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Mayor Key rose to power in the City of IF following the mysterious disappearance of the benevolent Interfable emperor, Marcus Keavnius. He ruled the city with great girth and quiet dignity in the early City of IF days and was succeeded by Smee and then chinaren and others as Mayors (see Hall of Mayors).

Key's profile

Key is rumored to be hard at work in his Royal Laboratory on huge and powerful machines that use the principles of Quantum IFex to cause the world of US to grow larger and more Idearium-rich. He has recently begun initial experimentation on IF citizens.

Here is an excerpt from an interview with Key before the first Arena of Death:


Camera pans around to show a richly furnished room, with Jacuzzi, swimming pool and sumptuous furniture. Erotic oil paintings line the walls and scantily clad young maidens are draped around the place, oiling each others backs. And fronts.

Finally the camera swings around to see the rotund figure of the Mayor, dressed in fine silk garments, reclining on a couch. Two maids are holding and peeling grapes and another one is feeding him the ready ones. A mug of ale is perched on a small oak table by his arm, and the remains of stuffed and roasted swan, half eaten, is next to that. A naked girl is kneeling by the couch and the shape of her head can be seen bobbing up and down under his robe.

Key sees Bob and the camera come in and hastily shoos the girls away. They run off giggling, and at least one of them wiping her mouth.

Bob: “Mr. Mayor, sorry to intrude when you are busy with matters of state, we appreciate your time is valuable.”

“I'm always happy to speak with the press, Bob. It's a wonderful night to be down here at the arena.”

“So, I won’t waste your time but get straight to the questions. Firstly, many people are wondering, are you a sponsor of one of the candidates?”

“I'm glad you asked that, Bob, because I want to set the record straight about this. I'm a big supporter of this tournament because of the contribution it brings to the local economy, and I'm looking forward to the show like everyone else, but there's absolutely no truth to these rumors that I've personally sponsored a candidate. That would be a conflict of interest, and I would never do that.“

“I see. And is there a Mrs Mayor of IF?”

“Oh, yes, of course. She flies in and out of the City from time to time, taking different forms and changing her name. A few of the long-term residents of the City have had sightings of her. A wonderful woman, the love of my life.”

“Ah. I have heard some reports you were seen with some of floozies the other night down in Muaddibs' district?”

“No comment.”

“Is it true you have a horde of Fables stacked away in a secret house in the City?”

“Ha ha! That's a good one, Bob. No, as anyone can see, I've got the same stories to write and bills to pay as any working family in the City of IF. Why just recently, I was forced to ask for donations just to preserve my dignity in the Auction of a local popular thread. But that's a story for another time. Piles of fables, ha ha!”

“Do you have any comment about the running of the Council and the rumors of all night orgies at the Town Hall?”

“Ha ha! You're such a kidder, Bob. Well, all I have to say is: how come I wasn't invited? Ha ha!”

“Could you say a few words to the competitors please?”

“Warriors, I salute you! May the best fighter win, and the rest of you die in an entertaining way!”

“Thank-you for taking the time to speak to us Mr. Mayor.”

“My pleasure, Bob. Good luck to you, and I hope I can count on your support in the next election.”

<Bob turns and speaks to the camera>

“So there you have it folks. Our very own mayor tells it like it is! Remember to vote on the competitors for the first match of round 1! This is Bob McBobsky live, from the Mayors private box…”

<Mayors voice from off camera>

“Have you done? Now get that bastard camera out of here, and if I ever see you again I will have your head torn off and…”

<Screen goes black as camera is forcibly turned off>

<<<<<< Clip courtesy of Chinaren news corp. archives.

Mayoral interview courtesy of MAGE MOUNTAIN: <<<<<<

"Mr. Mayor, so glad you could make time in your busy schedule to be interviewed."

"No problem at all, Sob. No problem at all. Fire away with your questions."

"Alright. Are the rumors true that IM has obtained a large amount of souls in his mine?"

"I'm glad you asked that question, because I want to personally assure the citizens of IF that there is nothing unusual happening in the Idearium mines. And even if there was something unusual going on, it wouldn't be nefarious magical experiments involving cloning and soul-stealing. And even if it was, it would pose absolutely no danger to any well-protected citizen who lives in a gated mansion with lots of bodyguards."

"Er...that's...very..reassuring, Mr. Mayor. Okay...question number two...Can you give us any insight into what the prize will be?"

"I will bestow an honor, and donate 250 fables from the City Treasury. This is a historic moment, as it will be the first time the City Treasury has actually paid out money. But since our City is so prosperous, I firmly believe that we should spend some our hard-earned surplus on encouraging our citizens to kill each other in entertaining ways."

"Very interesting, Mr. Mayor. Number three...What words of courage can you give to these warriors for their battle up the mountain?"

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

"Very inspring. And number four..." And here Sob points to behind the throne. "What are you doing with all those women?"

"Well, there's nothing improper about that. As you know, many young women have a passion for politics, and so my office has an internship program where we take the, uh, most qualified, and give them intensive, ah, instruction in politics. That's all."

"Yes. I'm sure that's what you do here. Well, that'll be all for today. This has been Mage Mountain!"

Before the orb goes off, you can hear the voice of Key going, "Is that all? I swear if you come back again, I'll stick several orbs right up your a-"

<<<<<< At this point, the interview was terminated.


Key is also the author of a collection of stories from The Wheel.