying some free time,” I had quite forgotten that Ophelia was still with me. The wonder of this room had captivated me fully. “Get yourself settled, and the rest of the evening is yours. You may go anywhere on the grounds outside, and you are free to explore inside as well. The Masters’ wings are sealed, so you won’t wander into any more trouble. You may also stay here if you wish. Food will be brought here for you at sunset. Tomorrow, you will be assigned your duties. I will see you then.”

With that, she was gone, and I was left with another decision. Acquainting myself with the palace would be a smart option. I am going to be living here, so it would be good to learn my way around. That garden outside was beautiful, though. Wandering through all of those fragrant flowers would be quite relaxing, and I might be able to find Diggory. Staying here doesn’t sound like a half bad idea either, though. I am tired and hurting. Spending the evening on the veranda before that incredible view is awfully enticing in its own way.

“What to do?” I sigh, arranging my small collection of belongings in the drawers of my wardrobe—all but one.

My tiny copy of the Holy Book gets tucked under my mattress with a kiss. Prints of it are rare and illegal. It’s best to keep that close and hidden.

After I’ve finished, I stand with another sigh and go to carry out my plans for the evening.

~#*TSD*#~

There you go! What does Kaija do with what might be the last free evening she gets for a while?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items

Legends
9744 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am still enjoying this! Now as for what she should do... Wander the garden of course! Maybe Diggory will have some bandages or a helpful ointment or something for Kaija's poor head.
_________________

© 2007-2016 Lilith
It's time to get the chains out, is your tongue tied up?
'Cause this is my ground & I'm dangerous;
And you can get off, but it's all about me tonight
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items

Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, after getting our asses kicked, it's probably a good idea to not force ourselves to explore the grounds. It's very large, and we might get lost. We need the est, probably exploring the gardens at most.
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items

Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I'm going to like Death quit a lot, and I'm going to want to punch War in the face, heh.

I would say she should explore the palace. There could be some interesting places to find!


Last edited by themightyzan on Sun Sep 20, 2015 4:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Sapphire_Rayne
Resident



Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 37


Items

Legends
745 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love your writing! I'm going to love Death, in fact I love him already. War though, definitely want to give that man a piece of my mind, considering a punch to his face might only excite the man.

Considering we've been hit twice now today, I think it'd be safe to rest. But that would be going against my sense of adventure! Perhaps taking a trip into the garden would be nice. I'm sure the flowers would make us feel a tiny bit better, plus if Diggory is there then maybe we could get some answers!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
sagittaeri
Scifi/Experimental Mod



Joined: 05 May 2012
Topics: 16
Posts: 367


Items

Legends
2730 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poor girl's living with the "gods", now. The best way to survive is to acquaint herself with her new environment... namely the people e.g. Ophelia, Diggory and Amberline, and find out the politics of the place.

Kaija strikes me as a very smart woman, so I can definitely see her do that. Smile


_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 10
Posts: 610
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items

Legends
3737 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm loving this! I started reading it waiting for a bus, and was devastated when the bus came, because I had to put my phone up.

I like the descriptions of the land, though between that and her 'holy book' I find myself with more and more questions, which is great!

As much as I'd like to suggest resting, I thrive on coming up with new ideas- I think she should take the time to read some of that illegal book now, while perhaps she will have time alone. Never know when the next time that might be.

_________________
So I've returned with a new SG, check it out!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Seraphi
General Fiction Mod



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Topics: 2
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Items

Legends
5512 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Andi! Loving this new SG :3

I'm all caught up and I'd say the best thing is to know the people. Diggory said not to trust anybody, but understanding how they work is the best defense to avoiding any potential mishaps and mayhem in the future. Kaija should grab Amberline or one of the other girls for a talk and tour the gardens as they go (because they sound pretty and need to be roamed).
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Vikas Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Topics: 30
Posts: 598


Items

Legends
3192 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Huh. Wander around, OBVIOUSLY Razz

Kidding, I just want an exciting story, so yes, wander around Id say. Loving the writing as usual. Great job!
_________________
Vikas Muralidharan

Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Wink



Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, everyone! Is Vishal the only one we're still waiting on? I'm excited to write more. XD
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Vishal Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Topics: 22
Posts: 816
Location: City Of IF!

Items

Legends
4921 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Absolutely no questions, wander around!

Wonderful chapter An! The whole plot is setting up very nicely, and I can't wait to read more of this. Absolutely loving it!
_________________




The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woo!! And we're polling! Tell your friends because I want to keep writing. XD
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
sagittaeri
Scifi/Experimental Mod



Joined: 05 May 2012
Topics: 16
Posts: 367


Items

Legends
2730 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted! Sorry, it appears I have caused a tie... Sad

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items

Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted! i made it not a tie, heh.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 653
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Items

Legends
2395 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, here I am with my first SG to be read after an epic hiatus. My my, what've you done to these ageing bones, having them sit to read through a fine story like this...

I'd say, she'd go out into the gardens. Our minx is a free spirit, but she is intelligent enough to suppose how the inside looks and works for the most part. She'd want to see what's out there.

Keep it rolling, stone, this'll be a fine piece if I ever prophesied one. Wink

EDIT: Unluckily, I tied it again. Oh the horror. (OAO);
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.




Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
misterbiz
Horror Mod



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Topics: 49
Posts: 453
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Items

Legends
2724 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am digging this. I vote go to the garden and try to find Diggory and see if he has any information to help us survive this place.
_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger
Author Chapter
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items

Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What to do with free time?
Wander the garden 54% [ 6 ]
Wander the palace 27% [ 3 ]
Stay and rest/read the Holy Book 9% [ 1 ]
Author's vote (Andolyn only) 9% [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 11

Yay, new chapter!

~#*TSD*#~
I need some fresh air. I recognize that there is plenty of fresh air in this room, with the entire wall opening to a veranda, but I need to be out of this building. I feel that if I stay much longer, I’ll be smothered in rich blue and burgundy.

I fight the urge to run as I cross the throne room toward the massive front doors. They are closed firmly, and I have no idea how to go about getting them open.

“Please, open,” I whimper pitifully, as though the cherry wood will answer me of its own accord.

To my shock, there is a crack, followed by endless groaning as the hinges bearing the weight of the doors complain at being forced to move. Even as I stand there, the eighteen guards are pushing the door open for me.

“That’s far enough,” I say, wondering if it was actually me they were obeying. “I can get through that space easily.”

The door grinds to a halt as the men fight to stop the forward momentum.

“Thank you, very much,” I say with a slight bow as I hurriedly slide out the door.

The sun is setting with beautiful shades of orange, pink, and purple as I practically fly down the front stairs and sprint into the endless rows of flowers. I haven’t run far before I start to grow light headed.

Death warned me that I would feel this way for a few days.

Before I can run no further, I find one of the many fountains and sit on the side. For the first time since I’ve arrived, I see my reflection. My once-perfect braid, piled on my head, is now a bloody, disheveled mess, and despite my efforts in the washroom, my face is still bloody as well. Bruises are starting to form both where I was struck and where I contacted the floor. I’m certain my ribs are equally bruised.

A feeling of needing to clean myself more thoroughly washes over me. I glance around, quickly, before moving to where my feet and legs are in the cold water. Normally, I would find it uncomfortable, but after running in the December heat, it feels incredible.

I reach up and untie the ribbon holding my hair in place, and golden curls cascade down to where my knees would be if I were still standing. I run my fingers through the silky curtain to ensure that all of the braids are undone. I find a bit of resistance around the front from the blood that has caked there.

Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to slide completely into the water’s refreshing chill. I run my fingers through my hair again, feeling the resistance fade before relaxing and simply allowing the water to cradle me. For the first time since I arrived, I feel safe in its embrace. The world is silent here. It is cool and dark and beautiful. If only I could remain here forever.

Alas, eventually, my lungs demand air, and I am forced to return to the hot air outside. Remaining submerged up to my chin keeps me mostly comfortable as I catch my breath.

“Bathing in the fountain…most odd,” a voice causes me to start. “We do have bathing facilities, you know.”

“I know,” I reply quickly, fumbling to get over the stone barrier between the flower fields and me. “I apologize. I was just hot, and it looked cool…”

I look around, but the owner of the voice is nowhere to be seen. Confused, I sit for a moment, wringing my out my long hair.

“No need for apology, miss,” finally, I see movement to my right.

A short, man appears from the next row of flowers. I fight the urge to giggle at his appearance. He, too, bears that rare, beautiful hair color; the hair on his head and the beard on his face are fire red. He has mischief in his eyes, and his overall aura is one of oddity.

“Bathe in the fountain if ya want,” he shrugs. “Barnaby doesn’t judge.”

"Thank…you,” I manage to mumble as I work to put my mane back in its braid.

Once I’ve succeeded, I wrap the long thing around and around my head until I’ve got a pile of hair in a makeshift bun once more.

Barnaby comes closer and whistles quietly.

“Got yourself a shiner, there, didn’t cha?” he says, motioning to my face.

“Yeah,” I press my lips into a line. “I had the honor of meeting Lord War this evening.”

“Ticked him off already, huh?” Barnaby giggles. The sound is almost musical. “Good on ya. Guy’s a jerk.”

My eyes widen. I am astounded to hear someone speak negatively of one of the gods.

“What’s that look for?” Barnaby giggles again. “Just because he’s a god doesn’t mean he needs to be a raging—.”

“Shh!” I cut him off. “What if someone hears you?”

“Hmm,” he frowns at me with a look of disappointment. “Maybe not as interesting as I thought.”

“What?” I cock my head to the side.

“Nothing,” Barnaby’s quirky smile returns, and he heads off toward the eastern side of the palace. “You should come have Diggory look at that face of yours. He might have something for it.”

“You know Diggory?” Hearing this, I immediately take off after the little man, somewhat happy for the first time today.

“Of course I know Diggory,” though I can’t see them, I can feel Barnaby’s eyes rolling. “He’s only the one in charge of the palace grounds.”

Diggory is that important? I should have known that. If he’s trusted to venture outside and bring back the offerings, he must be rather high up around here.

I stay silent as I follow Barnaby around to the biggest stable I’ve ever seen. I should really get used to things being big. It seems to be a theme here.

“Diggory!!” Barnaby yells loudly. “Oy, Diggory!!! Where are you, Diggory??”

“For the love of everything sacred, Barnaby, what do you want??” I hear an impatient voice coming around the corner of one of the buildings.

Within seconds, Diggory comes into view, and he doesn’t look happy.

“What is it?” He demands. “Some of us are actually working around h—Miss Kaija!!”
Instantly, Diggory drops the horse brush in his hand and runs forward.

“Ya see, I was working, but then I ran into this one trying to drown herself in one of the western fountains…”

“Good lord, child, what happened?” Diggory gently takes my face in his hands and turns my head to better assess the damage.

“Said she got into it with War,” Barnaby giggles again.

“That will be quite enough out of you,” Diggory snaps, and Barnaby runs off the way we came, giggling madly as he goes. “Oh, child, I told you to keep your head down.”

“I did,” I wince as he touches the place War hit me. “I mean I was, but then I got the feeling someone was staring at me—”

“Of course they were staring,” Diggory’s voice is concerned as he leads me into the building from which he exited earlier. “They were assessing which of you they wanted to keep. It’s a thousand wonders he didn’t kill you right there.”

“He was going to, but Death stopped him,” I answer, stepping carefully over the uneven floor of the stable.

“What??” Diggory stops short. “Did you say Death stopped him?

“Yeah,” I nod, confused by Diggory’s astonishment. “War had his sword on my neck and everything, and death said, ‘I’ll take her if she’s too much for you to handle’.”

“And then what happened?” Diggory stares holes through me while I fumble to recount the events.

“Then War decided he wouldn’t kill me, and everyone left. After they were gone for a minute, Death came back and helped me up.”

“He did what?” I think Diggory might die of shock if I continue, but I doubt he’s going to let me stop at this point.

“He came back, asked me my name, and helped me up,” I recite this as though I’m performing. “Then, when I came out of the washroom to clean up the floor, it was already clean. I guess he did that for me.”

“This is bizarre,” Diggory rubs a hand through his hair before continuing forward once more.

“Why?” I trot to keep up with him.

“War is the alpha of the gods,” Diggory explains calmly. “His word is law among the others, and of all the gods I’ve met, Death is, by far, the most reserved. He must be very interested in you if he would step out in front of War like that.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say he stepped out,” I sigh. “He actually made it sound like I was just sport.”

“And by doing such, he not only saved your life,” Diggory stops to turn on me again, “he endangered his own. No one contradicts War. If Death spoke up on your behalf, you owe him more than you could possibly repay.”

“You don’t sound happy that he saved me,” I frown.

By this time, we have reached a small shack on the side of the lavish building. Diggory ducks inside and digs through a medicine box. After a moment, he turns with an ointment in his hand and begins applying it to my face and head while he speaks.

“Please, do not misunderstand, child,” his voice is considerably softer now. “I am beyond relieved to see you standing here, but if Death has taken an interest in you, an Offering to War, enough so that he would step out for you…you’re in for a world of trouble, child. Stay away from him. If you don’t take another piece of advice from me, listen to this one. Stay away from that god.”

“Master Diggory!” I hear Ophelia’s voice from outside. “Master Diggory, I’m looking for one of my Offerings. Have you seen her??”

“In here, Ms. Ophelia,” Diggory rolls his eyes.

“Kaija, what on earth are you doing in here? And why are you all wet??” Ophelia barges in and begins chastising me.

“Calm down, Ophelia,” Diggory states calmly, continuing to dab ointment on my face. “Miss Kaija, here, was just getting a head start on seeing what her duties will be. She is one of mine, right? I figured while she was here, I’d patch her up. The gods wouldn’t want a blemished Offering, now would they?”

Ophelia’s disbelief is obvious in her scowl, but she doesn’t challenge Diggory. The middle-aged man, on the other hand, shows no signs of distress as Ophelia continues to huff.

“Well, hurry up. Dinner is waiting in the dining hall, and baths are available. At some point tonight you’re going to want to sleep.”

“Calm yourself, Ophelia,” Diggory says smoothly. “I will take her wherever she’d like to go as soon as I’m finished here. I’ll make sure she’s safely tucked into bed before the night is over.”

Ophelia stands, fuming, in the doorway for a moment longer before she storms out of the stable.

“I’ve never had much patience for that woman,” Diggory sighs when she’s gone. He closes the lid on the salve and tosses it back in the medical box. “Alright, dear, where to?” He asks, holding out his arm to me.

~#*TSD*#~

There's your DP! Where does Diggory take us? A real bath? A meal? Bed? Something else? What's our next move? You decide!


Last edited by Andolyn on Mon Sep 28, 2015 9:43 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items

Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 1:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*After a bit of a delay* Alright! Good, we found Diggory AND found out some useful information.

I'd like to just say that this is wonderfully written, again, and that I'm really interested in finding out why Death seems to like us. Maybe it's because we looked up a second time? Besides that, we owe him something now. I'd like to find out how deep we are in debt, and how much trouble we caused for the godly man.

That said, none of that is really an option now...I doubt Diggory would take us straight to Death given how frightening the gods are, and that he just warned us to stay away. XP

But a sufficient option would be to go to dinner, I think Smile

1. It just wouldn't do to be (too) late for dinner after we're still in hot water with War.

2. The dinner hall will no doubt have people and conversation, conversation being an important tool for info gathering, even if you're not the one talking.

3. We got beat up and are probably tired from the day, I say we get food in our bellies quickly so that we can get on with what little else there is to do on the first night.
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 653
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Items

Legends
2395 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tres bien! So, info, info... while we're at info, I'd say Diggory shows us some kind of observation spot or a place that could help Kaija if she decides to take the cautious and neutral path. Somewhere secluded with somewhat of a view of the mansion or the grounds.

I mean, that man knows his stuff, he must have some tidbit to help her survive. And I agree with KK, she does need food and sleep so he would probably just point her in the right direction and then lead her to the baths.

Keep up the good work! Very Happy
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.




Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items

Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going to say he needs to take her to the baths. After everything that happened a hot bath would be very helpful and probably make her feel better.

As a side note, I really love Diggory! I like Ophelia too, but mainly because I like people giving her grief. ^.^
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Lilith
Honored Citizen



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Topics: 82
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Items

Legends
9744 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to say that the best bet would probably be to head off to dinner, a quick warm bath and then bed. Tomorrow promises to be a difficult day already and it isn't here yet.

Smile I'm adoring this story and I want more please.

_________________

© 2007-2016 Lilith
It's time to get the chains out, is your tongue tied up?
'Cause this is my ground & I'm dangerous;
And you can get off, but it's all about me tonight
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Reply to topic   printer-friendly view    Storygames Home -> Storygames: Fantasy All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Page 1 of 5
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group. Forum design by mtechnik, customized by City of IF
All site content © City of IF or the respective storygame authors.   Terms of use
Home   Book   Storygames   FAQ   Greek myth   About   Policies