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Andolyn
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 Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:58 pm Post subject: Line of Kavanagh |
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Blindly she ran through the forest; the smell of burning wood stung her nose, and the knowledge of why that wood was burning stung her heart. She ran from yet another safe house: the home of yet another family—yet another—burned to the ground in order to protect her. Oh, she knew the people were more than willing to sacrifice their lives, much less their houses to keep her safe, but she couldn’t help the twinge of pain, the remorse for being the cause of their suffering. All that eased her thoughts was the knowledge that her companions were able to escape unharmed.
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Until about three years before, the young woman had lived happily as Andolyn Grace McNeil. For their beauty and their availability, she and her best friend Roselyn had been chosen to be wed to the sons of the tyrannical rulers of the kingdom. Everything was going according to plan. The girls, now made Princesses, had been training to take over the throne. You see, in this particular monarchy, it was in fact the Queen who did the ruling with the King by her side.
Since the royal family had no daughters, their sons had to wed in order for the monarchy to survive. Now that perspective brides had come on to the scene, the king and queen had stepped back to allow their sons to do the ruling. Of course, given the laws, this practice was unorthodox, but who would argue with the monarchy?
During the first year of their training, the girls had been happy, and the people had come to love them as the rulers they were destined to one day become. Andolyn even spent many days visiting the villages in order to better serve her people, and it was for this reason that they didn’t hesitate to hide her from the prince in all his fury…
Andolyn could hear the horses’ hoofs as they pounded the hard ground just behind her. She ran with all the strength she could muster, but Radan’s soldiers were quickly gaining on her. While briers tore at her face and clothes, Andolyn made for a meadow she knew lay directly in before her on the winding path. Andolyn swung the graceful bow from her back and began to fit an arrow to the string as she ran; if she couldn’t hide, Andolyn would fight.
When the trees broke, to her surprise, Andolyn saw that she had run across a tiny encampment. In the small amount of time she had to look around, she noticed two short tents near a fire that had gone out in the chilly August night. Between two trees hung a makeshift clothes line draped with shirts, pants, and a few other odds-and-ends things.
Just then, the riders broke through the trees shouting madly, already celebrating a victory they had yet to achieve. Andolyn stood fast, aiming her bow threateningly at the leader. The tall man dismounted, drawing his sword.
“We have strict orders to bring you back alive,” he said in a gruff voice. The chuckle from the men following him made Andolyn nervous—all but one. A young man in the back of the group appeared reluctant to approach her. The leader continued softly—evilly, “but Prince Radan didn’t say anything else about the condition you were to be returned in…”
As the men advanced toward Andolyn, she pointed her bow uncertainly from one man to the next. Though she was an excellent marksman, Andolyn had never used her abilities to take a human life.
Suddenly, one of the men fell. What looked like a metal playing card stuck halfway out of the man’s upturned chest. Astonished, Andolyn turned at the same time that the Captain let out a cry of rage.
Gliding slowly into the clearing was a young man. Boots that came to his knees seemed to barely touch the ground, and his long, dark brown coat skimmed across the blades as he almost bounced through the tall grass. The morning sunlight danced around the crown of the young man’s golden hair, and a flicker of a mischievous smile graced his impish face. The bright blue-green of his eyes swam in a warm pool that Andolyn found very inviting. From one gloved hand to the other, he playfully tossed more of the deadly playing cards.
“You’ll die for that!!” the Captain screamed as he mounted his horse and charged at the man. He, too, soon fell from the saddle, slain by an Ace of Spades.
“You should know, Gent’s, that it is very impolite to suggest inflicting such harm on a lady.” the voice was as velvety smooth as the young man’s movements. Andolyn was struck with a sudden paralysis at the newcomer, and one of the soldiers decided to take advantage of the chance he had, but even as he charged, faster than any of them could see, a Seven of Diamonds was placed with perfect accuracy at the base of the man’s neck. Her attacker crashed to the ground before Andolyn’s feet, but his sword caught the back of her hand before falling to the soldier’s side. The young man, now standing a few feet from the runaway Princess, cracked his neck as he flipped the cards over in his skilled hands.
“Why don’t the rest of you run along now?” the man mocked coldly. This last attack on the woman had made him angry. His smooth voice had now turned hard as ice, and the look that reflected from the young man’s eyes made Andolyn shudder. She knew now that her savior’s initial appearance belied what was underneath; this man was dangerous.
Struck with the fear that emanated from him, the remaining soldiers scattered, and the man bounced forward at the same pace he had held before the small battle had begun. One by one, he pulled the cards from their victims and cleaned each one carefully. Andolyn watched him, still frozen to where she stood. She wasn’t sure whether the man was talking to her or to himself as he cleaned the first card he had thrown.
“Two of Hearts…never lets me down.” he murmured softly, sliding the card affectionately back into his deck then, looking up at the Princess he sang, “Anthony Jenkins at your service—but you may call me Spade,” after holding up his Ace of Spades as evidence, Andolyn’s savior finished with a low bow. Andolyn hadn’t yet decided whether she should return his greeting or run for her life.
Should Andolyn stay to find out more, trusting the dangerous man? Or should she run while she has a chance?
Last edited by Andolyn on Sat Jul 07, 2012 12:07 pm; edited 36 times in total
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 2:42 am Post subject: I Think...... |
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Interesting. I'm liking this thus far. The writing style is refined, and your wording gives a goood sense of direction. Much love.
At this point, I'd be cautious. Draw the bow on this new comer. Demand an explenation as to why he's helping her. With his nature, this seems a reasonable coarse of action. The sudden change for boisterous to frosty would spook her I think. And at the moment, she needs to be warie of everyone.
Excelent first chapter, I can't wait to see more from you!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 7:20 am Post subject: |
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I agree with Pope. Very nice delivery, especially from an author we've never met! Welcome to IF, Andolyn!
Well, no powerful warrior of any kind is likely to fail to be a bit intimidating at times, even to those they protect. Especially when you don't know who they are. But in this case, he's rescued us... and he's intriguing. So most certainly we should be compelled to accompany him. (Looks like we need some security these days anyhow!)
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:14 am Post subject: |
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A good start, Andolyn, and welcome to IF! 
Well - I'm going to go for a different suggestion, and that is to run. He's not going to slay her if he's taken the trouble to protect her. But his reaction to her running is more likely to reveal what his intentions really are.
He may chase her - he may let her go... if it is the latter, I'm sure we've not seen the last of him.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:16 am Post subject: |
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| Thank you for the encouragement, guys. This story is something I've been working on for almost 2 years now. Once I get it refined and to where I want it, I'm hoping to eventually have it published. I love getting the feedback. It helps me a lot. I already have the story completed, but I'm excited to see where you all take it with your decisions. Not only is it a lot of fun, it's already giving me new ideas for little things to add in or tweak. Thank you all.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:39 am Post subject: |
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Like the Ace of Spades to Andolyn, your story has made an impressive introduction to IF. I find it interesting that the Queens are decidedly the rulers in your story, and not just in cases where the Kings are absent. It's also different that although the Queen has essentially not produced an heir (no daughters), it doesn't appear to be a problem. It's another nice twist.
Clearly Andolyn is taken with the Ace of Spades or she wouldn't have lowered her bow and gazed at all of his charming attributes in the middle of a fight. She may have an impulse to become extremely defensive now, but I don't think it will take much reassurance from Ace if he's a genuine gentleman.
Call me naive, if you like, but I trust him. He's shown no aggression towards Andolyn and he has in fact saved her. He bowed respectfully and trustingly, even though we have an arrow nocked and ready. The least we can do is return the guesture and offer thanks. Then we take our leave. If he wants to help you, I say let him, but let's not ask for his help. That would be too obvious.
As a critique, let me just say you should remove this line entirely:
| Quote: | | She knew now that her savior’s initial appearance belied what was underneath; this man was dangerous. |
First of all, it isn't needed. You've already explained Ace's appearance and mannerisms very clearly and we already saw him kill a soldier instantly with a single throw of a card, twice! Plus it seems strange that a little change in the tone of his voice was more impressive to her. The above line makes the princess seem totally wrapped up in this roguish new character and completely indifferent to the two dead bodies at her feet.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Hello And, nice to see a good looking start.
One thing I didn't really like, and of course it's only my personal opinion, was the background information (about how they were married off etc). I prefer to find this sort of thing out from conversations and actions as the story unfolds. I think it helps with the reader suspense if the reader doesn't know why this woman is being chased. I mean, she's obviously important, and later on in this chapter we see the ruling class is after her (which tells us something by itself), but there's no rush to spill the beans so quickly IMO.
I'd have also liked to see a bit more of a fight between the guards and this fellow. The scene here kind of smacks of Uberism, which makes me shudder. 
Anyway, I'd say she hangs around and finds out more. If he wanted her dead, she'd be dead, and running isn't likely to be any more successful.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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Actually a really nice start! Im liking this.Good writing here. Solid delivery and I found it quite captivating.
As for the DP, Im fully with Lebby here. Looks like we might need the help, but we wouldn't want to ask him. Lets just wait and see if has help to offer. That should be enough.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 12:40 pm Post subject: |
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Beginnings are very important to set the framework for the rest of the story. In your initial chapter you have experimented with a world of frightful fairytales which almost immediately introduces an unfamiliar, superhuman character. I am not sure what to make of it yet, as the tone has not been fully established, so I will wait to see.
In the meanwhile, I'd say ask him for money, and then continue your escape. I'm not sure if the princess has a plan or not, but if she's carrying a bow and arrows, it means she is prepared for certain contingencies, so she must have at least some idea of where she is headed. Perhaps Spade has no intention of letting her go, but nonetheless she should try to follow the planned escape.
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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This is one of my favorite kinds of stories  Really awesome start, though I would of liked if you would've fleshed it out a bit more. The terror of the soilder's threat or her heart beating really fast-something like that. You know, lots of adjectives.
I say we play sweet, dumb, and harmless. We do have a bow but this Spade doesn't know we can use it. Him thinking we're helpless will put a small element of suprise on our side. Flutter those pretty eyelashes and make up a good 'poor me" story on the spot.
Welcome to the City Andolyn 
Hey i have a friend who's last name is Kavanagh!!!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:36 am Post subject: |
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| NOW POLLING EVERYONE!!!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Looks like there's a strong winner emerging on this vote!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 3:37 am Post subject: Voteing |
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*Sigh* I keep losing these votes...no one listens anymore *Sniffle* *Sob* *Looks up* Kidding! *Grin* This was an obvious lead on here. From the chatracter's mind set and BG, it was the most logical concusion.....Let's seed das chappy den! I can't wait!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 5:25 pm Post subject: LoK Chapter 1 Part 2 |
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Standing erect once more, Spade glanced over the slightly trembling girl with concern before speaking again.
“Are you alright?” he took a step toward her. Spade’s voice was once again silky smooth, and the blue-green eyes melted to their original warm depth. Lowering her bow and taking a step back, Andolyn put her wounded hand behind her back and answered with a swift nod. Spade took careful note of the blood on the front of the girl's pants, but before he could speak, another voice came from inside one of the tents. This one was heavier—thick with sleep, not at all like the liquid smooth of Spade’s.
“Must you be so danged noisy all the time, Spade??” Spade dismissed the comment with a nonchalant wave of his graceful hand. The flap of the tent was thrown outward as another young man struggled to exit the small space. He stood and stretched, still not noticing the young woman blushing madly.
“You’ll attract quite a bit of attention running around in naught but your skivvies, Mate…” Andolyn’s new friend remarked as he rummaged through the jackets of the men he had recently slain.
“What do you care?” came the still sleep filled reply.
“I don’t…but our guest might…”
The young man, now intrigued, stopped stretching, and looked in his friend’s direction. Upon seeing Andolyn, who was now finding the ground to be something of great interest, Spade’s friend hurriedly grabbed his pants from the clothesline and jogged over to where the woman was standing.
This man’s hair was so dark it almost appeared to Andolyn to be black. He was considerably taller than his fair-haired friend and well built. Beneath the white sleeveless shirt he wore, one could easily see the muscles that years of hard work had built. Unlike Spade’s devilish charm, this young man’s face held a soft comfort. The two were a drastic contrast, but somehow seemed to complement each other perfectly. He hadn’t shaved in what looked like a few days, and he still held his pants loosely in his left hand, but Andolyn couldn’t help but smile at the warm expression he gave her.
Without looking up from his scavenging, Spade gestured with his hand in the direction of the approaching man.
“This is my comrade, Barden, and this is…” it was at this point that Spade stood, struck by the sudden thought, and joined the two as they stood awkwardly next to one another; Barden stood almost a head taller than the Princess. “What did you say your name was again?” he looked at Andolyn questioningly.
“Um…” she stammered, frantically searching her mind for some name, any name but her own to offer them. “Some people call me Moya…” she finally said. It was a childhood nickname from a game she and the children of her village used to play. For some, the nickname stuck, but the young man hadn’t missed a thing.
“Alright,” Spade raised an eyebrow and turned back to his chore. “Then we, too, will call you Moya,” he looked at her over his shoulder with his piercing turquoise eyes, “until you’re ready to tell us your real name…”
Andolyn smiled softly. Barden put a strong arm around her thin shoulders and turned, steering her toward the little camp. “You must be hungry,” he stated, “I know I am!”
“Barden, you’re always hungry.” Andolyn heard Spade sigh from behind them.
“…Says the one who’s usually asking ME when the food’ll be ready…” Barden shot back low enough that only Andolyn could hear. She giggled quietly in return.
It seemed that Andolyn had found some guardians, and for now, for the first time in a long time, she felt safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andolyn watched Barden as he knelt down to reignite the fire. Spade, who was ambling up with one of the deceased men’s horses, called enthusiastically to his friend.
“I dropped lunch behind the tent when I noticed our little lady here was in trouble.”
Barden, having gotten the fire to an inviting blaze, walked past Andolyn to get the rabbits Spade had caught while he slept. It was on his way back past her that the red stains on the small bit of cloth she held grabbed his attention.
“What is that??” he looked at her nervously with his clear blue eyes. Kneeling down once again, Barden carefully took Andolyn’s wounded hand between his large calloused ones; Andolyn could see from the distinct patterns that Barden played guitar—she loved guitar… The girl winced when Barden peeled the last piece of the tattered cloth away from her exposed flesh.
“Oh! I’m sorry…oh…” Barden studied Andolyn’s face with concern. “What happened?”
“Those goons happened.” Spade puffed as he came to survey the damage after tying the new horse beside the two that already belonged to them. “One of them was faster than I anticipated…”
“Not by much!” Andolyn protested quietly, “It could have been worse…” She ventured to look up at her savior only to see that he was smiling at her. A deeply hidden look of regret lingered in his eyes as they rested briefly on the deep gash in her hand, but it was gone in an instant when he felt Andolyn’s innocent gaze.
“She’s right, you know,” Barden rummaged in his tent for something with which to clean the wound. “It could have been much worse…she could have lost her hand…or her arm…or they could have—” he was cut off when he reemerged and was hit with Andolyn’s fear filled expression. “…they could have…turned and left like gentlemen would have…” The young man sat awkwardly and looked at Andolyn. He sighed with an apologetic look about him. “I’m glad you’re alright.”
When Barden had finished cleaning and dressing Andolyn’s hand, he went back to the chore of cooking their lunch. Andolyn took it upon herself to “clean” the cuts on her face; she wiped the blood away with the side of her good hand.
Spade appeared next to Andolyn after spending a few moments in his tent. The two of them sat silently, waiting for Barden to finish. Andolyn wondered if her lack of conversation was rude, but neither man pushed her to speak, and she didn’t quite feel comfortable enough to divulge any information about herself or her situation just yet, so she held the silence like a child holds a favorite toy.
The only sound that persisted as the trio ate their meal was the chirping of birds. Occasionally one of the two young men would offer a small tidbit of information, but nothing of consequence. Both Spade and Barden could sense the girl’s discomfort and neither wanted to increase it. Finally when the meal had finished, Spade laid his hand lightly across Andolyn’s shoulders.
“What else do you need?” he asked, though he already knew the answer.
“Nothing…” came the barely audible reply, but the dark circles that now shadowed Andolyn’s steadily dulling eyes betrayed her. The noonday sun beat down on them from above, but for Andolyn it might as well have been midnight. Spade stood, dragging the quickly fading, incognito Princess with him and led her to his tent.
“I’ve cleared it out for you,” Spade helped her get settled before silently withdrawing to join Barden by the fire pit. Andolyn lay awake for a few moments listening to the birds before drifting into an uneasy sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten minutes had yet to pass before Andolyn was shaken out of her sleep and brought to a sitting position by the quietest of noises outside the tent. Several sounds came from outside—the young men were busying themselves with cleaning and sharpening their weapons, but there was one sound in particular that caught the girl’s attention.
It was a quiet jingling that came from behind the little camp. She had heard it many times before—and it had always signified death for whoever was protecting her.
It’s been months since he last found me, Andolyn thought frantically, why now? Why them??
Willand, the prince’s ruthless assassin, had been chasing the princess from the time she had left the castle. Hearing the clashes of the battle only half an hour before, Willand had made his way around to the back of the camp to wait for the deadly Spade to put down his guard. The possessions of past victims Willand had taken as trophies accounted for the soft jingling noise as they hung at his waist. Any time he had found Andolyn in the past the people had sacrificed themselves to hide her, so she had always managed to escape his clutches—by running.
Andolyn could remember the first time she came in contact with the depraved man. She had just arrived at the castle and was exploring the many vast hallways. At the time, Willand had been a squire to one of the prince’s knights, but the young man had shown a particular talent in the arts of death in conjunction with a pronounced bloodlust for the rebellion. To him, taking these lives was a sacred duty.
The princess had always thought that she had been the cause of Willand’s rise to his current rank—or downfall to it, depending on who you were asking.
Willand, too remembered his first meeting with Andolyn. He had seen the new princess and thought her to be one of considerable beauty, and wanted her for himself. On one beautiful spring day, he found her alone in the corridors of the castle and thought the opportunity was perfect. When Andolyn walked past him, Willand grabbed her shoulders, throwing her against the wall. Andolyn had struggled and eventually gotten herself free. Radan, hearing the outbursts, had come and found the scene at its end: Andolyn running towards him, and Willand cradling a bloodied nose. Enraged, Radan had thrown Willand to the dungeons, but after thinking the situation through, he realized Willand’s potential uses alive as opposed to beheaded. In payment for his crimes, Willand was made the prince’s key assassin.
The job had its perks, to be sure. Aside from free residence in the castle and a seeming place of honor at the prince’s table, Willand was allowed to do that which he loved most—his “sacred duty” of ridding Ardara of the Underground and those sympathetic to it. To Willand himself though, the position was a prison.
Willand knew that to disobey the prince would mean certain death. Radan certainly had the man power to catch him, and he’d proved his determination with the hunt for Andolyn. Willand knew the only reason she had survived as long as she had was because of the people’s love—a luxury he didn’t have. No, to disobey would mean being subjected to the prince’s wrath. All sorts of tortures awaited those who had wronged the crown. One such torture was the machine—a wicked device that uses electric currents with powerful magic to inflict tremendous torture on the victim until death.
When Andolyn had fled, Radan had given Willand orders to hunt her down and destroy any who stood in his path. The princess was the last person Willand wished to kill. Not until he gave her the option to be his forever that is. He saw her former refusal as a type of hesitation. Perhaps he’d been a little too forward. He would try to win her over. At least he would have, if it didn’t mean he would die. So for the last year and a half, Willand had been chasing the princess all across Ardara.
Any time he managed to find her, he found particular joy in destroying those who had hidden her. Men, women, it didn’t matter. Hunting his obsession for the betterment of a king he didn’t love was all worth it to be able to kill freely.
Now, here he was, creeping into this tiny encampment. He could see them—the two young men. One was definitely a threat, and would probably provide a good bit of fun if he were given the chance to defend himself. He wouldn’t be given that chance though. Willand had learned that if they were given a chance to fight, Andolyn always managed to escape. Not by her own will, but because of the people’s desperation to keep her alive. A long spike to the heart would end this “Spade” quickly. The razor cards the man wielded would make a fantastic edition to Willand’s collection of trophies. From there, the other would be easily taken care of. Struck with the shock of this companion’s death, despite his level of skill, the other would fall just as quickly as the first. Then Willand would find the girl…
Andolyn has a choice. She is quickly bonding to these two colorful characters, but Willand is a frightening force. What will she do next?
Last edited by Andolyn on Mon Jun 06, 2011 9:31 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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You have some great expressiveness in this.
But PLEASE! Give us some spaces between your paragraphs! My eyes hurt trying to keep from getting lost in that solid wall of text!
Otherwise, grammatically, I see some real skill here.
Now, in regards to the storytelling, I like where its going. But it would be nice, if, when faced with a decision point, we have the situation presented. This gives us some more detail to work with. As omniscient readers, we now know that Willand is about to attack the camp. But we're being asked what Andolyn will do now, when she doesn't know that he approaches. That makes for a tough DP.
She turns to citizens for help through her trials? Well, she would have full confidence in these two but may have warned them of the man who trails her, Willand. Perhaps they have set up a trap for him as a result.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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| sorry...fixed the spacing. haha! as for the decision point, she does know. she heard his belt. ((that may have been lost in the wall of text...so sorry)) i'm still getting the hang of all this...bare with me.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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Scream for them to run!
Sorry, yeah, by the time I got to the bottom, among the strain of the text, I had forgotten you had established that at the beginning of that last segment.
And, don't worry 'bout it! Its something just about every new SG'er has done
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 10:50 pm Post subject: I Think...... |
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YAY! Muches hot manness makes the Pope happy. *Grin* *Spins* There is good times to be had with "Traveling companions" But, I shall try and remove my mind from the gutter for a few minutes to respond here.
A good chapter, and from what Thunder-kun said, I missed reading this one with no para-spaces. *Snaps fingers* Damn. I like reading stuff like that. Don't worry, I got yelled at about doing it too, but know you are not alone!
I have to agree with Thunder-kun on the TMI issue. I'm often told that I have not enough information to make an informed DP, but for this one it seems the exact opposite. The transistion between what's going on and the guys past was a subtle as a sledgehammer to the face if I can make a little poke there. A better transistion point would really do some good there. Also, and I'm posative this is just my opninion, I don't think any girl wouldn't at least feel a little hesitant to be lead off into a tent by some guy she just met. I understand that she's either naive or just that trusting, but she seems to have taken far too much for granted in these men. Just an observation.
As for the DP? *Evil grin* I'd say give herself up, and rely on her feminin wiles to escape later. If she's truly dead set on not letting any more people die for her, and she remembers how this guy feels about her, I can see her finding it a rational corse of action. So, sneak out, go to where she heared the noise, and plan on getting away later! (We can always have the knights in cloth armor rescure her later) 
Good chapter! Keep'em rollin' to us!
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:29 am Post subject: |
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I like the assassin's tell, the jingling when he approaches. It's wildly impractical for one who wishes to kill without being detected, but it's also very interesting. Anyway, I'd be grateful if my assassin did the same (if I had one). Nonetheless, we have very short warning, I suspect, if we can hear the jingling. I don't think we have time for strategy, we can only wake everyone up and warn them of danger. We'll have a fight, and if it looks like we're losing, we'll try to run (ideally on horseback).
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Lebrenth wrote: | | I like the assassin's tell, the jingling when he approaches. It's wildly impractical for one who wishes to kill without being detected, but it's also very interesting. Anyway, I'd be grateful if my assassin did the same (if I had one). |
yes i wish my assassin was like that *cough* i mean not that i have one.
but uh, if i disappear for a while...you know...
all the options i think have been presented other than do nothing, and that might not be such a smart choice
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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Well, there's also:
*Grab a weapon and run off into the night, abandoning them to die.
*Grab a weapon and take a position to ambush the assassin, making no signal to the others to give away that she knows the assassin is approaching.
*Start prancing around camp naked to distract the assassin.
And a myriad of other sillier suggestions I could think of...
But in thinking in character, I say she screams like a girl to warn the camp and runs like the wind!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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| all very good...haha! though you might be surprised at what she did in the actual story. i'll say no more since this is your all's job, but dont underestimate her just yet.
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 3:45 am Post subject: |
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Basically.... Ivent been here for a while and I came back just today. So, I asked my bro (also on IF) for a suggestion on what storygame to read, and he asked me to read this one.
**Runs and thanks him for the amazing suggestion**
Stories about a princess running away from a prince, while being hunted by him are not new in India. Technically, this is quite similar to kid's story my grandparents told me when I was 8.
In that story, the princess and the people who are sheltering her, run from the prince, get caught, kill the prince, move to another kingdom and live happily ever after 
But I guess that here, she should alert the others and plan a quick getaway. She'll most probably fail, but if she does, she can always act as if she's fallen for Willand and run with Spade later
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:59 am Post subject: |
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Vikas, you make me blush. =)
Thunder, you ((in one of your many suggestions)) did actually get it.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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My suggestions are awesome. You're welcome
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| teeheehee...i hope you'd still suggest it after reading part 2!!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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I read part 2...No suggestions.. thats all. It still terrific
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Thunderbird
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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Oh wait..
This is what I meant --> I suggested this SG to other people (Vikas). I don't have anything to say for this DP. And I found Part 2 great.
That's all
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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| HAHA i knew what you meant. Keep up, Thunder! haha!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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That's the word I was searching for. I hate how sometimes you just forget words...
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 12:42 am Post subject: |
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LOL.....
Seriously, well written
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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hey after the poll is finished and all voted for and done is done-no turning back, will u tell us what she did in the real story??? cause now u've made me reallly curious
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| hahaha absolutely! if you want, i can do a separate thread with the real story as we go along. =)
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Andolyn
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 3:32 am Post subject: |
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Mmmm...Spade 
did u draw those?
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Check out my first storygame "Brandi's Story!"
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 10:12 am Post subject: |
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| i did. =) and yes...he ((Taylor, the inspiration)) looks just like that in real life. quite the cutie. <3 they both mean the world to me.
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Thunderbird
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 11:51 am Post subject: |
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Thank you, Thunder. Portrait art is probably some of my favorite. something about the human face fascinates me. especially eyes. =)
alrighty, given the number of options Thunder gave us, i'm going to go ahead and poll.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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Somehow it doesn't seem like a smart call by Willand to wear those trophies while he's on missions-- it alerts everyone to his presence. Nice follow up to your 1st part, though.
I hope we see some more women characters; so far there is Andolyn as the center of attention and a constellation of men seeking her. This preponderance of men-- it seems to be indicative of an impulse to at once contain and protect femininity. It'd be interesting to see how another woman could destabilize the current psychological structure of your story.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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Ah.. Spade was exactly how I imagined him to be! Good work to me.. and you!
Spade's clothes also immediately popped into my mind, a blue and white stuff... but we'll forget that I said it.
VOTED !
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 12:36 am Post subject: |
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| Thunderbird wrote: | | I like D's suggestion regarding another female character thrown into the mix. Nefarious, but clever. |
Would it be overstatement to say that you read my comments on a chapter just as closely as the chapter itself? 
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 7:24 am Post subject: |
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I pay attention to most of what's said, even in the commentary. I'm not isolating you out... you just happen to say some very interesting things
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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| haha fear not, guys. there will be other females. they wont be the focal point of the plot, but they will be there. the action will mainly center around our 3 companions, but they will interact with many colorful characters. haha!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Though I'm a little late for the suggestion phase, I thought I'd give this a read through anyway, as it has had some very good comments... and they are comments well deserved. I'm liking this story so far.
One thing I will say, and I think Pope already mentioned it, was that she did seem a little too trusting of Spade and Barden. I think she would be more than a little hesitant of these men, who, prior to mere minutes before, she's never met. I know I would, and I'm not being hunted down by every Tom, Dick and Harry on the Prince's payroll. But that is just my opinion, and, despite said opinion, it is still looking to be a very good tale. And the artwork is cool too. I look forward to seeing where this story is going.
A very belated welcome to IF, Andolyn! May you find as much joy on the site as I have!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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| thank you, very much! =) as sort of an explanation for her trusting nature, i'll let you in on a little secret. Andolyn is a direct representation of myself ((haha shocking, i know...)) i am trusting to a fault most of the time. i am quick to get a feel for someone's intentions and trust them completely as soon as i do. it makes no sense, but that's how our relationship was born in real life. we met, and were instantly closer than family. there will be several things in the course of the story that might be a little off from what you would usually expect, but i tried to keep it as close to the reality as i could. of course, the physical danger wasnt there, but the emotions and relationships are all completely real.
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| Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Of course. As JL Borges said, all literature is autobiographical.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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Looks like you all are going to make her play the damsel...ah, well. here we go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No more. Andolyn would not see another of her citizens die at the hand of this wicked man, Willand—least of all the men that had just saved her life—even if it meant taking a life for the first time. It had come to this. Her saviors and companions—she would even venture to say friends were in terrible danger. Their playful noise at the fire was keeping them from hearing his approach. Willand was not using his usual head on tactic, so the men had no chance of survival; she would not sit by. Spade and Barden would not become sickening trophies on Willand’s belt. Not if Andolyn could help it.
Silently, the girl placed herself next to a small hole in Spade’s old canvas tent. As silent as the death he brought, Willand slid into the little camp and headed straight for the backs of the unsuspecting men at the fire. Honor meant nothing to this man as long as the job was done. He would end their lives from behind then find the princess. He was already preparing. He waited for the perfect timing to release the spikes he already held in his raised hand. Barden and Spade knew nothing of the impending doom that stood a mere ten feet behind them.
Andolyn rushed out the tent flap, placing herself defensively between her friends and the deadly attacker.
"Barden! Spade!" she cried as she ran. Her heart raced and time seemed to stand still for what seemed like an eternity. There she was, standing with her arms out to her sides before the man who had haunted her nightmares for two long years. An evil grin crossed his face.
Barden and Spade were on their feet in an instant. A wicked hiss escaped Spade's lips as he recognized the man on the other side of the camp. A flash of recognition crossed Willand's face as well. How much he's changed...the man thought. Barden, slightly taken aback by his friend's reaction, paused momentarily before racing forward with his broadsword raised.
Willand, no longer having the element of surprise on his side, pulled out a small sword of his own and faced off against the oncoming bard. While the two of them wheeled round and round--Willand keeping close watch on Andolyn's whereabouts--Spade reached for the princess's arm and gently pulled her behind him, shielding her with his body. He didn't particularly like the lustful look in the assassin's eye when it fell on the girl...
Barden was thoroughly enjoying the still ongoing battle he was having with Willand and was therefore not even trying to defeat him. Spade was more than happy to let his friend have the fun. Spade was slightly more wary about the situation. This was not his first run in with the assassin. He kept one hand on his deck of cards, and the other firmly on the arm of the trembling girl behind him.
Suddenly, when Willand was becoming bored with the scuffle between himself and Barden, he darted below Barden's arm and rushed on Spade and Andolyn. Barden narrowly missed a deadly blow to the ribs with a knife by rolling out of the way. Despite his caution with the situation, the sudden movement even caught Spade by surprise. The thief was delayed in his defense by taking time to push Andolyn out of harm's way. He pulled out a card just in time to have it poised at Willand's throat. The slight stinging between his ribs told Spade that he and Willand had reached an impasse. One with a blade to the throat, the other with one to the chest.
Barden, afraid to move and further endanger his best friend, stood frozen to his place where he'd rolled to dodge the attack.
Suddenly, Willand fell, clutching at his shoulder. A silver arrow was now bringing a steady stream of blood from the deep wound. Barden and Spade turned to see a breathless Andolyn running forward. In the confusion, she had been able to get back to the tent where she'd left her bow when Spade inadvertently pushed her toward it. She stood over Willand with another arrow set to the string, ready to fire, looking as fierce as any warrior the men had seen before.
“No more,” the princess’s hatred oozed from every word. “No More!!” she screamed with tears in her eyes. Willand knew the girl’s lack of experience in the killing arts, but he wasn’t too naďve to neglect knowing her skill as well. She didn’t have to miss him. The girl could just as easily have placed that arrow directly through his heart. This would be a battle for another day.
With his weapons on the ground, Willand stood and began to back away from Andolyn. Each step he took back, she took one forward, defending the men that stood in shock behind her.
Coming back to himself, Spade stepped up, "Tell your Master what's happened here, and warn him...Anthony Jenkins is returning from the shadows, and he's not alone..." Neither Barden nor Andolyn knew the significance of the words, but Spade's entire demeanor had changed back into the rarely seen man who took down the soldiers earlier that day.
“Run,” Andolyn hissed. That was something Willand didn’t need to be told more than once, and soon, he was gone.
Andolyn stood, trembling from head to toe, still poised and ready to attack again. Spade gave a meaningful glance in Barden’s direction. Simultaneously, the two men stepped forward. Spade laid his hand on the princess’s arm, lowering it, while Barden gently took the bow and arrow from her hands. Andolyn seemed to start as though waking from a distant nightmare. She rubbed her face, staring wide-eyed at the ground.
“I think I’d like to go back to sleep now,” she whispered. Overcome with shock and exhaustion, Andolyn swayed before collapsing into Spade’s arms. Barden moved in quickly and lifted the girl back into Spade’s tent and into the bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After seeing that Andolyn was taken care of, the two young men sat back down on the log by the fire—this time keeping their guard up.
“She doesn’t even know us,” Barden shook his head. Spade looked at him, waiting on the explanation that always followed his friend’s comments. “She could have just run. She could have gotten away while he did away with us…but she didn’t.”
“She fought for us,” Spade stared thickly at the fire. Barden nodded. “There’s something special about her. I can’t put my finger on it yet, but it’s there.” Again, Barden nodded his agreement.
“Apparently she’s done something,” Barden wondered aloud. “Those weren’t your average soldiers after her today.”
Spade shook his head and sighed, remembering a long-ago happening, “I hate those men.” he raised a hand to stop the scolding that Barden was about to give him. “I know I know, it’s wrong to hate, but I can’t help it!” It was here that Spade stood and began pacing back and forth as he fumed. He argued almost with himself while Barden sat quietly waiting for him to finish.
“That girl,” Spade stopped and pointed at his tent, “what could that girl possibly have done to merit such threats?? Disgusting—absolutely foul. The things they would have done to her, Barden—if only I could get a hold of the rest of them—I’d take the whole monarchy down on my own!!” having released most of his frustration, Spade rejoined his friend on the log by the fire and stared blankly into the blaze. “And the worst part is…I let them get to her…I allowed them to hurt her, and then she turns around and saves my life.”
Barden didn’t look at Spade when he spoke, “At least you were there; I was asleep in the tent…” They both sighed heavily. Then Barden shook his head, “Do you realize that we’ve known this girl for less than two hours, and we’re already plotting to dethrone the Monarchy on her behalf?” Spade picked up the glass of ale he had been drinking during their meal and raised it slightly to the fire then toward his tent where the battered Andolyn slept in a silent toast before taking a long drink; Barden did likewise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andolyn woke three hours later to the sounds of her companions packing in the camp. She rubbed her bandaged hand; the pain was worse than anything she had experienced before. She wondered what was to become of her now. Would Spade and Barden wish her farewell? Would she be alone until she could find another safe haven? Andolyn’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Barden’s voice at the front of the tent.
“Should we wake her?” his hushed tone sounded reluctant to do so.
“No,” Spade’s silky voice answered, “it looks like she’s been through a lot—and not just today—let her sleep as long as she will. We can leave as soon as she wakes.” Andolyn smiled at her tenderhearted friends. She quietly lifted the flap of Spade’s tent and stood next to Barden.
“Well, good morning, Princess!” he sang. Andolyn’s heart skipped a beat.
They know! she thought frantically, but Spade’s lighthearted laugh let her know that this was simply her new pet-name.
The camp was now gone; the only sign that they had been there at all was Spade’s canvas tent that she had just exited. After watching her look around for a moment, Barden spoke.
“We need to leave,” Andolyn sensed a slight urgency in the words, but it was the look in Barden’s deep blue eyes that made her worry. “Spade really did a good job of making friends this morning from what he tells me. We’re afraid they might come back for a rematch.”
“And should that happen,” Spade chimed in with a tone that almost broke Andolyn’s heart, “we want you as far away from here as possible…” He eyed the girl’s bandaged hand with unbridled remorse in his eyes. She slid it out of his view without letting on as though she meant to.
Andolyn nodded thinking this was goodbye, “Where will I go?” She didn’t bother trying to sound brave. It was then that two long arms wrapped around her from behind as Barden spoke.
“There’s a town about a two day’s journey from here. We’ll make for that,” he paused here to give Andolyn a gentle squeeze, “don’t you worry, you’re ours now, and that means we keep you safe.” Andolyn glanced at Spade who nodded with a smile.
Now What?? Here is a mostly open decision point. I want to hear your thoughts. Should she stay with them and join their wandering for a time, or should she go out on her own? Other ideas?
Last edited by Andolyn on Mon Jun 06, 2011 9:34 pm; edited 3 times in total
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:02 am Post subject: |
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It's not clear to me why she let Willand go. Maybe in the bottom of her heart she has feelings for him? It was unwise, since he could have been captured. Now he still poses a threat.
I'd say she should follow them, but disguised. It is essential they find her a disguise.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:44 am Post subject: |
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| Now, D...what's the point of wasting a perfectly good bad guy this early on? haha! i assure you she has no feelings for him...he scares her to death, but it's not her nature to kill unless she has to...if he would have attacked again, he'd be dead...but he did the smart thing and backed off. she's given him a good warning, and now she's not the only one who knows what to listen for when it comes to him. Andolyn knows him well enough to know he's a threat, but it will be awhile before he gets the courage to try anything again.
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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Amazing chapter =)
And yes, even I was wonderin why they didnt capture/kill Willand when they had a chance, seeing that Spade does hate him as well. But, if you want to use him as a bad guy, thats fine, I guess...
I think she should stick around with her companions for a while... might be helpful to her.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| i tweaked it just a bit...see if that helps with the issue of leaving him alive & letting him go. =)
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah...i agree with D. Disguise her and have her follow
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:40 am Post subject: I Think...... |
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Good chappy, much enjoyment! Yay! The hot Assassin lives! I actually have that
Pic you linked me to of him as my background right now. *Grin* I like bad guys.
So, the killing spark isn't in this one, eh? Nice touch. Many a hero/heroin fall to their
anger and angst when it comes to being hunted for so long, but the dear girl
seems to remain bright! I like.
Pokes, How do you stare thickly? That phrase made no sense....to me at lest. I
kinda got what you're trying to say, but....And a laugh conveying that she now has
a nickname. That part is a little to author omniciant for me.An either more
explained "Don't go giving her a nickname" or at least a little more explination
would help. And, less as a writing poke, but is there any way to fix the page
issue? Scrolling back and forth for each line is a pain....
Run! Run away and be an independantly self sufficiant female lead! I just had to
throw that in there! You can even have them chaseing her out of concern
I really think this is building up well! I can't wait to see more!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:04 am Post subject: |
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Good Job!
I will have to go with sticking with these people here. Don't go alone.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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I voted for her to ambush the assassin by the way - lest ye underestimate me in the process of assuming I underestimate your heroine
Still, this was very nicely delivered. The fight scene could've used a few more blow by blow's but that's just a style opinion I know not everyone shares. The impasse was fantastic though! I got a clear and vivid image there.
I, too, even after your tweak apparently, thought that not killing him was a foolish move. But it did say something about her character (and the other two could've pressed the fight as well but apparently Spade had a message to send and used the situation to his advantage in that regard.)
The DP is a bit soft on us because I can't logically see any cause, especially now, for her to go off on her own. But the suggestion of finding a disguise suits well. I add that the rest should disguise themselves as well, now that they've sent a message that who knows how quickly may be transmitted.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Ramol
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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I just read the whole thing and it is awesome!!  Spade and his slicing and dicing deck of cards are shweet! The characters are likeable in their own way.... even Willand. Yeah he's a bad dude, but he's humanized with his infatuation with Andolyn and therefore, I find myself slightly sympathetic toward him. It also makes me wonder if there's a chance of redemption for him somewhere down the road?? Probably not, with his lust of killing seeming to be his true love, but at least the small chance is there.
It seems that Andolyn would probably stick with the duo, but maybe she suggests something other than the town? Maybe she doesn't want anyone to track her there and put more people in danger? I don't know what alternative she might suggest other than running though the forest like Robin Hood, Little John and Maid Marian though. Just a thought.
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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Awesome chapter!!!! and btw i notice everyone saying not killing willand is foolish. maybe it is but i think not killing him fits in with the character's nature. oh and may i point out that everyone saying that are(as far as i can tell) *cough*boys*cough*
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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Well, cbg... I've played enough RPG with my wife to know that such a desire to defeat in finale anyone who has crossed her and is now at her mercy is not merely a masculine trait. Hell hath no fury you know...
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Thunderbird wrote: | | Well, cbg... I've played enough RPG with my wife to know that such a desire to defeat in finale anyone who has crossed her and is now at her mercy is not merely a masculine trait. Hell hath no fury you know... |
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crazybookgal
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| Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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lol i hope ur wife kicked ur butt
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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| BAHAHA!!! i love you guys...
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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Oh... she makes it nearly impossible to keep villains alive around her (they must have very good escape plans or they die - that simple - she shows 0 mercy.)
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| NOW POLLING!!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 10:48 am Post subject: |
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*sigh* I really must start making more effort to read these new chapters before they go to poll! My apologies for the lateness, Andolyn.
Again, I really enjoyed this chapter... or part 3 of a chapter, if I'm being accurate. I have to say, I don't think I would have been as kind as Andolyn, when it came to Willand. Would at least have let him go with a slightly more physical warning.
I agreed with D on the disguise thing too. Will be interesting to find ways to do so too, such as some natural source of dye for her hair, and other such things. So that is where my vote went.
Looking forward to the next one, which I will hopefully be in time for. Good work!
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| Posted: Sun May 29, 2011 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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Prince Radan paced impatiently around his chambers. The party he had sent after the princess had yet to report back to him, and he needed her dead. She knew far too much.
There was a knock on the large wooden door to which he replied, “Enter!” One of the soldiers that had been involved in the day’s events—the reluctant one, in the back—removed his hat and slid into the room without meeting the prince’s impatient glare. “Well, Gawain?” the prince demanded, “Did you take care of her? And where is Captain Darion?”
“The—the Captain…” stammered the man nervously, “You see, Milord, we were…caught by surprise…”
“What??” Prince Radan looked as though he would explode with anger.
“She—the princess, I mean—she had help! There was a young man with her. He killed the captain and two other men.”
“A…man…?” Radan turned to look out the window. “Who was this…man?”
“I know not, Majesty,” Sir Gawain stared at the floor, “He was nothing like I’ve ever seen before. He wielded four sided daggers with an inhuman speed, and when one of the men tried to attack the princess he got very angry—Lord, if you could have seen! It was like staring into the eyes of a demon!”
The prince’s mind was racing now. Who was this fantastic man that turned away his troop single handedly? Radan knew of only two with this ability, but it couldn’t be. They had both been absent from the Prince’s ever watchful radar for years—he believed them to have fled Ardara altogether.
“Now,” he mused, “This man of yours that attacked Andolyn…what became of that?”
The soldier looked up briefly before returning his gaze to the floor. “The young man struck him down with one of his daggers. Adaro only managed to cut the girl’s hand.” Gawain cowered slightly expecting another outburst from Radan. The response he actually received caught him off guard.
“Good…” Prince Radan stared out the window with a nasty smirk on his face. Confused, the soldier risked asking.
“Good, Milord?”
“Yes…very good,” the reply was a wicked hiss that unnerved the man standing at the door, “what the little princess and her new friend don’t realize is that I coated all of your weapons in a slow poison…” Sir Gawain looked questioningly at Radan, but the prince was too deep in his own thoughts to notice. “It’s extremely rare. It could take several months to fully take effect. In the next few days, she will notice that the wound isn’t healing as it should. She will probably blame it on a simple infection. Eventually though, the poison will begin to spread and will slowly kill her…” The soldier gazed at him in horror. The prince meant to make the girl suffer; he was torturing her. Radan turned to look at the solder who was frantically reevaluating his beliefs of the way his country was operating.
“Good work. Now go assemble my finest troops,” an evil grin crossed Radan’s face.
“That fool who’s helping her doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. I will have his head!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ow…” Spade rubbed his neck, “I’ve got a headache all of a sudden…”
“Weird,” Barden shrugged. Darkness was covering the path as the sun set over the distant mountains. Andolyn rode quietly behind the young men debating on whether or not to reveal herself to them.
Somewhere around an hour after sunset, Barden pulled the small guitar Andolyn had suspected from one of his larger saddle bags. He tuned it and began a quick, joyous song. Spade bit his lip for a moment before venturing to speak.
“So, Moya,” the girl didn’t look up. “Where are you from?”
“I grew up in Bridlestrom,” she answered, and the conversation died there. Barden finished his song then passed the guitar to Spade who picked a slow, sad melody with no words. Barden looked over his shoulder at the mysterious young woman; having removed the hood, mustache, and wig Spade had in his "bag of tricks", she was staring out across a large meadow they were passing. He had found her attractive from the time of their meeting, but there in the light of the full moon, her beauty was profound.
The mist of the cool night caught in her blonde curls forming drops of dew that reflected the soft moonlight like the furthest, most precious stars in the night sky. Her pale skin shown faintly in the light, and her emerald eyes glittered like the Aldonean Seas. Barden punched Spade hard in the arm, then shushed him before he could protest and pointed at the silent girl. Spade turned too, and had to keep from gasping aloud. The dew in Andolyn’s hair caught his attention as well. He noticed the way several drops had accumulated around the top of her hair. Barden had jokingly referred to the girl as “Princess” earlier that day, but Spade was struck by how well that delicate crown of mist suited her. He noticed for the first time the way she carried herself; she possessed an air of regality that neither man had picked up on before that moment.
When Spade stopped playing, Andolyn began to hum softly. The two young men faced forward again and listened as, slowly, Andolyn’s humming turned to singing. Her voice was light, but it was pure and as clear as the night sky that revealed her beauty. Though the song was one that neither of them had heard, Spade found himself playing a simple accompaniment to it that grew into an intricately beautiful song of its own. It was as though he couldn’t control what he was doing.
Complementing her felt natural, and disrupting the beautiful sound they made together would have felt like a sin. The song was slow and hypnotic; even the wind in the trees seemed to be under some spell.
When their song had finished, Andolyn smiled, “that was fun.” Without a word, Spade handed the guitar back to Barden who simply stared at his friend in astonishment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was Andolyn who broke the few moments of silence this time. “How did you two end up together?” she asked, riding forward to where she was between the two.
“Well,” Barden began surprised that the girl was speaking voluntarily, “It’s nothing spectacular really. We were both roaming the countryside, ran into one another, and got along really well, so we decided to roam together and see what mischief we could stir up.” He laughed suddenly at a fond memory that had come to mind.
“Spade! Do you remember—“
“Shh!” Spade hissed. He stopped his horse and listened. “Horses; on the road behind us—there are a lot of them coming fast.”
“Radan’s men!” Andolyn’s eyes grew wide.
************
What do we do?? Do we make a stand? Do we all run? Does Barden distract the men since he's not been seen yet while the others make a getaway? Other options??
Last edited by Andolyn on Mon Jun 06, 2011 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun May 29, 2011 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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I loved the chapter!
Our main characters didn't do too much in this chapter, but it set up the arrival of Radan's man. I don't think we should immediately assume that they are Radan's men. So, Barden should probably go out and decide if there's any danger.
Also, we decide a signal. Something like, three whistles = run. One whistle = Attack!! after Barden makes his choice.
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Sun May 29, 2011 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Have Barden distract them...then run like hell
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 1:48 pm Post subject: |
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I loved this chapter actually. Sure, the characters didn't DO much but that wasn't a problem at all imo. We got a very nicely delivered insight into the world of the Monarch and the emotional moments were extremely well written, imo. Everything was crystal clear and easy to absorb and envision.
They should probably make haste off the road and attempt to set up an ambush for any who dare follow them into the wild.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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I loved this chapter every bit except for that slow poison part... Something doesnt look right about that but cant put my finger on it :/
Anyway, I dont think we should have Barden distract them or something. We're forgetting he's one of the main characters too.... It'd suck if he got caught.
Not really, the story would be amazing then but I dont think ANYONE would want Barden to do that. Whatever these three do, they must do it together.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue May 31, 2011 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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Another good chapter, Andolyn! And, yay! I actually managed to reply before it went to poll.
I'm with Vikas. I really like Barden, and I wouldn't want anything to happen to him, just so that the others can escape. And, injured though he may be, Willand is still out there somewhere too. If either Andolyn and Spade, or Barden alone were to meet him again, it could also be dangerous.
I'm going to go with running at full speed, until they come to a point where they will be more hidden, and have the chance to lose those that pursue them (if they pursue them, could easily be a group of people out hunting for something other than our trio )
Good work, Andolyn, and I guess you've gotten to a point now where this SG should be stickied (which I hope I've done right, as it's my first time!), ready for the next spotlight.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue May 31, 2011 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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| i've officially been stickied! haha that's awesome! haha!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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Good work to both Andolyn and Tika here! I think we may have a real contender for this competition -been thinking the new Spotlight should be starting soon.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:33 am Post subject: |
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| Now Polling!!
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Mattheus
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:31 pm Post subject: |
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Really enjoying this story, can't wait to see what happens next. And I vote for running away, live to fight another day
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| looks like it's time to get the original up in Linear. you'll have to give me a bit to rewrite this next chapter & it will be up! glad everyone is liking it!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 10:45 am Post subject: |
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"We need to get off the road," Barden's concern for Andolyn was evident, "Now!" Together, they headed for the side of the road, Spade turned. With a flourish, he whipped two smoke bombs out of his coat. He threw one with all his strength landing it a good ways off up the road. The other, he threw into the trees on the other side of the road.
"We need to distract them. If there's not a bigger sign, our tracks here will be evident," Spade's tone was dark. Barden had forgotten that his carefree friend's former life had been one where stealth and trickery kept him alive. Spade was slowly turning back into the man Barden had met all those years ago...
"You get her out of here," Barden ordered, "I'm going to stay and see what's going on." Spade gave him a look of concern and doubt. "Listen, they didn't see me earlier. Even if the spot me, I'm just a roaming bard!"
"I don't like it, Barden," but Spade's eyes found Andolyn. She waited patiently on her horse with a look of fear in her emerald eyes.
"She needs you," Barden spoke softer now, "Go, they'll be here any second."
Spade shook his head, then mounted his horse. He smacked Andolyn's mount before racing after her into the dark trees. Barden watched them go.
"Protect them," he whispered as Andolyn looked back over her shoulder.
Protect him. She prayed.
Crouched in the brush just behind a row of trees, Barden waited.
Soon enough, the soldiers rounded the bend in the road. Spade's trick had worked. They rode past the place where hoof prints marked their exit and studied the two smoky routes up the road.
"They can't be far ahead," the new captain barked. "These were recently set off." He stopped, thinking a moment. "You! Follow this trail into the woods. Mind your weapons, now! You know what the Prince did to them just for the occasion. The rest of you, with me! The princess and her companion must be found. They will not survive the night!!"
Barden waited several minutes before moving.He then followed the same course his friends had taken only moments before certain death would have found them. He tracked them fairly easily with the subtle markers Spade had left for him during their flight. The skilled young thief was crafty; the marks would have been unnoticeable had the duo not been the closest of friends.
Barden’s mind raced with the thoughts of who this beautiful young girl they were escorting could be. They had known from the beginning that she was something extraordinary but a princess? And what did the soldier mean about the prince tampering with the weapons? It was a lot for Barden’s tired mind to absorb.
From out of the cool mist Barden heard a low whistle that was Spade’s signal. He answered in like fashion. A thin form slowly made its way out from behind a tree.
“What happened back there?” Spade questioned.
“We've got big issues,” he looked meaningfully at Spade.
“Barden, what is it?” Spade caught the gravity his friend was trying to convey.
“It’s Moya. They want her dead…and you too for helping her…”
“Well we guessed that from them trying to run her through this morning didn’t we?”
“There’s more, but I’ll tell you when we get back to her. She hasn’t been alone this whole time has she?” Barden sat back up in the saddle trying to penetrate the darkness to catch a glimpse of the girl.
“She’s not too far,” Spade assured him, “There’s a small clearing just up ahead.”
~~~~~~~~~
Since building a fire was out of the question on this most bright of nights, Andolyn had gathered some nuts and berries from the surrounding area. While waiting for Spade to find Barden, she had also busied herself with setting the tents for her brave comrades. She might be a princess, but she hadn’t always been one. When she heard them coming through the trees, she stood and wiped her hands.
“I got us some food,” she said brightly, almost halfway finished with the first tent, “it isn’t much, but it will give us some energy...” she stopped when she saw Barden's downcast look. "They didn't hurt you did they?"
"No," he said quietly, "They didn't even know I was there."
Andolyn turned back to her work with her head bowed. “It’s time I tell you both something,” she began.
“Is it?” Barden asked quietly while tying his horse to a tree, “Princess?” Spade looked up suddenly at Andolyn wide eyed, waiting to see the girl’s reaction.
Andolyn stood perfectly still, but began trembling from head to toe. “The Captain said they were looking for a princess and her companion, and since Spade here doesn’t really look like the Princess type...”
Andolyn turned slowly and looked at Barden as though he’d just mortally wounded her. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but all words had been choked from her lungs. In the moonlight, the tears that began streaming down the sides of her face shown as rivers of silver.
“Moya…I—” Barden stepped toward her, instantly regretting his forcefulness.
“My name is Andolyn,” the princess whispered with her fists clenched and her eyes shut tight. She then stood tall, still with her fists clenched and threw back her head. The tears that dripped from her elevated chin glittered softly in the moonlight. “I was chosen to be the next queen of Ardara.” Barden and Spade fell to their knees while they looked on their “Princess” as the true sovereign that she was, but Andolyn was mortified by their gesture of respect.
“No no no!” she cried, rushing forward. She first took Barden’s, then Spade’s hands and pulled them to their feet. They looked at each other then faced Andolyn. “Please…” she held up a trembling hand and bowed her head. “As I said, I was chosen to be married to the Prince. At first it was a dream come true; Prince Radan was the loving, romantic man that every girl dreams of marrying. My family was thrilled that I would have a good life,” Andolyn made her way to the small sitting area she had made between the tents. When Spade and Barden had joined her, the reluctant princess continued.
“We were wrong though,” the hot tears pouring from those bright green eyes made the two men want to comfort her, but they weren’t sure exactly what to do for her. “The Prince didn’t love me at all. I was just his ticket to the throne, and otherwise I wasn’t good enough for him.”
“You were too good for him,” Barden corrected. Spade nodded his agreement and Andolyn offered a feeble laugh at their efforts. “That doesn’t seem to be much of a reason to hunt you down and kill you.”
“No,” Andolyn shook her head, “He’s hunting me because of what I know.” Her comrades looked at her with questions in their eyes. “I was exploring the castle one day as I often did, when I stumbled across the hall of records. I love history, and since I was going to rule the country one day, I saw no harm in doing a bit of research. What I found though would tear this country apart.” Now both men were leaning towards her in anticipation. “The Hallams are not the true rulers of Ardara. They took power years ago, and killed anyone who dared to protest, so now no one speaks of it. It’s a scandal that reaches from the smallest cottage to the very roots of the Monarchy, and only the oldest of the old know who the true rulers were. The Hallams killed them all and anyone who was loyal to them.”
Spade, uncomfortably familiar with the story remained in thoughtful silence, but Barden was sure his brain must be leaking out of his ears by now from the massive explosion that was consuming every idea he had ever thought about his homeland. “Wait—so if the Hallams are not the true royal family…who is?”
Andolyn sighed in frustration, “And now we come to the most difficult part. You see, Radan’s little henchmen told him where I had been for so long and he got suspicious. He caught me before I had a chance to see that part. Fortunately, with the help of my best friends Roselyn and Ebony and a few of the servants who were more loyal to me than to him I managed to escape. I’ve been on the run for over a year now, and I think it’s time I stopped.”
“What do you mean to do?” Barden eyed her with concern.
The princess stood, pacing slowly around in a circle. “I mean to find a way back to Darbinshire, infiltrate the castle, break into the hall of records, see who the true rulers are, and hopefully escape with some good information…and my life…”
*****
What do we do now? Do Barden & Spade follow her into danger or let her go alone? Do they try to talk her out of it? Other options?
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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Loved the chapter!!! I came to the computer half-asleep and this woke me up fully.
DP--> Unless we have some supernatural powers, there is NO WAY three humans are going to infiltrate into a kingdom filled with people who are trained to kill them. We need a good plan, and (hopefully) get some of Spade's friends or tribe members are people who would help him and then infiltrate.
In the current situation, we don't know how many men Radan sent, how many are at the palace, and if the men that were sent can return to the palace before we make our way there.
So, try to talk her out of it FOR NOW, while preparing to launch an infiltration when we have a better chance.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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now you need to go read the original in Linear.
personally, i like my original of this scene better. haha!
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:10 pm Post subject: |
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I like the original better too. Barden really doesnt do much by hiding. So I felt there was no point of him going back. Technically, seeing that we would have anyway learnt that Andolyn is a princess at the end of the chapter, Barden going out just seemed a bit unnecessary. Also, the story seemed to go a bit faster.
IMHO, This chapter was really really good, but doesnt meet the standards you've set.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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| yes...this is a critical scene...for later events as well. it was truly painful to write it this way knowing what my other option would have been. haha!
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:21 am Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: |
“No,” Andolyn shook her head, “He’s hunting me because of what I know.” Her comrades looked at her with questions in their eyes. “I was exploring the castle one day as I often did, when I stumbled across the hall of records. I love history, and since I was going to rule the country one day, I saw no harm in doing a bit of research. What I found though would tear this country apart.” Now both men were leaning towards her in anticipation. “The Hallams are not the true rulers of Ardara. They took power years ago, and killed anyone who dared to protest, so now no one speaks of it. It’s a scandal that reaches from the smallest cottage to the very roots of the Monarchy, and only the oldest of the old know who the true rulers were. The Hallams killed them all and anyone who was loyal to them.”
Spade, uncomfortably familiar with the story remained in thoughtful silence, but Barden was sure his brain must be leaking out of his ears by now from the massive explosion that was consuming every idea he had ever thought about his homeland. “Wait—so if the Hallams are not the true royal family…who is?”
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Ah-ha! Spotted this, and so I'm just guessing Spade is either a member of the ousted royal family or very close to someone who is. I'm also guessing that Barden has no clue, which could lead to some very interesting conflict between them when we finally find out.
Note, I'm not going to read the original until after this one's complete - don't want to spoil anything!
For the DP, I F5 Vish on going to gather support. We don't need and shouldn't get lots of people - would make it much harder to infiltrate with a large band, unless we come up with a very good disguise and excuse. But if Spade's experienced in the more rogue-ish aspects of this world, a couple more like him will make it a lot easier to sneak in.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:29 am Post subject: |
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teehee, how very observant, Whitey.
in case you just want to though, i'm not passing the SG with the original. i'll be posting chapter by chapter as i'm doing now, so you wouldnt be reading anything new...just different. the only difference in Chapter 1 is that i threw in the prologue and author's note...chapter 2 is where we've begun to seriously deviate...personally, i'm not happy with the result...but then again, i might be a bit biased.
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Mattheus
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:17 am Post subject: |
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| I think they should get in touch with those friends of hers that helped her escape maybe they can help to give an idea of what is happening in the castle and surrounds and how much more "inside" help they can get before charging in and taking over.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:46 am Post subject: |
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Yet another fab chapter, Andi! And, yeah, I spotted that line of Spade's too, and was much intrigued.
For the DP...I would have gone with most of the others, and said to try and gather an army of people to lay siege to the castle. But upon thinking about it, and so that you have another dp option, see if they can find one of these 'oldest of the old' that Andolyn mentioned, someone who might know something about the rightful rulers of the kingdom, without them having to put themselves in danger just yet. Maybe once they have that information they could go and find any living heirs to the throne...if they haven't already that is.
Looking forward to the next one already!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:23 am Post subject: |
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I like the plot backwork going on here. Finally we see what we're now all about. Great reveal.
I wonder if you may have struggled with the way the DP flowed due to having such a preconceived concept of how to arrange the scenes to this delivery. Perhaps it may have worked better to force the confrontation on us anyhow - perhaps the riders may have just caught a glimpse of motion and tracked us down FORCING Barden to hold them off. There are usually ways around such things for the author especially when we generally only determine the character's decisions - not the success or failure of such decisions.
But I'm not by any stretch of the imagination disappointed with this chapter at all. Andolyn showed a measure of character development as did Barden and I'm ever so tickled with the court intrigue.
I certainly don't think that charging willy nilly into the hall of records is a good idea. There must be a better way. Perhaps we can find someone to hire to get in there... or perhaps there are other sources of finding out that information. Things have a way of slipping under the notice of conspirators. I suggest they visit an old haunt of Spade's - perhaps an inn off the beaten track, to try to get some third party information first. Rumor may well have circulated through the underworld and been passed in hushed whispers as legend.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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T, the fact that you used the word "tickled" actually made me giggle. lol! i'm glad you liked it! i assume you read the original? you can see the difference in flow easily. haha! i could have been sneaky with this one...but i chose to go with it for the purpose of letting you see the difference...and seeing if i could rise to the challenge of "messing" with my beloved story. lol!
that being said...i probably will get sneaky with this next one if need be...this is another crucial direction point to get us where we need to be.
this chapter was tricky because somehow Barden HAD to hear the soldiers speaking in order to come to the confrontation with Andolyn in the clearing. if they had been able to escape and nothing come from it, she might well have chosen to keep quiet a while longer.
i hope everyone continues to enjoy the read!!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:30 am Post subject: I Think....... |
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*Nods in approval* This is definately heating up. I can see the web beginning to glisten behind the scenes.
Now, this may sound like I'm tearing into you a bit, but please understand, I'm not trying to!
2 big notes. First being your reluctance to deviate from your original. I have to say, it shows for me big time. I swear I could hear you chewing your own right ear off during the deviation. The sound makes it difficult to really enjoy the words before my eyes. Now, I must say, I know how you feel. on NNS when it was pointed out how slow the story goes, I was almost beside myself trying to figure out how to pick up pace. I almost ended up cutting out some story to reach the next conflict, but insted I gave myself some time to come to terms with what I needed to do, and ended up with a nice addition that really helps with understanding my main character. I know what it's like to have somthing fixed in my mind and then have these silly peoples here on IF throw me a curve ball.....*Points at DD and the Bartender issue*
So, just a suggestion. Next time it comes to a point where you feel your heart/mind baulk at the DP result set in front of you, give yourself some more time. Forget your finished story for a while, and re-read the SG version. Drag your mind away from what 'is', and focus more on what 'could be'. I believe it will improve this story imensly.
Second note. Again, no offence ment, but I'm loseing the feeling here...Each scene is well described, and all relevent points are adressed, but over all, the heart is faltering. Not just this chapter, but the one before it too. Even though she trembled, and cried, I just couldn't feel it. Lines like... " Barden's concern for Andolyn was evident" just don't cut if you with your readers to empathize with the characters. I feel, that you throw lines like that throughout every chapter far too often. Rather then describe just how the emotion looks on the face of the one feeling it, or popping inside the mind/heart of the character to get the feeling across, you rely too much on the reader to fill in the emotional gaps such phrases bring about. At times, it feels more like a s cribe writing the story then the talented author I know is behind your keyboard. This may be in part to your reluctance to deviate, but I sense it's a little more then that. I know SGing is supose to be fun, but I feel you may be taking this a little lightly.
I know that when I began here, the concept of submitting to another persons, or collection of persons, whim and fancy scared the hell out of me. But now that I've let go a bit, I find my writing improveing, and my heart is feeling more free in it's endevors to express itself. My spelling still may be crap, but there are a few more words that are ingrained into my mind thanks to my fellow IFians! *Minute for example*
*Bows* I really do enjoy the story. Don't get me wrong, I love the way things are going, and I by no means want to discourage you from writing this. *Looks around sheepishly* I may be off my nut with these certiques, but then again, my fingers are just moveing, and I'm helpless when it comes to them expressing themselves.
From the deepest depths of my authors heart, I wish you best of luck, and pray you can take something of use from my rantings above and put them to use. *Bows*
NOW! On to the DP!......I believe a long talk in in order. She's only said she's going to stop running. Doesn't mean she's got a full scale war in mind, just some sort of revenge/rebellion, or maybe not even that. But, all that aside, I think she needs to asses her companions. She'll want to know everyhting. If she's to trust them, she needs to know how loyal they will be, why they would be so, and what can the contribute to her goals. Falling to a knee like that is a good sign, but you never know. They need to spill, and spill now. As a princess, I figure there should be at least a little well of authority she can call upon to at least make her feel like she's not just some helpless girl, and the princess she's meant to be!
Well, there's my 2 cents. Keep up the good work!
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 9:47 pm Post subject: Re: I Think....... |
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| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | | But, all that aside, I think she needs to asses her companions. |
Ah.... Its ASSESS. Asses are something else, Pope
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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BAAAAHAHAHA!!!
sorry for the delay everyone. new job. it's been crazy. but i love it =) new chapters will be up here and in Color TONIGHT.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:50 am Post subject: Poll |
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Does everyone see the polling here?
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 3:51 am Post subject: |
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Oops... I caused a tie. 
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| i'm so sorry guys...i was gone out of the country for 2 weeks & now i'm in the hospital...it's been a bit nuts around here. =P i'll try to get something up since my fiance brought me my laptop. again...sorry for delays!
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:17 pm Post subject: Post |
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You'll have your hands full with that one. A three way tie
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:47 am Post subject: |
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It WAS a two way tie... I levelled it
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| Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:50 am Post subject: |
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thank you SO much, Vikas...  hahaha!! it shouldnt be a problem. i think i'll actually mostly revert to the original on this one since the original falls to all 3 eventually. thanks for your patience guys. the doctors are hoping i'll get to go home tomorrow. =P
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| Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:21 am Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: | | thank you SO much, Vikas... Roll |
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| Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:28 pm Post subject: Ch. 3 pt 1 |
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sorry again for the massive delay on this chappie. for that, instead of having a DP at the end of this one, i'm going to post another chappie in quick succession. the DP for the last chapter was a 3 way tie between going to find the eldest, getting help, and finding Barden & Spade's loyalty. all three will be addressed here, but it will be a softer turn. see what you think!
*****
“Well then,” Spade stood to his feet as well, “we’d better get some rest. It’s a long way to Darbinshire.”
Andolyn looked at him in horror. “NO! I couldn’t possibly ask that of you! You’ve done so much for me already.”
To end her protests, Barden grabbed her into another bear hug. “We went over this already, Princess. You’re ours now, and that means we keep you safe.”
Andolyn buried her face in Barden’s warm shoulder, enjoying the embrace.
“Besides!” Spade laughed, “My face is plastered right alongside yours on every wanted poster from here to Handunburg!”
“Then Darbinshire it is!” Andolyn laughed too in disbelief. “We can go through Bridlestrom. It’s the shortest distance between the here and there.” Andolyn knew there was one there who could answer some questions as well.
“You know, I have an old friend there in Darbinshire,” Spade pondered as he prepared for a restful evening. “A blacksmith...He’s the one who dreamed up my friends here,” he said, fondly flipping a few of his cards over in his hands.
Andolyn nodded then went to Barden who was gingerly removing his shirt. “Let me see that,” she ordered. The princess frowned as she ran her elegant fingers over the still bleeding wound on the musician’s chest. “Stay right here.” With that, she disappeared into the woods behind them only to reemerge moments later with several strange looking leaves clutched in her hand. She knelt before Barden and crushed the leaves between her palms. “This is an old trick a good friend of mine in Bridlestrom taught me. It might sting a little bit.”
After wiping away the blood from his well defined chest, Andolyn gently rubbed the ointment from the leaves over the wound, and Barden winced. Andolyn ripped a piece of cloth from her cloak and wrapped it around his upper torso.
“There. That should do,” Andolyn smiled up at Barden.
“Alright kiddos,” Spade’s smooth voice came from behind them. “I’m taking first watch,” he looked at the two on the ground like a parent addresses disobedient children when they tried to argue. “You are hurt,” he pointed to Barden, “and you, little Miss, are royalty, so you’ll take my tent.”
Andolyn glared at him then laughed when he glared right back. Barden didn’t offer much complaint, but instead he obediently entered his tent and was fast asleep within minutes. Andolyn, on the other hand, lingered outside with Spade.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” She stood next to him and joined him in staring up at the starry sky. “I hate to be inconvenient…”
“Yes, Princess,” he took her thin shoulders in his hands, looking directly into her eyes. “I will be just fine,” he promised, “Look what a beautiful roof I’ll have to sleep under tonight!”
Andolyn wrapped her arms around Spade, and he gladly returned the gesture. She then turned and quickly kissed his cheek.
“What was that for?” Spade asked, taken slightly off guard.
“That was for being one of the best friends I have in this world,” Andolyn replied before giving him one more small squeeze and turning to go to his tent. Just before she closed the flap she poked her head out and whispered, “Goodnight, Spade.”
“Sweet dreams, Princess,” came the whispered reply as Spade settled himself against a fallen log for the first watch.
Andolyn was overwhelmed by the events of the last day. It began with her running for her life as so many days had begun for her over the last year and a half, and it ended with her lying in a tent, being cared for by two of the most incredible men she could ever have dreamed to meet. She knew she didn’t deserve anything they had done for her, and that made her love them all the more. Two large tears of joy rolled off Andolyn’s face and onto the pillow as the princess drifted to sleep with the sounds of Barden’s soft snoring and Spade’s even softer humming serenading her into those sweet dreams she had thought were gone forever.
*****
Chapter 3: Scratch That…To Bridlestrom!
“WHAT??” Prince Radan was furious. “You let her escape AGAIN??" He rubbed his forehead impatiently. “Bring Roselyn to me,” he hissed, “if anyone in this blasted place knows where she’s headed, it’s that girl.”
Roselyn entered the room with her hands on her hips and a smug grin on her porcelain face. “What do you want?” she demanded impatiently, “If you’re wanting me to tell you about Andolyn, I haven’t heard from her in weeks, and I have no idea where she’s going or what she’s doing. Really, Radan, you need a hobby. You’re getting to be predictable.” Roselyn settled herself into the prince’s chair. “And what about your pet, Willand? Can’t he find her? He’s supposedly the assassin of assassins, yet one teenage girl is able to outwit him? Tisk tisk…”
“Don’t you dare talk to me like that...And get out of my chair!!” Radan turned on her in a rage. “I’m the future king of Ardara, you know!”
Roselyn yawned, hiding the laugh that glittered in her chocolate eyes. “In case you’ve forgotten, Radan, your bride happens to be missing,” he turned, glaring at her, but she continued as if she didn’t notice, “And that means you are no longer in the running for king—your little brother is. Do you know what that makes me, Radan? That makes me your future Queen. So, yes, I may speak to you however I wish.” With that, Princess Roselyn stood, flipped her short golden curls in Radan’s direction and made her way to the door. “If you have nothing of interest to talk to me about, I will be going.”Radan strode towards her as if to start speaking, but before he could, Roselyn was out the door. “Good day, Radan!”
The furious prince stood, speechless and fuming, but utterly harmless. Roselyn glided down the corridor, leaving several servants who had been listening at the door giggling as they went about their business.
*****
Spade started awake as the sun crested the trees. Dangit, I fell asleep! He thought frantically as he looked sleepily around the camp. He was soon hit with the scent of meat cooking…and was that eggs? Upon trying to get up, Spade found that one of his thick blankets had been thrown over him. It was warm and comfortable, so he decided to stay put. Wait, since when had sleeping on a log been comfortable? Would you look at that? A pillow too? Now he was curious. Spade sat up and turned around. Andolyn was leaned over a roaring fire, busily flipping something in one of Barden’s frying pans. Upon hearing him stir, the princess turned with a bright smile.
“Morning!” she said happily. “Breakfast is almost ready. I was just about to wake Barden.”
“Barden’s awake,” the taller of the two men stretched as he came out of his tent. “That glorious smell woke me.” He sat eagerly across from Andolyn, and in the now usual fashion, Spade sat next to her.
“I found a nest in the forest,” Andolyn’s smile couldn’t have been bigger, “And the rabbits are everywhere!”
“You went in the forest alone?” Barden scolded.
“Relax, I didn’t have to go far,” the princess’s mood would not be tainted.
The trio ate in silence aside from the frequent compliments from both of the hungry males in the party. When they’d finished, they sat watching the strange crimson clouds fill the sky.
“Hmm…” Spade frowned, “Strange weather.” Andolyn rolled her eyes.
“Eh, It’s only Rocas,” she sighed heavily. “He must be in one of his moods. When he gets upset, everything around him shifts to meet his mood.” She thought for a moment. “I’ll just bet he has a stomach ache again. Yeah, I can see it now…he’s shuffling into Roselyn’s room (he’s the only thing that can manipulate Roselyn) and he’s looking at her with those big, blue, puppy dog eyes, and she’s probably stroking his hair to make her ‘honey bunches’ feel better…”
It was at this point that the two young men listening, who Andolyn had actually forgotten for the moment, could no longer control their laughter.
“Honey Bunches??” Barden gasped.
“Never again will I be intimidated by that boy!!” Spade was in tears.
Andolyn laughed with them, and for the first time in a long time, she forgot why she was running in the first place. She didn’t remember the fear of what was pursuing her, and in that moment, it didn’t matter. She was just a teenage girl laughing alongside two of her best friends just like any normal teenage girl would be doing. That was just the thing though: Andolyn wasn’t just a normal teenage girl, and the dangers that followed her weren’t as simple as a whining boy and an annoying past, they were real and terrifying…but thanks to two young men and the comfort and protection they provided her, in that moment—for Andolyn Grace—that’s all her nightmares were: Petty annoyances.
“So Spade,” Barden looked to his long time friend. “That was an awfully long first shift.” Spade’s sheepish grin sent the message clearly. He never intended for there to be a second shift. Andolyn laughed then sighed, leaning her head back on the log.
“I’m just going to bet you were the one to donate the pillow and blankets, “Spade shoved her lightly. Andolyn nodded proudly.
The three lay lazily in the grass for a few moments before Andolyn remembered.
“Barden, let me change your bandages.”
“I’m pretty sure there isn’t much to change,” he said, pulling at the knot in the cloth. “I’m a quick healer, and whatever it was you put on there worked wonders.”
While Spade busied himself with packing, Andolyn filled a pot with water from a nearby stream and heated it over the fire. She unwrapped the binding she had made and examined the wound. Barden was right. Only a short red mark remained where the open wound had been the night before. Never the less, Andolyn cleaned it and reapplied a dressing.
When the girl had finished her “fussing over him” as he referred to it, Barden gently grabbed Andolyn’s left hand. He frowned; the cloth they had placed over the cut only last night was completely soaked in blood—fresh blood. Andolyn smiled nervously.
“Must be an infection,” she offered quietly.
Barden pulled away the bandages carefully. His frown deepened. Andolyn wanted to reach up and smooth the deep creases that hovered over those bottomless blue eyes. Barden continued to turn the girl’s hand back and forth. This caught Spade’s attention.
“What’s wrong?” he looked over Andolyn’s shoulder.
“I’m not sure,” Barden admitted.
“I’m fine, really,” Andolyn pulled her hand back and walked toward the forest. Spade drew in a breath and held it while he and Barden exchanged meaningful glances. He released the air in the form of a sigh then continued with the tents. Andolyn returned through the trees. She threw some herbs into the heated water and stirred the mixture. After pulling it off the fire and letting it cool for a moment, she dipped her injured hand into the water. She frowned, inhaling quickly as the water stung the wound. “It doesn’t hurt all that bad…” she commented to the onlookers. Andolyn struggled to tie the new piece of cloth around her hand while a fresh round of blood began quickly pouring from the cut.
“Here,” Spade dropped the blanket he was folding and took her hand and the cloth.
“I don’t like this, Princess,” Barden continued to frown while his graceful friend tied a small knot atop Andolyn’s slender hand. The girl went and crouched in front of Barden so they were at eye level from where he sat. She peered directly into his sapphire eyes with her emerald ones when she spoke.
“I am fine, Barden.” Her smile convinced him more than her words, though he still wasn’t completely sure he was ready to concede the argument. “Come on. Let’s help Spade get packed up.”
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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Wonderful to see some progress here Good tension builder in her injury there... I take it we're talking about some trace poison perhaps? Oh, and did you mean there to be a DP yet or after the next post? Quite interesting methodology being employed to end a chapter and begin another before ending with a DP - addresses some complaints voiced before about how chapters here seem to always have to end on cliffhangers. This method challenges that but also challenges our concept of 'chapters' in storygames, which isn't a bad thing.
The writing was excellent... very well edited and nicely paced. No complaints. The whole story grows with deeper intrigue. Well done and looking forward to more
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:26 am Post subject: |
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This was really really good....
I guess it WAS worth the wait after all... Im pretty amazed at how Andolyn is bleeding without a visible wound though.. anyway, looking forward to more
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:17 am Post subject: Ch. 3 pt 2 |
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aaaas promised! and this one's really long too, so it should keep you all busy for awhile.
*****
Within the hour, Spade, Barden, and Andolyn were off again. This time the journey would be shorter, however, the destination was far more perilous. From the well hidden clearing in which our heroes took refuge, Bridlestrom was a distance that on horseback would take an afternoon unless one was in a particular hurry, and traveling to Darbinshire would take a little over an hour from Bridlestrom. Our trio, however, was not in any particular hurry, and they would arrive in Bridlestrom late in the evening. The journey was relatively uneventful and was filled with Barden’s lively singing and Spade’s magic tricks that made Andolyn giggle like a child.
As the sun began sinking low in the evening sky, the peculiarly red clouds released buckets of chilling rain on the unsuspecting travelers. Andolyn’s & Spade’s matching golden hair turned the ebony color of Barden’s as they now had a reason for that particular hurry. Andolyn raised her hands and laughed aloud as the rain splashed with a thousand tiny kisses on her upturned cheeks. Barden and Spade couldn’t help the smiles that reflected from their warmed hearts as they observed the princess’s pure and seemingly inextinguishable joy.
*****
The streets of Bridlestrom were a soggy mess. The rain had beaten them there, and it seemed that it planned on staying for awhile. Bridlestrom was a seafaring town that had been the main centre of trade in Ardara for centuries. Rain was a common occurrence, which explained the ruts in the washed out roadways. Since Andolyn was most familiar with the small town, she led the way through the rows of cottage like buildings. At the end of one of the longer streets was a dirt road that led away from what would be the busier area and into a lightly wooded set of houses. Warm, cozy lights poured from the windows. As the soaked trio rode closer, a door opened and the figure of a tall man stood bathed in light.
“Good evening, Kayne!” Andolyn called cheerily through her chattering teeth.
“Andy??” the young man called back, now running forward. He helped the girl down from her mount then whistled for the stable boy as Barden and Spade dismounted and stood next to Andolyn uncertainly. “What in Heaven’s name are you doing here?” he took the girl by the shoulders and motioned to her friends. “Come inside before you catch pneumonia!”
“Who’s that, Kayne?” called a female voice. The tall man hurried off into what appeared to be the kitchen while Andolyn, Barden, and Spade stood dripping in the hallway. The smell of chicken and pumpkin pie made the boys’ stomachs rumble. Andolyn giggled.
“That’s Kayne; he’s my oldest cousin,” She smiled brightly. “You’re about to meet my family!” About that time, a thin, older woman with glasses came around the corner with Kayne on her heels.
“What are you doing here??” She fretted, “Don’t you know that wicked prince has every soldier in his army looking for you?”
“And why would he look for me here?” Andolyn countered, “Why would I hide in such an obvious location?” Just then, Spade shivered violently.
“Oh, dear,” the woman took his arm and dragged him into a large den, forgetting the almost argument she was having with her niece. She placed Spade in front of a roaring fire. Barden and Andolyn happily joined him. “Now then, you dears need anything, you just let ol’ Sissy know.” She smiled warmly then embraced Andolyn. “I am glad you’ve come home.” She wiped the tears from her eyes as she hurried out of the room back to the kitchen. Just then, another, more boisterous voice came down the hallway.
“When’s supper gonna be ready? I’ve got two hungry girls in here about to eat your pillows!!” Andolyn flashed her pearly teeth when she recognized the voice.
“It’s my cousin, Ciara,” she explained.
Barden and Spade glanced at each other, not knowing what to expect next. A sturdily built woman, merely a few years older than the princess rounded the corner and entered the den. She, like Andolyn was blonde though her hair was pulled back in an attractive style that suited her well. She couldn’t be considered small, but the young men perceived her to be very beautiful. She emanated an aura of fun and independence, and it was this quality that Barden found to be particularly attractive about her. “Well, hello there! What a surprise!!” she said when she spotted Andolyn. “When did you get here?”
Andolyn’s eyes glittered excitedly, “We got here a few minutes ago.” She ran forward and wrapped her arms around the woman.
“Wait,” Andolyn’s cousin eyed her suspiciously, “we?” It was then that she spied the two damp young men by the fire. “Well…hello there…” she winked at Andolyn who laughed aloud.
“These are my friends, Barden and Spade,” Andolyn went and stood next to them. Before the two could greet Ciara, another, much taller woman entered the room. She was thinner and had the same strikingly blonde hair as Ciara though hers had a much shorter cut to it. She too had a stunning beauty about her that seemed to Barden and Spade to be a pattern among the women of this household.
Squirming in the new woman’s arms was a small, dark haired, completely naked girl. The tall woman released the nude child who squealed with excitement as she ran around the room.
“That, I believe, belongs to you. I have to run catch mine before they burn the place down,” the newcomer pointed at the child before turning and exiting as quickly as she came.
“That’s my sister, Leane,” Ciara explained. “And this,” she grabbed the child as she made a pass around that side of the room, “is my daughter, Ava. She isn’t a fan of clothing.” Andolyn’s grin remained as big as her companions had ever seen. Ciara motioned to the couches beside them, “make yourselves comfortable, we’ll get you set up with some food and a warm bed here shortly.” Without another word, she, too, disappeared from the room leaving Barden, Andolyn, and Spade alone once more in the first moment of calm since they had entered the little house.
“Welcome to my family!” Andolyn shrugged sheepishly. Spade reclined on one of the couches with a satisfied smirk. Barden sat by the princess and began to play a relaxing tune on a guitar he found leaning on the wall. He also wore a happy smile that told Andolyn everything was perfect. Even the chaos they could hear coming from the kitchen just seemed to fit and add another bright touch to the place, but Andolyn waited impatiently to show her friends the most special person in the house. This person was responsible for bringing all the others together, and it was this person who projected the love that very literally glowed through every hallway and room. That person was in the back bedroom, but as always was in the forefront of Andolyn’s mind. That person was her grandmother.
*****
After eating until they were sure they would explode, Barden, Andolyn, and Spade sat staring at the fire. Andolyn stood and stretched.
“If you gentlemen will forgive me, I’m going to bathe. Make yourselves at home, and I will return shortly,” with that, she was gone.
Spade and Barden sat awkwardly on the couch. After Andolyn had been absent for a few moments, a burly little boy toddled into the room.
“Hey, little guy,” Barden held out his arms to the curly haired baby. Grinning, the boy was more than happy to take Barden up on his offer, though Barden was taken off guard by the child’s density. “Wow,” he marveled. Spade laughed.
From behind the couch, suddenly popped Ciara’s now fully clothed daughter. Without waiting for an invitation, the small girl climbed into Spade’s lap.
“I’m Myra,” the girl announced. “Who you?”
“Anthony Jenkins, Milady,” Spade took the child’s hand and kissed it lightly. “You may call me Spade.” Myra giggled. Just then, another girl, roughly Myra’s age, poked her head around the couch before quickly occupying Spade’s other knee.
This girl’s hair was the same golden blonde of many of the family’s women. Spade
repeated his introduction for the new girl.
“I Shaylee,” both girls covered their faces and giggled some more.
“Well, well, Spade,” teased Barden as he bounced the hefty toddler on his knee,
“Looks like you’re quite the ladies’ man!”
“Don’t be jealous!” Spade said smugly as he hugged the small girls to his sides.
“That’s my brother,” Shaylee declared, pointing to the curly headed child squealing on Barden’s knee. Soon, another, dark headed boy was eyeing Barden’s free leg.
“That’s Jax,” Myra informed them.
“Well, come on then,” Barden pulled the new one onto his lap. He looked at Spade, “I hope there aren’t too many more of these; I’m out of knees.” Barden was grateful that this boy was much thinner than the other. Spade glanced up to see Andolyn, now holding another hefty baby boy as she leaned against the doorway. The girl now wore a soft, floor length dress made of cotton. She laughed at the scene that had unfolded in her absence.
“I see you’ve made some new friends,” Her brilliant smile matched the sparkle in her emerald eyes. She sat in a rocking chair across from the couch full of people.
The pre-toddler in her lap leaned on Andolyn’s chest as she hummed a soft lullaby.
During a pause in her song, Andolyn’s cousin Ciara poked her head around the corner.
“There’s someone who wants to see you,” she smiled at Andolyn. The girl stood gracefully and handed the child to her cousin before running down the hallway. Ciara planted herself in the rocker where the princess had been. “That’s a special girl in there,” she stated. “She’s come through a lot.”
Spade nodded; his smile turned to a soft frown.
“We guessed that,” Barden’s tone was melancholy.
“She actually fell in love with him, you know,” Ciara’s downcast eyes, were as clear as Andolyn’s, only honey brown; they spoke far louder than the woman’s words. “He was her ‘Prince Charming’, and she adored him…” she trailed off, staring into the fire. “At first, we all were so happy, but the more we watched him, the more obviously different they both became. He’s a playboy. Andy wants a family. She’s a dreamer, and he’s satisfied with the way things are.”
Becoming bored, one by one, the children toddled off to other parts of the house. Spade and Barden listened intently while Ciara continued. “We all knew he wasn’t good enough for her, but she was blinded. Some of the things she put up with—I would have been gone long before she gave up. She loved him though, and she remained beside him for a long time. I don’t know what happened; she won’t even tell me, but I know she has good reason for her secrets.” The two young men nodded. Their Princess was courageous—taking on this task alone rather than endangering her family. “She doesn’t show her pain much, and only to people she trusts when she does. She’s always been fragile, so she tries to be tough. Andy’s had it hard from the time she was little with her health…now this…I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear my going on…”
“No,” Barden encouraged her, “We’ve only been travelling with the princess for a couple of days; it’s nice to learn a thing or two about her.” Ciara smiled.
“She’s the baby of all of us cousins…” Ciara’s expression was distant, remembering some fond memory of the past. “She’s the only one of us that’s adopted; she was brought here when she was a baby, but she’s one of us. Always has been.”
“She didn’t tell us she was adopted,” Spade spoke up for the first time. “She just refers to you all as her family.”
“Well,” Ciara’s smile grew larger, “that’s what we are.”
At that moment, Andolyn appeared in the doorway, her eyes twinkled in the reflected light of the fire. “Come on, guys!” she beamed, “there’s someone I want you to meet.” Barden and Spade were on their feet immediately. They followed the girl to the end of the hallway where a small bedroom opened up to the left. Inside, there was of course a bed, and beside it in a rocking chair sat a woman of about seventy years of age. Her eyes were identical to Andolyn’s. If they had not just been told otherwise by Ciara, they would have thought the two to be directly related. The bright sparkle in those eyes mixed with the laugh that rang through the room washed over them with a wave of warmth and love. It was easy to see the profound influence this person had had on the young woman.
“Come in! Come in!” the aged woman laughed. “My little Andy speaks very highly of you two.”
Spade bowed low and Barden did the same, but the woman, like her granddaughter, would have none of that.
“Ah-Ah-Ah!” she scolded. “I’m Grandma to you two, and you don’t bow to a grandma; you hug her.” Both young men gladly did as they were told. Andolyn, beaming once again, had placed herself comfortably across from the woman on the large bed and motioned for her friends to do likewise.
When they were seated comfortably, and after Grandma gave each of them a piece of candy, she asked them about their journey. She listened intently as Andolyn (who did most of the talking) vividly described the trip so far. Her musical laugh would grace them every time something amused her. Andolyn couldn’t help but elaborate the heroics of her friends ever so slightly, but Barden noticed that she conveniently left out the part about her hand. The truth was, Andolyn had forgotten it. In the warmth and happiness of being with her family again, the sting of the prince’s wound didn’t cross the girl’s mind. When she had finished, Grandma talked for awhile. Mostly she spoke about the great-grandbabies and their antics, but also about true love and her experiences as a young woman. It was these very talks that had shaped much of the way Andolyn perceived the world. Though they had been conversing for hours, it seemed to the travelers to have been but a short time. Then Grandma paused. She looked at Andolyn with a frown.
“Doll, what’s that on your knee?” the aged woman’s sparkle dimmed ever so slightly. Andolyn looked down. Blood from her hand had seeped through the bandages again though this time it was worse than before.
“I must have spilled something during dinner…excuse me…” Andolyn stood and quickly exited the room. Spade and Barden frowned at one another. Spade nodded then stood and followed the girl. Barden stayed with Grandma, and after an awkward pause, she continued talking. She told Barden several stories of the princess’s not-so-elegant life before the castle that made him laugh.
“…one time, when Andolyn was very small, her pajamas were dirty, so she was wearing one of her grandpa’s white shirts. For her, it was a dress. Well, there was a mirror hanging in the hallway. She could see herself, and in the sweetest little voice she said, ‘I am just a little angel, aren’t I?’” the old woman paused to laugh. “She wasn’t being proud; she was just saying what was true! Just…just sweet,” she smiled at Barden. He too couldn’t help but smile. He pictured a little girl with blonde curls twirling in front of a tall mirror, imagining little wings from her shoulder blades. “And that’s why she’s my little Angel.”
*****
Spade found Andolyn on the front porch. She was leaned protectively over her injured hand. As he came closer, to his horror, Spade could see the blood that Andolyn was attempting to catch in her good hand. When she heard him approaching, Andolyn looked up with tears in her eyes.
“It hurts,” she confessed, “and just when everything was going so well.” Spade felt like crying himself though he hid it well. He examined her hand quickly before grabbing a handkerchief to wrap it with. They needed to stop the bleeding.
“Is there a physician here?” he asked in a hushed tone.
“Yes,” her reply was barely audible. “Down at the port.” Spade looked out through the rain as if expecting to see someone coming to help.
“Alright,” he sighed, hiding his almost frantic thoughts from the already frightened girl. “Let’s go get Barden and you show us where this doctor is.” He put his arm around the girl and led her back through the house.
“Wait,” Andolyn went into a small room on the right of the hallway. Spade stood in the doorway watching her. This room had belonged to her. The walls were a light shade of sea foam blue with a beautiful seascape painted as a mural along one of them. Spade guessed correctly that it was the Princess’s handy work. He watched as the girl hurriedly shoved a few changes of clothing and some other small things into a bag. She then disappeared into a small side room for a moment before emerging in a plain cotton shirt and a pair of worn blue jeans. Her long hair was now tied in a mess of curls. Andolyn nodded to him then grabbed a long, heavy coat with a hood. The two made their way to the back bedroom.
“…and that’s why she’s my little angel,” Grandma was just finishing a story.
“I’m so sorry, Grandma, but we have to be going.” Andolyn pretended nothing was wrong.
“So late?” the aged woman looked concerned.
“I’m afraid so,” Andolyn continued.
“There’s someone we simply must see tonight,” Spade covered for her with the most charming smile he could muster.
While Andolyn embraced her grandmother, Spade motioned to Barden then held up the bloodstained cloth he had removed from the girl’s hand. Barden stood solemnly, and with quick goodbyes to the rest of the family and promises of returning soon, the trio headed back out into the chilling rain.
*****
What's happening now?? are we going ahead with the plan to go to the doctor or does Andolyn stay behind with her family while the boys go? other options?
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Tikanni Corazon
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:51 am Post subject: |
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Ah, here's the dp. ;P
Another very good chapter, Andi! A small break from the action, and into a much cozier, familiar setting that I think Andolyn needs right now. Loved the part where her family were being introduced. It was very well done, and it just had such a warm feel to it.
For the dp, I have to say, I'd like spend a little more time with her family before running off again. As Spade's face is also known, and likely Barden's now too, I think they should entrust the information to another member of Andolyn's family and they can go get the doctor. Maybe Kayne. He's a local, and knows his way around. If Andolyn doesn't want to worry the rest of her family, he will likely respect her wishes, and quite possibly agree with her on them. As much as I hate to admit it, we women aren't overly good at keeping such things to ourselves, especially if we're worried.
So send Kayne to get the doc, while Andolyn remains there. Though maybe they should prepare to scarper, just in case the doctor himself can't be trusted to keep quiet.
Looking forward to the next one already, Andi!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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| BUMP!! no one seems to have opinions on this one...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:18 am Post subject: |
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siiiince i only got one reply to this DP...i think i'll go ahead with another chappie. enjoy!
*****
Spade held Andolyn's elbow as he steered her out of the house and into the pouring rain. He felt the girl trembling in his hands. She was losing strength fast. He locked gazes with Barden.
The message was clearly received by the tall musician. Spade's eyes were clear and intense. He was worried, as Barden had never seen his friend worry.
On the way to the stables, the trio met Kayne, dark, and dripping wet. He looked puzzled at the sight of them.
"Where are you going?" he spotted Andolyn's hand. "What's wrong?" he demanded.
Barden sighed before giving Kayne a brief synopsis of the encounter with the soldiers in the meadow. "...she needs to see a doctor," he finished.
Kayne grabbed his "little cousin"s hand, frowning. "Bring her in here," he motioned to the stables, "I'll bring Damien." With that, he was gone.
The three of them stood in the rain for a moment, staring after the dark man as he rode away. Andolyn shivered. Her vision was steadily becoming cloudy, though she couldn't tell if it was from the rain hitting the hot ground or just her eyes. If it weren't for Spade's strong grip on her arm, the princess would have wondered if she were standing up or falling.
In truth, Andolyn had begun to fall. As she collapsed, Spade pulled her onto himself and attempted to remain standing with her in his arms.
"Barden!!" he cried. The musician instantly scooped the princess up and ran into the stables where there was a bench over by a wall. Spade, blood smeared on his shirt, followed silently.
"I hope Kayne gets here quickly..." Barden's concern was masked, but his fear was rising to a point where he was sure he'd choke on it.
Ten excruciating minutes passed before Kayne returned. During that time, Andolyn had turned ghostly white and was barely breathing. Blood poured from the newly reopened cut on the back of her left hand, and Barden was beginning to get frantic. He kept his thoughts to himself, but he could barely stand to look at the girl lying beside him looking cold as death.
Finally, Kayne reappeared with an older gentleman behind him. The man was tall and graying with a close cut beard circling his chin. Glasses were a barrier to his piercing grey eyes. He took one look at the girl on the bench before turning and walking back towards the door. Over his shoulder, he called,
"Bring her to my office, she needs more than I can give her here," here he turned to Kayne. "You stay here. Keep the image with your family that nothing's wrong. Don't want to go worrying that jewel of a grandmother of yours." Kayne nodded and retreated. Barden and Spade hurriedly packed up the horses, Spade placing Andolyn's new belongings on her horse, and they followed the old doctor down to his portside home and office.
*****
“Gawain, it’s absolutely perfect!” the prince was absolutely thrilled with himself, sitting down to dine. His guard stood beside him, listening in disgust and horror as his master droned on and on about his brilliance. “By now, she will have reached the bleeding phase. The wound will try to cleanse itself by getting rid of any liquid around it. For her, it will be painful and uncomfortable, but she will survive this portion of the illness. The next will be a period of latency during which, the wound will appear to heal. She might even forget she was hurt in the first place, foolish girl, but just when she thinks she will get over it, the most deadly phase will strike! Ah, Gawain, it’s sheer genius!”
“Is there an antidote?” the soldier ventured to ask.
"Oh of course there is!” the prince’s chuckle made Gawain uncomfortable. The arrogant prince patted his chest, revealing the antidote’s location, “but I’m the only one who possesses it, and that is part of the beauty! You see, her ignorant little friends can try all they want to protect her from my men, but I’ve gotten to her already! HAHA! She is dying inside and there is nothing they can do to save her!”
Gawain could take no more. He excused himself from the room and almost ran down the long corridor; all the way he could hear the prince’s sick laughter. It was up to him now. Gawain would have to find a way to steal that antidote and get it to the young men that protected the princess if she would live through the next few months.
*****
When Andolyn opened her eyes, she was laying in the softest bed she had been privileged with in a long time. She looked around and saw simple decorations—mostly scientific charts and one framed page from an ancient copy of the Bible—and piles of “organized clutter” that seemed oddly familiar to her, but it was when she looked down to her sides that Andolyn smiled softly. She ran her hand through Spade’s golden hair on her left and Barden’s thick ebony locks on her right.
“They’ve been there since they brought you in. It was hard to work with their constant hovering. They finally fell asleep about an hour ago.” Andolyn sat up to see the owner of the new voice, careful not to wake her sleeping guardians. “You were merely suffering from some slight blood loss from that nasty gash on your hand. A few stitches and some rest and here you are, good as new, but you try convincing those two of that...” A bearded, middle aged man sat in a recliner in the corner watching the girl intently.
“Dr. Damien!” Andolyn greeted her childhood physician and teacher.
“Hello, Andolyn,” them man reciprocated her salutation. “I would hug you, but I wouldn’t want to risk waking your guard dogs,” he smiled. Andolyn fondly stroked the young men’s hair.
“No,” she whispered, “let them rest. They deserve it.”
“Indeed, I was surprised last night to be awakened at such an uncouth hour by your cousin dragging me out into the rain. Imagine my surprise when I found you in the barn with two young men hovering over you; the dark headed one would barely let me get close enough to treat you when we got here.”
“They’ve gone through a lot these past couple of days to protect me,” Andolyn blushed faintly, “you must understand, they don’t trust many people without proof of loyalty.”
“Very understandable,” the man in the corner agreed, “and when you are the subject of their protection, I would see it as an admirable quality in them to be certain.” The doctor looked intently at the girl before speaking again. “You should rest some more; you look much better, but you’re still very pale. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen getting a cup of tea.” Andolyn nodded before lying back down and drifting back into a deep sleep.
*****
Later in the night, Barden and Spade shared a pot of coffee with Damien.
“She will be alright,” Spade’s voice was quiet and troubled, “right, Doctor?”
Damien opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a terrified scream from the back bedroom. Weapons in hand, Barden and Spade bounded down the hallway to where Andolyn’s screams continued to resound.
Barden busted through the door and ran straight to Andolyn. Spade scoured the room for intruders, looking inside and out the window to the streets outside. Andolyn was fast asleep. Her nightmares, however, had transferred to reality. Barden held her shoulders firmly even as she fought him.
“Andolyn!” He shook her gently. “Andolyn!!” The girl’s eyes flew open, filled with tears. “It’s alright, Andy, I’ve got you.” She threw her arms around Barden’s neck and began to sob openly; she was frantic.
“He was there!” she sobbed, “I could see him! He was sneaking up on you and Spade. There was nothing I could do,” Barden held Andolyn’s trembling form.
Spade looked on from where he leaned against the wall. Andolyn was strikingly pale. He couldn’t explain the sadness he felt as he watched his friend hold the princess. He didn’t have to guess who was haunting her nightmares. How could they have thought she felt nothing about the man that had haunted her in reality for so long? Well, that smile of hers made it easy for them to forget she ever felt anything but happiness. Spade guessed that sadness also held a twinge of guilt that he hadn’t taken care of Willand when he’d had the chance. In his mind, he had done this to her.
Soon, Andolyn had fallen asleep once again, and Barden laid her gently back on her pillow. Spade brushed his hand across her face before he and Barden made their way back to the table where Damien waited for them.
“I saw she was alright, and didn’t guess you needed my help,” the man sipped his coffee thoughtfully.
“She was having a nightmare,” Barden’s voice was downcast. Damien only nodded. “It was about a man we encountered when we first met, but she’s been dealing with him for much longer.”
“Willand,” Damien nodded with a scowl.
“She’s frightened of him…and with good reason.” Spade flopped down in his chair. “It’s going to be a long night.”
*****
When Andolyn woke again, sunlight poured through the open window that looked out over the harbor. The two young men were nowhere to be seen. She sat on the end of the bed for a moment watching the ships sail in and out. There was a soft knock at her door.
“Princess?” Barden’s warm voice was muffled through the heavy wooden door.
“Come in,” Andolyn said as she stretched, “I’m awake.” The door creaked open, and Barden entered quietly. After shutting the door he sat next to the princess.
“You worried us last night,” he didn’t mind admitting.
“I’m sorry,” Andolyn apologized.
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” he looked straight into her dulled, sunken eyes. The pale, sickly look of the princess’s face along with the dark orbs beneath her eyes created an image that made Barden shudder. “You look awful,” he said as he pulled her head gently to his chest in an awkward embrace.
Andolyn sighed; she could easily fall asleep this way. The princess felt a cool hand on her shoulder as Barden loosened his hold on her. She sat up to see Spade standing before her.
“Are you alright?” the hours of worry were evident in his soft voice. Andolyn leaned forward, and Spade wrapped his arms around her. He rested his cheek on the top of her head.
“Yes,” Andolyn answered. From where she continued to sit with her face on Spade’s shoulder, the princess reached over and took hold of Barden’s hand.
“Thank you.”
“I’ve made pancakes if you boys are hungry,” Doctor Damien’s voice came from the open door. “It isn’t an option for you, Andy” he disappeared with a sly grin as the princess opened her mouth to protest. She sighed then stood reluctantly. Barden took hold of her elbow when she swayed.
“Still, a bit uneasy, I guess,” she sighed. With a smile, Spade took her other arm, and Andolyn’s loving heroes escorted her to breakfast.
When they entered the large kitchen, Dr. Aaron Damien was sitting comfortably at a long table with four steaming stacks of pancakes ready for himself and his guests. When they were seated and had appropriately thanked their host, Barden spoke to Andolyn.
“What’s on the agenda for today, Princess?”
“I think your ‘Princess’ might need one more day of resting before you continue with your plans,” it was Damien who answered. Spade, noting again Andolyn’s pale, fragile appearance had to agree with the doctor.
“We need to go buy some supplies,” the young thief suggested, “Andy could stay here with the doc while we take care of that…” he finished, looking to Damien for confirmation.
“Absolutely,” the bearded man’s smile was as warm as the newly risen sun on the rain soaked ground outside. Barden, though, was watching the princess. She sat staring blankly at her meal, the fork frozen in place in her delicate hand.
“Princess?” the young man reached across the table to take the girl’s hand. Andolyn started and looked at Barden as though he had woken her from a distant dream.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” her sweet voice was tiny in the vast silence as all three men watched her. Barden squeezed her hand.
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Barden scolded without any conviction. “Eat a little more then I think you should go back to sleep for awhile.” The princess nodded before raising her fork again.
The rest of the meal was spent in silence. When Andolyn had finished about half of her pancakes, she stood, kissed each of them on the cheek, and excused herself from the room.
The three men watched her disappear into the little room at the end of the hallway.
“She isn’t well, is she, Doctor?” Spade wondered aloud.
“She lost a lot of blood last night, lad,” Damien answered, “it will take several days for her to regain her full composure, but Andolyn has always been a fighter. She will be fine.”
“Is there nothing we can do?” Barden stared down the empty corridor.
“Pray for her,” Damien’s wise eyes studied the young men, “Pray for her, and stand by her; see that she has everything she needs. That’s all you can do.”
*****
After the delicious breakfast, Barden and Spade went to explore Bridlestrom. They passed row after row of shops and restaurants. This was definitely one of the main areas of commerce in Ardara. The young men knew they needed supplies, but they also knew they had no funds with which to pay for such supplies. Whenever before they had been in this predicament the young men had relied heavily on their talents: Barden’s musical abilities and Spade’s...abilities.
The two began by finding an open area where several people were milling around. Barden began to play a lively tune on his guitar and loudly welcomed any bystanders while Spade pulled out a deck of real cards. As was typical of one of the duo’s street shows, Spade was the initial act. After rolling his sleeves to the elbow, revealing a small tattoo just below the bend, he amused the increasingly large crowd with his card tricks: predicting people’s cards, flipping them in seemingly impossible ways through his nimble fingers, causing them to “disappear” only to turn up in the oddest places.
At one point, when a young man’s card was no longer in the pile Spade had just taken from the boy, he offered an explanation.
“You see,” he said coolly, “as I held the pile here in my hand, your card jumped up to my sleeve,” he traced the path as he spoke, “across the herculean pectorals, down my other arm, and into my pocket.” With that, he reached in said pocket and withdrew the missing card.
Coins flew from all directions, filling the small bag sitting at Barden’s feet. At the end of it all, Spade stunned them all by raising his hand and disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
Then it was Barden’s turn. As the astonished crowd recovered, he stood and began pacing through the crowd playing and singing familiar songs. While his clear, masculine voice filled the area, a circle of girls stood off to the side giggling madly, swooning over both the beautiful sound and his ruggedly handsome appearance. Eventually, several people began to dance. Spade took advantage of the people’s distraction to reenter the scene and pickpocket several unsuspecting “impromptu-party-goers,” filling the purse even more. The two young men complimented each other beautifully: Barden, with his captivating warmth and outgoing personality, Spade with his hypnotic elegance and subtle stealth. Together, they could accomplish anything--especially if “anything” involved monetary gain…
Just then, the crowd turned. The sounds of screaming filled the pavilion as a frantic group ran into the crowd.
“Radan’s men!!” one man gasped as he was questioned by the eager villagers.
“They’re raiding the Port District!”
“What do they want??” asked a frightened woman.
The Port District?? The meaning struck Barden and Spade at the same time. They looked at each other in horror. Andolyn. Someone must have informed the Prince of their arrival in Bridlestrom. Silently the two men stole out of sight then broke into a full run toward the doctor’s sea-front home.
*****
What are they going to do now? do they run out and fight off the soldiers? run for their lives and hope Damien gets Andolyn out? just go and scope things out? other options??
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Another fab chapter Andi! Very much enjoyed!
I have to say, Barden has very quickly become my favourite character, though I may have mentioned that before.
Okies, for the dp...Of course they're not going to leave it to chance! They have to go back for her, but do it sneakily. They don't want to alert the soldiers to her whereabouts. I think Spade is going to have to put some of his talent for stealth into action.
Looking forward to the next chapter already, and if anyone else has any sense they will catch up and do the same.
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:25 am Post subject: |
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I CANNOT believe I missed these chapters. I was thinking, "its been long since a chapter was put up here" and then I realized that I was an idiot :/
Anyway, I WILL give a proper suggestion within 2 days (I know...), and if I don't, bump this thread AND send me a PM to remind me.
_________________
The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:10 am Post subject: I think...... |
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A nice collection of chappys, but I have afew little things to fiddle with.
A lot of your writing seems to be filled with question and answer statements. Not actual questions, but. . . ."He thought this, which of corse was correct" kind of stuff. It gets a little tedious and makes many of the characters sound all knowing. You may want to work on tweaking that a bit and study some other sentance and paragraph structures. It all feels too "This and That" and seems more like a report then a story. It also takes out a lot of the tenstion when I hit these moments, and is more irritating then interesting.
Also, I may have forgotten this, but who is the Gawain who is suddenly in the palace and fighting for the princess? I may go back and find him in the previous chapters, but when he suddenly popped up in this chapter I was very confused.
And last little note, the way you're portraying the prince is not very in the groove with the way Andolyn seems to see him. He seems to be looked down upon by everyone rather then this terrifying monster she sees in him. He's more petulant child then overbearing tyrant. I think he needs some more evilness about him then a girl laughing at him and not knowing one of his guards is ploting against him. If he's going to be an evil badguy, he needs to BE an evil badguy, and NOT a child who just isn't getting his way.
If you spend a little more time showing the characters actions and thoughts, and less time just telling us about them, I think the story will definately improve. Things here seemed a little rushed in general. "This happend, then this, then that, and oh yeh, this too" Like a shopping list. . . . . .
Oki, sorry, done biting. DP. . . . .Make thier way to the Doc's hose, and if it isn't raided yet, sneak out quietly, on to a boat or something, and if it IS broken into, time for some slaying!!!!
Keep working at it Lyn-chan! Step outside your pre-written comfort zone and have at the newness!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:24 am Post subject: |
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I have to say, Pope, I got the feeling that the Prince treated Andolyn badly 'behind closed doors', not openly, so in my mind it made sense that others wouldn't see him with the same fear and loathing as Andolyn herself. And the other princess isn't going to fear him, as he can't actually do anything to her. She's his brothers bride-to-be, and it wouldn't be stood for if he were to hurt her. I think his evil will begin to emerge over the duration of the tale. It is still pretty close to the beginning after all.
I also think that a few positives could be given alongside the negatives here. The relationship between the three lead characters is very touching, and much of Andi's descriptive work is wonderful. The scenes in her family home in chapter three are some of my favourites throughout, and the interaction of the characters is very well done.
Not to say that you're not completely entitled to your opinion, hun, but I think that you have to give some positives alongside the negatives, or the author might lose heart in both their story and abilities, and this story has alot of promise. Just a thought.
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Lilith
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:50 am Post subject: Re: I think...... |
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| PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: | A nice collection of chappys, but I have afew little things to fiddle with.
A lot of your writing seems to be filled with question and answer statements. Not actual questions, but. . . ."He thought this, which of corse was correct" kind of stuff. It gets a little tedious and makes many of the characters sound all knowing. You may want to work on tweaking that a bit and study some other sentance and paragraph structures. It all feels too "This and That" and seems more like a report then a story. It also takes out a lot of the tenstion when I hit these moments, and is more irritating then interesting.
Also, I may have forgotten this, but who is the Gawain who is suddenly in the palace and fighting for the princess? I may go back and find him in the previous chapters, but when he suddenly popped up in this chapter I was very confused.
And last little note, the way you're portraying the prince is not very in the groove with the way Andolyn seems to see him. He seems to be looked down upon by everyone rather then this terrifying monster she sees in him. He's more petulant child then overbearing tyrant. I think he needs some more evilness about him then a girl laughing at him and not knowing one of his guards is ploting against him. If he's going to be an evil badguy, he needs to BE an evil badguy, and NOT a child who just isn't getting his way.
If you spend a little more time showing the characters actions and thoughts, and less time just telling us about them, I think the story will definately improve. Things here seemed a little rushed in general. "This happend, then this, then that, and oh yeh, this too" Like a shopping list. . . . . .
Oki, sorry, done biting. DP. . . . .Make thier way to the Doc's hose, and if it isn't raided yet, sneak out quietly, on to a boat or something, and if it IS broken into, time for some slaying!!!!
Keep working at it Lyn-chan! Step outside your pre-written comfort zone and have at the newness! |
Hey there Pope, hon. Just wanted to point out a few spelling errors in your post...
*course
*sentence
*definitely
*happened
*yeah
*okay
Nobody's perfect.
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Last edited by Lilith on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:55 am Post subject: Well........ |
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Well.....I only did it becuse in all honesty, everyone else is doing the nice thing. I didn't see andone else mentioning any issues with the work, and also there was no response to my last post about some of the issues I've brought up save to make fun of one of my spelling mistakes.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the story, but I just think the delivery needs some work. It's a great idea, and I love the relationship between the characters. Some of the more mushy parts tempt me to drop this into the Lover's Court, but it is indeed a fine tale.
I know I'm not even a year old here yet, but I'd like if if my critiques were taken seriously. . . . .
Edit: Yes Lil-chan, I KNOW I can't spell. Never said I was perfect. . . . . Wasn't implying that I was. I was just giving my oppinion on improvements I think Lyn-chan could make. That's all. I don't spell check my replies, only my chapters and important works.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:15 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I know I'm not even a year old here yet, but I'd like if if my critiques were taken seriously. . . . . |
It's nothing to do with not taking you seriously, Pope. But the fact is, it's just as important to be a good commenter as a writer. And though I respect your opinions, I'm just letting you know that comments without a positive side to them can make a writer feel very disheartened, and that's not why we're here. We're here to help make each other better writers, and if a person thinks they've got nothing good to offer, they won't bother to make the effort. As it is, you made the negatives known, but without a positive.
As you've just said, you love the story, and you should give Andi an example of the reasons why you do, just so that she knows it's worth continuing. I meant no disrespect to you at all, so please don't think that.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 12:42 am Post subject: |
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oh wow...this thread sort of had an opinion-splosion!
well, let me start by saying that i do value everyone's opinions. that's how we grow as authors.
now, as i like to do, allow me to address the issues that have been brought up. Pope, my writing style is my writing style. you'll find if you read any of Tolkien's work that he does much the same thing, and as he's been my favorite author since i was in the 3rd grade, my style mimics his frequently. that aside, you've already mentioned your dislike of it in a previous comment, which was your opinion to voice and i respect that, but my opinion is that my style is just fine and no one else seems to have a problem with it. as i am the author, i'm going to have to favor my own opinion over yours. i thought that my continuation as such in spite of your last post would have made that clear, but now i'll spell it out for you. that's one thing you're just going to have to get used to as you read my works.
as for the emotions of the characters, they run very deep. i've said it many times before, but i'll say it again, though the situations are only very subtly linked to reality, these characters are VERY real, living, breathing people with whom i share these relationships in every day life. i know my characters better than anyone on this site will ever be privileged to, and i can write for them as such. that ((not my "pre written" status as you seem stuck in the mentality of wanting to believe)) is why i do not change to suit your wishes. i have designed these characters in such a way as to portray THEIR character, not what anyone thinks they should be. they DO guess what each other think and feel. they are not all knowing, they just know each other. that much is VERY true to life. i live 1000 miles away from "Spade" but i can always tell when he's in trouble before he feels the need to tell me. it's a special connection that i dont expect everyone to understand, and it started from the very first time we met. i'd just like to let you enjoy it, and i'll not be tampering with it just to suit an opinion.
on that same note, i'll have this tale left just where it is, thank you. it is a fantasy/adventure tale. the relationships are deep, but what good friendships arent? if you'd like to tell me that no fantasy tale is allowed to have such relationships, i'll be happy to argue the point. these are totally platonic relationships, and therefore, shouldnt be in romance.
my "bad guy" is a complex person ((as most of my characters are)). he IS very much so a spoiled brat, which i'm portraying now. he is also an evil, twisted tyrant, which will become more evident as the tale progresses. ((as Tiki said, this is just the beginning. i'm still in the building phase, but i'm quickly coming to the end of it, and the true action is about to begin.) this tale was written as a novel, and in total is about 500 pages long on a regular, book-sized page. it will take a while for you to see the whole picture. with my writing style, you WONT see the whole picture until the finish. there is much more deep twisting and turning to be seen. it's just how i do what i do, so please be patient.
in summary, i do very much respect your opinions, but unless it is something that i'm doing wrong ((ex: bad grammar, spelling, etc...)) my opinion of the given situation will rule in this story, just as i know yours would in your own tales. perhaps no one else has commented on the "issues" before because no one else saw them as issues. perhaps not, but either way, i am glad to have your loyalty as a reader. whether your comments are or not, it is encouraging, as you do take your valuable time to read.
also, Tiki and Lil, thank you for your support. it speaks volumes to me on the subject of your opinion on the tale, and of myself as an author, that you are willing to fight for it. my many thanks.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:13 am Post subject: Well......... |
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Well, apparently I'm a much bigger ashhole then I thought, and as such I will refrain from posting here again until Andolyn says it's alright. If anyone else found that my comments were offencive on their threads, please tell me so I may asses my words and figure out just what I'm doing wrong. Thank you. *Bows*
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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i never asked you not to comment. i simply gave an answer to all of the issues you found. if you would like to comment negatively on my SGs, you'll have to have a just reason why you think the way you do about it ((other than it being a simple opinion)) or i am not very inclined to follow your advice. you may say it all you'd like, and i will answer with a reason why i've chosen to do what i have. my post was not in anger or in any way meant to be sarcastic or hateful. i'm terribly sorry if you took it that way, but i can't really do anything to help that.
any more DP suggestions? if not, i'll start the poll and we shall move on!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:56 am Post subject: |
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Hey, don't go too hard on yourself, Pope.
The only thing we would like to see somewhere in your critic is something that we have done RIGHT, and that should be appreciated. Of course, I understand your eagerness to help us all improve in our writing, which is great, but just make sure you appreciate us once in a while.
And andolyn.. you can go ahead with the poll. I'll be more active from the next chapter
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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| i'm happy to wait, Vishal. =) take your time.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:50 am Post subject: |
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Ohmygod. I REALLY do enjoy your story here, An! The characters DO seem very real to me, and though you're writing isn't perfect, it is VERY good. Im still taking the time to reply here, even though I have an exam tommorow, and I haven't even touched my books, and that should tell you how much I like your story
But, more seriously... I understand that Andolyn's family will be of good use to the story, but the interaction there seemed to be a bit boring. I know you don't take personal opinions much, but I felt that that part was a bit dry. What happened to me was, I guess I got overwhelmed by the number of characters you introduced within a few paragraphs. Im sure that I will get confused later on, if and when these characters appear again. It'll be hard for to remember who's who, and who has done what, but I guess that's just me
I have to go with Tiki when she says Barden is her favourite character. Barden, I feel, is half a reflection of me. I love music, and I do the "Don't be/say sorry" line all the time too. But then, I've always had this thing with characters who are theives. SPADE ftw! All your characters are very real to me, and I could feel the tension, and concern and the emotional link you've created here. Great job!
As for the DP, I am a bit confused. Didn't they already break into a full run towards the doctor's place? That being said, I really think they should slow down now. Of course we don't want to take any chances, and going towards the princess is the only option, but I just have this nagging feeling that its a hoax. The prince did really seem happy about the poison he used, and unless he wanted to save her life, he wouldn't be sending people to get her. But, we'll chuck that out of the window, and get to the place ASAP. No sneaking about. Go for it!
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an exam to prepare for =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:32 am Post subject: |
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haha! thanks for the comment, Vishal!! i dont mind opinions. haha just like i said, i'll offer back my reasoning.
the family scene is meant to be pure chaos...much like my family is in real life. it's not important for you to remember everyone, just remember that feeling of confusion in trying to remember everyone--it's what the characters felt, and what i want the readers to feel too. confusion, but warmth and love in spite of it.
i wanted everyone to get a glimpse of them, but the true reason for that scene was for you to meet her grandmother. she was the driving force in Andolyn's early life ((much as my real grandmother was in mine)) and she is the one who will reappear. dont worry, this was a rare scene. from here on out, the true action begins and you'll not have many dry parts...i hope. lol! ((sorry Tika, enjoy this one while it's here. XD))
i'm really glad you're enjoying it! and i'll have to pass your comments on to "Barden" and "Spade". they will be flattered. XD
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 3:28 am Post subject: |
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Okay I can't take it any more. What are their real names?!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Spade is Taylor: real life magician and slight kleptomaniac... and Barden is Jordan: real life musician =) i love them.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| aaaaand we're polling!!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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Great chapter, An... I'm just sorry it took so long to get to it.
I was impressed that you weren't just overdramatizing the injury... something didn't seem right about the way it came on and you well explained that. But what you haven't really done is shown how our clever heroes may have noticed that it was a bit odd in that regard. But that can still be repaired Nice tension at the end of this chapter too.
Unfortunately, I think my vote has now caused more harm than good (3-way tie!!!)
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks, TBird!! i'll see what i can do about the lack of inquisitiveness on the guys' parts.
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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I finished reading the latest chapter earlier today and I am really enjoying the story thus far. I voted to sneak in. Tension and suspense, synonymous words I'm sure, but what could be more awesome? Well I guess fighting could... Is it too late to vote for the fight scene? OH NO!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks Lost Omega! we now have a nasty tie...who's gonna break it??
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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| c'mon, guys!!! need a tie breaker!! =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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i'm giving this tie one more day, then i'm breaking it myself! teeheehee...
i wanna get going!!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:07 am Post subject: |
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Or you could try this.
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:51 am Post subject: |
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And... tie broken. I was kinda tempted to pick the third option just to have a pointless vote, but I didn't want to be too cruel. Based on the last few paragraphs of the last chapter, and of my situation of what is going on... they are outnumbered, and they need to be sneaky. Going in with blazing guns is only going to alert the enemy and get them in trouble, too.
Interesting story, and you've gotten a good amount of positive feedback. I'll do my best to try and get caught up on the full story.
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:47 pm Post subject: Chapter 5 pt 1: The Blacksmith |
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When they reached the docks, more screaming could be heard. Spade listened, praying he wouldn’t hear the princess’s clear voice. They stood with their backs to the wall just around the corner from the port side of the row of buildings. Barden ventured to poke his head around the corner. He pulled back quickly with a frustrated sigh.
“There’s no way we’ll make it to Damien’s house without being seen, but the raiders are only a few doors down…”
“We have to try,” Spade stated through gritted teeth. His heart felt as though it would pound out of his chest. “We’ve come too far to let her down now.” Barden nodded, and the two prepared to run head-on into danger.
“Pssst!” came a quiet hiss from behind them. The two turned to see Damien leaning his head around the back corner of the building. Relieved, Barden and Spade withdrew to the doctor’s position. “I heard them coming, so I got your things.” He motioned to the packed horses behind him. Andolyn leaned against the building. “You’ll have to help her.” He told them.
Spade ran to the princess and helped her onto his horse. The sounds of wood and metal crashing and people shouting drew closer and closer. Spade and Barden mounted their horses—Spade behind Andolyn—, and Barden grabbed the reigns of Andolyn’s young stallion.
“I’d better go play my part for them,” Damien looked less worried than he was. Andolyn reached out a trembling hand to him. When he came close enough, she leaned down and kissed his aged cheek.
“Thank you,” she whispered before raising herself back up in the saddle.
“Protect her,” Damien said to the young men. It was a stern order, but one with which Barden and Spade were more than willing to comply. Spade answered with a curt nod before steering his horse away from the sounds of chaos. “Head for the river!” Damien called behind them.
The river was in the opposite direction from Darbinshire, but it doubled back to the city after a large round-about. Following in the water would throw the pursuers off their trail.
Spade wasn’t sure whether Barden was still behind him or not, but he wasn’t willing to use the little time he had in order to look. Bridlestrom offered little cover from unwanted eyes, and Spade knew that Radan’s spies would be taking careful note of their route. He had to get her as far away as possible before the enemy realized they were gone. He only prayed they hadn’t noticed the exchange with Damien moments before…
When they came to the river, Spade slowed, allowing Barden to catch up. Silently, Barden took his and Andolyn’s horses into the water while Spade scanned the road behind them, half expecting to see soldiers with swords clashing. He turned and followed Barden into the churning water.
The water was cold and high. Autumn’s chill had already reached the river’s headwater in the mountains. Andolyn shivered as the cold went straight through the legs of her pants. Spade hugged her tighter and steered the horse into the shallow water near the river’s bank. The two young men pulled the horses under a large overhang when they heard the soldiers crossing the bridge a mere quarter mile behind them. Then, with a sigh of relief, they carried on with their new route. They had escaped Radan’s clutches…this time.
*****
Ebony brushed her best friend’s horse thoughtfully. She knew Andolyn wouldn’t be coming back here…at least not to live, but just in case she did, the stable girl had the princess’s horse ready for her.
Nothing in this castle had been the same since the young woman left. The colors weren’t quite as vibrant as they once had been, few people smiled, and when they did, it was usually because of something Princess Roselyn had done, and the only flowers the gardeners could coax into blooming were the current crown princess’s roses.
“Have you heard any more from her?” Ebony asked her unannounced guest. Princess Roselyn stepped into the stall of the horse. Ebony almost laughed; the princess’s pink ball gown was hardly appropriate for this particular setting.
“No,” Roselyn shook her head, not noticing the incongruence about her surroundings. “The last news I heard from her was that she was leaving the McGintys’ house. She didn’t say where she was heading…of course.”
“It’s unusual for her not to report in for this long,” Ebony frowned.
“This is the only hint I’ve gotten,” Roselyn held up a reward poster with their best friend’s face on it. Ebony was intrigued; this poster was different from the ones that had been circulating for the last year. Next to Andolyn’s soft smile, one on either side, were two young men. One had hair as golden as Andolyn’s, and the other man’s matched Ebony’s name.
“Well, well,” Ebony raised an eyebrow. “Looks like Andy’s been holding out on us.” She laughed.
“Yes,” Roselyn giggled, “and Radan is determined to have their heads for helping her.”
*****
“Again with the headaches!” Spade tried to pop his neck.
“Yeah, me too” Barden mimicked his action. “Weird.”
Three hours had passed since their narrow escape from Bridlestrom. Following the original route, the journey would have taken merely an hour, but with the recent change in plans, Barden expected that they would arrive in Darbinshire shortly after sunset.
Spade looked down; Andolyn had fallen sound asleep reclined on his lean chest. Cradled in his arms, her head rested on his shoulder with her peaceful face turned up to the afternoon sky. She was still very pale, and looked as though a strong breeze would break her in half, but Spade knew that beneath that frail body lay a heart with the strength to lead the people in revolution, and save Ardara. Darbinshire couldn’t be further from where the young thief wished to be, but if that was where his princess needed to go, he would be right beside her; Andolyn was strong, but she wasn’t ready to take on this task alone…not yet anyway. Spade’s thoughts were interrupted by Barden’s voice.
“Where will we go, Spade?” he wondered. “Radan’s spies are everywhere. We won’t be able to stay anywhere within the public’s attention.”
“We’ll go to Kellan,” Spade kept his voice soft and even to avoid disturbing Andolyn. “He’s the town blacksmith and a very good friend of mine. He’s very private with important matters and has little love for the government.”
Barden nodded, but was silent. This was becoming far more complicated than he particularly enjoyed. Within a mere two and a half days, they had gone from unnoticed annoyances in various towns to being on the top of the prince’s most wanted list. Along with that, a girl they barely knew had stolen both men’s hearts, and they now loved her as dearly as a sister. To top it all off, upon the request of this girl, they were travelling straight into the heart of the hornets’ nest. Barden couldn’t be sure of the outcome of this venture, and that unsettled him most of all. Would they be captured? Would they even find what they were looking for, or would this entire struggle be for nothing? Would they escape with their lives, or would he be forced to watch his Princess or his best friend die? Barden didn’t know the answer to those questions, but he was certain of one thing: no matter what happened, the success of this mission would mean the salvation of his homeland, and that meant that he would do whatever it took to stand and fight alongside Andolyn.
She really could be an angel…Barden thought, smiling at the image of the fragile young woman sleeping peacefully in his friend’s arms.
The river ran directly into the city of Darbinshire. Keeping the horses quiet wasn’t an issue here. Unlike the quiet Bridlestrom, even at this late hour, Darbinshire was in full glory. Since the river kept to the quieter outskirts of the city for the majority of its course and because it was dark the trio could easily go unnoticed by staying with the cold water.
Spade took the lead with the now conscious Andolyn on her own horse between Barden and himself. They drew beneath a bridge when a loud group of drunks passed overhead.
“Kellan lives right next to the river, so this should be relatively easy,” Spade whispered when the group was gone. “It isn’t too much further.” With that, he quietly led his horse forward in the water. Andolyn followed, her emerald eyes scanning the darkness around them for any hints of approaching danger. Barden stayed close behind the princess with his strong hand resting warily on his broad sword.
Just up ahead was a small house with smoke rising out of a tall chimney. A warm glow dimly lit the cobblestone in front of the building where a tall, thin figure paced back and forth in the shadows. Spade reached for his belt, pulling out the Ace of Spades. Andolyn waited for the anxious man to fall dead, but instead the card landed harmlessly in street before him with a shower of sparks as the metal hit the flint-like stones.
The figure bent down, picked up the card, he then began running toward the river where the trio stood hidden. All they could see was the tall silhouette as he peered into the darkness.
“Spade?” he called softly, still not seeing them standing in the water. “Spade, where are you?” Spade rode forward silently up the bank and out of the water. He dismounted and shook the man’s hand before motioning for the other two to follow.
Barden was a little more than suspicious, staying as close to the princess as possible without crushing her leg and keeping his hand firmly on the sword. Andolyn found something truly intriguing about this new man. She rode forward on Spade’s request with little hesitation.
Without waiting for them, the man turned, took Spade’s horse and began walking to the back of his home. The others followed silently. Barden brought up the rear, still right on Andolyn’s heels. Spade flipped a card in his hand.
Once the horses were settled and the group was inside the house, they were able to relax. Spade, without hesitation, found his way to a soft armchair by the fire. Barden wandered around the large, dimly lit room with his hand, now merely resting, on his sword hilt before landing on a sofa in the far corner. The tall man sat in a chair across from Spade. Andolyn was not yet comfortable here; she found her way to a corner by the front door.
In the firelight, Andolyn could clearly see the young man’s features. His long legs stretched far out in front of his chair. He was thin, to say the least, but deceptively so. Faint lines in his shirt showed the defined muscles that clung to his slender form. In the dim lighting, the man’s sharp, chiseled facial features were accented by his mustache and neatly clipped goatee; he appeared to be a few years older than the others. The contrasts in his hair color made Andolyn want to giggle; the close cut style on top of his head was a sandy brown, but the hair on his strong face was as orange as the fire. “Kellan,” Spade called him. Andolyn liked that name; it suited him.
Even as she watched him, Kellan listened to Spade explain their plight, some of which he already knew. A member of the Underground had been positioned in Bridlestrom and had sent a hawk to the young man shortly after the trio had fled, which explained why he was waiting for them. Kellan’s grey-blue eyes lingered on the roaring fire as he listened.
Just then, Spade made a motion toward where Andolyn stood in the corner. He turned, flashing that charming grin of his.
“And this is our princess,” he said proudly. The shy girl in the corner shrank as much as she could while Kellan’s face softened into the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.
“Hello,” was all the young man said. He could sense her discomfort at being made the center of attention. Andolyn lifted her right hand awkwardly in a pitiful attempt at a wave. With the warm smile still in place, Kellan turned his attention back to Spade as the thief tried to plan their next move.
“The problem will be getting past all the guards…” Kellan and Spade tossed ideas back and forth. After several moments of no-that-will-never-work’s and how-about-this’s, Barden decided to join the brainstorm. Andolyn knew precisely how they would enter the castle, but the trepid princess was far too enthralled with her new surroundings to pay attention to the conversation at hand.
The walls of Kellan’s mostly wooden home were adorned with the tools of his trade. Several small works in progress lay on a large work table in the corner. The fireplace was absolutely stunning with strips of all kinds of metal glistening in intricate patterns between the glassy stones. Mounted on the mantle above the fire was a large crossbow. Obviously this man had no love for the monarchy who frowned deeply on the very idea of citizens owning such weaponry. Andolyn liked that.
Kellan couldn’t help but glance at the princess from time to time. Her quiet demeanor mixed with the subtle curiosity and playful light in her eyes made for a captivating personality. Though Kellan tried to conceal his observations, nothing escaped Spade’s watchful eye. He gave the blacksmith a “busted” look with a sly smile attached.
“What?” Kellan’s face reddened slightly. Spade shook his head with the same smile playing on his elegant lips. Barden, missing the whole exchange, continued with the debate.
“If we split up, we could knock out different groups of guards and get more of them at once…”
Andolyn, still examining the different decorations on the walls, finally caught the point of the conversation and spoke.
“You are all making this far too difficult,” she said without looking at them. “I’ve already taken care of our passage in and out of the castle.” All three men stared at her now. She turned, feeling their astonished gazes. Her innocent expression was riddled with mischief. “Just because I’m a princess doesn’t mean I’m always a damsel in distress. I’ve got my useful moments too.”
****
What is Andolyn scheming? Does she have old friends in a secret resistance?? or perhaps knows a passageway long forgotten?? your decision!!
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Tikanni Corazon
Honored Citizen
Joined: 25 Oct 2009
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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Another good chapter, Andi! And I'm liking Kellan as a new edition to their group, and with a seemingly whole new kind relationship that might form with our heroine in the future.
For the dp, I'd say that Ebony and Roselyn are ready to help her, with a band of others all ready to fight in the princess's favour!
Looking forward to the next one, Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador
Joined: 18 Apr 2011
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Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...
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| Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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| well, if there are no more options thrown out, i'll post the new chapter tomorrow =)
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Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador
Joined: 18 Apr 2011
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Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...
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| Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:11 pm Post subject: Chapter 5 pt 2: Ebony's Enchantical Emporium |
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Through the misty dawn of the following day, three cloaked travelers trudged in the dim streets of Darbinshire. The leader kept to the shadows on the furthest outskirts of the city. On and on they went, relatively unnoticed except by the myriads of alley cats that haunted these dingy pathways. Upon reaching the furthest edge of what was considered the city limits, the small group paused only briefly to assure the lack of unwanted attention. After such precautions were taken, Andolyn—her pale cheeks rosy in the crisp morning chill—slid as silently as the mist around their feet into the dark forest before them, followed closely by her ever faithful companions.
As Spade and Barden followed Andolyn deeper and deeper into the trees, it seemed as though the princess was selecting random directions to follow, and they wondered if she had any idea where they were heading at all. Andolyn was weary, having remained awake the entirety of the previous night, but she wasn’t that tired. What the young men had yet to notice was the slight color variation in the undergrowth beneath their booted feet. Andolyn was, in fact, following a path, but as with most hidden pathways, this one was only to be taken by those who knew the destination. This trail’s creator was one skilled in chemistry; an art form that was little explored in those times. Many even viewed this practice as a form of magic or sorcery. Andolyn stuck to the trail’s ever changing direction by watching for the lighter, slightly golden hue that surrounded the edges of the small forest plants.
After about half an hour of hiking, the three travelers broke into a small clearing. In the center of the large circle of trees was a little hut with green smoke pouring out of a small chimney. A large sign stood out in elegant silver letters above the round doorway.
“Ebony’s Enchantical Emporium…” Spade read aloud. He then looked at Andolyn with an eyebrow raised. “Enchantical??” The princess only shrugged as she stepped forward.
She knocked on the circular entrance. After a few moments had passed, a tiny opening at the top of the door was unbolted. After it had slammed shut, to the young men’s surprise, instead of swinging open, the round door rolled to the side revealing a small, thin girl with hair as dark as Barden’s. At the same time, the two young women practically jumped forward to embrace one another.
“Where have you been??” the dark haired girl demanded. She eyed Barden and Spade, “and why’ve you been holding out on me? …Heeeeyy…” she smiled flirtatiously at the now red-faced young men. Andolyn only laughed and entered the cylinder shaped hallway, motioning for her companions to follow.
The group wound through seemingly endless hallways; the outward appearance of the little shack far belied the miles of space it actually held. Andolyn and the dark haired girl paced forward with looks of determination. The boys, on the other hand, ambled slightly behind, marveling at the thousands of nameless trinkets that lined the walls and ceiling in a hodgepodge of disarray. Spade’s attention was drawn specifically to those with sharp edges, while Barden was more fascinated with a larger group that was spastically spitting fire in all directions.
After almost half an hour of wandering, the group entered a larger hall. This one was nothing like the maze of whatchamacallits and whosiwhatsits they had just passed through; instead, lined along the walls in precise rows with specific numbers on each and every shelf was the most countless and beautiful selection of arrows any of them had ever seen before. Every color and size arrow imaginable from obnoxiously bright green to elegant silver could be found in this one enormous room.
About three fourths of the way across the expanse of the area, the dark haired girl took a sharp right turn and headed directly to a door; in the vast hall, the door seemed awkward, being only tall enough to reach Spade’s waist. By the time Barden ducked through the tiny doorway, Andolyn and the dark haired girl were leaning over a small trap door concealed in a corner while Spade wandered silently around what appeared to be a small library with the look of an appraiser.
“Are you ready?” the girl’s expression was one of half worry and half mischief as she questioned Andolyn. Barden was confused.
“Wait,” he started, “who are you, and what are we ready for??” Andolyn had only told her friends what they needed to know to get them to Ebony’s little shop. Even though the two young men had already helped her enough to end their lives if they were caught, in Andolyn’s mind, secrecy kept her friends at least a little bit safer.
The princess suddenly remembered that she hadn’t introduced her old friend to her new ones.
“Barden, Spade, this is Ebony. She’s been one of my best friends since we were little girls.”
Ebony chimed in here, “and as for what you’re ready for, this passageway leads directly into the lower level of the castle. Once we’re inside, Roselyn will help cover for us until you find what you need.” She paused and thought for a moment. “On second thought, it might be better for us to wait for nightfall…better cover.”
Finally, Spade spoke.
“Great!! I’m starving!” at this, everyone turned and looked at the young thief who was reclining on a sofa with his nose buried in a copy of Castle Wall Art and other Mischief.
Not only was Ebony a master arrow smith, she could cook a mean batch of chili. After Andolyn was full and the young men had emptied the rest of the giant pot, the dark haired girl dismissed herself.
“If I’m not tending to my duties soon I will be missed, and the prince will become suspicious. He knows where my loyalties lie.” Ebony and Andolyn embraced. “I’ll be back later. Make yourselves at home, and get some rest. You’ll need it if tonight is to be a success.”
When she was gone, the trio did as they were told. This time, Barden had to squeeze through the tiny door.
“You know, buddy,” he said to Spade, “just because the chili is there doesn’t mean we have to eat it all…”
Andolyn led them to another long hallway lined with bedrooms. Barden and Spade glanced at each other then looked to Andolyn questioningly.
“So, Ebony’s Enchantical Emporium is also an inn,” she grinned sheepishly, “but it’s only for those who don’t wish to be found.” The young men nodded, their question hadn’t been answered yet. After an awkward silence, Andolyn continued, “You know, it’s bigger on the inside—her shop—I don’t quite get that, but I just go with it…”
“Eh,” came the shrugged reply from Barden and Spade. This answer was sufficient.
Andolyn entered the room that was designated as hers and plopped down on one of the many pillow filled couches. The young men weren’t about to leave their princess’s side (both to keep her safe from any surprise attacks and to keep themselves from getting lost in the miniature city-in-a-building), so they found couches to lie on as well.
“So you and Ebony have known each other for a while then?” Barden thought aloud. He already knew the answer, but hearing the girl talk would ease his nerves at the moment.
“Yes,” Andolyn reminisced fondly, “she and I were close long before any of this garbage with the prince began…We used to get into all sorts of trouble when we were little. Whichever one of us didn’t get caught would usually bail the other out. Instead of playing damsel and heroine like Roselyn and I did, Ebony and I were usually wild adventurers exploring only the most dangerous of new territories…”
Spade lay staring at the ceiling. He smiled softly as he listened to Andolyn’s story, but he was deep in thought. The memories of his childhood contained no scenes of playtime and games, as this was not the first time the young thief had struggled against the royal family. How ironic it seemed to him that the two of them had switched places in the time surrounding their meeting; Andolyn to a life of turmoil and fear, and Spade to one of wandering at leisure with his best friend. He knew that if Andolyn were aware of the familiar danger their meeting had brought to his life, she would hate herself forever. Though it pained him that the girl now suffered as she did, Spade found comfort in knowing Andolyn’s earlier years knew nothing of the torment she now withstood.
When Spade came out of his dark thoughts, Barden was draping a blanket over Andolyn’s prone form. She lay with a beautiful smile of memory on her lips. Spade nodded; a satisfied smile reflected on his face from the peaceful scene as Barden dimmed the lights and stretched out for a nap of his own.
*****
there isnt really a DP for this one...so i'll be posting the next chapter shortly after this one as i did with one previous chapter. enjoy!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:20 pm Post subject: Chapter 6: Infiltration |
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Spade was on his feet with a card in his hand before he was actually awake.
Barden too was on his feet, but instead of his broadsword, the young man clutched a broomstick. Ebony laughed as she turned on the light and shut the door to the small room. Andolyn rubbed her eyes as she sat up sleepily.
“Down boys,” Ebony teased as she sat four cups of what appeared to be tea on the small side table before them. She took her own cup and threw the liquid back in one gulp. Spade and Barden picked up their drinks and sniffed them gingerly.
The smell was sweet, with a rosy twist. Andolyn drank from her cup as Ebony did. She then shuddered violently and hiccoughed. Barden laughed at the girl, but when he sipped from his own cup, he was sent into a fit of coughing himself. Only Spade was able to successfully mimic Ebony with the powerful liquid. Despite the sweet smell, the drink had potent warmth that penetrated the whole body. Every muscle felt stronger; every sense was heightened.
“It will help with our task,” Ebony smiled grimly.
*****
The sound of the cold, stone floors in the corridors of the castle rang unsettlingly memorable to Andolyn as the group raced along them as quietly as possible. For Spade, it wasn’t the sound of the halls so much as the all too familiar smell of the nearby dungeons that made his skin crawl. For Barden, the mere idea of this place was enough to make his stomach turn, much less actually being inside.
Barden ran in front and Spade in back with Ebony and the princess sandwiched between the two of them. Andolyn’s keen eyes scanned the rock walls for the small side door that led to the hall of records. After what seemed like hours, she spotted their destination up ahead and tapped Barden on the shoulder.
As quiet as the ghosts that were said to haunt the castle, the group slid into the chamber and down the winding, cast iron staircase to where the records were kept. Andolyn frantically searched for the book she last read in this place. It looked as though no one had visited the ancient library since she had over a year and a half before, but it was difficult to remember what she had done with the book before she was forced to flee. After almost an hour of searching, Ebony held up a large volume.
“Is this it, Andy?” she asked. Andolyn recognized the text immediately by the rich red leather bound by the purest of silver. She took the book and feverishly flipped to the page she had been reading before she made her flight from the castle.
“No!” she moaned as her heart sank to the floor. The page she needed—the page they had all risked their lives to see—had been ripped from the beautiful book shortly after her discovery of it. Barden placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” she said, utterly defeated, “I might have killed us all for this.”
“Wait!” Spade peered over Andolyn’s shoulder as he pointed, “What’s that?” There, at the very bottom of the shredded edging, was a fragment of the page that had escaped the prince’s fury, and on that fragment was a single word: Handunburg. “Maybe there’s something there—another clue maybe.” Spade offered, hoping to brighten the princess’s spirits. He noted the dim smile that crossed Andolyn’s lips.
“At least it gives us a new direction,” Barden picked up the hint and offered his thoughts. Carefully, Andolyn removed the tattered piece of the page and burned it over one the candles they had been using to light the way.
“We can’t risk being followed,” she explained.
“Oh you needn’t worry about that,” came a chilling new voice from above them,
“No one can follow you if you never leave this place.”
In one motion, Spade and Barden both placed themselves defensively in front of Andolyn and Ebony with weapons in hand. The young women were not completely helpless however, as they had removed a few of Ebony’s prized bows and arrows from the Emporium.
“Seize them,” Radan’s voice held a tone of monotony, boredom even, as he ordered his soldiers to take the stunned travelers, but this façade belied the frenzied excitement the prince now felt as his army took on the thorn that had plagued him for so long now.
The air was a swarm of arrows and metal playing cards as the heroes fought off the first round of soldiers, but they were heavily outnumbered. From her dark cloak, Ebony produced several vials of brightly colored liquids that, when thrown at an opponent, produced various undesirable effects; she flung them at the oncoming enemy like tiny grenades. As more soldiers closed in, it was Barden’s turn to show his skill with a weapon; he swung his long broadsword as if it were an extension of his arm. Spade continually gathered his deadly deck and dealt it again and again.
The small group fought their way slowly toward the stairs. In the midst of the turmoil, Barden heard Ebony scream, but when he turned to look for her, she had vanished.
Spade managed to make his way to the top of the stairs, but as he rounded the corner, the young thief found himself face to face with Prince Radan.
“You,” hissed Radan, recognizing the young man for the first time, “I might have known you had something to do with this, Jenkins.”
Wide-eyed, Spade reached for his deck only to find that he had thrown his last card at a guard who was attacking Andolyn only moments before. Desperate and vengeful, the thief quickly scanned the area for anything he could use to defend himself, but all surroundings went black when a soldier came from behind and struck him down with a club.
“Spade!” Barden was the next to round the corner. Seeing his friend unconscious and bleeding on the floor distracted the young man just long enough for another of Radan’s guards to pin him to the ground and secure his arms. “Princess, Run!” he cried, but she had already come too far.
It was Radan himself who took Andolyn; he wrapped her arm behind her back, painfully rendering her helpless before dragging the girl out of sight. Barden thrashed on the floor, screaming curses as the prince stole one of the most meaningful people in his life, and the other lay wounded on the cold ground.
*****
Andolyn sat in her “cell” waiting for the prince to decide how to properly dispose of her. She couldn’t really complain too much since—though, for obvious reasons they were not allowed to see each other—Roselyn had at least convinced the prince to lock her in a room with a bed instead of in the dungeon, but considering the way she felt, he might as well have hung her by her toes. Andolyn knew her companions were experiencing no such comfort as a bed and a basin of water; in fact, she wasn’t fully convinced that they were even alive. She wished the fate of what she knew to be happening on no one and hated herself for even the thought, but every time the princess heard the tortured screams from the chambers below her she prayed it was some unfortunate, yet unknown soul—anyone but her beloved guardians.
A few moments after the screaming stopped, the heavy door to her room swung open and Radan entered with blood spattered on his shirt. Andolyn’s heart stopped.
“Why do you insist on involving others in our little quarrel, Dear Heart?” Radan faked a loving tone. Andolyn was stunned. “Ah, well, you need not worry about the condition of your friends any longer; I’ve taken care of them.” Andolyn couldn’t stop the hot tears that began pouring from her eyes. A rage like one she had never felt before filled her heart as she lunged toward the ruthless prince with every intention of taking his life.
Caught off guard by the fury of her sudden attack, Radan punched the girl hard in the face, but that wasn’t enough to stop Andolyn. She struck the prince again and again with all the power she could muster—shattering several of the small bones in her hand—until he was forced to call his guards. One of the burly men pried the girl off his master and flung her to the other side of the room. Her forehead hit the corner of a table, stunning her long enough for Radan to retreat.
After he was gone, the princess was overwhelmed by an indescribable grief and laid in the floor weeping with sobs that shook her entire body. This was all her fault.
*****
The interrogation process was grueling and tiresome, but as he sat in his cold, wet cell, Barden felt grateful that the only wounds he had acquired during the ordeal were a few bruises, some knife wounds, and a few minor scrapes that would heal rather quickly. After his quick assessment, Barden’s mind was flooded with memories of the past few days.
“If Andy were here, she’d be fussing over me already.” He wondered what had become of his princess. He wondered if she was in pain, and he knew that wherever she was, whatever she was going through, she would be worrying about him and Spade.
Even if Barden had known the answers to the questions he was asked, he wouldn’t have told the guards anything. They had asked about Andolyn’s whereabouts over the past year and a half and what her plans were for the future. Barden had only recently met the girl, and from his experience he knew that she in fact had no plan and was making things up as she went. He had been surprised when they stopped beating him and led him back to his cell without a single question answered to their satisfaction. He guessed that meant he was in for worse things tomorrow.
From there, Barden’s tired mind wandered to his best friend. He wondered when the soldiers would finish questioning Spade and bring him back into a cell of his own. The musician pondered what questions they might have asked Spade and what he had told them—though he knew that, like himself, the young thief would die before putting the princess in further danger.
He didn’t have to think very long on the subject when he heard the door to his and the other cell open. Barden grinned as he moved closer to the gate so he and Spade could compare bruises, but what he saw next took his breath away.
Spade was not being led before the soldiers as Barden had been, but rather his limp form was dragged behind them. They roughly heaved him to the floor of the cell across from Barden, laughing loudly at the strangled cry of pain that came from the thief’s tattered body before noisily leaving the two of them alone. Barden watched in horror as Spade attempted to lift himself before crumbling back to the floor. The young man’s breath came in spastic gasps. On the exposed skin of his upper body, a myriad of half-dollar sized burns shown crimson and black in the dim lighting of the dungeon, and it was easy to see the bruised marks around Spade’s wrists and neck where the restraints had held him down while he was tortured.
“S—Spade?” Barden felt sick. Spade jerked violently at the sound of Barden’s voice. “Spade, what happened?”
Spade slowly moved himself to where he could see Barden across the walkway between their cells. His eyes were utterly void of anything but pure agony, and when he spoke the terror and pain in his hoarse voice stole the warmth from every inch of Barden’s body.
“The machine,” he started weakly, but couldn’t continue. Spade coughed, producing the brilliant crimson of his own blood, and his breathing returned to the rattling gasps; he shook as if he were lying in snow. Barden’s mind raced. The Machine. He had heard of that device. Its use was saved for only the highest enemies of the crown.
“W—what did they ask you?” he whispered, wondering what information could merit this torture. Spade laughed feebly with a laugh that chilled Barden to the core.
“They didn’t ask me anything…”
*****
and NOW things grow darker...what will our heroes do? how do they get out of this one? it's up to you!!
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:33 am Post subject: |
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Hmm... This is very, very interesting... Maybe The Machine is used to turn enemies of the crown into allies. In that case, Spade has turned against Barden and Andolyn. Barden should escape, save Andolyn, and warn her of the coming danger. On a side note, maybe I missed something, but what happened to Ebony?
_________________
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
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Have you seen my ninja? He's around here somewhere... Qk
I've got eggs!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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Good lord that was a lot of writing to read through for one week, An! I woulda been a bit frustrated with no responses in a few days too I suppose. And I know under it all it allows you to avoid having to rewrite your whole tale Which is all the more understandable as it has been such an entertaining read.
Anyhow, I say they figure out how to remove the bars from the window and escape out into the night, swimming through the moat to freedom... then they'll have to regroup to come back for Andolyn.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:09 pm Post subject: |
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teeheehee...you've seen through my clever rouse...but yes, i'm really wanting this story to continue & one can only post so many "bumps" without going completely insane.
this DP is going to be interesting indeed...it might just help me to devise a more clever way of getting them all safely ((mostly)) out of the castle than i already have...as the one i already have isnt much in my mind. we shall see!! i, for one, am rather excited. XD
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi! Great chappies! A fab read to come back from holiday to.
I'm going to say...well, I'm wondering if Barden knows about Spade's past, as in how he and the prince know each other, and why Radan might want to cause him so much pain and harm. I say that Spade relates to his friend the facts of this subject, as, I have to say, I'm dying to know myself.
Looking forward to the next one, Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| TIKA!! i'm SO glad you're back!! oh, how i've missed you! =D it was no fun not having your input first thing after i posted. XD
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:00 am Post subject: |
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*giggles and hugs* Glad to be back, Andi! Missed you too. And loving the new profile pic!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:28 am Post subject: |
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Im quickly catching up... haven't read the last one yet, but just saying so that you know I haven't stopped following this story
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Vikas Muralidharan
Be sure to read HATE in Romance section
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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thanks Vikas! always good to know. haha!
and thanks, Tika! i took that one myself. XD
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 5:20 am Post subject: |
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Since you seem worried that I am not reading your chapters, I'll go ahead and tell you what I think. I'll tell you once again that I don't have a clear DP suggestion for this one.
Well, Spade has just been through something terrible, a lot more terrible than what Barden and Andolyn had to go through.Trying to escape isn't the option here. Spade is very weak, and we don't want to risk getting him unconscious or worse, which will probably happen if we hit the road.
The only other option is to wait and watch, which is so undramatic, and is something I don't want to do. So yeah, I'll with Tika's suggestion. We(The Readers) really need to find out about Spade and his past, and now is a very good time to do it, especially if the princess isn't supposed to know until later.
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The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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| AAAAAND we're polling!!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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Barden continued to stare at his best friend in a state of shock. Spade lay trembling on the cold stone floor dropping in and out of consciousness.
"Spade?" Barden's voice shook as he fought to hold back the angry tears as Spade slowly turned his head to face the young man. "Spade...why? Why did he do this to you?"
The young thief's dry, cracked lips moved as he tried to speak, but now only a raspy whisper could be heard, "Underground".
The Underground. Barden knew little of the organization's history, but he knew enough to know that they were the one force who dared oppose Radan and the rest of the royal family. What could his carefree friend have to do with them? In all of the time they had spent together, Spade had never seemed interested in the goings on of the government or anyone else but himself and Barden.
Barden was taken from his thoughts when Spade began to choke. He rolled to his side and coughed violently. Blood dripped from Spade's mouth and fell to the ground beside the broken man as a searing pain ripped through his chest. Barden rushed forward, desperate to help his friend in some way. He shook the rough, iron bars with a cry of rage. Frustrated and frantic, Barden turned to the small window at the back of the cell and leaned on the metal blocking his escape.
He was shocked when the iron easily gave way under his weight. Holding the metal bar in his hand now, Barden inspected the window a little closer. Deep scraped marks mauled the window sill specifically concentrating around the bars. It appeared as though the previous prisoner had been working on a way out of the little hell hole. Barden tried the iron cylinders beside the one he still held in his hand, and with a good amount of force, they both gave way making a hole just barely big enough for him to squeeze through.
Excited, Barden turned back to Spade. His happiness was soon extinguished, however, and replaced with that same sick rage in the pit of his stomach. Void, empty eyes stared at him from the floor across the small space, but Spade's crooked smirk dragged at the corners of his blood smeared mouth.
"Go," Spade whispered. With that word, his eyes fluttered shut, and his head sank, lifeless, to the cold stone floor. The only indication that he hadn't died right there was the subtle rise and fall of Spade's scarred chest, and even that was growing more and more infrequent.
Barden knew he had to act fast. He had no choice but to leave his friend here for the time being and somehow find a way to get Spade and the princess away from here, but he couldn't do it alone.
Heaving himself up through the window, Barden winced as the rough stone tore into his back. With one last look back at his unconscious friend, Barden swore.
"Don't you dare die here. I'm coming back for you," just the thought of leaving Spade there made him sick; the thought that Spade very well could die there, alone, on that cold, damp floor in the dark. But if he had any hope at all of surviving, Barden had to bring help, and he knew exactly where he needed to go.
*****
Kellan sat staring intently at the fireplace. Ebony, the princess's best friend, sat near him, rocking back and forth in her nervousness. After she'd been dragged out of the battle and down a secret passageway by Gawain, she had found herself here, in the only place she could think to find help.
Kellan had heard her story, and been in this silent brood ever since. He only sat there, unmoving, staring into the slowly dying flames. She couldn't begin to guess what was going on behind the grey blue eyes set in the man's chiseled face, but his fists were clinched, and his jaw was set as though remaining in the chair was taking a great effort.
In fact, what was going on was quite complicated. Kellan was running through possible rescue missions, remembering the most likely places each prisoner would have been taken--provided they were still alive at all--, and perhaps most of all, he was blaming himself for not going with them. It was not a well known bit of information to outsiders that Kellan was, in fact, the leader of the resistance known as the Underground, and a long-planned mission to gather information on a possible weak point in the government's infrastructure had prevented him from accompanying the group on their venture into the hornets' nest. Still, in hindsight, he wondered what would have been more important than helping the Princess, perhaps their only hope at a stable government after their plans were carried out, and Spade, the former leader of the Underground, break into the castle.
Kellan shook his head when a frantic knock at the door tore his thoughts back to the present. Now on his feet, he motioned for Ebony to hide while he grabbed the crossbow from its display over the mantle and made his way slowly to the door. The frenzied pounding continued. What he heard next, though, took the blacksmith completely off guard.
"Kellan!!" came Barden's voice through the heavy door, "Kellan, it's me!! Let me in!"
Immediately, Kellan yanked the frightened man through the door, checking outside to see that no one had seen, and bolted the lock behind them. Barden was totally ragged. He was bruised and bloody, but the pleading look in his eye was what made Kellan worry. He sat across from the shaken young man, leaning forward, and listening intently as Barden explained everything that had happened from where Ebony's story had ended.
The blacksmith knew then that there was no time to lose. They had to get to Spade or his old friend would be dead within a few hours, and no one had any idea what had become of Andolyn. Though he didn't fully understand why, the knowledge that she was in danger was as heavy a blow as the news of Spade to Kellan.
He paced the floor for a moment in final thought before standing straight and looking at the two sets of eyes that were watching him intently.
"I know what we're going to do."
*****
What exactly are they going to do?? That's what you all get to decide this time. have fun!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 11:16 am Post subject: |
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| PS: this chapter is COMPLETELY new. there is nothing from the original here...though this will soon be added in to the original. XD thanks for the help there, guys!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 8:40 am Post subject: |
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| thanks for the comment, Lil! im really excited to see where this one will go. >:]
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:53 pm Post subject: |
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Okayy... Since I don't have anymore information, Im going to have to go with Lilith's suggestion.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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*literally squeals with relief at being able to post* My internet has been sooo slow recently, I haven't been able to do anything! Still like it, but have managed to post this on the off chance. Woohoo!
Another great chappie, Andi! In fact, I think it's your best yet! I very much enjoyed having a majority of the chapter from Barden's point of view, as he's my favourite character in the tale, and I also applaud you for the way that you portrayed Spade's condition. You could so easily have gone over the top with the description, and instead we have something that is subtle in it's execution, but still getting the point across that Spade is in a very serious condition...possible close to death. I'm also liking the fact that Kellan seems to be headed towards a bigger part in the storyline too. Looking forward to there being alot more from him.
I was also very much intrigued yet again, by Spade's mysterious past. Yes, we've now found out that he was once the leader of the Underground, but why isn't he now? What stopped him from continuing with that position? Intrigue is a great thing to have in a story. It makes the reader/s want more and more. Very well done!
Okies, for the DP...I say that, assuming that the Underground is a fairly large organisation, two groups are formed. One of these groups will return the way that Barden came, hope that his escape hasn't yet been discovered, and get Spade out of there. The other (a smaller, less consipicuous group) should find a way to enter the castle to find Andolyn. Maybe even just the one, who would be able to blend in with the residents of the palace, and could sneak around, trying to discover her location. Then they can make further plans from there.
Keep up the good work, Andi!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks, Tika and Vishal! glad to have you all with me~ =) if there arent any more comments, i'll post the poll tomorrow.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:42 pm Post subject: Ch 7 pt 1 |
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sooo...i was reviewing the suggestions for a poll and realized that all of the suggestions were in fact saying the same thing...and they all work together beautifully! so instead of posting a poll, i'm just going to move forward...hope no one objects...because i'm doing it anyway. XD
*****
He stood, examining the group of men before him. Each was willing to die today, but the fourteen year-old leader was certain that the number of casualties would be few. Ever since that day, five years ago, when his parents had been brutally taken from him, the youth had fought to avenge them and take back their honor and the freedom of their people. Now, as he examined each face before him, a new hope and a rush of excitement shivered down his young spine as he twirled his favorite playing card from the deck his father had given him over and over in his nimble hand. The Ace of Spades.
Beside the young man, 19 years old, stood his best friend and battle partner for as long as the boy could remember. The young man nodded in approval as the boy turned toward the oncoming enemy.
There. In the middle of the approaching army stood the boy's arch nemesis. The one who stole his family, the one who had denied him all happiness just like the enemy's family had done before him. Hatred surged through the boy's body, taking over all thought and feeling. No longer did the men around him matter. No longer did his life matter. Only the thought of revenge engulfed the boy's mind, stopping all else.
He ordered the charge.
The men ran forward with him at their lead.
Suddenly, the army that had been before them was now all around them. The enemy had brought hidden reinforcements.
The scene went black around the boy, and when it cleared again, the boy was bruised and battered. He was alive, but utterly alone, surrounded by the corpses of his men. Blinded by his anger and hatred, he had rushed in to an obvious trap with little concern for the men he commanded. It had ended in disaster.
Tears streamed down the boy's face. Too much had his young eyes seen, and too much blood was on his small hands.
Behind him, his friend, wounded and battered himself, was watching the boy intently. Everything in the boy's head was a blur. Nothing made any sense. In trying to defeat a monster, he had ignored his own demons for too long. Now he was becoming a monster himself. He saw his friend form the words, "this was not your fault," but the boy knew the truth of the matter...and it was too much for his young mind to handle.
The boy shook his head as he backed away from his friend.
"Jenkins?" the young man looked concerned.
"My name's not Jenkins," the boy had dishonored that name...blackened it. Blackened it just like a...he looked at the card in his hand, "my name is Spade."
*****
Spade was jerked awake by someone shaking him violently. It took several seconds for his worn mind to register what the angry man was screaming at him.
"Where is he, boy??" the soldier's anger was evident in the way he shook. "Where is your partner??"
So...he DID get away...maybe he was able to get Andy out too...Spade smiled to himself. "I have no idea," he answered honestly, but he was unable to hide just how happy he was. This battle was his from long ago. If Radan didn't have Barden, his safety had been secured. He had probably rescued the Princess, and Spade could let go. He felt his life slipping from his grip, and was now ready to let it go completely.
Angered, the soldier flung him to the ground. "I guess we'll just have to go question the princess again...it was probably a plan of hers to begin with...we won't go as gently this time," he finished with a disgusting sneer.
"No!" They still had Andolyn. Barden hadn't made it to her yet. With the last of his wavering strength, staying conscious by the pure adrenaline rushing through his veins, Spade launched himself at the guard, dragging the man to the ground. "You will not harm her!!"
But Spade's threat was empty. It was obvious that his final attack had drained him of everything. With little effort, the guard grabbed Spade by the throat, and pinned him against the wall of the cell.
"Oh, won't I, brat??" the soldier landed a hard punch to Spade's ribcage, breaking more of his already destroyed body.
Suddenly, there was an explosion, and vaguely, through steadily fading eyes, Spade caught a glimpse of Barden and a figure in black leaping through a newly created hole in the wall of his cell. The last thing he heard was a familiar voice yelling his name before the world went dark.
*****
Barden watched the scene unfold through Spade's cell window as Kellan, dressed all in black, set the explosives by the wall. The small group of shadowy men behind him almost seemed to hold their breath.
The bard grew more and more angry with each stroke made against his battered friend. Then the guard threatened Andolyn, and though he was angry enough to do much the same, Barden marveled at the vicious attack on the man given Spade's current state. Just as Kellan called for him to step back, Barden watched the man further injure Spade. A light, red spray covered the ground in front of the thief even as Barden was retreating.
At the same time, Barden and Kellan jumped through the opening in the wall. All of the guards had been knocked out or killed by the blast.
"Spade!" Barden called. Kellan got to the fallen man before him, though and knelt, checking for a pulse. Without hesitation, Kellan wrapped Spade's body in a blanket he had brought and lifted him, running out the broken bars and down the hallway. "Kellan!?" Barden ran along behind him.
"He's alive," the man didn't stop, "but barely! We've got to get the princess and get him out of here!" The other team of Undergrounders stationed in Darbinshire had entered the castle through another entrance of Ebony's creation, and were searching for the Princess. They knew that once the attack on the castle began, the princess would soon be made to suffer. They had to get to her first.
As they ran, they were met by one of Kellan's men and a young, blonde woman about the same age as Andolyn.
"We've found her," the man stated breathlessly as he reached them. He glanced quickly at Spade's lifeless form in Kellan's arms. "Dear, God," he breathed, wide eyed.
"Hurry," was Kellan's only response as they shot off down the hallway in the new direction.
When they rounded a final hallway, it became apparent by the number of men standing defensively outside the room that they had arrived at the princess's location. The guards had already been dispatched and were lying on the ground by the feet of the new watchers, Ebony at the head of them.
Barden began running for the door when he heard the princess’s sobs. Without hesitation, he busted into the room. A startled Andolyn lifted her head as a new flood of tears filled her eyes—only this time, from joy and surprise rather than grief and remorse. She ran and embraced Barden as though she hadn’t seen him in years.
The young man scanned the girls face, and felt his own growing very hot when he saw the cuts on her forehead and lip that matched the steadily blackening left eye.
“Don’t worry,” she giggled, offering her broken hand as evidence, “I already took care of it.” Ebony rounded the door and was met with a similar greeting to Barden’s. “I was so worried,” she continued, “He told me you were…” Upon looking around though, Andolyn’s joy faltered. “Where’s Spade?” She only needed the anguished look on Barden’s face to tell her what she needed to know. “Where is he?” she demanded.
Ebony motioned out the door. The man in black slid into the room with Spade’s unconscious body still draped over his arms. Andolyn’s hands went to her mouth to stifle the scream that was building up inside her throat; Barden wrapped his arms around hers to keep her from falling.
“He’s alive,” Barden assured her, “but we need to get him out of here.”
With that, the small group hurried out into the dark hallway, and using the strategically placed decoy explosions on the other side of the castle near the dungeons, they made their way carefully out with Kellan leading the way.
*****
where will they go? to the Emporium with it's vast expanse of space and secrecy, or to Kellan's house where a simple blacksmith is supposed to live, or to another place of refuge? You decide!
Last edited by Andolyn on Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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Okayy.. That was a very fast paced chapter. That ain't necessarily bad though. It was short, concise and to the point, and that helps. I really want to know more about Spade's past though.
To the Emporium!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks for the comment, Vishal!! and dont worry...the rest is coming relatively soon...ish...lol! but in bits & pieces like it has been so far...do you like that approach?
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:42 am Post subject: I think...... |
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An interesting read indeed. I'm liking the character developments as well as the swift plot movements. Can I have a Machine? It sounds fun *Grin*
I must say, to get the hellabaloo OUT of the city before the doors close. I know Spade needs treatment, but staying in the city is too dangerous. So, Ebony needs to grab some of her more friendly potions, and they need to find refuge outside the city walls. Perhaps some of the Underground could spread rumors about the princess still being in the city so the Prince keeps his eye facing inwards rather then beyond his walls.
Keep up the good work.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks, Pope!! i was hoping the further we went along the more you'd find what you're after. =) Spade is by far the most complex character i've ever created...i hope you all enjoy discovering more about him as much as i like telling you about him. =) We're now coming into the intense, faster paced portion of the story. all introductions of critical characters have been made and established, so now it's on to the real action!! =D
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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| the prince doesnt know about the Emporium...but that will be explained more later. a safehouse outside the city is a novel idea though! i like it. =)
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:51 am Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: | | thanks for the comment, Vishal!! and dont worry...the rest is coming relatively soon...ish...lol! but in bits & pieces like it has been so far...do you like that approach? |
No, because I want to know everything :/
And that's exactly what you should want a reader to say. Great work An! The chapter was very well written, like the rest of the story. My only concern was the "rushed" part, but I really do think its okay. It wasn't too rushed, but I just expected another fantastic, can't-take-my-eyes-oof chapter, and ended up reading one that was a little rushed.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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It's time to use the time honored traditional hide out of rebels and thieves...Quick to the sewers*!
*Or other miscellaneous underground tunnels.
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Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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haha weeell, they are the "Underground"!! haha!
Vishal: thanks for that! and i'll be sure to keep in mind the rushing thing as we go forward. =)
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 9:23 am Post subject: |
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Ok, I know I haven't read the original but I'm finally getting the sense we're covering new ground thanks to DPs. (I could be wrong )
This is getting better as it goes and it was good to start with. Love how Spade isn't being made out to be a superhuman and is showing his weaknesses. His background blurb was cool, yes, but who would put a 14 yr old in charge of anyone??? Still good stuff nevertheless.
DP: Run to the hills where a friendly band of renegade riders have shamanistic healers that may aide them.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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| haha the last two chapters are totally new, yes. =) i really dont like my original of this section, but that's all i could think of. haha! so THIS is the true purpose of this SG for me...helping me with the parts III dont like. lol!! i think from here on out, there will be a good mixture of new things and original. hope you like! =)
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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This is another wonderful chapter, Andi! And continuing on from the previous chapter, it's definitely some of your best work. And I apologise that it's taken me so long to reply. Damn internet is playing me up something terrible.
Not sure how long this ability to post will last, so I'll have to be brief, and get straight to the DP.
I say go back to Kellan's house. They should be safe enough, as long as they're not followed or betrayed. And I want to get to know Kellan more. Still love Barden! He's so adorable!
Keep up the good work, my friend!
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Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks Tika!! well, it looks like thats all of the usuals...so lets go ahead & poll!!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:48 am Post subject: |
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WAIT A SECOND.
I just read through the whole story again once, and I think we all forgot about the whole "Queens do the ruling with the king by her side" (Its at the first chapter). Logically, Andolyn should be the next ruler, and hence, should have more power over the guards than Radan does. If she hates Radan so much, she can marry him and have him killed.
But then, they aren't married yet, which means Radan still has power over the guards. If Radan still wants to marry us(which I doubt, seeing that we've been involved with Spade), we can marry him and have him killed instantly.
Im sorry, these suggestions are probably pointless, but this one piece of info is something we shouldn't forget.
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:19 am Post subject: |
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| Vishal Muralidharan wrote: | If Radan still wants to marry us(which I doubt, seeing that we've been involved with Spade), we can marry him and have him killed instantly.
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Us??! WE??! o.O
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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The castle walls shook with the echoes of the explosions. This caused Andolyn to lose her footing as she and the escapees retreated through a tunnel that led to the lower grounds, but she was quickly pulled to her feet by one of the shadowy men behind her. Kellan ran in front, his mind, a storm of worry, but his face was stony and determined for the sake of those he was leading. Spade was fading fast in his arms, and Kellan was unsure if his skill would be enough to bring the thief back from the brink of death, but he refused to give up until Spade was healed or his heart stopped completely. For this reason, Kellan rushed, and didn't bother to hide which way he was heading. He knew that several of his men were coming behind to hide their tracks.
The group burst out of the tunnel as a final shake announced the grand finale of the explosions and the retreat of their comrades. They prayed for safe return of the rest as they moved onwards to get away from the wicked prince and his followers.The foggy night outside the castle was treacherous, but for the purposes of the small band of men and women heading across the fields surrounding Darbinshire that night, the cover was more than welcome.
The ragtag team had barely escaped thanks to the cover of the men in the Underground, some of which ran alongside them now. Barden struggled to keep in step with the group as he became lightheaded from loss of blood and exhaustion. Andolyn, running on adrenaline, was still in high gear, but the pain of her head and hand were growing steadily. Ebony supported her friend as best she could while still trying to match Kellan's hurried pace.
In the blacksmith's arms, Spade shivered in a fevered state of unconsciousness. The blanket Kellan had wrapped the boy in didn't keep out the chill of the August night completely. They needed help, and soon, if Spade was to survive this one. Kellan was the most skilled of the healers in the Underground--necessity on the battlefield had made him such--but even as skilled as he was, there was nothing Kellan could do out here in the dark and damp.
Next in the line behind Kellan, was Andolyn. In the moonlight, she could see Spade's hair from where his head rested on Kellan's shoulder. One of the young man's arms hung down to the side as Kellan ran. The girls sense of guilt and remorse grew with every step the group took. It consumed her mind until all she saw was Spade's ghostly face, and all she could hear were the screams she now knew to be his that had chilled her so while she waited in her cell earlier that day. No longer was Andolyn running to safety with her friends. No, she was in the midst of the tortures in her own mind, and to Andolyn, that's right where she deserved to be. This was all her fault. The reason Kellan and the Underground had risked their lives to come and save them, the reason Barden struggled behind her now...the reason Spade was dying...was her.
As they ran, up ahead, a small light became visible out in the distance. Kellan paused, and with a subtle motion of his hand, two of his men sprang forward to investigate the source. While they were gone, Andolyn slid her way over to Barden. Still in shock, she said nothing, but in the dim light of the full moon, Barden could see her green eyes gazing at him intently.
With a halfhearted smile, Barden grabbed the girl into a hug and held her there. With their heights, his face rested on the top of her head. The light, golden threads of her hair were soft and comfortable to his battered skin, and he found the sweet smell of them relaxing.
"I'm alright, Andy," he whispered into her hair, "and I'm so glad you're safe." He felt her thin shoulders begin to tremble, and then to shake with silent sobs that wracked her entire body. Andolyn's mind was closing in on her, shutting down, and Barden knew it. Spade wasn't the only one in need of saving that night. Barden ran a strong hand through the girl's hair, which caused the air around them to be filled with the smell of freesia, and held her throughout the silent anticipation of the scouts' return.
When the two came back, they spoke to Kellan in hushed tones. Kellan turned to the rest of the weary group.
"There's a small encampment of Allabain up ahead, if they don't have a healer, they'll definitely have something I can use to work on him until we make it to the Underground," Kellan told them. At the mention of the Allabain, Ebony lit up. It had been long since she'd been among her people.
Onward they trudged, moving with slightly more hope than they had before. When they neared the camp, Ebony went before the others. She found a watchman at the edge of the camp and spoke to him hurriedly in their own language, telling him of their plight. She then turned and whistled for the others to follow her.
The camp was bright and flamboyant, as was the culture of the Allabain, despite their being hunted by Radan. The wooden covered wagons that served as their homes were made into a circle around an inviting blaze. Colorful banners and ribbons decorated the wagons as if there was a festival of some sort. Such was not the case, but the Allabain make it a practice to celebrate every day as if it were the last they would be granted...they never knew when that would be true.
The travelers entered cautiously and were greeted by stares from everyone in the camp. Their appearance had hushed all music and put an end to all celebration. The watchman came to Kellan, looked Spade over quickly with great gravity in his eyes, and lead Kellan into a wagon near the back of the encampment, away from the others.
A few of the women rushed on Andolyn and Ebony, tending to the small wounds on Andolyn's face and head. They took them into the wagons and got them dry, new clothes and sat them by the fire with mugs of the stuff Ebony had given them on their way into the castle. One of the old women stayed by Andolyn's side, holding her hand and giving her words of encouragement in the Allabain language. She laid colorful, beaded necklaces around Andolyn's neck, kissing each one softly before she did so.
"She's giving you luck and blessings," Ebony explained, "The beads deflect evil, mischievous spirits. The kisses are said to enhance a person's inner good." Those words caused tears to form in Andolyn's eyes again. At that moment, she felt as though she had no inner good. Toward herself, she only felt a miserable, wretched hatred.
For Andolyn, it was as though she was in a dream. Nothing registered in her mind; she simply went and did as she was told until she was left with Ebony, staring into the blaze.
Barden's wounds, too, were tended and he was eventually deposited by the fire next to Ebony. His cuts were deeper than he remembered on his first assessment, but then many of them had been ripped wider during the rescue mission.He felt instantly refreshed by the sheer atmosphere, but the weight on his heart was heavy.
Andolyn had yet to speak since she'd seen Spade, and now it was as though she wasn't even with them. Despite his efforts on the way to this stopping point, Barden sensed that they were losing Andolyn too. He wondered what was happening in that tiny wagon at the back of the camp, and knew that Spade's recovery was the only thing that would break the princess from the prison she had built in her own mind.
They didn't have to wait too long before Kellan and the healer emerged. Kellan's men moved in closer to the trio sitting by the fire so as to include them in hearing what was happening.
"It's bad," he sighed heavily, rubbing his head, "Much worse than I'd originally thought. I can't treat him here." Andolyn stood and tears began streaming down her face. The elderly woman stood next to her, still holding her hand with an arm around her waist in a comforting gesture. "The healer has offered to give us a ride to the hideout...It will make covering our tracks far more difficult for the men behind us, but I feel our need of haste outweighs that risk."
Without much further discussion, the group readied themselves, said their thank yous and goodbyes to the Allabain, and headed out once again.
Before she entered the wagon, the elderly woman stopped Andolyn and took both of her young hands in her tired, wrinkled ones and kissed them each. When she released the girl, Andolyn noticed that there was now something cool and smooth in her hand. It was a small, round stone with an image carved into it. Andolyn was sure she'd seen the image before, but her mind was too clouded to remember where.
"You!" the woman's look was a mixture of adoration and urgency to get her point across. Andolyn gave a small wave of thanks to the woman before Barden shut the wagon door behind her.
*****
When the sun rose through the stained glass skylights of the Underground's Darbinshire base the next morning, Andolyn, Ebony, and Barden waited anxiously while Kellan worked tirelessly in the next room to help Spade as he battled for his life. Barden and Ebony chatted quietly, but Andolyn, who still viewed herself to be the cause of the entire ordeal, hadn’t spoken a word since she laid eyes on Spade’s broken body. She only sat staring out one of the small windows cut into the side of the hill.
Barden and Ebony's conversation was interrupted when Kellan entered the room. Without waiting for him to speak, Andolyn slid around him and into the room where Spade was sleeping uneasily.
“I’ve done everything I can for him,” Kellan sighed. “It’s up to Spade now. He has to decide to live, and God has to decide to let him.”
This was not exactly the news they were hoping for, but Barden and Ebony knew that Spade was strong.
Kellan had made his way to the sink to wash the blood off his hands. It was then that Barden noticed the half dollar sized scar on the top of Kellan’s wrist—this was not the quiet man’s first encounter with the Prince’s machine. Out of the corner of his eye, Kellan spotted Barden’s gaze.
“It uses an electric current,” he stated simply. Barden stared at the floor. “I haven’t completely figured it out yet, but from what I can tell, it sends a high volume of electricity through the body, but that isn’t all it does. Electric shock doesn’t account for all the damage it produces.” He paused here to dry his hands and take a seat near Ebony and Barden. “I’ve seen it used several times on several people, all of which were at the top of the Prince’s most wanted list. I’ve never seen it taken this far though. I knew Radan hated Spade...but this? It's barbaric even for him.”
Outside of helping Andolyn, Barden could think of nothing in their history together that would have offended the prince to this degree, and if his affiliation with the princess was the cause of the pain inflicted on the young man, why had Barden not received the same treatment?
*****
Ebony provided all of the meals for everyone that day. After each meal, they would take turns making a plate for Andolyn. The evening meal was Barden’s round, so he filled a plate and entered the small room where Andolyn still sat next to Spade. He paused in the doorway to process the scene. Spade, still deathly pale and unconscious, lay beneath the warm blankets on the bed. Andolyn sat next to him holding his hand; her head rested on their clasped hands. In the candlelight Barden could see the tracks of tears on her cheeks as she stared blankly at the floor. The plates from the previous meals sat on the small table across the room, untouched.
“This was not your fault,” he said softly. The only response the princess made was to lift her reddened eyes to briefly meet his. “We knew the risks, Princess. We all did what we had to do.” Barden knew these words did nothing to ease the girl’s heartache, but he had no idea what else to say. Truthfully, there was nothing he could have said. Andolyn’s worst fear had exploded into reality. Her friends had been made to suffer more on her behalf, and right now the odds of Spade losing his life were heavily weighted against him. Barden sat the food on the side table next to Andolyn then laid his hand on her back before returning to the room where Ebony and Kellan waited for him.
When he had gone, Andolyn turned her face toward Spade. Tenderly, she tucked a loose strand of his golden hair behind his ear with her free hand. At her touch, Spade took a deep breath, but remained still otherwise; the rattling had given way to a light wheezing. More tears poured from Andolyn’s eyes.
The candle on Spade's bedside table flickered, struggling to remain lit.
“Please, don’t leave me,” Andolyn begged. “Not like this.”
*****
And now we come to a waiting game...what happens now? Do they simply wait to discover Spade's fate? Does Barden go out and help the Underground ensure that they remain undiscovered? Something else? Your decision!!
Last edited by Andolyn on Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:27 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:38 am Post subject: |
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Another fab chapter, Andi!
I'm intrigued by the stone given to Andolyn by the old woman, and I'd actually like to know more about the image carved into it. Is it an image that will only be familiar to Andolyn herself, or to us as readers, I wonder?
For the dp, I think they should remain at the Underground, while Spade's life still hangs in the balance, and wait to see what happens there. But also, I think that they should try and lure Andolyn away from his bedside for a little while. Maybe just to try and put it to one side of her mind for a little while, to ease the guilt. And when that happens, for them all to have a discussion, and talk about themselves. It'll be a great opportunity to find out more about Kellan and Ebony, and even Barden really. Though we're familiar with his personality and the like, I think it would be nice to hear something about his past and such, even if it's just something normal. And I do want to know more about Kellan.
Looking forward to the next one! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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I really hate DP's like these. I never get a solution, or I get too many. I am gonna end up f5-ing Tika. :/ That, and try to find out what the carving on the stone is. Ask the others if they know anything bout the carving.
Anyway, GREAT chapter, An! I'll look forward to the next one
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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thanks for the feedback, guys!! and btw, after reading Lil's comment, ((and i plan to do this with the entire story at a later date)) i went back on this chapter and...enhanced it...shall we say. =) so even if you've already read it, give it another go and let me know what you think. =)
thanks for following guys!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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| last chance to get in on the suggestions!! polling will begin tomorrow! =)
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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Loving it so far An, but that last chapter came too quick for me... I gotta catch up again before I can comment much further and my reading time budgeted is falling a bit short at the moment if I want to get a chapter written this weekend Be back with more to say soon.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| aaaaaannnnnd POLLING!!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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Broke a tie
I'm beginning to realize I need to read into this tale a lot of parallels that you may be indicating. That said, it gives some of the comments in these chapters more purpose and meaning and grants insight as to the cause for some of the more... erm... tender... moments to be drawn out as they are. I may have felt they had been drawn out a bit too long but I can see how they really form the core of the purpose of the tale so in that, it makes more sense. This is not just an action fantasy but a mirrored glimpse into RL, no? In this case, the story is quite well delivered.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Why thank you, T. =) yes...if you read the author's note and prologue of the original tale, it explains a lot of the purpose of the story as a whole. I've said it before that the people in this story are all real...but i might have forgotten to mention that most of the events are at least based on reality as well. this story was written as a way for me to lay out my heart before those i love. i know some of the things written here wont make sense to everyone...but to the real people involved, these words mean everything. =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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The silence in the room where Barden sat with Ebony and Kellan was as deep as the night outside the Underground's base the following night. The only sounds were the ticking of the clock on the fireplace's mantle and the swish of Ebony's knife as she whittled away at some wood in her hand, carefully crafting a new set of arrows with some stones she'd found outside earlier that day.
The sound of the group waiting was slowly driving Barden insane. He jumped to his feet suddenly, "Why are we just sitting here?? Why aren't we doing something?? There has to be something we can do...something besides sitting here waiting for Spade to die..." He finished, leaning against the fireplace.
Ebony sighed. She'd been thinking much the same thing herself as she sat there working her craft. She'd only met Spade once, but he was one of their companions. That wasn't the only thing that angered Ebony about this situation though. She had never before seen Andolyn in this state. The girl had come through some incredible hardships, and always managed to wear a smile through them...but not this time. This occurrence had crippled the girl in a way that Ebony had never seen. Andolyn's pain angered her.
Kellan stared at the floor, deep in thought. His grey-blue eyes studied the soft grain of the wood beneath him.
"There's one thing we could do..." Kellan stroked his fire red goatee as he spoke. "There's a man...Ferris...the creator of the Machine..."
"What??" Barden and Ebony both stared at the calm man seated by the fire, but it was Barden who spoke. "You knew who created that thing all along and didn't deal with him??"
"That proposition had crossed my mind," Kellan didn't look up, "But until now, the Machine hasn't caused any serious damage...only minor pain." He paused, taking a deep breath. "This though...this...brutality...it calls for action. Who knows how far he'll take it next time...especially if he were to get his hands on one of us leaders again...or..."
Andolyn.
No one needed to say it, because it's what they were all thinking. They all knew that if she were captured again, the girl's suffering would be greater than anything they dared imagine, and it would end in her death.
"Aside from that," Kellan continued with a shudder, shaking off the anger that flared from the mere thought of that pig laying a hand on her again, "Ferris is heavily guarded. Until now, what could be gained from an attack on him wasn't worth the loss of life that is sure to go along with it." Kellan stood, raising his arms and stretching his long, thin body to its full height before turning toward the hall. The talk of Andolyn, though only hinted, had given him a desire to see the girl again. Besides, he rationalized to himself, It’s about time I checked on Spade again anyways…
"You all make the decision...do we attack or wait here? I'm going to check on them while you decide." With that, he strode down the hall to where Spade and Andolyn were staying.
*****
Andolyn sighed as she sat with her head laying next to Spade's arm. She longed for sleep, but couldn't bring herself to leave him...not even by her state of consciousness.
Kellan entered the room, but stayed by the door.
“You must really care for him,” Kellan’s shy voice was so soft it was almost a whisper.
“Yeah,” the princess sighed. Her heart ached as she watched Spade struggle just to breathe, but Kellan was pleased that she was at least speaking. “It feels like I’m sitting here watching my brother. He and Barden are both my family now. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for them. At this point, I don’t know that I would even be alive without them.”
“Well,” Kellan moved slightly closer to the girl, “Take it from someone who knows a thing or two about Spade. Going into that castle last night was his choice. Whatever it is that you three are trying to accomplish, he saw it as important enough to lay down his life. He sees you as important enough to lay down his life. Otherwise, there is nothing you could have done to get him in that castle. That’s just the way he has always been. He went because you are that important to him. You were going into that castle, and there’s nothing anyone could have done to keep him from following you.”
Andolyn nodded, but stayed silent otherwise. Her right hand ached from the broken bones, and she couldn’t move any of her fingers. Kellan watched the girl wince when she attempted movement of the appendage. He marveled at the girl's tolerance of such pain, knowing she must be in agony.
“Let me see that,” Kellan took the injured hand in his. “We’re going to have to set that...and it's going to hurt. I’m assuming you don’t want to leave him, so I’ll have to do it right here..I’m very sorry for this, Milady.”
Even though she did her best to hold it in, Barden heard one scream from out in the other room where he was still waiting. He burst through the door to see Andolyn biting her lip with tears of pain streaming down her face. Kellan worked busily to set the shattered bones with a make-shift cast he had made earlier that day.
“Andy?” Barden’s forehead was creased with worry.
“She’ll be alright,” Kellan promised him, a deep frown still adorning his own lips. “She’s a strong one. I’m betting the prince’s face didn’t fare too well with a force that strong pummeling it.”
“No,” Andolyn laughed through her tears, “He was fairly quick to call a guard.”
“There,” Kellan sat back, “That should do it, Milady. Just be careful with that.” He shook a long finger at the princess. He then leaned down and kissed her left hand just above the scar from the prince’s guard. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
Kellan and Barden retreated from the room together.
“I still can’t believe she did that,” Barden shook his head, “and all because she thought the prince had killed us.”
“I can,” Kellan said knowingly, “She cares a great deal for you two, that’s easy to see by the way she’s hovering over Spade. I know she’d be doing the same thing if it were you.”
Barden nodded with a flash of a tender smile.
“It will break her heart if he dies,” Kellan continued.
“It will break more than just her heart,” Barden mumbled. “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to think about what life would be without him.”
Now it was Kellan’s turn to nod as the two of them continued down the hall in silence. In truth, after all of their history, the loss of Spade would break Kellan’s heart as well.
By this time, they'd made it back to the room where Ebony was waiting.
"Well?" Kellan sighed, "What are we doing?"
*****
there you have it...what ARE we doing? full on attack on Ferris's well-guarded home? or will we cut our losses and hope for the best? you decide!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Another very cool chapter! I'm liking that Kellan is playing a larger part as the story goes on. I can see him becoming a very interesting character, and am looking forward to seeing him develop more as it continues. *coos over Barden* So sweet, so protective. Love him!
This one thing caught my eye, though it is very minor...
| Quote: | | The sound of the group waiting was slowly driving Barden insane. He jumped to his feet suddenly, "Why are we just sitting here?? Why aren't we doing something?? There has to be something we can do...something besides sitting here waiting for Spade to die..." He finished, leaning against the fireplace. |
I think a full-stop after 'suddenly', and then start a new line with the dialogue.
Okies, dp time...I think they should go to see Ferris, but maybe no go with the intention of going in with all guns blazing, though I think they should be well prepared for a fight, just the same, in case things don't go to plan. Take a large group of people, but have most of them on standby, should they run into trouble. A small group should try and discreetly enter the castle, and attempt to get to Ferris in that way.
Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:47 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks for the comment, Tika!! if there are no more, i'll hopefully have the new chapter up this evening. =)
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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I'm afraid I feel we don't know enough about this guy to make that call effectively. Ok, so he's well guarded. But how to measure our own might vs theirs?
I say we send an initial foray in to attempt a diplomacy with Ferris, if he can be approached in such a manner. And if he can't, we should scout it out first so we can make a strong stealth invasion plan. Either way we need to do it quickly.
Still enjoying this read An!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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***Sorry, T! I was coming to post the new chapter when I spotted your reply! Hopefully you'll find this chapter satisfactory. =)***
Within ten minutes, the trio was out the door, slipping through the solid black of the night to the city’s outskirts and the home of Ferris, maker of the Machine. With them was a small group of Undergrounders who also had grudges against this man. Ebony strode with a set of long knives strapped to her back and a full supply of her battle potions to help with their quest. Barden wore only his broadsword. Kellan, still wishing to have the prince remain ignorant to his involvement with this most recent uprising, wore his black outfit which hid his face. To his back, his dreaded crossbow was strapped, and at his side was his own broadsword.
After what seemed like an eternity, lights from the houses of Darbinshire’s suburbs could be seen. As they got closer to their target house, the group had to be watchful for patrols of Radan’s men circling the city’s perimeter. Once, Kellan had to pull Barden back in order to avoid being spotted by a particularly silent troop.
It was obvious when they reached the house they were targeting. All around it were soldiers. Everywhere they looked, a sword was being polished, men were marching, or patrols were being made. In all, forty men were outside of the little farm house. Barden and Ebony now understood Kellan’s reluctance to come here; Radan had made sure getting to Ferris would not be an easy task.
Kellan called for a huddle behind a woodpile on the very edge of the property.
“Alright,” he sighed, shaking his head, “it’s obvious Radan hasn’t lost the use of this man, which could prove to be a good thing if we can make it out of here with him alive.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. His first instinct was to go back to the base for reinforcements, but time was not on Spade’s side, and they had already burned up two precious hours just getting here. They didn’t have that kind of time.
“Leader?” one of the shadowy men who’d accompanied them spoke up, “Abberton and me could cause a diversion out front while you all get in the back…”
Kellan was silent for a moment. He knew that it was a good plan, and it was the only way to be certain that some of them would make it in the house…but he also knew it was suicidal.
“If you bring some of the soldiers down on yourselves, they’ll all be on you. There’s no way the two of you will be able to take on all—” He was interrupted by the one called Abberton.
“Kellan,” it was obvious from this man’s voice that he was an older gentleman—and a wise one, at that. “I’ve followed you in battle and out for more than five years. Before you, I followed that brave young man lying back there in the base, and before him, I served his parents faithfully. I’ve seen a lot of horrors in the time I’ve fought these tyrants. I’ve also seen the sacrifices you’ve all made to keep things from getting worse and to make things better…let an old man give what he can in return.”
Kellan was grateful for the black mask that hid his face; at that moment, it also hid the silent tears that were making their way down his cheeks. Abberton had indeed been by his side for his reign as leader of the Underground. He’d been a mentor for Kellan and for Spade. He’d even been a guide for Spade’s parents while they lived. Kellan knew that the old man was right. As painful as it was, Abberton’s plan was the only chance they had of making it past the guards and into the house. Kellan would make one slight adjustment, though.
“All those willing will make a frontal assault with Abberton, make yourselves known,” fighting to keep his voice even, Kellan continued, “The more people there are, the longer the guards will be kept busy while we make our way in to see Ferris, and the more likely we are to bring everyone home safely. Who’s willing to go?” Kellan took a steadying breath when all of his men raised their hands…including Barden. He nodded.
“Alright, then, you seven will attack from the front. Ebony and I will make our way around to the back and enter once the commotion’s started.”
That was the plan, and it was executed beautifully. Ebony and Kellan made their way in a wide circle surrounding the little farm to the back of the property where ten more guards stood in their way. They didn’t have to wait long before some of Allington’s explosives began to sound at the other end of the lawn. Suddenly aroused, some wakened from sleep, the soldiers at the back ran to see about the commotion leaving only three for Kellan and Ebony to deal with.
Kellan made quick work of them with his crossbow, and soon, he and Ebony were quickly closing in the gap between themselves and the small house. Kellan kicked in the door with one of his heavily booted feet, and Ebony jumped through the opening with potions in hand. She threw one at a pair of guards over to the side of the table, and the men fell to the ground screaming in agony while the other was thrown at the guard who was now running at her. He fell too, but instead of screaming in pain, this man was fast asleep.
The only person left in the room was a small, round, little man cowering behind a workbench. While Ebony watched the doors, Kellan advanced on him, ready to beat answers out of him, when he noticed something that made him halt in his tracks.
The small man, Ferris, wasn’t sitting at the desk by his own choice. He was chained there.
“Please!” the man squeaked, “whoever you are, please help me! They’ve got my family!”
Without a word, Kellan drew his sword, and to the horror of Ferris, he raised the weapon high above his head. When he brought it down, the chain was severed, and Ferris was left standing there, quaking in his boots.
“We need your help,” Kellan’s voice was harsh in his haste. “My friend was nearly killed by your Machine…and he may yet die. We need to know how to combat its effects.”
Ferris’s eyes fell as he slouched back into the chair to which he’d been chained only seconds before. He looked suddenly very old—not like a man aged by time, but like one who had seen horrors unknown…one who’d created those horrors.
“I’m so sorry,” he didn’t look up. “There’s nothing you can do for your friend now. The effects are irreversible.”
Ebony had been listening from her perch by the door, but could hold back no longer.
“How could you create such a damnable thing?” anger flashed across her chocolate eyes. “How could you?? Do you know how many lives you’ve destroyed with that…that thing?”
Ferris began to weep, and Ebony’s anger deflated instantly with his next words.
“It wasn’t supposed to be used for that,” he sobbed. “My gifts were in designing technology to help with medicine and farming, but the prince corrupts anything good in this cursed place.” Here, Ferris met Kellan’s gaze. “He took my family. I know where they’re being held, but there was nothing I could do. They held me here, and said that if I did anything they didn’t like, my wife and daughters would die.”
Ferris couldn’t continue. He broke into uncontrolled sobs.
“Please, I beg you,” he pleaded, “Help me save my family.”
Kellan was about to answer, but he was cut off by the screams of his men from outside the house. Dragging Ferris with him, Kellan and Ebony raced to the door and flung it open. The sight that met them haunted Kellan for years thereafter.
The signs of battle were everywhere. Blood and fire decorated the scene, and the Undergrounders were all scattered in various places around the yard, all surrounded by the bodies of men they’d slain. One though, was in the middle. Abberton lay lifeless on the ground. Over him, holding a bloodied dagger stood a scrawny, depraved man in worn travel clothes. Kellan knew him immediately.
Willand.
The assassin stood with his legs spread, ready to spring at the next person who dared approach him. His black hair hung in his face, and from behind the oily strands, red irises glared out with an unrivaled blood lust. In years past, Willand had ground his teeth to pointed spikes that made his appearance truly horrifying. With a wicked grin, he spoke.
“Welcome back, Kellan,” the blood on Willand’s twisted face—the blood of Kellan’s men—made the blacksmith sick and filled him with rage, but before he could react, a cloud of smoke engulfed Willand’s body, and the man was gone.
Kellan stood, reeling. Willand had been there the whole time. How had Kellan not seen? With him among the ranks of all those soldiers, his men hadn't had a chance; that bloodthirsty mongrel had cost more Underground lives than any other working of the prince. Shaking his head, Kellan returned to the moment.
“Abberton??” Kellan ran forward, dropping to his knees beside the old man. He gathered Abberton in his arms and shook him lightly. “Abberton?”
“Thank you,” the words were hoarse, and took a great effort. Kellan started to speak, but the old man shushed him. “Thank you for letting me serve you, Lord Kellan.”
With that, Abberton was gone.
Kellan held him, weeping bitterly and cursing both Willand…and himself. Ebony and Ferris stood by waiting for him to move and watching for reinforcements of the enemy to come. After several minutes, Kellan stood and wiped his face.
The next man Kellan checked was Barden. The young man was surrounded by at least ten men, and was bleeding from a head wound.
"No," Kellan breathed. Losing Abberton was enough to knock the blacksmith flat. Adding on the impending loss of Spade, he didn't think he could take the devastation of having to tell the princess she'd lost both of her protectors and best friends in one night. It would kill her as well.
Kellan's fingers found Barden's neck. Holding them there for a brief second, his heart leaped. The poet's pulse was strong and slow. He was only unconscious.
Quickly, Kellan went from one man to the next. Only two of the seven remained: Barden and Allington, Abberton's son. Both had been knocked unconscious during the battle, and Allington had suffered a slash to his upper arm with a sword.
Despite their desperate hurry, the remaining Undergrounders and Ferris took time to drag their deceased comrades out to the field and bury them. After the hurried funeral, Kellan turned to Ferris and the others.
“Unfortunately, the purpose of our mission tonight was not fulfilled, as Ferris has informed us that there is no cure for the effects of the Machine,” the burden of his position was obvious in Kellan’s voice and mannerisms at that moment, “we lost many dear and faithful friends, but I feel that this night was not in vain. Ferris was freed, and now has an opportunity to rescue his family.”
Kellan paused, examining each of the tired, downcast faces in front of him.
“Now we have a decision to make,” he sighed, “My heart is torn. I wish for nothing more than to accompany Ferris and save his wife and children—they will be in grave peril when the Prince learns of what has transpired here tonight, but then I remember the dire circumstances that brought us here tonight. If we go, will Spade be lost to us before we return? There is nothing we can do for him, but my heart longs to be by his side at this time, none the less.”
Each of the Undergrounders stared at their feet, waiting for another to speak first.
*****
What do we do? Help Ferris recover his family or rush back to comfort Spade in what could be his final hours?
Last edited by Andolyn on Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2011 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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Another fab edition to the story An! Very much enjoyed!
There were a few moments when I felt the drama could possibly be built upon, but none the less, it was very good.
There were also a couple of places where the dialogue needed seperating from the rest of the text. But apart from that, it was beautifully written.
Okay, for the dp...I hate to be unsympathetic towards what Kellan wants, but if there's nothing he can do for Spade, and there is good he can do elsewhere, he should go for the latter. It's the right thing to do, and to not do that is only setting him up for more grief and guilt later on if something happens to them.
Looking forward to the next chappie Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Lilith
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 9:22 am Post subject: |
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First off:
I am so sorry it took me this long to get back on your story. It seems everytime I've snuck into IF to start reading it, some little insane piece of RL that won't leave me alone (Work, personal, my parents) decides to grab me by the ankles and drag me screaming out of IF.
Second off:
The content is great, the chapters are coming along nicely, except, it seems you're rushing through again. The previous one (I am so sorry I wasn't able to comment before, really am.) where you start off? Transitionial text, transitional text, transistional text.Very very very very very much key.
You ended off with:
When he had gone, Andolyn turned her face toward Spade. Tenderly, she tucked a loose strand of his golden hair behind his ear with her free hand. At her touch, Spade took a deep breath, but remained still otherwise; the rattling had given way to a light wheezing. More tears poured from Andolyn’s eyes.
The candle on Spade's bedside table flickered, struggling to remain lit.
“Please, don’t leave me,” Andolyn begged. “Not like this.”
and started the next chapter with:
The silence in the room where Barden sat with Ebony and Kellan was as deep as the night outside the Underground's base the following night. The only sounds were the ticking of the clock on the fireplace's mantle and the swish of Ebony's knife as she whittled away at some wood in her hand, carefully crafting a new set of arrows with some stones she'd found outside earlier that day.
Now if you put those side by side, it seems to jump from the scene with Andi praying and begging for Spade's life to God to some time later with the rest of the group. And here, it would be really easy to insert a small bit of stuff to help bring us (the reader) back to focus on where we left of. It really helps keep the flow of the story coming along, especially when we have slow periouds on IF like it is now.
So perhaps adding something like:
For all Andolyn's silent pleas and occassional sobs on Spade's behalf, there was no change in the young man's condition throughout the next day. Out of respect for the Princess, Barden, Ebony, and Kellan made a silent agreement to let Andy watch over their fallen comrade, but as night fell with no sign of alleviating Spade's condition, worry pressed heavily on them all.
Something with a bit of a review of the end of the last chapter, and a tad bit of foreshadowing on what's to come with the next. Trust me, it helps.
Next, I have a small, small idea that you may decide to use or you may decide to leave out. Give me a flashback or just a small memory of how Kellan came to find out WHO the creator was and maybe you can even link it to his own run in with 'The Machine'. But give me some more details on this.
And with your most recent chapter, I don't think the transitional text is necessary because of the way you have Kellan asking, "Well, what are we doing?" at the end of the one before. PERFECT! It sets the foreground for the next scene to be action, action, action. If you had WANTED to put in more, you could describe the three of them preparing each in their own way for the excursion but it this is fine without it.
You might want to give some more description with the group moving through the forest and such (before they get to the outskirts of the city) silently and so swiftly in the middle of the night. Perhaps dodging some sentries on patrol and such? Or even knocking a couple out so they can continue to move unhibited?
Now that that's done, for your DP:
ACK! What a horrible choice you've given us Andi! *thinks* Send Ebony back to base, to spread the word for more Undergrounders to head for a meeting place that's in the middle between there and whereever Ferris' family is being held, so that the ones still with Kellan can join up with a bigger, deadlier force to get Ferris' family out.
But don't let that inventor out of your sight! He could be lying. So, he stays with Kellan, Barden, and Allington. It may not be the best way to move with two wounded and one old man, but it's the best thing they can do. And they can't go alone without reinforcements. Ebony needs to be the messenger; her they can trust, and Barden wouldn't do well doing nothing back at the base camp.
(I give you full permission to use any or all of what I've suggested in this post. )
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© 2007-2019 Lilith
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| goood...because it will all be used, i assure you. XD
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Comfort spade...go to spade dammit
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Now Polling!!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah... ugh on the choice there. You've managed to give us a solid lose lose proposition and few alternatives to propose. Though that is kinda cool too in that its a challenge to try to find a way to something positive. Sadly, wasn't here for the suggest phase and find the poll all negatives still. But that middle option seemed to be possibly good... not sure where the reinforcements would be. I thought Lil had suggested we send Ebony and a small group to achieve the inventor's objective while the rest return to be with Spade? Was that the middle option?
Anyhow, the one line that sorta bugged me in this:
| Quote: | | That was the plan, and it was executed beautifully. |
It just seemed like a very 'summary' line intended to cover a lot of ground that could have and I feel perhaps should have been more vividly delivered. Perhaps this was so that we could have, instead, a shorter chapter. But since so many are putting forward that shorter is better I suppose I shouldn't point it out as a negative
But on the positive end, this chapter really leads us into a profound sense of hopelessness that a plot can really thrive on. I suspect a brief glimmer of sunshine will break through this intensely dark cloud you've cast over your entire collection of characters and once it does it will feel really relieving. So well done on the darkening shadows in this region of your painting.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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| i'll hopefully have the new chapter up in the next day or two if there arent any more votes. =)
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:24 am Post subject: |
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And I realized that I read through this without commenting again. I love the additions you've made to the story since the last time commented.
Despite the comments on this one, I really did like it. I agree with TBird though about the one-line-description-to-their-whole-plan-which-gave-me-a-feeling-that-the-planning-took-longer-than-execution. I was looking forward to some action there
Well, I voted for this one weeks back (when I actually read it), so I can't break your tie now. Lets just hope it clears up soon, because I really want to see more
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:52 am Post subject: |
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well, i might be able to work with it. XD
and i was intending for that statement to be a leadway into what happened next...but i'll see what i can do to add more action there since that seems to be the general consensus. =) thanks for following, guys! i'll see what i can do with that tie & hopefully have something up tonight or maybe tomorrow!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:10 pm Post subject: Post |
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Yay! Voted, and broke a tie! I can't wait to see more, keep up the good story!
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To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:17 am Post subject: |
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The fire glowing brilliantly in the stone hearth was warm, despite the bitter cold of the January winds outside. The boy, only six years old, sat in the “Base” he’d called home for as long as his young mind could remember. Tonight, something was coming. Something that from what he’d overheard, could change the course of the war if handled correctly. The change would not be immediate, nor would it happen in a few years. This change would be slow and tedious, but it would come.
Tonight, the Underground would come under new leadership, and all in the tiny base prayed that this wasn’t another of Charles Hallam’s wicked tricks. They had been assured that as soon as the leaders arrived, proof of their loyalty would be given, but no one could be certain for their “proof” had been hidden away for as long as possible.
The boy understood that it wasn’t the coming of the new leaders that would bring that slow, toilsome change, but what they brought with them.
Just then, there was a knock on the door—the secret knock of the Underground. After the identities of the newcomers were checked, they were ushered inside and out of the biting cold.
There they stood, a man and a woman, still shivering, and dripping on the floor as the ice from their clothing melted in the warm air of the Base. In the woman’s arms, was what appeared to be a bundle of blankets.
“Well?” the group of well-armed Undergrounders stood defensively in a half circle around the couple. A middle aged man named Abberton spoke with his son Allington right behind him. “Where’s your proof?”
The boy, still sitting on his perch by the fire, watched as the woman slowly unwrapped her bundle. A soft cry of protest came as the chilly air hit the skin of the tiny arm she withdrew from the warm blankets.
Without a word, she showed the baby’s arm to the current leader, and with a gasp, he fell to his knees.
“Kavanagh!”
Kellan didn’t understand the word, but as rapidly as wildfire on the plains of Durstain, the hushed whisper overtook the room and soon, all were on their knees.
The boy stood, moving slowly toward the couple that would be his new leaders. Carefully, he examined the baby. It was nothing special, just a baby. He looked as though he was only a few weeks old. The only spectacular thing about the tiny boy was a small tattoo on his left arm, just below the elbow.
“Do you approve, little one?” The woman’s voice was soft, and sweet. Much like Kellan had often imagined his own mother sounding. He thought for a moment before nodding.
“It’s gonna be awhile before he can hold a sword though. Maybe you should have brought a bigger one.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kellan stood on the banks of the river leading into Darbinshire waiting for his men to make a decision. He hadn’t thought of the day he’d met Spade in a long time. How foolish he’d been that day. His statement had evoked horror from the group behind him, but the woman in front of him had only laughed, and apologized for her mistake.
Spade never grew very large in stature, but his heart was as big and courageous as any other man in Ardara. As they’d grown, the two had become fast friends, and when they were older, Kellan began to respect Spade as the leader he knew the boy could become.
Now, that hope they’d worked so hard to build ever since that night, the change that was finally coming to a climax was losing all hope of completion.
Kellan was brought back to the present moment by a small voice behind him.
“We can’t launch another attack as we are now,” the voice belonged to Ebony. “Let me go back, check on Spade and Andy, and round up some reinforcements. Give me directions to where they’re keeping Ferris’s family, and I’ll meet you there with help.”
Her plan was good, and was unanimously agreed upon. Ebony started out with Allington, and the rest of the group prepared for the coming battle. Ferris spoke as he led the small band forward.
“He’s holding them in cabin about a mile west of here. It’s in a heavily wooded area so it will be easy to surround the place and attack."
“But it will also be easy for the enemy to do the same to us.” Kellan’s voice was heavy in the darkness, “Element of surprise will be key to pulling this off.”
Ferris was right, the place was surrounded by the thick forest that also engulfed the Emporium. The underbrush was cumbersome to the group as Kellan, Barden, and Ferris tried to advance stealthily through to the cabin, but they managed.
They passed no patrols going in and no sign of guards at the perimeter. Kellan guessed the soldiers were all hidden within the cabin’s walls. No sense in drawing attention to the place. There were enough windows that the grounds could be well watched from inside the building.
The trio paused, making themselves as comfortable as possible in the hollow of a large, old willow tree. From this point, they could still see the house, but were far enough away that they couldn’t be seen. The wait for Ebony to return would be long. She had at least four hours of travel ahead of her that night, and the first half would be lengthened by Allington’s injury.
All hope of waiting for backup was smashed, however when one of the soldiers from the attack on Ferris’s home emerged from the trees on the other side of the house. He was badly injured, and would be bringing news of Ferris’s escape to the soldiers holding his family.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two days had passed since the escape from Darbinshire castle. During what was possibly the longest night of her life, Andolyn kept watch over her still unconscious friend while waiting for the others to return from whatever mission had captured their attention yesterday. She only prayed that they were safe, and that they would return to her soon.
Spade’s sleep was sound, but troubled. He often started to cry out, but was calmed by the soft brush of Andolyn’s hand over his forehead and the quiet, gentle shushing she offered.
Several hours into the night, Andolyn needed something to tear her mind away from the horrifying memories of the last few days. She busied herself with replacing the many bandages that covered Spade’s wounds. Starting with the arm that was closest to her, Andolyn removed the bandages, tenderly cleaned each of the still angry looking burns, and replaced clean gauze over the injuries.
It wasn’t until Andolyn reached Spade’s left arm that her mind was truly focused in the little room. Due to the long coat the thief always wore, Andolyn had never seen the bare skin of his arms. There, just below the bend of his elbow was a small but intricate tattoo. To anyone else looking at it, the tattoo was nothing special—just an incomplete, half-moon shaped Celtic knot, but to Andolyn, the symbol was oddly familiar.
Puzzled, the girl rolled her own right sleeve to the elbow. There it was. The same half moon shaped knot, only turned the opposite direction. The mark had been on her arm for as long as Andolyn could remember. She had always assumed it had been there from her birth. Gently, so as not to hurt him, Andolyn laid her arm next to Spade’s. She couldn’t make sense of what she saw: two halves of the same whole—making one, complete, circular design, a design matching the one carved into the stone the Alabain woman had given her.
“Well, isn’t that interesting?” Spade’s hoarse voice made the princess jump.
“Spade!” Without thinking, Andolyn threw her arms around the prone man. He winced and she released him. “Sorry…” He only grinned at her. Tears filled her eyes again at the warm smile that reflected back from those blue-green eyes she had been certain she would never see again.
Spade noted the black eye and cuts on the princess’s face, and his smile faded.
“He hit you,” the comment was simple enough, but the icy hatred behind it made Andolyn shiver.
“Well,” Andolyn stared at her hands, “It was sort of self defense. I mean, he told me he’d killed you and Barden, and I guess I got so angry I just sort of lost control for a minute, and I attacked him…” Andolyn rambled, holding up the heavily wrapped hand.
“But,” Spade interrupted. “He hit you.”
“He only hit me once. Then he had to call his guards since he couldn’t fight me off himself. That’s where this one came from.” She pointed to her forehead. “He sort of had to throw me into the corner of the table to get me to stop.” She grinned sheepishly. Despite his anger, Spade couldn’t help but smile at the girl. She really was a defensive one, but the picture of Andy beating the bejeebies out of the prince just didn’t fit her.
He also noted the reddened tint of Andolyn’s eyes.
“Have you slept at all?” Andolyn shook her head, again staring at the floor. Looking around the room, Spade’s eyes fell on the untouched food. “I’m assuming those weren’t for me.” The princess shook her head again. “Andy…”
Spade laid a hand on hers.
“Look!” Andolyn pointed to the window. Spade’s gaze followed hers. The first rays of the morning sun were dancing in colorful light through the stained glass window. Andolyn smiled at her friend. “It was cloudy last night,” she whispered, “but at least the sun’s up now, and I think the stars will be beautiful tonight.”
*****
Spade lives!! But what do we do about Ferris's family? Do we go ahead and attack? or wait for help, risking action being taken against the women? something else? your decision!
Last edited by Andolyn on Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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Awesomme!!!
I'd say we wait for the back up, and Andolyn asks spade about the mark.
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:19 am Post subject: |
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Finally...
FINALLY.... CAUGHT UP!!!
And it's a story worth catching up to as well... Absolutely amazing!!!!
Aahmm... Judging by what we know, I say they go to save Ferris's family, since Spade lives anyway... but then again, Kellan and his troop don't know so that so the thought of spade "dying" would still influence his decision. However, I think should they be doing the illogical thing in their minds and move on to Ferris's family.
Wow... took a lot of time, but definitely worth it... Im happy now
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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| aww! thanks for the comments, guys! and i'm glad you caught up, Vikas!! good to have you back!
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Lilith
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| Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:24 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | “It’s gonna be awhile before he can hold a sword though. Maybe you should have brought a bigger one.” |
 That's just the cutest thing I've read in the past month. Okay, my gush-like disgusting moment over.
Okay, my DP suggestion, it's a little complicated so if you need clarification, prod me on msn and I'll clear it up
What if one or two of the current company, as well as Kellan sort of.. subsitute themselves as some of the guards after drugging, punching, hauling off and twisting the neck of, ect, some of the real guards, and of course, by subterfuge, get the family OUT?
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© 2007-2019 Lilith
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:51 am Post subject: |
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| Lilith wrote: | | Quote: | | “It’s gonna be awhile before he can hold a sword though. Maybe you should have brought a bigger one.” |
What if one or two of the current company, as well as Kellan sort of.. subsitute themselves as some of the guards after drugging, punching, hauling off and twisting the neck of, ect, some of the real guards, and of course, by subterfuge, get the family OUT? |
Well, I don't need clarification. I withdraw my suggestion of waiting for backup, and i'll go with this one. I still want to know about the tattoos though.
Great idea, Lilith!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this, Andi. But I've explained to you why that is, so I'm sure I can be assured of your forgiveness.
One thing that always pleases me when I read your work, is the effort you make in editing it. The grammar is pretty much always flawless, spellings,layout, etc. Fabulous, and always adds that extra little something when I read your work. Very well done!
As always, this chapter was brilliantly edited and wonderfully written, with good characterisation. There was just one thing for me, and it is a small thing, and doesn't require anything you've written so far to be changed. The point where they make the plan to split up with Ebony, and go to the cabin. I think it would add just a little extra to the chapter to have something about the journey getting there, and the like, even if it is just Kellan pondering over his thoughts as they make their way there. It is a small thing, and not neccessity, but I think it would be beneficial to your tale.
For the dp...Hmmm...it's a tricky one. I think maybe Kellan should send one or two of his men to warn Ebony about the situation, then he and the others should hide themselves as well as possible, to see what the enemy do in reaction to the news. However it pans out, they can then make a plan in conjunction with the reaction. If the enemy decide to leave the cabin, and go out to meet them in attack, they can wait for them to leave, then try to get Ferris's family out. If they add extra guards, Kellan and his men can make a plan to try and overcome them.
Wonderful chapter Andi! Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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| now polling!! votes are appreciated!!
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Midnight
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| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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Hey hey, I finally caught up just in time for the poll. XD
Now let see, substituting seems like a good idea as long as nothing goes wrong that is.
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I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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Thunderbird
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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wow, Midnight!! thanks so much for taking all that time to catch up!! i hope it was worth it! lol
and thanks for the votes everyone!! hopefully i'll have the new chapter out tomorrow...if not, it'll be saturday...i hope. haha!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: | | it'll be saturday...i hope. haha! |
*Sits, looking around while patiently waiting for the next saturday*
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 7:30 am Post subject: Voted |
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All caught up, and voted! Keep up the good work!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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**I deeply DEEPLY apologize for the HUGE delay on this chapter...it's been a much busier holiday season than i'd planned...BUT! I'm back...and itching to get back into the swing of things. =) Forgive the delay, and i hope you'll find this new chapter to your liking!**
At that moment, the answer to his problem strolled out right in front of him. Three soldiers, on the first patrol they’d seen since their arrival at this place, walked casually past where the trio was hiding, never suspecting this place would be found.
Kellan glanced over to Barden with a wickedly mischievous grin. The young man nodded back, and in one motion, the two of them had the two soldiers in the back silently dispatched. Ferris caught on quickly and followed the example with the remaining man.
Again, the men exchanged glances before “borrowing” the clothing of the soldiers they’d just taken down. Grateful for the flamboyant hats on the uniforms that provided covering for their faces, Kellan, Barden, and Ferris made their way confidently down to the house where Ferris’s family was being held.
Ferris’s heart was pounding out of his chest. He couldn’t believe it had come to this. His machine was never meant to be used for such twisted things as torture. This particular device was supposed to heal minor wounds and illnesses, but the prince had found it far more useful as a means of causing pain and suffering. By some minor adjustments and running the machine at almost triple the intended power, instead of healing, the machine sent currents of electricity and powerful alchemy through the body, reversing the intended purpose of healing and bringing total destruction on the body.
That total destruction had been wreaked on the comrade of the men who were walking at his side now. His invention might have killed their friend…so why were they helping him? Ferris didn’t have much time to think on it before the trio was at the door of the cabin.
Kellan extended a strong hand towards the door, allowing it to swing in slowly as the three surveyed the inside of the cabin. Around a large table in the center of the room, the soldiers were gathered listening to their injured comrade tell the story of what had recently taken place at Ferris’s home. Against the far wall, huddled together, were a middle aged woman and three young girls—Ferris’s family.
The group at the table barely noticed the entrance of the three incognito Undergrounders. Angrily, the captain stood up and looked to the four women.
“He knew what would happen if he resigned his position,” the man shouted as he raised his sword and charged at the huddle.
There was no time to form a plan. Action was necessity. Without a second thought, Kellan kicked off the wall behind him and raced toward the far wall, placing himself between the girls and the oncoming attack. A twitch of his finger on the trigger of his crossbow ended the captain, and before the others had time to react, Kellan was already prepared to spring again.
Never since their meeting had Barden witnessed this level of skill from Kellan. He’d always been a silent back force. First, he was the sheltering, planning blacksmith. Then he was the leader of the attack, mostly giving orders while men laid down their lives without question simply because he gave the order. For the first time, Barden was seeing Kellan as his true persona—the leader of the Underground. For the first time, Barden was seeing the man that had earned that title—had earned the right to give orders that would end lives. And for the first time, a grave thought fully sank into the forefront of his mind: this man—this tornado of fury and passion—had once taken orders from Spade. What was the man Barden thought he knew as his best friend really capable of?
As the soldiers reacted, Kellan sprang into action once again. With a move of his thumb, the hilt of Kellan’s broadsword shot from the scabbard and smashed the ribs of the soldier closest to him while at the same time, another arrow pierced the throat of the next. In one fluid motion, Kellan spun, throwing his crossbow from his right hand to his left and drawing the broadsword with his right. A quick slash of the sword took down another soldier on its way out of the sheath, after which Kellan delivered a deadly jab to yet another. Kicking his way past the dead men, Kellan spun his sword over his head, grabbing an arrow with two of his nimble fingers.
In a matter of seconds, the room was empty, save for Kellan, Barden, Ferris, and the women still huddled against the wall. Kellan had fought his way back toward the door, keeping the fighting away from Ferris’s family. He now knelt before Barden, breathless and covered in blood. When the last man fell, so did Kellan. The exhausted man pulled the rusty helmet off of his head and simply lay on his back. The only sounds in the room were the women whimpering, and Kellan’s ragged breathing.
Suddenly, Ferris rushed forward, freeing his girls and hugging them tightly. Barden looked around, shaking off the shock and horror of what he’d just witnessed. In all, twenty men lost their lives by the blade of one man in that little cabin.
“I’m sorry,” Kellan breathed.
“What?” Barden looked at him questioningly. Kellan’s piercing grey eyes studied him from where the man still lay on the wooden floor.
“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Kellan sighed heavily, “Not too many people have witnessed that side of me…when I finally get angry…” His voice trailed off as Ferris returned to the two of them.
“Thank you!” the man cried with tears in his eyes. “I can never repay what you’ve done for me this day.”
“And never will you have to,” Kellan groaned as he climbed back to his feet.
“Will we go back to the base now?” Barden ventured to ask.
“Yes,” Kellan nodded, hearing the real question. “We’ll go back to Spade.”
*****
After changing out of the bloodied clothes of the soldiers, Kellan, Barden, Ferris, and his family set out for the base. Along the way, they met up with Ebony and the reinforcements she’d brought. She reported that Andolyn had been shut up in Spade’s room for hours before she’d arrived, and Ebony hadn’t had the heart to disturb her. No one knew of any change in his condition for the better…or otherwise.
They hurried as much as they could, but the women were exhausted. Eventually, Kellan and Barden took the younger two on their shoulders to speed up the process.
Once they were safely inside the base, Kellan, Barden, and Ebony made their way down the endless hallways to Spade’s room. Andolyn was just shutting the door behind herself as she left for the first time. Her eyes were still reddened, and she was wiping new tears from her eyes.
“Andy?” Barden ran to her, taking the girl by the shoulders.
More tears streaked down her cheeks as she suddenly laughed. She laughed more at the confused glances that were returned to her.
“He’s alive!”
At Andolyn’s words, Barden and Ebony piled through the door. Kellan slid in silently behind him with a quiet smile. After many tearful and overjoyed greetings, Spade demanded every detail of what he had “missed”, and Barden was more than happy to oblige—elaborating his heroics of course.
“…So I broke down the door, grabbed the princess, fought through the guards, and got everyone out of the castle—all while lugging your pitiful self around.”
Kellan cleared his throat in the corner where he stood.
“Oh,” Barden continued, “and Kellan came. To be honest, I’m not sure why. It’s obvious I handled the whole situation.”
Spade knew Barden well enough to decipher his rambling and grasp what had really happened; he looked to Kellan.
“Thank you,” he nodded. Kellan gave a humble nod in reply. Barden went on, not noticing their exchange. He told of how he had used all of his extensive medical knowledge to bring Spade back from near death.
“And that one,” he motioned dramatically to Andolyn who was quietly munching on a sandwich Ebony had made for her while she’d returned to Spade’s side, “acted as though she couldn’t care less if you lived or not. It hurt my soul, really…” Spade took the girl’s hand, smiling at her. It was here that Barden threw himself on Spade. “I was so worried!!” Spade groaned and Barden jumped back up, “SO sorry.”
Spade laughed. Andolyn fought back the tears that tried to sting her eyes again. Barden smiled—not a dramatic, overdone grin, but a real, genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re alright, Buddy.”
*****
The next step was trying to decide what exactly to do next. They couldn’t stay in the Emporium forever. Now that they had a direction, the curiosity would drive them all insane eventually. But Spade wasn’t yet in any condition to leave; almost a week had passed, and Spade still couldn’t walk by himself.
Andolyn carried a plate of lunch to where they thought Spade was asleep. Upon approaching the door, however, Andolyn heard a loud thud, followed by a frustrated groan. She quickly sat the tray down and ran for the door. At the sight of Spade sprawled face down on the wooden floor, she sighed and kneeled to help him.
“It’s been a week!” Spade fumed. Andolyn looped his arm around her shoulder and helped him back to the bed.
“You can’t rush yourself, Anthony,” Spade wasn’t sure what the soft tone in her voice made him feel, but he couldn’t mask the astonished look that crossed his face. Andolyn back-pedaled quickly. “I—I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have called you that.”
“No, it’s fine,” Spade assured her. “It’s just—that’s the first time you’ve called me by my name.” he paused, deep in thought. “Actually, that’s the first time anyone’s called me by my name since...” Andolyn’s eyes darkened.
“What happened?” she ventured to ask. Spade stared out the window.
“Radan happened,” he said darkly. He sighed deeply before continuing. “Long story, much shorter, Radan is only a year older than I am, so we grew up hating each other. Whenever there was a battle against the crown, even as a child, I was right in the middle of it with my parents—those were the days! Kellan and I, we were going to be the next generation of the Underground. He followed that dream, but—”
He paused to answer Andolyn’s questioning look.
“It was just the way we lived. Even as children, Radan and I often met on the battle field. I always managed to gain the upper hand with him. I’ve had many opportunities to kill him, but when it came right down to it, I never could. Not until that day: the day his family caught my parents. I was only eight at the time. They died honorably, but at Radan’s hand. I guess it’s not all his fault; I mean, what family teaches their nine year old son to execute people? But he enjoyed it too much. That was the day everything changed. Lucky for him, I haven’t gotten another opportunity to kill him, but I have managed to be a constant pest, to put it lightly. He outdid me this time; I admit that, and he enjoyed every moment of the time he had me. He would have killed me. I guess he made the mistake of underestimating my new family.” Spade nudged Andolyn’s chin. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “He should have known Kellan would come for me; the two of us have been fighting together since I can remember.”
“I never knew my parents,” Andolyn confessed. “They were killed too. I was told it was because of something they did against the crown, but I never knew what. The McNeil’s took me in as a baby, so they’re all I know. I’ve been curious, but my family is good, and I never wanted for anything.”
Spade had to say he was surprised at the dark shading on the girl’s past. With the sunny person she was now, he had always pictured the perfect childhood for her, including her parents.
“Maybe we have more in common than we thought.” Spade glanced at his left arm.
“Maybe,” Andolyn smiled at him. “You want to try that walking thing again?”
With Spade leaning on the princess, the two of them headed off down the infinite hallways of the Emporium.
****
I know that was a long one, but I owed you after all that time =) Well?? what do they do now? wait for Spade to recover? leave for Handunburg now? something else? you decide!
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Midnight
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| Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:18 am Post subject: |
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Woo, new chapter.
Hmm, I say despite being very eager to venture forth they wait at least another week or so to see if Spade improves. If not, then they should all get together and discuss the situation. See if there is some way of getting Spade to tag along or if someone could stay behind and try to catch up later. If possible.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks Midnight!! any other suggestions?
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:12 am Post subject: |
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Well, as far as DP suggestions go, I don't think so. :/ We can only play a waiting game for now. Perhaps try to find out the meaning of the mark on both Spade's and Andolyn's hands.
Oh, and nice chapter btw! Hope to see more (soon )
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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First stop in a major catch-up operation (considering the day before my internet cut out, I did promise I'd read this latest chapter asap)!
Great new chappie, Andi! The idea behind the machine is an interesting one, and I also like that you've gotten this situation going, where it was invented to heal, and is being badly missused by the Prince. Rather than having the machine created by some vile comerade of Radan, you've got this new element in there, of Ferris feeling guilt and regret at his invention, even though it was created through good intention.
And also - bad-ass Kellan! Me likey!
I found two small things. Nothing major, but your writing is always so well edited, I guess it just stood out. It's not necessary to change it, as it's not bad grammar or anything. I just thought I'd mention it, seeing as you're planning on getting this tale published at some point. It is the same thing with both quotes.
| Quote: | | Grateful for the flamboyant hats on the uniforms that provided covering for their faces, Kellan, Barden, and Ferris made their way confidently down to the house where Ferris’s family was being held. |
The double use of 'Ferris' in the sentence, though it doesn't sound really bad or anything, is slightly jarring, and would sound better if there was just one. Like I said, it's most certainly not neccesity to remove it, so please do not feel that you have to. But it could possibly be done by removing all three character names, that that first incidence, and changing it to 'the three men', or something.
| Quote: | | By some minor adjustments and running the machine at almost triple the intended power, instead of healing, the machine sent currents of electricity and powerful alchemy through the body, reversing the intended purpose of healing and bringing total destruction on the body. |
With this one, it's the double use of the word 'healing'. It's a little more jarring than the other, as it just doesn't need to be there at all. It's been explained that the intended purpose of the machine is to heal, so it would still make perfect sense to remove that second 'healing' along with the 'of' of course, and it would make the writing flow better.
I only really noticed them because it's what I'm always looking out for when I go over my own chapters (about 6 or 7 times each ), because I KNOW that I will have done the exact same thing multiple times throughout. In fact, it's the main thing that I look for, as I know it's my biggest problem. I've never noticed it in your previous chapters though, Andi, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
For the dp, I'm with Vishal. Stay there and bide their time for now, and see how things pan out. They can't risk taking Spade out in his weakened condition, in case they get attacked.
Looking forward to the next one! Keep up the good work!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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thanks, Tika!! i saw those myself actually...but didnt know how to fix it...you did the work for me! lol *runs off to change them in the original* *calls over shoulder*
"GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK!!!"
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:16 am Post subject: |
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Ah! Finally..
This was a nice new addition to the chapter, An but defenitely not the best. Dont get me wrong, I really really enjoyed it, but to me, there was just something about this chapter that didnt seem right. Maybe its just me-- the fact that I've had an overdose of 1-man-kills-20 recently
I just got the feeling that you weren't patient when you wrote this. To me, it was like you posted this hastily because you thought you owe your readers another chapter quickly. I defenitly wouldn't expect you to make the mistake of repetition... you're just too good for that.
Hey, you're a brilliant writer, better than I'll ever be but just my thoughts on that.
Dp? I f5 Vish there... Wait. Thats all we do.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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aww thanks vikas!! i'll try to do better.
well...if there arent any other suggestions...i'll post the new chappie tonight since you all agree. =)
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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I say march on asap
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:51 pm Post subject: |
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| you just goooootta be different...dontcha, Biz? lol
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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I suggest waiting for Spade to recover. No sense in moving forward if everyone's not 100%.
Great chapter Andy. Can't wait for the next one.
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Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks, Omega!! i'm glad to have you on board!! =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:48 am Post subject: |
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alright, peoples!! this is perhaps a bit unorthodox, but before we start polling, i'm adding another facet to this DP.
either we'll be waiting another week or we leave now...either way, we're leaving...but which way do we go? should we try the main roads? they'll be heavily guarded with troops going to do Radan's bidding, but they'll be the easiest road. do we take the high mountain route? this time of year, it will be snow covered and possibly treacherous, but it's a local secret, and Radan doesn't even know of its existence, so it will be completely unguarded. another path? you choose!!
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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Mountain Pass. Not willing to run into Radan's hands again.. especially after what just happened.
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| Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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| polling!!!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:24 am Post subject: |
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Broken
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:41 am Post subject: |
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Soon August had faded into a cooler September, and it was time for the heroes to set out again. Spade could now walk with only the assistance of a cane that Kellan had fashioned for him out of silver the thief managed to somehow smuggle from the castle. Andolyn guessed he must have stashed it before the battle, though she wasn’t sure how he would have gotten it out. But then, he was a magician after all.
Handunburg was almost exactly the same distance from the Emporium as the meadow where the trio first met, only in such a direction as to form a triangle between the three points. This road, however, would take far longer given that the only undetectable pass between Darbinshire and Handunburg was through the mountains. This time of year, they would already be covered in thick layers of snow. This meant that the travelers had to raid some of the thousands of closets in the Emporium to find proper clothing for such a journey.
Ebony took care of clothing and food supplies for the group, and Kellan ensured that each of them was properly armed—Spade with two new decks of his deadly cards, Barden with the finest broadsword that had ever been made in Ardara, and Andolyn with several small daggers of her own. Ebony supplied Andolyn’s true weapon of choice with a new bow and a quiver of arrows.
When the sun had set and the time came for them to leave, Ebony embraced each of them and made them promise to take care of each other. Kellan lingered near the princess; after a few moments, he produced a young hawk from behind his back.
“Should you ever need me, Milady,” his voice was tender and shy. “She’ll know where to find me.” Kellan placed the hawk in a basket that was fashioned into a saddle bag. He lifted Andolyn gently on to her horse and kissed her graceful hand before bowing low and taking a few steps back. He nodded respectfully to Barden and Spade. “Take care of her.”
“You saw what she did to Radan,” Barden laughed, “I think she might have to take care of us!”
~~~~~~
“It feels strange,” Andolyn said absently several hours into their journey, “being just the three of us again.”
“Yeah,” Barden agreed, “I’ll miss them.”
“You said that like we’ll never see them again,” laughed Spade. Barden frowned deeply then looked at Spade meaningfully. Spade looked down at his saddle thoughtfully. It was very possible they wouldn’t see Ebony and Kellan again; their last encounter with the prince had made that painfully clear. He only hoped the two of them would be able to remain hidden after all the help they gave so freely to the refugees. At least Kellan had thought to hide his identity when he had entered the castle. If the Prince knew he was involved again, he wouldn’t rest until Kellan was found.
“Snow!!” Andolyn’s excited shriek brought both men back to the road. Sure enough, a heavy snowfall had begun. They were getting nearer to the incline of the mountains, and that meant colder country.
Andolyn jumped from her horse when the snow grew deeper and twirled with her hands in the air, catching the pure flakes on her tongue and eyelashes. Barden and Spade paused to smile at the girl’s innocence. Giggling, she climbed back on her horse.
“Sorry,” she blushed, “I’ve always loved the snow.” Her companions only smiled as they pulled on in front of her and up the mountain trail.
Now it was Andolyn’s turn to be surprised. The two strong young men in front of her were somehow different in the fresh snowfall as well. Barden’s raven hair was peppered with the pure flakes that shown vividly in bright contrast. His sapphire eyes scanned the road in front of them for the safest trail. His strong body itself was a contrast to the delicate scene. Andolyn saw him as her bold, valiant, knight, protecting her from whatever came to face them.
Spade, on the other hand, was still very weak from his recent injuries, and shivered slightly in the cold, but his eyes and his resolve were as strong as ever. He would go to death’s door and beyond to help Andolyn; he had recently proved that. To the princess’s eyes, the snow swirling around his head—which he held high despite the cold—made Anthony Jenkins appear as a kingly force, not to be lightly reckoned with.
~~~~~
As the night wore on, the group travelled higher on the mountain, and the beautiful snow turned to ice that stung their eyes and cheeks. Andolyn wasn’t sure how much more she could take, but she knew that they had to at least find a place with shelter before they stopped.
Barden went on tireless as ever, but he watched the young girl behind him and the man to his right very carefully for signs of exhaustion. He knew they were both wearing down quickly, but they would freeze to death without some form of cover from the wind and ice.
“Barden!” Though the thief was yelling, his voice was barely audible over the howling wind. Barden glanced over to see Spade hunched over in his saddle struggling to hang on with fingers that had long ago lost feeling. The thief, however, was looking behind him. “Barden, we have to stop! She can’t take this!”
There was Andolyn, laid almost flat against her horse; her blonde hair, now full of ice, whipped wildly in the bitter wind. He couldn’t see the girl’s face, but he guessed she was no longer conscious. Slowing to where he was directly beside her, Barden lifted the limp-bodied girl and cradled her in his strong arms. Her teeth chattered violently behind her blue lips, and the ice had gathered in her eyelashes creating a picture that Barden didn’t particularly like.
“We have to find shelter! We’ll freeze out here!” Barden called back to Spade. Leading Andolyn’s horse, the two men pushed on as quickly as the snow drifts and their horses’ faltering strength would allow.
Nearly a mile later, Spade could take no more. Without a sound, the thief slid to the frozen ground. Barden stopped short and ran to his friend, leaving Andolyn lying against the horse’s neck. When he reached Spade, the snow was already burying the young man who lay face down in the road. Turning him over, Barden found Spade looking similarly to the princess.
“No, no, no, No, NO!” Barden screamed into the night, “C’mon, Spade! I almost lost you once; I will not do it again!” He lifted Spade and draped him back over the saddle of his horse. Huffing, he returned to his own horse and mounted behind the princess. He pulled Andolyn to his chest and wrapped her in his own coat, then leading both horses, he pressed on into the freezing night.
*****
Uh-Oh!! what does Barden do now??
Last edited by Andolyn on Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
As Lil has already said, it's a rather short chapter, but still it's a good one, and you're not lacking in description or quality despite the length. I did love the parting between Andolyn and Kellan, it was very sweet and gives us a peek into the feelings that are growning between them. I also love hearing more about Kellan as the story goes on, and putting together in my mind this strong, capable man, mixed with a sweet, shy personality. And the gift of the hawk was a nice touch. I have to say though, I hope our trio don't have much running to do. That poor little hawk will be rather ruffled when they reach their destination otherwise, buffeted around during a gallop. And of course, I still love Barden, and he remains my favourite of your characters.
I found one thing that caught my eye (and it has nothing to do with your grammar and editing, which are brilliant as usual )...
| Quote: | | Slowing to where he was directly beside her, Barden lifted the lifeless girl and cradled her in his strong arms. |
The description of Andolyn being 'lifeless' is more suited to one who is showing no signs of life. As you go on to say, she's showing signs of still being very much alive in the following sentence, so maybe the sentence could be adapted slightly. Maybe to say 'almost lifeless' or possibly something like...
Slowing to where he was directly beside her, Barden lifted the girl and cradled her against him, her form feeling almost lifeless in his arms.
...This isn't necessity, so don't feel that you have to change it. It's merely based around my own opinion, and doesn't necessarily mirror that of anyone else. It's just an idea I thought I'd mention is all.
As for the dp...What can Barden do, but press on and seek out shelter? I guess he could try digging down into the snow, and attempt to create a hollow beneath it, as I've heard that such a thing actually makes a pretty good shelter, as it's not as cold as one would imagine. But would Barden have time to do that? Even though it might take a while, so might finding a cave to shelter in instead. It's an idea anyway.
Another fab chappie, Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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thanks, girls!! always good to have you along. =)
and thanks, Tika! very good suggestion! i'll look into it.
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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Great addition to the story An!
Very short chapter, which works for me, and there wasn't any lack of description which is great. Now does Kellan have feelings for our princess? Oh dear... Not what I expected.
The writing was great, though I almost got a heart attack when I saw this:
| Andolyn wrote: | | Slowing to where he was directly beside her, Barden lifted the lifeless girl and cradled her in his strong arms |
I thought she died. Seriously. Though the next sentence does clear up what you meant, it was kinda weird reading that.
As for the DP, I cant see him do anything except look for shelter. and If he cant and has to make the painful choice of leaving on behind after calling for help, he'd probably try to save his best friend Spade first..
Cant wait for the next edition!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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fixed it!! =)
thanks for the pointer, guys!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 5:58 am Post subject: |
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Wonderful chapter, but I don't think we have much of a choice with the DP. Find shelter ASAP.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:38 pm Post subject: |
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| aaaand we're polling!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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| ok, someone voted on the "Andolyn only" vote. the purpose of that one is so that i can automatically see poll results when i come to the forum. it isnt a story option...could whoever that was pick an actual option please? lol i'd like to have the next chapter up tonight. =)
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Andolyn woke to find that she was both warm and dry. When she opened her eyes, she was in a large cave that was lighted by a roaring fire. Barden must have gone out in the storm to collect the wood for the fire. He really was her knight, Andolyn thought. Barden sat staring at the flames with his arms wrapped around his folded legs. His bold chin rested on his knees. The hawk that Kellan had given Andolyn sat behind the young man on a boulder. The basket Kellan had lined with furs had kept her safe and warm through the harsh night. Spade was still sleeping near the fire on the other side, but his color seemed to Andolyn to be nearly perfect.
“Well, hello there,” Barden smiled, hearing the girl stir. Andolyn rose and sat next to him. She shivered now that she had removed her blankets, and Barden put a warm arm around her.
“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning on his shoulder. Barden rested his head on hers in reply. “Barden?” Andolyn was struck with a sudden curiosity and looking for something--anything to talk about.
“Yes?” his reply was soft and tired.
“Where did you grow up?” she questioned.
“My past isn’t all that colorful, Andy,” Barden laughed quietly.
“I don’t care,” she moved to where she could look him in the eye. “You are important to me. It’s important to me to know where you come from.” Barden grabbed her head and pulled it back to his shoulder.
“Alright, alright,” he laughed again. “My name’s really Joshua,” at this, Andolyn raised an eyebrow at him, “I know, well, it’s Joshua Barden. I grew up in a town on a small island just off the coast of Bridlestrom. My hometown was an average size: small enough that everyone cared about everyone but big enough that we weren’t all related. My parents were hard working and funny, but kept to themselves for the most part. I have an older brother that I love dearly."
Here, the young man paused, looking at the fire as though remembering a long lost regret.
"I simply got tired of living in the same place with the same people, so I came to the mainland when I was sixteen. I got a steady job and a small house, but then I got bored. I’m not one to tie myself down for very long, so I decided just to roam the country as I would. I picked up odd jobs for people wherever I went to get by. A few months later, I met Spade. He seemed to be a kindred spirit, so we started exploring Ardara together, making trouble for everyone wherever we went. The rest is history, I guess.”
Andolyn sat up and examined him with her emerald eyes. “See,” she said flatly, “I find that to be very colorful.”
The two of them gazed into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Andolyn fought with the idea of leaning closer to his masculine face. The inviting warmth of the man’s personality was much more magnetic than she’d realized before…
But no, Barden was one of the most caring, and for lack of a better term, cuddly individuals Andolyn had ever known, and she loved him dearly—but she knew she was not in love with him. There was another that had sparked her heart. He was carrying out his duties, but anxiously awaiting word of her safe passage to Handunburg from back in Darbinshire.
Barden felt similar emotions. Andolyn was dear to his heart, but he knew she was not God’s plan for him.
Pulling back, Andolyn sighed and stared at the ground, “very colorful,” she muttered. Barden reached over and pulled the stubborn girl’s head back to his shoulder. He smiled thoughtfully and stared at the fire.
~~~~~
Soon, Andolyn had convinced Barden to let her have a shift of keeping watch so he could get some sleep. The hours passed with little event, and Andolyn’s mind began to wander. How far her life had come in these few short years. Among other things, Andolyn’s thoughts went to the days of her childhood to when the Emporium was just being built…and to Ebony.
Ebony had come from a tribe of people known as the Allabain. Normally they were a nomadic people, but Ebony’s parents had chosen the woodland on the outskirts of Darbinshire as a place for their permanent home when Prince Radan came to power. The Allabain are known for their abilities in the arts of enchantment, and mostly because of their skill, they were rarely trusted. For the same reason, Radan had turned to genocide when they refused to join with his armies.
The Emporium was built originally as a safe house for the Allabain people, and for those who had managed to stay alive, the purpose still remained. Ebony’s parents built it so that to the outside eye, it appeared to be but a small cottage, but in reality, it was a city all its own. This served a dual role in that, were the Emporium ever discovered in the deep forest, it would not appear suspicious and could in fact be made to look like a normal cottage inside as well when necessary, but it was also bigger on the inside to satisfy the outrageous sense of humor that Ebony’s parents had always possessed.
When the girls were thirteen years old, Ebony’s parents were discovered and killed, leaving the Emporium to their young daughter. The McNeils had offered to take the girl in, but it wasn’t necessary as the Allabain take care of their own.
Living in the Emporium, Ebony still had a family, and she was well taken care of.
Three years ago, Andolyn and Roselyn had been ordered to the castle to begin their training as princesses. Not to be left out, Ebony had ventured to secure a job in the stables. Hiding her identity as one of the Allabain, she had remained safe and close to everything happening in the lives of her two friends.
Andolyn could never thank her enough for her constant companionship. No danger had been too great. Ebony’s family and her own had always found a way to keep the girls in contact, and Ebony saw fit to continue that even when doing so meant facing her greatest enemy.
From there, her thoughts went to Roselyn. Like Barden, Rosie would probably have categorized her life as “less than colorful”. Though born in the mountainous regions near Handunburg and Bellshire, Roselyn’s family, her mother, father, and two younger siblings, had moved to Bridlestrom when she was very young.
Though they were complete opposites, she and Andolyn were best of friends from the moment they had met.
If you were to look up the word princess in a dictionary of that day, you would probably have found Roselyn’s picture next to it. Her insatiable “girliness” as Andolyn referred to it perfectly balanced Andolyn’s own adventurous tomboy spirit. Whenever they played, Rosie would be the damsel in distress, and Andolyn would use her vast collection of pocket knives and other sharp objects to come “save” her.
It was easy to see why Rocas had selected Roselyn above all others—her lively imagination and witty sense of humor left everyone she came in contact with begging to see more of her.
Andolyn couldn’t imagine what she’d done to merit being blessed with such friends as she had, but she was grateful none the less. Her only prayer now was that she would see them again.
~~~~~
The storm raged on throughout the rest of the night and the following day. When Spade was finally awake, the three of them amused themselves by singing and dancing around the fire. Spade pulled out his real deck of cards and proceeded to irritate Barden by continually baffling him with tricks.
As the sun went down, the storm died down with it, and the trio set out again. Andolyn giggled at the snow that grazed along the bottoms of her booted feet as the horse struggled to move forward.
Barden was surprised when something soft hit him full in the back of the head. He whipped around, ready to take on any enemy that dared to follow them on this road, but instead he saw Andolyn giggling mischievously and preparing her next attack. Both of them dismounted, and a snowball fight ensued. Spade got in on the action as well, only from atop his horse.
As with most “fights” the two young men took to pelting each other as hard as they could with the frozen balls. Eventually, Spade took a direct hit to the head that sent him flying off his horse and harmlessly into the soft snow bank.
“I’m ok!” he shouted with his hands in the air.
“Where’s Andolyn?” Barden laughed. Just before the two of them could become concerned, the girl popped up from her hiding place in the waist high snow. The element of surprise gave her just the advantage she needed to gain the upper hand against the two young men.
The rest of the night went on in similar fashion, and by the time the trio made it to another cave, they were exhausted, but happy.
~~~~~
One more day of travelling brought them into the town of Handunburg. This “town” was more of a village it was so small, but the people were warm, and so were their houses. It didn’t take the travelers long to spot the inn, seeing as it was the most busy place in the village after the sun had set.
Barden entered first to check the three of them in. Once their things had been unpacked and the horses were comfortable in the stable, the three went to the tavern downstairs for some food. Still leery of strangers, Barden entered first with Andolyn on his heels and Spade close behind her. They found a table in one of the darker corners. Barden went to the bar to order their meals. He came back with a pint for himself and Spade and a glass of tea for Andolyn. Soon they were eating happily and watching the night’s entertainment.
When the lively song had finished—after the third encore—someone yelled out in the crowd.
“Where’s Alberich?”
“Yeah, Alberich!” another called. “Alberich, tell us a story!”
Handunburg was known for being somewhat disloyal to the crown, but given their mostly peaceful nature—and the fact that they were a heavily armed population—the royal family chose to leave them to themselves. Alberich, the town’s historian, was the sole keeper of the true history of Ardara, and it was his job to preserve it and pass it on to anyone who would listen.
The man was tall, well built, and in his early thirties. His brown hair was neatly clipped in the fashion of most of the learned men in Ardara, and his face sported a slight scruffy beard. He wore a long, brown robe, and limped when he walked.
As he made his way to a chair on the stage, Alberich began his tale. He told of the beautiful place Ardara used to be under the true royal family. He told of their kind, generous nature and their love of the people they ruled.
“There was no such thing as hunger in those days. No starvation. The king and queen made certain of that. They would give goods of their own table before seeing one of their people go hungry.”
Then the story turned dark when he began to tell of the treachery of the Hallams—originally advisors to the royal family. He spoke of the violent overthrowing of the family and the bloodthirsty traitors they had enlisted over the years to infiltrate every corner of Ardara and ensure the obedience of the citizens.
“Early in the reign of the 15th King and Queen of the line Kavanagh the traitors moved from the shadows where they had lurked for generations. Our king and queen and anyone loyal to them in Darbinshire were killed instantly. Those who chose to stand against them in the following weeks were slaughtered by the thousands. Civil war began between the criminal supporters of the Hallams and those of the Kavanaghs, but with no head to lead them, the true citizens of Ardara were eventually crushed. That was the beginning of the Underground. Led by a hand full of the Kingdom’s military leaders that survived the initial attack, the citizens of Ardara have spent the last five decades fighting and enduring every torture that wretched family can invent to regain what is theirs. The Hallams took the land by force, and though they have fought to bind us to secrecy with their laws and tortures, Ardara will not sleep forever!”
At this point, the townspeople listening—though they had heard the story many times before—started to get angry and restless.
“There is hope!!” Alberich threw his hands in the air to calm them, “a legend has been passed down through the leaders of the Underground since its beginning. That legend holds that one of the infant daughters of the king and queen, Maira, survived! It is written that she escaped and eventually bore two children—twins. They are said to have been hidden, and only the princess’s most trusted advisors—who were charged with keeping the newborns safe—knew their identities.”
Here, everyone in the room, including the silent travelers at the back table, leaned forward in expectation.
“Now, it is our duty to pray for the safe return of the children of Maira Kavanagh, and the downfall of tyranny!”
Cheering ensued, but Andolyn was in a state of shock. She now knew the name she had searched for, but didn’t feel any closer to finding peace for Ardara.
*****
I know that was long...but I owed you all for the last one being so short.
Anyways, we now are finally getting some information! What do we do with it? Send a hawk to Kellan or Damien to see what they know about it? Corner Alberich to see if that was the whole story? Sit and wait awhile? you decide!!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, Lil!
Any more suggestions before we move on?
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 10:08 pm Post subject: |
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The night dragged on, and slowly the villagers went back to their homes to settle in. Alberich remained silent at a table in the far corner of the room. He was surprised when a young stranger came boldly to his table. The young man supported himself on a cane of the finest quality Alberich had seen in a long time. He handed the scholar a piece of paper.
Room 207. She needs answers to questions that cannot be asked here.
The message was simple. Alberich looked up to question the young man, but he had vanished.
Later that night, when nearly everyone had gone, Alberich slid silently through the halls of the inn until he came to the room that was instructed in the note. His hand found the dagger that lay hidden in his cloak, and he knocked on the door.
Barden answered. Alberich was surprised at the young man’s height and build. It was not often he found someone he could look in the eye without stooping.
Barden motioned for the man to enter. The room was dark, but when the door was fully closed, several lamps and the fireplace lit up with a motion of the hand that had brought him the note. The two young men Alberich had already encountered hovered nervously; it didn’t take the scholar long to realize why.
On the other side of the room, near the frosty window, sat a graceful young woman with piercing emerald eyes. She scanned Alberich questioningly, and he moved toward her. As if by instinct, both young men slid defensively closer to the girl.
“It’s alright,” the woman spoke quietly. “There is no danger to me here.” With her permission, Alberich sat near her. “My name is Andolyn Grace McNeil.” She said. At this, Alberich stood and bowed deeply.
“Milady”, he had never dreamed of meeting the woman that had brought such hope to the cities in the west.
“Please, sit,” Andolyn blushed. “You spoke of children in your story. Do you know how to find them?”
Alberich’s eyes grew downcast. “Unfortunately, as I said in the tavern, only the advisors who became their guardians knew the children’s identities. Some say they became leaders in the Underground; others are more to the idea that the guardians fled Ardara with them. I can’t say really, but I do know this. It is written that, as with all those of the royal bloodline they will be identified by the symbol of the royal crest tattooed on their skin.” Alberich held up a pendant to show her what he meant. “Normally with royal births, the whole symbol would be placed on the arm, but if the legend is true, they were the first set of twins. The mark would have been split between them.”
Andolyn stood and backed away, her eyes wide. Spade clutched his arm and looked to the princess. Barden had once again missed the exchange and peered at the symbol.
“How old would the children be?” he studied the silver design. Alberich fumbled his words, alarmed by the girl’s behavior.
“Uh, well,” he stammered, “given that almost fifty years have passed since the overthrowing of the kingdom, I would say they would be,” he paused to think, “just about twenty years old by now.”
Andolyn’s face went ghostly white. She looked at Spade for some form of comfort, but he looked as horrified as she felt. How? How after all these years? How could they have just run into each other by sheer chance?
“Andy?” Barden had noticed the girl’s distress. Brought back to the tiny room by his voice, she rolled up her sleeve with shaking hands. There it was, just above the brace that held her wrist in place, was her half of the beautiful, intricate design. Now it was Alberich’s turn to be taken aback. He fell to his knees.
“Princess!” Andolyn pulled him back to his feet.
“That isn’t all,” she shook her head. Spade stepped into the light, and raised the sleeve of his left arm. They put their arms together to complete the crest.
Barden was completely speechless, but in the dim lamplight the truth was unmistakable. Their golden hair was identical in shade, and now that he thought about it, Barden noticed the similarities in the impish faces of his friends. He composed himself quickly.
“Dude!” Barden wore a smug grin, “if you’re a prince…what does that make me?? I mean, we are a family after all!”
Alberich was back on his knees with overwhelmed tears in his eyes.
“I had hoped that one day we would find at least one of you,” he shook his head, “but to think, both of you! Here! In our little inn…”
Again, Andolyn pulled the man to his feet.
“Please,” she whispered. “You do not owe us this respect. We have done nothing to deserve it,” here she looked at Spade with a heartfelt smile, “but we will!”
*****
Kellan grew frustrated with his fingers. They weren’t opening the letter he had just received quickly enough. The hawk on the table behind him was growing frustrated with Kellan’s fingers for not giving her a treat for bringing him that letter.
Finally, the frustrated man got the thing open. The parchment was as ordinary as any Kellan had ever seen, but the graceful handwriting that flowed on its pages made all the difference.
Kellan,
We finally made it to Handunburg. The road was hard over the mountains, but Barden got us through. We had a snowball fight at one point. Spade is doing well. He’s still weak, but the cane you made for him keeps him going.
We found out something interesting when we got here. Turns out Spade and I are twins! Who would have thought? According to the town historian, we think we know who the former rulers of Ardara were…and we think Spade and I are their grandchildren. I know it’s crazy, but everything adds up. Spade and I have tattoos that we’ve had for forever that make up the Kavanagh family crest, and we’re the exact age of the children that escaped…
We’re so close, Kellan. Now we just have to figure out what to do next. I hope to hear from you soon. Pass some news to Roselyn if it’s possible. Tell Ebony I miss and love her. Oh, and give Lunaria a treat. She’s been a good little friend.
Andolyn Grace
Kellan sat back in his chair; this was a lot to soak in. He had to say, he wasn’t surprised that Andolyn was royalty. It suited her well, but Spade?? That was almost too much for the blacksmith to absorb. It looked as though he would be making another trip to see Ebony soon; she’d kill him if he didn’t tell her what was going on.
The hawk nipped at Kellan’s strong hand. Lunaria, Andolyn had named her. It was a pretty name. Kellan grabbed a piece of the meat he had been eating before the hawk’s arrival and tossed it to her.
**********
What DO they do now? do they wait in Handunburg for an opportunity to arise? Wait for Kellan to form a plan with the Underground? Lay low and let their escape blow over? You decide!!
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Lilith
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Midnight
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:30 am Post subject: |
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Hello Andy!
Finally got a chance to read this, been busy busy with studies T_T.
I have to agree with Lil on this one, there is no way that they can just sit and wait, they have to do something. Time to get some plans a rolling. =3
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I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:15 am Post subject: |
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WOAH!!
It was brilliant reading those 2 chapters together. I LOVED IT!!
Hmm.. The DP? I think Kellan tells Roselyn and Ebony, and The storyteller tells the loyalists at The Inn. Get support from people, form a mini-army if possible, but no sitting back now. Its time for action!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:01 am Post subject: |
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thanks guys!! since you all now know the secret...see what you think of the reality!!
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Lilith
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:03 am Post subject: |
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WOAHHH!! I KNEW that the mark was something important!! Sorry it took me so long to catch up, but hey, exams are done!!!!!
I loved the chapters An! Superbly done. I have a feeling that we're getting closer to the end of this story
Anyway,.. For the DP, I'll go with my brother. Blow the trumpet and make some noise!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Firstly, my apologies for not getting to this sooner. I was indisposed for most of last week, and it just completely slipped my mind. So for that I'm very sorry. But, in doing so, I have the pleasure of agreeing with Vishal. Reading the two chapters together was a very enjoyable read. Very well done. And the pictures are wonderful too. Thanks for sharing them.
I very much enjoyed the slippet about Ebony's culture and history. It gives yet another facet to this wonderful tale of yours, and in doing so, I'm wondering if Ebony's character may become a bigger part of the story than it already is? Possibly I'm just reading too much into that though.
I found one small thing in the first of the two chapters, and it's something I'm not even sure if it's valid, but I thought I should point it out anyway, just in case...
| Quote: | | The Allabain are known for their abilities in the arts of enchantment, and mostly because of their skill, they were rarely trusted. |
As I said, I'm not sure, but I think that, going by the rest of the text, this possibly should be 'were' rather than 'are'. But I'll need that to be confirmed.
And in the second, I found these...
| Quote: | | There it was, just above the brace that held her wrist in place, was her half of the beautiful, intricate design. Now it was Alberich’s turn to be taken aback. He fell to his knees. |
One of the parts in red needs to be removed. I personally think that removing the former would sound better, but both will work.
| Quote: | | Kellan grew frustrated with his fingers. They weren’t opening the letter he had just received quickly enough. The hawk on the table behind him was growing frustrated with Kellan’s fingers for not giving her a treat for bringing him that letter. |
This is an opinion based critique, but I think the two sentences would sound better if the double usage of being frustrated with Kellan's fingers was fixed. It would need a little rearranging though. Maybe something like...
Kellan grew frustrated with his fingers. They weren’t opening the letter he had just received quickly enough. The hawk perched on the table behind him had started to look a little disgruntled at not being given a treat for delivering the message.
As there is also a 'frustrated' in the following sentence as well, the writing would flow alot better if you get rid of at least one of them. Also gets rid of the double usage of 'letter'. But it's just a suggestion.
For the dp...I'm going along the same lines as the others. The people of Handunburg seem very much loyal to the former royal family, and with the tattoos as proof, I'm sure they can soon get the entirity of the population behind them. And, as the town is also mostly left to itself by the crown, with them being a mostly peaceful folk, an uprising would be the last thing an enemy would suspect. I say get the villagers behind them, and then move on with their new followers to the next town to gather more forces. One imagines that the people of Handunburg by themselves will not be enough to overthrow the crown.
As I said before, very well done, Andi! Looking forward to more soon! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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well...everyone's in agreement on what should happen next...and i'm REALLY on a roll!! maybe writing is a good distraction. lol anyways, on with the story!!!
*****
Another week passed in the quiet town of Handunburg, and the travelers had become quite comfortable there. Not having to hide themselves was a commodity the trio was sure they would never again experience, but here they were in this tiny mountain village, and they were not only accepted by the people, they were loved.
Alberich had sent word to the Kavanagh loyalists in the surrounding villages of the return of the heirs to the throne. For now, the only thing to be done was to wait for support to arrive…which for this particular trio was a welcome reprieve.
Barden and Spade had developed a good way of making honest money being the nightly entertainment in the tavern, and Andolyn found herself helping the tavern girls with little chores around the place.
One evening, Spade sat with Alberich and Barden on the front porch of the inn while they waited for Andolyn to return from the market. Off in the distance, they could see the girl walking with a basket of bread and other goods in her left hand, a simple cotton dress flowed down to her ankles, and her long hair was bound in a messy bunch of curls at the back of her head. Children skipped in circles around her as she went.
“She’s perfect,” Alberich breathed, “Utterly remarkable.” Though they agreed with him, the two young men looked at the scholar for his reasoning behind the statement. “She is her grandmother made over. She loves the people as if they are her own children.”
As if to emphasize the man’s observations, one of the children fell and scraped a knee in front of the princess and began to cry. Without hesitation, Andolyn dropped her basket and ran to the little girl. She picked her up and held her, promising everything would be alright. The child’s mother started to come to the girl’s aid, but saw Andolyn and turned to go back in the house with a contented smile. With the child on her hip, Andolyn picked her basket back up and proceeded down the road.
“She will be the perfect queen for our nation,” Alberich nodded, satisfied.
“Evening, Boys,” Andolyn sang as she walked past them, still holding the child and the groceries. “We’re going to make cookies, if you all are interested.”
Spade jumped up instantly to follow them to the cookies, and Barden only shook his head, laughing.
Several minutes later, Alberich and Barden went to the kitchen to see what was going on. The scene they entered into made Barden laugh even more. Even Alberich couldn’t stifle a small chuckle. Andolyn and the child were utterly covered in flour, happily cutting different shapes into the dough. Spade sat nearby hungrily watching them, until Andolyn saw fit to fling a flour-covered dough ball at him. All-out war ensued.
Fistfuls of flour flew in every direction imaginable. It was then that Barden wanted to get in on the action. The Battle was fierce, the boys against the princess and her new little shadow. When the little girl aimed a flour ball directly at Spade, Barden made a dramatic show of jumping in front of Spade and taking the hit.
“Barden!” screamed Spade, now kneeling over his fallen comrade, “NOOOOOO!!”
“Go on without me!” Barden answered pitifully, “for the cause!” With a new fire, Spade fought back, making the child squeal with delight.
Alberich was overjoyed to be watching the contagious youth of the true rulers of Ardara. The two of them had come through much, but still saw it of utmost importance to pause their quest and play with a child. These were the ones who would lead Ardara to its former glory.
*****
Milady,
It thrills me to know that you are well. Things here in Darbinshire are dark, as ever. Since your narrow escape, the prince has made patrols through the city more frequent than ever. I have moved into the Emporium to avoid detection for the time being. Ebony is well and sends her love. Roselyn has been forced out of the castle. I know not the reason, but to my knowledge she is leaving Ardara all-together. She plans to visit you before she goes, however, so watch for her arrival.
In the matter of a looming battle, the Underground is ready to move whenever we receive word. Be safe, Princess.
Yours humbly,
Kellan
Andolyn had received many a letter from Kellan over the past month, and had sent many of her own. The two had become very close when September faded to October.
On the day of October the fourth, Andolyn bounced down the stairs of the inn to the tavern where Alberich and her two companions were discussing plans of attack on Darbinshire with the town’s officials. Without hesitation, she flung her arms around Spade’s neck and produced a small package.
“Happy Birthday!!” she sang happily.
“What?” Spade took the package, laughing, “How did you—oh, right.” Andolyn sat in front of him expectantly. Spade pulled the carefully tied ribbons and opened the wrapping paper he wasn’t sure where the princess found. When he opened the box that fell from the paper, a vest woven from the finest, silk-like fabric Spade had ever felt slid into his hands. It was crimson red with intricate black designs woven into the surface. The fabric was so light Spade could hardly tell he was holding it.
“Well?” Andolyn looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Given the nature of his upbringing, birthdays were never really acknowledged in Spade’s family, much less was he ever given a gift on the occasion.
“It’s,” he stammered, “It’s beautiful, Andy. Thank you…I’m sorry, but I didn’t think to get you anything…” his face was hot. Andolyn only beamed, and threw her arms around him.
“I know,” she said sweetly, “but having my family here and well is gift enough for me.” With that, she bounced out of the room and out of the tavern.
“You know,” Alberich stroked his beard thoughtfully, “It’s been quite a while since we had a good party around here…” The others looked at him with mischief in their eyes. “And it’s been a while since we’ve had a reason as sweet as her birthday to throw one.”
“Well then, that settles it!” Barden raised his glass. “Nettie!” He called to the tavern girl he knew was listening in on the conversation, “you think you’d be able to keep Andolyn busy in town for awhile?”
“Yessir!” the girl stepped from her hiding place and saluted him before running out the door after the princess.
*****
The market at Handunburg had become one of Andolyn’s favorite places in the world. Everything could be found here. If you needed anything from food, to artwork, to the sort of gadgets you would find in the Emporium. Artisans and merchants from all over Ardara came to trade in this tiny town’s market. It was here that Andolyn had found the vest for Spade’s birthday present.
Though Andolyn loved looking at all the new merchandise, Nettie seemed to be particularly interested in showing her everything the merchants had brought today. They could have given her commission for the way she was up-talking everything she could touch. As the hours wore on, however, Andolyn began to grow anxious.
“You know, we should really get back to the tavern,” she said after placing yet another trinket back on the merchant’s table. “The boys will be getting hungry by now.”
“Oh, they’ll be fine,” Nettie promised her, “besides! My sister Hattie is still there. She’ll make sure they’re fed.”
“That’s what worries me,” Andolyn mumbled. Hattie was a “special” type of girl, one that liked to be noticed. Whether that attention came from the low cut blouses she wore or the fact that she always managed to spill something on any attractive man she was waiting on, it didn’t matter. That and the fact that the last time she had tried to make dinner she almost burned the entire inn and tavern down made Andolyn slightly nervous. “Is Keelin there today?”
“Of course!” Nettie was happy to give Andolyn anything to make her stay out longer. Keelin was a beautifully fair girl with a mind to match, and though he hadn’t said anything, Andolyn knew Spade had taken a particular fancy to the girl. She sensed the feeling was mutual and knew that if anyone would, Keelin would take care of Spade, at the very least. That only left Barden and now Alberich for Andolyn to worry about.
The truth was “the boys” were well taken care of since the entire town except the market traders were at the tavern preparing the biggest birthday party Handunburg had ever seen.
Suddenly, Andolyn ran straight into a hooded figure, causing everything they both were carrying to go flying in all directions.
“Oh! I’m so sorry!” Andolyn apologized as she fumbled to pick up everything that had fallen.
“You still need to work on watching where you’re going when you walk,” Andolyn knew that voice. When she looked up, she found herself face to face with the princess Roselyn. “Hi!”
“Rosie!!” Andolyn almost tackled the girl. “Kellan told me you’d be coming! I didn’t expect you this soon! What happened?”
“All in due time,” Roselyn shushed her. “For now, Happy Birthday!” she handed Andolyn two small packages, one from herself, and the other from Andolyn’s family in Bridlestrom. “They knew I’d be seeing you soon.” Without even opening the gifts, an overjoyed Andolyn wrapped her arms around Roselyn again.
“How are things in Darbinshire?” Andolyn’s curiosity was getting the best of her.
“Well,” this was not exactly the conversation Roselyn wanted on this happy day, but it was Andolyn’s day after all. “Rocas decided he no longer loved me, and he wants his brother to rule, so here I am.”
“Oh, Rosie! I’m so sorry!” Andolyn frowned.
“I’ll be alright,” Roselyn battled the tears that threatened to explode from her eyes at any moment. “It’s strange though, Radan’s been far too happy these last few days. I can’t imagine why, unless he’s got some sort of plan he’s devising.”
Andolyn had found the information she wanted, but at the price of making her friend cry. While searching for a new topic of discussion she realized Roselyn had yet to officially meet Barden and Spade.
“You have to meet my boys!” Andolyn jumped up, dragging Roselyn with her and ran for the tavern. Knowing she could delay her no longer, Nettie had already begun the trek back, and was able to give the party just enough time to hide before Andolyn came bursting through the door.
“Barden? Spade?” Andolyn squinted into the dark room. Suddenly the lights came on, and the entire town jumped from behind bar stools and tables with shouts of “Happy Birthday” for the shocked princess. Streamers and banners of every different color covered the ceiling of the tavern. Barden and Spade stood on the stage, ready to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of the “Happy Birthday” song followed by the ever irritating, off key, “And Many Moooooooreeeee!!!” from Barden and Spade themselves.
“Did you know about this??” Andolyn turned on Roselyn.
“Well, of course I did!” Roselyn looked away sheepishly. “Ok, no. Not really, but man! What great timing is THAT??”
“Thank you so much!” Andolyn embraced Barden and Spade when they approached her.
“Hey,” laughed Spade, “Thank Alberich. This was all his idea.” Andolyn didn’t need to be told twice. She pulled the tall man into a hug.
“Thank you!” her emerald eyes glittered up at him. He smiled back. Those eyes really could be her grandmother’s, he thought to himself.
Soon, music had begun to play dancing ensued. Andolyn, Barden, Roselyn, and Spade lingered next to the bar eating a bite of the cake Keelin had prepared for the twins. Roselyn was busily inspecting Spade to see if he truly was Andolyn’s brother. She was satisfied when she heard the two of them laugh in chorus; she was then dragged to the dance floor by a rather attractive gentleman.
Even as they stood there, Spade’s eyes kept wandering to the thin girl, happily dancing in the middle of the floor. Keelin was the envy of Handunburg, and her graceful charm had entranced the young thief. Andolyn cleared her throat as she slid next to her brother.
“Go,” she ordered simply.
“What?” Spade acted as inconspicuous as he could, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Please,” Andolyn scoffed, “You’ve had eyes on her since we set foot in this town.”
“What makes you think she’d want to dance with me?” Spade turned dismissively back to his ale.
“That,” Andolyn spun him around to see Keelin gazing at him with a shy smile.
Andolyn pushed her brother playfully to where he had no choice but to dance or run screaming from the tavern. Inside the thief would have liked to choose the latter, but outside, he tried to maintain his usual cool charm—that is until he tripped on a chair leg. Keelin only giggled as she grabbed his hand, hauling him to the dance floor.
“Well, what about that,” Barden shook his head. “He really does have a way with the ladies.”
“As if you don’t,” Andolyn eyed him with a smirk.
“You know,” Barden began as he returned her smirk, “Rumors have been flying around town about the two of us.”
“So I’ve heard,” replied Andolyn, taking his now outstretched hand and following him to the dance floor. The two of them twirled and spun with the greatest of grace to the soft ballad that was now being played. Andolyn felt the need to initiate conversation.
“How do you feel,” she started awkwardly, “about those rumors?”
“Well,” Barden’s face turned seven shades of red, “I, um…” The two gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, both trying to interpret the other’s thoughts. Half of the people around the couple stopped to watch them.
*****
Well, now! I know that was a long chapter, but it didnt contain MUCH pertinent info, so I hopefully didnt overload everyone...for the DP...WHAT HAPPENS HERE??? Kellan and Andolyn are heating up, but will the friendship that was born in so much turmoil turn out to be too much for them to resist?? you decide!! =)
light DP for once. cant wait to see where you all take this! XD
Last edited by Andolyn on Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Lilith
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Another wonderful edition to your tale! A couple of lines/paragraphs really stood out for me actually, particularly this one...
| Quote: | | Another week passed in the quiet town of Handunburg, and the travelers had become quite comfortable there. Not having to hide themselves was a commodity the trio was sure they would never again experience, but here they were in this tiny mountain village, and they were not only accepted by the people, they were loved. |
I did really love this opening paragraph. It's simple, yet descriptive, and has...almost an innocence about it, completely untouched by anything bad or evil. It's wonderful, and draws the reader in like a warm hug. Very well done!
There was only one thing that I found, and that was that 'flour' was mispelled a couple of times in the scene where the gang were making cookies, but that's all and an easy enough mistake to make.
For the dp...ooo! Andolyn and Barden. As tempted as I am for them to just go ahead and have a good snog, I'm going to say that Andolyn seems to have a distinct attraction to Kellan, and I don't want any awkwardness to get in the way of hers and Barden's friendship (though I do absolutely adore him, and would love nothing more than for him to sweep her off her feet!). I say they laugh the idea off, and keep going with their merry dancing.
Fabulous as always, hun! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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how very embarrassing....lol!! fixed it, Tika! XD
thanks, girls, for commenting!! i'm glad you're enjoying it. =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:46 am Post subject: |
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| anyone else?? =) this girl's ready to go!! lol
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry for the late response, but I just read through this. Brilliant chapter An! I absolutely loved i. It was light, for once xP
DP? Barden and Andolyn kiss, just as Kellan bursts thru the door with his reinforcements. I know, that would lead to a lot of tension, but would make the story a bit more interesting
Either that, or they both have a nice laugh and move on to other not-so-important-stuffs.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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No no no no no!!!! Atleast not till this 'conflict' is over.
Save the romance, please, and get the job done soon
And I don't think you'll need my comments at all. Every chapter keeps getting better, and you're leaving me with nothing new to say. Very well written and I loved it. Apologies for getting here VERY late. Exams just ended and I'll be online a lot more frequently now, so expect to see me around here a lot
_________________
The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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| WOOHOO!! glad to see you two!! and i totally understand the exams thing...mine begin in about 2 weeks. alright...polling!!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:18 am Post subject: Voted |
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Voted, and I must say, I'm liking this more and more.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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thanks for the votes everyone!! =) we'll jump right in to this one.
*****
“Well,” Barden’s face turned seven shades of red, “I, um…” The two gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, both trying to interpret the other’s thoughts. Half of the people around the couple stopped to watch them.
“That’s just weird,” they simultaneously stated, stepping back from one another.
“I love you,” Andolyn started uncertainly, “but…”
“But not anything close to that way,” Barden finished for her, relieved to hear they had been congruent in their thinking, as usual.
“Right,” the princess stood awkwardly for a moment then grinned at him.
With that out of the way, the band began a lively tune and the two continued to dance as though the conversation had never happened, only this time with slightly more spring to the steps they took.
Out of every birthday she had ever experienced, Andolyn could remember none on which she was as happy as she was that day, but the biggest surprise had yet to come.
~~~~~
After hours of dancing, singing, and eating, the party had ended, and it was time to start cleaning up. Andolyn grabbed a broom and began to sweep up the mounds of confetti, but Roselyn grabbed her arm and tugged her to a quiet corner where Alberich, Barden, and Spade were waiting for them.
“Let the girls handle that,” Alberich suggested, “Not everyone has been able to give you their gifts yet.” Alberich handed Spade a long, thin box. When the young man tore away the packaging, a thin sword gleamed back at him from the blue silk that cushioned it. The only thing finer than the opalescent hilt and handgrip was the fine steel of the blade that bore ancient Ardaran runes etched deeply in the sides. If not for its age, Spade would have sworn the handiwork was Kellan’s—perhaps an ancestor of his had been the craftsman.
“That sword belonged to your father,” Alberich informed him. “I have been its keeper since I was given charge of its history fifteen years ago. I hope it will help you in your quest to attain your position as king of Ardara.”
Spade almost dropped the blade with this proclamation. In all truth, he hadn’t really thought about what his bloodline meant. Never had he wanted the crown for himself; his goal had always been to remove Radan and his family from the throne, but never had he contemplated what would happen after that.
Barden, too, was struck with the strange sound of his friend as king of Ardara. It was a role that Barden would never have pictured for the free spirited man he knew Spade to be, but then, there was much about Spade that Barden had yet to learn.
“Thank you,” Spade managed to choke out. Alberich only nodded at the boy.
“You never opened mine!” Roselyn reminded Andolyn.
“I didn’t, did I?” Andolyn reached in her bag for the two gifts Roselyn had brought her. She tore open the one with Roselyn’s name written on the paper. Inside was a box that held a pair of sapphire and opal earrings. They had belonged to Andolyn’s grandmother; she was forced to leave them behind upon fleeing the castle. With tears in her eyes, she hugged her friend. “Thank you, so much.”
“I thought you might want those back,” Roselyn beamed.
“Those will go beautifully with my gift,” Alberich slid a small chest toward the princess. It wasn’t wrapped, but the box itself was of exquisite beauty. The dark, cherry wood was ornately decorated with silver. Anxiously, Andolyn slid the tiny bolt that held the wood closed. Inside was a petite silver locket with opals and sapphires embedded in the edges and indentions in the velvet that matched the shape of the earrings that had just been returned to her. Around both, in the blue velvet was a thin, circular space that Andolyn couldn’t identify. With shaking hands, Andolyn lifted the locket. She handed it to Barden to open for her since her right hand was still in its brace. A curious expression crossed the bard’s face as he gazed at the picture inside. He passed it back to the princess.
Though the face was much younger, Andolyn felt her heart skip as she stared into the face of her grandmother.
“I would like you to meet the queen of Ardara,” Alberich smiled.
“I don’t understand,” Andolyn’s mind raced. “That’s my grandma.”
“Yes, it is,” Alberich mistook the girl’s confusion. Roselyn pushed the other package she had brought toward the girl. She didn’t know what it held, but she didn’t like the distressed look this last gift had brought.
“Open this one,” Roselyn insisted, “It came from Bridlestrom just before I left.”
“It’s from,” Andolyn frowned, “Grandma.” To any normal person, receiving a gift from one’s grandmother wouldn’t be such an outlandish idea, but since Andolyn was on the run, it was strange that Grandma had gone to all the trouble to track her down just to give her a birthday present. A note was attached to the top of the package.
My Dear Andolyn,
This birthday is especially pivotal in your growth into the woman God meant for you to become. This birthday, you are struggling against one of the most fearsome foes you will ever face.
Seeing you again showed me that the time has come for you to know who you are. With your loving heart and joyous soul, you will lead Ardara to places I never dreamed. The legacy I leave you is one of a broken nation that once was beautiful. With the help of God and the wonderful young men you have as escorts, you will succeed in anything you set your heart and mind to accomplishing.
I am growing weaker. This is no secret. After my family was broken, I hadn’t the heart or strength to fight further for Ardara’s crown. When Maira’s advisors arrived years later at my hiding place in Bridlestrom with you, I was thrilled to be given the chance to rebuild. I am no longer able, so the duty falls to you, my child, and with it, I give you my crown. Wear it proudly when you are queen. Use the gifts God has given you, and rebuild our nation.
This must be so much to take it, my dear, but it is information you will need. There is so much more I wish to tell you, but for now, being concise is of the utmost importance. You have a twin brother, Andolyn. His name was Anthony. I do not know whether or not he lives, but should you ever meet him, give him half of my love. Keep the other half for yourself so that between the two of you, you will have it all.
Be safe, my dear. Grandma loves you.
Andolyn was in a state of shock. She passed the note to Spade. As he read it, Andolyn opened the worn package. She now knew what filled the slot in the chest. Crested with the brightest of opals and sapphires, her grandmother’s elegant tiara glittered up at her from the crumpled paper.
Now was Alberich’s turn to be shocked. The scholar almost fell over his chair he stood so quickly. Through almost fifty years of searching, he and the order that had been his predecessors had searched for the crown of their beloved queen. They assumed it had been lost in the battles or destroyed by the traitors when they took power. He now understood the girl’s astonishment at seeing the face in the locket.
“All this time,” Andolyn shook her head, “all this time, it was her. The queen—my true grandmother—was Grandma that I’ve loved all my life.”
“Well,” Alberich composed himself, “why don’t you try it on?” But Andolyn laid the tiara in its proper place in the cherry wood chest and closed the lid.
“Not yet,” she whispered, “I haven’t earned it.” More than satisfied with the young woman’s answer, Alberich sat back in his seat.
Spade handed the parchment back to her as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
“I got to meet her,” he smiled, “my real family.” Alberich looked him squarely in the eye.
“Your parents that brought you up,” he started, “your sister, your grandmother, and half this town are your real family. Real family is composed of the people who love you—whether or not blood ties you together.”
Spade never forgot that statement; it was a comfort and a holding place for every day of the rest of his life.
*****
WEEEEELL, after that massively awesome DP last time...i'm going to make this a two part chapter & not have a DP for this one.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Your tale continues to be brilliant, and I'm loving these links being forged between the characters. The revelation that Andolyn's grandmother is the lost queen of Ardara is a fab edition to your story. I did especially like this line...
| Quote: | | “Your parents that brought you up,” he started, “your sister, your grandmother, and half this town are your real family. Real family is composed of the people who love you—whether or not blood ties you together.” |
A wonderful couple of lines, I have to say, and so true as well. Very nice.
Just a couple of little things here...
| Quote: | | This must be so much to take it, my dear |
In
| Quote: | | It wasn’t wrapped, but the box itself was of exquisite beauty. The dark, cherry wood was ornately decorated with silver. |
Now this could just be me, so don't feel it has to be changed in the slightest, but the latter of the two sentences seems to be missing something, possibly a little more description of the box maybe. Or possibly putting the two sentences together? Maybe something like...
It wasn't wrapped, but the box itself was of exquisite beauty, the dark cherry-wood surface ornately decorated with a patterning of silver.
...But everyone has their own writing style, and everyone who's read any of my works knows that I can make single sentences last for around three rows of text with my penchant for the over usage of commas, so, as I said, don't take it as an actual critisism. Just making my opinion known.
I just realised that there's no dp as of yet, so I look forward to part 2, whatever it may bring!
Still loving it, Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 11:19 am Post subject: |
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fair warning...this is a HUGE chapter, but there's a certain point i need to reach for the next DP...we're SO CLOSE!!
*****
Weeks passed after the eventful birthday, and chilly October traded its beautiful leaves to November’s cold rains. Roselyn said her goodbyes and headed off to a University in the neighboring country of Elbriar.
“Take care of yourself, Rosie,” Andolyn charged her the day she left.
“You do the same,” she had replied. “I know you’re planning something big for the next few weeks, but be careful. Radan’s been far too happy these last few days. I think he’s got something up his sleeve.” With warm embraces for them all, Roselyn was gone, promising to return as soon as she could.
The young men of Handunburg grew restless. They knew now that their rulers had returned, but without a plan of attack any venture to march on Darbinshire would end in disaster. Barden and Spade spent many endless hours discussing the ins and outs of the castle to better plan entrance—and escape, should the need arise.
During one of their meetings, as she had done many times before, Andolyn ran into the tavern, kissed Barden and Spade each on the cheek, and raced up the stairs to her room clutching a letter from Kellan that Lunaria had just brought her.
“I wonder when she’ll realize,” Spade said more to himself than anyone else.
“What?” Barden chimed in, “That she’s falling for that blacksmith?”
“Exactly,” Spade nodded with a sly smile. “And that he’s completely smitten with her.” The whole group laughed heartily.
“The end of November is the anniversary of the Hallams’ rise to power,” One of the Generals, Alistair, who had served under the refugee Kavanaghs in the early days of the Underground brought the meeting back to its focus.
“That’s right!” Barden remembered, “They always have a huge festival in Darbinshire to celebrate.”
“What better time to march than when half the guards are slobbering drunk?” Spade chimed in.
*****
It had been settled. With the end of November would come the march that would be Ardara’s salvation or its undoing. Spade would send word to Kellan to prepare the Underground, and together, they would take on Darbinshire Castle.
At the end of the day, Spade thought it was strange that Andolyn was absent from dinner, but he guessed she had probably forgotten to tell them she was eating with one of the families in town. He didn’t even worry all that much when Barden and Alberich said their early goodnights, and she hadn’t returned. It was when he was heading to his room and the rain had started to pour that Spade truly became concerned.
He settled himself restlessly into his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. He shut out his vision and allowed the rest of his senses to heighten. The smell of the fresh November rain wafted through his room, mixed with the smell of the wood fire down in the tavern. The crisp air from his open window caused the tiny hairs on his arms to stand on end. Many sounds floated to his sensitive ears. The rain softly pounding the roof and window sill, an owl warm and dry in his hole, and was that—sobbing?
Spade sat up in his bed and crawled to the window. There was no mistaking it. Someone was on the roof above him, and they were crying. The nimble thief hoisted himself up and out of the window, then with a series of summersaults, landed gracefully on the rooftop.
Andolyn didn’t act as though she noticed his presence. Her golden hair, now darkened with water, was strung haphazardly around her face. The raindrops that landed on her upturned cheeks glittered in the moonlight that broke through the thick clouds. Spade stealthily crawled to the girl and sat next to her.
“Andy?” Spade’s turquoise eyes were heavy with concern. She didn’t speak, she only handed him the letter she had received from Kellan that morning. Has she been up here all day? He wondered. How did we not know that?
Milady,
I wish my reasoning for writing this letter was for the simple honor of corresponding with you, but to my great heartache, it is not.
I received word from a member of the Underground stationed in Bridlestrom this morning that things are not well there. It is with my deepest regret and sympathy that I inform you that your grandmother passed away earlier this week. I was told it was a peaceful passing, and she felt no pain.
I was blessed to meet your grandmother on several occasions during the last several weeks, and though it will not console you in the slightest, I loved her, and I know that she loved you dearly. She always made it a point to know your whereabouts and how you were doing.
I wish so much that I could be there to help you through this difficult time, but duty demands that I remain here to coordinate between your army and the Underground. Tell Spade I hope to hear from him soon. Take care, Milady.
Regretfully,
Kellan
Spade felt like he’d been hit with a battering ram. Though he’d only met her once, and only recently discovered what she meant for himself, he loved the woman that Andolyn idolized. Unsure of what to say, Spade placed a hand on Andolyn’s shoulder.
“No stars tonight,” he mumbled.
Unable to hold back any longer, Andolyn leaned on her brother and sobbed openly. As he held her and laid his head on her trembling shoulder, Spade allowed several silent tears to escape his eyes as well. They remained this way for the better part of an hour.
“What am I going to do, Anthony?” the girl didn’t move, she only spoke.
“I don’t know,” Spade spoke honestly. “What are either of us going to do?” Andolyn sat up and looked at Spade with questions in her eyes.
“She was my teacher. I learned everything I know about the important things in life from her. I learned to be the person I am from her.”
“Well then,” Spade offered, “She’s not really gone. She’s still there.” Spade pointed to Andolyn’s heart. “And there,” he pointed to her eyes. “No, she’s not gone.”
Andolyn couldn’t help the shadow of a smile that crossed her lips. The two of them sat in silence for a long time, forgetting the rain that poured down on them.
“Do you really think we can do this?” Andolyn started again after some time. Spade’s answer was a sunken shrug.
“I’ve never really thought about it,” he said after a pause, “being a king, I mean. It was enough of a shocker that we’re really twins. I felt a connection to you, but twins? I guess it does make sense when you think about it.”
“If you said, ‘Part of me knew all along,’ I was going to punch you.” Andolyn cringed.
Spade laughed before continuing, “And then to find out we’re royalty? Now that was the real shock. To be honest, I don’t know that I’d be any good at it.” Andolyn almost laughed. “You, on the other hand,” he gazed at his sister lovingly, “seem to have been made for the job.” This time she did laugh.
“Yes, because everything about me just screams, ‘Queen of Ardara’,” she teased.
“More so than you think,” Spade’s answer held no humor. “You really are fit for this.” Andolyn didn’t reply. She didn’t know how he could be so sure. “Now me, there would be a revolt the day after I became king if that happened—especially given the option between the two of us. Everyone loves you too much…And since there’s no way to prove which of us is older…” Andolyn shoved him playfully.
Suddenly, an arm came over the edge of the roof followed by Barden’s head, and clumsily, the rest of his body.
“You all do know what time it is, right?” Barden complained as he laid on his back to rest.
“We were just enjoying this lovely weather,” Spade lifted his hands, and a rain-soaked leaf smacked him in the face. Andolyn laughed in spite of the thousands of pieces her heart had crumbled into this most dark of nights. She pointed to the one broken spot in the clouds where a single, tiny star dared to shine through.
“There’s one,” she leaned on Spade’s shoulder, her pain eased by the presence of her ever-vigilant protectors once again.
*****
“The queen is truly dead, then?” Alberich’s tone was one of great sadness as he stroked his beard. “Perhaps it is better that her very existence be kept to those who knew of it already. Ardara has faced the tragedy of losing her once, best not to force it upon them again.”
“It will give her family opportunity to mourn her quietly as well,” Barden clapped Spade sorrowfully on the back.
With solemn nods, the small group that met again in the tavern agreed to silence.
Andolyn had yet to surface that day. Spade wondered if she was on the roof again, or if she had just remained in her room. At lunch time, Barden brought her a tray of food Keelin made for her. He knocked on the heavy door and found that it swung open easily. On her bed, in the dark corner of the room, Andolyn lay watching him. He knew she was grieving, but the princess also looked pale—sickly almost. Barden sat next to her on the soft mattress. He pushed an unruly curl out of her face.
“Are you alright, Andy?” his voice was as soft and tender as she had ever heard.
“I miss her, Barden,” she whispered, “The last time I saw her, I had to rush off. I didn’t really even take the time to give her a proper goodbye.” Barden shushed her quietly.
“It’s not as though you could really help that, is it?” he lifted her scarred hand. The mark was slightly reddened. “Andy, she knew you loved her. No rushed goodbye would have changed that.” He leaned and kissed her forehead. “I’ll leave you alone for now. Call if you need anything.” Andolyn nodded before rolling to face the wall.
Later that evening, Andolyn, in her soft cotton dress, made her way down the stairs for dinner. The group ate in silence at their usual table. When they had finished eating, Andolyn dismissed herself from the table.
“You going to bed already?” It pained Barden to see her hurt this way.
“I’m not feeling very well,” Andolyn rubbed her forehead as she turned away. Barden thought she looked even paler than she had that morning, but it must have been his imagination…
*****
Spade started awake in the middle of the night to the sound of a soft voice in the hallway. He jumped up, holstered a deck of his cards, and made his way cautiously to the door. There hadn’t been a threat from Darbinshire in Handunburg in years, but then, there hadn’t been such refugees as this in Handunburg in years either.
Nothing could have prepared the young man for what awaited him on the other side.
Andolyn braced herself next to the doorframe. Shaking and struggling to catch her breath, Andolyn held her left hand—the source of the blood that covered the front of her dress and her face.
“Help me,” she breathed before falling to the floor. Horrified, Spade held his sister and began calling for help.
“Barden! Alberich!” he screamed, paralyzed by shock.
Awakened from his deep sleep, Barden stumbled to the hallway, but was instantly sobered by the scene.
“What happened??” Barden ran to Spade’s side.
“I—I don’t know!” Spade’s voice was strangled with terror.
“Here!” Barden pulled his shirt off and wrapped Andolyn’s hand tightly. “We’ve got to stop that bleeding.” Andolyn shivered, but sweat covered her brow. Barden’s hand went to her forehead. “Gah, she’s burning up.”
Alberich appeared in the hallway. His face was calm, but his eyes were full of fear.
“Bring her in here,” he pushed the door to his room open. Barden lifted Andolyn and carried her into the large room. Spade, covered in blood himself and still in a state of shock, remained on the floor where he found his sister. Alberich offered him a hand, and Spade took it, standing shakily.
When Spade entered the room, it was a panicked frenzy. Barden grabbed anything within reach to hold over Andolyn’s hand while Alberich tried to get a response from the comatose girl. The scholar ran to a nearby table and began frantically writing on a piece of parchment. He turned to Spade.
“Run to the apothecary,” he instructed. “The chemist lives above the shop, so just yell for him. Tell him I need a generous amount of everything on this list.” Spade nodded and sprinted from the room.
When he returned moments later, Alberich took the herbs and began mashing them vigorously in a small pot. Barden stood, having tied yet another cloth over the now open wound.
“I don’t understand!” he ranted, “That was a scar only this morning! It gave her some trouble when they first cut her, but that’s been almost four months ago!” Alberich stopped suddenly and looked Barden directly in the eye.
“Who cut her?” he demanded coldly.
“Well,” Barden was taken aback by Alberich’s sudden fury, “Radan’s men. It happened the day we met her.” Alberich breathed in deeply to calm himself. He turned knowingly to Andolyn and began dressing her hand with the mixture of herbs Spade had brought.
“Alberich,” Spade asked slowly; his wits had returned to him, “What’s going on?”
“She’s been poisoned,” the scholar sighed deeply.
The memory of his encounter with the soldiers flooded Barden’s mind. His ears seemed to ring with the captain’s wicked threat: You’d better be thankful His Majesty didn’t tamper with the weapons this evening…
Before he knew what he’d done, Barden had put a fist through the wall of the room.
“How did I not see that??”
“I’ll kill them,” Spade stood to leave the room, his icy rage revealing his dangerous potential. “I’ll kill them all.”
“We need to assemble the men, we’ll march tonight!” Barden moved to follow Spade. Before either of them could take a step, however, Spade felt a soft tug on the back of his shirt. He turned to see Andolyn gripping him as hard as she could. Her eyes were bloodshot and a frightening contrast to the pallor of her face. She shook her head feebly.
“He might have an antidote somewhere,” Spade knelt next to the bedside, a different person speaking to his sister than the vengeful man he had been only seconds before. Again, the princess shook her head.
“Festival begins…in five days,” Andolyn’s voice was barely recognizable, “moving the day of your march…will only…jeopardize the mission. You march…the day after tomorrow.” Andolyn looked at him with resolve in her emerald eyes before losing consciousness once again.
“She’s right, you know,” Alberich’s quiet voice came from behind him. “If you left now, you might be able to make it back with an antidote in time—or you might not—but either way, you would throw away any chance at a successful operation.” Here, Alberich nodded solemnly. “It took a true leader to realize that, and it took a true ruler to put herself behind her country.”
Utterly deflated, Barden plopped himself in a chair in the corner of the room. With tears in his eyes, Spade lowered his head to the bed where Andolyn lay and wept bitterly, feeling as though he was being stripped of everything he loved once again.
*****
Well, now...we're drawing closer to the final confrontation...what do the heroes do? Do as Andolyn wishes and wait for their scheduled departure or leave now? Leaving could mean throwing away any chance of success...but waiting could mean Andolyn's life. You decide!!
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Lilith
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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I don't see why leaving now is a definite death cert to the operation. Besides, Andolyn really does need the antidote. We also don't know for sure that he has an antidote, or how we get our hands on it, but there's nothing else we can do for now. So I'd say that we leave right away, but Lilith's idea sounds good too.
Great chapter again, btw. I'm really enjoying your writing!
_________________
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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*sighs*
Judging from the way the 2 men reacted, they would leave immeadiately. Like the two above me, I dont see why leaving now would guarantee failure but it's true they have a better chance of winning the war if they wait. I suggest they leave with their army for an all out attack, but not with the aim of felling the kingdom.
If they get the antidote, retreat, regroup and wait for a better time, probably. If we cant save her, go ahead and crown yourselves.
Brilliant writing, amazing DP, but sad, sad, chapter
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Wow, things are really coming to a head here! The excitment is building for a truly brilliant conclusion, me thinks, and I look forward to reading it. The chapter was touching and heartfelt, as well as dramatic. And I don't think our Andi is cruel enough to kill off Andolyn, so I'm pretty sure we can all rest easy on that being a possible conclusion.
Also, I really loved that part when the single star appears amidst the parted clouds. Really nice little touch there. I think it's the little things like that that really give life and personality to a story. Very well done indeed!
I found a couple of things, most of which aren't mistakes, nor even complaints as such, but merely observations that will help polish your story...
| Quote: | | “Well then,” Spade offered, “She’s not really gone. She’s still there.” Spade pointed to Andolyn’s heart. “And there,” he pointed to her eyes. “No, she’s not gone.” |
As I said before, nothing wrong with this selection of sentences at all. But, as the case is with probably every writer, one can always make it better. First thing, double usage of 'gone' in close conjunction. Though it doesn't exactly jar upon reading, it immediately caught my eye. I think that the first 'gone' could be replaced with 'left us', and the flow will be that much smoother.
The second thing is to do with the part marked in red. This is a big moment, one senses. Their grandmother is dead, and through Spade's comfort of Andolyn, one can feel those bonds between them growing all the stronger. I don't know if it's meant to be, but to me, the moment seems very poignant. For that reason, I think the tale would benefit from a little embellishment in the marked area.
I hope I'm not overstepping here with my opinions and suggestions. I honestly wouldn't bother if I thought your tale wasn't good enough to reach the goal you have of getting the story published, and anything I suggest is only to add that extra bit of sparkle to an already glowing storyline.
| Quote: | | “If you said, ‘Part of me knew all along,’ I was going to punch you.” Andolyn cringed. |
Should be 'you'd' I think.
Okay, for the dp...I'm agree with Andolyn's (in the story) thinking. They shouldn't go and put their mission in jeopardy, even though the princess herself is in such a perilous condition. Alberich is a scholar with knowledge of healing remedies and cures. I say he tries to find an antidote himself, or something to staunch the flow of the poison. Just to keep it reasonably at bay until the opportune moment when they launch their attack, and in turn get the chance to find the real antidote.
Really enjoying it Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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Poll Time, I think?!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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| YESSIR!! XD
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 3:45 am Post subject: |
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| There is no way Barden and Spade would sit and wait for 2 days while watching Andolyn waste away. They might give waiting a try, but they won't be able to do it. They'll definitely go tonight, I think. Whether or not it's the right thing to do, I have no idea.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:26 am Post subject: |
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| Sagittaeri, did you read this whole thing?? If so, I'm extremely flattered & must say kudos. Lol that was a LOT of reading. Lol
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:55 am Post subject: |
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| Yup, I read the whole thing. Took me awhile, too, but it was totally worth it!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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| aww!! what a high compliment!! thanks! =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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After spending an hour staring at the floor, soaking in all that had happened that night, Barden stood suddenly. Spade, who had fallen asleep clutching Andolyn's hand started awake at the movement.
"I can't do it," Barden yelled. Alberich gave the young man a questioning look. "I can't just sit here and watch her die. Even if I have to go by myself, I'm leaving tonight."
"No," Spade's eyes held a hauntingly glazed look as he gazed at Andolyn. "You'll not go alone. We'll muster the men. Anyone willing to leave immediately will accompany us."
Alberich's eyes fell. He knew the foolishness of what they were about to do, but too, he understood the desperate love these men had for the girl. He stood quietly and left the room.
Another two hours passed before Alberich returned. Though Barden and Spade both desired to leave now and save Andolyn's life, neither of them had the heart to walk out the door and start the journey.
Alberich leaned on the door frame.
“Would she want you here?” his question caught them off guard. “I've gathered the men and sent word to Kellan of your plans to leave early. Since you are leaving, I personally think she would want you down in that tavern preparing your men for the battle they are riding into.”
“We can’t just leave her here,” Barden protested.
“As if she’s going to run off?” Alberich shot back.
“But she might…” Spade couldn’t bring himself to complete the sentence.
“That is my problem to worry with. There is nothing you can do for her here,” Alberich’s voice was quiet but firm. “If you go to Darbinshire and give your all and take back Ardara, you will have fulfilled her wishes. You will give her the very thing for which she has placed her life on the line.”
Barden stood. He was anything but happy with the idea of leaving her, but he knew Alberich was right.
“What do we need to do?” he sighed.
“You need to go downstairs and plan the attack with your men. You need to show them their leaders. You need to take their heart for battle and convert it into something you can use.”
Reluctantly, the two young men did as they were told. On his way out the door, however, Alberich caught Spade’s arm.
“I know this is difficult for you, most of all, Spade,” the teacher’s eyes were full of sympathy. “You have the most to lose in the coming days.” Spade felt hot tears sting his eyes as they rested on Andolyn’s prostrate form.
“I could have stopped this,” he whispered, “I was with her when it happened. I let them get to her.” Alberich took Spade’s shoulders and faced him.
“None of that,” he scolded gently. “If you think for a moment that she blames you, you don’t know her at all.” Spade nodded. “Besides, you have bigger things to worry about.” He glanced briefly at Andolyn.
“I know ruling Ardara is the last thing you want, but look at her, son. There is a high likelihood that she will die.” Spade flinched at the words. “I am going to do everything in my power to prevent it, but should I fail, the responsibility of ruling this nation will fall to you. You have to prepare yourself for that reality.”
From his belt, the teacher produced the sword Spade had left in his room—his father’s blade. Solemnly, Spade took it and fastened the belt around his waist—a perfect fit.
Speechless and stunned, Spade made his way down to where Barden was doing a fine job of rallying the troops. Upon seeing Spade, Barden made a sweeping motion in his direction.
“And here is your future king!” he cried. The men and the few women that had joined them cheered heartily, but Spade felt as though he would be sick. He breathed deeply before raising his arm and revealing the small tattoo. The people cheered ever louder.
Up in the room with Andolyn, Alberich smiled softly upon hearing the noise. The boy will make a king yet…
*****
The next morning was filled to the brim with last minute preparations. Andolyn woke only briefly to wish them farewell. Her fever had yet to break, and her hand—though it had slowed—continued to bleed.
Spade stood before a mirror in his room. Gently, over his black shirt, Spade put on the vest Andolyn had given him for their birthday. It fit him beautifully. He slid the belt with his father’s sword around his waist and examined his appearance.
Gone was the carefree wraith that had haunted the byways of Ardara for so many years. However reluctantly, Spade had returned to the young warrior he had been since boyhood, but he was now so much more. Looking in the mirror, Spade pushed his hair out of his face and stood tall and proud. For the first time in his life, Spade was proud; he was proud of his past, proud of his little family, and proud of the man he had become.
If he only knew just how much he looked like his father in that instant…It was not a path he willingly chose, but for his sister, and for his country, Spade—no, Anthony—Anthony Kavanagh, would be King and lead his small army to take back Ardara.
*****
The overall mood of the Handunburg army was one of sorrowful silence. No one wanted to speak what everyone was thinking. No matter the outcome of this battle, their princess would be hard pressed to survive.
Despite the deep snow, the journey to Darbinshire was uneventful at best—a day and night of their journey had passed already. Barden couldn’t say he minded very much. It gave him time to think. He glanced at Spade. The young king stared straight ahead as though deep in thought himself. Barden couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling at that moment. Andolyn held a huge part of his heart, but nothing like that of a twin—and then to add being king out of nowhere…it was really a lot to handle.
He’s doing a great job of handling it. Barden thought to himself. I’d probably be insane by now.
The truth was, Barden felt a bit low about himself at that moment. He had come from a good home. His parents loved each other dearly. Going out into the wild world was his own decision, and before meeting Andolyn, no true danger had come into his life. Spade had been on the battlefield from the time he was able to hold a sword. Then there was Andolyn. Her childhood had been perfect—aside from the fact that her true family was murdered by usurpers—but her recent years had been one torment after another…and now they might lose her forever.
Maybe I’ll have a chance to prove myself in Darbinshire.
They were coming up on the place where the three of them had begun the snowball fight what seemed like years ago. Barden could almost see Andolyn popping up out of the snow bank with a frozen ball in her hand, ready to fire. He heard what sounded like a sneeze from Spade’s direction. When he looked over, he could see the tracks of tears on the young man’s face. It was only then that he became aware of the moisture on his own cheeks.
I should have known he’d be thinking of her too.
The sun was setting, and Barden recognized the cave where they had taken refuge from the storm. It was a large cavern with a wide mouth that jutted out to form a porch-like structure that shielded it from the wind—perfect for an army of one hundred men and their horses to stay comfortably for the night.
“We should stop here,” Barden stated, breaking Spade’s thoughts. He pretended not to notice the young man wiping the tears from his face. “From here, it’s only a day’s journey to Darbinshire.” He informed one of the generals behind him.
The man nodded and ordered the ranks to unpack their things.
Barden stopped at the entrance to the vast cavern. Memories of the last time they had been here flooded his mind.
Spade lay there…And that’s where she lay. That’s where I built the fire. That’s where we talked...
He replayed the last night they had been here in his mind. He could almost hear her say the words that had made him know that he was accepted. See, I find that to be very colorful.
That girl could see color on a checkerboard. He smiled at the thought.
That night, few spoke. Barden and Spade remained silent except for further discussion of the following day. Lunaria landed in the cave somewhere near midnight with Kellan's reply to Alberich's message. According to the plan, the soldiers—dressed in travelling clothes—would sneak into the city a few at a time and enter the Emporium. There, they would prepare themselves in armor and use the same passage to gain the entrance that Barden, Spade, Andolyn, and Ebony had on that fateful night in August. Using the element of surprise, they would take down as many guards as possible while Kellan led the Underground in a direct march on the castle gates. Had circumstances been different, Spade would have wanted to lead the direct march, but his business was with Prince Radan himself, and that meant leaving the brute work to his soldiers.
The next day passed as slowly as the one before and the one before that. By the time the sun had set, they had reached the place where the snowfall had begun on their previous journey. Spade looked off to the side of the road. It was easy to see Andolyn dancing in the freshly fallen snow, her beautiful hair glowing in the moonlight, and her eyes twinkling to outshine the stars. And her smile—that smile that could melt hearts of stone—it had melted Spade’s.
Two hours later, they reached the edge of the city. Several members of the Underground, all clad in cloaks, met the large group in a meadow outside the city.
“The roads are all being guarded,” Barden recognized Kellan’s voice immediately. “We’ll have to enter through the forests surrounding the city. Some of you will go the river route. Each group of two will be assigned a member of the Underground as an escort. Move quickly, but be stealthy and as inconspicuous as possible. Festivities haven't started yet, so it's going to be a lot more difficult than we originally planned to stay out of sight."
Once the army had been divided, it was time to begin infiltration of the city. The first five groups of three moved off in separate directions. Spade and Barden walked with Kellan. Taking into consideration the wanted posters that still hung on every building in the main part of town, Kellan had brought cloaks for each of the young men.
“How is she?” Kellan didn’t bother to hide his deep concern.
“Not good, Kellan,” Spade choked. The man nodded, but didn’t press the matter further. Spade’s voice had given him the answers he needed.
It was all the resistance leader could do to hold in his anger. He had fallen for the girl; there was no denying it. Andolyn was a gentle soul with a heart of fire. Her personality contained a myriad of incongruent pieces all fitted together, forming a beautiful picture that was uniquely hers. Each day—each new letter—opened the blacksmith up to yet another facet of this vastly complex young woman. Never in his twenty-four years had he met a woman quite like Andolyn Grace, and he loved her.
Naturally, the very thought of someone harming her, much less threatening her life, was enough to bring Kellan to a homicidal state. Kellan would have preferred to face the prince with Barden and Spade, but someone had to lead the charge on the outside. As leader of the Underground, this responsibility fell to Kellan. He would do his best to meet up with Spade when the wall had been breached.
By the time his thought process had been completed, the silent trio had reached the Emporium. The round door rolled to the side, and they were greeted by Ebony when they entered. She embraced Barden and Spade warmly then lead them to where the others were waiting. The Underground’s army, which was larger than Barden would have guessed—another five or six hundred men to add to their number—and all in cloaks, was gathered on one side of the large hall in which they now stood. Kellan, Barden, and Spade made their way to the circle of couches where the rest of the leaders were discussing the night’s plans over a castle map that one of the Underground had stolen. Now it was simply a matter of waiting for the rest of the soldiers to arrive.
*****
In Handunburg, Alberich still remained with Andolyn. He lifted her limp form to get her to drink some tea and alleviate the painfully rattling cough that had plagued her for the majority of the day. Andolyn had only regained consciousness once since her plea for the young men to hold their march. When she had awakened, the whites of her eyes had gone blood red, a terrifying contrast to the emerald green of her irises. Her lips had become increasingly blue in tint. Alberich wasn’t sure she would survive the night.
Just then, he heard the soft sound of the door opening behind him.
“Keelin, hand me that towel on the table, please,” he said without looking up.
“I’m afraid Keelin is unavailable at the moment,” came an unfamiliar voice.
Alberich turned to see a thin man standing in the doorway. A wicked, pointy toothed grin lay on the man’s lips as he quietly closed the door behind himself.
Alberich stood and placed himself defensively in front of Andolyn. Willand released a taunting laugh while he slowly advanced with a dagger in his hand.
Of all the times for them to be gone!! Alberich thought desperately.
*****
OH NO!! The heroes are walking into what will now be a fully functioning guard instead of the drunken remains of one, and Alberich is facing Willand alone while Andolyn fights for her life in more ways than one. Massive chapter...apologies...Not really a DP for this one, just an opening for suggestions you might have for the next chapter!
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Vikas Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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Woahh... another brilliant chapter An!!
The fact that Alberich has to deal with Willand now throws up a lot of possibilities. Did Willand know that the army would have left? If so, how did he know? Do we have a traitor?
Spade and his troops would probably go ahead with their plans. They need to act as quick as possible, while Alberich needs to find someway of defending himself and the princess from Willand. Do something- throw a bottle of antidote on his face, kick him in between his legs. He probably doesnt have a chance and should logically be killed, which would mean curtains for the princess, but I'm hoping something stupid happens and they survive.
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Vikas Muralidharan
Be sure to read HATE in Romance section
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 7:24 am Post subject: |
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Well... That's a bit of a dampener really, but it was well written. I don't see anyway out of this. Alberich has to do something, somehow get the dagger into his own hand, and then the situation changes. Make him talk, and well, get information.
As for Spade's not-so-little army... Well, they'll just have to go ahead with their plans. They wouldn't expect a full strength army, but hopefully, the our army can hold everyone off atleast until we get the antidote for the princess
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The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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| I love this chapter. I really liked how Spade's developing, and I admire his strength of character. I really hope Andi survives this, because I believe she has so much more to offer. Damn, I can't wait for the next instalment!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Ooo! The plot thickens and edges closer and closer to it's very likely riveting end! I liked the parts where Barden and Spade were reminiscing. Makes one realise how far the trio have come together and how close they've grown in their friendship.
And now all of that might prematurely come to an end because of the reappearance of Willand! *gasp* Though I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll not let anything that horrible happen to Andolyn.
I cannot actually think of anything other than what's been suggested already for your rather open dp. But I can't wait to see what you come up with for Andolyn and Alberich's escape from Willand. Short of the latter trying to fight the younger man off, I can't see what will happen, aside from some randomer rushing in to rescue them.
Much enjoyed Andi! Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 9:16 am Post subject: |
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I will go ahead and apologize for anything i might have missed. I converted the original to fit your decision here, so if i left anything unchanged, it was unintentional. =) enjoy!!
*****
The time had finally come for the march to begin. Kellan and his cloaked soldiers made their way to the front of the Emporium while Spade and his army made for Ebony’s portal. Kellan’s men went for the stable that had fashioned itself—thanks to the magical nature of the building—next to the Emporium and mounted their horses.
Given the fact that the festival was about to begin in two days, the silent army was taken as some form of parade by the local people. All but Kellan wore uniforms of the castle guards.
After years of hiding behind his façade as a blacksmith, Kellan wore only a simple chain mail shirt over his tunic. His head was uncovered by either helmet or hood as he rode forward into the night toward the castle gates.
*****
Barden’s heart raced as he followed Spade through the dark passageway into Darbinshire Castle. The last time he had entered this place, it had been with high hopes of being a part of something bigger than himself.
Well, it doesn’t get much bigger than this. He thought. The last time, however, what had started as a quest for grandeur, and had ended in disaster with only a shred of a clue as a reward. Last time, entering the castle had been by choice. This time, it was out of necessity. If they didn’t attack now, there would be no attacking again, and Andolyn would certainly die—if she hadn’t already.
He studied Spade’s face. The young man’s eyes were ice, vengeful and focused. His jaw was set—teeth clenched.
Spade was mentally preparing himself for the upcoming battle. It would have to be quick; with Andolyn’s life on the line, he had no time to waste. He would show his men the gate then break off with Barden and head to the north tower where Radan would be in the throne room. Due only to his men’s pleading, Spade wore a breastplate of armor—which he had never done, even as a child.
“If we lose the princess,” one of the generals had told him, “you’re all we have. We can’t afford to lose you tonight too.”
Spade thought this suggestion rather depressing. He fought to think positively about his sister’s condition despite being told otherwise by almost everyone to which he spoke. His fight with Radan tonight, despite what Spade wished, would be as short as the young man could manage. He would deny himself the battle of revenge he so greatly craved if it would save his sister. He would find the location of the antidote and send Barden after it then the two of them would leave immediately for Handunburg to save Andolyn. No matter how short the battle was, however, Spade was sure of one thing: it would end with him taking Radan’s life.
Inside the castle, the hallways of the castle were calm—expectant almost. Upon reaching the end of the passageway, Spade sent a small group of his men one direction down the hallway to cut off any patrols while the rest went behind him to the castle gate to help Kellan and the Underground gain entrance.
Suddenly, from around a corner, came a man that seemed strangely familiar to Spade. The man was a soldier of Radan’s, so immediately Spade pulled a card from his belt. Astonished, the young man threw his hands in the air.
“Long live Queen Andolyn!” he yelled before Spade could release his weapon. Intrigued, Spade paused. “My name is Gawain,” the young man said from his position on his knees, “I can tell you where the antidote to the prince’s poison resides.”
“I’m listening,” Spade motioned for his men to continue down the hallway. In the distance, the sounds of battle echoed from where the attack had begun on the outside of the gate.
“Follow me,” Gawain led Spade, not to the throne room, but to a separate banquet hall off to the side with Barden’s sword to his back. Barden ventured to look around the doorway.
“He’s there,” Barden nodded, “with friends.” Before Spade could step forward, Gawain grabbed his arm.
“Be careful,” his eyes filled with genuine concern, “the prince is insane—he’s completely lost his mind. I was able to get your friend Ebony out the last time, but that’s all I was able to do without being seen. He keeps the antidote in a vial around his neck. Please get it to her—the princess was always so kind to me…”
With a curt nod, Spade rounded the corner and entered the grand room with Barden on his heels. The prince scrambled for a weapon, surprised to see his nemesis alive, much less in the castle.
The soldiers that surrounded the prince rushed forward, but with a quick, effortless flourish, Spade landed a card in each of their throats. He had no time for such distractions.
Another card left his hand, heading for Radan, but with an angry snarl, the Prince knocked the razor sharp metal away.
“Hello, Radan,” Spade spat, drawing his father’s sword and removing the cumbersome breastplate. The only defense he wore now was his long leather coat over his shirt and vest from Andolyn. He would face Radan as he had in the past. Skin and cloth, “You have something I need.”
When Kellan reached the gates of the castle, the drawbridge was down to allow for the final preparations of the celebration. A troop of soldiers was just heading out into the city. Kellan met the leader of the group head on, running his long blade between the man’s ribs before he even realized what was happening. With vicious shouts from both sides, the battle began.
Kellan’s hooded soldiers clashed with the castle guards that came rushing out of the gate. Kellan himself remained at the front of the charge he took a blow or two to the chest, but they only winded him—not enough to slow him as he fired his crossbow from his right hand and swung his sword with the left.
It seemed like the castle must have an endless source of men, and the Underground was slowly becoming outnumbered. Horns of distress rang from the turrets, and thousands of arrows rained down on the battle from above.
Where are they? Kellan wondered, praying they hadn’t been stopped inside. Almost as soon as he’d had the thought, however, fresh cries came from the renegade Handunburg army. Radan’s men were trapped between the two, and even the soldiers that ran back from the city weren’t enough to stop the force that was steadily overtaking the castle.
With a satisfied nod, Kellan broke away and made his way through the massive castle to find Barden and Spade—and hopefully, the prince.
*****
Spade slid forward with fury in his icy eyes. He held out a hand when Barden moved to follow him.
“He’s mine,” Spade hissed.
Barden wouldn’t have argued even if he’d had time, but at that moment, another man entered the room. Seeing Spade, the man charged at his back. Barden stepped up, blocking the blow with his sword and found himself face to face with the captain he had led astray so long ago.
Here’s that chance to prove myself! He thought.
“We meet again, Bard,” the man wore a wicked grin.
“Hiya!” Barden said in his falsetto voice. With a growl, the soldier swung his sword at Barden. The young man blocked the blow with ease, but soon another came at his head.
Barely noticing the exchange behind him, Spade continued to slide toward the prince, sword in hand.
“Not so brave without an army of soldiers behind you, huh, Majesty?” Spade was an oppressive, deadly force that Radan had never before encountered. This was not the boy that used to outwit him on the battle field. Spade didn’t need wit anymore. His mere presence was enough to have Radan quaking.
Radan held his composure as he backed away from Spade.
Suddenly, Barden fell to the ground off to the side—his chest and leg slashed by the captain.
“Barden!” Spade cried. The musician didn’t respond.
Radan used Spade’s distraction to jab at the young man’s face. Spade moved quickly enough that the blade only grazed his cheek leaving a bloody line.
“Take that, Anthony Jenkins!” Radan laughed maniacally. The battle had begun. While the two of them exchanged a fierce series of blows, the captain came behind Spade but was blocked once again by Barden. Staggering, he fought with his right hand while his left held his chest.
“No, you don’t,” Barden shook his head.
With encouraging smiles exchanged between the two friends, Spade took on a new fire. Radan jabbed at him, but with little effort, Spade stepped aside and knocked the blade away. He used blow after blow to knock the prince off balance. Radan swung wildly to deflect the ever persistent attacks.
Over to the side, Barden rolled quickly under a swipe the Captain made at his head. He had lost a lot of blood from the wounds already inflicted, and he knew he had to end this soon or he would lose. From his place on the floor, he jumped up, making a move for his opponent’s ribs, but the Captain was faster and jumped out of the way, smacking Barden with the flat of his sword and sending him sprawling back to the ground. Barden’s thoughts were racing, though, and as he fell, he whipped his own blade around, slashing the man’s ankle.
That should even things up a bit. He thought as he returned to his feet once again.
Kellan, hearing the commotion, ran into the room. Noticing that both enemies were occupied, he took the opportunity to lean against the wall and watch, taking down any lower soldiers that tried to enter with his crossbow.
Spade and Radan danced around the large banquet table. The prince jumped across to the other side, but Spade cleared the obstacle with a graceful summersault and was at Radan’s throat again.
When he had finally finished the captain by running him through with his broadsword, Barden dropped to his knees in exhaustion. Kellan made his way to the musician’s side to assess the damage to his chest and leg. They watched the Prince and Spade battle around and around. Now out on the balcony, Spade seemed to be inexhaustible—fueled by his rage and thirst for vengeance for his parents and his sister. Finally, he had worn the prince down.
Spade knocked Radan to the ground and placed his father’s sword at the prince’s throat.
“My name,” Spade huffed, sweating and breathless, “is Anthony Kavanagh. Give me the antidote.”
“It will do you no good now,” Radan laughed wickedly, “she will be dead by the time you get to her. You failed her the day you met her.”
The words stung worse than any wound. Spade let out a cry of rage as he shoved the sword to the point of bringing blood.
“Let me have it,” he demanded again.
“Here,” Radan threw the vial out of Spade’s reach. Barden dove to catch it, smearing his own blood on the stone floor.
“Got it!” he laughed happily.
Spade stared at Radan with fury in his eyes.
“I have waited for this day for ten years,” he hissed, “the day when I’d hold your pitiful life in my hands again.” Spade breathed deeply a few times, thinking about what he was about to do. His eyes softened ever so slightly. “But now that the day’s come, I find it hard to actually strike you down. Oh, I would love to,” he paused briefly, “but I think of her, and I wonder…is that what she would want me to do?”
Spade stood straight, removing his blade from the prince’s throat and sliding it back in its sheath.
“No,” he breathed deeply again, “she would rather you remain alive—just powerless...a fate that would be worse to you than death.” Spade spat on the ground then turned to walk back into the hall.
Behind him, Radan stood.
“You’ll regret that decision,” he mumbled under his breath. From his boot, the prince produced a short dagger. With a quick flick of the wrist, he placed it between Spade’s shoulder blades.
Kellan looked on in horror as Spade staggered. The young king’s hand clutched his chest as his breath caught deep in his throat. Spade’s eyes glazed before fluttering shut when the young man crumbled to the ground.
“Spade!” Kellan cried, enraged. He fired his crossbow, hitting Radan in the shoulder. With a single bound, he was over the long table and out on the balcony. Radan picked up his sword to try and defend himself, but Kellan’s strength was too much. The blacksmith swung his broadsword in reckless fury while Radan struggled to deflect the onslaught. With two blows, the blacksmith had taken the prince’s balance, and he plummeted over the side of the balcony, past the turrets, and into the battle at the gates below.
*****
Alberich was a very fit man for his age, but he was not a warrior, and Willand knew it. Even as Alberich reached for the dagger of his own, the way he handled it betrayed his lack of skill. It was sloppy and unrefined. This man was a scholar, not a fighter.
"How lucky it was for me that the army is already heading for Darbinshire...fools! They will find only death there. And here I was planning to have an army to contend with over her, but it's only you. A washed up teacher."
Willand's taunting was successful. Alberich rushed forward, attacking the deadly assassin. Willand, however, was prepared for this, and in one fluid motion, he grabbed Alberich's arm and plunged his own blade into the man's side. Alberich cried out in pain and fell. The wound was not a fatal one. Willand had meant for it to be so. With the defense all but gone, he planned to savor this moment. The moment when he finally had access to the princess.
Suddenly, Alberich heard singing outside the window.
Keelin! He thought frantically as he lifted himself to the window.
"Keelin! Get help!!" he cried before he felt the blade again. this time deep in his shoulder. His effort was enough, though. Keelin watched him fall and saw the man in the window.
"Bad move, teacher," Willand hissed, throwing Alberich into a chair and proceeding to tie him there. "You'll ruin all my fun."
*****
What does Keelin do?? Does she search the houses to see if any men have stayed in town? Does she ride for Darbinshire? If she takes the main road she might be able to make it by tomorrow, but she could get caught herself. Does she mount an attack of her own? You decide!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Another much enjoyed chappie, I have to say, and getting more and more exciting all the time as we draw ever closer to the, what I'm sure will be sensational, climax! So much was going on in this chapter though, that it's difficult to imagine it being topped. Spade and Barden badly hurt, Andolyn dying and in more immediate danger now alongside Alberich. Phew!
I found this one small thing here...
| Quote: | | The last time, however, what had started as a quest for grandeur, and had ended in disaster with only a shred of a clue as a reward. |
I don't think this 'and' should be there. It doesn't read right to me anyway.
Okay, for the dp, I think Keelin should try and gather as many people to her as possible as quickly as she can, and make her way up to the Princess's room with them. Men or women, just as many as she can, hopefully armed. We don't want Willand escaping now.
Great chappie, Andi! Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 4:15 pm Post subject: |
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Her queen's life is in danger, Keelin will undoubtedly rally anyone within shouting distance and lead a charge into the room! And when I say anyone, I mean anyone. Kitchen hands, chefs, farmers, anyone. They all love Andolyn, and Willard can't fight off an angry mob.
Although, if there so happen to be a sharpshooter left behind, it would be smart to use that instead of marching into the room.
Excellent chapter! I'm loving it!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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| any more votes before we continue? =)
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 3:16 am Post subject: |
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I thought I commented here :O
Aww... I would have had a different suggestion  Anyway, I've voted now xD
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VenomousAngel
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| Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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Finally managed to get all caught up, Love this story. Keep up the good work hun, Dying to know what happens next!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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When the prince’s body landed in the middle of their battle both sides froze immediately. Looking up, they could see Kellan holding the Radan’s sword aloft. Slowly, one by one, the castle guards lowered their weapons and raised their hands. Hearty cheers rose from the Underground and the Handunburg army.
Upstairs, Gawain ran into the hall where the battle with the prince and his men had just taken place. He had discovered that the remainder of the false royal family had fled when the fighting had begun. Gawain intended to relay this information to his new leaders, but the sight that greeted him when he entered the large room stole the very thought from his mind.
*****
Keelin stood for a moment in shock, trying to process what she’d just seen. Someone was in the princess’s room—someone with the intention to kill. She shook her head and thought of what to do next. Without even thinking, she ran to the nearest house and began pounding on the door. After a few moments of pounding, Keelin went on to the next while screaming for help.
The only answers Keelin got for her efforts were from a few housewives who had stayed behind with their children—not the fighter she needed to take on the man she’d seen in the window. She turned back to the tavern. She’d go in alone if she had to.
“You can’t face him alone, Miss,” came a gruff female voice from behind her.
“What else am I supposed to do??” Keelin turned, frustrated and afraid.
“Ol’ Auntie Fey’ll come with ya!” the older woman was sturdily built with wiry grey-brown hair and a rolling pin in her chubby hands. She answered Keelin’s questioning look, “What? Ain’t got no kids…all grown up’n followin’ that boy to Darbinshire. Woman’s gotta do her part, ya know?”
“Alright, then…” Keelin smirked. “Let’s go.”
*****
Kellan turned from the balcony. He stared for a moment with a heavy heart at the body of the only hope Ardara had for rebuilding.
Who will lead us now?
Barden had crawled to where Spade lay, face-down on the stone floor. From the corner of his eye, he saw Gawain enter, but he didn’t pay any attention to him.
“Spade,” Barden whispered. He grabbed the dagger and pulled it from its shallow resting in his friend’s back with a sick feeling in his stomach. He stared at the weapon with a confused look. Kellan knelt and took Spade’s shoulders gently turning his body to where Kellan could see his face.
This was twice in the last few months Kellan had held the young man this way—limp and broken with his face pale and expressionless framed by his golden hair. It took Kellan back. Back to the days when Spade had been but an infant, and Kellan had occasionally been left to watch him when there was a dangerous mission in the works. In those days, though, it had been a joy to hold him—to feel the warmth of life in his tiny body as he had squirmed in Kellan’s little arms.
Now, though, Spade was motionless, his eyes closed and his limbs dangling from Kellan’s grasp. It was all Kellan could do to hold back the tears as he hugged Spade’s body close to him.
“Kellan?” Barden held up the dagger. There wasn’t a trace of blood on the cold metal.
Kellan gazed into Spade’s upturned face. Making a fist, he rubbed the young man’s sternum with his knuckles. Spade coughed and gasped for air. Overjoyed, Kellan sat him up and patted his back. Spade winced when Kellan touched the place the dagger had been.
“Wow,” he stretched, “the prince packs a punch! What did he hit me with?”
“A dagger,” Barden was happy, but thoroughly confused. “He hit you with a dagger…in the heart. How are you alive, again?”
Kellan was marveling at Spade’s vest. He felt the fabric gently.
“I believe this remarkable piece of art is to blame,” he said, in awe, “This is pure Aegis! Where did you get this?” Aegis was a material made from flax that had been fertilized by dragon scales out of the kingdom to Ardara’s north—Elbriar. It took on the properties of the scales, and though it was the texture of silk—and just as light—it could withstand any blow and couldn’t be completely penetrated by any blade. Instead, it was said to absorb the blow, and sometimes the blade with it. It was extremely rare in Ardara.
“It was a birthday present,” Spade marveled, “from Andolyn.”
“Would you look at that,” Barden laughed, “She’s saving our lives even from a hundred miles away!”
“And now it’s time to save hers,” Spade stood after catching his breath.
“What are we going to do about the King and Queen?” Gawain remembered why he’d run in great hall to begin with.
“Don’t worry about them,” Spade waved his hand dismissively, too tired to really think about anything but getting out of the castle.
“Have my men send out a search party.” Kellan’s mind was able to focus a little better that his comrade’s at that moment.
Spade whistled loudly as they hobbled back into the hall from the balcony. By the time they made it down to the front gate, the majority of the soldiers had already been put into cells by members of the Underground. As they walked past, Kellan hurriedly passed orders along to one of his leaders. Cricket, Spade’s horse and Barden’s horse were waiting for them along with Kellan’s.
“Now that the roads are ours, it will be safe to take the shorter route to Handunburg,” Kellan thought aloud as they made their way quickly to the outskirts of Darbinshire.
With the castle in their power and the prince dead, the work was finished for the majority of the resistance fighters, but for Kellan, Barden, and Spade, the night had only begun. Once they reached the gate and were given a hearty good luck from an Undergrounder that was watching it, the three heroes broke into a full gallop and raced into the night to save their princess.
*****
By the ways of the main road, Handunburg could be reached in one day’s comfortable ride. Unfortunately, the three that raced along the road now didn’t have one day to lose. They could not afford a comfortable ride, and now they pushed their horses to run with all the speed they could rally.
Nearly half way through their journey Barden rode up to where Kellan had held the lead from the beginning.
“Here!” he held the tiny vial out to the blacksmith who tucked it in a pouch at his waist. “Keep going! I’ve got to stop for a moment.” Barden, paled from blood loss, pulled his horse to the side of the road. He would catch up with them later.
Barden watched them race off around a bend in the road, wishing he was with them. He reached in his saddle bag to get something to drink, but his hand found a clear bottle instead of his flask. Pulling it out, he recognized the strange color of the liquid inside.
Andolyn’s ointment, He thought with a warm smile. She must have had Keelin tuck it in his bag. Even on her death bed, she’s fussing over me. Barden gingerly rubbed the stinging ointment on his chest and leg. It hurt for a moment, but felt better almost instantly.
Suddenly, a rider raced past the young man.
“Must be someone going to tell the news,” Barden mumbled to himself. He only wished his task tonight was one of such joy.
After sitting for a few moments and giving his horse some water in a nearby creek, Barden mounted him again and began the chase after Kellan and Spade.
*****
Kellan’s mind was frozen. He rode without knowing what he was doing. The only thought that penetrated his mind was, She can’t die. She can’t die. Over and over the words rang out to the rhythm of his horse’s steps.
Spade’s desperation manifested itself in similar fashion. The ride was silent, but he felt more of a connection to Kellan than ever before. Countless times the two had fought alongside one another, even so much as to be named the “Scourge of Darbinshire” for their efforts. Never before, though, had a mission held as much urgency as this quiet night. To one, the girl they raced to save was a dear sister—the one that had brought a true smile to his heart after so many years. To the other, she was the woman he loved.
Both men ached from the blows they had received that night, but none of that mattered. They would reach Handunburg that night if it killed them.
*****What happens here?? do our heroes make it without a hitch? what happens with the attack on Willand? we're getting so close!!
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Lilith
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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| LOVE it Lil!!! XD
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:08 am Post subject: |
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Loved it! xD
I'm gonna say that Auntie Fey and Keelin 'take care' of williand, but the boys are ambushed before they can get to Handunburg xD
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 2:36 am Post subject: |
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Ahhh another cliff hanger! Hahaha Andi, stop doing that!
Nah, but seriously, I loved it. But, it's not a DP, is it? Can't wait for the next part!
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VenomousAngel
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:50 pm Post subject: |
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Absolutely loved it Andy, Another great addition to this story. As far as the DP goes, I would say that something has to happen to stop the boys.. Surely it cant just be a clean shot into town. I mean, you mentioned an ambush on the crew with Andy.. Surely others would be out watching and hunting Spade, as he is just as wanted as Andy is! As for the others back with Andy, Have them fighting to help her and protect her.. The old man seems strong and dependable, and that aunt... Gotta love her spirit and spunk!
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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Still waiting for our poll
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| DONE!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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Voted! And sorry I missed this Andi, I have no idea how it slipped my notice! *looks ashamed*
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Voted!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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HELLO THERE!!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!! haha! i've been in the throws of writing a story on another website as well as getting the new mayoral thing going...oh, and Bahamas. lol! but we're just about a chapter away from finishing!!! actually, this one probably won't even have a DP because the next chapter is just a wrap up. fair warning, this one is VERY long...apologies...i just couldn't stop. XD ((trust me...you all would have killed me if i had...)) but here we go!! let me know what you think!!
*****
By the ways of the main road, Handunburg could be reached in one day’s comfortable ride. Unfortunately, the three that raced along the road now didn’t have one day to lose. They could not afford a comfortable ride, and now they pushed their horses to run with all the speed they could rally.
Nearly half way through their journey Barden rode up to where Kellan had held the lead from the beginning.
“Here!” he held the tiny vial out to the blacksmith who tucked it in a pouch at his waist. “Keep going! I’ve got to stop for a moment.” Barden, paled from blood loss, pulled his horse to the side of the road. He would catch up with them later.
Barden watched them race off around a bend in the road, wishing he was with them. He reached in his saddle bag to get something to drink, but his hand found a clear bottle instead of his flask. Pulling it out, he recognized the strange color of the liquid inside.
Andolyn’s ointment, He thought with a warm smile. She must have had Keelin tuck it in his bag. Even on her death bed, she’s fussing over me. Barden gingerly rubbed the stinging ointment on his chest and leg. It hurt for a moment, but felt better almost instantly.
Suddenly, a rider raced past the young man.
“Must be someone going to tell the news,” Barden mumbled to himself. He only wished his task tonight was one of such joy.
After sitting for a few moments and giving his horse some water in a nearby creek, Barden mounted him again and began the chase after Kellan and Spade.
*****
Kellan’s mind was frozen. He rode without knowing what he was doing. The only thought that penetrated his mind was, She can’t die. She can’t die. Over and over the words rang out to the rhythm of his horse’s steps.
Spade’s desperation manifested itself in similar fashion. The ride was silent, but he felt more of a connection to Kellan than ever before. Countless times the two had fought alongside one another, even so much as to be named the “Scourge of Darbinshire” for their efforts. Never before, though, had a mission held as much urgency as this quiet night. To one, the girl they raced to save was a dear sister—the one that had brought a true smile to his heart after so many years. To the other, she was the woman he loved.
Both men ached from the blows they had received that night, but none of that mattered. They would reach Handunburg that night if it killed them.
Suddenly though, as if to accentuate the desperation of their quest, just in front of the two men, a tree fell to the ground over the road, and Radan’s soldiers leapt from every direction.
“WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!” Spade screamed, causing the man nearest him to lose his head with one blow from his sword. Kellan swung his crossbow from his back, and began firing into the swarm of men. To get a better vantage on the ground, he stood on the horse’s back and landed on the dirt surface after a graceful summersault. The fighting was intense, and the duo was outnumbered.
Just then, a loud cry came from behind them as a new man joined the fray. Kellan recognized the tall, light brown haired man as one of his own. Krysto was his name. He was an excellent fighter, skilled in the arts of archery. From his place atop a boulder, Krysto lessened the number of enemies considerably before grabbing his sword and joining Spade and Kellan.
After several more minutes of fighting, precious minutes that the princess could not afford, Kellan and Spade were growing anxious. The numbers of their enemies were dwindling, but there were still enough for them to fight for quite some time.
They needed a way out.
Krysto knew their urgency and quickly gathered more of his arrows and began firing them at one particular spot, mowing down a pathway in the oncoming men.
“Go!” he yelled above the noise of battle, “Be with her!!”
Shocked by his actions, Kellan smiled a grim smile for the young man’s courage. Without hesitating, he mounted his horse once again, and he and Spade were off. They prayed the man’s courage and skill were enough to keep him alive.
*****
Alberich was tied to a chair close to the window in the upstairs room of the tavern. The many gashes that now covered his face and arms ached. The cruel assassin sat staring at Andolyn as he had for several hours, though Alberich didn’t know why.
In truth, Willand had no idea how long he’d been in the room. Andolyn was here, and she couldn’t get away. This was a scenario he had never dreamed would come. Too distracted by her presence, he hadn’t done away with Alberich…yet.
Downstairs, Keelin also sat tied to a chair. Perhaps Willand was having an off night that evening, but killing hadn’t been on his mind—only securing his prize. True, the middle aged woman laying at his feet was a fortunate bonus, but the death had brought him little pleasure.
It was Kellan who first came through the large door. Looking around, he spotted Keelin, who jerked her head in the direction of the stairway with wide eyes. Without hesitation, Kellan bounded up the stairs.
Spade came through the open door next. He stopped to cut Keelin free.
“What’s going on??” he demanded.
“There’s a man! He said he was coming to take Andolyn,” Keelin was too shaken up to process her words. Spade’s breath caught.
“Willand,” he breathed, racing up the stairs after Kellan.
*****
The blacksmith’s sudden entrance had caught Willand by surprise, but the assassin was quick. Even as Kellan lunged forward with his sword, Willand had moved himself to the head of Andolyn’s bed placing his dagger at her throat. Kellan froze.
When Spade entered the room, the assassin had pulled the girl from beneath the blankets and was using her as a shield as he tried to move to the door.
“Get away from her,” Spade had a card in his hand before Willand saw him move.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Willand challenged, “not with her in the way.”
“You’ve seen my skill, Willand,” Spade shot back. Kellan took the opportunity to swing his crossbow around and into his hands. “I have no doubt you’ve been watching us for some time, so I know you’re aware of Kellan’s accuracy as well.”
Kellan’s anger got the better of him. He fired a single arrow that pierced Willand’s hand, causing him to drop the dagger he held to Andolyn’s throat. Then without warning, Willand threw Andolyn to the ground and plunged himself through the window to the streets below.
Kellan ran to Andolyn, lifting her gently back to the bed, and pouring some of the antidote on her inflamed hand. Supporting her head, he force fed her the rest.
Spade ran to the window where he caught a glimpse of Willand running into the night a full story below. After cutting Alberich loose and checking the woman on the floor, folding her hands on her chest, he turned, and for the first time since he’d entered, really looked at his sister.
She’s so frail. The words didn’t seem powerful enough. In the few days that they had left her, Andolyn’s body had been ravaged by the poison. She was but a wraith of the girl they had left here.
*****
Barden rode as fast as his horse would carry him. The ointment from Andolyn had given him a new fire. When passing the battlegrounds where his comrades had been ambushed, Barden paused to examine the bodies but pressed on quickly when he found that his friends weren’t among the carnage.
He was nearing town when he spotted something fall from the upstairs window of the Inn. Something big. He saw Spade standing in the window. Soon, it became obvious that what had fallen was in fact, a person. Not just any person, but Willand. Instinctively, as the man tried to run past him, Barden leapt from his horse’s back, tackling Willand to the ground.
The two men were on their feet instantly, facing one another with swords drawn.
“You plan to face me in this condition, Bard??” Willand mocked, motioning to Barden’s open wounds.
“You have cost us too much to simply walk away now,” Barden shook his head defiantly.
“So be it,” Willand smiled wickedly.
Without warning, the assassin thrust his hand toward Barden, releasing some sort of powder that burned Barden’s eyes. He stumbled back, eyes watering and feeling as though they were ablaze with white hot flames. Ignoring the pain, he squared himself and listened as Willand advanced. With a spin, Barden knocked Willand’s blade aside as though he could see it coming. He rolled into the assassin, using his own momentum to throw his elbow between the man’s ribs.
Willand fell to the ground, gasping for air. Barden wiped his eyes again. He could see now, but the vision was blurred beyond use. Willand, still on his knees, was just a rust colored lump before Barden’s burning eyes. A glint of light was enough to give away the next move, however.
In a swift motion, Willand launched one of his deadly spikes directly at Barden’s chest, but the young man again knocked it aside, rushing forward. He raised his broadsword above his head, but when he brought it down, Willand had already rolled to the side, preparing his next attack.
Barden shook his head, trying in vain to clear his vision. He took a deep breath before beginning to swing his broadsword in a large figure eight around his body. This was a tactic he rarely used, and only as a last resort. It was a maneuver that used most of his energy on one attack. This would be the final blow. This would be the moment that saw either himself or Willand walking away.
Andolyn’s fear-filled face flashed before his blinded eyes. The men who’d died before him in the battle to free Ferris lined up before him. Spade, bloodied and broken haunted him once again.
Willand had to pay.
Faster and faster, the blade spun around Barden’s body, creating a shield that nothing could penetrate. Few in the entire world had mastered this skill, and Barden was the only known master in Ardara. The speed and sheer power the maneuver required were enough to disqualify most from even attempting, but Barden, through years of discipline and pain, had achieved it.
Barden could hear the sound of metal objects hitting his shield and bouncing off as Willand attempted to get something—anything through it. Such was the art of the skill he now used that Barden could use the perfectly balanced angles of the blade to amplify the sound around him. Willand was close. Against a wall, perhaps.
Barden moved in, and Willand reacted by thrusting his sword into what seemed to be the one weak point of the attack…just like Barden wanted.
When Willand moved, Barden used the assassin’s blade to suddenly stop his own, leaving his enemy open, and his blade poised and ready for attack. With a cry and a quick lunge, Barden plunged his sword deep into Willand’s chest.
The assassin stood, a shocked expression fixed in his eyes. Slowly, he fell before Barden’s feet. The tall young man stooped, ripping the trinkets the assassin so cherished from his belt.
“I told you,” Barden panted, “You wouldn’t walk away now.”
*****
The seconds seemed like hours, and the antidote didn’t seem to be working. Suddenly, another man, the one they’d left back at the ambush raced breathlessly into the room. Kellan stood, looking questioningly at the young man.
“Krysto?” Kellan’s voice was one of a very worried man.
“It was a trap,” he rested his hands on his knees, shaking his head. “The antidote was a rouse to draw you all out. Rocas told us the truth just after you left. Gawain had been tricked as well.”
“You mean,” Spade was in shock, “we didn’t get the cure?”
“I’m afraid there is no cure,” Krysto shook his head.
Andolyn shook with a forced breath. Kellan laid his head on her arm. Alberich bowed his head and allowed silent tears to fall on his open hands. Spade’s eyes grew wide. He felt as though part of him had just died. He turned, throwing his fists against the wall.
“No,” Barden’s voice came from the open door. He couldn’t believe what the young man had just told them. Tired and bleeding, the musician fell to his knees. None of them could stop the tears that welled up from inside.
We failed.
*****
The hours dragged on, and every person in Handunburg tavern was pacing the floor—every person but Kellan, Spade, Alberich and Barden. They were sprawled all around the room where Andolyn slept.
Barden slouched against the far wall in the corner while Alberich stitched together the deep gashes in his leg and chest—his own wounds already tended. Barden clutched the handful of trinkets that had once been on Willand’s belt—a final victory for him, but it hardly mattered now. Spade’s bloodshot eyes lingered on the floor from his perch in the eastern window sill. Kellan’s head still rested on the bed as he prayed for the girl he loved.
Would this night never end? All of their hopes had shattered with the news of the prince’s final trickery. Now all they could do was sit and wait for their princess to die.
Kellan had never before experienced such heartbreak. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to lift himself from this place beside her. Suddenly, a soft hand began to slowly stroke his hair. Afraid to even hope, he raised his head. Andolyn’s hand paused on his cheek, wiping away the tears. She gazed at him with bloodshot eyes and the softest, most tender smile he had ever before seen. Thinking this was her goodbye, Kellan returned her gesture by placing his hand on her face. It was then that he felt it—after nearly a full week, her fever had broken.
He couldn’t control it. Kellan began to laugh. He laughed as he hadn’t laughed in all his life.
Spade, Barden, and Alberich looked at the young man, thinking he’d lost his mind with grief, but when they turned, they all began to laugh with him. Andolyn, looking as though she would break at any second, pulled Kellan to a tender kiss.
“She did it!” Alberich sang, “I don’t know how, but she did it!”
“You,” she looked at each of them, “I couldn’t leave you.”
At that moment, behind the snow covered mountains in the distance, the sun began to rise over Handunburg, but those emerald eyes were brighter than a thousand suns to the men in the room at Handunburg tavern that morning.
*****
Whew!! so long!!! sorry. haha! like i said, no DP for this one...the final chapter is just to wrap up the loose ends of this long, loved tale. let me know what you thought, and stay tuned for the finale!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
To be sure, it has been a while since I last read an LoK, though I wasn't disappointed with this latest installment, not least because of the scene where lovely Barden kills Willand! *starts a parade in Barden's honour*
That scene in itself was well done! Fighting/action scenes really aren't the easiest to write at all, as I know from personal experience, but you managed it just fine and I very much enjoyed it.
Here's looking forward to the big finale! Great chappie, Andi! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 5:10 am Post subject: |
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Awesome!!
I CANNOT believe that this is going to end. Such an epic you've created An. While I am looking forward to your final installment, I'm sure I will be missing these characters for a long time.
As usual, I really like your writing style. This one had a bit more action in it than the past few chapters, and like Tika said, action scenes are a bit hard to write, but you did it really well.
Looking forward to an epic finale!
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The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:18 am Post subject: |
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| Aww vishal!! I'm blushing! It's been so fantastic having you along for the ride.
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 10:53 am Post subject: |
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That was beautiful, Andi! I don't know how she survived, but I'm glad she did. When we found out that no "antidote" exists, I was sure she going to die. I'm glad she didn't.
Totally can't wait for the last chapter.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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Andolyn sat alone before an ancient mirror. The young woman that stared back at her had endured a drastic transformation from the girl that had last gazed here. The skin was still just as pale, enhanced by the opals, sapphires, and silver of the locket and earrings she now wore. The form of her body was thinner and the flowing curls considerably longer, but it was the eyes that held the greatest difference. The innocence and naivety that had once glittered on their surface was replaced by the elegance and wisdom of a queen.
Andolyn stood, moving out to the long balcony of her room that overlooked the sea. She had chosen this room almost three years ago for this very reason. Though Darbinshire was several miles from the sea, the view from her high window was vast enough to see the ships on their way to and from the ports of Bridlestrom far in the east.
There was a knock at the door behind her.
“Milady,” Kellan’s strong, yet timid voice came through the solid oak.
“Enter,” Andolyn didn’t move from her position on the balcony.
Slowly, Kellan pushed the large door open and slid into the massive room. He stepped forward, but was instantly paralyzed by what he saw. Andolyn, lost deeply in thought, leaned on the railing of the balcony. The crisp, salt air tenderly blew her golden curls back away from her face. The long, blue, silk dress she wore danced gracefully around her ankles. In a beautiful accentuation of the scene, down in the still rejoicing city of Darbinshire, the noonday bells began to toll their joyous song of freedom.
Three weeks had passed since the Ardarans had regained their nation. They were now free from the ever present threat of raids and pillaging of their homes. Instead of the filthy, drunken festivals of the Hallams spilling into the streets, families had spent the days happily rebuilding storefronts and homes, polishing every stone and returning Darbinshire to its former glory. One of the first structures to be refurbished was the beautiful church in the center of the city. It was the bells, high in the tower of this building, that Kellan heard ringing clear and loud.
At their sound, Andolyn turned to face Kellan. Again, the man was stunned. Her emerald eyes glittered brilliantly behind her long lashes. He stood in silent awe until the princess slowly reached out her hand to him.
Andolyn watched the young man advance. Since General Alistair had seen fit to enlist Kellan in the royal guard, he had recently been fitted with a suit of white armor made of rare pearlsteel from the island of Abrely off the coast of Bridlestrom. It bore the ancient crest of the Kavanaghs, the very symbol that was shared between the arms of the twin rulers. His long sword was sheathed at his waist, and his trusty crossbow was mounted to his back.
Kellan stood almost a full head and shoulders above the princess and moved with slow, determined steps as he crossed into the sunlight of the balcony. His thin face held an air of curiosity and excitement hidden behind a mask of formality. His piercing grey-blue eyes shone with the light of love and adoration as gently he knelt before his princess and kissed her hand.
Though Andolyn normally hated such formality, there was something captivating about the chivalry Kellan exuded when addressing her. He did so not out of duty, but out of genuine desire to serve her.
“Milady, it’s time,” he stood, facing her awkwardly. Kellan’s desires fought a fearsome battle against his status and duty as he stared into her smiling eyes.
“But before we go,” he stammered, “there’s something I wish to discuss.”
“What is it?” Andolyn’s eyes grew darker with concern.
“I know I have no right,” Kellan fumbled with his words, “And my station dictates that I must serve you and nothing more…”
“Kellan,” Andolyn’s hand went to his strong face, “speak your mind.”
Kellan sighed heavily. His heart and sense of duty had fought with this decision for some time now, but he knew this had to come to the surface.
“Milady,” he went to his knees, “I might…kind of, sort of, maybe…love…you…a lot.” The man’s face was as red as the rose that he produced from behind his back.
“Well,” Andolyn pulled him back to his feet, “I might…kind of, sort of, maybe…love you back.”
Kellan thought his heart would explode. He laughed shyly and stared awkwardly from the princess to the floor and back. She did the same.
He turned toward the door suddenly, offering her his arm. Andolyn laid her hand tenderly on the cold pearlsteel of his armor. With a nod of her elegant head, Kellan escorted her out of the room to where the whole of Ardara was waiting for her arrival.
*****
Two weeks before this day, Andolyn and her friends had made a somber trip to Bridlestrom to bid the Queen a final farewell. Andolyn was not yet able to walk, so Kellan had carried the girl into the small graveyard where the beloved woman was buried. The group had left Andolyn and Anthony together to make necessary decisions about their immediate future. For now, the two of them would share a dual coronation and would rule the country as partners—brother and sister, king and queen.
That was the purpose for which the whole of Ardara had gathered today.
“Don’t be nervous,” Kellan’s voice was that of a gentle lover. “The people love you. You were meant for this.” Andolyn smiled and looked at her feet. The intricate silver lining of her dress adjusted to every move she made. “You’re a Kavanagh.”
The coronation would take place on a vast outdoor veranda where it would be visible to those inside the castle and out, overlooking the sea. When Kellan turned the corner and the new knights opened the doors, loud cheers came from everywhere. Andolyn blinked in the bright sunlight.
Under the large, vine covered canopy, along with many familiar faces including Roselyn, Andolyn saw her brother looking like the king he was in a blue and silver tunic and robe that matched her dress. Beside him, to the left, stood Barden, wearing the armor of the rank just below Kellan’s. Willand’s trinkets hung now at his waist with his broadsword as a constant reminder of the lives that were given to acquire the freedom they celebrated. Andolyn was proud to have him as a member of the Guard.
On Spade’s other side stood Alberich. The man wore robes of white with the crest of the Kavanaghs displayed proudly on his chest. Andolyn took her place on Alberich’s right, and Kellan took his place on her right.
Alberich stepped forward to address the mass of people on the lower level.
“Five decades ago, our homeland was taken from us,” boos and cries of anger came from the crowd in reply. Alberich held up his hand before continuing. “Three months ago, we found our rightful rulers,” again, the crowd roared, but this time with cheers. “Three weeks ago, we fought back, and today, we crown our true king and queen!!” The crowd was deafening.
Alberich stepped back between Andolyn and Anthony. He motioned to someone off to the side. Slowly, two people came forward; one was Ebony, and the other was Doctor Aaron Damien. Each of them held a midnight blue, velvet pillow. On Ebony’s, was the crown that the twins’ grandfather had worn as king, and on Damien’s was their grandmother’s tiara.
Anthony was the first to receive his crown. He knelt before Alberich while the scholar lifted the crown toward the people who cheered loudly. He then placed it gently on Spade’s head. The young king stood and lifted his arm, showing his half of the Kavanaghs’ crest.
Andolyn’s eyes filled with tears as Damien bowed to her. With all the respect in her heart, she curtsied back to the aged man before kissing his cheek. In the same fashion that he had used with Spade’s, Alberich lifted Andolyn’s tiara to the crowd before placing it on her bowed head. When she stood, the people’s joy erupted.
Hearing the reaction of the gathering, Spade’s mind raced back to the village where Andolyn was trusted with the children, to what they had thought to be her deathbed where she placed the kingdom over her own life, and finally to the mirror in his room at the inn.
In his mind, Spade saw his old, tattered sword from his days as Anthony Jenkins. He saw the cards and tricks of Spade, and the kingly sword and crown of Anthony Kavanagh. Three different men—three different paths, but all would remain a part of who he was forever. To him, he was Anthony Jenkins, with his fiery passion, but he was also Spade’s free spirit, and the royalty and leadership of Anthony Kavanagh. To marry the three meant that he couldn’t be tied to the duties of a king, but neither could he leave his dear sister with the weight of what they had recently accomplished.
Ardara was Andolyn’s love. The love of her people drove her every move and thought. The same could not be said for Spade. He loved his homeland, but not in the way she did. They deserved better. They deserved her. It was then that Spade knew what he had to do.
The twins came together and held their arms so that the crest was completed, then Spade astonished them all.
He stepped back and removed his crown. From his knees, he held the metal circle up to his sister. All those gathered to watch fell silent. With shaking hands, Andolyn took the crown from him.
“Andolyn,” he started, “This kingdom…it’s yours. The people rose up and fought…for you,” Andolyn opened her mouth to protest, but Spade stood and motioned to the girl waiting off to the side. Keelin came and Spade took her hand. “Andy, I love you, and I will always be here to support you however you need me…but ruling the kingdom…that’s all you, Sis. I can’t give the people what they need. I don’t have that kind of heart, but you most certainly do. You don’t need me. I had my time during the battle. Now? I’m meant for a simpler life,” he paused, looking at Keelin. “Ardara is yours, Andy. These people are yours.” He motioned out to the horde that began its lively cheering again.
Never had Andolyn been as proud of her brother as she was at that moment. Never had his desire been to hold the throne himself, but instead it had been to secure the freedom of his people. This was the true form of Anthony Kavanagh—great leader and free spirit. When there seemed to be no other option, he had been willing to sacrifice the life he loved for the good of Ardara. Now it was his turn to be freed.
Overwhelmed, Andolyn stood in awed silence as she looked out over the joyful people—her joyful people. Spade had found his purpose and now took pride in his name. For the first time, Andolyn too saw what God meant for her to be. She had come through much, but as Kellan had told her, her name was Andolyn Grace Kavanagh, Queen of Ardara, and that meant everything.
She threw her arms around Spade.
“I love you, brother,” she whispered.
“I know,” came the soft reply.
*****
Epilogue
The name of a person. In this story, the name was Kavanagh, but it was also Barden, Kellan, Ebony, Alberich, Roselyn, Gawain, and Damien…it was Grandma. It was finding what each person was meant to do and be. Some were made to rule, others to love and protect. Some were meant to bring laughter, others guidance and direction. With each name, comes a face—a smile, a voice, and a purpose.
Sometimes in life, our purpose changes drastically. Sometimes the shift is subtle to the point of being almost undetectable. For many people, it is these subtle changes that are the most defining moments in our lives.
Through the years, we make many discoveries about others and about ourselves. Perhaps the most important discovery we will make as humans is that of God’s purpose for our lives…and perhaps the most important decision we will make is the choice to pursue that purpose.
Here, the name was Kavanagh. What’s your name?
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Tikanni Corazon
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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That was a really awesome ending, Andi! Loved it from start to finish, and the epilogue is very inspiring. Very well done indeed! And a huge congratulations on finishing your first SG! Quite the feeling, isn't it?
I hope that if/when you write the sequel to this epic tale, we'll get hear more about the relationship between Spade and Keelin. I found my interest very much sparked when I read that part.
Congrats again, hun! You've done an extremely good job with this tale, and I can't wait to see what new things you'll come up with now that it's done!
*raises a glass and a cheer to the Mayoress*
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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Congratulations on your epic ending! Definitely one of my favourites!
Tika's suggestion is fascinating. Having sequel, or a spin-off, that centers on Spade's "simple life".
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 1:18 am Post subject: |
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THAT.WAS.EPIC!
Congratulations on finishing your SG, An! This is definitely my favorite in the city. I would suggest a sequel too, simply because the characters are so fascinating I really hope to see more of these characters.
Congratulations once again!
EDIT: I LOVE your sig!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:50 am Post subject: |
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| aww!! thank you, Vishal!! as you know, the characters are the most important part of this story to me, so i'm really glad you love them that much. =)
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 7:46 am Post subject: |
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wow! The last post here was in 2012! Haha!
Well, it's been a long two years, and MAN have they been busy!! Many of you readers are my friends on the lovely facebook, but some aren't, and I see some new faces around as I'm browsing. I just wanted to let everyone know that here in the next month, Line of Kavanagh is going to be hitting the shelves (and internet) near you as a real, published book!!
It's been a long road, and the story looks almost nothing like what you've read here. (It's much, MUCH improved!) I'm excited to see all the work come to fruition, and I can't wait to share it with you!
If you're on facebook and you'd like to follow the progress, be sure to like "Line of Kavanagh" and "M.N. Henschen" for the latest news and updates.
Much love, all!
Andolyn
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2014 5:16 pm Post subject: Congrats! |
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A real published book? Congratulations! That's exciting to hear a SG story has made it out of IF. I hope you find great success and that you're excitedly working on your next triumph!
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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Congratz Lyn-chan. I'll check my book store for the book next time I'm in there!
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