 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
 Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 1:24 pm Post subject: Welcome to Hell Chapter 2! |
 |
|
Welcome to Hell
Prologue
I can remember being born.
It’s not like most people imagine, really. No warm shell and then super-clear bright lights and doctor’s faces. Nothing like that at all. Most of all, you notice the noise. You know when you put your head on someone’s stomach? You can hear all those gurgling sounds. Now, imagine living inside that for nine months straight. By the end, your newly-developed ears have already tuned most of it out, because as fast of you’ve been developing , you’ve grown used to the noise. It’s only at meals- but wait. I’m getting away from the story. The story, yes… That’s why I’m really writing this, and why you’re really reading this. The story needs to be told.
Anyway, I’m starting with my birth because that’s where it all started. And not in a normal “If I hadn’t been born, ever lived, those things wouldn’t have happened” kind of way. Because it’s not like that for me at all. Because that’s my whole point.
I haven’t ever lived.
Hold up, hold up. I’m not making any sense here. Look, let me tell you a little about myself. My me self, not my other self. My name is Calew. I’m a fifteen year old girl. I have dark hair, dark eyes and deeply tanned skin. I know three types of martial arts and I’ve had to use them more than I care too. And I like fighting. Oh, two other things.
One, I’m possessed- if that’s the word-by a demon. Two, I live in Hell.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
Last edited by The White Blacksmith on Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:13 am; edited 4 times in total
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crossfire
Citizen
Joined: 07 Apr 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 479
Location: Somewhere between here and not-here, now and not-now... in the half-light, the borderlands, between.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 1:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well, that was short. Interesting, in a... sort of way, but short. Perhaps you could expand on it a little? Until then, I have little to criticise- that is to say, credit.  I suppose it doesn't absolutely need a Decision Point, being a Prologue/Introduction, but still... At the very least try to get it to 1,000 words. 
_________________
Thrash, dash and crash alike.
Silent eyes decide the wise and unwise - for one that lies. Let it arise.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
NeverNeverGirl
Honored Citizen
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Topics: 68
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 2:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
okay - good start so far, thats for sure!!
now lets flesh it out with a DP. and just because you live in hell doesnt mean you never lived... give me some details on what you mean?
never breathed the clen fresh air? never partied all night? never tasted the flesh of a mango??
you can do it..
_________________
~ ~
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 9:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
my self or me, myself.
great story proluege. Want to see more. (Seems people hate my stories and I have to come to them inorder to get a reply. or they could atleast help on the stories.) sorry went off topic about that. Nice your in hell know martail arts. (Oh oh like uppercut in a sg would be cool. 3 pints of blood a second would be spilled. cool huh.) sorry again. and she is a girl. how about you say like her story of her life is not normal to be told to humans that her tail of death was to be never have been born. hehe sorry this is your story just very interested in it.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 6:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
More will be explained in the first chapter, and that's being written (maybe) as you read this.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
You don't mind if I hop on the train of Hellgirl too, Smithy?
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
Sorry for double-posting, but I am itching to see the chapter.  How' it going, Smithy?
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 7:00 am Post subject: |
|
|
Argh! I completely forgot about this!
It's only about half done. However, if you want I will post what I have so far.
Sorry! I'll start working on it right away!
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
OK, here it is. A bit short, but all I could do.
Chapter One
Now I’ll start telling my story properly. I’m not really that good at writing, so it may jump from time to time. And my story isn’t over, not by a long shot. Right now- but anyway. I was born dead, but not all dead, so I can remember it. Everyone remembers their own death.
I was already… sharing my body. My parents had done something to deserve the wrath of someone-something deep down, possibly in Management or Security, so that… thing took revenge by hitting them in the bloodline. By sending a demon to inhabit their unborn first child.
Now, this is quite a common punishment. Demon goes in, child is born, child either dies (which is more common) or grows up a monster. As a matter of fact, I know a few people down here who were ‘demon children’ and grew up evil. Nero. Hitler. People like that. They’re quite nice really. Once you get over the whole split-personalities thing (which I also, by the way, have).
Anyway, what was uncommon about me was that I came down here. Because of that whole ‘innocence of babes’ thing, anyone who dies at birth goes to Heaven. Including demon children, who get exorcised before growing up carefree and happy in Heaven. But not me. No-one knows why, but I’ve had to grow up in the midst of… well, Hell. It’s been… educational, and I’ve got a good career, of sorts, mapped out.
I’ve worked guarding travelways for seven years. At the time this tale starts I’ve just left home to go work on the Pacific entrance travelway. I live in one of the better areas, mostly for people in Purgatory or who weren’t good at all, but didn’t do anything bad enough for the ‘eternal’ damnation. We work, all of us. Some bigwig decided, years ago, that Purgatory was a waste of space and they should work instead. Working- but again, I disgress.
So, I’ve left my room, right, and I have to walk the short distance to the Entrances. I had to pass a few of the Pits on my way. They thought it would be a good idea if everyone was reminded of the punishments awaiting them if they put a toenail clipping out of line, because we need reminding. The Pits shift around a bit, and on that particular day, they were mostly harmless. Liars and petty thieves. I ignored them, concentrating solely on the treacherous pathway to the Entrances.
That day, it was Jack helping me out. We have a lot of Jacks in the workforce at the moment. Many of then were part of a big gang a few centuries back. They called themselves the Rippers, and from what I’ve heard, they all came down here because their main claim to fame was a series of murders, commited by the bigwigs in the gang. Most of them were pretty innocent, and so only did about a century in one of the lesser Pits. Then they came up to Purgatory.
That day was a pretty slow day. No-one who came through had done anything major, though we kept the runners busy, because there had been a collision involving not a few deaths. However, near the end of the day we got a strange visitor. And I mean really strange, because he didn’t seem to be here for his sins. He looked like he was fully in control, which made me a bit miffed right away. Normally people need me to boss them around, which I am always happy to do. Anyway, here’s the conversation as best I can recall.
“Door-person, I require immediate access to the highest ranking demon around”
When he said this, he was already looking down his overly-long nose at me. His voice was the sort that puts you in mind of someone eating lemons, if anyone would be that stupid.
“Door person, now.”
I blinked. I’d been so busy imagining what someone would eat to have a voice like that that I’d completely forgotten my job. I frowned. A person like him couldn’t be let through, no matter how important he thought he was.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. I need your name and business”
That wasn’t what I told people normally. Most of the time I told people the punishment for lying and then asked them their sins. But I got the sense that he wouldn’t tell me.
“My name is none of your concern. My business I have told you, though perhaps you need it further clarified.”
Here he pulled out a sheet of paper. I looked at it for a few seconds, then silently handed it to Jack. I couldn’t read. I dunno if he could, but it was always worth a chance.
He handed it back to me. Chance gone. I decided to bluff, see if I could get him to tell me what was written there.
“I’m, uh, afraid that I cannot do that.” My poshest voice, my strongest voice, but I could tell that he could tell, couldn’t he? He was looking down on me with amusement, even scorn. I hated that look.
“Look, the fact is that I can’t read. Got a problem with that? And anyway, if you really did want to speak to one of the bigwigs you wouldn’t be having around here talking to me, would you?” You posh git. He was getting angry now too, I could see that.
“Door-person.”
“Got a name.”
“Door-person. I have asked you to lead me to your immediate superior, or at least tell me where he is if you think your insignificant little job more important than my business. You have not done so. I am getting rather angry with you. Now, do as I say or there will be consequences!” His granite eyes were flashing now, promising that here was a man who kept to his pledges.
Jack turned to face me, his simple face worried.
“You’d better do as he says, girlie, ‘cause I don’t like the shape of his words.”
I scowled. I felt fairly sure I shouldn’t let him through into Hell, but what else could I do? If I kept refusing him access he would surely blast me where I stood - he had the stance and the eyes to do so – and if I fought him I couldn’t win, unless I got a lot of help or a sudden promotion. What should I do?
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 4:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
That's a very nice storytelling style there, Smithy. Nice work!  As for the DP, I think she should follow him around. Let him in, but keep an eye on him.
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mephistopheles
Respected Citizen
Joined: 24 May 2007
Topics: 16
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 12:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I say lead him along, and then attempt to eavesdrop. see what you can learn from the demon, maybe see just how close to getting fried you got.
along the way, play nice and make up to him a bit, explain that you were just trying to do your job, you know, stuff like that. maybe there is a promotion in there somewhere.
good story whitey, keep 'er coming.
_________________
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Jack_D.Mented
Respected Citizen
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
Topics: 9
Posts: 958
Location: Hiding out in the woods of Washington
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
I F5 the escort idea. Take him where he needs to go, but don't let him out of your sight.
And an excellent story, Whitey.
_________________
Eadgar's Saga Chapter 2 POLL
Abattoir Chapter 2!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:37 am Post subject: |
|
|
Any more suggestions? If not, I'll get the poll up soon.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
I would also say follow him.
Good start there, Whitey. I can't remember the last time I read anything by you? Don't worry about the chapter length, that was just right!
In your next one, try to get some ideas across on what the scenes look like. *waits for poll*
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
The last time you read anything by me? Dunno if you were even around back then!
Anyway, poll is up. Cuddle the puppy of voting!
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: |
|
|
I don't even think you had ever written anything before, Whitey. 
I (Really, really, really, really, really) hate to admit it, but this is good. The setting and the casual twisting of christian religion without seriously offending someone reminds me of a book by Eoin Colfer. I won't say the title, because I've forgotten it.
Anyways, I voted for eavsedropping. Hopefully this turns out to be a good story, cuz it might give me motivation to catch up on those I'm behind on.
Have (Lots and lots and lots and lots) of misery, pain, suffering, and depression writing this!
On a completely unrelated note, Whitey, you are supposed to put something strange, or evil in the "something or rather the thingymaboby of voting" thing. Cute things like "Cuddle the puppy of voting" just doesn't fit.
Your story is set in hell (for now). Do a hell-based pun, like, "Cuddle the hellhound of voting"  .
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 3:47 am Post subject: |
|
|
That can be next time, ok?
So, eavesdropping is winning by a huge percentage. I'll get started on the next chapter, though the poll won't close till the 21st.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
Chapter Two
I stepped back, allowing my usually calm features to melt into what I hoped was a placating smile.
“Of course, my lord.”
Pig-features stepped back at this, and I laughed in my mind. Clearly he’d not been expecting me to agree. Jack too was looking surprised, though more cautious than the idiotic man in front of us. He knew only too well what I did when someone annoyed me, whether or not they were superior to me.
“Right this way, sir.”
With this I turned, trotting away from the yawning cave-mouths that formed the Entrances with all the ease that comes from having spent all my not-life in the same place. Pig-Features (Pf, that’s what we’ll call him) PF had to hurry to keep up, especially once we started to get near Pandemonium.
Pandemonium, as I’m sure you know (if not, what’re you doing here? Go kill a pig or something.), is the only city in Hell and, thus the only city I’d ever seen. It was (and still is, in all fairness) a great, stinking, busy hulk of a place. I used to say it was like cheap, low-level sinners who’s made a bit of a name for themselves and thought they were all that until they came down here. It dominates the horizon in Hell (quite literally – you see it everywhere, in the distance. Quite a shock to newbies.) and anyone who goes in there regularly thinks they’re so much better than the rest of us. Mind, they’ve got reason to think so. Demons only in Pandemonium, and since it’s always in the same spot on the horizon, the same difference away no matter how close you are or where you’re looking, you need to know the way.
Anyway, by now we were scampering happily (well, I was. It’s not everyday I get an excuse to go in! PF was walking along behind me, not at all happy with the fact that no admins would ever live near the Entranceways.) through the suburbs. Imagine the scene. There’s me, always five metres in front with a huge grin splitting my face. Behind me is PF, face like thunder, desperately trying to keep his suit neatly pressed and dirt-free. Remember that these aren’t what people say Above suburbs are like. They’re almost like the city for people, but not. Most of the buildings here are long, low sheds, with ‘roads’ squeezed in between. Because all it really is is a mess of alleys, the suburbs are a nightmare. The buildings just have little rooms inside, for people on the fast track to Heaven to suffer their own private Hells in. They don’t really come outside much, so all there is is alleys between buildings. Cobbled alleys mind. The better the streets are, the closer to the centre you are. Rule of thumb. Or claw.
Whatever.
So, by the time we were almost at the entrance-booths PF was tiring fast. As I stopped to check for traps he panted in my ear. Disgusting.
“Do you know…”
Thankfully, he couldn’t see my face, or he would see how annoyed I was at being treated as an obliging servant. I’m not obliging by nature, as I’m sure you’ve guess. I had an argument with myself in my wind, about whether to reach back and pull his eyes out or listen to what he wanted to know if I knew. Stupid phrase that. Really, really stupid phrase. Anyway…
“Do you know, when I was last here these didn’t exist? There was just one long road…”
I gritted my teeth and replied as civilly as I could manage.
“Was it really? How interesting.”
Unfortunately, I can’t do ‘civillity’ all that well.
“Now, if you would just shut up maybe you’ll still be in one piece when we get to whoever you wanted to see.”
He stepped back as if stung, and instantly his mask of a good-humoured toff was gone. I cursed my runaway mouth. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him.
“Now, I presume that this alley is reasonably close to wherever you are taking me. If there is much further to go, I will be very, very angry. Understand? Now, you will lead me to the office of the highest (or indeed, lowest, if that’s the way you idiots class things around here) person you have access to. And you will not speak to me, and you will not even cough if I do not tell you to. Understand?”
I leant back from PF’s wild, angry eyes. Honestly, he looked quite funny, but as I am ever-so-tactical I decided not to mention that. Instead, I banked on the fact that in the next street was the row of checkbooths that made sure no humans got through to Pandemonium. Once in Pandemonium, It would be that much easier to put up with him.
“Whatever.”
I turned and ran, and laughed as he ran after me, yelling oaths. I skidded round the corner, ran up to the booths and then leant there, casually, as he skidded round the corner, posh blazer whirling around him, realised that we were now in a much larger street, stood up straighter, tried to sort out his hair and suit, and stalked up to me. All in a few seconds. Amazing, these tourists.
“Ahem. I presume this is where the managers of this awful place live. Thank you. I’m sure these men will take it from here.”
He smiled at the men in the booths. I noticed that the nearest one was actually another Jack, and he was staring suspiciously at PF. They have ways of communicating, do the Jacks.
Jack spoke, clearly taking as much satisfaction from taunting PF as I took from watching him being taunted.
“I’m afraid we can’t leave out posts, sir.”
“What?”
“We can’t leave our posts. We’d get punished if we did. Anyway, we’re not demons. Only demons, or those accompanied by demons, are allowed into Pandemonium. Calew here can. I’m sure she’ll be delighted to. Sir.”
I stood up straight as PF turned to me. This is going to be FUN! I thought to myself.
“But… I thought… You just said only demons can go in! Surely this… thing isn’t a demon. They’re meant to be powerful, for a start!”
I frowned. So, he wasn’t being very polite to me. Another strike against me liking him.
“Fine. Watch.”
I stepped through the gateway, accompanied by a flash and a puff of smoke. A bit in-your-face, but this particular Jack was just like that. As I turned to PF, he scowled, clearly much angrier than I’d though he’d be. I sensed that now was not the time for annoying him.
“Well?”
“I accept that you may be something more powerful than I at first assumed you to be.”
Blimmin’ right an all! You’re not allowed to go round Pandemonium looking human. So, I was looking decidedly different from my normal form. For one thing, my hands had extended into long, clawed weapons. No opposable thumbs, which detracts from the fun somewhat. Small, tough, leathery wings had sprouted from my back. They actually work, something which confuses a lot of other demons. Working wings aren’t rare, just that mine are… a bit smaller. Especially since I now look like I’m made of stone. Not any particular type of stone, lust… stone. Dark and jagged. I could’ve had a few more demony bits on me – horns, a tail, 10ft tall – but I couldn’t be bothered. They tend to look tacky on the other part-time demons, so I don’t have them.
“Good for you. Coming?”
“…Yes.”
I extended one of my claws to hook through his blazer and lift him through the gateway. Nothing happened to him, sadly. I guess you really can through if you’re in contact with a demon. Shame. At least I’d ruined his suit. Yay!
I ignored his spluttered anger, instead trying to think who to bring him to. I smiled as I settled on the perfect person to show him too.
“Come on, this way.”
He had no choice but to follow me – I still had my claws hooked into his jacket. However, being him, he managed to express his displeasure in other, less quiet and more annoying ways. Namely yelling at me.
“I swear, you will get demoted to the lowest type of worm once I’m finished! You just be glad...”
The rest of his words were drowned, because I’d stepped inside the building of, as instructed, the highest demon I was allowed to go to. The manager of Entranceways.
So, it wasn’t exactly the sort of person he needed to see. So what?
The office wasn’t luxurious, as the offices I’d seen go. It had a wooden desk, with an office chair in dark green behind it. The walls were plainly panted in the same green, with wooden panelling covering the wall behind me and the one behind the desk. In one corner was a bookshelf, with popular titles like ‘Torture: advanced techniques’ and ‘Making bloodstains work for you’ sitting, dog-eared and slightly greasy. The door I’d just entered by was solid metal, though painted in brown to look like a door. A rack on one wall held weapons, handles worn from use. The floor was brown-red, that colour, I assume, to cover up bloodstains, not from bloodstains.
The manager of Entranceways (No-one ever learnt his name, though he knows all ours. We all just called him ‘sir’, even though as managers go he’s a pretty friendly one.) looked up from his paperwork as we entered, me still dragging PF behind me.
“Ah, Calew. Is there a problem?”
“Not as such, sir.”
“Then who is this? And why are you ruining his clothing?”
I hastily unhooked my claws. Sir didn’t mind the Entranceway staff being rough and cruel (Actually, he encouraged it) but he hated being seen letting them do it. Weird, I know.
“Sorry sir. He wanted to come and see a higher-up, so I brought him to you.”
Sir immedietly retuned to his paperwork.
“Not my business. Sorry.”
“What..? I though that when –“
“ What?”
I groaned, inwardly. PF was angry again. Really getting tiring, this angry-nice-angry-nice thing.
“ You’re telling me that I had to follow this… person! around just so she could show me someone who can’t help me?”
Sir looked up again. He looked a mite annoyed too. Going by the reactions of everyone who’d met him so far, it seems PF isn’t really someone who many people like.
“I didn’t say that. For your information, Calew is one of the best in her line of work.”
I smiled. Yes, my work takes nothing more than sneering at the recently-dead, ordering runners about* and occasionally beating up annoying people, but I like recognition. Sue me.
“And I can help you. I can send you along the line to someone whose business it most definitely is, but I may not be inclined to do so if you continue in this vein. Understand?”
PF was taken aback. Sir never seems the sort to snarl until you get on the wrong side of him.
“Well…”
“ Understand?”
“Yes, I understand. Now, how precisely am I to be send ‘Down the line’?”
Sir pressed a button on his desk and immedietly a tall, many-limbed woman appeared in the doorway. I stared. I’d never seen her before, which is a feat considering I meet most people coming into Hell sooner or later. Sooner.
“Susk. Take this man to see X.”
The woman nodded, and reached one of her arms out to grab PF through the hole I’d so neatly created. I can help after all.
“Calew.”
I looked back at the desk.
“I am going to give you the day off. I will get someone else to take your post for now. You’ve put up with enough from that fellow, so go out and do what you want. You are dismissed.”
I blinked. My plan to eavesdrop hadn’t worked, admittedly, but here was my boss telling me to go and explore somewhere I only ever came about once every year. I muttered something about thanks, then turned and ran out of the building.
When I reached the street, I looked around and realised I had no idea where to go. The few other demons out at this time of day all seemed to have somewhere to go. At one end of the street I could see PF being dragged away by Susk. At the other was a main road, slightly busier, but still with no customers in the shops and noone with enough free time to decapitate the few animals that strolled around. There were, of course, an infinite variety of alleys to go into, but I needed to decided on one way to go, instead of randomly peering into alleys. That was how to get myself killed.
So, where to go?
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mattheus
Resident
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Topics: 1
Posts: 51
Location: Sydney, Australia
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
Follow PF & Susk. Not too closely of course but close enough that she can find out who he is and why he is there.
Good story so far.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 10:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
I agree with Matty here, she should follow those two. Ultimately, it shouldn't be so hard. She is, after all, a demon, and she surely has some special traits she could use in her... stalking?
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.
Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Mephistopheles
Respected Citizen
Joined: 24 May 2007
Topics: 16
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 11:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Fun to read chappy Whitey! as for where she goes? isn't there maybe a shop that sells something that she desires? will think about this and try to get back to you on it.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Kirranna
Resident
Joined: 01 Jan 2008
Topics: 2
Posts: 81
Location: California
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I f5 with Mattheus, Stalk them but not too closely.
_________________
Myths: The Ancients' Soap-Operas ;D
  
.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:48 am Post subject: |
|
|
Seems like the alleyways are the riskiest option, but other than those three, I cant think of anything else!
An entertaining chapter, there! Spotted a few grammatical errors, of the kind a spell/grammar checker won't pick up - I'm sure you'll find and fix them with another proofread.
The scene descriptions were very good. Particularly liked the idea of Pandemonium dominating the horizon in every direction!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
DELETED
Guest
Items
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| DELETED
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:14 am Post subject: |
|
|
Poll is up! Step on the good intention of voting!
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Chinaren
Hallowed IFian
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Topics: 340
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Caught up and voted and tied it!
Still some errors Whitey, watch your puncuation for example, especialy after brackets, but a light and fun read.
_________________
Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Head Eater
Resident
Joined: 20 May 2007
Topics: 1
Posts: 62
Location: Hovering above your sssssskull
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thhissss SSTorygame hassss been deemed worthy!
Ensssssure it remainssss ssssooooooo.
yourssss in headynessssssss
Headsssssss
_________________
Heads.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The Meaning Of Fear
Respected Citizen
Joined: 06 May 2006
Topics: 13
Posts: 980
Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
You can still die after you're dead? What happens next? Do you get sent back to Earth? Or will your soul be destroyed and doomed to never be able to do anything (since it's destroyed)?
And what's with the good manners? TO HELL (or heaven) WITH GOOD MANNERS! "Thanks"? I expect more from a demon. Even a part-time one.
Pfff. If the conditions in the entranceways are really this bad (or "good" considering the situation), I might have to send a letter to old G. Bush (He's Satan in barely human form)
Otherwise this is a great (Oh man... I am SO not saying this... NOOOOO) story. Can pig face turn out to be some stereotyped rude posh person I.E lawyer (Haha... I'll bet hell is covered in lawyers... probably internet technicians too.) or something like that?
And I have a problem with your poll messages. How the <BLEEP> is stalking someone a good intention? And what happened to the hellhounds???
_________________
Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
The White Blacksmith
Elder
Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Topics: 15
Posts: 2629
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ever heard the saying 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions'? No? Well, then go find a thesaurus or something.
_________________
Tea Cures All.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
ashkent
Citizen
Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Topics: 18
Posts: 114
Location: Conversing with the Backside
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 1:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Ok, I just found this one, and have had a read through the chapters...and missed the poll.
But I would have voted for the bar anyway. I like the style of writing, very easy to read and follow. there is something intriguing about where this could go...I'm trying to work out what it is though. Hmm, maybe just the soft spot in my heart for Hell, and demons, and possessions, and my love of dark, tanned fifteen year old g- actually, never mind that last one.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
_________________
 
Grim Reaping
Follow Grim's travels on Twitter -
A Christmas Carol Retold – Available now.
Become a fan of the author and keep up to date with the blog at 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Author |
Message |
Black Hawk
Citizen
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Topics: 6
Posts: 242
Location: On board my ship/ At the Inn
Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems
|
| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wow at first I didn't think a comedy story about Catholicism would ve very good but it seems I was wrong
_________________
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
-Will Rodgers
Michael Crichton one of the greatest writers of his time 1942-2008 rest in peace
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
