Sorrow
From IFki
Heralded by his brother as "the Next SchoolMarm!", Sorrow isn't actually all that grammar-oriented. Not intentionally. It's a complex. He can usually keep it under control, but lashed out at Smee in "The Time Before" after failing to take his medicine. Three or four other citizens intervened before the situation turned explosive. This is a good thing, as Smee would most likely have readily turned Sorrow into some expensive goo.
He is also the only known member to have left the EVIL Guild. They hold on to their members with an iron grip. He did, however, sign a nondisclosure, and is forced to blast you if you ask any questions about his experience in the guild.
Some people seem to have the misconception that Sorrow is a ranger. No, he isn't, he just plays one on ORB-V. Some people also seem to think that Sorrow is a demon. No, he isn't, but it almost happened at one time in the EVIL Guild. Of course, he is not allowed to tell you about this experience, as this would result in his soul being fed to Phang and Lordy, as per terms of the nondisclosure.
Actually, Sorrow is just a normal person with a grammar-compulsive disorder. Or was, until he drank some Idearium-tainted water. This gave him the ability to gain the use of magic by drinking Vanilla Coke, the ability to shapeshift, and scathing sarcasm. He lives in a small building near the edge of Fantasy Forest, and interestingly, holds a monopoly on Vanilla Coke distribution throughout the city.
Black Cherry Vanilla Coke hit the city in 2005, and Sorrow turned an interested eye towards the craze, quickly claiming control of all imports and exports of Black Cherry Vanilla Coke and adding a 'special ingredient' to make it extra nice.
He soon claimed a monopoly on the drink, but the Vanilla Coke Original from which he gained his power fell rapidly out of favour after his death, although his fleeing lifeforce augmented the last remaining bottle in his supply with awesome power, although it is not quite certain how this occured. A mysterious orange creature was spotted fleeing the scene.
On an unrelated note, it took two and a half years to get rid of the last traces of a mysterious black addictive liquid substance from the bodies of the Citizens of this noble city, although no one quite knows what it was. We will not speculate on his business practices further, as they were almost as shady as those of Chinaren, Inc. The BENEVOLENT Chinaren Inc.
He is currently DEAD. Yes, you heard me. Horribly, horribly dead. It's a shame, but there you go. He is finally DEAD. Ah well.
He died some time during 2006 in mysterious circumstances, and chinaren is just one of many suspects. This just in!
After long investigation by a special team of detectives lead by yours truly, it turns out that city officials were BRIBED- yes, BRIBED- to place suspicion of a variety of innocent suspects. The only person who was genuinely a suspect on the list was... *urk*
