City of IF

Vishal Muralidharan · Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF!

Loved the chapter!!! I came to the computer half-asleep and this woke me up fully. :P

DP--> Unless we have some supernatural powers, there is NO WAY three humans are going to infiltrate into a kingdom filled with people who are trained to kill them. We need a good plan, and (hopefully) get some of Spade's friends or tribe members are people who would help him and then infiltrate.

In the current situation, we don't know how many men Radan sent, how many are at the palace, and if the men that were sent can return to the palace before we make our way there.

So, try to talk her out of it FOR NOW, while preparing to launch an infiltration when we have a better chance.

Andolyn · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:05 pm Post subject:

now you need to go read the original in Linear. ;)

personally, i like my original of this scene better. haha!

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

I like the original better too. Barden really doesnt do much by hiding. So I felt there was no point of him going back. Technically, seeing that we would have anyway learnt that Andolyn is a princess at the end of the chapter, Barden going out just seemed a bit unnecessary. Also, the story seemed to go a bit faster.

IMHO, This chapter was really really good, but doesnt meet the standards you've set. ;)

Andolyn · Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:19 pm Post subject:

yes...this is a critical scene...for later events as well. it was truly painful to write it this way knowing what my other option would have been. haha!

The White Blacksmith · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 2629

Andolyn wrote:

“No,” Andolyn shook her head, “He’s hunting me because of what I know.” Her comrades looked at her with questions in their eyes. “I was exploring the castle one day as I often did, when I stumbled across the hall of records. I love history, and since I was going to rule the country one day, I saw no harm in doing a bit of research. What I found though would tear this country apart.” Now both men were leaning towards her in anticipation. “The Hallams are not the true rulers of Ardara. They took power years ago, and killed anyone who dared to protest, so now no one speaks of it. It’s a scandal that reaches from the smallest cottage to the very roots of the Monarchy, and only the oldest of the old know who the true rulers were. The Hallams killed them all and anyone who was loyal to them.”

Spade, uncomfortably familiar with the story remained in thoughtful silence, but Barden was sure his brain must be leaking out of his ears by now from the massive explosion that was consuming every idea he had ever thought about his homeland. “Wait—so if the Hallams are not the true royal family…who is?”

Ah-ha! Spotted this, and so I'm just guessing Spade is either a member of the ousted royal family or very close to someone who is. I'm also guessing that Barden has no clue, which could lead to some very interesting conflict between them when we finally find out.

Note, I'm not going to read the original until after this one's complete - don't want to spoil anything!

For the DP, I F5 Vish on going to gather support. We don't need and shouldn't get lots of people - would make it much harder to infiltrate with a large band, unless we come up with a very good disguise and excuse. But if Spade's experienced in the more rogue-ish aspects of this world, a couple more like him will make it a lot easier to sneak in.

Andolyn · Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:29 am Post subject:

teehee, how very observant, Whitey. ;)

in case you just want to though, i'm not passing the SG with the original. i'll be posting chapter by chapter as i'm doing now, so you wouldnt be reading anything new...just different. the only difference in Chapter 1 is that i threw in the prologue and author's note...chapter 2 is where we've begun to seriously deviate...personally, i'm not happy with the result...but then again, i might be a bit biased. ;)

Mattheus · Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 51 Location: Sydney, Australia

I think they should get in touch with those friends of hers that helped her escape maybe they can help to give an idea of what is happening in the castle and surrounds and how much more "inside" help they can get before charging in and taking over.

Tikanni Corazon · Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:46 am Post subject:

Yet another fab chapter, Andi! And, yeah, I spotted that line of Spade's too, and was much intrigued. ;)

For the DP...I would have gone with most of the others, and said to try and gather an army of people to lay siege to the castle. But upon thinking about it, and so that you have another dp option, see if they can find one of these 'oldest of the old' that Andolyn mentioned, someone who might know something about the rightful rulers of the kingdom, without them having to put themselves in danger just yet. Maybe once they have that information they could go and find any living heirs to the throne...if they haven't already that is. ;)

Looking forward to the next one already! :)

Thunderbird · Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:23 am Post subject:

I like the plot backwork going on here. Finally we see what we're now all about. Great reveal.

I wonder if you may have struggled with the way the DP flowed due to having such a preconceived concept of how to arrange the scenes to this delivery. Perhaps it may have worked better to force the confrontation on us anyhow - perhaps the riders may have just caught a glimpse of motion and tracked us down FORCING Barden to hold them off. There are usually ways around such things for the author especially when we generally only determine the character's decisions - not the success or failure of such decisions.

But I'm not by any stretch of the imagination disappointed with this chapter at all. Andolyn showed a measure of character development as did Barden and I'm ever so tickled with the court intrigue.

I certainly don't think that charging willy nilly into the hall of records is a good idea. There must be a better way. Perhaps we can find someone to hire to get in there... or perhaps there are other sources of finding out that information. Things have a way of slipping under the notice of conspirators. I suggest they visit an old haunt of Spade's - perhaps an inn off the beaten track, to try to get some third party information first. Rumor may well have circulated through the underworld and been passed in hushed whispers as legend.

Andolyn · Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:43 pm Post subject:

T, the fact that you used the word "tickled" actually made me giggle. lol! i'm glad you liked it! i assume you read the original? you can see the difference in flow easily. haha! i could have been sneaky with this one...but i chose to go with it for the purpose of letting you see the difference...and seeing if i could rise to the challenge of "messing" with my beloved story. lol!

that being said...i probably will get sneaky with this next one if need be...this is another crucial direction point to get us where we need to be. ;)

this chapter was tricky because somehow Barden HAD to hear the soldiers speaking in order to come to the confrontation with Andolyn in the clearing. if they had been able to escape and nothing come from it, she might well have chosen to keep quiet a while longer.

i hope everyone continues to enjoy the read!!

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:30 am Post subject: I Think.......

*Nods in approval* This is definately heating up. I can see the web beginning to glisten behind the scenes.

Now, this may sound like I'm tearing into you a bit, but please understand, I'm not trying to!

2 big notes. First being your reluctance to deviate from your original. I have to say, it shows for me big time. I swear I could hear you chewing your own right ear off during the deviation. The sound makes it difficult to really enjoy the words before my eyes. Now, I must say, I know how you feel. on NNS when it was pointed out how slow the story goes, I was almost beside myself trying to figure out how to pick up pace. I almost ended up cutting out some story to reach the next conflict, but insted I gave myself some time to come to terms with what I needed to do, and ended up with a nice addition that really helps with understanding my main character. I know what it's like to have somthing fixed in my mind and then have these silly peoples here on IF throw me a curve ball.....*Points at DD and the Bartender issue*

So, just a suggestion. Next time it comes to a point where you feel your heart/mind baulk at the DP result set in front of you, give yourself some more time. Forget your finished story for a while, and re-read the SG version. Drag your mind away from what 'is', and focus more on what 'could be'. I believe it will improve this story imensly.

Second note. Again, no offence ment, but I'm loseing the feeling here...Each scene is well described, and all relevent points are adressed, but over all, the heart is faltering. Not just this chapter, but the one before it too. Even though she trembled, and cried, I just couldn't feel it. Lines like... " Barden's concern for Andolyn was evident" just don't cut if you with your readers to empathize with the characters. I feel, that you throw lines like that throughout every chapter far too often. Rather then describe just how the emotion looks on the face of the one feeling it, or popping inside the mind/heart of the character to get the feeling across, you rely too much on the reader to fill in the emotional gaps such phrases bring about. At times, it feels more like a s cribe writing the story then the talented author I know is behind your keyboard. This may be in part to your reluctance to deviate, but I sense it's a little more then that. I know SGing is supose to be fun, but I feel you may be taking this a little lightly.

I know that when I began here, the concept of submitting to another persons, or collection of persons, whim and fancy scared the hell out of me. But now that I've let go a bit, I find my writing improveing, and my heart is feeling more free in it's endevors to express itself. :lol: My spelling still may be crap, but there are a few more words that are ingrained into my mind thanks to my fellow IFians! *Minute for example* :lol:

*Bows* I really do enjoy the story. Don't get me wrong, I love the way things are going, and I by no means want to discourage you from writing this. *Looks around sheepishly* I may be off my nut with these certiques, but then again, my fingers are just moveing, and I'm helpless when it comes to them expressing themselves.

From the deepest depths of my authors heart, I wish you best of luck, and pray you can take something of use from my rantings above and put them to use. *Bows*

NOW! On to the DP!......I believe a long talk in in order. She's only said she's going to stop running. Doesn't mean she's got a full scale war in mind, just some sort of revenge/rebellion, or maybe not even that. But, all that aside, I think she needs to asses her companions. She'll want to know everyhting. If she's to trust them, she needs to know how loyal they will be, why they would be so, and what can the contribute to her goals. Falling to a knee like that is a good sign, but you never know. They need to spill, and spill now. As a princess, I figure there should be at least a little well of authority she can call upon to at least make her feel like she's not just some helpless girl, and the princess she's meant to be!

Well, there's my 2 cents. Keep up the good work!

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: But, all that aside, I think she needs to asses her companions.

Ah.... Its ASSESS. Asses are something else, Pope :lol:

Andolyn · Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 4:33 pm Post subject:

BAAAAHAHAHA!!!

sorry for the delay everyone. new job. it's been crazy. but i love it =) new chapters will be up here and in Color TONIGHT.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:50 am Post subject: Poll

Does everyone see the polling here?

Vishal Muralidharan · Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF!

Oops... I caused a tie. :wacko:

Andolyn · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:53 pm Post subject:

i'm so sorry guys...i was gone out of the country for 2 weeks & now i'm in the hospital...it's been a bit nuts around here. =P i'll try to get something up since my fiance brought me my laptop. again...sorry for delays!

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:17 pm Post subject: Post

You'll have your hands full with that one. A three way tie :P

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

It WAS a two way tie... I levelled it :P

Andolyn · Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:50 am Post subject:

thank you SO much, Vikas... :roll: hahaha!! it shouldnt be a problem. i think i'll actually mostly revert to the original on this one since the original falls to all 3 eventually. ;) thanks for your patience guys. the doctors are hoping i'll get to go home tomorrow. =P

Thunderbird · Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:40 pm Post subject:

We'll all be happy to have you back more regularly An!

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

:yeah:

Andolyn wrote: thank you SO much, Vikas... Roll

:ahem:

Andolyn · Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:28 pm Post subject: Ch. 3 pt 1

sorry again for the massive delay on this chappie. for that, instead of having a DP at the end of this one, i'm going to post another chappie in quick succession. the DP for the last chapter was a 3 way tie between going to find the eldest, getting help, and finding Barden & Spade's loyalty. all three will be addressed here, but it will be a softer turn. see what you think!

*****

“Well then,” Spade stood to his feet as well, “we’d better get some rest. It’s a long way to Darbinshire.”

Andolyn looked at him in horror. “NO! I couldn’t possibly ask that of you! You’ve done so much for me already.”

To end her protests, Barden grabbed her into another bear hug. “We went over this already, Princess. You’re ours now, and that means we keep you safe.”
Andolyn buried her face in Barden’s warm shoulder, enjoying the embrace.

“Besides!” Spade laughed, “My face is plastered right alongside yours on every wanted poster from here to Handunburg!”

“Then Darbinshire it is!” Andolyn laughed too in disbelief. “We can go through Bridlestrom. It’s the shortest distance between the here and there.” Andolyn knew there was one there who could answer some questions as well.

“You know, I have an old friend there in Darbinshire,” Spade pondered as he prepared for a restful evening. “A blacksmith...He’s the one who dreamed up my friends here,” he said, fondly flipping a few of his cards over in his hands.

Andolyn nodded then went to Barden who was gingerly removing his shirt. “Let me see that,” she ordered. The princess frowned as she ran her elegant fingers over the still bleeding wound on the musician’s chest. “Stay right here.” With that, she disappeared into the woods behind them only to reemerge moments later with several strange looking leaves clutched in her hand. She knelt before Barden and crushed the leaves between her palms. “This is an old trick a good friend of mine in Bridlestrom taught me. It might sting a little bit.”

After wiping away the blood from his well defined chest, Andolyn gently rubbed the ointment from the leaves over the wound, and Barden winced. Andolyn ripped a piece of cloth from her cloak and wrapped it around his upper torso.

“There. That should do,” Andolyn smiled up at Barden.

“Alright kiddos,” Spade’s smooth voice came from behind them. “I’m taking first watch,” he looked at the two on the ground like a parent addresses disobedient children when they tried to argue. “You are hurt,” he pointed to Barden, “and you, little Miss, are royalty, so you’ll take my tent.”

Andolyn glared at him then laughed when he glared right back. Barden didn’t offer much complaint, but instead he obediently entered his tent and was fast asleep within minutes. Andolyn, on the other hand, lingered outside with Spade.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She stood next to him and joined him in staring up at the starry sky. “I hate to be inconvenient…”

“Yes, Princess,” he took her thin shoulders in his hands, looking directly into her eyes. “I will be just fine,” he promised, “Look what a beautiful roof I’ll have to sleep under tonight!”

Andolyn wrapped her arms around Spade, and he gladly returned the gesture. She then turned and quickly kissed his cheek.

“What was that for?” Spade asked, taken slightly off guard.

“That was for being one of the best friends I have in this world,” Andolyn replied before giving him one more small squeeze and turning to go to his tent. Just before she closed the flap she poked her head out and whispered, “Goodnight, Spade.”

“Sweet dreams, Princess,” came the whispered reply as Spade settled himself against a fallen log for the first watch.

Andolyn was overwhelmed by the events of the last day. It began with her running for her life as so many days had begun for her over the last year and a half, and it ended with her lying in a tent, being cared for by two of the most incredible men she could ever have dreamed to meet. She knew she didn’t deserve anything they had done for her, and that made her love them all the more. Two large tears of joy rolled off Andolyn’s face and onto the pillow as the princess drifted to sleep with the sounds of Barden’s soft snoring and Spade’s even softer humming serenading her into those sweet dreams she had thought were gone forever.

*****
Chapter 3: Scratch That…To Bridlestrom!

“WHAT??” Prince Radan was furious. “You let her escape AGAIN??" He rubbed his forehead impatiently. “Bring Roselyn to me,” he hissed, “if anyone in this blasted place knows where she’s headed, it’s that girl.”

Roselyn entered the room with her hands on her hips and a smug grin on her porcelain face. “What do you want?” she demanded impatiently, “If you’re wanting me to tell you about Andolyn, I haven’t heard from her in weeks, and I have no idea where she’s going or what she’s doing. Really, Radan, you need a hobby. You’re getting to be predictable.” Roselyn settled herself into the prince’s chair. “And what about your pet, Willand? Can’t he find her? He’s supposedly the assassin of assassins, yet one teenage girl is able to outwit him? Tisk tisk…”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that...And get out of my chair!!” Radan turned on her in a rage. “I’m the future king of Ardara, you know!”

Roselyn yawned, hiding the laugh that glittered in her chocolate eyes. “In case you’ve forgotten, Radan, your bride happens to be missing,” he turned, glaring at her, but she continued as if she didn’t notice, “And that means you are no longer in the running for king—your little brother is. Do you know what that makes me, Radan? That makes me your future Queen. So, yes, I may speak to you however I wish.” With that, Princess Roselyn stood, flipped her short golden curls in Radan’s direction and made her way to the door. “If you have nothing of interest to talk to me about, I will be going.”Radan strode towards her as if to start speaking, but before he could, Roselyn was out the door. “Good day, Radan!”

The furious prince stood, speechless and fuming, but utterly harmless. Roselyn glided down the corridor, leaving several servants who had been listening at the door giggling as they went about their business.

*****

Spade started awake as the sun crested the trees. Dangit, I fell asleep! He thought frantically as he looked sleepily around the camp. He was soon hit with the scent of meat cooking…and was that eggs? Upon trying to get up, Spade found that one of his thick blankets had been thrown over him. It was warm and comfortable, so he decided to stay put. Wait, since when had sleeping on a log been comfortable? Would you look at that? A pillow too? Now he was curious. Spade sat up and turned around. Andolyn was leaned over a roaring fire, busily flipping something in one of Barden’s frying pans. Upon hearing him stir, the princess turned with a bright smile.

“Morning!” she said happily. “Breakfast is almost ready. I was just about to wake Barden.”

“Barden’s awake,” the taller of the two men stretched as he came out of his tent. “That glorious smell woke me.” He sat eagerly across from Andolyn, and in the now usual fashion, Spade sat next to her.

“I found a nest in the forest,” Andolyn’s smile couldn’t have been bigger, “And the rabbits are everywhere!”

“You went in the forest alone?” Barden scolded.

“Relax, I didn’t have to go far,” the princess’s mood would not be tainted.

The trio ate in silence aside from the frequent compliments from both of the hungry males in the party. When they’d finished, they sat watching the strange crimson clouds fill the sky.

“Hmm…” Spade frowned, “Strange weather.” Andolyn rolled her eyes.

“Eh, It’s only Rocas,” she sighed heavily. “He must be in one of his moods. When he gets upset, everything around him shifts to meet his mood.” She thought for a moment. “I’ll just bet he has a stomach ache again. Yeah, I can see it now…he’s shuffling into Roselyn’s room (he’s the only thing that can manipulate Roselyn) and he’s looking at her with those big, blue, puppy dog eyes, and she’s probably stroking his hair to make her ‘honey bunches’ feel better…”

It was at this point that the two young men listening, who Andolyn had actually forgotten for the moment, could no longer control their laughter.

“Honey Bunches??” Barden gasped.

“Never again will I be intimidated by that boy!!” Spade was in tears.

Andolyn laughed with them, and for the first time in a long time, she forgot why she was running in the first place. She didn’t remember the fear of what was pursuing her, and in that moment, it didn’t matter. She was just a teenage girl laughing alongside two of her best friends just like any normal teenage girl would be doing. That was just the thing though: Andolyn wasn’t just a normal teenage girl, and the dangers that followed her weren’t as simple as a whining boy and an annoying past, they were real and terrifying…but thanks to two young men and the comfort and protection they provided her, in that moment—for Andolyn Grace—that’s all her nightmares were: Petty annoyances.

“So Spade,” Barden looked to his long time friend. “That was an awfully long first shift.” Spade’s sheepish grin sent the message clearly. He never intended for there to be a second shift. Andolyn laughed then sighed, leaning her head back on the log.

“I’m just going to bet you were the one to donate the pillow and blankets, “Spade shoved her lightly. Andolyn nodded proudly.

The three lay lazily in the grass for a few moments before Andolyn remembered.

“Barden, let me change your bandages.”

“I’m pretty sure there isn’t much to change,” he said, pulling at the knot in the cloth. “I’m a quick healer, and whatever it was you put on there worked wonders.”
While Spade busied himself with packing, Andolyn filled a pot with water from a nearby stream and heated it over the fire. She unwrapped the binding she had made and examined the wound. Barden was right. Only a short red mark remained where the open wound had been the night before. Never the less, Andolyn cleaned it and reapplied a dressing.

When the girl had finished her “fussing over him” as he referred to it, Barden gently grabbed Andolyn’s left hand. He frowned; the cloth they had placed over the cut only last night was completely soaked in blood—fresh blood. Andolyn smiled nervously.

“Must be an infection,” she offered quietly.

Barden pulled away the bandages carefully. His frown deepened. Andolyn wanted to reach up and smooth the deep creases that hovered over those bottomless blue eyes. Barden continued to turn the girl’s hand back and forth. This caught Spade’s attention.

“What’s wrong?” he looked over Andolyn’s shoulder.

“I’m not sure,” Barden admitted.

“I’m fine, really,” Andolyn pulled her hand back and walked toward the forest. Spade drew in a breath and held it while he and Barden exchanged meaningful glances. He released the air in the form of a sigh then continued with the tents. Andolyn returned through the trees. She threw some herbs into the heated water and stirred the mixture. After pulling it off the fire and letting it cool for a moment, she dipped her injured hand into the water. She frowned, inhaling quickly as the water stung the wound. “It doesn’t hurt all that bad…” she commented to the onlookers. Andolyn struggled to tie the new piece of cloth around her hand while a fresh round of blood began quickly pouring from the cut.

“Here,” Spade dropped the blanket he was folding and took her hand and the cloth.

“I don’t like this, Princess,” Barden continued to frown while his graceful friend tied a small knot atop Andolyn’s slender hand. The girl went and crouched in front of Barden so they were at eye level from where he sat. She peered directly into his sapphire eyes with her emerald ones when she spoke.

“I am fine, Barden.” Her smile convinced him more than her words, though he still wasn’t completely sure he was ready to concede the argument. “Come on. Let’s help Spade get packed up.”

Thunderbird · Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:02 pm Post subject:

Wonderful to see some progress here :) Good tension builder in her injury there... I take it we're talking about some trace poison perhaps? Oh, and did you mean there to be a DP yet or after the next post? Quite interesting methodology being employed to end a chapter and begin another before ending with a DP - addresses some complaints voiced before about how chapters here seem to always have to end on cliffhangers. This method challenges that but also challenges our concept of 'chapters' in storygames, which isn't a bad thing.

The writing was excellent... very well edited and nicely paced. No complaints. The whole story grows with deeper intrigue. Well done and looking forward to more :)

Vikas Muralidharan · Joined: 29 Aug 2010 Posts: 600

This was really really good.... :)
I guess it WAS worth the wait after all... Im pretty amazed at how Andolyn is bleeding without a visible wound though.. anyway, looking forward to more

Andolyn · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:17 am Post subject: Ch. 3 pt 2

aaaas promised! and this one's really long too, so it should keep you all busy for awhile. ;)

*****

Within the hour, Spade, Barden, and Andolyn were off again. This time the journey would be shorter, however, the destination was far more perilous. From the well hidden clearing in which our heroes took refuge, Bridlestrom was a distance that on horseback would take an afternoon unless one was in a particular hurry, and traveling to Darbinshire would take a little over an hour from Bridlestrom. Our trio, however, was not in any particular hurry, and they would arrive in Bridlestrom late in the evening. The journey was relatively uneventful and was filled with Barden’s lively singing and Spade’s magic tricks that made Andolyn giggle like a child.

As the sun began sinking low in the evening sky, the peculiarly red clouds released buckets of chilling rain on the unsuspecting travelers. Andolyn’s & Spade’s matching golden hair turned the ebony color of Barden’s as they now had a reason for that particular hurry. Andolyn raised her hands and laughed aloud as the rain splashed with a thousand tiny kisses on her upturned cheeks. Barden and Spade couldn’t help the smiles that reflected from their warmed hearts as they observed the princess’s pure and seemingly inextinguishable joy.

*****

The streets of Bridlestrom were a soggy mess. The rain had beaten them there, and it seemed that it planned on staying for awhile. Bridlestrom was a seafaring town that had been the main centre of trade in Ardara for centuries. Rain was a common occurrence, which explained the ruts in the washed out roadways. Since Andolyn was most familiar with the small town, she led the way through the rows of cottage like buildings. At the end of one of the longer streets was a dirt road that led away from what would be the busier area and into a lightly wooded set of houses. Warm, cozy lights poured from the windows. As the soaked trio rode closer, a door opened and the figure of a tall man stood bathed in light.

“Good evening, Kayne!” Andolyn called cheerily through her chattering teeth.

“Andy??” the young man called back, now running forward. He helped the girl down from her mount then whistled for the stable boy as Barden and Spade dismounted and stood next to Andolyn uncertainly. “What in Heaven’s name are you doing here?” he took the girl by the shoulders and motioned to her friends. “Come inside before you catch pneumonia!”

“Who’s that, Kayne?” called a female voice. The tall man hurried off into what appeared to be the kitchen while Andolyn, Barden, and Spade stood dripping in the hallway. The smell of chicken and pumpkin pie made the boys’ stomachs rumble. Andolyn giggled.

“That’s Kayne; he’s my oldest cousin,” She smiled brightly. “You’re about to meet my family!” About that time, a thin, older woman with glasses came around the corner with Kayne on her heels.

“What are you doing here??” She fretted, “Don’t you know that wicked prince has every soldier in his army looking for you?”

“And why would he look for me here?” Andolyn countered, “Why would I hide in such an obvious location?” Just then, Spade shivered violently.

“Oh, dear,” the woman took his arm and dragged him into a large den, forgetting the almost argument she was having with her niece. She placed Spade in front of a roaring fire. Barden and Andolyn happily joined him. “Now then, you dears need anything, you just let ol’ Sissy know.” She smiled warmly then embraced Andolyn. “I am glad you’ve come home.” She wiped the tears from her eyes as she hurried out of the room back to the kitchen. Just then, another, more boisterous voice came down the hallway.

“When’s supper gonna be ready? I’ve got two hungry girls in here about to eat your pillows!!” Andolyn flashed her pearly teeth when she recognized the voice.

“It’s my cousin, Ciara,” she explained.

Barden and Spade glanced at each other, not knowing what to expect next. A sturdily built woman, merely a few years older than the princess rounded the corner and entered the den. She, like Andolyn was blonde though her hair was pulled back in an attractive style that suited her well. She couldn’t be considered small, but the young men perceived her to be very beautiful. She emanated an aura of fun and independence, and it was this quality that Barden found to be particularly attractive about her. “Well, hello there! What a surprise!!” she said when she spotted Andolyn. “When did you get here?”

Andolyn’s eyes glittered excitedly, “We got here a few minutes ago.” She ran forward and wrapped her arms around the woman.

“Wait,” Andolyn’s cousin eyed her suspiciously, “we?” It was then that she spied the two damp young men by the fire. “Well…hello there…” she winked at Andolyn who laughed aloud.

“These are my friends, Barden and Spade,” Andolyn went and stood next to them. Before the two could greet Ciara, another, much taller woman entered the room. She was thinner and had the same strikingly blonde hair as Ciara though hers had a much shorter cut to it. She too had a stunning beauty about her that seemed to Barden and Spade to be a pattern among the women of this household.

Squirming in the new woman’s arms was a small, dark haired, completely naked girl. The tall woman released the nude child who squealed with excitement as she ran around the room.

“That, I believe, belongs to you. I have to run catch mine before they burn the place down,” the newcomer pointed at the child before turning and exiting as quickly as she came.

“That’s my sister, Leane,” Ciara explained. “And this,” she grabbed the child as she made a pass around that side of the room, “is my daughter, Ava. She isn’t a fan of clothing.” Andolyn’s grin remained as big as her companions had ever seen. Ciara motioned to the couches beside them, “make yourselves comfortable, we’ll get you set up with some food and a warm bed here shortly.” Without another word, she, too, disappeared from the room leaving Barden, Andolyn, and Spade alone once more in the first moment of calm since they had entered the little house.

“Welcome to my family!” Andolyn shrugged sheepishly. Spade reclined on one of the couches with a satisfied smirk. Barden sat by the princess and began to play a relaxing tune on a guitar he found leaning on the wall. He also wore a happy smile that told Andolyn everything was perfect. Even the chaos they could hear coming from the kitchen just seemed to fit and add another bright touch to the place, but Andolyn waited impatiently to show her friends the most special person in the house. This person was responsible for bringing all the others together, and it was this person who projected the love that very literally glowed through every hallway and room. That person was in the back bedroom, but as always was in the forefront of Andolyn’s mind. That person was her grandmother.

*****

After eating until they were sure they would explode, Barden, Andolyn, and Spade sat staring at the fire. Andolyn stood and stretched.

“If you gentlemen will forgive me, I’m going to bathe. Make yourselves at home, and I will return shortly,” with that, she was gone.

Spade and Barden sat awkwardly on the couch. After Andolyn had been absent for a few moments, a burly little boy toddled into the room.

“Hey, little guy,” Barden held out his arms to the curly haired baby. Grinning, the boy was more than happy to take Barden up on his offer, though Barden was taken off guard by the child’s density. “Wow,” he marveled. Spade laughed.

From behind the couch, suddenly popped Ciara’s now fully clothed daughter. Without waiting for an invitation, the small girl climbed into Spade’s lap.

“I’m Myra,” the girl announced. “Who you?”

“Anthony Jenkins, Milady,” Spade took the child’s hand and kissed it lightly. “You may call me Spade.” Myra giggled. Just then, another girl, roughly Myra’s age, poked her head around the couch before quickly occupying Spade’s other knee.
This girl’s hair was the same golden blonde of many of the family’s women. Spade
repeated his introduction for the new girl.

“I Shaylee,” both girls covered their faces and giggled some more.

“Well, well, Spade,” teased Barden as he bounced the hefty toddler on his knee,
“Looks like you’re quite the ladies’ man!”

“Don’t be jealous!” Spade said smugly as he hugged the small girls to his sides.

“That’s my brother,” Shaylee declared, pointing to the curly headed child squealing on Barden’s knee. Soon, another, dark headed boy was eyeing Barden’s free leg.

“That’s Jax,” Myra informed them.

“Well, come on then,” Barden pulled the new one onto his lap. He looked at Spade, “I hope there aren’t too many more of these; I’m out of knees.” Barden was grateful that this boy was much thinner than the other. Spade glanced up to see Andolyn, now holding another hefty baby boy as she leaned against the doorway. The girl now wore a soft, floor length dress made of cotton. She laughed at the scene that had unfolded in her absence.

“I see you’ve made some new friends,” Her brilliant smile matched the sparkle in her emerald eyes. She sat in a rocking chair across from the couch full of people.
The pre-toddler in her lap leaned on Andolyn’s chest as she hummed a soft lullaby.

During a pause in her song, Andolyn’s cousin Ciara poked her head around the corner.

“There’s someone who wants to see you,” she smiled at Andolyn. The girl stood gracefully and handed the child to her cousin before running down the hallway. Ciara planted herself in the rocker where the princess had been. “That’s a special girl in there,” she stated. “She’s come through a lot.”

Spade nodded; his smile turned to a soft frown.

“We guessed that,” Barden’s tone was melancholy.

“She actually fell in love with him, you know,” Ciara’s downcast eyes, were as clear as Andolyn’s, only honey brown; they spoke far louder than the woman’s words. “He was her ‘Prince Charming’, and she adored him…” she trailed off, staring into the fire. “At first, we all were so happy, but the more we watched him, the more obviously different they both became. He’s a playboy. Andy wants a family. She’s a dreamer, and he’s satisfied with the way things are.”

Becoming bored, one by one, the children toddled off to other parts of the house. Spade and Barden listened intently while Ciara continued. “We all knew he wasn’t good enough for her, but she was blinded. Some of the things she put up with—I would have been gone long before she gave up. She loved him though, and she remained beside him for a long time. I don’t know what happened; she won’t even tell me, but I know she has good reason for her secrets.” The two young men nodded. Their Princess was courageous—taking on this task alone rather than endangering her family. “She doesn’t show her pain much, and only to people she trusts when she does. She’s always been fragile, so she tries to be tough. Andy’s had it hard from the time she was little with her health…now this…I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear my going on…”

“No,” Barden encouraged her, “We’ve only been travelling with the princess for a couple of days; it’s nice to learn a thing or two about her.” Ciara smiled.

“She’s the baby of all of us cousins…” Ciara’s expression was distant, remembering some fond memory of the past. “She’s the only one of us that’s adopted; she was brought here when she was a baby, but she’s one of us. Always has been.”

“She didn’t tell us she was adopted,” Spade spoke up for the first time. “She just refers to you all as her family.”

“Well,” Ciara’s smile grew larger, “that’s what we are.”

At that moment, Andolyn appeared in the doorway, her eyes twinkled in the reflected light of the fire. “Come on, guys!” she beamed, “there’s someone I want you to meet.” Barden and Spade were on their feet immediately. They followed the girl to the end of the hallway where a small bedroom opened up to the left. Inside, there was of course a bed, and beside it in a rocking chair sat a woman of about seventy years of age. Her eyes were identical to Andolyn’s. If they had not just been told otherwise by Ciara, they would have thought the two to be directly related. The bright sparkle in those eyes mixed with the laugh that rang through the room washed over them with a wave of warmth and love. It was easy to see the profound influence this person had had on the young woman.

“Come in! Come in!” the aged woman laughed. “My little Andy speaks very highly of you two.”

Spade bowed low and Barden did the same, but the woman, like her granddaughter, would have none of that.

“Ah-Ah-Ah!” she scolded. “I’m Grandma to you two, and you don’t bow to a grandma; you hug her.” Both young men gladly did as they were told. Andolyn, beaming once again, had placed herself comfortably across from the woman on the large bed and motioned for her friends to do likewise.

When they were seated comfortably, and after Grandma gave each of them a piece of candy, she asked them about their journey. She listened intently as Andolyn (who did most of the talking) vividly described the trip so far. Her musical laugh would grace them every time something amused her. Andolyn couldn’t help but elaborate the heroics of her friends ever so slightly, but Barden noticed that she conveniently left out the part about her hand. The truth was, Andolyn had forgotten it. In the warmth and happiness of being with her family again, the sting of the prince’s wound didn’t cross the girl’s mind. When she had finished, Grandma talked for awhile. Mostly she spoke about the great-grandbabies and their antics, but also about true love and her experiences as a young woman. It was these very talks that had shaped much of the way Andolyn perceived the world. Though they had been conversing for hours, it seemed to the travelers to have been but a short time. Then Grandma paused. She looked at Andolyn with a frown.

“Doll, what’s that on your knee?” the aged woman’s sparkle dimmed ever so slightly. Andolyn looked down. Blood from her hand had seeped through the bandages again though this time it was worse than before.

“I must have spilled something during dinner…excuse me…” Andolyn stood and quickly exited the room. Spade and Barden frowned at one another. Spade nodded then stood and followed the girl. Barden stayed with Grandma, and after an awkward pause, she continued talking. She told Barden several stories of the princess’s not-so-elegant life before the castle that made him laugh.

“…one time, when Andolyn was very small, her pajamas were dirty, so she was wearing one of her grandpa’s white shirts. For her, it was a dress. Well, there was a mirror hanging in the hallway. She could see herself, and in the sweetest little voice she said, ‘I am just a little angel, aren’t I?’” the old woman paused to laugh. “She wasn’t being proud; she was just saying what was true! Just…just sweet,” she smiled at Barden. He too couldn’t help but smile. He pictured a little girl with blonde curls twirling in front of a tall mirror, imagining little wings from her shoulder blades. “And that’s why she’s my little Angel.”

*****

Spade found Andolyn on the front porch. She was leaned protectively over her injured hand. As he came closer, to his horror, Spade could see the blood that Andolyn was attempting to catch in her good hand. When she heard him approaching, Andolyn looked up with tears in her eyes.

“It hurts,” she confessed, “and just when everything was going so well.” Spade felt like crying himself though he hid it well. He examined her hand quickly before grabbing a handkerchief to wrap it with. They needed to stop the bleeding.

“Is there a physician here?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“Yes,” her reply was barely audible. “Down at the port.” Spade looked out through the rain as if expecting to see someone coming to help.

“Alright,” he sighed, hiding his almost frantic thoughts from the already frightened girl. “Let’s go get Barden and you show us where this doctor is.” He put his arm around the girl and led her back through the house.

“Wait,” Andolyn went into a small room on the right of the hallway. Spade stood in the doorway watching her. This room had belonged to her. The walls were a light shade of sea foam blue with a beautiful seascape painted as a mural along one of them. Spade guessed correctly that it was the Princess’s handy work. He watched as the girl hurriedly shoved a few changes of clothing and some other small things into a bag. She then disappeared into a small side room for a moment before emerging in a plain cotton shirt and a pair of worn blue jeans. Her long hair was now tied in a mess of curls. Andolyn nodded to him then grabbed a long, heavy coat with a hood. The two made their way to the back bedroom.

“…and that’s why she’s my little angel,” Grandma was just finishing a story.

“I’m so sorry, Grandma, but we have to be going.” Andolyn pretended nothing was wrong.

“So late?” the aged woman looked concerned.

“I’m afraid so,” Andolyn continued.

“There’s someone we simply must see tonight,” Spade covered for her with the most charming smile he could muster.

While Andolyn embraced her grandmother, Spade motioned to Barden then held up the bloodstained cloth he had removed from the girl’s hand. Barden stood solemnly, and with quick goodbyes to the rest of the family and promises of returning soon, the trio headed back out into the chilling rain.

*****

What's happening now?? are we going ahead with the plan to go to the doctor or does Andolyn stay behind with her family while the boys go? other options?

Tikanni Corazon · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 10:51 am Post subject:

Ah, here's the dp. ;P

Another very good chapter, Andi! A small break from the action, and into a much cozier, familiar setting that I think Andolyn needs right now. Loved the part where her family were being introduced. It was very well done, and it just had such a warm feel to it.

For the dp, I have to say, I'd like spend a little more time with her family before running off again. As Spade's face is also known, and likely Barden's now too, I think they should entrust the information to another member of Andolyn's family and they can go get the doctor. Maybe Kayne. He's a local, and knows his way around. If Andolyn doesn't want to worry the rest of her family, he will likely respect her wishes, and quite possibly agree with her on them. As much as I hate to admit it, we women aren't overly good at keeping such things to ourselves, especially if we're worried. ;)

So send Kayne to get the doc, while Andolyn remains there. Though maybe they should prepare to scarper, just in case the doctor himself can't be trusted to keep quiet.

Looking forward to the next one already, Andi! :)

Andolyn · Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 11:48 pm Post subject:

BUMP!! no one seems to have opinions on this one...

Andolyn · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:18 am Post subject:

siiiince i only got one reply to this DP...i think i'll go ahead with another chappie. enjoy!

*****

Spade held Andolyn's elbow as he steered her out of the house and into the pouring rain. He felt the girl trembling in his hands. She was losing strength fast. He locked gazes with Barden.

The message was clearly received by the tall musician. Spade's eyes were clear and intense. He was worried, as Barden had never seen his friend worry.

On the way to the stables, the trio met Kayne, dark, and dripping wet. He looked puzzled at the sight of them.

"Where are you going?" he spotted Andolyn's hand. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

Barden sighed before giving Kayne a brief synopsis of the encounter with the soldiers in the meadow. "...she needs to see a doctor," he finished.

Kayne grabbed his "little cousin"s hand, frowning. "Bring her in here," he motioned to the stables, "I'll bring Damien." With that, he was gone.

The three of them stood in the rain for a moment, staring after the dark man as he rode away. Andolyn shivered. Her vision was steadily becoming cloudy, though she couldn't tell if it was from the rain hitting the hot ground or just her eyes. If it weren't for Spade's strong grip on her arm, the princess would have wondered if she were standing up or falling.

In truth, Andolyn had begun to fall. As she collapsed, Spade pulled her onto himself and attempted to remain standing with her in his arms.

"Barden!!" he cried. The musician instantly scooped the princess up and ran into the stables where there was a bench over by a wall. Spade, blood smeared on his shirt, followed silently.

"I hope Kayne gets here quickly..." Barden's concern was masked, but his fear was rising to a point where he was sure he'd choke on it.

Ten excruciating minutes passed before Kayne returned. During that time, Andolyn had turned ghostly white and was barely breathing. Blood poured from the newly reopened cut on the back of her left hand, and Barden was beginning to get frantic. He kept his thoughts to himself, but he could barely stand to look at the girl lying beside him looking cold as death.

Finally, Kayne reappeared with an older gentleman behind him. The man was tall and graying with a close cut beard circling his chin. Glasses were a barrier to his piercing grey eyes. He took one look at the girl on the bench before turning and walking back towards the door. Over his shoulder, he called,

"Bring her to my office, she needs more than I can give her here," here he turned to Kayne. "You stay here. Keep the image with your family that nothing's wrong. Don't want to go worrying that jewel of a grandmother of yours." Kayne nodded and retreated. Barden and Spade hurriedly packed up the horses, Spade placing Andolyn's new belongings on her horse, and they followed the old doctor down to his portside home and office.

*****

“Gawain, it’s absolutely perfect!” the prince was absolutely thrilled with himself, sitting down to dine. His guard stood beside him, listening in disgust and horror as his master droned on and on about his brilliance. “By now, she will have reached the bleeding phase. The wound will try to cleanse itself by getting rid of any liquid around it. For her, it will be painful and uncomfortable, but she will survive this portion of the illness. The next will be a period of latency during which, the wound will appear to heal. She might even forget she was hurt in the first place, foolish girl, but just when she thinks she will get over it, the most deadly phase will strike! Ah, Gawain, it’s sheer genius!”

“Is there an antidote?” the soldier ventured to ask.

"Oh of course there is!” the prince’s chuckle made Gawain uncomfortable. The arrogant prince patted his chest, revealing the antidote’s location, “but I’m the only one who possesses it, and that is part of the beauty! You see, her ignorant little friends can try all they want to protect her from my men, but I’ve gotten to her already! HAHA! She is dying inside and there is nothing they can do to save her!”

Gawain could take no more. He excused himself from the room and almost ran down the long corridor; all the way he could hear the prince’s sick laughter. It was up to him now. Gawain would have to find a way to steal that antidote and get it to the young men that protected the princess if she would live through the next few months.

*****

When Andolyn opened her eyes, she was laying in the softest bed she had been privileged with in a long time. She looked around and saw simple decorations—mostly scientific charts and one framed page from an ancient copy of the Bible—and piles of “organized clutter” that seemed oddly familiar to her, but it was when she looked down to her sides that Andolyn smiled softly. She ran her hand through Spade’s golden hair on her left and Barden’s thick ebony locks on her right.

“They’ve been there since they brought you in. It was hard to work with their constant hovering. They finally fell asleep about an hour ago.” Andolyn sat up to see the owner of the new voice, careful not to wake her sleeping guardians. “You were merely suffering from some slight blood loss from that nasty gash on your hand. A few stitches and some rest and here you are, good as new, but you try convincing those two of that...” A bearded, middle aged man sat in a recliner in the corner watching the girl intently.

“Dr. Damien!” Andolyn greeted her childhood physician and teacher.

“Hello, Andolyn,” them man reciprocated her salutation. “I would hug you, but I wouldn’t want to risk waking your guard dogs,” he smiled. Andolyn fondly stroked the young men’s hair.

“No,” she whispered, “let them rest. They deserve it.”

“Indeed, I was surprised last night to be awakened at such an uncouth hour by your cousin dragging me out into the rain. Imagine my surprise when I found you in the barn with two young men hovering over you; the dark headed one would barely let me get close enough to treat you when we got here.”

“They’ve gone through a lot these past couple of days to protect me,” Andolyn blushed faintly, “you must understand, they don’t trust many people without proof of loyalty.”

“Very understandable,” the man in the corner agreed, “and when you are the subject of their protection, I would see it as an admirable quality in them to be certain.” The doctor looked intently at the girl before speaking again. “You should rest some more; you look much better, but you’re still very pale. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen getting a cup of tea.” Andolyn nodded before lying back down and drifting back into a deep sleep.

*****

Later in the night, Barden and Spade shared a pot of coffee with Damien.

“She will be alright,” Spade’s voice was quiet and troubled, “right, Doctor?”

Damien opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a terrified scream from the back bedroom. Weapons in hand, Barden and Spade bounded down the hallway to where Andolyn’s screams continued to resound.

Barden busted through the door and ran straight to Andolyn. Spade scoured the room for intruders, looking inside and out the window to the streets outside. Andolyn was fast asleep. Her nightmares, however, had transferred to reality. Barden held her shoulders firmly even as she fought him.

“Andolyn!” He shook her gently. “Andolyn!!” The girl’s eyes flew open, filled with tears. “It’s alright, Andy, I’ve got you.” She threw her arms around Barden’s neck and began to sob openly; she was frantic.

“He was there!” she sobbed, “I could see him! He was sneaking up on you and Spade. There was nothing I could do,” Barden held Andolyn’s trembling form.

Spade looked on from where he leaned against the wall. Andolyn was strikingly pale. He couldn’t explain the sadness he felt as he watched his friend hold the princess. He didn’t have to guess who was haunting her nightmares. How could they have thought she felt nothing about the man that had haunted her in reality for so long? Well, that smile of hers made it easy for them to forget she ever felt anything but happiness. Spade guessed that sadness also held a twinge of guilt that he hadn’t taken care of Willand when he’d had the chance. In his mind, he had done this to her.

Soon, Andolyn had fallen asleep once again, and Barden laid her gently back on her pillow. Spade brushed his hand across her face before he and Barden made their way back to the table where Damien waited for them.

“I saw she was alright, and didn’t guess you needed my help,” the man sipped his coffee thoughtfully.

“She was having a nightmare,” Barden’s voice was downcast. Damien only nodded. “It was about a man we encountered when we first met, but she’s been dealing with him for much longer.”

“Willand,” Damien nodded with a scowl.

“She’s frightened of him…and with good reason.” Spade flopped down in his chair. “It’s going to be a long night.”

*****

When Andolyn woke again, sunlight poured through the open window that looked out over the harbor. The two young men were nowhere to be seen. She sat on the end of the bed for a moment watching the ships sail in and out. There was a soft knock at her door.

“Princess?” Barden’s warm voice was muffled through the heavy wooden door.

“Come in,” Andolyn said as she stretched, “I’m awake.” The door creaked open, and Barden entered quietly. After shutting the door he sat next to the princess.

“You worried us last night,” he didn’t mind admitting.

“I’m sorry,” Andolyn apologized.

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” he looked straight into her dulled, sunken eyes. The pale, sickly look of the princess’s face along with the dark orbs beneath her eyes created an image that made Barden shudder. “You look awful,” he said as he pulled her head gently to his chest in an awkward embrace.

Andolyn sighed; she could easily fall asleep this way. The princess felt a cool hand on her shoulder as Barden loosened his hold on her. She sat up to see Spade standing before her.

“Are you alright?” the hours of worry were evident in his soft voice. Andolyn leaned forward, and Spade wrapped his arms around her. He rested his cheek on the top of her head.

“Yes,” Andolyn answered. From where she continued to sit with her face on Spade’s shoulder, the princess reached over and took hold of Barden’s hand.
“Thank you.”

“I’ve made pancakes if you boys are hungry,” Doctor Damien’s voice came from the open door. “It isn’t an option for you, Andy” he disappeared with a sly grin as the princess opened her mouth to protest. She sighed then stood reluctantly. Barden took hold of her elbow when she swayed.

“Still, a bit uneasy, I guess,” she sighed. With a smile, Spade took her other arm, and Andolyn’s loving heroes escorted her to breakfast.

When they entered the large kitchen, Dr. Aaron Damien was sitting comfortably at a long table with four steaming stacks of pancakes ready for himself and his guests. When they were seated and had appropriately thanked their host, Barden spoke to Andolyn.

“What’s on the agenda for today, Princess?”

“I think your ‘Princess’ might need one more day of resting before you continue with your plans,” it was Damien who answered. Spade, noting again Andolyn’s pale, fragile appearance had to agree with the doctor.

“We need to go buy some supplies,” the young thief suggested, “Andy could stay here with the doc while we take care of that…” he finished, looking to Damien for confirmation.

“Absolutely,” the bearded man’s smile was as warm as the newly risen sun on the rain soaked ground outside. Barden, though, was watching the princess. She sat staring blankly at her meal, the fork frozen in place in her delicate hand.

“Princess?” the young man reached across the table to take the girl’s hand. Andolyn started and looked at Barden as though he had woken her from a distant dream.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” her sweet voice was tiny in the vast silence as all three men watched her. Barden squeezed her hand.

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Barden scolded without any conviction. “Eat a little more then I think you should go back to sleep for awhile.” The princess nodded before raising her fork again.

The rest of the meal was spent in silence. When Andolyn had finished about half of her pancakes, she stood, kissed each of them on the cheek, and excused herself from the room.

The three men watched her disappear into the little room at the end of the hallway.

“She isn’t well, is she, Doctor?” Spade wondered aloud.

“She lost a lot of blood last night, lad,” Damien answered, “it will take several days for her to regain her full composure, but Andolyn has always been a fighter. She will be fine.”

“Is there nothing we can do?” Barden stared down the empty corridor.

“Pray for her,” Damien’s wise eyes studied the young men, “Pray for her, and stand by her; see that she has everything she needs. That’s all you can do.”

*****

After the delicious breakfast, Barden and Spade went to explore Bridlestrom. They passed row after row of shops and restaurants. This was definitely one of the main areas of commerce in Ardara. The young men knew they needed supplies, but they also knew they had no funds with which to pay for such supplies. Whenever before they had been in this predicament the young men had relied heavily on their talents: Barden’s musical abilities and Spade’s...abilities.

The two began by finding an open area where several people were milling around. Barden began to play a lively tune on his guitar and loudly welcomed any bystanders while Spade pulled out a deck of real cards. As was typical of one of the duo’s street shows, Spade was the initial act. After rolling his sleeves to the elbow, revealing a small tattoo just below the bend, he amused the increasingly large crowd with his card tricks: predicting people’s cards, flipping them in seemingly impossible ways through his nimble fingers, causing them to “disappear” only to turn up in the oddest places.

At one point, when a young man’s card was no longer in the pile Spade had just taken from the boy, he offered an explanation.

“You see,” he said coolly, “as I held the pile here in my hand, your card jumped up to my sleeve,” he traced the path as he spoke, “across the herculean pectorals, down my other arm, and into my pocket.” With that, he reached in said pocket and withdrew the missing card.

Coins flew from all directions, filling the small bag sitting at Barden’s feet. At the end of it all, Spade stunned them all by raising his hand and disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Then it was Barden’s turn. As the astonished crowd recovered, he stood and began pacing through the crowd playing and singing familiar songs. While his clear, masculine voice filled the area, a circle of girls stood off to the side giggling madly, swooning over both the beautiful sound and his ruggedly handsome appearance. Eventually, several people began to dance. Spade took advantage of the people’s distraction to reenter the scene and pickpocket several unsuspecting “impromptu-party-goers,” filling the purse even more. The two young men complimented each other beautifully: Barden, with his captivating warmth and outgoing personality, Spade with his hypnotic elegance and subtle stealth. Together, they could accomplish anything--especially if “anything” involved monetary gain…

Just then, the crowd turned. The sounds of screaming filled the pavilion as a frantic group ran into the crowd.

“Radan’s men!!” one man gasped as he was questioned by the eager villagers.
“They’re raiding the Port District!”

“What do they want??” asked a frightened woman.

The Port District?? The meaning struck Barden and Spade at the same time. They looked at each other in horror. Andolyn. Someone must have informed the Prince of their arrival in Bridlestrom. Silently the two men stole out of sight then broke into a full run toward the doctor’s sea-front home.

*****

What are they going to do now? do they run out and fight off the soldiers? run for their lives and hope Damien gets Andolyn out? just go and scope things out? other options??

Tikanni Corazon · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 6:43 am Post subject:

Another fab chapter Andi! Very much enjoyed! :)

I have to say, Barden has very quickly become my favourite character, though I may have mentioned that before.

Okies, for the dp...Of course they're not going to leave it to chance! They have to go back for her, but do it sneakily. They don't want to alert the soldiers to her whereabouts. I think Spade is going to have to put some of his talent for stealth into action. ;)

Looking forward to the next chapter already, and if anyone else has any sense they will catch up and do the same. ;)

Vishal Muralidharan · Joined: 24 Aug 2010 Posts: 867 Location: City Of IF!

I CANNOT believe I missed these chapters. I was thinking, "its been long since a chapter was put up here" and then I realized that I was an idiot :/

Anyway, I WILL give a proper suggestion within 2 days (I know...), and if I don't, bump this thread AND send me a PM to remind me.

Lilith · Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:44 pm Post subject:

Don't do it sneakily! Go in guns ablazing and be ready for a take down! Get Andy and the Doctorman out of there!

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:10 am Post subject: I think......

A nice collection of chappys, but I have afew little things to fiddle with.

A lot of your writing seems to be filled with question and answer statements. Not actual questions, but. . . ."He thought this, which of corse was correct" kind of stuff. It gets a little tedious and makes many of the characters sound all knowing. You may want to work on tweaking that a bit and study some other sentance and paragraph structures. It all feels too "This and That" and seems more like a report then a story. It also takes out a lot of the tenstion when I hit these moments, and is more irritating then interesting.

Also, I may have forgotten this, but who is the Gawain who is suddenly in the palace and fighting for the princess? I may go back and find him in the previous chapters, but when he suddenly popped up in this chapter I was very confused.

And last little note, the way you're portraying the prince is not very in the groove with the way Andolyn seems to see him. He seems to be looked down upon by everyone rather then this terrifying monster she sees in him. He's more petulant child then overbearing tyrant. I think he needs some more evilness about him then a girl laughing at him and not knowing one of his guards is ploting against him. If he's going to be an evil badguy, he needs to BE an evil badguy, and NOT a child who just isn't getting his way.

If you spend a little more time showing the characters actions and thoughts, and less time just telling us about them, I think the story will definately improve. Things here seemed a little rushed in general. "This happend, then this, then that, and oh yeh, this too" Like a shopping list. . . . . .

Oki, sorry, done biting. DP. . . . .Make thier way to the Doc's hose, and if it isn't raided yet, sneak out quietly, on to a boat or something, and if it IS broken into, time for some slaying!!!!

Keep working at it Lyn-chan! Step outside your pre-written comfort zone and have at the newness!

Tikanni Corazon · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:24 am Post subject:

I have to say, Pope, I got the feeling that the Prince treated Andolyn badly 'behind closed doors', not openly, so in my mind it made sense that others wouldn't see him with the same fear and loathing as Andolyn herself. And the other princess isn't going to fear him, as he can't actually do anything to her. She's his brothers bride-to-be, and it wouldn't be stood for if he were to hurt her. I think his evil will begin to emerge over the duration of the tale. It is still pretty close to the beginning after all. ;)

I also think that a few positives could be given alongside the negatives here. The relationship between the three lead characters is very touching, and much of Andi's descriptive work is wonderful. The scenes in her family home in chapter three are some of my favourites throughout, and the interaction of the characters is very well done.

Not to say that you're not completely entitled to your opinion, hun, but I think that you have to give some positives alongside the negatives, or the author might lose heart in both their story and abilities, and this story has alot of promise. Just a thought. ;)

Lilith · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:50 am Post subject: Re: I think......

PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote: A nice collection of chappys, but I have afew little things to fiddle with.

A lot of your writing seems to be filled with question and answer statements. Not actual questions, but. . . ."He thought this, which of corse was correct" kind of stuff. It gets a little tedious and makes many of the characters sound all knowing. You may want to work on tweaking that a bit and study some other sentance and paragraph structures. It all feels too "This and That" and seems more like a report then a story. It also takes out a lot of the tenstion when I hit these moments, and is more irritating then interesting.

Also, I may have forgotten this, but who is the Gawain who is suddenly in the palace and fighting for the princess? I may go back and find him in the previous chapters, but when he suddenly popped up in this chapter I was very confused.

And last little note, the way you're portraying the prince is not very in the groove with the way Andolyn seems to see him. He seems to be looked down upon by everyone rather then this terrifying monster she sees in him. He's more petulant child then overbearing tyrant. I think he needs some more evilness about him then a girl laughing at him and not knowing one of his guards is ploting against him. If he's going to be an evil badguy, he needs to BE an evil badguy, and NOT a child who just isn't getting his way.

If you spend a little more time showing the characters actions and thoughts, and less time just telling us about them, I think the story will definately improve. Things here seemed a little rushed in general. "This happend, then this, then that, and oh yeh, this too" Like a shopping list. . . . . .

Oki, sorry, done biting. DP. . . . .Make thier way to the Doc's hose, and if it isn't raided yet, sneak out quietly, on to a boat or something, and if it IS broken into, time for some slaying!!!!

Keep working at it Lyn-chan! Step outside your pre-written comfort zone and have at the newness!

Hey there Pope, hon. Just wanted to point out a few spelling errors in your post...

*course
*sentence
*definitely
*happened
*yeah
*okay

Nobody's perfect.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:55 am Post subject: Well........

Well.....I only did it becuse in all honesty, everyone else is doing the nice thing. I didn't see andone else mentioning any issues with the work, and also there was no response to my last post about some of the issues I've brought up save to make fun of one of my spelling mistakes.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the story, but I just think the delivery needs some work. It's a great idea, and I love the relationship between the characters. Some of the more mushy parts tempt me to drop this into the Lover's Court, but it is indeed a fine tale.

I know I'm not even a year old here yet, but I'd like if if my critiques were taken seriously. . . . .

Edit: Yes Lil-chan, I KNOW I can't spell. Never said I was perfect. . . . . Wasn't implying that I was. I was just giving my oppinion on improvements I think Lyn-chan could make. That's all. I don't spell check my replies, only my chapters and important works.

Lilith · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:04 am Post subject:

Now listen here, sugar. What I posted wasn't aimed to to say that your critiquing wasn't being taken seriously, but I think it's pretty immature to whine at her for something you don't like seeing a lot of in stories. As for the delivery, I personally am enjoying Andy's style with this. Question and answer statements are bringing us into the character's minds, letting us know how they think. Its refreshing and really, there's no reason not to like this style.

Tikanni Corazon · Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:15 am Post subject:

Quote: I know I'm not even a year old here yet, but I'd like if if my critiques were taken seriously. . . . .

It's nothing to do with not taking you seriously, Pope. But the fact is, it's just as important to be a good commenter as a writer. And though I respect your opinions, I'm just letting you know that comments without a positive side to them can make a writer feel very disheartened, and that's not why we're here. We're here to help make each other better writers, and if a person thinks they've got nothing good to offer, they won't bother to make the effort. As it is, you made the negatives known, but without a positive.

As you've just said, you love the story, and you should give Andi an example of the reasons why you do, just so that she knows it's worth continuing. I meant no disrespect to you at all, so please don't think that.

Andolyn · Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 12:42 am Post subject:

oh wow...this thread sort of had an opinion-splosion!

well, let me start by saying that i do value everyone's opinions. that's how we grow as authors.

now, as i like to do, allow me to address the issues that have been brought up. Pope, my writing style is my writing style. you'll find if you read any of Tolkien's work that he does much the same thing, and as he's been my favorite author since i was in the 3rd grade, my style mimics his frequently. that aside, you've already mentioned your dislike of it in a previous comment, which was your opinion to voice and i respect that, but my opinion is that my style is just fine and no one else seems to have a problem with it. as i am the author, i'm going to have to favor my own opinion over yours. i thought that my continuation as such in spite of your last post would have made that clear, but now i'll spell it out for you. that's one thing you're just going to have to get used to as you read my works.

as for the emotions of the characters, they run very deep. i've said it many times before, but i'll say it again, though the situations are only very subtly linked to reality, these characters are VERY real, living, breathing people with whom i share these relationships in every day life. i know my characters better than anyone on this site will ever be privileged to, and i can write for them as such. that ((not my "pre written" status as you seem stuck in the mentality of wanting to believe)) is why i do not change to suit your wishes. i have designed these characters in such a way as to portray THEIR character, not what anyone thinks they should be. they DO guess what each other think and feel. they are not all knowing, they just know each other. that much is VERY true to life. i live 1000 miles away from "Spade" but i can always tell when he's in trouble before he feels the need to tell me. it's a special connection that i dont expect everyone to understand, and it started from the very first time we met. i'd just like to let you enjoy it, and i'll not be tampering with it just to suit an opinion.

on that same note, i'll have this tale left just where it is, thank you. it is a fantasy/adventure tale. the relationships are deep, but what good friendships arent? if you'd like to tell me that no fantasy tale is allowed to have such relationships, i'll be happy to argue the point. these are totally platonic relationships, and therefore, shouldnt be in romance.

my "bad guy" is a complex person ((as most of my characters are)). he IS very much so a spoiled brat, which i'm portraying now. he is also an evil, twisted tyrant, which will become more evident as the tale progresses. ((as Tiki said, this is just the beginning. i'm still in the building phase, but i'm quickly coming to the end of it, and the true action is about to begin.) this tale was written as a novel, and in total is about 500 pages long on a regular, book-sized page. it will take a while for you to see the whole picture. with my writing style, you WONT see the whole picture until the finish. there is much more deep twisting and turning to be seen. it's just how i do what i do, so please be patient.

in summary, i do very much respect your opinions, but unless it is something that i'm doing wrong ((ex: bad grammar, spelling, etc...)) my opinion of the given situation will rule in this story, just as i know yours would in your own tales. perhaps no one else has commented on the "issues" before because no one else saw them as issues. perhaps not, but either way, i am glad to have your loyalty as a reader. whether your comments are or not, it is encouraging, as you do take your valuable time to read.

also, Tiki and Lil, thank you for your support. it speaks volumes to me on the subject of your opinion on the tale, and of myself as an author, that you are willing to fight for it. my many thanks.

PopeAlessandrosXVIII · Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:13 am Post subject: Well.........

Well, apparently I'm a much bigger ashhole then I thought, and as such I will refrain from posting here again until Andolyn says it's alright. If anyone else found that my comments were offencive on their threads, please tell me so I may asses my words and figure out just what I'm doing wrong. Thank you. *Bows*

Andolyn · Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:03 pm Post subject:

i never asked you not to comment. i simply gave an answer to all of the issues you found. if you would like to comment negatively on my SGs, you'll have to have a just reason why you think the way you do about it ((other than it being a simple opinion)) or i am not very inclined to follow your advice. you may say it all you'd like, and i will answer with a reason why i've chosen to do what i have. my post was not in anger or in any way meant to be sarcastic or hateful. i'm terribly sorry if you took it that way, but i can't really do anything to help that.

any more DP suggestions? if not, i'll start the poll and we shall move on!