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Muaddib
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 Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 7:38 am Post subject: Heist |
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“I swear upon God almighty that when the police capture you, I shall have them destroy you utterly. I will kill all your family, your loved ones and erase all evidence of your existence. I will break your will to live. I swear this.” Two shots rang out, magnified by the emptiness of the large, ornate hall.
Benjamin Achebe was the tall, thin African man who lay on the floor near the stairwell. By chance or perhaps not, he ended up looking directly into the face of the fallen, dying old man who had collapsed on the north side of the marbled white floor.
It was a face marked by shock and intense pain. The dying man’s forehead and eyes were strained in an effort to contain the physical agony he was experiencing, while his mouth was ajar-perhaps out of shock or maybe in an effort to inhale more air. Just half an hour ago, the owner of the bank, had taken a round of the floor greeting customers, asking after employees and thus silently enforcing his presence on the day’s proceedings. And everyone had been awed by his presence; it was hard not to be. He was a remnant of a bygone era of suave, charming, confident, articulate businessmen. He was always dressed impeccably, today in a black pinstripe suit made by a clothing company which had “exclusived” itself out of existence in 1940. Around his neck was his trademark rich maroon ascot. His wispy white hair, usually plastered in place was flying about more and more wildly with every sickening death throe.
Benjamin remembered grimly that he had talked to Sir Gideon Hagent, owner of the Hagent Worldwide Commerce chain, only fifteen minutes prior to the shooting. Hagent’s eyes caught Benjamin’s and they widened in surprise. They closed momentarily as a jarring spasm hit his failing body. Once his eyes were open again he found Benjamin once more. He made a tremendous effort to mouth something to Achebe but couldn't. The visibly popping veins in Hagent’s neck made it clear that he was seconds from death. Hagent made one last effort to say something but his eyes rolled into his head. He stopped shaking and his head slumped to side, clearly dead.
The assailant, a stocky man dressed completely in a navy blue outfit with a ski mask hiding his face, walked up to the corpse and viciously kicked it so that Hagent lay facing the ceiling. The man squatted next to the dead bank owner’s face and put his gloved hand on the corpse’s chest. One of the assailant’s accomplices appeared on the mezzanine overlooking the main floor. He was dressed almost identically to the assailant (who as far as Benjamin could tell, was the leader of the gang). “Is he dead?” yelled the accomplice.
“Yes definitely,” the boss shouted back, “soiled himself too." There was unconcealed contempt in his voice, or was it something else? At hearing this, the accomplice on the mezzanine did not whoop or exult but strangely took out a locket from under his t-shirt and kissed it three times, muttering something under his breath. ‘BANG’ ‘BANG’ two shots rang out. The hostages screamed in unison. Benjamin’s attention swung back to the boss who had fired the gun into the ceiling. He looked around at the prostrate hostages and for the first time addressed them.
“I’m sure all of you fine people realize what the situation is,” said the boss, his voice deep but slightly muffled by his mask. “We are bank robbers, this is a bank and all of you are the requisite hostages in this heist.” Benjamin mused that the boss’ voice sounded intellectual even sophisticated. His attention was drawn back to the enigmatic robber, when the boss’ monologue continued.
“If all goes to plan, we shall have our money…or rather your money, within a few hours. If none of you tries to be a hero today, then you can all get out of this unscathed physically but with minor metal trauma. On the other hand if one or perhaps many of you think that my colleagues and I are pushovers then I assure you, you will be shot dead without warning. I hope you trust me on that particular point,” said the boss pointing at the corpse next to him. “My accomplices will now round you all up and show you into a single room, the local branch manager’s waiting room on the second floor. Please do cooperate.”
Six of the boss’ accomplices came around and started gathering people together, forcing them to get up and move up the stairs. Benjamin got up as well, trying to fall into the middle of the moving hostage group; he didn’t want to be noticeable to the robbers. However, his fear was realized when the boss suddenly pointed directly at him and barked, “You! The African man in the brown suit! Step out of line immediately.”
Benjamin panicked and tried to move deeper into the muddle, but one of the robbers rushed towards him. “Stop! You, stop!” roared the armed thug. He reached Benjamin and cuffed his on the back of the head. Benjamin yelped and pleaded for help as he was dragged by the neck out of the line. Several of the women screamed and the hostage group stop. Seeing this, another gang member yelled, “Keep moving! Move! Or I’ll start shooting!”
Benjamin was now crying pathetically and pleading with his captor to let him go, screaming his innocence. He was unceremoniously dumped at the feet of the boss, right next to the corpse. The dead man’s body smelt of death and defecation. Benjamin continued to whimper.
“Take him to Hagent’s room and kill him,” said the boss loudly. He then turned to the hostage group and shouted, “Let his death be another assurance to all of you that we are very serious!”
Benjamin screamed over and over again as he was dragged back to the red-carpeted dead bank owner’s room. Two accomplices followed him and his captor into the room and shut the big teak doors behind them.
The hostages screamed, cried and prayed for the African man’s soul and their own, when a few minutes later they heard three shots.
Inside the room, the three accomplices took of their masks and helped Benjamin to his feet. The young Filipino man and the man from Pennsylvania were both teary-eyed. But it was the Albanian woman who showed the most emotion. She was crying profusely as she reached over and hugged Benjamin. “There, there,” said Benjamin patting her back. “We’ve taken the first step, nothing can stop us now.”
The police hasn't caught onto the heist yet. But eventually they will. The group needs time as well as protection from the police. How should the prepare the bank premises for the eventual siege. It would also be prudent to prepare an escape plan now rather than later.
Last edited by Muaddib on Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:46 am; edited 2 times in total
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Masterweaver
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 8:27 am Post subject: |
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Bribe the robbers! Invite them to chess! Open all possible windows! Join the robbers!
Honestly, I am most stunned at this lovely piece of prose.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 11:15 am Post subject: |
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Wow that's a great start! It will take me a while to think of something, will get back to this with a suggestion later. 
Cheers,
CF
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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Muaddib! I thought you were... dead... So many of the old guard are dead or dying... *sighs* ethereal_fauna... Smee hasn't posted in two to three months... The Powers That Be... Soily... and, of course, the miscellaneous 'collateral damage citizens'. :P Anyway, it's great to see you here and I only wish that I wasn't so inattentive as to miss so many of your posts. :)
I'll need a moment, but I'll look over your chapter soon in greater detail. Still, from what I can see it is nicely intense. The second paragraph might do with a split down the middle, as it is almost twice the size of the regular ones and that makes it just a little bit harder to read.
There are a couple of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in the text, but I'm sure you'll pick them up with a re-read. I'm far too lazy to do so for you, y'know. ;)
What I suggest for a first thing is that they look around the bank, see where everything is. Frankly, I'm surprised that they haven't done so already, they musn't be very prepared. Do they actually want to get out of there alive?
If for some reason the police do get there before they exit the bank, which really should be their top priority considering the disproportionate amount of resources at the police's disposal, board up the exits from the building bar one secondary exit in a windowless room, move the hostages to that exit as well as themselves and sit tight, sending scouts out periodically.
These scouts will attempt to find a break in the line of defence, somewhere where they can escape from the bank with the money and get to a safe house. Possibly at the beginning of the siege the police line will be stretched a little thin, and if they can get into the car, then they're set. Bring one hostage with them, and go out guns blazing.
If they can evade the police for just a little while, their charismatic boss can call in a couple of favors, bring in some covering fire, then they can lose themselves behind it. Take a few turns, double back a couple of times, then you're set. Lay low, don't spend the money all at once, just live and survive. Wait until something interesting happens, maybe move on to the next phase of the boss's plan... Great start.
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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Yay! MUaddib returns to the writing fold.
Cross and Z have beaten me to pretty much everything I was going to say, so I'm merely left with... f5. 
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Mastermind
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Apart from what Zephyr and Crossfire mentioned, send some men to search for some sewage tunnel entrance (or something) that can be used as an escape route.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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Well in answer to some of the questions: it's not so much that the robber's aren't prepared, it's more about them having a plan and the readers deciding what exactly that plan is.
I'll also edit my grammatical errors. Thanks for the comments everyone
And Edited.
P.S.: What's F5? I've always wondered but never asked.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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F5 is I agree with.
I'm a bit confused, but still a good read.
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Crossfire
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| Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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See the IF Wiki for more information. I am hoping for a new chapter soon, this is an interesting StoryGame. Keep on writing!
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:08 pm Post subject: |
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I thought about it, and it seems to me that there is no real decision here. People's suggestions for escape and avoiding the police don't have to be mutually exclusive. So instead of having a poll, I'll just assume that the escape plan is a combination of people's ideas:
The robbers board up the bank, put explosives etc. at sensitive points,search for an escape tunnel, with the backup plan being that they dash out with all guns blazing.
How does that sound? Does anyone have an objection?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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yes, i want to see them bust out a portal device that will throw them to a new location. Where it is they don't know, what situation they find themselves in is random, they simply take advantage of wherever they land - this time it was a bank.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:51 am Post subject: |
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| Ummm I was hoping to stay within a more realistic, grim sort of a setting.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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grim... hmm that kinda sux... but i have a idea...
they have someone on the inside - the negotiator, or a cop, or someone, is really corrupt and working for them.... tus providing them with the plot device they need to swing it in their favour... 
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:20 am Post subject: |
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| How about the robbers try to coerce a police officer? I'd like to keep decision point options as reactions of the characters in the story to events rather than have the readers decide the plot.
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| Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:11 am Post subject: utta! |
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| Crunchyfrog wrote: | Wow that's a great start! It will take me a while to think of something, will get back to this with a suggestion later.
Cheers,
CF |
Same thoughts here.
Although for a quick response throw in some SFOD forces FEAR style except with a twist 
But yes... it's good. P.S. *Where's Albania???*
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Albania is a country in the Balkan region ( South Eastern Europe).
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorry for the wait, this isn't dead. I have college issues going on. I'll have the next chapter up soon.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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I also like the idea of their being an *inside man* working with the police. I LOVE that Benjamin is part of the gang of robbers! I'm very curious about what the old man was trying to tell, and also about the locket part. Very mysterious.
What if the whole bank robbery is a front for something else? Something the old bank manager was hiding? Some sort of secret, or treasure, or whatever that obviously has an emotional connection to the locket holding character?
If they have truly researched things well, possibly they have blackmailable info or some other hold on the other captives in the bank, and may be able to use that to coerce them into posing as the bank robbers, therby allowing the ACTUAL robbers to work on their quest while the captive themselves keep the police forces at bay?
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 8:49 am Post subject: |
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| Hmmm... wow, this was a long time ago.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:32 am Post subject: |
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Muddy! You're still* alive! Nice to see you around old red.
*Obviously my minions failed in their mission.
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| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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Muaddib! Welcome back to If! You survived college and a Pennsylvania winter - unscathed, I hope?
Maybe you can find some time this summer to continue this. It's still a good start, even after all these months.
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Muaddib
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| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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The thing is, I've forgotten the basic premise of the story 
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Mother Goose
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:48 am Post subject: |
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| Well, we won't object if you want to write a new one.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:20 am Post subject: |
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I just clicked Bob three times in a row, hiding at the bottom of this thread. I think it must be a sign. Muaddib must write a new Heist story, and it will put Reservoir Dogs to shame. 
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| Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:47 am Post subject: |
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Hagent's office was more luxurious than most millionaire apartments. The carpet was soft, furry light brown in color; looking at it one might even believe that a thousand minks had been slaughtered to cover the vast floor of this room. And Benjamin Achebe wouldn't have put it past Gideon Hagent to have done exactly that. Large Renaissance-esque paintings depicting perfectly shaped heroes saving perfectly shaped damsels were hung on every large wall of the room. A fireplace built into a hearth of pure white marble occupied the space directly in front of Hagent's grand mahogany desk.
Achebe had taken of his brown blazer and black tie and had loosened his collar. There was work to be done and his group now had very little time to accomplish all that they had planned. His three comrades were spread out over the room inspecting every aspect of the walls. Any scratch, any corner any odd bump in the landscape of the velvet painted walls might hold countless secrets.
Meanwhile, Achebe had taken out a walky-talky from the inside pocket of his discarded blazer and after a moment of tweaking it he had tuned it to the secure frequency on which he could communicate with his three friends still on the main bank floor.
"Panda, panda can you hear me?" he said, holding the instrument close to his mouth. A few chirrups later he got a response.
"Very clearly Warthog. How's the situation in Tartarus?"
"We've just started looking for Persephone. I think it's time we started preparing for the escape," replied Benjamin." Put the apples at all the locations we discussed but switch tree G for the small hatch in the ventilation on the second floor."
"Okay Warthog, will do. I'll get back to you when it's done. Out."
Benjamin put the walky-talky down on Hagent's rich desk and then as an afterthought walked over to the other side of the desk. He let his hand sweep over the smooth, polished surface of the mahogany table. Finding nothing untoward in the material, he felt the bitterness of hopes dashed once again.
He sat himself down on the seemingly 19th century French, ornately designed chair behind the desk. Sitting, as he imagined Hagent did every day, he gazed around at the roughly hexagonal office hoping to spot that one nook which would make all their plans fruitful.
Then the walky-talky buzzed and the scratchy voice of Chiang Tsung, his number two filtered through.
"All finished warthog. Any breakthrough with Persephone?"
"No Panda, none yet. We're keeping at it though," replied Benjamin and then glanced at his watch.” It’s almost eleven Panda. I think it's time that you started boarding up the underworld. The Cyclopes patrol will pass by in an hour."
"Understood, Warthog. Out."
The bombs that Chiang, Sanjeev and Alma had placed around the bank were homemade. It had been a surprisingly difficult task to obtain the list of ingredients and instructions for these bombs. With the FBI's crackdown on terrorist activities on the internet, it was not so simple as to just Google everything. It had taken two months of search before they were able to find a proxy site which they could tweak and then use to access a flagged site with instructions for bomb-making.
The bombs themselves were not deadly. They were essentially nail bombs but with the addition of an acrid easily available industrial gas that would make persons near the bomb tear up. Also, the nails inside the bomb were blunted. They had all agreed unanimously that they would only take one life that day.
Half an hour went by with no result. The four people in Hagent's office were still unable to find 'Persephone.' Benjamin could tell that his friends were teetering on the edge of panic. They were well past the time that he had allotted for the search of 'Persephone.' But there was not much he could do. Their entire plans hinged on being able to find Persephone. He noticed that his accomplices were beginning to glance at each other now and then. Finally, timid Bora mustered up the courage to approach Benjamin. He already knew what she was going to say, which only enhanced the dreadful feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.
"Benjy,"she said in almost a whisper," we've looked thoroughly but we can't find it..."
"I know,” he replied after a while.
The whole reason for the heist was Persephone. None of them were willing to leave without it, but they were also cutting it very, very fine. The point of no return was not more than twenty minutes away. After that, any escape would be a divine miracle.
Benjamin was brought out of his reverie by Bob, the gentle Scrantonian giant," We could set off a bomb in this room. That would reveal something."
Achebe considered the proposal. Blowing the office up with even a minor charge would cause a commotion outside the bank. Then the cops would be upon them almost instantly, throwing headfirst across the point of no return. But, it would also immediately reveal Persephone.
For the first time, a bead of sweat wound its way down Achebe's face.
Do they (1) set the bomb in the room and risk early contact with the police or (2) continue with their search and hope to find Persephone before time runs out?
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:54 am Post subject: |
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| My head says 2 but my heart says 1. Reason being, I loved the action in the first chapter, and really want to see some more from you! Plant the bomb!
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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Thisss ssstorygame isss acceptable to me.
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Heads.
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Muaddib
Comrade
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Topics: 30
Posts: 1765
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| Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 10:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Poll will go up soon. Any last comments?
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tayfinch
Resident
Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Topics: 1
Posts: 52
Location: "Amyeerika"
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| Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:53 am Post subject: |
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To this point they've been incredibly careful, it would seem like throwing their plan to the wind to dentonate a bomb right away. They still have a little time to find another way.
I'm not sure if this is dead or not. It might be. The main reason I jumped right to it was to see the name Muaddib. I was involved in the site a while ago, but went to Russia for a long trip (still here, actually) and my old account was deleted. In any case, I used to know you and thought really highly of you. Glad to see your name again. : )
But! If this thing is ever brought back to life, I send my vibes out there: don't do it! Still more time! Wait! There is another way!
Maybe setting up a few false leads that could distract the police (maybe involving the vault? Maybe one of the crew is suicidal anyway and will lure the police away while the rest either blend with the crowd or something.
Scary story though.
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