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Chinaren
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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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I like it! Well written and entertaining! 
I say go to a priest, but not a regular one, but one from some weird cult. Hehe!
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:13 am Post subject: |
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F5 China, well written and very enjoyable! Has a nice, comical touch to it. I didn't even notice any bigger grammar errors.
I say he helps him, being the good Samaritan I am. And, I think that there should be a freaky goth-style girl that was in their class but they never talked to her, and she just might help them.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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I F5 C-ren as well..
i love the idea of a wacko-priest. Perhaps one who is also, say, someone who helps people out of parking tickets on the side? Like.. either being a priest of an obscure religion, or being the parking ticket dude is a side job.
Can't wait to read more!
(and.. i notice you have a love of the undead or something?)
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the feedback, guys. I have a real problem with losing faith in a story once is loses momentum. The comments are encouraging.
| scissorkitty wrote: |
(and.. i notice you have a love of the undead or something?) |
For the record, I loath the undead. I just think it's important to understand your enemy. *wink*
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:59 am Post subject: |
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Nice, Marbledog! This is really, really good so far. Humor is great, as is plot so far.
I have to agree with everyone so far- I would suggest getting some help. And like Cy said, it should be from a girl in their class- an emo, slightly crazy girl that belongs to some sort of cult (or has made one up herself) that possibly helps them.
Can't wait to read more!
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:44 am Post subject: |
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Okay, since polls generally need more than two options, allow me to offer up a third..
what if, instead of seeking outside help, they decide to research things themselves? Leading to an excursion to a very popular Big Box Book Seller, and a disguised perusal of the magic/enchantments/self help section?
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marbledog
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Ch.1 poll is up! It should be interesting, no matter how you guys decide to proceed. Thanks for your votes and your input!
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Chinaren
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:20 am Post subject: |
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Tied it. 
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Black Hawk
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:05 am Post subject: |
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Great zombie story voted for goth girl and untied it
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:50 pm Post subject: |
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As an added note, since Dave is a minor celebrity who is known to be dead, he really can't leave the apartment. Imagine what it's like to have an annoying roommate who never leaves the apartment, doesn't pay any rent or bills, and is always borrowing your cloths.
Now imagine that he's also decomposing.
From Jason's point of view, imagine you were trapped in the apartment all day, every day. On top of that, since you don't sleep, all day is a really long time. Plus, you can't call or invite over any of your friends. Eventually, you're going to have to find creative ways to fill the time...
Regardless of where the plot goes, I'm really looking forward to seeing how the characters deal with the "every day" problems in the life of a zombie and his roommate.
Some difficulties you could intoduce...
Someone visits Dave unexpectedly.
Jason eats Dave's food.
Jason and Dave fall for the same girl.
Jason gets bored and makes some calls (old friends or just random prank calls).
The neighbors start to complain about the smell, loud music, ect.
You get the idea.
Great start, and as you can see I'm already excited about where things will go from here!
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marbledog
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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| The votes are in, and freaky goth girl wins in a landslide. Thanks to everyone for voting. You can expect an update soon.
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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Intriguing. Your style is witty and brisk. The similes are fun but I can't say they make the imagery clearer. I spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out what "grinding the transmission on a bowl of gumbo" would sound like and feel more confident in my ability to imagine grinding cartilage in a broken neck. But it's funny so never mind. Could you tell me what parapatetic means? The closest I could look up was peripatetic which means itinerant.
I'm too late for the poll but I just wanted to mention that the story caught my eye.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Lebrenth wrote: | Could you tell me what parapatetic means? The closest I could look up was peripatetic which means itinerant.
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Actually, that's a typo. It should be "paraparetic". Paraparesis is partial paralysis of the lower limbs. Thanks for catching that.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:36 am Post subject: |
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I just wanted to post to tell you how much I enjoyed the story. The plot is totally new, your style is totally awesome, and it's a totally well-written piece that really captures the reader.
You have a great skill of timing, pace, and scope--all of which it seems will be essential to this storgame. You said you have trouble keeping up storygames so here's your extra momentum:
This storygame kicks some serious butt. I will be reading more when I can  .
Good work!
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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Dave thinks they should try to hide his condition, but Jason thinks they should hide Dave until he gets a chance to explain things to Victoria.
Victoria is of course fascinated by Dave, but in a strictly professional way. It gives him just enough encouragement to do/say something embaressing.
To farther complicate things, at some point Victoria should reveal that she was interested in Jason while they were working on their project together, but for some reason (shyness, a boyfriend, ect.) she never spoke up.
As for the fate of the chicken, I don't know what should happen. I'm not inclined to believe that Dave will try that hard to find one until he knows what it's for.
Those are my thoughts, anyone else?
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Black Hawk
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:42 am Post subject: |
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hide Dave because surely Victoria knows that Dave was killed until they find a way to help Dave come back to life it won't do any good to have him confes his love even if Victoria might have loved him and as for the chicken say your going out to do something then get it
P.S. Is Dave a vegetarian?
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:27 am Post subject: |
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I think Jason should let Voctoria in, then lock the door secretly. After that he takes her to see Dave. BAM! When she sees him she'll either run (prevented by locked door) or instantly get to work. A bit of a shellshock might even rush her to finish the work.
As for the chicken, she probably didn't have dinner and she doesn't like the chickens you can buy in a store. A girl can't work on an empty stomach!
Good one, Marbles! Hope to see the next installment soon!
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Dean
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| Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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OK, this is some funny stuff. Definitely gonna follow this one! 
A side suggestion: It might be interesting to have the setting of the entire story be Jason's apartment, with other settings only referenced in dialogs and flashbacks.
On to the DP suggestions:
1. I agree with shy_blue_eyes that Victoria should be fascinated by Dave's condition, but purely in a professional manner. Dave should eventually profess his love for her again sometime down the road as well. And the Victoria *heart* Jason dynamic is perfect too. Nothing like a security guard/goth girl/zombie love triangle to spice up a story! 
2. Dave's condition should not be disguised "per say". I think Victoria should come over to Jason's house, with Dave hiding in another room. Jason tries to explain the situation in a roundabout way, and Dave accidentally reveals himself somehow.
3. The chicken. I think Victoria originally intended to sacrifice the chicken as an offering to "summon the spirit of the deceased". However, since dead Dave is already present, the chicken can just be offered to him alive to what he wants with it. Dave will undoubtedly want to keep the chicken as a pet -- in Jason's apartment!
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:42 am Post subject: |
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| F5 Dean about hiding Dave and the chicken!
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:59 am Post subject: |
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| Love it! Funny and brilliant.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| New poll is up, thanks to some great suggestions. Keep up the good work, guys.
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Dean
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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Hummmm, the poll options were a little bit strange. I voted for "clue Victoria in/spare the chicken". However, I'd also like to see Dave hide and be discovered somehow.
Also, the last poll option made no sense: zombie/CHICKEN/priestess love triangle? What kind of story are you writing here?! LOL! Anyways, if you wanna do the love triangle, you can, but it wouldn't make sense to vote for it in the contexts of this poll. Right now, we need to vote for what happens next, not for a love triangle that might develop later.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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I was in an oddball mood when I wrote the poll. I just through the last one in for a lark. I certainly don't expect anyone to vote that way.
Of course, I could be setting myself up for failure. I have no idea what I'd do if people DID go for it.
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sparta12
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| Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:14 am Post subject: |
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Nice job marbledog. I just started reading your story today and I'm thorougly enjoying it. Your sense of wit is spot on! 
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marbledog
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| Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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Hrm... Shall I assume that the single vote for a necro-bestial threeway is the work of Chinaren?
Perhaps we should step it up to sado-necro-bestiality... or would that just be beating a dead horse?
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sparta12
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| Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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Probably.
I dont really want to imagine it... Because when I did, I was trying to comprehend as to what the hell it would be and then things got an elaborate... Only it was freakin' disturbing!
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:38 am Post subject: |
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| marbledog wrote: | | Hrm... Shall I assume that the single vote for a necro-bestial threeway is the work of Chinaren? |
| deaddog wrote: | | Perhaps we should step it up to sado-necro-bestiality... or would that just be beating a dead horse? |
~groans~
I think gay-underage-sado-necro-scat-beastiality is the way to go. Can't have it too perverted in my book*.
*Which isn't a publication you should show the kids.
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:43 am Post subject: |
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I vote for some sort of zombie-chicken transference. The live chicken takes on Dave's more zombie-like qualities, and Dave gets more life-like qualities... so long as the now zombie-chicken is kept safe. Like a voodoo doll, only live.
so this would make Dave more alive--.. but with a weird pet.
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Chinaren
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Dean
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| Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:56 am Post subject: |
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Marbledog, methinks you're gonna have to do a mish-mash of polling results to get the next course of action. Good luck with this one, the next chapter is bound to be interesting....
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:04 am Post subject: |
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I suppose Clue Vic. in/ spare the chicken and Priestess-Chicken-Zombie love triangle are compatable if no one breaks the tie...
*shudders*
No matter what the results are, it looks like M-Dog's going to have to "Wing it."
*HINT HINT HINT*
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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Poll results are in, and thank you to whomever it was that saved my bacon. "Clue Victoria in/ spare the chicken" came in first by a hair. Update should be up in two to three days.
Teaser: Ever hear of a guy named Ukobach? You will soon.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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Good job M-dog, you made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts now!
Really!
I didn't find any grammar mistakes, love the vocab and the ending scene is a killer! XD
As for Vic and her DP...
She should first act amazed by the fact there is a living corpse in existence (using a professional vocab on purpose ) and should be extremely professional. This is, after all, the most occult-ish and weirdest thing that has happened in her life (I guess )
Keep up the good work!
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Beyond Good and Evil
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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*gets up off the floor, still giggling slightly*
My God, Marbledog... you only get better as this progresses. I'm a little worried to continue reading, mainly because I think I'll puncture a lung if I laugh any harder.
As far as the dp goes, I think it'd be really interesting if Victoria did try to contact her Orisha, but for some reason had trouble and had to see other specialists. And I think she does view Dave with at least some compassion... Being revolted or solely professional just seems rather cruel.
Anyways, despite what I said earlier, I can't wait to read more!
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Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Dean
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| Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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Haha, funny stuff man. Will think on the dp and get back to ya.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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| The poll is closed, LoTN. I should post a new poll this weekend. Please check back!
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Dean
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:15 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberworm wrote: | As for Vic and her DP...
She should first act amazed by the fact there is a living corpse in existence (using a professional vocab on purpose ) and should be extremely professional. This is, after all, the most occult-ish and weirdest thing that has happened in her life (I guess ) |
I agree with Cyberworm on that issue. Then I think she should try to find a more direct solution. She doesn't need Orisha to summon Dave -- he's already there. Outside help would probably be too dangerous. So, she should get her hands dirty, so to speak, and solve this problem herself.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:39 am Post subject: |
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Ah yes, I see I forgot to post what shall she do... well... hehe... thanks Dean, I love the "get her hands dirty" idea. 
Keep up the good work Fape!
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Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:35 am Post subject: |
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M-dog, I have never laughed so hard at a story and still taken the plot and the characters seriously! Thank you.
As for the DP, F5 CY and Dean!
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and those are the "Good Guys".
Welcome, to the Barony of Wyndshire!
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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Good story, though the decision point struck me as somewhat ill-positioned. You could have written a bit more to offer better options. I'll wait for the next chapter.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous 
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:47 am Post subject: |
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Awesome! 
The only small, tiny, critisism, and it's barely that, is that I'd have stopped the chapter at:
“BUCKAWK!”
Anyway, DP. She goes ahead of course, though minus the blood 'cos they won't let her kill the rooster, using tomato sauce instead. And of course, that doesn't please the spirits very much.
I feel a great chapter award coming on...
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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| this is awesome!!! i'm truly loving this sg! I'm sad that I missed the poll.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | The only small, tiny, critisism, and it's barely that, is that I'd have stopped the chapter at:
BUCKAWK! |
I agree entirely, and I had every intention of ending the chapter right there. Unfortunately, the next line hit me. I thought it was decent, and I didn't want to forget it. Such is the price I pay for being too lazy to write things down.
Anywhos, thanks sincerely to everyone for all the great feedback and support. I started this piece over a year ago as a pretty dry exercise in logical rhetoric. With your help, I think it's really turning into something. I'm falling slightly in love with this story, and I can only hope that you're having as much fun reading it as I am writing it.
Poll is going up NOW! Do your damnedest!
(BTW, Zombie Nation should be updated in the next day or two, for those who are interested.)
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Dean
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: |
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I voted for a combination of all options, because I like making you squirm.
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Hak
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| Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:11 am Post subject: |
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lol, interesting story here.... I hope to see more.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:38 pm Post subject: Goddamn Gustav |
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Sorry for the lack of updates. The recent hurricane has knocked me off of the grid for the time being. I promise to get this show back on the road as soon as possible. Thanks to everyone for their patience.
marbledog
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 4:18 am Post subject: |
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Just letting you know that i am here and reading. i want to do a proper read through though so i wont make any comments till then.
Keep up the good work - the style has really caught me up.
i think that you should be in HEM though not Skiff... but i am just biased
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 1:30 am Post subject: |
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I've just read this too. It's a very good story, and the humour is top notch! I hope you continue with it, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
I got Bob on you, Ne.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:02 am Post subject: |
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First a tiny bit of critique concerning the first bit of this great story
| Quote: | | 'Awkward' doesn't begin to describe the silence that followed. It was paraparetic. It was a Parkinsonian bull in a shop for osteoporitic china. The silence had a major cerebellar infarct. I felt bad about breaking it. |
Right, I guess your in the medical field. But for those of us who aren't, it might be helpful to use more common english words when they would do just as well. Like perhaps "it felt/was paralyzing" Instead of "it was paraparetic"
I'd say stroke instead of "infarct" but thats a slightly different meaning (ones cause and ones effect) and it would require major sentence restructuring etc. Well I'm not aiming to rewrite anyways(since its written well like I said) just give you a idea of what I mean.
On a similar note what does
| Quote: | | He had speared a wide receiver in the chest and twisted his neck on the way down |
Mean? How exactly did he twist his neck now? (I know little about football) He threw a football hard at someone then triped somehow because of it? Or was dave the "wide receiver"? (in which case this sentence confuses me)
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`
Some questions you might want to ask yourself for the future of this story.
What kind of help does dave want? Just answers? What exactly is his "problem" that he wishes solved as per the wording of poll option 3? Is he hoping for true death or true life again? At some point Jason will be wanting to talk about long term arrangments for Daves placement. Dave might want this discussion too if listlessness from lack of goals or anything else substansive in his unlife sets in.
Might Dave ever want to reconnect with any other friends or family from his life?
What is daves religion? If its a monotheism like his statement of believing in "god" indicates, might he be a bit uncomfortable practicing "the occult"? (well from a monotheistic PoV anyways) Though you would think he would already have voiced any such issues. But his religion and that impact should play in somewhere. (saying a monotheistic prayer before a occult ceramony? )
Are you going to leave dave as the only supernatural element in a rather ordinary story? I think that would be good. The contrast between the general ordinariness of everything else in the story and Daves "condition" adds a fair amount of charm to the story.
Which brings us to the ritual the polls suggest so far. If thats the way it goes.. Perhaps nothing happens out of the ordinary. As per the usual of Victoria's or anyone elses religious ceramonies. A mostly unclear let down except..
Something small happens. Something they can't even agree whether it was supernatural or coincidence or even if it really happened. Moreless the meaning of it if it was supernatural.
Otherwise they could try regular prayer with same results.. but considering she's already arrived under this context..
And some strange thing in daves past that may or may not explain his current condition might be interesting.
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hopesfallyn
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:56 am Post subject: |
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i really like the story so far. im not that comfortable with offering advice/comments here yet, but i think the concept is brilliant, and the characters are more rounded than you would normally see in two chapters.
this is the first really funny story i've read here. good job
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:28 am Post subject: |
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Brilliant.
Simply brilliant.
What to do now... I have absolutely no idea.
I'll get back to you soon though.
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 10:12 am Post subject: |
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Well, there's always the option of 'reveal Dave as a zombie to the public and see how many supporters you can get'.
Although that would probably get as many people against them as for them, so they should start on the internet or something. Make him a Myspace, get a big enough fanbase, work from there. If you can bring this to the attention of enough people, who knows what'll happen?
And in the meantime, | Quote: | | If I were you, Id find a nice secluded place and stock up on supplies and ammunition. Its going to get pretty nasty soon. |
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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Hilarious!!! Great chapter!
What to do next? I think stocking up on ammunition is a good idea.. although what KIND of ammunition? I think a trip to a mystic store is in order.. and perhaps a run in with some "Wytches".. who may know more about actual witches..
As for Dave and his ultimate fate? That's a toughie for the moment.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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While the good humor is present in this latest 'chapter' like the rest, I hate the direction. Exactly where I was hoping it wouldn't go. Big event melodrama, heavy use of stereotypes (aside from the humor), partial breaking of the real/surreal veil that added so much charm to the story. I suppose this was the backstory you had planned from the beginning though right?
Its also strongly resembles "Wrath" by Chinaren in a few ways. Kinda turned off on this story now. But I'll still check in ever so often and see what it does and maybe provide input.
As far as daves fate, the only reason you wouldn't want to live forever is if the life you were living sucks. If he can find or already has something &/or company that gives his live meaning and/or occupy his mind in any satisfying way.. why would he want to die for real?
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Its also strongly resembles "Wrath" by Chinaren in a few ways. Kinda turned off on this story now. |
Wrath is Bad Thing? 
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Well it might not be my cup of tea, but more importantly it seemed all wrong for the more original content before that last chapter. Its not personal Chinaren
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marbledog
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 6:12 pm Post subject: |
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Poll is up! Due to your own clever selves, I think we have some pretty interesting options this time around. Your decision here will significantly affect the story arc, so... as always... do your damnedest!
Thanks to everyone who voted for "Conversations" for SGotM!
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marbledog
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Chinaren wrote: | | Quote: | | Its also strongly resembles "Wrath" by Chinaren in a few ways. Kinda turned off on this story now. |
Wrath is Bad Thing? |
For the record, being likened to Chinaren's work is never a bad thing.
(Yes, this is blatant flattery. Take it where you can get it. )
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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| marbledog wrote: |
(Yes, this is blatant flattery. Take it where you can get it. ) |
Oh I will. ~Wallows in flattery~
...and voted, just so it's not totally 
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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Ooops. Tied it for ya there.
This is in all a very good SG. Love the humor, love the plot (Though the more depressing side of me sees this story heading to a less humorous situation) and above else, love the chicken.
A couple of minor mistakes in there, that would've slipped through word check. Nothing serious.
what you've done here is quite amazing. You've done more at IF in 25 posts than some people (i.e. me) have done in maybe ten, heck hundred times that much.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 11:54 am Post subject: |
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I voted to be proactive. I wouldn't want to sit around waiting for some witches to try to end the world and take the word of a deamon that "something is being done about it".
But with the addendum that I would gather more information about whats going on before acting. A viral undead dave story is not likely to be believed and may draw unwanted attention to dave. To find out who these witches are, what they are doing and whether the deamon was being truethful about them.. Gather such proofs then try to use that to gather support.
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The Meaning Of Fear
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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Uck! Too late to change my vote. What purp said has made me change my mind... but oh well.
Since the new chapter won't be anytime soon, let's liven this SG up a bit by triple tying the poll.
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Cherish all your memories, even the bad ones, for they are what makes you who you are.
Doors to the truth, an SG where a boy is propelled into worlds he is unfamiliar with. He crosses many worlds, and sees many things that force him to throw away his innocence, once, and for all. Fourth Chapter, out for viewing!
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:59 am Post subject: |
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Well, just to annoy you, I've managed to tie it three ways. Good luck.
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marbledog
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:55 am Post subject: |
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| Poll is closed, and "esoteric defense" eked it out. Update soon!
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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Just caught up but missed the vote. Hilarious!!!
Here and waiting for the next chapter...
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scissorkitty
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| Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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Crap! I missed the poll. Ah well, I look forward to being surprised! This is a hilarious SG..
(..and I miss Wrath, C-ren! Hop to, good.. er... orange creature!  )
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| Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 2:41 am Post subject: |
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Where is the story?
Edit: nevermind I found it. Will reply soon
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:32 am Post subject: |
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I'm not entirely sure you should have all the comments in a separate thread. It means people can't refer to the story as much as they would like, and comments for different chapters tend to merge a bit.
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ethereal_fauna
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| Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: |
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Caught up on this storygame, and I do hope that it continues.
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The maker of a sentence launches out into the infinite and builds a road into Chaos and old Night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: |
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*pokes* Hehe. It's a Fauna.
I don;t know whether this is continueing or not. Dog doesn't seem to have posted anything in a while.
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Alegria
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| Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 10:48 am Post subject: |
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Fauna's back!!!!!!!
Haven't seen you in a while!
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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*nudges marbledog* You might want to wake up and do a update. Who knows how long you can keep your own forum for this with no updates, but I wouldn't push it either. Maybe hes just too busy with school or something.
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:16 am Post subject: |
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He told me some time ago that RL had overwhelmed him, and he wouldn't be back for some time. 
It may be worth getting the Mayor to put this in statis and send him a PM to that effect.
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Neil Hartley Books.
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TruePurple
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| Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:32 am Post subject: |
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Well, our mayor NNG, also seems to be in stasis, she seems to be suffering the same disease. So I don't know how that will work.
*cries out to the heavens that someday they find a cure for that dreaded disease known affectionately as RL*
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Adventures of John Chapter 2. I am working to update chapter 1 before I close poll and write chapter 3.
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Reiso
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| Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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Aw, man, I really like this, too bad it's on hiatus. That's the second time this week I found something I really like only to find it falling behind. Eh, I suppose that is what I get for being gone for so long.
But yeah, like everyone else is saying, natural writing style, great sense of timing, real punchy dialogue... all good. I hope to see more of this soon!
As for what they should do, I hate to say it, but I agree with the demon. They should throw a lot of deodorant at Dave, find somewhere well fortified and stock up on ammo. Of course, on his budget, that probably isn't gonna be just that easy, so... I don't know. He mentioned the year 1350-ish, maybe they should look up their history and see if there is anything useful in the European records.
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Sector 17 -- Rebuilding... ... ...
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter--bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter
And because it is my heart." -- Stephen Crane
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