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The Hidden Crime - Chapter 5 Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next   (currently a favorite of )    Storygames Home -> -> Storygames: Horror, Mystery and Suspense View previous topic :: View next topic   Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:13 am    Post subject: The Hidden Crime - Chapter 5 WARNING: CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE. The entire story (to date) in beautiful, readable HTML, courtesy of the wonderful Dropbox. Great for catching up, too. Link: The Hidden Crime Chapter 1: Clean up, or come clean? Murky red water was filling up the wash basin. The sounds of my ragged breaths echoed around my bathroom. No, no, no, this isn't working. I grabbed my toothbrush and frantically scrubbed my wrists, my fingers, my elbows, and---oh god, no---my face. I kept scrubbing. And scrubbing. If anyone could see me right now, they'd think I've lost it. Maybe I have. What happened last night? Fuck! Why was there blood everywhere? Wait, maybe it wasn't blood. I mean, I've never actually seen that much of it before. It was all over the white striped shirt I use when I go out to clubs. It stained one entire leg of my favourite pair of denim jeans. My bedsheets were practically soaked in it. And it wouldn't fuckin' wash off my hands! No, I told myself again. Stop. Calm down. Think. I shut my eyes, and forced myself to breath slowly. Evenly. I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror. I shut the tap and walked out of the bathroom. Everything looks normal, in its usual place. In the living room anyway. Nothing…red. Then, I had to force myself to step into my bedroom. The bedsheet was once white. The patch on the carpet next to my bed was once beige. Spots and smears marked my brown wool blanket. It's blood. It's definitely blood. There was so much of it that I can practically smell it in the air. I started to feel sick again. Maybe it was animal blood. What animal? You're in the middle of the city! If it wasn't an animal, then it must be… I must have turned around and fled, because the next thing I knew, I tripped over a coffee table in my living room and fell onto my bookshelf with a loud cuss. Before I could do anything, my weight on the lower shelf pulled the furniture off the wall, and it came crashing down right next to me, books and all. But I didn't care about the furniture. Fuck the books. All I wanted to know was what happened last night. Why can't I remember? Knock, knock. I jumped at the sound. Someone was at the front door. "Seb? You in there?" He knocked again. Daniel Reece. My best friend since I learnt how to build lego cars and paper spaceships. "Seb?" he tried again. "I heard something, man. Did something happen?" "It's nothing, Dan," I somehow managed to find the voice to say. "Don't worry about it." A moment passed before a reply came. "You okay, man? You sound kinda weird." Mister emotions-aren't-for-public actually sounded concerned. How much noise was I making? If he heard it, then my other neighbours must have heard it as well. Although, they've probably already left for work. "Seb?" Dan moved to this city before I did, when he landed a neurosurgery residency at a prestigious hospital. Some time later, when he heard that I was offered a job in the same city, he suggested that I move into the vacant unit next to his. "Seb, come on man, open the door." We probably only spent six months of our lives not being neighbours. Even when we were in college, we somehow ended up as dorm neighbours. I had seen him grow from the playful trouble-maker with pimples into someone who could be described as charming, intelligent and trustworthy. I think even his parents who loved him unconditionally was surprised at how well he turned out. "Hang in there, Seb. I'll get the spare key." It took me only about a second to realise that this was bad. Very bad. But, by then, it was already too late to call out and stop him. He had already gone back to his apartment. No, no, no, it's too soon. I hadn't even thought about what I was going to do, yet. Fuck, fuck, fuckery fuck! Maybe I should just let it happen. There was no one I trusted more than him, after all. Even so, one look at me and he'll surely think I'm a murderer. I paused. Am I? No, stop. I have to think about what to do. I looked around my apartment. A washing machine next to the bathroom. A laundry basket next to my bed. A wardrobe at the back of my bedroom. A shower and a bar of soap. A shameful thought ran through my head: maybe I can try to hide it all. I don't want to compromise my integrity, something that has been a part of me for, well, ever. But, I can't know how Dan will react when---if---he sees me like this. I do trust him, but, this goes way beyond best friend obligations. Is there another option? God-fuckin'-dammit. My head's been pounding ever since I woke up. Either way, I have to decide now. Knowing where he keeps my spare key, I only have a minute or two. Last edited by sagittaeri on Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:19 pm; edited 30 times in total Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:34 pm    Post subject: I'm intrigued by this story line...and as i'm sure Bizzy himself will tell you, it's nice to see someone else in the horror department. =) very impressive opening post. only minor grammatical errors, and the writing quality is fantastic. i would suggest, though, that due to the language used, we might move this one into the dark horror section perhaps? anyways, again, very impressive. a very warm welcome to If, and i can't wait to see more from you. for the DP, being the overly trusting person I am, i'm going to say let's trust the best friend. if theyre really that close, he's going to know something is up anyways. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 4:45 pm    Post subject: Thanks! I had no idea there was a dark horror section until you mentioned it. I managed to get it to show after playing around with the forum a bit. Uh, sorry about not realising there might be underaged people here! Now, I have to make a choice. I can either tone down the narrative and keep it here, or risk the story being moved to a restricted forum...damn, and here I thought I wouldn't have to be the one making choices! Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 5:21 pm    Post subject: Teeheehee...this site is all about decisions. Back to top Author misterbiz Horror Mod Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 461 Location: a chair in a cold dark living room Items Legends 2874 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 7:42 pm    Post subject: Welcome, welcome, welcome to the creepy cave. My name is Mister Biz, your moderator, and you have no idea how glad I am to have you here. I'm like ecstatic that I am no longer the only one here. I'm not just talking to myself no more. Maybe a teensy bit of my sanity can return...eh, nah. Moving on, I am intrigued by this. Yes, a good mystery about it. As for language, I wouldn't throw it to the dark section for that. Only when you start getting explicitly sexual or incredibly graphic when it comes to gore (when a majority of the insides become outside so to speak.) Language, I see, is a part of horror and life itself and as I tend to swear extensively in my longer pieces, I'm fine with language. For the dp, I say throw anything with blood on it in the washer and dive into that shower ASAP. Deny, deny, deny. This never happened. They may be friends but even The Unibomber got turned in by his own brother. So yes...denial...and I'll leave it up to you if you want me to move this over for ya. _________________ Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 8:55 pm    Post subject: Welcome to IF, Sagittaeri! This really is a very compelling opening post. It is well written, though I'd probably feel much better with a smaller font size, and maybe even italics for thought. But then again, that is entirely me, and its entirely your wish how you word your chapters. I'm still going to read along, because the plot itself is impressive As for moving this to the Dark Forum, I'd be against it, and not only because I'm underage. This is only some swearing, and you'd be okay if you just put up a warning on top of that post. Once again, well written and I'm looking forward to more! As for the DP, I'm going to suggest that you clean up immediately. Get in the shower, and when Dan gets in, tell him what happened. Something is obviously wrong, and we really need help. So I'm totally against lying to the best friend and probably making things much worse than they should be. _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 12:19 am    Post subject: Hi Biz and Vishal, thanks for reading and for the nice comments! I actually did intend to use italics for thoughts, so I typed out the chapter in Markdown as I'm able to export it to html. Unfortunately, I couldn't get html tags working in this forum, and I can't find a BBCode exporter from Markdown. I actually also agree about the font size. What's the policy on changing written chapters? Can I make aesthetics modifications at any time? Back to top Author misterbiz Horror Mod Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 461 Location: a chair in a cold dark living room Items Legends 2874 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 2:28 am    Post subject: I'm fine with you going back and changing things for aesthetics sake. I've done so, forget to italicize here, forget to caps lock there..go ahead, mon ami. _________________ Back to top Author Vikas Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600 Items Legends 3192 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:01 am    Post subject: Firstly, I've added a warning at the top of your post for the language it contains and marked the post as a chapter. You can edit/delete the warning if you wish, but the warning on top means you wont have to move it to a restricted frum Anyway, IMO, this is some really good writing. It was pretty good to get some info about the characters and the surroundings. The plot is interesting and I cant wait for the next chapter. DP? Just stay put. I dont think anything wrong could happen if the friend knew. Let him see what's happened Oh, and welcome to IF _________________ Vikas Muralidharan Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 5:44 am    Post subject: Hi Vikas, thanks for the encourage and the help with the warning label. I'm definitely keeping the label. By the way, I'm still trying to get a feel of when I should put the poll up. Just tell me when you think it's time. Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:40 am    Post subject: I'd say one week, so that's two more days. _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:29 am    Post subject: Polling now. I've only been here for a week, but I can already tell I'm gonna love it here. So many good, creative people around...this is going to be the most fun I've had in ages! Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 11:41 am    Post subject: Aww! Great! I can tell we're going to like you too. Lol How did you set your poll? It wouldn't let me vote. Did you add a limit of days to it? Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 11:45 am    Post subject: Yes, I did set a limit to the number of days. Whoops, was I not supposed to? Anyway, I remade the poll without a time limit this time, hopefully that made a difference. Back to top Author Vikas Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600 Items Legends 3192 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 7:36 pm    Post subject: Voted 8| You have a three-way tie now. Sorry _________________ Vikas Muralidharan Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 9:40 am    Post subject: Haha that's fine. Two other people voted, and now I have a 2-way tie. If no one else votes soon, I may have to cast my own vote. Or, is it possible to merge them? Back to top Author Phantomfan Citizen Joined: 01 May 2008 Posts: 309 Location: Deep within the music of the night Items Legends 2507 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 12:41 pm    Post subject: Hey Sagi! I'm super bummed I missed out on both the discussion and the voting, but I would just like to say that I am totally on board with this story! It has a nice, fast and readable pace with a really good hook. I'm guessing you're done with voting for now, but I could, I would vote with the 3rd option. Dan seems like a trust-worthy dude-- he'll probably help calm you down at least. I have to say, it's really nice to see another "horror" (or whatever you want to call it) writer around here. Welcome to IF! _________________ I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons... Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 2:06 pm    Post subject: Thanks, Phantomfan! It's too bad I didn't wait for one more day, because I already written up a lot of the next chapter. You vote would've changed a lot of it! But, I promise it's going to be a good chapter either way. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 9:50 am    Post subject: Chapter 2: Just another bloody day. The nicely formatted version: In HTML **************** *Move.* I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't focus. Every breath I took was a gasp for survival. *Move.* I wanted it to end. I should have just told Dan. I couldn't do this alone. I couldn't. *Move, now.* Even if he didn't trust me. Even if he went to the cops. At least I wouldn't be by myself. I was vaguely aware of the shuffling behind the wall next to me. Drawers were being opened and slammed shut. *It's in the 2nd drawer next to your coffee table, you dork.* Maybe if he wasn't so swamped with his neurosurgical residency, he might actually know his own apartment better than I did. *MOVE!* Suddenly, the fog in my mind cleared up. It felt like I had snapped awake. It then dawned on me that if I did nothing, Dan was going to find me covered in blood. Blood that wasn't mine. As if in reaction to this new layer of horror, piled on top of everything else, my body responded on its own. It leapt up from where it fell next to the collapsed bookshelf. Then, it sprinted across the living room, into my bedroom. **Slam.** That was his front door. *Ten seconds*. I grabbed my bedsheet and yanked it off frantically. *The carpet---shit!* I didn't have time to think, so I reached into my laundry basket, and tossed the first thing I could grab onto the bloody patch. Then, I dragged my bedsheet and my blanket into the living room. The sound of rattling keys reached my ears as it was being inserted into my deadbolt lock. I stuffed everything into my washing machine and tried to start it. *Dammit machine, turn on!* But I was too late. My front door clicked in satisfaction and was starting to swing open. My heart stopped in my chest. I dashed into my bathroom, but before I could close the bathroom door, I slipped over the wet tiles and fell on my side with a cuss. "Seb?" I heard Dan's concerned voice, as he walked towards me. I quickly reached over and pushed the door shut while I was still on my side. As I picked myself off the bathroom floor, I felt a numb aching sensation along my left ribs and thigh. I must have bruised it when I fell. I leaned against the door, afraid that Dan might try to enter. *Fuck, did he see?* He was looking right at me. Could he see the blood on my shirt or pants from that angle? What if he opened the washing machine, or kicked off my dirty laundry on the carpet stain? "Holy cakes," I heard him exclaim softly. Dread filled my already petrified heart. Suddenly aware of how guilty I must've looked, I tried to think of an explanation. One that my best friend would believe. Then, I was struck by a heavy dose of guilt. Why was I hiding from him? It was Dan. I could trust him. Just like he trusted me. It wasn't too late for me to come clean, explain it all to him. My wavering hand reached for the door handle. It was either that, or go through all this by myself. I wasn't strong enough, not for two years now. "What did you---what happened to your bookshelf?" I snatched my hand away from the handle. For the second time today, a fog cleared up in my mind. He saw nothing. He must have been distracted by the fallen furniture. "It, uh, fell." He chuckled. "Really? I couldn't have figured that one out myself!" A pause. "You okay, man?" "Yeah, of course. I'm just, you know, taking a shower now." It was only after I said it that I realised it was actually a good idea. I immediately turned on the shower and stripped off my blood-soaked clothes. I winced as I realised the bruises along my side was worse than I thought. I heard Dan's muffled acknowledgement over the shower noise. Under the spray, I scrubbed myself as hard as I could, until my skin turned red and raw. It was then I became aware of the dull pain in my right hand. When did I hurt my hand? After I was done, I grabbed my bloodied shirt and jeans and tried to drown them in soapy water. At first, it worked. But I quickly discovered that there were still large stains that wouldn't come off. *Fuck!* What do I do? It didn't occur to me that the blood stains might be permanent. There was no way I can leave the bathroom without Dan seeing this. My heart thumped violently in my chest. *Think, think, think, think---*yes, that's it. I wrapped my incriminating shirt and jeans tightly around my waist. Then, I wrapped a large towel over them. If Dan didn't look too hard, he wouldn't notice anything strange. I took a deep breath, put on my best poker face, and stepped out of the bathroom. My friend was facing the fallen bookshelf, with his back at me. He turned towards me and looked at me, down at my towel, and back at me again. Without a word, I walked past him, into my bedroom and shut the door. I held my breath in anticipation. Nothing. He didn't say anything. I breathed a sigh of temporary relief. Realising that he was still waiting for me, I hastily hid the bloodied clothes in my laundry basket and got dressed in plain shirt and pants. Then, I counted to three slowly in my head. *You can do this.* I reentered my living room. My best friend was carrying a first aid kit---from my kitchen---in his right hand. At first I was perplexed. Then I saw it. My bookshelf was upright against the wall. Dan must have pushed it back up. I stared in horror at the bloody handprint on the lower shelf, out in the open. "Alright, where's the cut?" Dan lifted the kit and grinned sympathetically. I froze. There was no cut. Dan was going to find out the blood wasn't mine. *Get your act together!* "I…I already took care of it." "So? Surgeon here, remember? I'm pretty sure I can do a better job." "I said it's fine!" My best friend looked dejected. "Alright, alright, no need to bite my head off, man." He went into the kitchen and put my first aid kit back on top of the fridge. "Bad hangover from last night?" My heart skipped a beat. Did Dan know anything about last night? I swallowed. "I can't really remember." He laughed at that. "I'm not surprised, you must have had three dozen shots by the end of the night. I thought I had to carry you home myself!" I held my breath. Flashes from the night suddenly filled my head. Excruciatingly loud 90's disco music. Coloured spotlights were moving to the beat. Dan was by the bar, with an arm around a pretty blonde. He had a wide grin across his face as he looked at me. I was dancing with a brunette---a very drunk and grabby one. "So, how was she?" he asked knowingly, yanking me back into the present. It then occurred to me what that question meant. I must have left the club with her. "I…I don't remember." Oh god, no. The blood. Was it… "Not even a bit? A girl that fine?" he made a squeezing gesture with both his hands. I didn't say a word. He had no idea how much I had wished I could remember. But now, I wasn't so sure anymore. I had never been violent. *Not that you remember...* He roared in laughter, surprising me out of my thoughts. "After two years, I *finally* got through to you, and you don't even remember!" I stepped back and collapsed into my couch. "Dan, please…" I started, before realising I had no idea what I wanted. This was all too much. My best friend stopped laughing and sighed sadly. He leaned over and grabbed my head affectionately. We locked our eyes. "Seb, you have to move on. It's been two years." We didn't say anything to each other for a while. Everything that could have been said about two years ago, had already been said. But, for once, my mood today wasn't about that day. And I couldn't tell him that. He sighed in defeat and let me go. "Anyway, I have to go back studying," he walked towards my front door. "By the way, aren't you late for work?" "Oh, *fuck!*" I looked at the clock in my kitchen. My group was going to be royally pissed at me. "*Dammit!*" "Whoa, calm down, man. Call in sick. Just don't tell them why," he winked at me. I ran into my bedroom and packed up my laptop. "You don't understand," I yelled from my bedroom. "This research can't wait. We have too much competition!" "Dude, you were bleeding, like, five seconds ago. I'm pretty sure they'll let you off this time," he reasoned as he stepped outside my apartment. He stuck his head back in. "Speaking of which, use salt---or peroxide if you have it---to wash off the stains before it dries. It becomes permanent if you leave it for too long," he finished as he shut the door. The illusion shattered at his parting remarks. For a brief moment, everything was normal again. Why did he have to mention the blood? I closed my eyes and let myself think. My research group at the University will definitely notice if I skipped work today. No one was more motivated in this project than I was. I had always taken my experiments seriously, and everyone in my group knew that. But, maybe I should get rid of the blood first, as Dan had suggested. I looked around my apartment. Of course, he had no idea how much blood I had to clean up. There were too many stains around, and I simply didn't have enough salt, or---what was it---peroxide, to do it all. I needed to get more. My thoughts drifted to the brunette girl last night. I could almost remember her face. But no matter how hard I tried, her name wouldn't come to me. Maybe Dan knew her name? Dread filled my heart as I thought about turning on the news. There was a newsstand a few blocks from the apartment. If nothing was reported, then maybe everything was fine? *But what if something was reported?* I shook my head. So many things I had to do. But I couldn't do it all, not in one day. Last edited by sagittaeri on Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:58 am; edited 3 times in total Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends 9744 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 12:08 pm    Post subject: You've got no choice. Call off sick, just this once, and get more peroxide, quickly. And then just clean it all up and hide in the apartment until it all blows over. And I'd suggest going to an AA meeting sometime soon too if Seb drinks like that regularly. Another warm welcome to IF, Sagittaeri! Your chatpers are on the shorter end and fast paced, and all while being WONDERFULLY 'additional proof-reading required' free! Really great choice for an SG! _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 12:32 pm    Post subject: that was FANTASTIC!! your writing style is extremely clean & precise. very enjoyable. I think we should call in. Get our hands on a newspaper to see what showed up from last night. Then we should deal with the blood ASAP. great work!! can't wait to see more! Back to top Author Vikas Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600 Items Legends 3192 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 9:07 pm    Post subject: As said before, Im really enjoying your writing style. Though I would have preferred Dan knew the truth, this was very well written and its hard for me not to enjoy this I couldnt find any typos or grammatical errors except for this small one (I'm sorry, I can be pretty hard at times, especially when the author doesnt make too many mistakes ) sagittaeri wrote: "It said it's fine!" should be "I said.." That's really, really minor but it did make me read twice. Anyway, I think our protagonist should call in sick and check the news. If we have done something, we need to know _________________ Vikas Muralidharan Be sure to read HATE in Romance section Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:26 pm    Post subject: Quote: I wanted it to end. I should have just told Dan. I couldn't do this alone. I couldn't. Quote: Dan was going to find out the blood wasn't mine AWESOME chapter. This just gets more intriguing with each line, and your delivery is amazing. I'm agreeing with everyone else on your writing style as well. I've added a couple of typo's here, but they aren't your fault at all. Just some silly omissions and my silly corrections. That probably will never happen again . I also noticed that your HTML version has some italics, and I couldn't help suggesting that you could use italics on our site as well. It'd be much cleaner that way xD For the DP, I'm going with everyone else here. Call in sick for the day, and before you check the news, I'd really prefer it if Dan knows what's going on. We really need to confide in him, and hopefully, he'll stick with us through all of this. So check the news and then we can plan on what we need to do next. _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 12:16 pm    Post subject: This is awesome, it's like having a whole team of proof-editors! Thanks for spotting the typos, I can't believe how I missed some of them silly ones. Thanks for all the great comments, everyone! Back to top Author Tikanni Corazon Honored Citizen Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Posts: 1286 Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!). Items Legends 18382 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 5:46 pm    Post subject: Hey Sagi! Loved this second chapter! The characters confusion I find is very much mirrored by my own, in a good way, of course. The fact that we have no more information than the character of Seb himself knows makes it easier to relate to the character. Really, really wondering if he's actually done anything...though he must've done something to account for all the blood. Really enjoyed it, and really frustrated (in a good way) at not knowing more and having to wait to learn more! For the dp, I'm all for going out and grabbing a paper. Dan clearly remembers what the girl looked like, and if he happens to get to a paper while he's out and her picture is on the cover, Seb is going to need a plan of action. Go get a paper, then plan the next move from there. Great work, Sagi! Looking forward to more! Keep up the good work! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887 Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:34 am    Post subject: The poll for "Chapter 2: Just Another Bloody Day" is now up. Please vote! Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends 9744 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:13 am    Post subject: Voted! Clean that place up! Blood isn't exactly odorless you know. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 5:06 pm    Post subject: Thanks Lilith! Should I be worried about your extensive knowledge of blood? Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends 10415 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 8:54 am    Post subject: Hmm. If we go to the newspaper stand we're not guaranteed that we'll find any relevant stories. I'm going to go for coming clean to Dan. We've known him for years and there's always the chance he'll be an ally. We're going to need an ally. This is a well written story. The narrative is clean and tight. I'm watching this one. Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:44 am    Post subject: Woah.. I guess I did more bad than good lol. 3-way tie xP _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 3102 Location: The Frozen North Items Legends 41350 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:36 am    Post subject: I voted for coming clean to Dan for three reasons. 1) Dan knows at least part of what happened last night. If the girl is hurt, or better yet framing you, Dan is going to remember her when you're not. 2) Dan's in med school, if he thought that the blood that left the hand print on the book case was fresh, and it's easy to tell when blood isn't fresh, then he's going to be able to help you from a medical standpoint with what might have gone down in your apartment...although a forensics major would likely be of more help. 3) Dan is your best friend and, even with all this evidence around you, he's still going to at least be able to provide you with an excellent character witness and or sympathetic ear. You should have come clean to him right away as that would only have enforced the fact you don't remember shit. Remember folks, you can always plead temporary insanity. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..." "Music makes you braver." Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 3:27 am    Post subject: Yes!! The tie is broken again! Thanks Kalanna! Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:43 pm    Post subject: Poll is now closed - writing up the next chapter now. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 1:51 am    Post subject: Chapter 3: Coming out. The nicely formatted version: In HTML **************** "Just...give them my apologies, if that's okay." "For sure, anything. Are you okay, Seb? It's not like you to skip work. I don't think you've ever taken a vacation, like, ever. I remember the time when you had, like, food poisoning or something, you still---" "This one's different," I interrupted my colleague. Carl had a tendency to ramble. "I definitely won't be able to work even if I went in." "Yeah, sure, but what about Peggy? You know the bitch isn't going to let this go. Remember the time when you, like, forgot to mention her contribution in the social dinner last week? An honest mistake, I know. Well, everyone knew. No one ever thought you, like, meant anything by it, but man, she sure rained hell on you. Did you know she even, like, filed a complaint to HR and---" "I really don't feel well, I'm sorry, I have to go," I hung up before he could get another word in. I felt bad, doing it, but I wasn't lying. I had never felt so terrible in my life. I put my phone down, leaned back into my 3-seater couch, and closed my eyes. Finally. Time to think. My heart had stopped racing. However, the bloody horror of it all was still there. I had accepted that the painful sensation in my chest wasn't going anywhere. *Good thing my work had trained me to operate under pressure,* I chuckled to myself miserably. With everything that had happened since I woke up, I didn't have time to really think through my options. *Fuck, I lied to Dan,* I realised with guilt. *Well, it's his own damn fault for coming over so suddenly.* He never had the best timing. Still, I had to tell him. He was the only one I knew who was with me last night, and the only one I trusted more than I trusted myself. I needed him to piece this nightmare together. *Some things are better left undiscovered...*I shook my head. I had to find out. I wouldn't be able to live like this if I didn't. *But can you live with yourself if you didn't like the answer?* Ignoring my stray thoughts, I stood up, took a deep breath, and left my single bedroom unit. The apartment building was the very picture of ordinary. Too expensive for starving students, but also too run-down for upper class socialites. It was refurbished from a 60's newspaper agency, thus the building design had a pragmatic feel to it. The owners of the apartment tried to spruce it up with antiques, which would've worked if the antiques didn't look so fake. I rapped on Dan's door twice, then once. It was our way of telling each other that it was only us, and no one else. I heard his footsteps coming up to the door before it swung wide open, revealing my best friend in only a towel around his waist and a tooth brush in his mouth. "Hey Seb," he mumbled over his tooth brush as he turned and strode into his bathroom. I returned his greeting as I closed his front door behind me. "You busy today?" I asked. I felt myself getting nervous about what I was about to do. He rinsed his mouth and spat into the sink. "I got some studying to do, you know, the usual." A pause. "Wait, you're actually skipping work today?" "Yeah." His laughter echoed around his bathroom. "Shit, dude, that must be one killer hangover. All this time I've known you, you've never---" "Yeah, okay, a colleague's already covered that one." I swallowed as I hardened my resolve. I had to do it. "Listen, I need to ask you something." He walked out of his bathroom and into his bedroom, presumably to get dressed. "Yeah? Go ahead," he yelled from over there. I started pacing around his living area. Then, I found a kitchen chair to sit on. Deciding it was too uncomfortable, I switched to his cushioned office chair next to his study table. A few of his medical books were open, and his laptop was showing an annotated picture of a brain. Studying was what Dan did most of his time, so it wasn't unusual. "Well, are you going to ask me or not?" he asked suddenly, his voice a lot closer to me than I had expected. I swivelled around on his office chair and found him standing two feet from me with an eyebrow raised, dressed in loose-fitting clothes. I hadn't heard him leave his bedroom. My throat became dry. "Uh, yeah." I stood up and walked towards his bookshelf. More medical books. Dan didn't read anything else. He once reasoned that he didn't have time for anything but work and study. But that was just a convenient excuse, because even before he got busy, he was never into reading. "Uh oh, I have to sit down for this one, don't I?" my best friend said with a grimace. I stood around his kitchen table. "What makes you say that?" "Because I can tell you really don't want to tell me," he sighed as he grabbed me by my shoulders. "And you can't even look me in the eye. Come on, man, spit it out. You know I can take it." *Do it.* "Last night," my voice was hoarse. "Can you tell me what happened, you know, when I left?" He looked up, as if to help him remember. "Well, I took Mary---no, it's Marsha, I think---" "No, I mean with me." He looked at me in confusion. "With you? How would I know? You left with a girl." He released my shoulders and crossed his arms. "Seb, what's this about?" "Do you remember her name?" "Uh," his brow creased. "Kathy? No, Kayla? Something with a 'k'. Why, did she leave without---" "What about her last name?" "I don't know, she never told us," he grinned. "Aww, man, my boy wants another helping of---" "*Fuck!*" I cursed suddenly. Dan's grin was replaced by a look of exasperation. "Dammit, Seb, tell me what's going on already!" I didn't say anything in reply. Instead, I walked over to his kitchen sink and poured myself a glass of water from the tap. I drank it all in a gulp, then, I refilled it and drank it again. "Look, Seb, this is not like you. You have to tell me what's going on." I put the glass down on his kitchen counter, but I didn't release my tight grip on it. "I think I killed her," I said softly while looking down at the sink. "What? You have to speak up---" "*I think I killed her!*" The silence that followed was deafening. Neither one of us moved or said anything for a minute. Then I heard him swallow. "What do you mean, 'killed'?" I turned around and faced him. "Don't make me say it again." His expression slowly turned from uneasiness to shock. My best friend's voice quavered. "What happened?" I closed my eyes and tried once again to remember. Nothing. "*Seb, what happened?*" "*I don't know!*" I snapped back at him. "I don't...I *can't* remember a thing." I covered my face with my hands. "If you don't remember, then why did you think you---" Dan stopped suddenly, his face was ashen. "Wait, is she in your room now?" he asked nervously. I shook my head. "No." "Then why did you think you killed her?" I put my hands down. They were starting to shake. *No, get a grip of yourself.* Dan must have known what was happening to me, because he came up and grabbed my head affectionately. "Seb," his voice softened. "You can tell me." I nodded, but I had to pull away before I could say anything. "There's a lot of blood. On my clothes, my bed, my carpet. *On me.*" My best friend tried to hold back his alarm, pretend that he wasn't perturbed by my words. But I could see it in his body language, from the way he had to stop himself from backing away. "It doesn't mean anything, Seb. It's probably some cat, or something. Even if it wasn't, it doesn't mean anyone's dead." I didn't think Dan understood just how much blood I had meant. So, I told him to follow me back to my apartment. He hesitated for only a split second, before falling in behind me with confidence, as if trying to let me know that he would never doubt me. I had to smile to myself. He tried so hard to prove that I can always depend on him. Even two years ago, he had never allowed even a moment for himself, because he had to be the best friend. The familiar feeling of guilt returned. Was it really fair on him, that I kept piling all these burden on him? *It's too late now.* I gathered my bloodied bedsheet and blanket from the washer, and my soaked clothes from my laundry basket, and laid them on either side of the red patch on the carpet. I looked over at Dan as he stared at them. He was speechless, and I could see the wheels in his head turning, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. "Okay," he started slowly. "That's a lot of blood." "You want to tell me again that it's probably nothing?" He whipped his head around. "Yes! Because this is crazy, Seb. You're not a..." he trailed off. "A killer?" I finished for him, my voice void of all emotion. He shooked his head. "Look, it's a lot of blood, but it still doesn't mean you did anything." "But---" "It could still be animal blood, you know. There are ways to test this, and I can find out how to do it, if it makes you feel better." "Dan---" "Even if it isn't from an animal, so what? Have you even read the paper today? Or watched the news? I promise you nothing happened." "You can't promi---" "And when were you planning to get these cleaned up? The longer you leave them, the harder they'll stain---" "*Dan!*" I shouted frustratedly at him. It worked, because he stopped talking. My friend staggered over to my bed and sat on it. "Sorry," he said softly. "You really dropped the bomb on me with this one, man." He massaged his temples with his hands. "Okay, I think Marsha left me her number." "Marsha? That's the girl you took home?" He simply nodded. "What's that gotta do with anything?" "Don't you remember? Dude, they did the whole '*oh my god you go to that college too what a coincidence*' thing last night." Realisation must have been written all over my face when he said that. "So they might know each other." "Might, yeah, but I don't remember them exchanging numbers or anything." "I still have to give it a try...at the very least, she'll know her name, right?" Dan shot up from my bed suddenly. "Wait here," he said and left. He returned a few minutes later with a crumpled piece of paper on one hand, and his phone on the other. His fingers were punching in the numbers furiously as he paced around my room. A yellow spot and a distinct smell of mustard enamated from that piece of paper. He must have trashed her number with his breakfast as soon as she had left. "Seb, I left some peroxide on your kitchen counter," Dan said to me while he waited for the call to connect. "You have to pour the peroxide over the stain, and leave it like that for a few hours. Then, rinse it away with *cold* water, you got it?" I nodded at him and carried the bloodied fabrics into the kitchen. I stuffed them into the sink and held up the bottle Dan had left on the counter. It said Hydrogen Peroxide 3% on the label. "This is impotant, Seb. It *has* to be cold water, or it'll---oh hi," he turned away from me suddenly. "It's me, Daniel, from last night. How are you, Marsha?" I cocked my head to listen as I dripped the 3% solution evenly onto the stains. Did Dan always have peroxide in the house? I never noticed it. He must have needed it to wash his scrubs, being a surgeon and all. "Of course I called you 'Martha'. Had some food in my mouth, that's all. Listen, I'm wondering if you can do me a solid for a friend. Uh, yes, last night was special to me, too. Look, remember that girl who's in your college? Yes, Kirsten, that's her name. Do you happen to have her number? No?" he looked at me and shook his head disappointedly. "Say, you girls have the same professor, right? Maybe you can look for---uh, dinner sounds great, but I'm kinda busy with studying and---no, no, I'm not playing around, I swear---" he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What I meant to say was, we can do dinner this weekend, is that okay? Great! So, about Kirsten...yes, that would be awesome. Thanks, Martha! Listen, I gotta go, but I'll call you soon." *Kirsten.* I smiled at him, or at least I tried to, with all that was going on. "A date, huh?" "Shut up. So, she said she'll look for Kirsten in class today. I'll call her again at five to find out how it went." At five o'clock. I glanced at the clock on the living room wall. Only eleven in the morning. *Kirsten.* Could I really wait that long? I cleared my throat. "Okay, the bedsheet, blanket and clothes are soaking in the sink. But what do I do with the carpet?" "The same, just pour peroxide over it," he quickly reached down and scraped some of the blood off the carpet onto the crumpled piece of paper that contained Martha's number. My eyes were fixed on the paper as he folded it and stuffed it into his back pocket. *Kirsten*. "Are you getting that tested?" He nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to the hospital now. Try to stay put, okay?" With that, Dan was gone. He didn't even wait for my reply. Stay put? Could I really do that? *Kirsten.* I was tempted to follow Dan to the hospital, but I didn't know how helpful it would be. Then it hit me: maybe I could find out if anyone was hospitalised recently. *And even get the newspaper on the way.* I had her first name now. *Kirsten.* As I poured the peroxide on the carpet, I suddenly remembered the bloody handprint on the bookshelf, and all the books scattered at its foot. Were there anymore blood stains hidden away somewhere? *Kirsten.* Maybe I should spend the day making sure I didn't miss anything, and tidy up the mess I had made in the morning. I had to decide soon, if I wanted to catch up to Dan. *Kirsten.* Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends 9744 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 3:30 am    Post subject: Despite interruptions via angry snarling cats, I managed to have enough time to read your new chappie. Yes you should stay put! And don't even put your face in the windows or anything. You told your friend, he doesn't think you did it and he's obviously helping you. So get your behind to cleaning for now. Check every square inch of your apartment.... make sure you didn't leave a body in the closet or under the sink in the bathroom, all chopped up into little pieces in a garbage bag. Really well written, Sagi. I'll be keeping up with this one. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 6:20 pm    Post subject: Lilith! Thanks! I'm starting to get used to Melbourne hours again. Sorry I've been away for a few days! I'm happy you found time to comment on my SG. Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:26 am    Post subject: Aweesomeeeee! I love the way the story's heading so far! Can't wait to read the next chapter already xD Really well written, man! I'm tempted to go with Dan, after we're done with the cleaning. I wouldn't like being left alone now xP So I say we ask Dan to wait up till the cleaning is done (or ask him to help with the cleaning too) and then go to the hospital, get the newspaper and then see how things go. _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author VenomousAngel Resident Joined: 11 Jun 2012 Posts: 61 Items Legends 919 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:15 pm    Post subject: So, this was my first reading of a story by you Sagi. Honestly, have to say that i enjoyed the to the point paragraphs, as well as the blunt swearing inside of the story. Kinda made me giggle while reading it, *Knows that makes me a bit twisted*. You did great work Sagi, and I can see this story growing much larger. I personally would be too freaked at this point to leave any kind of evidence in my home, So I suggest that he finish cleaning up before he begins doing anything else. _________________ Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 10:55 am    Post subject: Thanks for reading, Vishal! I can't wait to continue writing the next chapter too, hehe. Man, I can't believe I haven't found this site earlier. I can't believe I could be having this much fun the whole time! Plus, the community here is great. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 10:57 am    Post subject: Welcome, Ven! I'm so excited that you've decided to read my SG. Thanks! I hope you're having as much fun as I am, being in this site! Back to top Author VenomousAngel Resident Joined: 11 Jun 2012 Posts: 61 Items Legends 919 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 11:07 am    Post subject: Your welcome Sagi darling, I enjoy reading everyones stories. Hope to read your continuation shortly! _________________ Back to top Author Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 3102 Location: The Frozen North Items Legends 41350 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:39 pm    Post subject: Stay put. You'll only make yourself suspicious trying to 'innocently' figure out if anyone's been hospitalized. Also, screw the newspaper, doesn't he have a radio...television...computer through which to get the radio. Also if I'm not mistaken, if this is a large enough school (and if it's got promising surgeons and researchers it likely is) what about campus radio? They'd be all over some bloody person staggering around campus...if she did. So your best bet is to stay home, start scrubbing, and rub some dryer sheets on the carpet when your done. Peroxide has a smell to it that's just a big a telltale that it's been used. If you've got room spray, and are really going to start covering things up even further, you want the place spotless and smelling fresh. Also I'd start checking closets...and the fridge/freezer. Unless she was A)removed afterward, B) not human, C) keeping a handy bucket of pig blood around at all times, or D) killing someone else and framing you for it...she's in the unchecked closet or dismembered and stored away. Nice stuff. I'm enjoying this read. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..." "Music makes you braver." Back to top Author PopeAlessandrosXVIII Arts and Poetry Mod Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 1858 Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men Items Legends 13801 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 4:51 am    Post subject: I Think . . . . . This is definately an interesting take on 'The morning after" thing I love so much. I like my moderns with enough realism to be believable, but not overwhelmingly so, and you pull it off real well. My heart was pounding in time with out hero's, which atests to how well you get us inside the character's head. Love it! As for the DP. . . . . .I would not only scrub the house clean, but hunt down any clues that may have been left behind. I mean, if it really was her, there is no way she walked, or was carried/dragged out without some kind of transfer somewhere. After the apartment, move to the halls and basement. Do some detective work! Keep up the amazing work sagitt-kun! _________________ To Be A Knight And my first Finished work Death Day Back to top Author Tikanni Corazon Honored Citizen Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Posts: 1286 Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!). Items Legends 18382 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:25 am    Post subject: Hey Sagi! This story continues to be engrossing, and is quickly becoming one of my favourites. It's well written, well edited, and the emotions of the characters, as well as their behaviour, is believeable. Really very well done indeed! For the dp...I'm going to say Seb should stay in and clean the apartment. Check all the rooms for any tell-tale signs of anything out of the ordinary having happened. It will also allow for Seb to discover any little clues as to what actually happened the night before lurking around his home. Much enjoyed Sagi! Keep up the good work! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887 Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends 10415 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 4:51 am    Post subject: I think he'd be more inclined to stay put now. He's shared his problem with Dan, he's got stuff to do to keep him occupied. Dan has said there's been nothing in the papers, so there's not much point going to check right now. He has the girl's name. I love how you keep repeating the name over and over. Something tells me that Martha will report a negative sighting at the lecture today... Still, there's nothing he can do right now but wait. And of course there's no body... Good chapter. Much enjoyed! Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 6:19 pm    Post subject: Hi Kalanna, Pope, Tika and Crunchy. Thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting! I'm having a lot of fun with this story, so I'm happy that you guys are enjoying it too! I'll be putting up a poll soon, so anyone planning to comment, do it soon. Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 9:31 am    Post subject: FINALLY getting to this, Sagi. great work! still loving it!! STAY. clean, investigate around the apartment...whatever...just STAY. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 11:01 pm    Post subject: Thanks Andi! It looks like I won't have a problem with poll ties this chapter. Awesome. Speaking of which, the poll is coming up shortly. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:32 pm    Post subject: Poll is up! Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends 10415 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 2:02 pm    Post subject: Oooh. The second option looks intriguing... Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 5:35 pm    Post subject: Poll closed and next chapter in writing! Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2012 8:31 pm    Post subject: Chapter 4: Memory is a funny thing. The nicely formatted version: In HTML **************** I was no stranger to blood. Especially someone else's. It wasn't too long ago, when I was covered in a loved one. Much like this morning. Except, this time I have no memory of how it happened. Her eyes were fixed to the sky as I knelt over her. I called out her name and cradled her head in my trembling hands. There was nothing I could do, I knew from the moment I saw her eyes. But I tried anyway. I placed my palm upon her chest, and wrapped my other hand around it. I felt her ribs sink beneath my weight as I repeated the compressions for half a minute. It must have been instantaneous. She must not have suffered at all. Blood trickled down her brow, dampening her dark curls. Blue black bruises were quickly forming around her arms and thighs. A large, green shard was protruding from her side. I tried to breath life into her mouth, and continued compressing her chest. They told me she had died on impact. That she did not feel her bones break. That she did not feel the broken bottle drive through her kidney. Someone tried to pull me away from her, telling me it was hopeless. That I was too late. But I refused to leave her side. I wrapped my arms around her and begged her to come back. But she wouldn't listen. She would only stare at the sky. *How many times must I relive this?* I closed my eyes shook my head. *Breath*. When I opened them, I was back in my apartment. I stared at the book in my hands. 'The Great Gatsby', by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I was sitting cross-legged by the bookshelf, with almost all of my books forming a tower on the ground next to me. *That's right,* I was going through my books one by one, checking for blood stains that may have snuck in. Looks like I woke up from one nightmare just to be into another. With a sigh, I continued on with my task as if I had never stopped. It wasn't the first time I had the disorienting flashback. The novel must have triggered it. It was her favourite, the classics. We used to argue about it, because I had very much preferred contemporary literature, and she wasn't afraid to point out that I was 'wrong'. Unthinkingly, I reached into my jeans pocket, and froze. *It's not there.* *Calm down, it's probably still by your bedside,* I chastised myself for overreacting. After everything that had happened since I woke up, it was no surprise that I had forgotten it. Despite telling myself that, I couldn't shake off the feeling of uneasiness. When I couldn't think about anything else anymore, I put the book on top of the others, and rushed into my bedroom. My heart skipped a beat. It wasn't on the dresser either. My mind became blank. Then, it was filled with panic and confusion. Where could it be? For two years, it hasn't been anywhere else but inside my pocket when I'm out, and on top of my dresser when I'm home. I grabbed my phone and activated the fast dial. No one else had been in my apartment but Dan. I started pacing around the house. He must had known something. I couldn't lose it, now. I wasn't ready yet. "Seb?" "Dan, it's gone. I can't find it. I don't know where it is. I---" "Hang on, Seb, what's gone?" I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "The ring." "Terri's ring? Dammit Seb, don't scare me like that. I thought..." he sighed. "Never mind. Have you checked your pockets?" "Yes, of course---" "Not the one you're wearing right now. The *other* one." "Oh," I suddenly understood what he meant. Of course. I looked over at the bundle of soaking fabrics in my kitchen sink. Did I really leave my engagement ring in there? I ran over to it and started digging through my bloodied pants' pockets. "Well?" I threw the pants back into the sink and cursed softly. "It's not there either. Dan, what do I do?" He breathed frustratedly over the phone. "Seb, we'll look for it later, together, okay? Right now, I need you to focus on cleaning up the place." At first, I was going to tell him 'no'. "Okay, fine," I conceded instead. My best friend had enough of my problems to deal with already, I realised. "How is it going over there?" "I'm working on purifying the genetic material from the blood plasma. I should be able to put it through the machine to check for protein markers after that. Oh, did you know that human red blood cells don't actually contain genetic material?" High school biology was coming back to me. "That makes sense. They were designed to maximise their oxygen-carrying capacity, if I remember right. So, you're looking for proteins commonly found in human DNA?" *To find out if I killed a human being, like Kirsten?* I could practically hear him smile. "Yeah, you got it. Of course you did, you've always been the smarter one." "Don't sell yourself short, brain surgeon." "Aww damn, that means a lot, coming from mister rocket scientist." "Wha---astrophysics and rocket science are *not* the same thing!" I could hear my best friend bursting into laughter over my reaction. That idiot riled me up on purpose, I found myself smiling in realisation. It was then I understood why I kept turning to Dan whenever I felt bad. He always knew how to make me feel better. "Thanks, Dan. I don't know what I'd do without you," I allowed. "You'll never have to find out, I promise." I laughed a bit. "Okay, this is getting a little too mushy for me, now." "Oh yeah, totally. Let's hang up before it gets out of hand." "Out of hand? What's the worst that could happen?" "You know what? You're right. Let's just get married now." I guffawed at that. "Okay, okay, fine, dumbass. I'm hanging up now." "Ooo, I've always wanted an outdoor ceremony in a vineyard. Wait, who's gonna be my best man---" I quickly hung up and laughed to myself for a minute. Feeling a lot better now, I finished going through my books. Then, I went on to check the broom closet, the kitchen cupboards, the mirror cabinet in the bathroom and the coffee table drawers. I even moved my couch a couple of feet just to make sure there was nothing underneath it. A few hours later, I was satisfied with my efforts. There was absolutely nothing new to be found, to my relief. *Living room, check. Kitchen, check. Bathroom, check.* Now, only the bedroom left. *Maybe*, I hoped, *I might even find my engagement ring in here*. I could see it in my mind. A modest diamond seated on a plain silver band. It was the most ordinary engagement ring one could imagine -- except for the inscription on the inside: 'Theresa, the lucky woman I am going to marry. Sebastian.' I smiled at that memory. She would have loved that. Our wedding was going to be full of laughter, full of jokes, both practical and verbal. She once told me that my humour was why she fell in love with me. Of course, I knew it was much more than that. She loved how ridiculously serious I was about my research. How nicely I fit into my rugged leather trench coat. How Dan and I would banter endlessly over nothing. How we could--- I held my breath as I stared suspiciously at the contents of the top drawer of my bedside dresser. *That wasn't there before.* I reached down and picked up the bundled cloth. There was something hard inside it. Suddenly feeling nervous, I forced myself to put it down on my bed and slowly began to unwrap it. I didn't understand why, but my heart was racing painfully. My fingers were shaking as I peeled off the last layer. "Oh, fuck." **************** I was sitting in darkness on Dan's couch, staring at the wall, when he came flying in. He stopped and blinked twice when he saw me. "*Dammit, Seb,* why didn't you answer your phone?" he fumed and walked over to me. He studied my face. "Wait, how long have you been sitting here?" I turned and looked at him. "It was human, wasn't it?" I said instead. I wondered if my best friend would be fine with me in jail. It would be hard on him, losing both his best friends. He blinked again. "It doesn't matter---" "But it's human, right?" He exhaled exasperatedly. "Yes, but Martha called---" "Thanks, Dan, for everything." I looked away again. He really needed to get out more, make other friends. I had tried telling him that before, but he kept using his busy schedule as an excuse. I shouldn't be his only close friend. He only rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. *Kirsten is fine!*" I looked at him again, this time in confusion. "Martha had a chat *with* her in class today. This is good! This means nothing happened!" he laughed merrily as he strode into his kitchen. No, that didn't make any sense. Nothing was adding up. I looked down at the bundle of cloth that I had laid on his coffee table. Dan reappeared with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "Time to celebrate, now that this thing is over," he grinned. He poured a glass and forced it into my hands. Not just that, what about the human blood that Dan himself had admitted finding? "Oh, cheer up already," he tousled my hair. He poured himself a glass as he grabbed the remote and switched on his flat screen TV. It took only a moment before I realised what I was watching. My eyes widened in horror. Dan caught my expression. "What is it?" He followed my eyes, and froze. "Wait, isn't that---" "...was found in an alley near the night club. Detective---*detective*," the news journalist moved to stop a red-head in her early thirties. "What can you tell us about the murder?" She glared impatiently at the camera. "The victim's name was Kyle Panopoulos. We believe this happened last night, at around one AM. If anyone saw anything suspicious inside or near the club, no matter how small, please contact the department. That would be all." My right hand started to throb again. The pain was coming back. "Seb, that's him, isn't it?" I nodded. My body started to shake. Why was this happening? Images of Kyle flashed in my head. The pain in my hand was becoming unbearable. Dan looked thoughtfully at the picture of Kyle on the flat screen. "It still doesn't mean anything. It's just a coincidence." I shook my head slowly. "No, it wasn't." We were right outside the club. Kirsten was screaming obscenities at us. Kyle had looked regretful and devastated. Reeling from the flashback, I lifted up my right hand and stared at my knuckles. "What do you mean?" "He was there, Dan. I saw him," I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. There was blood running down Kyle's nose. "I saw him, and I punched him." My best friend was silent. He only looked at me, unmoving, as if expecting me to fall apart if he did. "I don't remember what happened after that. But," I laughed pitifully. "Maybe I don't want to remember." Dan still said nothing. His expression was neutral, completely void of any clue as to what he could be thinking. Instead, he turned his attention toward the bundle of cloth that I had left on his coffee table. *And now, for the smoking gun.* I reached down and unwrapped it, revealing a switchblade stained in blood. I looked up at my best friend's face, imploring him to say something. But he wouldn't. Instead, he only closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a long moment, he walked towards his front door. "We've got work to do," he declared softly, clearly waiting for me to follow. "What?" He turned and looked right into my eyes. "The man who killed your girlfriend two years ago was murdered last night. All the evidence seem to point to you." I looked away and my muscles tensed up. Here it comes. I was about to lose my best friend. "Well, guess what? I don't give a damn what the evidence says. It's wrong, and we're getting rid of it, right now." **************** I woke up to a pounding on the door. Barely aware of the couch beneath me, I glanced at my surroundings. *I'm at Dan's*, I recalled. We had worked all night in removing every trace of blood from my flat. Still, even though it was clean now, I wouldn't sleep in that flat. I couldn't, not after what had happened. So, Dan had let me crash at his place. I yawned as I clutched at the blankets around me. There was a note on the coffee table: Seb, Gone to the hospital. I thought about everything last night. I'm more sure than ever that you didn't kill anyone. Trust me on this. I'll explain when I see you tonight. Dan. p.s. go to work and act like everything's normal. I jumped when I heard more pounding on the door. But, it wasn't on Dan's door they were pounding on. "Mister McDean?" a familiar female voice called out. I immediately shot out of the couch and bumped into the coffee table. It was *my* door. Someone was looking for me at my flat. "Forget it, I don't think he's home," said a male voice I didn't recognise. "Who's next on the list?" "Wait, I heard something. I think his neighbour's home," said the female. Then it hit me. It was the red-head detective on the 7 o'clock news last night. The one investigating Kyle's murder. The very same one that's now only a few feet away. **Knock, knock.** "Anyone home?" And now, she was on the other side of the door. Last edited by sagittaeri on Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:08 am; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 5:53 am    Post subject: FACK THAT WAS AWESOMEE!! Quote: I could practically hear him smile That was beautiful. My initial reaction was to suggest that it be changed to "see", but suddenly the phrase started making sense to me. I still don't know how you can hear someone smile, but somehow, the phrase just makes sense. As for the DP, I'm going to say keep quiet. Do NOT open the door, quietly walk in and find a nice place to hide. Hopefully, the detectives move on to other suspects and don't try to force themselves in. Once again, this was one epic chapter man. I'm totally in love with the story now xD _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author Tikanni Corazon Honored Citizen Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Posts: 1286 Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!). Items Legends 18382 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:54 am    Post subject: Hey Sagi! In total agreement with Vishal, this was great! Your writing continues to have great flow, your grammar is brilliant, the characters are likable and their banter very real, and the storyline leaves one hopelessly gripped and wanting more! I loved it! If I was to make any critisism at all, it would be that, considering that Seb's just discovered that he may have murdered someone, and Dan's just found out that his best friend could be a murderer, their chat on the phone was just a little too light-hearted. Not a lot, as it works fine anyway. It's just something that struck me personally as I was reading. Of course, trying to make each other feel better is a natural response to bad news, and joking between themselves is certainly plausible. But maybe there could have been a little more added to show that there are still a lot of negative emotions roiling around inside. Guilt for what may have possibly occured and a slight tension as well, as from Seb's point of view he doesn't know really how Dan is going to react if he discovers that the blood is human. Something like... Since he'd made his discovery that morning, Seb had felt like there was a large knot in his stomach, uncomfortably weighing down his spirits and keeping him on edge. But Dan's jokey banter released some of the tension, and Seb couldn't help but allow the corners of his mouth to tilt upwards in a small smile. That's probably not ideal, but it's a quick example of what I mean. It keeps the dread of both Seb's potential actions of the night before and what could happen because of them close to the surface, but still allows for that element of relief for the character. Anyway, it's certainly not essential, but I thought I'd mention it. And onwards to DP-land... I can't make my mind up as to whether he should answer or not. He's going to have to talk to them sooner or later, but currently he's been taken by complete surprise and is likely a little sleep-addled too, so not in the best of positions to keep a calm, cool head. But on the other hand, when the police do finally catch up with him, if they ask him where he was when they attempted to contact him before, it's going to potentially set off a whole new chain of lies. Just so that we have another option, I'm going to say that he calls out that he's in the shower and he'll just be a moment (of course, he'll have to go wet his hair to make it plausible, and tell them that Dan let him use his shower because Seb's is broken or something (little white lie )). It'll give him a few minutes to pull himself together, and possibly come up with a plan of action. Again, much enjoyed, Sagi! Keep up the good work! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887 Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:24 pm    Post subject: Thanks Vishal and Tika for reading and commenting! The feedback about the sudden light-hearted-ness is good -- reading back, I'm noticing it too. Thanks for bringing this up...I'll have to think of a way to fix it up. Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:39 pm    Post subject: LOVE it, Sagi!! i'm with Tika...do something to give a minute but then talk to them. from Dan's note, it seems like he's found something that would clear us of this one, so act as though we have nothing to hide...but do it after we have a minute to calm down. lol! Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:52 am    Post subject: Lol I'm withdrawing my suggestion and going with Tika. xP _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:01 am    Post subject: Thanks Andi! I'm so happy you managed to read this! Haha Vishal, too late, you already suggested it, so I'll have to poll it up. Back to top Author Vishal Muralidharan Respected Citizen Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF! Items Legends 5251 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 7:53 am    Post subject: Sure, as you please _________________ The eyes are useless if the mind is blind. Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends 9744 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 8:19 am    Post subject: The Detective obviously can't enter without a search warrant or else she would have busted into Seb's apartment. They're just looking for clues and information right now. Seb needs to slowly move away from the door and any windows that might be facing outside. Go grab some of Dan's clothes that might fit and hide in the bathroom. *DO NOT* turn on the shower until they go away, just do the pre-shower stuff, shave the five 'o clock shadow, brush teeth ect. Excellent chapter and I really do love the pacing you have in writing Sagi. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 3102 Location: The Frozen North Items Legends 41350 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:43 pm    Post subject: Step one, get rid of the note. Eat it, flush it, whatever...get rid of it. Second open the door and say he isn't home. If asked why you're in you're in his apartment and not your own, claim the two of you were up late last night and that you're now late for work. Schedule a time to talk to them, act perfectly cooperative. The more resistant and belligerent you are, the more suspicious they'll become. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..." "Music makes you braver." Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:56 pm    Post subject: Thanks Lil and Kalanna for reading! I'll be polling this up soon. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:22 am    Post subject: This SG is now polling!! Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:39 am    Post subject: Poll closed! Next chapter now in writing... Back to top Author Seraphi General Fiction Mod Joined: 25 Oct 2012 Posts: 503 Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea Items Legends 5512 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:23 am    Post subject: Holy fricklefrack! This is great! Well done, Sagi. I have to agree with everyone and say that your writing is phenomenal. I've loved every chapter you've written, but I have to say that the flashback in the beginning of 4 has been my favorite part of the story so far. It was beautifully detailed and emotional, and gave us a little bit of background on the character. I'm bummed I missed the poll this round. I'll be sure to catch it next time. Can't wait for the next chapter! Again, well done! _________________ "The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul." -Mason Cooley Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:36 am    Post subject: Hi Seraphi! Thanks for reading this SG and for the very kind comments - it made me quite happy! New chapter is coming soon... Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 8:29 pm    Post subject: Sorry for the huge delay for an update! Holiday periods are surprisingly difficult. Anyway, this chapter is short-ish. So many decisions to make, didn't wanna deprive the players from their choice. Chapter 5: Poker face. The nicely formatted version: In HTML **************** A million thoughts flooded my mind all at once as the room spun in every imaginable direction. The ability to breathe rhythmically had become a lost art as I stood frozen inches from the couch, unable to produce a coherent thought. Then the detectives knocked on the door again. It was just enough to break me out of my stupor. "Just---just a minute!" I quickly called out and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I ran the tap and splashed my face in icy cold water. *Fuck, fuck, fuck! They're here to arrest me!* I stared at my reflection in the mirror. *No. No, they're not. Think about it.* Somehow, my pathetic panicked splashing had drenched my short blond hair so much, it was as if I had just climbed out of a swimming pool. *Or a shower...* I grabbed Dan's towel and started to dry my hair the best I could. *When he finds out that I've used his towel, he's going to freak.* I tossed it back on the towel rack and turned towards the front door. *Calmed down enough, yet?* I chastised myself. *You can't always rely on someone else to help out.* I could almost see the detectives behind the door, probably checking their watches and tapping their feet. I needed a plan of action. I glanced into Dan's bedroom. There was a fire escape by the window. *No, you're missing something. Come on, you're a physicist. All you do is 'think' for a living. Do your freakin' job!* I tore my eyes away from Plan B. Then, I remembered something the detectives had said: *"who's next on the list?"* It was clear to me at that point they weren't here to arrest me. Even so, they clearly could tie me to the murder somehow, or they wouldn't be here at all. *The list. There's a damned list.* I shut my eyes and tried to remember the kind of person I was before, back when Terri was still laughing at my jokes. Back when I was less pathetic. When I still had some semblance of courage. I took a deep breath. It wasn't too long ago when we were all sitting around the floor in my old dorm room. We were happy. Content. And very drunk. It was at the end of our sophomore year at college, just after a huge party. Dan and I had invited over the funnest person we knew --- someone who was quickly becoming a close friend of ours. She made a simple game of poker fun, even though she was a little too good at it. I, on the other hand, was rubbish at the card game. I remembered throwing my hands up in frustration, demanding to know how they had figured out I was bluffing---again---with uncanny accuracy. I was convinced I had a tell, one that I was determined to crush by the next round of poker. Only, calling it a 'tell' had been an understatement. *"Seb, honey, your whole face morphs like a constipated catepillar when you tell a lie,"* she had cheekily claimed, to my horror. I remembered wondering if that was why I could never get anything past my parents. "*Oh, no, no, don't be like that! I really like that quality about you,*" she had added quickly, before leaning in to kiss my cheek. *"Promise me you'll never let anything change this part of you. Ever."* I slowly opened my eyes. I finally understood what I was supposed to do. *You just stepped out of the shower,* I tried to make myself believe. *Now, you're walking to the front door to greet the detect---no, the strangers. You didn't know they were detectives. You have no idea who they are.* On the way to the front door, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Late for work, gotta go. Late for work, gotta go. Late for work, gotta go. I repeated that in my head a few more times as I opened the front door, revealing an attractive woman with brown eyes and shoulder-length red hair fashioned in a pony tail, and a middle-aged balding man with deep blue eyes. "Hi," I greeted. "Can I help you?" The detectives wasted no time in pulling out their badges. "Yes, I'm Detective Thompson, and this is Detective Brown," introduced the attractive red-head. "We just have a few questions about your neighbour. Do you know the man living in that unit?" she gestured to her left. I looked in the direction the detective gestured at. "Unit 201? Uh, yes, I live there, actually." "You live there?" questioned the middle aged man, Detective Brown. "You're McDean?" "That's me. I'm sorry, but what's this about? I'm actually kinda really late for work," I showed them my bag apologetically. *Promise me you'll never let anything change this part of you. Ever.* But I wasn't lying. Not directly, anyway. The detectives looked at each other before the red-head spoke again. "We just need you to answer a few questions about two nights ago." I had walked out of Dan's apartment and started to lock the door behind me, feeling glad that my back was on the detectives so they couldn't see my face. "Can I come over to the station later, or something? I'll be happy to answer anything." "Mr McDean, this won't take long---" started the female detective sternly. "Can you be at the station at 5:30PM?" interrupted the middle aged man. I turned around and faced the pair. "I might have to leave work slightly early to make it on time, but yeah, I can." The red-head's face scrunched up in annoyance, hopefully directed at her partner. She reached into her pocket and handed me a card. "Look for me when you get to the station. Don't be late." "Yes ma'am," I replied as I made my way to the stairwell without delay. As soon as I walked out of view, I could hear a tense discussion between the detectives. The red-head sounded pretty frustrated, presumably at her partner for interrupting her. The balding detective sounded like he couldn’t care less, almost completely apathetic. It was only after the stairwell door closed behind me I realised I was holding my breath. My chest was thumping painfully and I felt a sweat run down my forehead. Dammit. I hoped the detectives didn't notice any of those damned tells. Was this what I was like when I was playing poker? *You need to find out where that ‘list’ comes from!* A sudden thought occurred to me as I was leaving the building. Yes. The detectives were going on a ‘list’. I needed to find out how I earned a spot in that damned list. *Maybe they found out you were there that night, somehow.* Did someone tell the police I was there? There were hundreds of people at the club that night, but there was no reason for any of them to remember me. *Except for Kirsten and Martha*. My heart jumped a little when I realised Kirsten had witnessed me attacking Kyle. *Fuck!* Again, I tried to remember the events of that night. Did I tell them my last name? I shook my head. It didn't make sense for me to reveal my last name to people I had only just met. I had no reason to hide it, but I also had no reason to reveal it. *Think.* So, even though it made sense for Kirsten to go to the cops after watching the news, how did the cops know how to find me, if all they had was my first name and physical description? Maybe there was another explanation. The cops must have placed me on the scene some other way. *Maybe there was a video camera at the club?* *Or, maybe they knew you had a relationship with Terri*. I closed my eyes at that thought. Was that possible? Once again, scenes of the night two years ago played through my head. I vaguely remembered giving an account of the accident to the policewoman who later arrived at the scene. But, I was never called on as a witness in the court case. They had other witnesses who were more coherent than I was. Did I ever tell them about Terri and me? I opened my eyes. No, I did not. If they found out about our relationship, they must have found out some other way. Thinking about all this had made me realise how easy it would be for the detectives to make me their prime suspect. I was certain I wasn’t their suspect, yet, or they wouldn’t have let me go so easily. But, had they found out about my relationship with Kyle’s victim, or about how I attacked him the night he was murdered…*or if they find the switchblade you left in Dan’s apartment*… I was now at the train station, waiting for my train to arrive. *On my way to work*, I realised. I hadn’t even paid any attention to what I was doing. Should I really continue on to work, when there are so many questions whizzing around in my head? Almost subconsciously, I pulled out my phone and tried to reach Dan. Except he wasn’t picking up. He was probably in another one of those damned surgical shifts, I decided. I won’t hear from him until tonight. I sighed. *I’m on my own today.* Maybe I should go to work after all. It was what Dan had wanted me to do. I thought more about my options. Or, I could look for Kirsten at her college, find out what she intends to do with her knowledge of my altercation with Kyle. Dan had mentioned the subject Martha and Kirsten were doing together, which should be enough for me to track her down. Or, I could try the nightclub, see if I can jog my memory, or check if there were any cameras. They would be closed during the day, but the manager might still be there. I had been there during the day to recover a bag which I had left behind by accident, once. *Plus, you can check out the crime scene while you’re in the area.* Only, either option would expose me to even more suspicion. Would it be worth the risk? Last edited by sagittaeri on Tue Dec 25, 2012 4:24 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Tikanni Corazon Honored Citizen Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Posts: 1286 Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!). Items Legends 18382 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 10:33 am    Post subject: Awesome new chapter, Sagi! This is currently one of my favourite SGs on IF and I always look forward to new editions to the story. And this one didn't disappoint. And, though it looks like a rather short chapter, it really doesn't read as though it is at all. It's very full and well-written, and there's no feeling of it lacking anything, as can be the case with shorter chapters sometimes. Considering that Seb has no idea how the Detectives know so much about him, I figure that he can't know exactly to what extent their knowledge reaches. And as the red-head seemed pretty keen to question him regardless of making him late for work, it does seem a little suspicious that her partner would completely disregard her...unless he had a reason behind it. If they have his name and address, they could also know where he works too. The detective could be testing him. If they check to see if he's at work and he isn't, it's going to fuel any suspicions that they have about Seb further. So I think Seb should just try and put recent events to the back of his mind, and try to go about his usual workday in a normal manner, attempting to not behave in any way that might be considered strange by his colleagues. Maybe when he has some time to himself, he can go over things in his head, to try and come up with a story to tell the police, because he is going to have to go see them. He could possibly call Dan at some point too, to see if they can meet up to have a talk. Just found this one little thing... Quote: Me, on the other hand, was rubbish at the card game. The 'me' doesn't sound quite right when reading through here. I think it would sound better as 'I'. Aside from that - Perfect, and very much enjoyed! Looking forward to chapter six already! Keep up the good work! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887 Back to top Author Seraphi General Fiction Mod Joined: 25 Oct 2012 Posts: 503 Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea Items Legends 5512 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 12:52 pm    Post subject: Another brilliant chapter, sagittaeri! Yes, it was shorter than the others you have written, but it felt complete nonetheless. I'm curious about this list...and what/who put our guy on it. If Kirsten had snitched to the police and told them his name/appearance I think they would have been aware of who he was as soon as they saw him, but instead they asked if he lived there and when he told them he was the guy they were looking for they seemed shocked. So, no, I don't think Kirsten went to the police or else he would have been recognized almost immediately. She might not even remember last night completely, so no need to cast suspiscion on himself by going to see her. Maybe, during his interview with the police about Terri, he let something slip that he wasn't aware of and it was put on record? But then you would think the police would have a description of him already if they pulled his name from that scenario. Hm... To me it seems the best option would be to go to work, act as normal as possible, and work through what he doesn't remember from last night, like Tikanni said. If there is a way he could go past the club to take a quick peek into the alley where he attacked Kyle (or at least scope the area to see if there is a crime scene that the police are picking over) before heading to work, that could be good for getting a better handle on the situation. Plus seeing the place might jog his foggy memory a bit. Can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the great work! _________________ "The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul." -Mason Cooley Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:09 pm    Post subject: Thanks Tika and Seraphi!! Oh Tika, also, thanks for noticing the embarrassing stuff-up --- I do things like that sometimes, because I keep changing the sentence structure midway. Initially I was going to do a "Me? I'm rubbish..." but then decided I felt better with what I have now instead. Back to top Author Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire Joined: 21 Jan 2006 Posts: 3102 Location: The Frozen North Items Legends 41350 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:00 pm    Post subject: Checking out the crime scene is really...really bad. Most murderers will return to the crime scene and if you're on the suspect list that's sure to get you kicked up another few notches. Your best bet is to head to work, even though you've called in. Your distraction will be taken for whatever illness was bad enough to make you call in in the first place and they might just send you home, giving you legitimate free time. That way if the detectives check it's rather obvious you weren't feeling well, called in, thought better of it, and got sent home anyway for being generally ill. Pick up a paper, see what it says about the crime, watch some tv, and then go to the station. That way you can also use the excuse that you're ill for any off behavior you might be exhibiting during the interview. Right now that list is beyond you, unless you have a police contact, and extra interest in it might get you singled out. Great chapter Sagi. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..." "Music makes you braver." Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 4:22 pm    Post subject: Thanks Rai for the awesome comments! Man, I'm so fired up by this SG, and I so can't wait to continue on to the next chapter. It might not look like it, but I'm exercising a lot of restraint right now by not posting up a poll yet. It's holiday time, too, so I might have to give it a bit more time. Back to top Author plausible_follicile Resident Joined: 02 Jan 2013 Posts: 57 Location: India Items Legends 335 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:59 am    Post subject: Hey Sagi! I'm really enjoying reading this story. The writing style is really cool and the story line in itself is very intriguing. I'm gonna say Seb goes to work. It would be really foolish to go back to the crime scene and make ourselves a bigger suspect now. Amazing writing, once again Back to top Author Seraphi General Fiction Mod Joined: 25 Oct 2012 Posts: 503 Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea Items Legends 5512 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:13 am    Post subject: Well now I just feel silly for suggesting the "go back to the scene" thing, haha. But, I have said it nonetheless, and I will stick with it. Plus just because he's on the list doesn't mean he's totally a suspect...right? *double thinks it, then goes to hide my shame in a corner* _________________ "The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul." -Mason Cooley Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends 9744 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:22 am    Post subject: Just go to work. Pretend you laid back down and you got to feeling better. Act like everything is normal and no one will be suspicious. Well done you on another good chapter chock full of good stuffs! _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Andolyn Mayor's Ambassador Joined: 18 Apr 2011 Posts: 852 Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales... Items Legends 12390 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:51 am    Post subject: loving it, still, Sagi!! i'm going to f5 almost everyone else & say lets just head on to work. we're already on the way anyways. Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:39 am    Post subject: Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this SG! I was trying to put a poll up, but I keep running into some weird technical issue where I get redirected to a different site (http://templates.doteasy.com) that says "webpage not available". Anyone else have this problem, or just me? Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:42 pm    Post subject: Poll is up! Back to top Author Tikanni Corazon Honored Citizen Joined: 25 Oct 2009 Posts: 1286 Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!). Items Legends 18382 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:56 am    Post subject: Voted and glad you managed to get the poll up, Sagi! _________________ .... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.... Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887 Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:02 pm    Post subject: Poll is now closed and chapter is in writing! Back to top Author sagittaeri Scifi/Experimental Mod Joined: 05 May 2012 Posts: 367 Items Legends 2730 Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:01 am    Post subject: Hi all readers of this SG! Thanks so much for following it! Thanks to this SG winning spotlight, it now has a new forum. See here: http://www.cityofif.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=229 _________________ Back to top Maybe I should...no! Don't get distracted. Head to work, now. Then... I need to find out what Dan wants to tell me before I go to the station. He might have something for me.  0%  [ 0 ] It's worth the risk. I have to check out the crime scene at some point, if it means I can remember what happened, or how I got into the list.  33%  [ 1 ] Don't raise any suspicions. I have to be consistent in everything I do. I called in sick last night, now I have to make it feel real.  66%  [ 2 ] Total Votes : 3 : Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First         Storygames Home -> Storygames: Horror, Mystery and Suspense All times are GMT - 8 Hours Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next Page 1 of 3 Jump to: Select a forum Info Street - FAQs and Guides to the City----------------IF Technical Institute and FAQIFquirerWriter's Academy City Central----------------City AuditoriumOpen ForumThe City!The Market BizarreHall of DebateAdvertisement BoardAuditorium ArchivesOpen Forum Archives The Fantasy Forest - Fantasy Storygames----------------Storygames: FantasyMature Fantasy StorygamesThe Children of LeyondIs this Me?The Funny Bone: Jokes and Humorous PicsTempora CrepusculiSparkleStepsFantasy Tales of IF Skiffiville - Science Fiction and Experimental SGs----------------Storygames: Scifi and ExperimentalMature Sci-Fi StorygamesHeavy MetalSymphony's RequiemSector 17Heavy Metal v2 Manor of the Macabre - Horror, Mystery, and Suspense----------------Storygames: Horror, Mystery and SuspenseMature Horror StorygamesThe Hidden Crime Reality Road - General Fiction SGs----------------Storygames - General FictionMature General Fiction Linear Lane - Linear stories, Critiques and writing competitions.----------------Linear DistrictMature Linear TalesLinear LibraryCritique Corner.Writers' ArenaShort Story Avenue Multiverse - CYOA-style Interactive Stories----------------How to create your CYOA Interactive StoryMultiverse Stories Role Player's Den----------------Role Playing Announcements and General InformationMature Role PlayingRole Play Rules and RequestsOne-On-One Role PlaysGroup Role PlaysFan Fiction Role PlaysOut of Character Discussion Threads Word Game Way----------------Fun with words! Artistic Avenue - Poetry and Member Art----------------Poetry PalaceMature PoetryArt GalleryMature Art Gallery Stasis Hall - Completed or archived Storygames----------------The Wheel - The White QueenElection Oct 10The Archer's QuestThe Magician's TouchThe Wheel - The Fish That WalkedRunThe Wheel - The RamThe Wheel - The Machine's DaughterThe Wheel - The Twin PrinceIndelibleTrade WindowsThe 2009 IFYsThe WeatherwardenGrim ReapingEterna FamiliaMayoral Election April 2011The HuntGalleons of the StarsRhapsody in BlueDoors to the TruthWrathBarry the NormalConversations With a Dead FriendBittersweet ReverieElection October 09InterFable Stories - A Vampire's Quest - COMPLETEInterFable Stories - Bushido - COMPLETEInterFable Stories - When Stories Travel TogetherMayoral Election May 2012Election Oct 2011ArenaThe Time BeforeBattle to the End - Start Here!Battle to the End - The Master of Illusion and LightElection March 09Battle to the End - SpellsingerBattle to the End - Yahoo: Mind over MagicElection March 2013A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo LupiTruthseeker - COMPLETEPirates, Vampires, and Ninjas, Oh My!Virtual - COMPLETEFinite Cosmos - COMPLETESheerluck Holmes - COMPLETESojourner's Journey - COMPLETEAbduction!Beyond the Horn - COMPLETEShadows of the MindIFY Awards 2007Good vs Evil vs money!Heroes Never PanicNo Good Deed...Tired of Death - COMPLETEThe Greatest Fantasy Story EverPillboxDear Dotty.First against the WallScrapyard - On holdLords and LadiesFabled Island - COMPLETEConfession Box - COMPLETEUnderdark - COMPLETEA Glass Friendship - COMPLETEElection Oct 08ElvendorAvarice - COMPLETEVengeance - COMPLETEThe Dark - COMPLETEThe Endless WallTo Pass a TorchRise of ShadowsThe ArchivesThe IFY 2006 ArchiveElection Apr 08Election Oct 07Election Apr 07Election Oct 06Election Apr 06The Vault  You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum

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