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Strength Within - Chapter Nine (Needs comments) Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next   (currently a favorite of )    Storygames Home -> -> The Vault View previous topic :: View next topic   Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:13 am    Post subject: Strength Within - Chapter Nine (Needs comments) Chapter 1: Hatred I've heard tell of the day that I was born. The story's never changed, so I believe it. It starts with my mother in labor on a cold December morning. They say her screams could be heard all over town. My sister was born a couple of hours later, while I was still snug in my mother's womb. She was in labor with me all day. A blizzard swirled outside, the worst blizzard the town had ever seen. As the town clock tower struck the witching hour, I finally took my place in the world. (Now here we reach the part that always makes me flinch.) The town, and my mother, accuse me of causing the storm because as soon as my head peeked out, the blizzard gradually calmed down until the night was still. That blizzard wiped out a little more than a forth of the town. It covered the entire ground from December through May. The snow piled high. A lot of the farm animals died because the farmers weren't able to feed them. It was the worst blizzard, and it was all blamed on me. My mother once told me that no one would ever forget that tragedy as long as I was around. I got the hint, but there was no other place for me to go. Any relatives we had were either dead or lived in this town. This town, although peaceful-looking on the outside, is full of emptiness and loneliness. Anyone passing by would think it pleasant and cheerful, but it's full of more prejudice and hatred than a thousand Hells. This town hated me for something they couldn't understand. They feared me, or at least what they believed I could do. They shunned me. If I walked into a tavern, all the talking would cease. If I stayed, they would speak again, but only in a whisper. Even at school it was pretty much the same. If I raised my hand to answer a question, I was ignored. I never got my tests back, nor did I receive any papers I passed in. I never got a report card to hand to my mother at the end of a semester. All I did was sit and learn that the town I lived in didn't need me, and I didn't need them. Although my tale is sad, I did have one small amount of joy to chase out the gloom. That was my sister. She was so innocent of the whole matter, that sometimes I couldn't help being jealous. She was the town queen. Everyone adored and admired her. She was the teacher of the little school on the outskirts of town. Having graduated at thirteen, the normal age, she had decided to volunteer to teach a class of about one hundred to a hundred fifty, ranging in age from five to thirteen. She took care of the kids whenever the parents needed a break. I never helped, because my help would have been useless. -------------------------- I walked into the center of town, people scattered into the various stores so they would be out of my way. I sat on the edge of the “wishing well”, sifting my hand through the water. I picked up a coin and lifted it to the sun. Placing it into my skirt pocket, I continued taking coins from the fountain. I stood and headed for the general store. I walked into a small, wooden building. It was littered with objects in somewhat neat piles all over the small space inside. I browsed through the store until I found the perfect gift. It was a blue dress with long, loose sleeves, a flowing skirt, and other features that made it perfect for her. My sister was so excited because it was our birthday. She always loved being twins, and everyday I would hear her say 'thank you' to an invisible being in her room. I placed the money I had gotten from the fountain on the counter when the salesman wasn't looking. I knew he would never allow me to take the dress otherwise. I rushed out of the store and headed on my way. I stopped by the school, having hid my package, in hopes that my sister was there. She was, so I waited. When she was done, we walked to our favorite spot. It was a river about a mile from home, with a bridge some three miles down. The spot we went to was shallow and much more calm than further upstream. We removed our shoes and dipped our feet into the cool water. “So, what'd ya get me?” she asked teasingly. “Nothing, I decided that it was too much trouble.” I replied, solemnly. “Aww, and I bought you one this year.” “Well, then, I'll get you one as soon as we get home.” “How you gonna do that?” “Simple, I'll go to my closet and pick out a dress for you.” “But your clothes are all so dark, besides, I don't want anything second-hand from you.” “Alright, I'll try and find something better, but there are no guarantees.” “Your best efforts are fine with me.” We got up and gathered our things. We headed home, chattering away like magpies. When we reached home, I made an excuse to stay behind. I surveyed the area, just to make sure. It was a beautiful home, pale blue on the outside, and a dazzling white on the inside. We owned about two acres of land surrounding the house, a run down barn, and a small pump behind the house. The inside had six bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a balcony with a view of the river. Mother's bedroom was on the west side. My sister's bedroom was in the middle, with the balcony. My room was on the third floor, facing the east. Each room was roughly the same size, except for my sister's. Her's was a square meter larger than the rest. My room was right below the attic, and slightly smaller than my mother's. Over the years, I had developed my own collection of odd objects, ranging from oddly shaped spoons to a rock in the shape of a broom. My sister, on the other-hand, had her own private collection of letters from various suitors across the county. She never would admit to it, but she had already made her choice of suitor. I was suddenly knocked out of my reverie, when I realized how late it was. I quickly ran back the way we had come, and found the dress. I hastened home, coming in just in time for supper. After eating, my sister and I headed upstairs to exchange gifts. She loved the dress, immediately putting it on and twirling in front of the mirror. My gift was a black silk dress, somewhat short by society's standards, but I loved it all the more for that reason. After getting over the thrill of the gifts, I turned out the lights and headed to the bathroom downstairs. I noticed our mother exiting the doorway, heading out into the night. I finished my business and returned upstairs. Checking on my sister, I headed further up the maze of our household, when suddenly I heard a loud bang on our door. I hurried downstairs to check who it was. Looking out of a window, I saw a large group of townsfolk, all holding torches under the moonlight. I was struck with terror when I heard what they were shouting. They were accusing me of murder! I heard it as clearly as the bell tower could be heard from ten feet away. My thoughts started to whir, spinning like a spinning wheel. What should I do? I could escape through the back door, but there might be someone there. How do I escape this? _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Adalia on Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:18 am; edited 31 times in total Back to top Author Masterweaver Honored Citizen Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1463 Location: Look around Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:10 am    Post subject: A tale told by the EVIL twin. Interesting twist... Get your sister and run like <Insert Any Word You Consider Appropriate>. With any luck, your mystic capabilities will protect you. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8879 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:12 am    Post subject: Quite an intruiging start there Adi. I think there could be a bit more description of the town, as we don't get any idea of setting, but perhaps that's on purpose? Also, try not to repeat words so close together. You repeat 'town' a lot in the first bit. So, DP. I would say send the sister out to say she's not home. Everyone likes her. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author algu95 Citizen Joined: 04 Mar 2007 Posts: 265 Location: Trudging around in Allwhere Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:54 am    Post subject: Hmmmmmm... Usually women doens't write good books/stories (J.K. Rowling exepted) but you definetly managed it. DP? What is a DP? Just joking. FIND A DAMN WAY OUT AND COLLECT ANYTHING IMPORTANT LIKE FOOD AND RUUUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!! _________________ Yes, no, what, hello? Falcon Lord, a linear story by algu! Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:04 pm    Post subject: Nicely introduced, Adalia but I would have liked to see more interaction between the sisters... just to see how deep the bond/connection of sisterhood really goes. Hmmm..... I f5 China's idea to send the liked sister out to the angry people but also the idea to sneak out and plan to meet the sister somewhere else later to get the story from her about what had happened. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:20 pm    Post subject: Cool Cool start, friend . I agree with algu. But, because of time crunching, I gotta leave it at that. _________________ Battle on! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:39 am    Post subject: Wow! Thanks for the feedback. MW: Is she really the evil one? C'ren: Yes, it was on purpose. The town is supposed to be somewhat insignificant. I realize I mention "town" too much. I was going to name it, but couldn't think of anything that sounded right. Algu: Thanks! I hope you don't just say that 'cause I joined TMF... Lilith: You never know, depending on how the DP goes, I might just show how deep their relationship is. Your idea sounds intriguing. Meranos: Thanks. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Masterweaver Honored Citizen Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1463 Location: Look around Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:36 am    Post subject: That was a joke. You know, the who "evil twin" cliche? Back to top Author DELETED Guest Items Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:01 pm    Post subject: DELETED Back to top Author NeverNeverGirl Honored Citizen Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 1216 Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:56 pm    Post subject: okay... i found the story was a bit rushed. you need to extrapolate (expand) more on it. ie. [quote] After getting over the thrill of the gifts, I turned out the lights and headed to the bathroom downstairs. I noticed our mother exiting the doorway, heading out into the night. I finished my business and returned upstairs. Checking on my sister, I headed further up the maze of our household, when suddenly I heard a loud bang on our door. I hurried downstairs to check who it was. Looking out of a window, I saw a large group of townsfolk, all holding torches under the moonlight. I was struck with terror when I heard what they were shouting. They were accusing me of murder! I heard it as clearly as the bell tower could be heard from ten feet away. My thoughts started to whir, spinning like a spinning wheel. What should I do? I could escape through the back door, but there might be someone there. How do I escape this?[/qutoe] one minute she is going up to bed and the next she is being accussed of murder. there isnt a need to rush through the first chapter to get to the 'interesting' bit. Develop the mood between her mother and her a bit more, detail the relationship with the sister more and as has been said previously maybe flesh out the town a bit so that we get a sense of what era we are dealing with... the town was to scared to look her in the eye and now they are mobbing at her door? maybe rather than hdiing from her the people would be whispering behind their hands or pulling their children out of their reach. also something that seems strange to me is that they blame her for the storm that 'STOPPED' the moment she was born. maybe it would rign more tru if it had started when she was born instead. on the whole i can see a definite interesting story emerge. i would send the sister down to placate the mob and say that the 'evil' twin has fled the town. then she can mysteriously lurk in the shadows finguring out who is doing the killing. oh are they identical? _________________ ~ ~ Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 1:13 am    Post subject: Short and sweet: I like it, and I agree with Lilith. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 2:40 am    Post subject: No, Nene, they're not identical (which is something I will have to put in the second chapter.) Thanks for commenting, sis. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 6:42 pm    Post subject: No problem. You know I'll do it often. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:25 am    Post subject: The poll has been opened. Choose wisely, dear Ifians, for the fate of the character depends on your choice. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: I chose to take the sister and run. Run, Run away and never return. They don't need you anyway. Or so they think. Have the townsmen be killed my a magical cause that she could have stopped! _________________ Battle on! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:48 am    Post subject: Poll is closed. Thanks to all who voted. Off to write Chapter 2! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:56 am    Post subject: Hurray! Just don't forget the plan. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author DELETED Guest Items Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:01 am    Post subject: DELETED Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:03 pm    Post subject: It might have mattered, Zephyr. I mean, if you had voted for "Get sister and run with any provisions they can carry", you would have tied it. Anyways, thought I would post the results and then I'll post Chapter 2. So here's the results: Get sister and run with any provisions they can carry [ 2 ] Send out the sister and flee [ 0 ] Send out the sister and plan to meet her later [ 3 ] Ask the sister to swap dresses with her and both come out [ 0 ] Who Voted: chinaren, CurlyBear, dinranwen, Masterweaver, meranos _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Adalia on Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:22 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:16 pm    Post subject: Chapter 2: Fear Chapter 2: Fear What about my sister? Maybe she can calm them down. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed at all that was happening to me. I rushed upstairs, taking them two at a time. I slowly opened the door to see if she was still awake. She was. Sitting up in bed, with a slightly bewildered look on her face, she looked at me. I wasn't sure where to start but soon realized I didn't have to. I was again aware of the differences between us. She had light tan features, whereas my skin was pale. Her hair was a light chestnut brown, and her eyes were a brilliant hazel. In contrast, I had jet black hair with dark gray eyes. I loved animals, she loved people. That's always been the way it has been. She stood up and calmly dressed into her birthday gift. “I'm going out there. I'll try and calm them down.” She said, confidence filling her voice. “Alright, I'll meet you later at our spot. Try to discover what's going on.” “I will.” “Good luck.” She opened the door and slipped out noiselessly. I listened as her soft footsteps slowly worked their way down the stairs. I stepped out of her bedroom and took a left. I walked up the stairs leading to my room. I grabbed my cloak and headed down a small, hidden passageway that led into the kitchen. I cautiously opened the door to make sure that nobody was there. Asserting that there was no one, I crept to the back door. Looking out it's glass window, I checked if there was anyone. To my relief, the back yard was empty. I opened the door slowly to minimize the noise. I breathed out, watching the white vapor of my breath in the cool night air, once again reminding me of the time of year. I took a step forward, then another. Soon, I was running. My footsteps fell on the soft grass in a steady rhythm that slowly matched itself with my heartbeat. As I reached the beginning of the forest, I had the urge to look back. All seemed quiet, though I knew differently. I turned toward the forest, placing my hood over my face. I crossed the subtle boundary between the gently sloping hill that led to my house, and the dense woodland. Carefully watching my footsteps, I walked. I walked like a shadow. The leaves rustled as my dark cloak passed over them. The shadows of the trees aided in concealing me. My mind drifted to a time long ago when I was the age of about six or seven. I had always had a curiosity of what lie within the depths of the trees I saw daily from my room. One day, while no one was looking, I slipped through the back door and headed for the forest. I cautiously stepped into it. Being so young, I saw the trees as great giants just waiting to snatch me up. I wandered deeper and deeper into that strange and unknown world. Soon, I began to realize that I had no idea how to get back. With such thoughts in my mind, I grew numb with fear. My legs couldn't, or wouldn't, move. I fell to my knees in despair of ever finding a way back. Suddenly, I felt, rather than saw, a figure approaching. Too frightened to look up, I just froze, hoping it would leave me alone. It didn't. In fact, it drew nearer and nearer. Soon it stood right in front of me and I could see the tips of it's boots. Surprisingly, it fell on its knees and hugged me. Then it stood, pointed in an easterly direction, and disappeared. I stood. Checking myself to see if it had done anything to me, I discovered something. Around my neck was a strange necklace of some sort. It was white gold, with an oddly shaped pendant attached to it. I could barely make out the stones on each section of the pendant. Puzzled, I absentmindedly walked in the direction it had pointed. I soon realized that the trees were getting thinner. I suddenly stepped out of the trees and was back at the foot of the hill. Relief flooded me at the sight of that familiar house. I paused. Wait a moment! When did that happen?! I remember getting lost in the woods, but I don't remember a strange being there. I only wandered my way back home. Strange... I was suddenly aware of a weight around my throat. I looked down and saw that strange pendant. I was so shocked that I stood there staring at it. This wasn't around my neck when I left the house. What is going on? This is impossible! I felt a sudden urgency to glance around to see where I was. In my reverie I had failed to notice where my feet had been taking me. I was in our spot, but it was barely recognizable. The river, which only this afternoon had been flowing happily, was now frozen with a shallow sheet of ice. The ground was wet and cold. I realized that the air was much, much colder than it had been when I had started my trek. It was almost as if nature was aware of what was happening. With a gnawing uncertainty, I sat on the cold, hard ground to await my sister. A cold wind rose, chilling me. I hugged my feet for more warmth. Placing my cloak tighter against me, I began to grow impatient. I realized that an hour had passed and there was no sign of her. I heard not a sound. It wasn't surprising, but it was an eerie silence. It was as if the world was holding its breath, waiting for something terrible to happen. Finally, I could wait no longer. I stood, rubbing my hands together from the cold. I headed back home, hoping there wouldn't be a mob awaiting me. A thought suddenly struck me. It was so terrifying that I put it immediately out of my mind. Only, the thought kept returning to haunt me. My steps slowed as a great weight came upon me. I did my best to turn my thoughts to more pleasant things, but it wouldn't go away. It kept nagging me from the back of my mind like a mother nagging her child. As I neared the edge of the forest, I could smell, as well as see, smoke rising from the direction of our house. Fear gripped me like a noose. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. I couldn't see anything beyond the black smoke rising in spirals into the night sky. It curled against the bright, full moon. I ran. The trees began to thin as I raced by. I suddenly came to a halt at the very edge of the woods. The beautiful blue house was ablaze in crimson flames. I stood unable to move at the horror of the scene before me. I fell to my knees as the tears started to flow. They fell faster and faster like the snow that had begun to descend. They soon turned into powerful sobs that shook my body. I realized that there was a high possibility that my sister had been caught in the flames. I looked up through my tears. I may have lost my family. I may have lost my home, but I was determined to live. ----------------- A strange necklace appeared around her neck, her house is burning, she may have lost her sister, so what does she do? P.S. I may be on vacation for a few days, but please, post away. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Adalia on Sat Oct 27, 2007 11:37 pm; edited 3 times in total Back to top Author Mephistopheles Respected Citizen Joined: 24 May 2007 Posts: 612 Location: Not where I want to be. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:28 pm    Post subject: very interesting story! well, written, but before another can mention it, try to avoid starting a lot of sentences with 'I'. work your way around what you want to describe in such a way that 'I' falls later in the sentence. Someone informed me that I needed to work on this as well, so I figured that it would only be considerate to pass this knowledge to you as well. otherwise, very nice. the dp's though, let me think....... *smoke fills room as thinking intensifies* I guess that the wise thing to do is search near the house to ascertain whether her sister got free or not. Perhaps the mob kidnapped her, thinking that she was the evil sister, and had killed the good sister as well as their mother, oops, other victim, I meant. She could wish to see if her sister was alive, and perhaps the mysterious stranger would reappear? as for the necklace, it was a gift from her father, conveniently not mentioned, i note, who was a sorcerer or warlock? the apparition gave ti to her, because her father willed it, or perhaps the apparition is her father? Okay, made enough guesses. Keep up the good work! oh, and their, not there, when she is going down the stairs. Another option for her sister and mother disappearing: It is a plot by the two of them to force the evil one into a despair so deep that she flees the town. They aren't really dead. just a thought. _________________ Cause I am, whatever you say I am If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? I don't know, it's just the way I am. eminem without the threat of death, there is no reason to live at all marilyn manson Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:37 pm    Post subject: I like this one a lot. In my opinion each chapter is just the right length, and each chapter adds a new thread to the tale (so far). I say that she should look for her sister. She can't be sure that the sister's dead without seeing her body. Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:06 am    Post subject: *reads Messy's post* Oh, I didn't notice that. Sorry, Adi. It looks like I fail as your proofreader. *hangs head* _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:42 am    Post subject: This is good. The only niggle I had with it, (and it may be down to me not 'getting it') was the bit about the stranger in the forest. This was described as the stranger kneeling down and hugging the main character, and a pendant appearing around her neck immediately after. This suggests that the stranger had something to do with its appearance. However, immediately afterwards, the main character is puzzling over the pendant, and not remembering the stranger that she had immediately described beforehand. Is it that you are trying to convey to the reader something that the main character doesn't know, or cannot remember? If so, you may need to find another way of writing this. Maybe find a way of describing it from a different point of view, or maybe erase the description of the stranger altogether, and reveal it later in the story. The main character is telling the story, it just seems strange that first she remembers it, and then she does not. Other than that little confusion, it is an interesting story, I like the settings and moods, and I am enjoying the read. For the DP - Something else has occurred, the change in the temperature, the freezing over of the water. How much time has passed? Or maybe she has been transported forwards or backwards in time? Her surroundings seem different somehow. Also, having described the blizzard at the time of her birth, could this in some way be related to the chilling that is occurring now? My suggestion is that she should doubt the reality of what she sees before her, and look for clues in her environment to ascertain exactly what has happened. Looking forward to the next chapter. Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:44 am    Post subject: I'm not sure I completely understand what you mean, Crunchy. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:51 am    Post subject: Quote: Suddenly, I felt, rather than saw, a figure approaching. Too frightened to look up, I just froze, hoping it would leave me alone. It didn't. In fact, it drew nearer and nearer. Soon it stood right in front of me and I could see the tips of it's boots. Surprisingly, it fell on its knees and hugged me. Then it stood, pointed in an easterly direction, and disappeared. I stood. Checking myself to see if it had done anything to me, I discovered something. Around my neck was a strange necklace of some sort. It was white gold, with an oddly shaped pendant attached to it. I could barely make out the stones on each section of the pendant. Puzzled, I absentmindedly walked in the direction it had pointed. I soon realized that the trees were getting thinner. I suddenly stepped out of the trees and was back at the foot of the hill. Relief flooded me at the sight of that familiar house. Okay, here, the main character describes the events surrounding the appearance of the stranger, and of the pendant. Then directly after, we have: Quote: I paused. Wait a moment! When did that happen?! I remember getting lost in the woods, but I don't remember a strange being there. I only wandered my way back home. Strange... I was suddenly aware of a weight around my throat. I looked down and saw that strange pendant. I was so shocked that I stood there staring at it. This wasn't around my neck when I left the house. What is going on? This is impossible! She has suddenly forgotton about it! This was something that was pointed out to me in my SG, which is that when you are writing from inside the head of a character, it is difficult to have the reader know something that the character does not. If she was meant to be unaware of the encounter having happened at this point in the story, it may add to the mysteriousness of it all if you did not mention the stranger in this chapter. Instead, you could hold it for a later point in the story, when the memory of the encounter is evoked in her mind, somehow. Unless there is a good reason why you want the reader to know something up front that the character does not... Back to top Author Masterweaver Honored Citizen Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Posts: 1463 Location: Look around Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:46 am    Post subject: Resurfacing of memories is a commen phenomena, CF. Simply becuase she does not remeber when it happened does not mean she forgot it. On the other hand, she might not be the real I-forget-her-name at all, but a changling! An elf sent to replace a stolen baby! As for the dp, she runs paniced through the foret, then encounters an oddly familiar crying girl, upon whom she places her pendant... Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8879 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:00 am    Post subject: Pretty good chapter there. Only a couple of minor technicalities, (missed an 'r' off stranger I think, and something else I've forgotten). Otherwise I've nothing to add to the comments above. DP: I would f5 Muddy. Go and examine the house, carefully. I was thinking 'time shift' myself with the sudden cold. [Edit] Oh, nice necklace to get for free. $171! _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author solus.serpen Respected Citizen Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 608 Location: UK Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:03 pm    Post subject: I think that she was remembering her time when she was in the forest when she was younger, CF - but then seemed to get carried away with the memory and 'added in' the stranger part. After the flashback had finished, she exclaims silently: Quote: Wait a moment! When did that happen?! I remember getting lost in the woods, but I don't remember a stranger being there. I only wandered my way back home. Strange... So then she realises that she got 'carried away' in remembering her flashback and 'corrects' the memory. ... Well, that was my spin on it anyway. I noticed a few mistakes, I'll just put in the spellings I can remember. Quote: . I was in our spot, but it was almost barely recognizable I don't think the 'almost' needs to be there. It would sound a bit better without it, anyway. Quote: The river, which only this afternoon had been flowing happily, was now frozen with a shallow sheet of ice. 'Was now a shallow frozen sheet of ice.' - or something like that. Ok, I can't think of any others. You're pretty good on the spelling/grammar front anyhow. As for the DP - are there still people there? Looking around would be risky if so. In fact - although not certain, she at least thinks that it has only been an hour. Poeple of the mob may still be waiting there to see if she comes back, or looking through the rubble for burnt bones? If they hate her so much - would they really be satisfied that she might have been killed? As such, I suggest that she wait/sleep in a tree for the night and investigate in the early morning when the village will hopefully have gone to sleep. It's better to be safe than sorry after all. ~Solus _________________ Ogden the Octopus has hijacked my avatar image chapter 6 of DESTINY - a super old SG which won't continue...but there are a full 6 chapters if you feel like reading something with no ending! Back to top Author Crossfire Citizen Joined: 07 Apr 2007 Posts: 479 Location: Somewhere between here and not-here, now and not-now... in the half-light, the borderlands, between. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:40 pm    Post subject: Hmm... For some reason I didn't like the first chapter until I cast it in the voice of an American girl of about nineteen years with golden, curly locks. Don't ask me why, it just seemed appropriate. I watch too many movies with that kind of narration, OK? [/unusual rambling involving western films about ranches, 'papas' and 'maws'] Otherwise, lovely story. I was actually planning to vote for the first option, myself, but there you go. I personally feel that since she's not really welcome there and she has nothing keeping her there, she might as well wander off into the sunset with a fair bit of currency and a fair bit of provisions, her lovely sister by her side. Perhaps the lovely sister dies. Dies a horrible, horrible, unpleasant death. During the journey. The elementalist sister sees some clue as to the identity of the murderer and sets out to find him or her or it, encountering all sorts of unusual beings along the way and ever learning more about her strange and amazingly powerful abilities. Just a thought. _________________ Thrash, dash and crash alike. Silent eyes decide the wise and unwise - for one that lies. Let it arise. Back to top Author Head Eater Resident Joined: 20 May 2007 Posts: 62 Location: Hovering above your sssssskull Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:46 pm    Post subject: Thisss ssstory hasss been judged worth of promotion. Enssssure it ssstaysss that way, or I sssshall return. _________________ Heads. Back to top Author Crossfire Citizen Joined: 07 Apr 2007 Posts: 479 Location: Somewhere between here and not-here, now and not-now... in the half-light, the borderlands, between. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 4:18 pm    Post subject: Heads! *grins happily* Congratulations, Adalia. This story is truly worth of promotion. I doubt that the Head Eater will return to claim you for a while, regardless. This is a good enough story to survive for quite a while on merit alone... _________________ Thrash, dash and crash alike. Silent eyes decide the wise and unwise - for one that lies. Let it arise. Last edited by Crossfire on Tue Aug 21, 2007 10:56 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 2:29 am    Post subject: Wow! I feel honored. The poll will be up tomorrow. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:02 am    Post subject: I haven't exactly read any of the other stories of the SGOTM, but I have read this one. The promotion is well deserved in my opinion. Congratulations Adalia! Back to top Author NeverNeverGirl Honored Citizen Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 1216 Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 6:45 pm    Post subject: Hey i just wanted to say that the diff between your first and second posts is amazing! good job with it! I think one way to clear up the confusion between what is memory and what isn't is the use of italics and seperation (more dramatic) of the paragraphs.. OH NO! This is just a memory isn't it - so i am safe (whatever you get my point..) i actually think that i have gotten a better feel for what you are trying to do here than some of the other readers have. I believe that you are suggesting that this isn't maybe a memory of the past so much as an 'actual day' occurence that she can't quite place. I can't explain what i am saying so will think about it mroe b4 i comment again! You really are improving dramatically. As for the DP i believe that her sis didnt die but was dramatically scarred and will subsquently blame our fiar twin for this making her an enemy! I also actually like the changeling option too... _________________ ~ ~ Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 12:22 am    Post subject: Poll is up. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Muaddib Comrade Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1765 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:34 am    Post subject: I voted number 1. I was kind of confused though. Putting alternative plots as poll options kind of gives the story away doesn't it? Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:44 am    Post subject: Not necessarily, Muddy. *Laughs out loud* It's a five-way tie so far! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 8:31 pm    Post subject: I need a tie-breaker! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 4:53 am    Post subject: Poll is closed! Thank you to all who voted. Onward to Chapter 3!!! The results: Search near the house to ascertain whether her sister got free or not [ 1 ] Doubt the reality of what she sees before her and look for clues in her environment to ascertain exactly what has happened [ 1 ] Run panicked through the forest, encounter an oddly familiar crying girl upon whom she places her pendant [ 1 ] Wait/sleep in a tree for the night and investigate in the early morning when the village will hopefully have gone to sleep [ 2 ] Find out that her sis didn't die but was dramatically scarred and will subsequently blame our fair twin for this, making her an enemy [ 2 ] Total Votes : 7 Who Voted: chinaren, Crunchyfrog, CurlyBear, Masterweaver, mephistopheles, meranos, Muaddib _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:00 am    Post subject: A tie?! And I so didn't want the sister to become an enemy, but I know you. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:04 am    Post subject: In truth, I ought to put a long apology, filled with a million excuses and reasons as to why this chapter is so late. But I won't. I'll just say that it's here. Chapter 3: Anger Ashes rose and fell as the house continued to burn. The smoke rose like black clouds towards the stars. It spiraled and billowed, disappearing into the night sky. I watched the stars twinkle and dance. They seemed like enormous balls of light, sitting patiently in the sky, waiting for something to come along and disturb them. My eyes caught the light of the fire as I turned towards it. I have to find out if it is true. They wouldn't kill her, would they? Do they hate me enough to overshadow their love for her? And if they hate me so much, would they be satisfied to merely suspect that I'm dead? I doubt it. They might still be around. Gently getting to my feet, I decided that there was nothing else I could do tonight but wait until dawn. Peering into the flames one last time, I turned my back on it and walked forward. The forest engulfed me into its dark depths. I found a suitable tree away from a view of the house. It was a large rosewood tree, one of the few that still grew in the woods. I sat at the base of its trunk, shivering as my seat hit the cold, snow-encrusted ground. Leaning my head against the tree, I watched the snowflakes fall through its bare limbs. It was so cold, I could feel the bits of ice on my face from the tears I had shed. Lowering the lids of my eyes, I drifted into a restless sleep. The ground passed swiftly beneath me. I crested a hill. Before me stood a large stone altar. Five dark figures surrounded it, chanting. Slowly, two of the figures grabbed the fifth and dragged it to the altar. The remaining figures lifted a black, thorn-like crown and placed it on the restrained figure's head. Its screams echoed across the valley. I covered my ears from the shrill sound. Its pain resounded in my head like a thousand hammers. I opened my eyes to discern what was happening when I realized that I was kneeling in a pool of blood. It rose steadily like a flood. I searched for the source. My eyes fell on the altar as it leaked dark, crimson blood. The screams continued. I realized that they no longer came from the fifth figure, but from the altar itself. Its screams intensified. At the moment I thought I couldn't bare it anymore, the blood washed me away. I struggled to the surface, coughing and sputtering, struggling to take a breath. Finally, having lost my strength, my world faded into darkness. My eyes flew open, I gasped and choked as if I was drowning. A low branch I had forgotten was there bumped my head as I stood. I stumbled to the ground, hitting it with a loud thump, causing me to expel the air from inside my lungs. A second later, pain pounded my head and spine. Standing, this time more cautiously, I glanced toward the sky. The colors, a brilliant blend of red, orange, and yellow, were growing paler as the sun rose. Ravens passed overhead, their silhouettes flapped against the brightening light. , I braced myself, traipsing lightly forward, unsure of what I might find. † † † Once again, I reached the boundary. I could see that the house no longer stood, but was a large pile of ashes. A small pillar of stones, which had once been a fireplace, still stood as a testament of its existence. I approached it with tears silently falling down my face. I fell to my knees, placed my hands on my face, and let the sobs come. My memory replayed the moments in my life when I had been filled with despair, but the mere sight of that house had driven away my anguish. “So that's where you've been hiding. Only you would dwell on the past like that.” Looking up, I saw my sister, smiling in a way I had never seen her smile before. I rose clumsily to my feet and ran to her. Joy was plain on my face. I should have seen it in her eyes, but I was too blinded by my happiness at her arrival. Running into her arms, I cried, tears dampening the front of her dress. It happened so quickly I wasn't able to even blink. She pushed me away and spoke in a cold, destitute voice, “I know. I've known for a long time now. I've always hated you for the attention harbored onto you. They hated you, but they were always thinking about you. I tried to get their favor, and succeeded, but they still could only think of their hatred for you. “I hate you. The town hates you. So why don't you just leave?” Hurt, I stared into her deep, hazel eyes. I had always thought that she was oblivious to it all. I had known that she was smart, but had hoped that she would not notice. Rising to my feet, I took one last look at her before slowly descending the hill. I stared at the ground, too stunned to even think. In my delirium, I hardly noticed the trees pass by me, or the sun blazing overhead, nor my cloak whisper over the snow-encrusted ground. I moved forward as if the outside world did not exist. Such a reverie was my downfall. Walking as if no one existed will most likely land you in a terrible spot. My feet had taken me in a direction I had never gone before. My booted feet stepped right into a crudely made net that had been covered with leaves. Any fool would have seen the trap and carefully avoided it, but I had mindlessly walked into it. I stared at the netting and attempted to break it. Unfortunately, though it looked sad, it was terribly strong. No matter how I pulled and twisted, it would not break. As I struggled to free myself, I suddenly heard voices advancing in my direction. “I think we're lost.” “How can we be lost if we don't know where we're headed in the first place.” “I don't know, but I do know that we are headed in the wrong direction and that you are making it impossible for me to listen to anything because of your constant prattling.” I was just about to call out to them, when a third voice spoke. It was much more commanding than the other two had been. It clearly belonged to someone much more advanced in years. “Stop it. Both of you. Neither of you will ever learn what you need to if you continue to argue with each other. Now, I want you both to apologize to each other.” At this I heard some mumbling, then their footsteps continued to approach in my direction. I now had to wonder whether these people would help me or not. I knew enough to know that not all people could be trusted. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 6:18 am    Post subject: It's great, but maybe I'm biased. For the DP: She should... hmm... Well, she's just had her trust completely shattered. I don't think she would put herself in the care of strangers. She should try not to draw attention to herself and hope they won't notice her. Then, if and when they leave, she should try to find some other means of escape besides just breaking it with brute strength. It might be the perfect time to discover her inner magical powers. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: Yaaaaaah I personally think she should call the dudes over there, if they are evil, at least they'll get her out and she can go from there, and if their good, well, that's self-explanatory. Nice chapter, woot for the evil sister! _________________ Battle on! Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:46 am    Post subject: Shows that the Shameless Advertising thread works! I didn't see this new one! Okay, so she's trapped in a net which was probably not laid for her, probably for an animal or something, because as she said, any fool would have seen it and avoided it. Secondly, the people approaching are saying that they are lost, so the chances are they are strangers, and therefore unlikely to harbour the hatred for her that the locals do. Besides, if she doesn't make herself known she's just going to have to wait for the next person to come along, which may actually be the poacher, who is bound to be local. Safest bet, wait until they are close enough to see. I am assuming she's not easily seen from where she's been caught, so she'll be in a better position to know whether they are locals or not. Back to top Author Mephistopheles Respected Citizen Joined: 24 May 2007 Posts: 612 Location: Not where I want to be. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 4:35 am    Post subject: oddly enough, I see her a few feet off the ground, and very exposed to view. Let the people be friendly strangers that help her out, after making some funny jokes or something, and then she can have a few friends that can help her find a new place to live, away from the mean and spiteful villagers. Nicely writ, Adalia. Not a lot to complain about, so i won't. keep up the good story! _________________ Cause I am, whatever you say I am If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? I don't know, it's just the way I am. eminem without the threat of death, there is no reason to live at all marilyn manson Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:28 pm    Post subject: I'm glad Shameless Advertising brought you here, crunchy. Thanks, Messy. I'll definitely keep this up. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 10:58 pm    Post subject: Poll is up. Vote now! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:20 am    Post subject: Poll is closed. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:25 am    Post subject: How does she escape the net? Wait until they are close enough to see to determine if they are friendly or not... [ 3 ] Call them over there to help her out... [ 1 ] Wait until they leave, then figure out some other way to escape... [ 0 ] Vote for ME! (Author only) [ 1 ] Who Voted: Adalia, algu95, Crunchyfrog, CurlyBear, Meranos _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:27 am    Post subject: Chapter 4: Darkness “She's impossible.” he mumbled to himself. “I heard that.” she said behind her back. She had bested him at everything ever since she was old enough to be trained. Whether it was magic study, archery, healing, or even just casual banter, she always excelled. It might be due to her father being the greatest knight who ever lived, but he had the same parent and he, well, stunk. He tried his best but always fell short. Like now for example, he had been given the task of giving directions, also known as leading. So far all he'd managed to do was get them lost and argue with his sister. Some leader. “Come on you two. We need to find a place to rest and train before the snow comes.” She looked at their tutor, then at the gathering darkness in the sky. She knew her mentor had never looked up at the sky, and yet he knew what the weather was like. He was mysterious in that way. The company strode toward a large oak that stood out from the rest of the trees. Its branches were thick, large arms that reached for the threatening sky. They stood beneath its bare branches and glanced toward the bleak heavens. † † † “Do you need help?” Is he talking to me? I hoped that he wasn't. My view was blocked by a thick branch directly in front of me. I could faintly make out the three figures below. There was a girl, a boy, and a man dressed in heavy robes, I couldn't tell what color, just that they were dark. “Amethyst, help her down.” She climbed the bare branches of the tree. With her underneath me, I could now make out her features. Her face was chiseled, a masterpiece of womanhood. She had deep purple strands of hair contrasting attractively with the lighter ones. Her beautiful green eyes sparkled with the exertion of the climb. Her chest heaved up and down in steady rhythms, a clear indication of her focus. She reached out with a thin, sharp knife and deftly cut a square knot of netting. When she had cut a hole large enough for me to fit through, I clambered out. I felt a rush of wind as I planted my feet on the branch upon which she resided. She grabbed my hand and gently led me down to the earth. As soon as my booted feet hit the ground, my knees gave way. Thankfully, the boy was there to catch me. After steadying me against the tree, he stepped back so that they could all observe me better. My head spun like a vast tornado. As soon as my world was no longer turning circles, I took a long look at the group who had saved me. The man appeared to be in his mid-forties, thick eyebrows covering his bright red irises. He stood tall with dark, medium length hair. His broad shoulders gave him the appearance of a great warrior fresh from a fight. The boy stared at me. Merriment played in his dark eyes as he combed his long fingers through his dark brown, nearly black, hair. He gave me a warm, sincere smile and said, “Hi, I'm Kyan.” “Hello.” I replied. “I'm Amethyst, and that dark shadow over there is Andalus.” She indicated the man with her left hand while simultaneously shaking mine with her right. “Well, now that introductions are over, you two can practice your healing skills. You now have the perfect subject upon which to practice. Her bruises are the perfect things to heal.” Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I was furious. Just as I was about to speak, Andalus placed his thumb on my forehead and said, “Peles.” Sleep. My consciousness slipped rapidly into darkness. † † † When I awoke, the first sensation I felt was warmth. A blanket lay on top of me and a fire flooded my face with warmth. The tension my body had been experiencing had vanished. My mind was amazingly at rest. I sat up. “So you're awake. How are you feeling?” Andalus handed me a small bowl filled with a green, bitter-looking fluid. Kyan and Amethyst crowded around with curious stares. I hesitantly lifted the bowl to my lips and tilted my head back. The liquid slid into my mouth. It tasted surprisingly sweet, though its aftertaste was nothing to speak of. “Don't worry. I put honey in it. Makes it taste a lot better. Plus, the honey is healthy. We got it from some bees last week.” Amethyst smiled, making her even more beautiful. I smiled back, warmth filled my being. Amethyst took my bowl as I noticed that my bruises were gone. In place of the purplish-gray masses that had been there was smooth, silky skin. I felt a rush of embarrassment and anger. They made me their guinea pig! My face grew hot at the thought that they had... “Tuo.” The fire flickered its last breath, then vanished. Darkness took hold as the snow fell from the sky. My eyes grew wide, and I struggled as a hand took hold of my shoulder. I recognized the voice that spoke from behind me. “There have been men following us for weeks now. I have a feeling that they've decided to attack tonight. We have to go.” Andalus stood and took my hand, pulling me to my feet. Kyan and Amethyst were ready when I found them a moment later. Amethyst explained to me that they had been doing this often, and had grown used to it. Kyan, keeping to the shadows, added that Andalus had been dragging them through the nights, only to find that he had been wrong. Andalus was never wrong. “Something must be truly evil in those men to have such a flustering effect on Dal. His 'feelings' are never wrong, except with these people.” Amethyst said, darkly. “Ammie, we have to move.” Kyan urged us along. The only thing you could hear was the crunch of our footsteps on the snow. The vapor of our breaths shown white against the dark. I felt as if this time was also a farce, until I heard the voices. At first, I believed it was the wind, until the voices grew more distinct. Then, the voices were accompanied by footsteps as silent as snowfall. Dark silhouettes filled my vision. Figures that seemed near enough to touch. It soon dawned on me that they were. I panicked and ran, realizing that the others were also flying across the terrain. Who are they and what are they after? Abruptly, Kyan flung out his arms to refrain us from running any further. Before us was a deep chasm, about 1000 meters until I could no longer make out its walls. Darkness consumed any view of what lie below. It might have been disastrous if any of us had fallen in. My head shot up at a sound coming from a short distance behind us. I knew that it was them, but what could we do? We were trapped. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Mephistopheles Respected Citizen Joined: 24 May 2007 Posts: 612 Location: Not where I want to be. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:34 pm    Post subject: good writing adalia. The only suggestion that i can come up with is that she somehow transports all of them away from the men that are attacking her. Of course, the others may be warriors of some sort, and be able to stave off the evil men, but i kinda think not, seeing as how they have been fleeing them for a while now. Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:46 pm    Post subject: Andalus cannot rely on his instincts, it seems. But what powers does he have? The two younger ones are obviously learning from him, so the group is not at an advantage here. Split up to confuse the enemy perhaps? Split up and climb trees. Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:04 pm    Post subject: Mmmm... I seem to have lost track of this one for a bit.. but I am caught up now and I must say, what an enjoyment! As for the DP, I am gonna have to agree with a splitting up into 2 groups... Dal and Ammie for one, Kyan and the main character in the other. Don't forget to cover the tracks in the snow! (Random bit of advice for the heck of it) Adalia, this SG is an interesting tale and how much you've grown and improved as a writer with it really shows between the chapters. I look forward to the next installment.... As a fantasy storygame, I'd say this is well worth some recognition. *winks* _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:10 am    Post subject: I'll go with a conspiracy theory. Kyan, Andalus, and Amethyst are secretly evil. The people that are chasing them are the real good guys. They just wanted to protect the main character from the three's evil influence. After all, she just met them, and they did use her as a guinea pig. They should catch her and save her from their evil clutches! ... Or they could just split up to confuse them. You know, that's a good suggestion, too. Hey, Adi. I just read it now. Nominated for Ify?! I'm so happy for you! Would it be fair if I seconded it? Or would it just be biased? _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:50 am    Post subject: myes Just to throw in a random suggestion, (nice chappy, btw) I'll say jump off the chasm! I mean it's dark, so who knows? There might be a ledge or something that she could save herself with. (unless she convinces everyone else to jump...) And after all, they're a bunch of magic-users, they should be able to protect themselves somehow. So yeah, jump. JUMP. (it's an imperative sentence. ) _________________ Battle on! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:20 am    Post subject: Wow! IFy! I'm speechless. Well, I'll put up the poll tomorrow. Any last minute suggestions? Going once... _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 5:25 am    Post subject: Poll is open! Vote away IFians! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 12:38 am    Post subject: Poll will be closing tomorrow. Thanks for voting, solus. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:54 am    Post subject: Poll is closed. Your votes were much appreciated. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 5:36 am    Post subject: Ack, I missed the vote, but I would have tied it if I'd voted anyway! Looking forward to the next one, Adalia! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:40 pm    Post subject: Trapped. What do they do? Transport away! [ 0 ] Split up! [ 2 ] Jump! [ 3 ] Vote for me for IFy! (Author only vote box) [ 1 ] Who Voted: Adalia, CurlyBear, Lilith, Mephistopheles, Meranos, solus.serpen _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:43 pm    Post subject: Finally finished Chapter 5. Here it is guys and gals. Chapter 5: Capture “Jump. It's our only option. The trees are too thick around to allow us an escape.” Before any of us could respond, Andalus grabbed Amethyst's and my wrists and jumped. I panicked and reached out to grasp something. My hand caught hold of Kyan before we tumbled into the darkness. I felt the air fly past. It was difficult to breathe. My air was taken by the wind rushing around and through me. Just as I felt that I would suffocate, my head hit the blistery cold water. The cold water slithered around my body as I plunged into it. I felt a horrible sting run through me. My body felt like it was being torn apart. I screamed, taking in water. A terrible darkness enshrouded me in its grasp. The water was swiftly carrying me to a place unknown. I had long ago let go of my companions. I was alone. A field of light surrounded me. Splotches of black made this world seem stranger than it would have been. A sky filled with stars appeared above me. I was now in a large tent. A blue-clad maiden sat on a pile of brightly colored pillows. An old, wrinkled woman sat staring into her eyes. “Do not fear the ones inside. They will lead the world into an age that shall never be forgotten. But the road they shall travel will not be easy. Be wary of the girl. I sense dark malice in her future.” The old one started to hum an archaic tune. She rocked back and forth gently. As she spoke, her rocking became more wild. “Huumm... Ravens flutter over new-fallen snow. Robins sit angrily in their nest. A lone tree dies as winter turns to spring. No more, no more. The raven is her sign, the darkness her servant. Do not trust him, daughter.” She screamed the last sentence,”HE DECEIVES ALL!” She collapsed to the floor. Her breathing was ragged. She was dying. The young woman shakily stood. She fled from the tent. The old maid dragged herself to the entrance of the tent and screamed, ”THEY MUST BE ALONE!” She collapsed. Her heart beat slowed. “They will never need you...” she whispered as the wind carried her soul to the place where the dead await all in an endless slumber. ††† I coughed and sputtered. My eyes flew open and saw the overcast heavens. The grass beneath the snow and myself pricked my back. Placing my hand on it, I hoisted myself from the ground. I cried out from the pain that shot up my arm. I stared at the bruises and bumps that traveled from my wrist upward. Gently, I searched for the source of the pain, wincing when I'd found it. Lifting my head, I viewed the area I now found myself in. Trees were scarce here. Wherever I looked I saw a field of white with little tufts of grass peeking out. Wind rustled through the blades in a calming song. I suddenly felt very weary. My adventures were taking there toll on me. I couldn't take much more. My feet dragged as I walked slowly to the nearest tree. It felt like forever before I reached it. I collapsed beneath its scant shade, wincing as my arm hit the ground. I laid my head in the direction of the open space, then shut my eyes and slept. I moaned as I lifted myself to my feet. I flinched for I had forgotten about my arm. “Are you all right?” I looked up and was surprised to see Amethyst standing above me. “I must be hallucinating.” I said. “No, I'm here. Is your arm hurt? You're carrying it as if it's injured.” “I'm fine.” I hissed, my arm had shot through with pain. “No. You are not.” She took my arm, ignoring my cries of protest. Like a nurse to her patient, she gently placed a sticky substance all over my arm. “I'm afraid that's all I can do. I don't understand it, but I can't seem to heal. I've tried to cure my bruised rib, but it will not work.” Mysteriously, I am not at all surprised. Why? I should feel something. Why do I not care? I do not know the answers to these questions. I'm afraid to search inside myself for the answer. In truth, I don't want to know. “Well, there's no use standing around here. Let's go.” I escaped the shade of the tree. As my footsteps glided slowly across the plain, I discovered that she was not following. Turning, I noticed the pain on her face as she took a step forward. I wished right then that I was stronger so that I could carry her. But I've no such luck. The only thing I can do is slow my pace and allow her to lean on my shoulder for support. She gave me a smile that would make any man fall to his knees in admiration. “Thank you.” One small phrase that means the world to me. I had never received a thanks more lovely than those words she spoke. I felt tears well up and had to stifle them. Thinking back on days gone by, I realized that my sister had never once thanked me for anything. Not a gift or a comforting word. My sister had hated me after all. We continued on with no words spoken between us. We didn't need them. The silence was not the ominous, lonely kind I had been experiencing lately. This silence was the kind between friends, where unspoken words mean more than ones uttered. We walked for most of the day. I feared my knees would buckle under me from the weight they carried. She wasn't as light as I had first supposed. A long walk like ours made us seem heavier than we really were. That would be exhaustion kicking in. Suddenly, I smelled smoke from a short distance away. I debated with myself on whether to approach the fire and its master or not. My exhaustion and hunger got the better of my decision and I turned us in that direction. The sensation of the food cooking on the open flames was taking its toll on me. If it hadn't have been for the weight of both Ammie and I, I would have made a mad dash for it. As it was, I could only slowly traipse forward. Because the clearing was surrounded by trees, I gently placed Ammie at the base of one and moved forward. Cautiously, I approached the fire. I could hear footsteps moving about. I couldn't really glimpse who it was that owned the blaze but I could tell by the heavy way they plodded about that it was a man. Drawing nearer, I could vaguely see what he was doing. He seemed to be removing dripping objects from his soaked pack. Muttering to himself about the inconveniences of water, he was oblivious to his surroundings. His features became more visible as I continued closer. I smiled as I noticed his dark hair. “Hi.” He jumped, startled. “You!” He ran and hugged me. I squirmed and he released me, embarrassment playing on his face. “I-I-I'm s-sorry. I mean, um, please have a seat.” He bit his lower lip like he was waiting for me to pass judgment. “Kyan, I need you to help me with Ammie. I've not much strength left to carry her any further.” Kyan followed my lead as I took him back to where I had placed her. She was asleep. He carefully lifted her into his arms and headed back to camp. Sighing, I turned. An arrow whizzed past my head, followed by a net. I heard Kyan collapse, for he, too, had been caught. Out of the gathering darkness a group of about ten men stepped forward. “You've been quite elusive. Took us a while to find you.” The leader then barked orders as they lifted the nets and bound our hand to our knees. The man tying me looked not much older than I was. His hands shook so that his binding was clumsy and loose. “Looks like you were prepared for us,” the men laughed, “We'll spend the night here.” I was lifted onto the shoulders of another man, then mindlessly dropped onto the ground. The fire was lower than it had been. A man entered the clearing with firewood enough for the night. “I need three men to guard the prisoners. Squall, Galen, and Twist, you men watch them. We'll take 3 shifts. When you feel yourselves nodding off, wake someone else to replace you.” He glared at his men, making them cast their eyes to the dirt beneath their boots. The group settled down for the night in warm blankets. Kyan, Amethyst, and I were forced to lay on the cold, packed earth. I tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position due to the ropes. The darkness would be perfect cover for an escape, but we were too closely guarded. A small snore escaped somewhere near me. I struggled to sit up and see who it was. Twist, the same who had bound me and was now charged to guard me, had fallen asleep. It would be an easy thing for me to slip out of the ropes and escape. The only problem was that I would not be able to save Kyan or Ammie. Their guards were still awake, but their backs were turned on me towards the blaze. Should I make a run for it? What about Ammie and Kyan? ----------- I'm going on vacation. I'll put up the poll when I'm back if there are enough options. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Mephistopheles Respected Citizen Joined: 24 May 2007 Posts: 612 Location: Not where I want to be. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:01 am    Post subject: what happened to the other guy that jumped? maybe he can come to the rescue? otherwise, she should save herself. _________________ Cause I am, whatever you say I am If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? I don't know, it's just the way I am. eminem without the threat of death, there is no reason to live at all marilyn manson Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 5:16 am    Post subject: Wonderful to see this still moving dear! Andulas could have been watching them the entire time or he could be badly injured somewhere.... Get out, be sneaky, knock the other two guards out with a quick rock thrown at the base of the skull, and get Ammie and Kyan out. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:15 am    Post subject: Thanks for the support. I'll need at least one more option before the poll goes up, so keep 'em comin'. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 11:00 am    Post subject: Ammie will be in no fit state to escape. I'd say go on your own. If it is possible to find out from Kyan what happened to Andulas without his guard noticing, then go for help. Whatever she does, it will have to be done quickly before the sleeping guard is noticed and replaced with a more alert one. Back to top Author Novelest_Ninjagirl Respected Citizen Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 700 Location: The inn. Probably. Come check! Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:48 am    Post subject: Great writing, I'm hooked. And I'm VERY picky about what i read. Now for the DP. Quite frankly, I can't think of anything that hasn't been thought up already. OOOH wait wait I just thought of soemthing! My guess is she controls ice right? Well, have her accidently put the fire out, and then she and the boy, hisname escapes me, jump up and grab ammie before running. ANd if their tied up, didn't catch whether or not they were, have her accidently make a dagger of ice. _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth) Back to top Author Mattheus Resident Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 51 Location: Sydney, Australia Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 4:44 am    Post subject: really enjoying the story so far. Maybe as she tries to escape, Andulas appears and attacks the men, this means that she can help the other 2 escape. Hoping that Andulas is able to escape himself. From what I have read, it sounds like he would be able to. Back to top Author Kirranna Resident Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Posts: 81 Location: California Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:57 pm    Post subject: I think that she should accidentally make the fire go out like Ningagirl said, but then as everyone's panicking Andulas comes in and helps them all escape. _________________ Myths: The Ancients' Soap-Operas ;D . Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:09 am    Post subject: Thanks for all the comments, guys. I'm having some trouble putting up the poll, so I PMed Lily. Hopefully, the poll will be up soon. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 12:35 am    Post subject: Poll is up! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:38 pm    Post subject: Poll will be closing tomorrow, so get your votes in. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:09 pm    Post subject: Poll is closed. Thank you very much for voting! Chapter 6 coming as soon as possible. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 4:02 am    Post subject: What should she do? Save herself [ 0 ] Save Ammie and Kyan by knocking out the guards [ 2 ] Wait and see if Andalus come to save them [ 0 ] Put out the fire somehow, place Ammie on Kyan, and run [ 6 ] Adalia's Vote Box [ 1 ] Who Voted: Adalia, Crunchyfrog, CurlyBear, Kirranna, Lilith, Mephistopheles, Meranos, Novelest_Ninjagirl, solus.serpen _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 4:13 am    Post subject: I sincerely apologize for how late this has taken. I certainly was not expecting it to take this long, but as it has there's nothing I can do about it now. It's still not done, but it's long enough to post. It is getting a trifle long, so I may have to post it in two parts, I may not. There's no DP in this one yet, but I was beginning to feel really guilty. So, here's a bone... Chapter 6: Nostalgia Part 1 The fire was mesmerizing. If I watched it for too long, I would probably drop off to sleep. I needed to stay awake, not just for myself, but for Amethyst and Kyan as well. The need to think was distracting enough to keep my eyes from watching that fire. Crackling sounds and the feeling of warmth was almost too much for me. I was grateful for a suddenly loud snore from Twist. If I put out the fire, it might distract them enough so that I can grab Ammie, awaken Kyan, and run. Unfortunately, I'm not too good at seeing in the dark. *Sigh* This is hopeless, but it's the best plan I've thought up. I will just have to do the best I can. I set myself onto my back, in case the guards happened to look my way. The ropes tied around my wrists and ankles were not so easy to escape from. I wriggled my hands until they slipped through the ropes. Glancing at the guards, I untied the binds around my ankles. Turning onto my side, I looked up at the trees surrounding us. It was not as thick as I had first supposed, rather quite thin. If I strained hard enough, I could see the thawing plains through a break between the trees. I had to move. Slowly crawling, I inched my way behind a tree. The problem before me now was to find a way to extinguish the fire. This task might seem rather difficult, but, lucky for me, a stream flowed a few feet away from where I stood. A bent, twisted tree sat to my right, a particular bend in its trunk caught my eye. I silently crept toward it and smiled at my good fortune. The bark at that point was hanging loose in a shape resembling a bowl. A few tugs later, and I had a piece of bark large enough to suit my need. With a sigh of relief, I crouched over and placed it in the cold, clear water. Lifting the wood brought with it a pool of ice cold liquid. Being careful not to spill it, I stood with my back to a tree. I peered at the guards as I figured out a way to put out the fire. To my surprise, they weren't there. Without a moments hesitation, I slowly walked toward it. When I had gotten as close as I could, I poured the ice cold water onto it. It winked out with a hiss. The world was pitch-black. There was no moon to shed its light for me. The silence was deafening in this darkness. Not a sound could be heard beyond my heavy breathing. I was afraid they would spring on me at any moment, so I moved. Doing my best not to make a sound, I crept to my right. I was blind to anything on the ground or around me. Suddenly, my foot bumped something. I closed my eyes and prayed for it not to be one of the troupe. My senses heightened by the lack of vision, I could feel it stir. I felt its needles brush my leg as it scurried away. Relief flooded through me like the water of a mighty river. A sting traveled up my leg like lightning. It faded to a dull ache as I kept moving. I walked blindly forward, hugging myself against the chill. My eyes had now adjusted to the lack of lighting. I could see dark shadows against a paler sky. The shadow of a circle on the ground revealed where the fire had once been. Having lost all sense of direction, I watched my misty-white breath. The quiet was eerie. The stillness was getting so that I wouldn't be able to bear it. I had to tell myself that the shadows would not pounce on me. Suddenly, one of them began to move straight for me. As I was really not the sort to be paralyzed by fear, I stood my ground. It continued forward with a steady gait. When it was within perhaps three feet of me, it stopped. I could feel it smiling in the dark as it spoke with a slightly raspy, yet recognizable voice. “That was good thinking with the fire. I wouldn't have thought of it. Though it likely wouldn't have worked if the guards hadn't left to call the next watch.” I was happy to realize that it was Kyan. He was still bound at the wrists, so I untied them as best I could. He led me to the spot where his sister lay, still unconscious. Her chest heaved in and out, a sign that at least she was still alive. I helped Kyan to place her onto his back. Unexpectedly, a noise came from just behind us. It would seem that the troupe, as I had come to call them, had finally come to take action. Why it had taken so long, I couldn't guess. I had not the time to think on it. With hurried, clumsy motions, I gently pushed Kyan in the direction opposite the sounds. We ran through the trees, out onto the small shoots of grass still visible through the snow on the ground. We ran across the plains, our footsteps thumping and crunching on the snow. I felt something cold land on my nose and looked up. The sky was darker than it had been. Snowflakes drifted onto the ground in a white rain. The sight made me catch my breath in awe for a moment. We ran and ran, until we could run no longer. Our hearts beat wildly inside us. I stood in place for a moment to catch my breath, when something crashed straight into me. It turned its eyes toward me. They glowed a faint red, reminding me of Andalus. “Andalus?” I asked, hoping. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Novelest_Ninjagirl Respected Citizen Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 700 Location: The inn. Probably. Come check! Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:34 pm    Post subject: Nice, it may nt have been the end of a chapter, but it had the suspence of such. I have to admit, I'm sure me and the other voters thought she would put the fire out via her powers, but you've improvised in a way many of ua might not have imagined. The story was so vivd, that for a moment there I forgot I was in america, int he 21st century and trust me, I don't do that alot. I hope you keep progressing on with this SG, I aboslutly adore it! _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth) Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:05 am    Post subject: Thanks! That's a really nice thing to say, Novelist. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:25 am    Post subject: She's absolutely right Adaila. Can't want for the next bit of that! _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:17 am    Post subject: It's done! I'm ecstatic. I'm sorry for how long it took. I had major writer's block, but hopefully it was worth waiting for. So, without further ado... Chapter 6: Nostalgia Part 2 “Hello.” Andalus smiled. Kyan floundered excitedly toward us. A big smile was spread on his face. He called out the name of his mentor in a voice filled with merriment. Andalus stood and graced him with a smile. He offered his hand to me, staring with those rather unsettling eyes. I took his hand and stood, brushing myself off. “How are you both? Where's Amethyst?” questioned Andalus, with his ever-present smile. “We're alright, considering what we've been through. Amethyst was hurt worse than anyone it seems.” answered Kyan. He then motioned for us to follow him and led us to the tree under which he had placed Ammie. She was pale and looked so fragile. I was almost afraid that if anyone touched her, she would break. Shatter into a million pieces like porcelain. Andalus gently probed her body to see how much damage existed. He let out a sigh of relief. He explained that she had some minor bruising and one rib was broken, but there was nothing to cause alarm. He could easily heal everything except the rib. That would have to heal on its own. While he made himself busy healing her, Kyan suggested I search for as much firewood as I could find. Wanting to make myself useful, I agreed and set off. The pickings were scarce and I soon returned with a pitifully small bundle. Kyan smiled at me and took the bundle from my arms. I drifted toward a flat circle of grass where Ammie had been lying. As I sat there, my thoughts drifted and my eyes began to droop. I forced myself to stay awake so that I could hear the conversation. “... I was just wandering around when I came upon a clearing. It looked well protected and relatively safe so I decided to camp there.” related Kyan to Andalus. He went on to explain how I had come into the clearing. Andalus stole a glance my way as Kyan continued. He detailed how we had been captured and our subsequent escape. Staring at the fire Kyan had built during his narrative, Andalus nodded. After some time he looked up at me and began his tale. ††† He believed he had drifted for some time. He felt the water swirl around him. When he opened his eyes, a face stared down at him. “Are you okay thur, stranger?” the man seemed genuinely concerned. His face was wrinkled, with a smile causing even more of them to appear around his mouth. His dark eyes smiled in their depths. “I'm alright, I think.” Andalus stood, wincing. He closed his eyes and examined himself with his magic. Except for a few bruises and a bump on the back of his head, he appeared to be alright. “Well then, ah s'pose you must be tired. Mah home's just over yonder if ya wanna join us. I'm sure the missus could make ya somethin' ta eat if yur hungry. Not much by way of feedin' strangers, but ah'm sure she'll unnerstan'.” Not waiting for an answer, he pushed Andalus in the direction he pointed to with his finger. “This 'ere's mah land. I'm an orchar' farmer. Been keepin' to the land since ah was born. Ah got mah land from mah pa. Ev'rythin's real simple 'roun' 'ere. Folk been livin' 'ere fer ages. Fact is, mah fam'ly's the oldest, though the Nealsons come mighty close. I'm dern proud o' mah fam'ly heritage. “Now, ah grow ev'ry fruit yer mahnd could thenk of. Peaches, pears, apples, ev'ry b'rry grows 'ere on mah land. Ah got grapes, plums, dates, just 'bout ev'rythin'. The one fruit ah ain't got yet is the or'nge. Some say ah ain't got the land fer it, but if ah c'n grow dates, ah c'n grow or'nges. Ah just need the seed...” They had arrived at his house in more time than could be deemed possible. The river was a brief gleam in the light morning sun. Before them stood a nice, sturdy structure made of gray stone. It looked aged, with structural grievances here and there. It didn't look quite livable, but it was still standing as a testament for those who built it. Wooden railing ran the length of the porch, sagging precariously. Low steps led to the open door. A woman stood in the opening with a dripping ladle in her fingers. “Sam Perkison! Ah can't believe you'd do somethin' lahke this ta me! Bringin' a guest ta breakf'st an' not warnin' me. Look at me, ah'm such a mess an' ah got no warnin'. What's wrong with you? Well, there's nothin' ta do 'bout it now, so come on in. Don't ferget ta wash up, ah cannot abide dirty fingers all over mah food.” At that, she beckoned with her spoon and disappeared within the shadows of the house, mumbling to herself the whole way.. Sam indicated a pump on the side of the house that they could use to wash up. After using it, they headed inside to the chattering of Mrs. Perkison. “...an' Sally wasn't sure if he was gonna propose, but then he did in front o' all them people. Of course, she was too embarrassed ta say anythin' but nod. It was amazin' they say...” She continued to speak as she set plates on the table and brought dishes steaming with food. Andalus was too hungry to listen to the gossip floating across the table. The words sounded like the buzzing a beehive makes. He was struck when he suddenly heard a familiar name. “...Eula Mae said that some stranger named Duff stayed at the inn last night. He asked if she'd seen a guy with a couple o' teenagers, said it was import'nt. He was gone the next mornin'...” Andalus' face filled with alarm at the mention of the king's messenger. He interrupted Mrs. Perkison to inquire the details of Duff's visit. Unfortunately, she knew nothing more than she had already stated. “I'm afraid I have wasted enough of your time. I really must be going. Your hospitality has been such that no words can describe.” He stood, thanked them for the meal, and headed toward the door before they could protest. With a parting nod at their dumbfounded faces, he exited into the winter sunlight. He wandered deep into the day, resting only in short intervals. The afternoon passed, the sun set, then disappeared from the sky. He continued onward, searching fervently for his charges. Wondering if he would ever find them, he heard a sound that filled him with a strange fear. ††† “I ran, blinded by a fear I had never felt before. Suddenly, I ran into our friend here.” He indicated me with his hand. He now ended his narration with a flourish and a smile. It was now beginning to lighten. The world brightened by degrees. The newly fallen snow glittered as the sun rose higher in the sky. The sight was dazzling. Kyan, Andalus, and I took a moment to take in the sight. Perhaps not a wise idea, but we had lit a fire. Maybe our luck would last. After a moment, Andalus suggested we start moving. I was feeling fresh and rejuvenated, despite the lack of sleep. Hearing his tale had been amusing enough to drive away my fatigue. Sleep had been something that had eluded me lately. Even when I was home in my bed, I had not slept fitfully. Something was always nagging my mind and would not let go. Just as the sun rose each morning, I would fall into an exhausted heap on my bed. Sleep was not my friend. By the time I broke from my reverie, the camp had been carefully put away. Not a thing was left to be done, so I merely stood and we set off. Andalus and Kyan took turns carrying Amethyst. I would have offered to help, but due to past experience I was afraid of rejection. We traveled onward, stopping at short intervals every so often. By afternoon, we had covered quite a distance. The sun was high overhead and the snow was now in minimal patches along the ground. Out of curiosity, I peeked at the expression on Kyan's face. It was filled with strain caused by the burden in his arms. It appeared as if he was trying to prove himself. Suddenly, he stopped. Before us was a town that made me anxious. It was so much like the place I had grown up in. A pain grew in my chest and the air I was breathing wouldn't come in fast enough. I was terrified. Calm down. It isn't the same place. They don't know you here. If you go on like this, you'll faint. Calm down. My breathing slowed. I took two deep breaths in and out. Looking up at the two concerned faces before me, I smiled. It was embarrassing to have such an episode in front of them. Blushing scarlet, I suggested we continue onward. We headed into the town. I stared at the houses that resembled everything I had once known. Someone walking along the street caught my eye. She seemed like some forgotten memory. She turned around and it hit me. She was my sister, drifting back into my life like some bittersweet miracle. In that moment, I wished we could go back to when things were simple, when she and I told each other every important event in our lives. But wishes don't always come true, especially this one. We couldn't go back to the people we were, things had changed and I had to move on. She looked as beautiful as she ever did. The smile on her face was so inviting. I would have approached her, but I was unsure. Did she still hate me? Should I speak to her, or act as if I hadn't noticed her? At that moment, my feelings were ambivalent. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Adalia on Sun Apr 20, 2008 4:57 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 5:34 am    Post subject: Talk to her. Things may yet be reconcilable. Sisters should be friends, and that's that. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 6:37 am    Post subject: I agree with Curly Bear.. talk to the girl, ya big chicken. And if she' s still pissed, hello four of you, one of her. Well, Ammie's.. meh.. still you have back-up. _________________ © 2007-2019 Lilith Back to top Author Crunchyfrog Honorable IFian Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:41 pm    Post subject: You're not even sure if this place is real - it is not exactly like the place you grew up in, only resembling it. Your sister is here though, so that is strange. Look for other people you recognise. You were rejected by the rest of the townsfolk too - this could be a hostile place. If this really is your old town, then you need to be careful. And make your friends aware of your situation. A pleasure to read, Adalia. Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8879 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:53 pm    Post subject: Maybe she's still dreaming. She's not woken up yet. One typo: Quote: sad bundle. A pleasant read Addy, but I think you need to expand your sentences a bit more, there are times when it's very short and 'sharp'. Merge some of them together perhaps. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author Novelest_Ninjagirl Respected Citizen Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 700 Location: The inn. Probably. Come check! Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 1:40 pm    Post subject: This rocked! I gotta admit, it was got enough that though Iplanne dto just read the first paragraph and tehn get back to packing, before I knew it I was reading the lest sentance! Now, I didn't see any typo's, so at the very least you've been sutle enough with them. Every word told a tale in itself, and I was waiting to see what would happen. Now, as for the unwritten DP: I must say, aviod talking to her. IF she still hates you, she may have told tales of your ' bad deeds' and then the entire village, whether or not it's the same village, will be against you. Most likely, you don't look the same-who would?- so you might get away with just walking. Be sure to tell your allies the possibitletes the first chance you get though. _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth) Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:44 pm    Post subject: I changed the 'typo'. Thanks, China. And thanks everyone for the comments. Poll will be up tomorrow, so don't forget to vote. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Last edited by Adalia on Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:25 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 5:26 pm    Post subject: Poll is up! Choose wisely, dear friends... or just vote, whatever. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 1:23 am    Post subject: 3 votes? C'mon, we can do better than that. Get your votes in, people. Only two more days until it closes. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:40 am    Post subject: Poll is closed! Thanks for the votes. Next chapter up soon... if all goes according to plan. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:38 pm    Post subject: What do I do about my situation? Talk to your sister, ya big chicken. [ 2 ] Look for other people you recognise [ 2 ] Tell your companions about it [ 0 ] Avoid talking to her [ 0 ] Total Votes : 5 Who Voted: Adalia, Chinaren, CurlyBear, Lilith, Scheherazade _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:44 pm    Post subject: Sorry about the length. Hopefully the quality can make up for it. Happy Reading. Chapter 7: Remorse As I stood staring at my sister, I realized that I had no idea of what direction we had been traveling. The possibility that this was my hometown assailed me again. Panic grew in my chest. It hurt to breath. My lungs were crying out for the air I couldn't seem to give them. The ground swirled in front of my eyes. I had to close them to keep from falling over in dizziness. “Are you alright?” Kyan asked me with worry in his usually merry eyes. I was sure that it was obvious on my face that I wasn't okay, but I was glad for the chance to deny it. “Yes, I'm fine.” I could tell he wasn't convinced, but was relieved when he didn't push the issue. Something had to be done before I passed out from fear. I had to separate myself from them so that I could make sure this wasn't the town where I grew up. “Umm... perhaps I'm not doing so well, after all. I think I'll have a bit of air.” I began to walk in any direction just to get away. The panic I was feeling wouldn't let go of its hold on me. “Very well. Meet up with us later; we'll be at the inn. Be careful. Those men may still be searching for us.” With Kyan's words resounding in my head, I continued my trek. I walked for what seemed like hours as the sunlight grew dimmer and the shadows from the houses grew longer. I was tired, but determined to pass through every corner and alley to make sure. My feet ached from walking, crying for me to rest. I wouldn't listen to them, their pain was relief from my worries. As the minutes passed, I realized that my cheeks were wet from tears that were pouring down my face. I could no longer feel my feet, they were as numb as the rest of me, with the exception of the flowing tears that would not stop. As my worn boots unsettled the dust of the streets, I heard the distant tintinnabulation of an archaic clock tower. Curiously drawn to the sounds, I ran towards the source, grateful for the distraction. The tower stood tall, high above this ordinary town. A smile lit my face at the sight of it. Chasing away my fears, its majestic face was something I had never seen before. Relief took the place of the numbness as I ran towards it. I reached its base within minutes, breathless, but happier than I had ever been. It was a beautiful tower, to me at least. My eyes grew wide as I took in the awesomeness of the structure. It was queer in its design, looking more like a lighthouse than a clock tower. Its shape was cylindrical like any lighthouse, including a black balcony that circled the entire tower. The cylinder ended at the balcony then became a square piece upon which was the clock's face. Made from stone that glistened in the late afternoon sunlight, it stood tall and solemn before me. I couldn't make out it's face very clearly from the point at which I stood, but I could tell that its black numbering was a series of loops and twirls that made it elegant to behold. When I had finished absorbing the details, I wandered around it until I saw a large, black door. It was open, seeming to send an invitation to enter the dark interior of the tower. Timidly accepting, I stepped through the doorway and glanced around. A little to my right was the beginning of a staircase that spiraled along the walls as a large pendulum swung gracefully from side to side. I walked toward the staircase, wary of the object swinging precariously close to it. Air whistled around me as it moved. I was thankful that the bells in the tower were no longer chiming, as they would have made the noise inside unbearable. Climbing as fast as I possibly could, I reached the top with ringing ears and a slight headache. There was a hatch directly above my head and I was desperate for some fresh air. I clumsily pulled at the lever, my hand slipping several times from exhaustion. When it finally flung open, I pulled myself up, my arms straining to yank me through the hole. I laid on my back and took a deep breath before rising and opening the door I had seen through the corner of my eye. It slid open easily, surprising me. I noticed the view as soon as my eyes turned from the door, and it took my breath away. The now setting sun was casting its light, golden rays on the town, making it glow with an elegant air. The sky was a hue of gold, pink,purple, and dark blue that blended together magnificently. I smiled and sat on the floor, crossing my ankles while they dangled over the free air. Taking deep breaths, I felt my body begin to relax. I felt a calm flow over me as I stared off into the distance, watching the sun slowly set. An hour passed as I felt myself go back into the familiar numbness I had known for most of my life. Finally, I stood and walked back the way I had come. It was easier to lift the hatch this time. The noise of the clock's mechanism and the moving pendulum was easier to bear this time around, and I was at the base of the stairs faster than it had taken me to go up. Stepping out through the black door, I walked into the cool night air. I headed toward the inn, having seen it while traversing the town earlier. After accidentally taking a wrong turn, I reached it and was surprised, and a little wary, to see her standing in front of the doorway. She looked at me and smiled. “Hey, sis. How've you been?” she asked, clasping her hands together nervously. Were we that estranged? “I'm okay, Amber, considering,” I whispered, realizing those weren't the words I really wanted to say. I didn't want to hurt her; I still loved her despite everything. The words I truly wanted to say were locked away and I couldn't seem to find the key. “Considering... I suppose you hate me, don't you? I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'd probably hate me if I were you. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I never should have hurt you that way when I knew that you were already suffering from their hatred. I added to it, acting like a sister never should. I acted like a spoiled child. “I went after you that night. As soon as I saw the look on your face as I said those words, I wished I could have taken them back. I saw the pain on your face, but I couldn't seem to say anything that wouldn't hurt you. “I could only walk as I followed after you because I wasn't sure if I could face you after what I'd done. I know my pain is nothing compared to yours, and I have no right to ask, but all I want is for us to be sisters again. Even if we can't be the same as we were, I'll take anything I can get.” There were no words to describe how I felt. It was like my relief, happiness, and joy had been placed one on top of the other in a stack higher than the sky. No metaphor for flight could compare to the emotion inside of me. “Amber, I think we'll be okay now. I never hated you. You haven't been handed the best example from anyone, including me. What I mean is, the people surrounding you didn't give you the chance to learn about anything better than hate. I was so absorbed in responding as minimal as possible to them that even I wasn't a very good example. Even though I'm younger, I've had to deal with things most people don't go through, so in a way, I am older. I had to grow up a lot faster than you. It's okay, though. It was the way I was meant to live, something I've accepted. “We'll be okay.” I glanced at the sky, which was being further darkened by the appearance of menacing clouds. “Now let's get inside before we get wet from the snow.” I placed an arm around her shoulder and ushered her into the building as the snow began to fall. We settled ourselves near a window and watched as the wind outside grew in intensity and the snowflakes whirled and the glass rattled. I realized that I was shivering and decided that I couldn't put it off any longer. The others had to know about why I was in that trap the first day we met. With a knot in my stomach, I rose and told my sister that I had some people to introduce her to. I approached the front desk and tentatively asked the clerk what room Kyan and Andalus were staying in. After receiving the answer, I headed up the wooden stairs with Amber following closely behind. I found the room without much difficulty, their room system was quite efficient. When I entered, I was greeted with a wonderful surprise. Amethyst was sitting up in the bed closest to the door. A smile was on her face as I entered, and I couldn't help but smile in return. It was indeed a pleasant surprise. “Ammie, you're awake!” “Yeah...” she winced,”but still not that great.” I felt Amber begin to quietly retreat, and impulsively grabbed her hand. “Umm... I-I have a surprise as well,” I moved further into the room to expose Amber to the group,”Ammie, Kyan, Andalus, meet Amber, my sister.” Their reactions surprised me. I had expected a long bout of questioning, instead all of them were silent with odd expressions on their faces. Kyan was blushing beet red, Ammie's face was full of shock with her mouth forming a big O, and Andalus had a knowing smile as if he already understood everything, though I suspected he was merely masking his surprise. After a moment's silence, they recovered from their lapse of good manners. Kyan and Ammie couldn't seem to introduce themselves fast enough. It was a comical moment, and filled me with joy and gladness to be standing where I was at that precise moment. “It's wonderful to meet you, Amber. Do you have somewhere to spend the night? If not, I'm sure these girls can find some room for you here.” Andalus smiled, looking at her as if he knew some secret. “Now, it's late and I'm sure we're all very tired, so we men will leave you ladies alone.” With that Kyan and Andalus exited the room. After settling ourselves in, we “ladies” followed suit. I drifted to sleep, happier than I had ever been. † † † That morning, we met the men in the lobby of the inn for breakfast. After eating, we adjourned to the girls' room to feed Ammie. As she ate, Andalus told us that our supplies were getting low and that we would need to go out and buy some from the local shops. Unfortunately, Ammie wasn't well enough to be left alone. So, he proposed that some of us stay behind to attend to her, while the others bought the supplies. It sounded reasonable, so we agreed. All we had to decide was who would stay, and who would go. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 6:07 am    Post subject: Well, the sisters aren't going to want to be seperated after being estranged for so long.. so how about they split up with both sisters staying with Ammie and Kyan going with Andalus? It was nice, fluffy chapter, Addy, ... but I can't help for some reason think that it was waaaaaayyyy too easy... *suspicious* But I am going to keep my mouth shut and watch.. just so I don't ruin any surprises you may have in store Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 3:43 pm    Post subject: Shopping trip or shocking journey??? New chapter... hmm... nice. OK, soooooooooooo... probably, Amber and Kyan should maybe stay while Andy (mehehehehe) should go with the main character to the stores!!! _________________ Battle on! Last edited by Meranos on Wed May 14, 2008 8:05 pm; edited 1 time in total Back to top Author Chinaren Hallowed IFian Joined: 05 Sep 2005 Posts: 8879 Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 4:30 pm    Post subject: Hey Adalia. Please don't post more than two comments in a row if possible. You've posted five (plus the chapter) in a row above. You can edit your last post for this sort of thing. Thanks. _________________ Neil Hartley Books. My Amazon page. Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 6:21 pm    Post subject: I can see why their supplies would be getting low. I mean, they started out with three people and now there is an extra two. Well, I will say that Amber going with Andalus just doesn't make any sense and I agree that the main character wouldn't likely want to leave her sister. Therefore, I must agree with Lily: girls day in, guys day out. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Novelest_Ninjagirl Respected Citizen Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 700 Location: The inn. Probably. Come check! Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 5:18 am    Post subject: Great! Bit mushy for my taste but*shrugs* that's my opinion, and I write chapters like this sometimes too. Anyway, I think that Amber, who's been here at least a little longer, might know the stores better, so she and the main charrie should go out, and leave kyan with Ammie. Those two are friends anyway. Keep the great work up! _________________ My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth) Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:46 pm    Post subject: Sorry, China. I'll try to remember that. Anyways, thanks for the feedback, ladies and gent. I think it's about time for a poll. So, if you'll give me a second... EDIT: Poll is up. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Lilith Honored Citizen Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1597 Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 6:34 pm    Post subject: Jeeze that's a lot of mixed up options *eyes cross* hehe! VOTED! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 6:01 pm    Post subject: Poll is closed. Chapter 8 coming soon! EDIT: Who goes, and who stays? Sisters stay with Ammie; Kyan and Andalus get the supplies [ 3 ] Amber and Kyan stay with Ammie; Andalus and the main character get the supplies [ 1 ] Kyan and Andalus stay with Ammie; sisters get the supplies [ 1 ] Total Votes : 5 Who Voted: CurlyBear, Lilith, Meranos, Novelest_Ninjagirl, Scheherazade _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 6:27 am    Post subject: Chapter 8: Bonding “It's settled, then. Have fun, ladies. Come Kyan, your education has been lying in neglect. It's time you learned some survival skills.” Kyan groaned at Andalus' words. “Lucky me.” Andalus stood up from the simple wooden chair he had been on, and pulled Kyan through the door. Now that we were alone, Ammie settled back against her pillow, relaxed, and was soon fast asleep. Amber and I moved further away from her sleeping form so that she wouldn't awaken to our conversation. We each wanted to know what the other had been up to, so I let her start because I wasn't too eager to tell my story. “Where to begin...? When you left, I felt nausea at how cruel I had been to you. I was afraid that you would never forgive me for the cutting words I said, so I stood there and watched you walk away. When you were no longer in sight, I panicked and ran in the direction you had gone. I had never been without you before, at least, not in a place I didn't know. My movement turned to walking because I didn't really want to catch up to you; I wasn't sure what I'd end up saying if I did. I was soon lost...” † † † She was lost, just as I had been then. Not knowing which direction to go, she chose a direction and walked. Her feet grew tired as the sky became orange with the setting sun. She sat against a tree, and leaned her head on it in thought. Time slipped by her consciousness; she was unaware of the gathering darkness, of the menacing shadows of night. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't really seeing anything; she was consumed by the remorseful thoughts in her mind. Suddenly disturbed by the sound of pounding hooves, she jumped to her feet in alarm. A band of about ten men halted, the leader dismounting from his midnight stallion. He approached, stopping within five feet of her. “Well, look what we have here; a little girl all alone in the dark. What will we do with her, men?” “Nothing. You're not going to touch a hair on her head,” said an authoritative voice from the cover of the trees, “These are my woods, and any traveler who stumbles into it is under my protection. You already know this, so why are you patronizing this one under my protection?” A large group of people dropped from the trees in a wide circle that surrounded the bandits. The man who had spoken, the leader, was standing his full height of nearly six foot three. His snowy white hair fell in an unruly manner, curving around the shape of his face up to chin; his broad shoulders complemented his build adequately, and red irises peeked out from under his long bangs. “I was intending no harm to her, Zede. You can return to whatever tree you're descended from.” “Be careful with your insults, Mallis, or you may not have a tongue for them next time. Leave the girl alone, and no harm will come to you; you can all depart unscathed, or dead. Make your choice.” He glared sternly at Mallis, his face a smooth mask betraying no uncertainty or anger. Mallis nodded curtly, mounted his horse, and galloped into the trees, his men following close behind. With the sound of the threat now fading, Amber took her chance to breath, and turned to thank Zede for his help. He nodded to her, still betraying no emotion. He sighed, snapped his fingers, then wandered into the shadows of the trees as his troop trailed his disappearing figure. One member, a dark skinned female, placed her hand briefly on Amber's shoulder before blindfolding her, and taking her to their nest. Amber had no idea which directions they followed; she didn't know how long it took for them to reach it, all she was aware of was when they stopped. The female removed the blindfold and disappeared without a word. Zede approached and motioned for her to follow. After a moment's hesitation, she obeyed, not really terrified of anything they might do to her, but rather the idea of being in a new environment. He ushered her onto a rope ladder, through three interconnected trees, and up some small wooden steps that were invisible from the ground. Urging her into the opening before them, he explained the reason for the room. His band frequently saved travelers from the likes of Mallis, and those people frequently needed a place to stay for a night. Kistra, the woman who had taken her to their nest, had devised a 'guest room' for just such people. Amber had been given the honors to stay. As it was mealtime, Zede extended an invitation for her to eat with them before retiring to the room. She gladly accepted, silently sighing in relief at the thought of not going to bed hungry. He smiled as if he could guess her thoughts, leading her out the room and further up the steps. They balanced their way along a thick branch onto the next tree and into it through a small opening barely big enough for them to fit. They descended a staircase that spiraled along the walls, before reaching a large hall lined with tables. People were wandering through the room, conversation buzzing within the crowd. Zede aided her in finding a seat before seating himself across from her. After everyone had been seated, the conversations grew muffled as full mouths burst out laughing or spoke. Amber eyed the steaming venison, creamy vegetables, and fresh rolls on her plate. Her eyes grew wide at the flavors in her mouth after the first bite. “So, what were you doing out there, may I ask?” inquired Zede with a smile. “I was searching for my sister. Perhaps you've seen her, she has jet black hair, gray eyes, and pale skin. I'm sure she was visibly upset.” Amber replied between bites. “I'm sorry, I haven't. But... give me a moment, will you?” With that, he rose and walked over to another table. He shifted from table to table before returning a moment later with a pleasant expression on his face. “I have good news, a scout saw someone matching your description, and three others camping under a tree tonight. They're most likely headed to the village a day's journey from the edge of the woods. I've arranged for you to be escorted as far as the boundary of our forest; I'm afraid that's all I can do for you.” Amber nodded, grateful for at least that much. The meal passed quickly, and she soon found herself in bed. It was simply made, with nothing in the room too lavish to match it. Clearly, it was meant for only an overnight stay. † † † “In the morning, they did as they promised, blindfolding me the entire way, and I reached this place by nightfall. I secured a room here at the inn despite my lack of funds. It was wonderful meeting you when I did because, though the innkeeper has a soft heart, he can only do so much. If we didn't meet when we did, I would have been shivering outside.” Amber grew quiet, thoughtful. I glanced in Ammie's direction, wondering if she needed anything. She was awake, sitting with her feet on the floor, with deep concern etched on her perfect features. She was staring at the window, or rather the dim light filtering in from it. “Have Kyan and Andalus come back yet?” “No...” The look on her face was making me anxious. “Something's wrong; they should be back by now.” I was stunned at her words because she was right. They were taking much too long. _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author CurlyBear Tourist Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 26 Location: On one of a group of islands of the coast of Asia. Guess which one. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 11:10 pm    Post subject: I have a feeling this was not a very important DP. Well, I would have to say, go look for them in case they are in trouble. I'm really sorry about not posting until now. I will try to post sooner next time. _________________ I was hated my entire life, and things only got worse when my sister told me she hated me, too. I walked away, and was rescued by three travelers. That night, we were hunted and separated, but we found each other in the end. I met my sister again in a town quite similar to our own. She apologized with such regret that I found the heart to forgive her. We're now together, but things will never be the same. Read Strength Within, by Adalia. Back to top Author Meranos Citizen Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 130 Location: Deep in Thought Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:20 pm    Post subject: NECROPOLIS IS OUT! I'd say Stay there, maybe practice your fight skills in case you need them, maybe clue amber in while your at it... on YOUR tale. since they last met. Nice chappy anyway. _________________ Battle on! Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:15 pm    Post subject: Thanks guys. That's two options. Anyone else? _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Crossfire Citizen Joined: 07 Apr 2007 Posts: 479 Location: Somewhere between here and not-here, now and not-now... in the half-light, the borderlands, between. Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:11 pm    Post subject: ... Meranos wrote: I'd say Stay there, maybe practice your fight skills in case you need them, maybe clue amber in while your at it... on YOUR tale. since they last met. Nice chappy anyway. I think you mean "you're". Also "Amber". Additionally, the period after "tale" should be a comma. _________________ Thrash, dash and crash alike. Silent eyes decide the wise and unwise - for one that lies. Let it arise. Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:01 am    Post subject: I decided to go ahead and poll. So... VOTE NOW! _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:03 am    Post subject: With such an obvious poll, I decided to close it. Chapter 9 up soon! Poll results: Andalus and Kyan are taking too long. What should the girls do? Go look for them [ 4 ] Stay there [ 0 ] Adi's Point (Do Not Disturb) [ 1 ] Total Votes : 5 Who Voted: Adalia, CurlyBear, Lilith, Meranos, Tipico _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien Back to top Author Adalia Citizen Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 196 Items Legends Fables Strata-gems Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:26 am    Post subject: Sorry it took so long. RL is going to keep me quite busy, so I have to put this on hiatus for a while. If my schedule improves, then I'll be back with a smash! Enjoy! Chapter 9: Direction I turned to Amber. She nodded, faced Amethyst and said,” Let's search for them; the market isn't that far.” Ammie stood in response, gracefulness in every motion she made. Amber and I rose from our seats, swiftly walking to the door. As Amber opened the door, I offered my arm to support Ammie. She politely refused, stepping through the door. She was healing much faster than a normal human being. I supposed that her magic was aiding in the process, but still it should take awhile for her to recover fully. There had been many cases of broken bones in our town, a shadow such as myself would notice such details. We trumped down the wooden stairs, as calm as we could be. Exiting the inn, Amber led us in the direction of the market. We blended with the crowds on the cobblestone streets, darting our eyes to the left and right, searching for them. Suddenly, I saw them beckoning to us from the shadow of a nearby building. Moving my head to face the other two, I realized that they had noticed as well. We cautiously walked in their direction. They pulled us into the shadows and spoke in whispers. “Those men that captured us in the clearing are here. We were buying some fruit for the journey when I noticed a man staring at us. At first I merely passed him off as a curious buyer, but when I sneaked another glance, I realized that his dress resembled that of the men who had stood watch over us. I alerted Dal to the situation and we hurriedly ended our transaction, then lost ourselves in the crowd. I gazed back, but he was gone.” “We are in need of a quick departure. You four return to the rooms and pack our belongings, be sure not to be seen. I will meet you at the edge of town.” Andalus turned and disappeared around the corner, leaving us as mystified by him as ever we were. Shrugging our shoulders, we turned and made our way to the inn. We hurried up the steps without speaking to anyone. As we ladies began packing, Kyan mumbled something about paying for the rooms, before exiting through the door. Within an hour, Amber, Amethyst, and I had finished our work, with a small pile of bundles lying in the middle of the room. When Kyan returned, we distributed the bundles and left the room. The lowest floor of the inn was chilly, but nothing unbearable. Outside, however, was an entirely different story. The ground was covered by a white blanket as far as my eyes could see, and my breath came out in white clouds. I glanced toward the sky, watching a raven fly by. Is it looking at me? I continued following the others, a shiver running down my spine. As we walked, we searched for any peering eyes. There were few people in the streets, some on last minute errands, others simply enjoying the snow before losing all sunlight. No one glanced our way, being too busy with their own thoughts. Despite the potential danger we faced, a calm settled over me like the snow that blankets the ground at night. The distant laughter of children, the snow crunching beneath my feet, all creating a peace that might not last. Finally, we reached our destination and passed through the arch that had previously welcomed us. Andalus was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed and eyes closed. Kyan and Ammie nodded to each other, walking off in different directions in an attempt to surround him. As they approached, making even less noise than a mouse would, he opened his eyes and said, “You fail.” They burst into laughter, making me grin at their fun. When a smile was all that was left of it, we continued our journey, our faces reflecting the dim light of twilight. As we walked, Amber came up beside me and asked, “I don't want to pry, but... have you told them about your name?” “No. In truth, I've been avoiding it, but I suppose I ought to tell them... everything.” I sighed, “I'll do it tonight, after we set up camp.” † † † The sun had set long before we found a suitable site to settle. It took just as long as usual to set up, about as long as it takes for one to get dressed. With a fire in the midst of us and a meal on our laps, conversation flowed like water. Although we might have appeared to be enjoying ourselves, truly the air was thick with tension. Every nightly noise was a warning of the danger surrounding us. “So Amber, you are sisters, correct?” Andalus clarified. “Yes, we are. In fact, she has something to say.” Amber turned to me and smiled in encouragement. With my head bowed, I told them everything. Every detail of the life I had known, every hated word and every false one. I described the hatred the town had borne against me, and the circumstances that led me to them. Lastly, I told them about my name. “I don't have a name. Ever since my birth, I've been referred to as that girl or her. I even requested that Amber merely call me sister. I apologize for withholding my tale, but I was unsure whether I could trust you or not. I believe I can.” I smiled shyly at the ground, relieved at the weight lifting from my shoulders. “On behalf of my charges and myself, thank you. I'm glad you saw fit to trust us with your past. As this seems to be a time for narratives, I shall tell you all one. “As I told you before, if you remember, the king's messenger has been searching for us for some time now. Therefore, we are headed to the his majesty's palace. There are several courses to take, each with there own dangers. “North would be the most direct way, but also the most exposed. The eastern path would provide more cover. It is the most traveled, and it would provide some measure of protection, but the going would be slow. The mountains westward are rugged, with steep slopes, but they would provide the best chance of slowing our pursuers. With this mysterious group of men on our tails, we need to choose wisely.“ _________________ All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. - J.R.R. 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