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DeadManWalking
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 Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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first vote on ALL THREE
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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I can't believe it took me so long to find this! It's really good, Rai. Rare to see you write something so deadly serious as this, but it fits your style.
I missed the DP, but luckily, I caught the poll.
Hopefully "Non-lethal blows" includes crushing their manhoods. Those men REALLY piss me off. And it won't do the world any favors if they had children who turned out to be just as screwed up as they are.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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| Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 2:10 am Post subject: |
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| I can't understand someone keeps on deleting my posts... Anyway I voted.
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Fighterjock
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| Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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Ehh, so he's a little off his 'A' game--removing the Fearstone is an unknown quantity with possible detriment, and flashy magics get rumors started--not the ideal thing for a man on the run trying to keep a low profile.
He beats up some rednecks--even if the story DOES get out out, everyone will think the men are just trying to make excuses for having their butts whipped and won't believe them.
Unless he wants to kiss them and make them forget? But I don't care to read that chapter.... *grin*
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tayfinch
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| Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| Can't get distracted! Not now! Disarm (er... maybe just dissword) them, and move on. It's unlikely they will follow far.
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Gallant
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| Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:21 am Post subject: |
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Hey Rai, last time I was got into one of your stories was back in the Galleons days. I seemed to be of indisposed near the end of it. What actually happened to anyway?
Sorry for rambling, I love this new story you have here. I wish I could of voted but I'm afraid I would of caused a tie. 
Hope to see more soon.
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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Heya Gallant. Galleons is still around, it's over here in skiffy now. And I'm sorry Lils, was moving, had an accident, and havn't been on the comp for a bit.
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I figured you've waited long enough. Here's your next installment. Enjoy!
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Chapter Five: A Roadside Conflict
Anramun's stance never wavered, his staff held tightly in both hands, the end firmly planted into the ground as he watched all four bandits at the same time. He watched the beads of sweat roll down the fat man, Habith's, face, watch the two brothers shift and fidgit. Watched Nayl, the youth doing the same to Anramun, simply watching.
A twich, one of the brothers raising his blade just a bit, breaking the stalemate as his muscles slowly recieved the signal to step forward from his brain. Before the move was completed, Anramun's staff was in motion like a bar of amber light, sweeping through the air with an odd humming noise. One end hooked the man by the foot, unbalancing him even as it continued upward to slam into his manhood with savage force. Needless to say the man dropped like a weighted sack, sword forgotten as both hands held his injured parts.
He didn't stop there, moving on to the other brother with the smooth motions of a river flowing over rocks. A single step forward, a shift in how he gripped the staff, and he slammed it into the gut of the second brother, following it up with another step forward and another savage change of direction. The but of the staff connected with the back of the man's head and he crumpled like a forgotten doll as Anramun danced back.
Habith looked from the two brothers sprawled in the dirt of the roadway back to where Anramun stood. Sweat poured down his porcine features, his fat jiggling as his spine melted. "You...you're not human..."
"No Habith, he's both more and less than human." The smooth voice belonged to the big youth and Nayl shifted on his feet. "You're him arn't you, Lady Alwynn's bastard. I've heard about you and I thought you were another like me...but I see I was wrong to think that. Because if you're half blooded anything then I'll be damned."
Anramun chuckled, never relaxing his guard as he politely inclined his head toward the big youth. "If you think I'm a changling you'd be incorrect. I honestly was born of Lady Alwynn. But while she is mortal you are correct that I'm not half anything."
Nayl spat in the grass, tossing down his weapons. "Take the Hound and go. I don't want any more to do with you. The longer I stay anywhere near you, the longer I risk encountering that which hunts you. And while I'm strong enough to fear very little in this world, the powers that serch for you my Prince, turn my spine to icy gel."
Habith's mouth hung agape as he stared at Nayl, as if seeing the big youth for the same time. "Ye' coward! I'll deal with this my-" His words were cut off as Anramun delt him a savage blow to the temple. Habith's eyes rolled up into his head and the fat man hit the ground with an almost earth shaking thud.
With all the force he had left, Anramun drove the butt of the staff down against the small dark stone that dangled from Habith's wrist, smiling savagely when it shattered with a pop of ugly violet light. Then, gripping the staff two handed, he leaned against it like a man on his last legs. "You don't have to worry about what's hunting me Nayl. I've delt with the attack for today."
The big man looked at his companions and shook his head. Now that he'd revealed he wasn't entirely human, it was easy to spot the slight features that marked him as other. The lightly pointed ears, tips hidden by his shaggy hair. The almond shaped eyes that glittered the green of new leaves. The calloused hands with fingers to long and nimble to belong to their broad palms. And though his muscles were decidedly human, they were supported by an inhuman skeleton.
"It will follow you, looking for you, and all who have seen you. None will be safe, my Prince." Nayl ran a rough hand through his shaggy brunette locks, massive shoulders rising. "But when it comes we will fight because it's all we can do."
"You will not fight alone. There are many, many, who will aid you." Anramun's golden head slowly raised, eyes locking with that of the half blood. "But you cannot continue on as you have been. Aiding human bandits to capture creatures that do no belong in this world. A Hunter's Hound is a dangerous thing...and Fearstones are abominable. You, of all creatures, should know this."
Nayl could say nothing as he watched Anramun turn to where the Hound huddled, staff held in one hand as the other reached out and gripped the barbed iron chain. Spatters of blood stained the pristine white coat of the Hound as Anramun lifted the chain away, smashing this stone in the same manner as the first. The big man hadn't expected to become a bandit but circumstances had forced him into it.
The change in the Hound when the stone was removed was remarkable. It stood on long, slender legs, shaking it's pure coat as it gazed around with intelligent blue eyes. It's tufted ears flicked flat against it's head when that icy gaze landed on Nayl, but when it looked to Anramun they flicked forward again, rough pink tongue flicking out to caress his cheek.
A voice, her voice, blossomed in his tired brain. As icy as the north wind, as delicate as a snowflake, she spoke to him. I cannot express my gratitude to you. You...you are my saviour. There is no pain anymore, no fear. My pups will not be born into captivity, will not need to know fear, all thanks to your kindness.
Ilyamus snorted, stamping a foot as he evesdropped, no longer able to keep silent. Oh great, just what we need. A breeding Hound. What next? An old woman?
We already have you. One nag is enough Ily. Anramun's thoughts were just banter, tired, but well meant. He chuckled a little as the stallion snorted and swung his rump toward Anramun, clearly saying that he was now ignoring them. With a sigh, Anramun turned his attention back to the Hound. And what is your name if I may be so bold as to ask?
I am Cheskea my lord. Her velvet soft nose brushed his hand as he stood, her shoulder pressing against him as she stood with him. And I would...accompany you. If you would have me.
Anramun didn't quite know what to say other than yes. Lady North Star...how could I refuse you? Of all the Hunters Hounds...how had they captured one of the Great Ladies? Perhaps it was a thing of fate, of destiny. Afterall, Anramun needed all the help he could get and this Hound certainly would make defending himself easier.
He'd just opened his mouth to take leave of Nayl when the big youth cleared his throat and dropped to one knee. "I have brought shame upon myself and my mother's house. I do not ask forgiveness, but merely the chance to work off my guilt. Please, my Prince, allow me to travel with you and yours, to buy back my honor with my blade."
-------------------------------
Alright while this may not seem like much of a choice, it's actually rather important. Does Anramun accept the offer of a bandit, one who won't get along with the Hound that has already joined him. Or does he decline Nayl's offer and see what consequences that action brings? Choice is yours.
-----------------------
Sorry that it's short, but I promise you a longer chapter next time. Hope you liked!
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"Music makes you braver."
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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nice.
I think you should accept.
Anramun just seems like that kinda person.
And isn't that what heroes of legend do?
Gather together great fighters, some who have turned towards evil and make them his followers.
or some'in like that.
I still say go for it.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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Do it.
He needs all the help he can get, and there it is, staring him in the face and perfectly willing to work for him. Sure, Nayl's intentions may not be exactly pure, but as long as he's still following him, Anramun could try to convert this rough bandit into a more sociable lad. 
And if he tried to do anything stupid I'm sure Cheskea would eat him down to his marrow.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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BlackAmaranth
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| Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I've got to say accept. Somehow I doubt those Undeads (or whatever you'd call them) are the worst Anramun's going to face. And Nayl's hardly in any position to double-cross anyone...unless, you know, he enjoys getting the snot kicked out of him. Now that I think of it, that'd be fun to see 
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:26 am Post subject: |
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Guess what, poll is up!
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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Such a complicated set of poll options! 
Current Poll Results:
Yes: 3 votes
No: Nilch! Nothing! HA! In your face, "No"!
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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" powers that serch for you my Prince"
search
The bandit won't go with the hound that is already going with him? Then he would have to refuse the hounds company? Rather have that then some (ex?)bandit as company.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:31 am Post subject: |
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Please note, most of these are small issues with me, its a good story.
| Quote: | | She'd become seperated from her escort |
separated, a mistake I have made many times and corrected latter. Which helped me spot it.
Since pewter isn't a color persay and gray/dark gray means the same thing but is more familiar with more people I would say gray (or grey) would be a better word to use. I also don't like having emotions or intentions applied to landscape(unless said landscape has a mind). Stormy, I think would be better. You might be even a bit more descriptive then that like "dark gray clouds held promise of even more snow" Or what ever the case might be.
| Quote: | | Her disquiet communicated itself to the white mare she rode. |
Just so you don't feel its all criticism. I liked this line alot. Lots of other lines I like too, like about the winter trees and other descriptions. (if you want I could be more specific about the stuff I like as well, but theres alot of good stuff there, it would likely take too long)
| Quote: | | the stamp of nobility etched into every line |
You mean nobility as in the quality of kindness and honor? Or do you mean nobility as in, born rich with a valued last name? I can sort of picture the first, at least for a face, not for anything else. Can't picture the latter.
- - - Couldn't he out ride the Mejori? Otherwise if they are faster then the horses, how is it she was able to lie on the ground unattacked for a hour? The forest arranged it so?(I assume this is the case, but then if they are so intelligent, how could the forest fool the Mejori till just the right time? This is one intelligent able malevolent forest)
| Quote: | | Their eyes were possessed of an intelligence beyond that of most mortal men |
if your saying that intelligence was reflected in their eyes, I find that a bit hard to imagine. Especially if its the lady that is seeing it. If your just saying they are intelligent, then the intelligence wouldn't really be in their eyes..(but their brains of course) In which case "They were possessed of a intelligence beyond that of most mortal men"
- - - I take it these intelligent creatures wouldn't allow him to defeat the three without killing them? That doesn't seem very intelligent.
| Quote: | | But Fate had other plans...that bitch usually did. |
I think I understand the essense of what your saying here, that life never goes the way you expected or planned. But I hate the concept of "fate", I'm not exactly fond of inanimate things behing humanized, and I absolutely abhor that particular use of the word bitch. Within it is the concept that there is a way women can suck that men can not (unless they have feminine characteristics) Same thing goes for "whore" with the addition of absurd concepts of victorian sexual purity layered in.
- - - Maybe something not truly relevant to the story or perhaps something revealed latter but... Why would the guards have anything against him? He interfere with their hunting or something?
- - - What is "parade rest"?
- - - What is a "sorceers"? How does it differ from a seer, or does it? Also, if thats a possessive, there should be a ' before the s. And it does seem like a possessive, not a plural. Since "one of the kings.." comes before it.
- - - Why did Anramun take so long to fix Alwynn of the damage he caused? Plus now it hurts him that he didn't repair it sooner because the earl now considers his leaving to be the cause of her getting better. I also feel that the earl certainly would have been less cruel to Aramun had he fixed her earlier. It seems clear to me that the worry for his daughter weighed heavily on his mind (which caused him to be more nasty) Also, Alwynn had been in her own mind, she could have helped buffer Alwynn from her fathers cruelty. Its clear she is a kind soul, so he could have trusted her to keep his secret.(in both the sense that she probably would have, and in the sense of compassion and debt)
He owes her for her being the vehicle for his rebirth, to have her mind destroyed for so long, essentially those years of life lost to her, is a cruel repayment.
Also, if the kiss was what took her memories, why is it that he took her memories before deciding to take her memories with his father?
- - - Don't castle/keep draw bridges go down from the front of the castle? With barely any land if any at all between the door and the moot? In which case its hard to imagine a horse would have even enough room to stand, more less even take a short burst of speed to leap the supernatural distance. (Yes I understand its not a regular horse) Plus latter on that same horse falls from poor footing.
- - - Must you remind us so often that his birth mother was not married when she had him/referring to him as bastard? In situations where he might be judged for that, it works I suppose, but when its him, the horse, and the scenery, its entirely unnecessary.
| Quote: | | He whispered a prayer for the small child, lured from his bed by an irresistable pull. But even as he wept, Anramun knew there was nothing he could do. |
You said there was something he could have done earlier when imprisoned in his towery home, if he wasn't virtually imprisoned. Why could he not do anything now? Or at least make the effort. His flight went undetected and would probably remain so for some time, he could spare a little time to make the effort. Plus with the speed of his ride along with his head start they stand not a chance to catch him.
- - - I'd rather you not write in that these foul creatures could damage a actual soul. The body is one thing, but you can not claw or tear a soul.
- - - I really like your great and unique description of vine and ruin powered undead and the way he defeated them by bringing the vines to a true life.
- - - I wonder though what the plan was that the horse went to see the edge of the fog for. Did he trick the horse to get him out of the way so he wouldn't be hurt? Still, what did the horse think the plan was?
| Quote: |
like a hag stirs a cauldron. |
Hag is like bitch and whore, just vile words in my book. Also very unnecessary here, why not "like stirring a cauldron"? I can't think of any special way a old lady would stir a cauldron verses anyone else stirring it.
- - - Why didn't/couldn't he resurrect that undead family to true life afterwards? The damage was too much? Weren't the kids mostly undamaged?
P.S. If this volume of critique is unwelcome, please let me know. Also like I have already stated, it is a very good story, most of these are minor issues to me. Plus a fair amount of this post is not critique as much as inquiry.
Also, I noticed you still haven't answered my rather simple and short question in my previous post. Nor have you fixed that misspelling of the word search.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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"but of the staff "
butt
| Quote: | | We already have you. One nag is enough Ily. Anramun's thoughts were just banter, tired, but well meant. |
His thoughts? Are Anramun and these animals reading each others minds? Or communicating telepathically?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:28 am Post subject: |
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Sorry Purp, I havn't actually had time to read the comments before now so allow me to do some explaining.
The hound owes him...she'll follow him until such time as he dismisses her or until the debt is repayed. And since Anramun saved not only her, but her unborn pups, she owes him several times over. That's not to say she's going to enjoy traveling with one of her former captors...but circumstance makes for strange bedfellows.
As for Nayl, he'd rather not travel with the hound but knowing that Cheskea is there is going to keep him on the straight and narrow for fear that Anramun might let the hound 'rebuke' the bandit for him.
Pewter is indeed a color and comes in a crayola box. Blame the crayon. And are you sure that the weather isn't particularly intelligent? Nothing is quite as it seems...
'the stamp of Nobility' is referring to what people would call regal beauty. It's not just how she looks, it's also how she carries herself. And, due to inbreeding and an easy lifestyle, she also looks different from your average pesant. Better skin, better hair, better health, and refined features.
No he couldn't have outridden the Mejori not just because they are faster than horses but because the Forest wouldn't let him. She lay on the ground unattacked because the Forest arranged it. And yes, the Mejori showed up at exactly the right time because this is one very intelligent, very able, very magical malevolent forest. Once inside, you do what it tells you, what it lets you, and what it wants you to do. Otherwise you wander forever until you starve or something kills you.
They say the eye is the window to the soul. There are some people who, when you stare into their eyes, you can tell are extremely slow or dull witted...like a brick. The same is true for the opposite but I may make your suggested re-edit.
I used the harsh word intentionally and in this case Fate is more than just a force of chance in life, she's an actual entity that you will meet later on.
The Guards are wholly loyal to the Earl...the easiest way to curry favor with the Earl is to agree with him. Also Anraumn is seen as very feminine...he's got a braid that reaches to the floor and is very narrow and willowy in ways they are not. Plus while he's skilled with weapons he's failed to impress them in any other manner. They're willing to chalk it up to his 'unnaturalness'.
Parade rest is a military position in which a person stands with their feet spread as far apart as their shoulders, hands resting behind their back with one hand wrapped around the opposite wrist. Chin is elevated, eyes are forward. The American Military term to enter this position would be 'At ease'.
Sorceers are unique to the world of Shatterglass. It is the human tearm for anyone with magical talents and abilities and a touch of 'other' blood in them. The plural term for them is also sorceers...sorta like the plural tearm for moose is moose.
Anramun may have been himself, in full possession of his mental faculties and powers, from his second birth...but his body needed time to mature. Thus he couldn't have used that particular power at any previous time without risking serious damage to himself. Also, the Earl would have grown rather suspicious and would have believed it was Alwynn freeing herself on her own while Anramun was trying to keep her back under the spell.
Also it wasn't his kiss, or anything he did, that caused her childish state. It was instead the doing of Anramun's Father. That was the 'it's best she forget' at the end of the prologue...
Cruel but you need to realize Anramun lost those years as well. Had he not gotten involved in the first place Alwynn would have died and Anramun would have continued to mature in his original form.
There are irregularities. The moat is not a perfect circle and near certain gates there are flat expanses of land that are fortified during times of war. This is due to the fact that the moat is partially made of a river that ran through the lands of Ulren. This was not mentioned yet as it was part of an upcoming chapter and still is...
Yes. Lady Alwynn's Bastard has become his title and he's known by it throught the human lands. Sorta like Prince or Earl.
He still couldn't. His flight was undetected by those in the castle but he was trying to get out of reach of the Forest before it had time to launch an attack. Stopping to aid the child would have placed him fighting a battle he could ill afford and that would most likely have drawn the attention of the Earl and his gaurds.
Purp...what kind of wounds does one soul inflict on another? Souls carry scars just like bodies do and those attacks were out to rend more than flesh.
Thank you, I enjoyed writing it. It's a challenge to come up with unique evil.
Ily is not a normal horse, beyond that I'm not going to say anything further as it would be a major spoiler. And no, Anramun didn't want him injured.
Hags are not just evil old women...there is a creature called a Hag that is an undead, usually a witch returned to life by arcane ritual, that continues to cast spells through the potions she brews. Some seek to attone for crimes during their lives...most do not.
The adults were too damaged and the souls were gone. Plus at that point he was drained from battle.
And yes, he's talking to the animal mentally and while Ily and Cheskea can both mentally reply he understands the languages of the tame beasts when they reply to him.
And no this is not unwelcome at all. I like the challenge of justifying myself and my work, mental fencing. Wished it happened more often.
And of late my computer has been fritzing out and not allowing me to spellcheck. It's also fond of randomly freezing and killing my posts when I'm right in the middle of them. Saving things on word documents also doesn't work...that's how I lost my Nano nine times...kept opening the document and finding it mysteriously blank...*growls at computer*
Hope this puts your mind to ease...actually I hope it spawns new questions. Thanks for taking the time Purp.
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"Music makes you braver."
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:00 am Post subject: |
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Not sure what you use for spell check but heres a website that can do it. www.spellcheck.net Of course that won't get all of them. I didn't use it to catch those spelling errors myself (you might consider using it on your reply:p)
You could make the post, so its not lost, then go back over it for spell checking and what not.
| Quote: | | Thus he couldn't have used that particular power at any previous time without risking serious damage to himself. |
Thats some timing for him to reach that level of maturity right then. Stretches belief just a bit, that coincidence.
| Quote: | | Also, the Earl would have grown rather suspicious and would have believed it was Alwynn freeing herself on her own while Anramun was trying to keep her back under the spell. |
I'm not following this logic.
| Quote: | | Also it wasn't his kiss, or anything he did, that caused her childish state. |
Ok, then what was the first kiss forcing stuff in her mouth about? Or would that be telling? And why was it a kiss that was what "gave back what was taken"?
| Quote: | | Had he not gotten involved in the first place Alwynn would have died and Anramun would have continued to mature in his original form. |
Hows that? Or would that also be telling?
Well if he knew anything of what would happen to her if he were to take her memories, then it was short sighted and cruel for him to agree with his father to do that. Harming both of them and his cause in the process.
Bastard might be his title, but that matters not when your riding under the moon with your only companion a dear friend of a horse. There is a earlier example too where its completely uncalled for IMO.
These hags stir in some special way? How are we to know what way that is when you haven't even introduced us to one yet?
You could have said jerk rather then bitch in reference to this fate person. Oh how I hate concepts of fate, humanized or otherwise.
| Quote: | | Purp...what kind of wounds does one soul inflict on another? Souls carry scars just like bodies do and those attacks were out to rend more than flesh. |
The concept of a sole is that of of a greater ID that goes beyond the material, immaterial. You can't touch a soul, short of actually harming it. You would have greater sucess killing mist with a regular sword. At least this is my preferred way of thinking of them. Otherwise its just like another body within a body, like russian dolls. Aside from my other issues concerning this, I find that just absurd.
(any other feedback I might think of will have to wait for another time, got to go for now. I might be able to help you figure out your PC problem)
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:14 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | There are some people who, when you stare into their eyes, you can tell are extremely slow or dull witted...like a brick. |
This worries me. I don't think I should let anyone look into my eyes from now on.
| Quote: | | Thats some timing for him to reach that level of maturity right then. Stretches belief just a bit, that coincidence. |
I felt like saying something ominous and cliche like "there's no such thing as coincidence" upon reading this comment. There's bound to be a bit of coincidence in any story. Also, have you not thought of the possibility that said timing was planned, somehow?
And perhaps you should let up a little on the philosophies and interpretation of descriptions. Everyone sees things in a different way, so some conflict can't be helped, but you know, the chinese have a saying: if you take just one step back, you'll be able to see as far as the sky is wide.
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Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:43 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | have you not thought of the possibility that said timing was planned, somehow? |
I don't see the bad guys or the good guy or anyone else benefiting from that timing, to be worth such complicated planning.
I appreciate what your saying too, but it seems Kalanna Rai appreciates some of it anyway. But I can try to not analyze to deep maybe.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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| Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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Alright. It's been a long time coming but I'll post it while I have the time. Enjoy!
-------------------------
Chapter Six: That Which May Come
For a long time Anramun merely stood, weary eyes resting upon the form of Nayl. "I thought you wanted nothing to do with me a moment ago Nayl. You wanted nothing to do with what hunted me. Were those not the comments you made?"
Slowly the halfbreed nodded, taking a moment to breath before speaking. "You told me that I will not fight alone, that many will aid me. And I couldn't help but think who will aid you? If you fall so do the rest of us. If a horse and a hound are all that Fate is willing to give you I'm more than willing to thwart the plan and add my sword as best I can. To do the most good to make up for all the ill I've caused. So again my Prince...may I travel with you?"
He looked at Cheskea and Ilyamus, both of whom looked back at Anramun mildly, letting him know it was wholly his choice. He considered for a moment longer before giving an almost boneless nod, too weary to argue further. "Very well...but know this Nayl. Betray us and I'll give you over to Cheskea as a plaything for her pups."
Nayl paled but nodded, rising from his position of fealty as he sheathed his blade in the scabbard that rested on his back. "If you'll but give me a moment to gather my things from the campsite we can be off before the hour is out...unless you would like to rest longer my Prince?"
Anramun heaved a sigh, thumping Ilyamus in the ribs lightly as the steed gave a horsey snicker. "I'm not used to being called by titles Nayl. Call me Anramun, I'm more comfortable with it and it will also attract less suspicion in towns." Never, in either of his lives, had Anramun been keen on being called by any of the titles he'd owned. It might have been who he was...but it had never been WHO he was. And that difference made him more than a figurehead, it made him a person.
A grin broke out on Nayl's face and he chuckled. "Sure...Anramun." With an odd sort of wave that might have been a salute such as the Guard back home would have used, Nayl vanished back into the forest that lined the roads as Anramun sagged back against Ilyamus.
What have I gotten myself into Ily? His mental words were tired as he closed his eyes for a brief moment.
The steed nudged his master gently. I would say a mess of epic preportions. But I'm here, she's here...even this strange turncoat bandit is willing to help you. We have Fate on our side Anramun...don't screw that up.
He cracked an eye open and stared at the steed, shaking his head as Cheskea muffled her mental laughter. Why is it that your advice fails to make me feel any better about this venture?
--------------------------------
Xxatera had not been idle since the king's command had been given. In a very short span of time she had commandeered both fine steed and supplies needed for the beginning of her journey. Clad in in leathers clearly not of human origin, the Sorceer herself clearly human only in the slightest. She drew the eyes of all as she passed, mothers pulling their children aside and making the ward against Evil as she passed. Servant of the King or not, superstition still ran deep, fed by the growing darkness of the time that even the blind could feel.
The darkness was growing, had been growing for as long as Xxatera could remember. Not that she was particularly old in terms of her non-human kin, indeed she was barely past her majority. But in the eyes of a human she would have been nearing the end of her span of years, well past her first century of life.
The steed below her was more than willing to lend her speed as she asked for it, leaning low on the horse's back as it flew through the cobbled streets. Both it, and the cape she wore, had been borrowed from one of the Royal Messengers. People sprang out of the way for the symbol, their animosity evaporating. Everyone knew that urgent dispatches traveled between the King, the Court, and Nobles of the realm on the back of such a steed, in the hands of the cloak wearer.
It was one more useful item she'd managed to procure. She had no intention of using it for more than an excuse for speed...but she was greatful for it. The command not to abuse the her powers or the freedoms she'd been given. The signet was tucked away against her skin, braided onto the same leather thong that held her talismans. Pieces of her true heritage. Items of power. Things of great and special value to any who claimed the Folk for their bloodlines.
No doubt the prince she sought would have them as well. Or would he? Would he even know of his heritage? He must, for her to have felt his power, he must know of it. Xxatera shook the ill thoughts away, she had enough trouble as it was without borrowing more. She patted the neck of the pale horse she road, trying to prevent her own unease from affecting the noble beast. The last thing she needed was for it to spook and throw her. Easy Starspray. That's a good girl.
She hoped the horse would understand. Like most of the mounts the Royal Messengers used, it had kindred amoung the horses of the Folk. No normal horse could have called on such speed, hopefully it possessed more intelligence as well.
Soon enough she slowed their flight as a crossroads loomed, bringing Starspray to a halt and sliding from the mare's back with a wince. Patting one pale golden wither, she marched to the very center of where the four roads met. Reaching under her tunic, she pulled free the thong, talismans catching the light. Selecting one brilliant jewel that glowed with cold fire, she plucked it from the strand and clasped it in her hands.
"By the power of the Star Maiden, I beseech you. Point the way." The words spoken she blew a light breath into her hands and pulled them away, watching as the small bead floated in the air like some tiny soap bubble. As it bobbled and wove in the air like a drunken bee, she mounted on her horse again. Waiting...waiting...watching...the bubble suddenly took off light a shot and Xxatera put her heels against Starspray's ribs, willing the mare to follow.
The chase was on as the glowing bauble shot down the road like a falling star, it's speed a blaze that even a full blooded steed of the Folk would have been hard pressed to match. Muttering an ancient traveling chant as they persued, the Sorceer could only hope that the small light did not outdistance them, or run out of magic, before it's purpose was fulfilled. She could not afford waiting another six new moons for it to recharge.
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Nayl glanced back at the steed behind him, more specifically at the man that sat in the saddle. Anramun, the Golden Prince...now Nayl's Prince. It was an uncommon strange feeling, one the halfblood didn't entirely enjoy. He didn't like having to enter service to the Prince under such circumstances. But it was no one's fault but his own. Nobody had told him that it was either banditry or death. No...he'd become a bandit to pay a debt, a debt unjustly ocurred but owed none the same. He paid his debts, right or wrong.
Anramun's breaking of the Fearstone and freeing of the Hound had also concluded the terms of Nayl's service to that whole bandit profession was officially over. Leaving him free to take up arms for a worthy cause. Reaching a hand into the pouch at his belt, he clutched one of the only things he had left of his mother, the talisman she had given him on the day of his Naming. She'd claimed that, in times of direst need, it would aid him. But it hadn't yet.
Perhaps the need was not dire enough?
The sound of another voice in his head startled him and he turned to find the right eye of the sleeping Prince's mount staring at him. The horse gave a short snort before continuing to speak.
I'm not dull witted and your head isn't packed with wool. And before you ask, yes I was evesdropping. I'll do anything I can to keep him safe and if that means spying on your thoughts then so be it.
"Your honesty astounds me." His voice was dry and the growl of the Hount made Nayl fall silent. "Your fears are unfounded. I have no intention of betraying the Prince. Some causes are worth dying for...those of my former associates wasn't one of them. His..." he didn't feel he needed to finish the sentance.
For a while there was silence, the road stretching between them unbroken. Then the sound of hoofbeats began to echo, faintly at first, but growing ever louder. As the road began to narrow, trees pressing thickly about, there were few places to hide. Nayl glanced back at Anramun, taking in the sleeping form of the Prince, then back toward the direction of the hoofbeats. This is my chance to prove my worth to him.
Ilyamus snorted, curved ears flicking as he shook his noble face. Take it easy kid...it could be nothing...
---------------------------------
So what is approaching? Xxatera? Or could it be something else? Could it be nothing but their imaginations? A trick played upon them? Or is it some elaborate test for Nayl? And a better question...how does he handel the situation? Only you know.
------------------------------
Hope you enjoyed!
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"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 2:30 am Post subject: |
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| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | both fine steed |
both a fine steed
| Kalanna Rai wrote: |
the Sorceer herself clearly human only in the slightest. |
This sentence confuses me a little. Is she clearly human, or only slightly human in appearance? I suppose your saying shes clearly human, but shes so close to the line where it might be a little less then clear? Still sounds a little like a oxymoron. Maybe theres a better way to say this.
| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | Patting one pale golden wither |
Withers
"The high part of the back of a horse or similar animal, located between the shoulder blades"
So why is the word "one" in there? Shouldn't it be "patting her horses withers" or something like that? I think a horse only has one withers, the s at the end is part of the word, not a pluralizer.
So this is a pale horse with a golden spot in it's withers? Its hard to imagine that. Maybe you could describe the horse more, or make it simplier, leaving out the golden.
| Kalanna Rai wrote: |
Crossroads... ...center of where the four roads met... |
Are you sure you don't mean where the two roads met? Its unusual for 4 roads to meet in one spot. There usually isn't much point to that, plus it makes it very hard to turn onto a road next to the road your on (unless theres a large open space or circular path where they meet) 4 roads meeting would be 8 directional choices in the center.
| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | took off light a shot |
like a shot
| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | shot down the road like a falling star, |
I suppose this is meant to accentuate that its fast and glowing, but if it took off down the road like a falling star, it would hit the road pretty quick (because it would be falling)
You might also say, blazed/shot along the road, instead of down the road. Up or down might sort of work, but along is more accurate. (plus with the falling star description, makes it sound even more like its going to smash into the road like a shot down plane)
Plus "shot down"can also have the meaning of taking something flying down to the ground by shooting it, or to dismiss a idea or something else someone has to say. (perhaps the road was floating, and she destroyed it with her falling star orb, sending it crashing down to earth? )
accrued? occurred? (I think the former makes more sense)
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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It's an illusion sound, conjured up by some faithless rogue who wishes to rob the packs of this traveler and his foolish servant, obviously mentally ill (i mean, he's talking to a HORSE) while they face the other direction. That or someone's tries to slit their throats using the above trick.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 12:54 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I would say a mess of epic preportions. |
Proportions.
Pretty cool chapter. I don't think Xxatera should be able to reach him quite that fast, so I say it's a couple of guards or soldiers who've gone to search out the bandits and put and end to their stealing. There's a number of things Nayl can do at this point, but I can't quite think of a good one right now. I'll edit one in later.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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Lilith
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:32 am Post subject: |
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I noticed that too Lilith, but from what I remember it was a premonition. So I assumed he was fated to be reborn a third time. Of course that would result in alot of years lost, and I thought things were too urgent for that.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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zahark
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| Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:27 am Post subject: |
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it is way to soon for Xxatera to find him.
i do like lil's idea though a hunter or guards with the hounds mate.
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The sun will set for you
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Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
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I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:06 pm Post subject: |
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Yes yes, a poll here too.
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Mirel
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| Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 8:23 am Post subject: |
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Ah the loss of a dead story...long berfit of it's author, I suppose, a sad fate for a twisted tale that died before it could fullfill its full and promising destiny. Alas the day, where has the writer gone?!?
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:27 am Post subject: |
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*steps out of the shadows and bows* Why the author has gone right here. No promises on how long I'll be around though. Everytime I think I'm done with comp trouble something new happens. I just have to work like a madragon while I can. Here is the latest installment that has been wondered over. Enjoy!
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Chaper Seven: The Hunt
Nayl took a firm grip on the reins of his mount as the sound of hoofbeats grew to a thunderous crescendo. Now other sounds could be heard amidst the heavy falls, the scrabbling of claws on earth, the sound of running hounds. But where was the baying? The belling calls that would signal that this unearthly pack had the scent they followed? Or was the steed right, were they simply passing by, one more strange ocurrance in a time growing ever stranger. The muscles below him flexed as his mount danced nervously, tossing it's heavy head as it shifted nervous hooves.
A chill wind had begun to stir the trees, lashing their tops and working it's way down, blowing fine grit and sand along at a stinging pace. His cheeks were quickly reddened by the debris, by the chill bite as it swirled ever lower to the ground. It howled, screamed, as if fleeing the ever growing sound of a hunt, could it be the wind that was the prey? What could hunt the wind itself? Nayl wasn't sure he wanted to find out but a glance at Ilyamus reassured him that the other steed wasn't inclined to move.
A glance at the Hound told him more. Cheskea was straining at some invisible teather, her promise to Anramun perhaps, ears alert and cocked forward, tail lashing happily behind her. She nosed into the wind, eyes closing as she sucked in great lungfuls, finally tossing back her massive head in a long, low howl that seemed to spark against the heavens. It was a call, a beacon, a beckoning. Come to me, come to me quickly...
Now voices answered her, hounds baying and howling, the joyous sounds of a kennel when the meat is thrown bloody into the pens. Snarls and squeals and cries echoed as a pinpoint of light suddenly exploaded into brilliant being, expanding to encompass the land as far as Nayl could see. And in the light creatures were moving, Hounds like Cheskea. Each was different, glowing with a different hue, a million points of cold light. Stars. The thought came to his head unbidden but true. There were as many of the glowing figures as there were stars in the sky. And in the center of the pack two massive steeds, one golden and eye-searing brilliant, the other pale, shimmering in the reflective glory of it's companion. The Sun. The Moon. What is this?
The Sky Hunt halfblood. Feast your eyes upon a sight no mortal has ever seen and lived to speak of. Ilyamus's words were spoken with quiet respect and he tossed his head in greeting to the pair of celestial steeds, watching them come to a slow halt. Both of the great horses wore tack, armor and barding, saddles and bridles of exquisit workmanship. Neither bore a rider on it's back. How odd, how strange, how perfectly understandable. There were legends of these two steeds, appering to the nobles of the Court, whisking them away to some impossible task. Nayl's head whipped around with worry...had they come to take Anramun?
Two howls, perfect in their harmony, two halves of the same song of joy, rose into the now quiet air. The other Hounds had fallen silent, the movement of the Hunt come to a halt, and the wind fallen still, daring not to breath. Standing near Ilyamus, Cheskea was nose to nose with a massive male, her head moving forward to rest on the top of his neck while his mirrored the motion on hers. Her mate... Nayl's blood went icy. All it would take was one word from the Hound and he would be damned. The Hunt would tear him to shreds and grind him under paw and hoof.
Instead she said nothing, nothing about him anyway. But it was clear she was speaking of Anramun, of the deeds and doings of the dead bandits. Of all she had seen and observed, not from a lofty point in the sky, but with her physical paws touching the earth. Just by watching the reaction of the sea of glowing figures Nayl knew she was talking of the darkness that was spreading across the land. Soft noises rippled through the massive crowd until an echoing mental voice stilled them. Enough. Sandranon, speak to us. Is it thus? Has the Ancient finally reached forth from it's slumber? Speak to us East Wind, tell us why you wear a flesh almost mortal.
It took Nayl a moment to realize it was the Sun horse that had spoken, moving closer and closer until the heat that beat off of it overcame the chill the wind had ground into the halfblood's bones. He looked around for the one the golden stallion addressed. Who was Sandranon?
Tossing his own head, flaxen mane tumbling in a nonexistant breeze, it was Ilyamus that answered. I am here because Nomorow is chained in the Winter Wood, awaiting the return of his once dead master. Because my sisters harry the Stormbringers in the south, and the west. Because, he snorted with a stamp of his hoof I am not afraid of being mortal. If he can do it, so can I. There was no need to ask who 'he' was, even in sleep the light glimmered on Anramun. So what will you do Wethwyre? What say will you and the Hunt have in this?
The Sun stallion exchanged an unreadable look with the horse of the Moon, glanced at the surrounding hounds. But it was the pale Moon steed that spoke in a soft voice. We should not interfear. We are above this world, we look down. If the darkness falls upon it it still does not touch the heavens. We should watch, we should wait...but we will not. You, boy, come here.
The conversation had been going over Nayl's head for so long he was shocked to be spoken to. Fumbling badly, he nearly spilled from the saddle, on shaking legs approaching the pale steed through a crowd of glimmering Hounds. Like a tide they parted from him, sliding smoothly away as if loath to touch him. In the pouch by my saddle you will find a canteen and a broken blade. Take both. Keep the blade, affix it to the haft of a spear and weild it with pride. But the canteen you may not have. Open it and give your Prince a swallow of the drought inside then give it to his keeping. Such as it is dangerous to a halfbreed such as yourself.
He stared into those paitent eyes, milky in a way that should have been blind but, from the way the animal moved, were no such thing. With shaking hands he did as he was bid, nearly cutting his fingers as he grasped the blade and pulled it free. He barely studied it, tucking it into the loop of his belt before pulling free his other hand and the canteen with it. It was a small thing, barely bigger than the palm of his hand, with a cleaver drinking spout stopped with a silver stopper. Quickly he did as he was bade, nearly tripping over Cheskea and her mate, unstoppering it with shaking hands.
Gently he rolled Anramun's head to the side, dribbling a little of the bright liquid within into the slack mouth, waiting for the slow swallow before giving him more. After the second mouthful golden eyes snapped open and the Prince recoiled from him, blinking against the massed light.
To his credit Anramun took the strange sight in stride, looking dazzled for a moment before giving a small smile. Wethwyre, Marsiland, Qyilon, Tremond, and Herskor...I should have expected the royalty of the sky to come hunting their missing lady. I did not expect, however, you'd bring the full Hunt with you.
The big male next to Cheskea looked up at Anramun as the golden Prince dismounted, glancing first to his mate then back. He stepped forward, heavy muscles rippling under his shimmering hide. She says she swore to follow you. Where she goes, I go, whether you would have me or not.[/b] He shot a glance at Nayl, one that could easily be interperated as saying 'your opinion counts not' before returning his unsettling eyes on Anramun.
Golden head bowed, arms sweeping elegantly as Anramun went down on one knee before the amassed Hunt in general and Cheskea's mate in particular. [b]Herskor I am humbled by your offer, I will turn away none who would bind their cause to mine. Your strength is sorely needed and much welcomed lord of the Hunt, perhaps we will find suitable prey before too long.
The massive Hound gave a grin, stepping back smoothly beside his mate, tail twitching in amusment. Golden skin, golden eyes, golden hair, golden tongue. I suspect you could say the most bitter of truths and have them come out coated with honey. Do not abuse such a gift, it is not wise to play with hearts Prince.
A bowed head acknowledged the words and Nayl watched Anramun turn again to the Hunt, watched golden eyes pick out the two steeds. Marsiland, I thank you for this precious gift. Anramun raised his hand and Nayl blinked. Of the small canteen only the silver stopper, curved like a crescent moon, remained. I shall braid it in a place of honor for the Hunt honors me greatly.
Wethwyre pawed the ground, snorting and tossing his brilliant head, pacing forward a quick step. Speaking of gifts Anramun, there is one left that we may give. In the bag on my left side there is an object most precious. It was given to me by Himself, entrusted in my care until such time as it was needed. This is that time and I bid you take it and use it. The Ancestor must be stopped.
For a long moment golden steed and golden man gazed at each other. Then, with liquid movements, Anramun walked to the glowing stallion and reached into the golden bag that hung to the left side of the saddle. His face was a mask of shock as he grasped what was in, his arm slowly pulling forth....
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What is the gift that Anramun draws from the bag? What does it do? How is it going to help our ever expanding band of travelers? Only you can tell, dear reader.
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After a long hiatus I have returned...and I come bringing gifts. I hope you enjoyed!
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Mirel
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| Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:32 am Post subject: |
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*smiles slowly* Now that's more like it. As beautiful woven as the others were, if I do say so.
As for the DP, from the sounds of it, the Sun Stead is giving our 'hero', if he can be called that, something from the hunter himself and there are are only one thing that I know of that the hunter carries in legend: The Hunting Horn. A legendary object that will summon the full hunt, even the Hunter himself to ride chaos, death, destruction, and a whirlwind over the world and in that destruction bring forth life....
_________________
Possibilities are the food of the imgination.
~ ~ ~
Some things are too good to be missed: Get Invited.
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Tikanni Corazon
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:16 am Post subject: |
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Hi Kalanna Rai,
I've only just joined City of If, and yours is the first story that I have read. And I have to say that I am hooked! I love it!
As for what could be in Wethwyres saddlebag, my first thought was that it could be a sword (with some kind of magical quality of course), or some other kind of weapon. But then it occured to me that Anramun wouldn't really have any real use for it.
So I'll need to think about it a bit longer. 
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 11:00 am Post subject: |
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Okay,had a little think about it.
I figure that he will not really need any weapons, as he seems perfectly capable of looking after himself anyway. Then I thought of something with a magical power. Could be a possibility, but again, he has magical powers at his disposal already.
So I tried to imagine something that he didn't have but would be very useful. And I came up with A SPY. A creature that could sneak around undetected, small enough to squeeze through tiny spaces, that could fly and swim and could not be hurt or killed. Something that could be called upon whenever desired. In my head when I imagined it, it looked like a mummified animal (sort of like a gargoyle, but that is probably because it sort of fits in with the story),dead looking. But it can be brought to life with an incantation of some sort. As well as being a spy, it could also be used for other things, such as helping them to gain access to a place or an object that they might require.
Anyway, that is what I came up with. Hope everyone doesn't think it's totally crap.
Oh, and the gargoyle thing was just how I saw it in my head. You could make it look however you wanted. Bye. 
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Kalanna Rai
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome welcome, TC, to Shatterglass.
I like your suggestions, more I like the fact that you took the time to explain your thought processes. It just gives me a richer idea of how to work with your suggestion.
I hope you continue to hang around, I'm sure others will benifit from your ideas in the future.
_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Kalanna Rai,
One does ones best. And don't worry, I plan to stick around.
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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